Browncoat, Green Eyes
by nonjon
Summary: COMPLETE. Firefly: :Harry Potter crossover Post Serenity. Two years have passed since the secret of the planet Miranda got broadcast across the whole 'verse in 2518. The crew of Serenity finally hires a new pilot, but he's a bit peculiar.
1. PROLOGUE: Two Years Ago

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**PROLOGUE – Two Years Ago (****October 31st, 2518)**

The CDM has long been the backbone of every major and minor decision making process. From the smallest three person office to the largest unified federation of planets allied together under a centralized governing institution. From traditional relationships of master and apprentice, from employer and employee, the introduction of a third element always came with the question of privacy in matters. Thus was born the most useful tool for making decisions while keeping other parties ignorant: the CDM, better known as the _closed door meeting_.

A massive communication was broadcast across the entire universe telling the story and truth about the planet Miranda and the horror of what happened there. How it was a government sponsored program and attempt to make life better by making _people_ better. A gross mistake that led to over thirty million deaths as the people just lost all desire to continue existing. But in approximately a tenth of a percent, or thirty thousand of the inhabitants, they did not lose the desire to exist. Rather they gave into the madness that existence had become. They were no longer men and women, they were monsters. Legends and stories of boogeymen gave them the name Reavers. There were almost as many ghost stories about Reavers as there were stars in the sky. The stories said they cut themselves up for no reason. They said they would rape anything that moves, they would eat flesh, and make a suit of skin. As naturally as a man breathes, a Reaver rapes, murders, pillages, and destroys. They said if a Reaver is close enough to be seen, then it's already too late. Find a gun as fast as possible and swallow a bullet.

Most of the stories were second and third hand, passed around to scare people who'd truthfully never even ventured near the outer rim. The sad truth was an awful lot of the stories were completely accurate.

But it was for these reasons that in an unnamed building, in an unnamed government department, an unnamed number of unnamed Alliance leaders were forced to deal with the fallout in a _closed door meeting_. They had worked their way through the majority of the action points on today's agenda, but there was one matter they were still arguing divisively about.

"Our primary reason for retrieving River Tam is gone." The man punctuated his statement with a pound onto the wooden round table a dozen or so well-dressed men sat at. He stood up and explained his point of view. "The biggest secret she held has been exposed. They sent out that message all about what happened on Miranda. All of the civilized planets seem to understand it for what it was: a failed experiment. But," he accentuated, putting on a good show. "But every government detractor and browncoat has all the more reason to start up a rebellion. The outer rim already has factions contemplating secession from the Alliance."

An especially rotund man argued back. "She still has secrets! She knows more than she should." He was blustering and shaking his face angrily, as if personally offended.

"Her continued existence is an embarrassment to the Alliance." A lithe blonde gentlemen calmly pointed out.

The first man shrugged unconcerned. "So? What options do we even have left? Our most resourceful and successful operative failed." He paused and looked at all the other men in the room. He repeated louder a second time, "_Failed_. He was incapable of even functioning as an operative anymore. Of course, killing him did not help matters."

The rotund man shook his head vehemently. "Bah! He was practically a browncoat! He had _them_! You heard his brief, he told his men to stand down."

"I'm not denying that, I'm just reiterating, what options do we have?" The first man suggested, "Try sending out our next most successful operatives? Do we want to lose them too? Especially on a target that has lost much of its priority?"

"Yes! We send them all if we have to!" Another older gentlemen jumped into the fray.

"Settle down, Morty. Be reasonable. The question remains is, what further threat does she even pose?" The man to the left of the lithe blonde man questioned.

The oldest man there, with thick glasses asked, "Does anyone even think she would be a capable leader of any sort of uprising? Her training makes her a match for just about any operative in hand to hand combat."

The first man explained, "No. She's not together enough mentally to lead. She'll fight back and protect better than any normal human at times, but her head's not all there. I mean she was a reader before we ever got a hold of her."

"We can't just let her go!" The seemingly always irate rotund man ordered.

The first man smiled mischievously. "Grunner, do you remember Weatherby's story when we went drinking?"

The lithe blonde gentleman looked at the first man incredulously. "You can't be serious."

"Why not? Our top operative failed. I say we give it a shot." The first man argued with a smile.

"That was some _fictional_ old wives tale!" The blonde argued back.

"What are you two talking about?" One of the more silent men asked.

"Annie?" The first man spoke into the speaker next to him. "Please get Antonio Weatherby up here as soon as possible." A buzz and crack informed him she had received the message and was working on it.

"A potential solution to our problem," the man explained to the others at the table. "And particularly one that costs us nothing to attempt. It won't even be our resources at risk."

The doors to the office opened for the first time in hours, and a nervous, young man with bright red hair walked in, keeping his head down. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Antonio! May I call you Antonio?" The first man asked.

"Of course, sir." The redhead obliged.

"Grunner and I were just recalling the intriguing tale from your family history."

The redhead looked around the room fearfully. "Err…my family history, sir?"

The lithe blonde gentlemen smiled and continued, "About the hero you can call on to save the world?"

"Oh that," The redhead was unable to contain an embarrassing blush. "Umm… I don't think you can take too much of _that _seriously."

The first man would have none of this. He smiled but firmly insisted, "Did your grandfather not pass this secret to you on his deathbed? Do you really believe he would have wasted his final words on a joke?"

The redhead flushed. "Well no, of course not. But at his age, and in his condition, you may not be able to take everything at face value."

"So you don't hold much faith in the possibility of truth in it?" the rotund man asked, for the first time sounding calm.

The redhead paused. "My… my grandfather definitely did." He seemed wistful in his remembrance. "And the fact that it meant so much to him means I'll be treating it as though I do have every faith in it. No matter how unlikely I find the idea of… _a wizard hero_."

The oldest man with the thick glasses asked respectfully, "Could someone please enlighten the rest of us on just what your grandfather believed and shared with his final words?"

"Antonio?" The first man asked.

The redhead took a moment and reluctantly explained, "My grandfather told me that our family has long been the keepers of a true wizard hero."

"Could you expound on that?" one of the older gentlemen asked with a raised eyebrow when it seemed details were not at the moment forthcoming.

The redhead nodded and began to recall the entirety of his grandfather's final hour. "According to what my grandfather told me, magic is real and there used to be people who were wizards and witches. He believed our family was one of the more notable ones. Apparently these wizards were a complete functioning society as recently as a century before the destruction of the Earth-That-Was. Now if you believe in all this mumbo-jumbo you have to go back four or five centuries. There was an extremely talented wizard who, while humble to a fault, was a hero in every sense of the word. He defeated five different fledgling Dark Lords and one full-fledged mean-arse bastard who many considered the most horrible Dark Lord ever. I remember clarifying this point with my grandfather as I asked him if he meant _mean-ass_ but my grandfather insisted, 'No, it's mean-arse.' Anyways, so the story goes about this wizard keeping the peace, and living out something like 150 years. He loved his wife but they were never able to have children, and then she died when she was 141. He hung around for a decade or so, bored out of his mind. Apparently his legend had grown to the point that he didn't have much purpose left. So he supposedly put himself in a magical sleep, so that when his help could be used again, he'd be awoken and called on. He had no family left after his wife died, but apparently he was extremely close to one exceptionally large family. He entrusted himself and bound himself to that family line."

"And that would be the Weatherby line, one of the more notable... wizardry families?" The rotund man asked with a touch of disbelief.

"So the story goes." The redhead shrugged. "I mean I think it sounds ridiculous but…" he paused and looked away. He quietly mumbled. "I do wonder."

"What's that?" the blonde gentlemen overheard and asked curiously.

The redhead looked around and saw everyone watching him in various states of disbelief. "Well," it took him a few moments but he finally admitted, "There is some evidence leading me to believe it may be true."

"Really?" the first man asked with a grin.

The redhead lifted his right hand into the air and pointed to his middle finger. "This ring," he explained. "Not a bad ring, it suits me decently. But I never put this ring on. It appeared on this finger shortly after my grandfather passed. And I have never been able to take it off."

More than a couple men frowned to hear this news, but most were raising curious eyebrows.

The first man who had been smiling through most of this asked, "Tell me, Antonio. Would you be willing to help your government and find out the truth about your grandfather's final words?"

The redhead perked right up. "What? Why? Is there any danger?"

"No, nothing too serious or drastic." The first man assured him. "Just a unique situation where we could answer some of those questions you have about that ring, while at the same time potentially assisting the Alliance. We had a mission and lost our best operative. We are looking for alternatives to try before risking more operatives."

"Oh my word," the redhead gasped. "Lost our best operative? This does sound serious."

The blonde man reluctantly smiled and explained, "Mission success is not highly critical, so now is the right time for taking a chance on something… _different_."

The redhead nodded vigorously, "Of course, sirs. I'm with you one hundred percent. It's just…" He hesitated a moment and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure how to activate it. And I don't particularly want to lose a finger either."

One of the older gentlemen was tapping his chin. "We should try having a reader scan it. If it is magical, they're the most likely ones sensitive enough to recognize it."

"Actually sir," the redhead jumped in and offered, "I think my grandfather said something about that. I think you have to be magical to activate it. And he, that is to say my grandfather, thought readers may be all that's left of wizards and witches."

"Hmm," the rotund man injected. "How convenient."

The first man smiled. "So? All parties agreed this is the best course of action for now?"

A few men were grumbling and shaking their heads, but a consensus called out, "Agreed."

"Antonio?" the first man addressed. "Why don't you come with Grunner and I and we'll get you set up while we call in a reader?"

The redhead just nodded meekly and followed after the two men.

"Relax Antonio," the first man said sweetly. "You're not in any trouble, and we're not doing anything we shouldn't. If there is any truth at all that you can call on this wizard hero, then it becomes necessary to find this out and test his worth, before we get into a situation that would really require some... super-human help."

"I know, sir," the redhead agreed. "It's just, my grandfather had an awful lot of respect for this legend, and I think for the man too. And part of me wonders if we're manipulating and using this mysterious arguably fictional man."

The blonde man looked over his shoulder and smiled at the redhead. "Oh come now. We're the government. It's a man's duty to serve his fellow man. If he's such a hero, he'll be happy to help."

"If you say so," The redhead mumbled quietly.

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The redhead man, Antonio Weatherby, dutifully followed the orders given to him by the doctors and other assorted Alliance certified personnel. His hand was sticking through an encased reinforced clear plexiglass prison. He just smiled weakly and nodded, while an ethereal looking young girl glided into the room accompanied by two men whose eyes were hidden by dark sunglasses. 

The blonde woman stared straight at Antonio, before tilting her head and staring at him sideways. She smiled a smile that warmed Antonio's heart. "Don't worry. He's very understanding." She walked into the enclosed area and softly stroked Antonio's arm. She was trying to relax him. Knowing she had succeeded without even looking, she bent down and stared at the ring. "Curious." She brushed her finger over the ring and gasped. She looked around the room and saw all the men in coats were waving at her wildly trying to get her attention. She ignored them and slid her finger over the ring again. She let out a spasm of pleasure that embarrassed Antonio more than anyone else. One of the men in sunglasses began to open the door to the clear plastic prison, but one of the doctors pulled him back. This was the moment the blonde woman traced a soft line up Antonio's middle finger and then pressed down firmly right on the top of his ring.

Antonio yelped to feel the ring responding, as it slivered around his finger like some sort of molten metal.

The blonde woman whipped her head around to the doctors and scientists in the room. She smiled softly and covered her mouth with her hand. "Oops," she giggled almost gleefully, before her eyes rolled right up into her head and she collapsed to the floor unconscious.

A funnel of light and thick smoke hid the entire room from view as the scientists were scrambling to understand all their readings. Antonio was screaming in fright even though he was in no pain, and only felt a slightly cool wetness on the hand of his trapped arm.

When the vents above the glass prison finally kicked on and sucked all the smoke and mist away, there laying on the ground was a completely naked older man, spooning and clutching the unconscious blonde woman tightly against his body. The old man began shaking and convulsing, before finally settling down. He opened his eyes and looked around the plastic prison containing him.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed before collapsing into unconsciousness.

"Get her out of there, and get that man sedated!" the blonde administrative official known as Grunner ordered. The two men in sunglasses were in the plastic room and carrying the unconscious girl to someplace else secure. A woman in a lab coat hurried over and injected the naked old man with the pre-planned drug cocktail, which should keep him completely lucid as well as incapable of lying.

This time another room was prepped and the old man was strapped to a bed there. The doctors checked him out and found him to be in excellent health, but if their readings were to be trusted, they claimed the man could be 152 years old. He had a full head of black hair, peppered with gray but not to an overpowering degree. Looking at him, you wouldn't guess him to be much over fifty.

Antonio caught his breath while clenching his heart at all the fireworks his arm had been involved in. The doctors freed him from his harness and checked his health to find that while Antonio's heart rate had increased significantly, he was exactly the same as before, minus the weight of a tiny ring. Antonio hurried out of the room and down the hall to where they were going to interrogate his ring man. He was startled to discover the old man smiling, cheerfully awake, and all of his co-workers looking extremely irritated.

"Antonio!" Grunner snapped at him. "Get in here and talk to this _shiong-muh duh kuang-ren_."

Antonio hurried in and smiled at the man. "Hello."

The old man tilted his head in a disconcerting manner that reminded Antonio of the reader. His voice was still a bit hoarse as he oddly stated, "You look a bit like Percy."

"Percy?" Antonio asked curiously looking at his two superiors for help.

"Yes, Percy. No doubt a great grandfather or great uncle, with a whole lot more greats in front of it."

"So you really are…?" Antonio asked in pure fascination.

"I really am what?" the annoyingly, pleasant old man smiled.

Antonio stared into his almost enchantingly green eyes. "You know… a _wizard_."

The old man looked at the other half dozen people in the room. "Oh goodness." He began chuckling to himself. "Are you all muggles? How the heck did you even get me here? And where on earth are we? For that matter when are we?"

The first man who had been lobbying for this mission stared down the older man. He monotonously began. "You are in a top secret facility hidden within Capital City. The Earth-That-Was became uninhabitable centuries ago. It is now 3:26 PM, October 31st, 2518, or somewhere in the neighborhood of four centuries since you were last called upon."

"Called upon?" the man asked with disgust. "Am I some weapon or lap dog to you? Need me to help you take over some other country or topple some regime you consider unsafe?"

"Oh don't be naïve," the first man insisted. "There are no more struggles or warring countries. We've been unified under a singular, central Alliance leadership for over seven years now. Before we get any further though, I must know who you are."

"Me?" the old man asked and looked around innocently. "I'm nobody. Nobody important."

"You appeared out of thin air, supposedly a wizard hero." Grunner explained. "Forgive us for finding this… intriguing."

"Are you sure that's where I came from?" the old man leaned forward inquisitively. "Because that doesn't make much sense."

"Your name," the first man demanded. "What do we call you?"

The old man looked around. "You know, why don't we just forget we ever met and you all can let me on out of here?"

The first man was watching Antonio tiredly. "Antonio?"

"His…" Antonio paused and answered weakly. "His name is Harry Potter."

The old man sighed a moment before realizing his name was not in fact recognized at all by the other men. "Why am I here?"

"You're here," the first man explained. "Because we have a mission for you. There is an extremely dangerous and unstable young girl somewhere in the universe. We need you to capture, control, and bring her back, or if all else fails terminate her."

Harry looked over at Antonio before looking at everyone else in the room. "And just how do you expect me to hunt and kill a little girl?"

"She is not some child or innocent." The blonde man explained. "She and the other people she travels with are responsible for all of the current instability within our government. She's the reason many border planets and civilizations are talking about another civil war. This will only lead to more deaths for all of us. She must be stopped."

"So you say," Harry nodded with the doubt clear as day on his creased and gently wrinkled face. "But you still haven't told me how."

"You're a wizard hero, are you not?" The first man asked curiously.

Harry quirked his lips and frowned. "Aren't heroes extremely dangerous to complacent corrupt governments?"

The blonde man's eyes widened in anger. "Are you threatening us?"

Harry chuckled and shook his head. "I wouldn't dream of it. It's just from what I've heard so far, you folks are one well placed orchestral march away from being declared the evilest evil empire of them all."

"This is no laughing matter," the first man calmly explained not the least bit amused. "We've rubbed the genie's bottle and out you came. If you aren't going to be granting us any wishes, and you're not going to cooperate, then you serve your government no purpose. Because the first thing we are determining, through questioning you right now, is whether to allow your existence to begin."

Harry sighed and relaxed back. "If that's your pitch to convince me you're the good guys, it was sorely lacking."

The first man smiled dangerously. "See, that's part of your problem, Mr. Potter. You come from a time when there were good guys and bad guys. We have moved past those barbaric days and are all one people speaking for everyone's benefit. There is no good and bad anymore. There are only orders and whether you can follow them."

"Now that there," Harry said with a sad grin, "is a speech I think I've heard before. And it wasn't ever the good guys saying it."

"There are no good guys. There is the law, the rule, the establishment." The blonde man yelled. "Period. If there are any good guys, it is the one and only functioning government providing for the people."

Harry turned towards Antonio and smiled at him. It was a smile that made Antonio feel extremely uncomfortable. "Well in that case then, let's be bad guys."

Without a sound nor movement anywhere, the entire room was plunged into darkness. Two men yelped and struggled trying to locate a light source or even the door. Antonio heard the tearing of some fabric and had a feeling the wizard hero was loose, free, and the cause of everything currently happening. There were several screams and then it was complete silence. Antonio could feel his heart beating so hard it was trying to jump out of his chest.

"River Tam?" Harry's voice asked in the darkness. "Hmm… kinda cute."

Antonio began gasping in fright.

"Relax Antonio," the voice called out through the darkness. "What kind of _wizard hero_ would I be if I actually hurt you all?" The sarcasm in his voice was quite clear.

Antonio was scrambling, trying to spot any shapes at all in the darkness. He could hear Harry whispering, "_Obliviate_!" over and over again. Antonio started crawling towards where he thought the door was when he heard the voice whisper right next to his ear, "Don't freak out so much, Antonio. I think there may be some Weasley in you yet. So just act like everyone else, and tell them you don't remember anything. Toodles. _Stupefy_."

The next thing Antonio knew he was being shook awake, perfectly healthy lying in a hospital bed several hours later. And it seemed no one had ever heard of Antonio's mysterious ring nor any stories from his grandfather.

_**

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Author's Note:** Translations of my mangled attempts at a language other than English (stolen from scripts and lines used almost exclusively) will not be listed at the bottom of chapters. There is a translations document up on my yahoogroup if you want it, but some of the words may be naughty and listing translations at the bottom ruins the point of using another language to sneak in the naughty words. _

_Feel free to ask any question and I will do my best to answer. All reviews are appreciated. Let me know what you think. Thanks.  
_


	2. CHAPTER ONE: Serenity Now

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER ONE – Serenity Now (September 23, 2520) **

"Listen, _mei-mei_, we need to have a little meeting," a slightly nervous Captain Malcolm Reynolds began as he addressed his peculiar diminutive pilot.

River Tam slowly turned her gaze from the vast blackness of space before her and looked up at her Captain silently.

"Sir?" Zoe asked glancing between River and Mal. "Are you sure you want me here?"

"Please," Mal nodded. "And close the door."

"Wait!" Simon exclaimed pushing his arm in the way of the rapidly shutting door. "If you're having a meeting about River I would appreciate being a part of it."

"Fine," Mal reluctantly agreed. "Just… close the door behind you."

The young doctor Simon Tam stepped in and began to close the door just as Kaylee popped her head through to peak onto the bridge. "What's everybody doing?" She saw the small gathering congregating on the bridge. "Oh… oh. Am I interrupting the… the thing?"

"Well," Simon tried to explain to his eternally happy girlfriend. "I'm not certain the Captain wants an audience."

Mal rolled his eyes. "If you don't got nothing to fix Kaylee then-"

"What's all the ruckus up here?" Jayne rudely interrupted. "Is it group hug time and I missed the memo?"

"Jayne, please," Mal said as his patience was running to an end.

Jayne pouted a bit and insisted. "Fine. It's not like I wanted a hug anyway. But leave the door open so I can still hear you." Jayne grinned and turned to leave. "Maybe Inara needs a hug. Hope it's free."

Mal just looked at the wide open door and realized perhaps this was a battle best to simply surrender to. He shook his head and recomposed himself. "River, honey. We wanted to talk to you."

"We're nearing Paquin now," she explained turning back towards the direction they were flying. "Can you talk and me fly at the same time?"

"Umm… right. Yeah. I… I hope so." Mal responded a touch flustered.

"Captain?" Zoe reminded him.

"Yes, thank you," Mal replied. "The thing is, River, no one's saying you can't fly. When we're in a tight spot, you're a right quick thinker and can pull off some fancy flying moves that I ain't ever seen before. But lately, you've been…"

"Drifting." River interrupted.

"Yeah," Mal agreed absent-mindedly.

River explained leisurely, "I think we may have lost the primary buffer panel. That's why we're drifting."

"Wait… what?" Mal asked in confusion.

"Drifting, as in pulling to the left. The left side has the primary-"

"We lost that _again_?" Mal yelped perhaps more femininely than he intended.

River shrugged. "Well there's always a reason for drifting."

Mal realized River was saying more than it appeared and looked over to Zoe. "Right. A reason." He watched the emotions on Zoe's face and thought about how things had been going.

"I'm still flying, in case you wanted to keep talking," River explained as she compensated for the slight shift in course they had upon breaking through the planet's atmosphere.

Simon was looking at Mal hopefully, wondering if the Captain had a change of heart.

Mal frowned. "Yes, well, back to what I was saying. You're a great flyer, but your focus is lacking. You get too easily distracted. We need someone we can always count on behind the wheel of this little beauty. Several of us can fly, but none of us are particularly gifted at it. And a lot of times me and Zoe are going to be on the ground, needing to know we got someone dependable in the air."

"And I've been drifting," River replied flying exceptionally close to the ground to avoid most detection scans.

"I refuse to allow you to take her with-" Simon insisted.

Mal interrupted him and waved him off. "I know exactly what you refuse, Doc. And while I have no plans to be pulling River with us into any battlefields, there comes a point you need to act a little less like her doctor and a little more like her brother."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Simon snapped back irritably.

Kaylee put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I think what the Captain is saying is that River's a big girl. She's doing lots better. She should be allowed to make her own decisions, not you simply making them for her."

River took both of her hands off the controls and turned to Mal. "So you want me to stop flying your ship? Is that it?"

"No!" Mal exclaimed lunging to pull up the ship from slamming into a mountainside. River beat him to it, and pulled them out smoothly.

"Then what are you needing to talk to me about?" River asked resuming her position calmly gliding them through valleys and canyons at thoroughly unsafe speeds.

Zoe jumped in with her softer voice. "We're just worried about you, River. We need a pilot we can count on. You've seem to begun regressing a little bit here and there. And we're considering perhaps hiring a temp until you can get a hold on things again."

"I never had a hold in the first place," River explained emotionlessly. "You were just more forgiving."

Mal frowned. "Are you saying you don't think your condition's going to be improving any?"

"Of course it will," Simon argued. "We can look into more alternative treatments."

"They won't work," River explained as she began to lean back in her pilot's chair and was now steering with her feet.

Mal glanced behind him and saw how close she was cutting all the curves and turns. He winced in worry and turned away. "Look Doc," Mal explained. "You're a part of this crew. So's your little sister. We ain't fixing to boot you, we ain't trying to put anyone in more danger. But it's been a long time since we took on any new crew members, and having a pilot we can trust ready to pull us out of there is going to be a good thing. Now Wash…" Mal grimaced a bit at the stoic unmoving expression on Zoe's face. "Wash can't be replaced. But a pilot can. And River's just not cutting it anymore."

"Come on Captain," Kaylee pleaded. "What if we just call this a warning? Sort of wait and see if River improves any before revisitin' this conversation?"

Simon looked up at the Captain hopefully. "Nothing horrible has happened yet. Maybe there's some new meds I can look into."

Mal shook his head. "Don't make me into the bad guy here. I would love it if River could be our all-seeing eye in the sky, but she's not as good off as we were fooling ourselves into thinking."

"Don't you think you're over-reacting a bit?" Simon argued with a small smile. "I mean of course sometimes she…" The doctor trailed off as he saw River had jumped out of her chair and left no one at the controls. She stopped after just one step and clenched her eyes shut. She put her hands over her ears as she hissed in apparent pain. Her eyes flew open and she whispered into the silence hanging in the room, "Potter." She then turned towards the door and sprinted off the bridge and back towards the cargo hold screaming, "Potter! Potter! Potter!" over and over again.

Mal shook his head, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Oh hell no! No, no, no! No more horrifying and massive government conspiracies. No no no!"

"Captain," Zoe interjected.

"I refuse to waste time on any more wild goose chases!"

"Captain!" Zoe said a little firmer.

"I don't care wherever, whoever, or whatever Potter is! It don't matter!"

"CAPTAIN!" Zoe yelled loudly, finally getting his attention.

Mal turned to Zoe's questioning face. She just jerked her thumb towards the empty seat at the controls of the ship and saw they were lined up to crash into a canyon wall.

"_Gorramit_!" Mal cursed and jumped into the chair pulling them up and out of the way of danger. He exhaled at yet another unnecessary close call. He yelled loudly, "River, sweetie? This is exactly what I'm talking about."

"Potter!" She yelled back at him.

Mal just sighed and looked over at Kaylee, Zoe, and Simon. "I don't think your warning's going to do us any good." Mal saw the apprehension on Simon's face. "Doc, seriously. I care for the well-being of the little one as much as anyone. And even if she ain't flying, she's still a member of the crew here. Certainly more so than any pilot we hire. But we gotta think about everyone involved… not just River. We can find some other work for her if she needs to feel useful. There's plenty to do around here."

"I know," Simon relented. "It's just I know how much she likes to fly."

Mal smiled immediately. "We all like to fly, Doc. I take control of the bridge all the time, and I'm not going to stop her from sitting in her pretty little chair. We just can't count on her, and we do need someone that we can count on."

Simon nodded slowly. "It makes her so content to just be needed and useful."

"Don't worry, Doc," Zoe explained with a grin. "As soon as she's better, we'll get rid of the temp we hire, or find something else for them to do. When it comes to flying, she's even better than my man was."

Mal kept the smile on his face, but he kept wondering how long they'd be walking on eggshells and when someone was just going to snap, whether that be Zoe, or the unfortunate person near her.

Kaylee grinned and squeezed Simon's shoulder. "You never know. We might find a pilot who becomes your new best friend."

"I do need one of those," Simon sarcastically nodded in thought.

"Speaking of, Captain," Kaylee pleasantly inquired. "How are we going to find a pilot? Place an ad asking for skilled pilots with flexible morals and a strong dislike of the Alliance?"

"No, Kaylee," Mal replied as he set the ship down in an empty field. "I don't think that would sit too well with some folks. We got some cargo to drop off around here, and I also happen to know Monty's got an office around here. We may catch him in, or be able to locate him. I thought I'd see if he had any recommendations."

"That's a surprisingly good idea, sir," Zoe admitted looking shocked.

Mal took no offense. "Yes well, I've noticed the little one seemed to be deteriorating and have given this some thought. Truth is, if we're on the ground making a drop or something, we need to know the eyes in the sky are open. And whoever's there is able to snap into action if the Alliance or Reavers pop in for a visit. Right now we just don't know for sure whether she'd be Johnny on the spot or clenching her head in pain as she stares in the bathroom mirror shouting out…"

"Potter!" River called out from the other room.

Mal smiled happily as he calmly addressed the people near him. "You know that doesn't even bother me in the slightest anymore." He paused a beat and added, "I think I'd be more surprised if she didn't call out the answers to questions she cannot possibly have heard."

"I know!" River screamed.

Mal shook his head. "Ahh, _mei-mei_."

* * *

"Mal," Monty began from the video link on his call to Serenity. "Why is it whenever I see you on Paquin, I got men trying to push me some black market beagles?" 

Mal smiled at his friend, looked away, and kicked the floor. "I don't know nothin' bout nothin'."

"Right," Monty grinned back. "I'm sure. So what brings you to the left buttcheek of the 'verse I sometimes call home?"

"We had a delivery to make," Mal explained to his old friend. "And I thought I'd just drop you a line and see how you were doing?"

"Oh Captain Reynolds," Monty melodramatically called out. "I'm honored, I'm privileged, and I'm not buying it for a second. Now what is it that you really want?"

Mal smirked and shook his head. "You're becoming so much more jaded in your dotage, Monty."

"Oh hush," Monty scoffed. "Made the beast with two backs with Inara lately?"

Mal sputtered and choked. "I… have _never_… nonsense… making…"

Monty chuckled. "Man, that gets funner every time."

"_Chur ni-duh_, Monty." Mal said in irritation. "I was calling because I think it's time I took on a new pilot. I know you freelance a bit more than me, and thought you might be able to recommend someone."

"Expanding your crew Mal?" Monty asked. "What happened to the cute little dish you had?"

"She's picked up some… _questionable_ habits." Mal answered wryly.

Monty's smile faltered for a moment. "Habits?"

Mal nodded. "She's got a bad habit of occasionally getting up and leaving the bridge unmanned."

Monty just raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't seem too unreasonable."

"In the middle of landing." Mal added.

"Oh," Monty sat up. "That would be pretty questionable."

Mal nodded. "So I thought picking up a good pilot might be something to look into. Got any excellent pilots you're slowly driving mad because of their allergy to the bushy hair log glued to your upper lip?"

Monty shrugged and shook his head. "I like my guys. But there is one freelancer I've used you might give a try."

"Oh yeah?" Mal asked.

Monty nodded. "Yeah. His name is Harry. I offered him a more permanent position. But he declined due to his own habits, one of which is to sometimes go off chasing down leads. He's a very picky collector of things from the Earth-That-Was."

"Can he fly?"

Monty grinned. "He was just hitching a ride on an up and up delivery. Reavers killed my pilot and were attacking a small outpost. He led a dozen or two families back to the ship, including my cargo. Then just hopped in the cockpit and headed back this way. According to the others, he was flying circles around the Reavers. He managed to get a couple of them Reaver ships to crash into each other and that scared the other ships chasing them off. Saved probably 50 people, and saved me probably several hundred thousand cred."

"Sounds like a regular hero. You certain he'd have any interest in the occasional activity the Alliance might frown upon?"

"Oh sure. When I found out what happened, I wanted to thank him with a reward. He refused but said he'd be willing to help out for an equal share on a few temp jobs."

"That's curious."

Monty shrugged. "Yotts vouched for him and knew him. He knew the sorts of things he was delivering and picking up. Harry kept joining with different crews. I think he was trying to meet everyone and was curious about what they all knew about the Earth-That-Was. Good pilot, good guy."

"Sounds promising," Mal said with a slight smile. "How can I get in touch with Harry?"

Monty sat back and thought about it. "Last I heard Fanty and Mingo had some work for him. They probably know."

"Really," Mal grinned triumphantly. "I haven't talked to them in a while. Wonder if they miss me."

Monty chuckled. "With a mug like that, who wouldn't miss you, Mal?"

"So this, Harry, you say he's good?"

Monty nodded. "Yup. With his own questionable habits, he'd fit right in with your motley crew."

"And here it comes," Mal sighed. "What are these questionable habits that make him faulty enough that you haven't locked him down to keep him from going off working with Fanty and Mingo?"

"It's not like that," Monty shook his head. "He's just… a bit peculiar. I'd trust him with anything, but… he's got old eyes."

Mal frowned. "Does he keep them in a jar?"

"No no, nothing like that." Monty said waving his hand. "The kid's probably twenty-five, if that. But his eyes look older than mine. You remember that look in people coming out of the war. His eyes look like he was a general at the front lines. It's… a bit eerie."

"Eerie I can live with, if he can fly."

"Oh he can fly," Monty assured him. "I was just explaining it, because I don't think I could talk that kid into anything he didn't want to do. I would have locked him down if I could, but he wasn't biting. Maybe you'll be his kind of weird."

"Yeah, we are an odd bunch," Mal nodded. "Thanks Monty," he finished and closed down the communication.

* * *

"Explain this to me again," Zoe asked with confusion on her face. "You called Fanty and Mingo, set up a meeting, but they refused to be in the same room as you?" 

"They are under the impression that I'm some kind of bad luck charm." Mal explained as they walked to the bar, with Jayne following dutifully. "And they seem to be worried that I'm still flying with that girl that messed up the bar last time."

"So then what are we doing here?" Jayne asked not particularly a fan of remembering a beatdown delivered to him by a little girl.

"We're meeting Harry," Mal stated. "And perhaps not only picking us up a pilot, but also a job."

"A job, sir?" Zoe clarified.

Mal nodded. "Seems Harry has a little job he needs to run. Fanty and Mingo owed him a favor and were going to help him do it. But he's willing to meet with us and see if we'd be better for doing this job. Anything further than that we can decide after the job. Personally, I think he's a bit picky."

"So what?" Jayne asked. "Now we're auditioning for him, rather than he's applying for us? How'd that happen?"

Mal paused and opened the door to the bar. "I guess in some ways we are auditioning. So Zoe, if you wouldn't mind unbuttoning a couple more buttons."

"Get inside, Captain. Where it's safer." Zoe held the door for the two men.

"Alright," Mal said as he entered and deposited his gun into a locker. "But don't blame me if we don't get this job."

Zoe and Jayne took a seat in a back booth while Mal got all three of them drinks. When Mal got back, Jayne accepted his drink and asked, "So how are we supposed to recognize this guy?"

"We ain't," Mal stated. "They said he'd find us."

"How's he going to find us if he's never met any of us?" Jayne questioned looking around the room.

A young man in long greyish-brown trench coat ran up to their table with a bright smile. "Bloody hell! You're Jayne Cobb!"

Jayne looked over at Mal and Zoe. "Err… yeah?"

"I can't believe I'm meeting _the_ Jayne Cobb!"

Mal smiled at his confused friend. "The Jayne Cobb?"

The excited young man gripped his stein and sang, "The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne!"

"_Wuh de tyen, ah_!" Jayne swore gritting his teeth.

"I'd recognize that face anywhere!"

Mal was just closing his eyes snickering in joy. "Lordy, I forgotten how much fun that mudding town was."

"Look kid," Jayne snapped out. "We got some business to be doing here and I don't have time to-"

"Let me buy you a drink," he insisted with an infectious grin.

"Well alright then," Jayne readily agreed as the young man whipped around and ran up to the bar.

"Jayne," Zoe snapped.

"What? He wants to buy me a drink." Jayne defended. "Don't want to be rude."

Mal just rolled his eyes as he sipped his beverage and wiped his mouth.

When the young man returned he was carrying beverages for all four of them, and he sat himself down next Jayne. "Thanks for letting me sit with you guys. Certainly didn't wake up this morning thinking I'd be having a drink with Jayne Cobb."

"Actually son," Mal interrupted. "You weren't invited to this table. But I appreciate the drink nonetheless."

The young man looked surprised. "Oh? Is this that business you got to be doing? Can't you just put that off for a moment while we have a drink?"

"We're meeting someone," Jayne began.

"Perfect then," the man replied immediately and smiled. "I'll leave as soon as they arrive."

Mal stared at the kid for a moment before half-asking, half-stating, "Harry?"

Harry grinned a small pout. "Nuts. My eyes twinkled too much, didn't they?"

Mal smiled and shook his head. "Nope. They just look old."

"I get that a lot," Harry said as he sipped his drink. "So… Jayne I recognize. Does that make you Captain Reynolds?"

"That's me," Mal said extending his hand for a shake. "And this is Zoe."

"It's a pleasure, Zoe," Harry said with a nod. "I'm Harry."

"That's an interesting accent, Harry," Zoe inquired.

Harry shrugged. "Yeah, you could say I'm not from around here. You guys seem like a pretty amiable bunch. You think you might be up for a little work?"

Mal's eyes glanced around and found it odd that there was no one in the entire room looking anywhere near their table. It was like they were all facing away intentionally. "What kind of work are we talking about?"

"There was an item stolen from a man I occasionally deal with. He wants it back. We just need to re-appropriate it and return it to him. Your take, and by yours I mean your entire crew, however you choose to divide it, is a hundred thousand."

Mal glanced at Zoe and Jayne. "That's a generous chunk of coin. Is this _item_ going to be something difficult to transport?"

"Not at all," Harry grinned. "It's just a little thing I'd been meaning to track down when I got a chance."

"Mind if I ask how much you'd be making on this piece of work?" Mal asked curiously. "I mean if we're getting a hundred thousand, I can't begin to guess what you're looking to make off this venture."

Harry smirked. "Not terribly shy, are you?"

"Just curious what it is that drives a potential pilot for my ship," Mal defended. "You can learn a lot about a man, knowing the percentages he likes to play."

"Ahh, Captain Reynolds, I'm afraid I must disappoint you then. My take is only that of a mere book. And I don't think you can put a price on something like that."

"A book?" Jayne blurted out. "Nudie pictures of your sister or something?"

Harry laughed. "Nope. Just a book."

"So what is it we're going to be re-appropriating?" Mal asked after another glance told him they were still being completely ignored.

"Well, it's an old gun," Harry explained. "Called the Lassiter."

Zoe and Jayne simultaneously choked on their drinks while Mal began coughing violently.

"I see you're familiar with it," Harry said with an amused grin.

Mal soothed his throat with a swig from his glass. "You… you could say that."

"Oh dear," Harry frowned. "If you got something to say that's going to affect your ability to pull this off, you might want to just come out and say it."

Zoe gave Mal an intent stare that he returned silently.

"Relax," Harry said with a wave. "I'm not looking to get you in trouble. I'm just looking to avoid too many surprises upon delivery. Is that going to be a problem?"

"Hmm…" Mal stalled.

Jayne winced a little and said, "Define problem."

Harry chuckled. "Well, some people might consider it a problem if when we deliver the Lassiter to Durran, he recognizes you guys as the blokes that stole it from him in the first place."

"Yes, well," Mal paled a bit. "That wouldn't be a problem for... most of us."

"Oh this is perfect," Harry grinned. "You guys up for this? I can't wait to deliver it."

"You," Mal stuttered a moment. "You want us to do this _because_ I may or may not have run into the man before?"

Harry just nodded in complete enjoyment.

"Err… right," Mal uncertainly agreed. "Yeah, alright. You got much experience flying a Firefly?"

Harry's eyes bugged out. "There's some of those still in the air?"

"Hey," Mal whined. "She's a great ship. Doesn't attract much attention."

Harry nodded, "No, if you got one that flies, great. That's… that's a nice piece of history."

"She ain't that old," Mal insisted.

"Forget I said anything," Harry said with a wave as he finished off his drink. "I love seeing a well-kept classic that's still in the air."

Zoe was smiling at Mal's frustration.

"You guys want to do this now?" Harry asked. "I've got a couple things to check on and gather, but I can meet you back at your ship in two hours, if you're ready?"

Mal glanced at Zoe and Jayne and nodded. "Two hours, we'll be ready."

"Pleasure meeting you all," Harry winked. "I'll see you soon."

It was at this moment Zoe noticed Simon, River, and Kaylee had walked into the bar. Zoe was about to point this out to Mal, when River just stopped moving and began screaming. River's eyes were closed and her mouth wide open as the extremely high-pitched wail had everyone in the bar grasping their ears and ducking their heads. Glasses exploded and shattered as the piercing shriek intensified.

Harry was just watching her oddly, seemingly unaffected at the heart-wrenching sound. He turned back towards Mal, Jayne, and Zoe and mouthed, "two hours," while sticking two fingers in the air.

While the rest of the room was cowering away in obvious pain, Harry just calmly walked up the uncontrollably screaming young woman. He looked around and saw everyone was pretty much incapacitated from the sound. He quickly leaned down and slapped his lips up against the wide open shrieking mouth and stole himself a kiss.

River's shrieking stopped immediately and she just sat there like wet fish while Harry was smiling with his lips on hers. Harry backed away and smiled. "Sorry, Miss. Your mouth looked like it needed something to do." Harry winked and calmly walked out of the bar.

Simon was trying to get the ringing in his ears to stop, and was temporarily paralyzed in shock while this stranger kissed his sister. The complete look of surprise on River's face was almost comical enough to forget she had just shattered all the glass in the immediate area and made a few ears bleed.

Kaylee was standing back up and waving her hand in front of River's face. River was completely non-responsive, though she swayed slightly like a drunken stupor. Kaylee couldn't help but to giggle.

Mal grabbed a hold of River while Zoe helped the doctor up. "I think perhaps we should partake in our libations elsewhere folks."

"What the _tyen-shiao duh_ is going on?" Simon asked as hurried to catch up with the quickly retreating crew.

"Well, I don't want to make no assumptions," Mal grinned as he carried the still catatonic River. "But I think your sister here may be sweet on our new pilot."

"That's the _pilot_ you hired?" River snapped back at attention startling Mal.

Mal was wearing a smile as he nodded.

"I hate him already."_  
_


	3. CHAPTER TWO: Trading for Tea

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER TWO – Trading for Tea **

"You hate him?" Mal said with a worried look in his eyes.

River just frowned and pouted.

Simon looked at his sister apprehensively. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Hmmph," she huffed petulantly refusing to elaborate.

"Is he dangerous? Is he a fed? What?"

River just shook her head.

"Why am I still carrying you?" Mal stopped his walking and gently dropped River on her bum. "If you got a gut feeling different from our impressions of him, we'd sure appreciate you explaining yourself."

River frowned and turned to walk on her own back to the ship. "I just hate him."

Simon turned to Kaylee and the Captain. "Well… this is a different emotion. What did you think of him, Captain?"

Mal hurried to follow after River as everyone resumed their brisk pace next to him. "I think we should get ourselves in the air, and make sure we're not going to have any trouble after that little show in the bar."

"I liked him," Jayne offered as they walked.

Zoe retorted. "You only liked him because he bought you a drink."

"Exactly," Jayne nodded. "What's not to like?"

The group hurried onto Serenity and Zoe went to the bridge. They took off to float around in the air for a bit, keeping their eyes on the dock they had been stationed at. Mal admitted, "He did seem suspiciously… convenient."

"What do you mean?" Kaylee asked.

Mal chewed the inside of his cheek. "Well, I mean, so far everything about him seems like he'd fit right in with us. Nice enough guy, not overly concerned with making money, and completely unconcerned about River being, well, River. And I can't help but wonder when we ever had a stroke of good luck, you know?"

"Well then maybe we're just about due," Kaylee argued with a smile.

Mal looked unconvinced. "Either way, this job pays pretty, and we can say our goodbyes after we're done if that's what we want to do. Kaylee, get on the com and let Inara know we got some work to do. If she wants to come with us, we're going to be meeting to discuss in less than two hours. If she's…" Mal seemed to be struggling through the words, "otherwise engaged, tell her we might be gone for a few days."

Kaylee nodded and went up towards the bridge to call out.

"So what?" Jayne asked. "We just going to wait here and see if he shows up at the dock?"

Mal shrugged. "He said he'd meet us at our ship in two hours. Heaven only knows how he'd know where our ship is, when not ten minutes ago he'd no clue she was even a Firefly."

A little over ninety minutes later, Inara's shuttle landed into its docking port on Serenity and she joined them in the dining room. "So what is so important to call me back already?"

"We got ourselves a potential pilot applicant and he's bringing his own job as a test run." Mal smiled and answered while cutting up an apple he was munching on.

"And this concerns me how?" Inara snootily asked.

Mal looked over and saw she seemed a bit more irritated than usual. "Well, we may be disappearing for a few days, maybe a week. I thought you might like to decide whether to join us or stay here. Not to mention all that fancy training makes you a respectable judge of character. I'm a little untrusting of my gut right now."

"Not to worry," Inara smirked glancing between Mal's abdomen and his eyes. "I can barely tell that it's ballooned and swollen. If I didn't know you better, I'd merely think you were fat."

"Hey now," Mal defended looking down at his belly. "No call to be rude. I've not said one word about how flat your saggy-"

"Thank you, Mal," Inara interrupted. "I think I'm going to lay down for a few minutes until our guest arrives." She swirled around and marched back to her shuttle.

"Where is he anyways?" Jayne asked. "Has it been two hours?"

"Zoe, any sign of him down near the dock?" Mal asked into the intercom.

"Negative Captain," came the response.

Mal looked at his watch. "Well, two hours should be up in about…"

"Thirty seconds?" Harry asked from behind Mal.

Mal leaped around and pointed his gun, cursing, "_Wu de ma_, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Harry stood there with a small rucksack over one shoulder. "No, not really. I just doubted you'd appreciate it if I were fashionably late."

"_Gorram_ it all," Mal said holstering his gun. "How'd you get here anyways?"

"It's been two hours. I said I'd meet you at your ship. Is there a problem?"

Jayne just looked at Harry and was looking behind him. "Where _did _you come from?"

"Well, a long time ago, my mummy and my daddy were in love," Harry began.

Mal frowned harshly. "You best cut out this little cutesy act, or we'll just dump you right back out of my ship."

Harry looked Mal straight in the eye and answered seriously, "Apologies Captain, I meant no disrespect. But if we're going to be getting on together, you are going to have to accept some of my secrets are mine to keep. If that's a problem, we can part ways now, shiny all around."

"Captain," Kaylee came into the dining area. "Zoe wants to know how… well hello."

"Hi," Harry smiled and waved. "I'm Harry."

"Nice to meet you, Harry," Kaylee greeted sticking out her hand to shake.

Harry gently took hold of her hand and twisted it around, placing a kiss on the back. "Enchanté, Kaylee."

"Oh my," Kaylee gasped in delight. "That's a… err… Thanks."

Mal looked at Harry a little warily. "Now why didn't I get so fancy a greeting when we met?"

Harry inclined his head and explained. "Now that I know you're expecting me to put on the dog and pony show, I figured some gentlemanly wiles, were the only appropriate action to meeting a young beautiful woman."

Kaylee was blushing and unconsciously tucked her hair behind her ear.

Harry smirked at Mal. "Well, and I was curious to see just who would appear the most protective of the young lady. I must say, I think I thoroughly angered him." Harry said pointing to the scowling man in the doorway.

"Doc, come on down and say howdy," Mal grinned. "Harry, I'd like you to meet our resident doctor. This is Simon."

"Evening Doctor," Harry said extending a hand to shake. "Don't misinterpret my courtesy. Just trying to be friendly."

"Of course," Simon sneered and tried to viciously squeeze Harry's hand in an overly tight handshake.

Harry just smiled back and resisted the urge to squeeze back. "I'm hoping I won't be needing too much of your tender mercies, Doctor. But if you ever need a miracle, I've been known to have some luck on my side."

"Err… right," Simon weakly agreed trying to squeeze harder, frustrated at the lack of response from Harry.

Mal looked up in the doorway and grinned. "And you may remember her, but you have yet to be formerly introduced. Harry, I'd like you to meet your co-pilot-"

Harry's eyes widened as he finally remembered where he knew this girl from. "River _gorram_ Tam!"

River frowned harshly at Harry. "That's not my middle name."

"You're smaller than I would have guessed," Harry stated warmly.

Mal looked between Harry and River. "You two know each other?"

"What is wrong with you?" River whined staring at Harry.

Harry turned to Mal with a grin. "I didn't even notice her in the bar. But just now I recognized her from an Alliance Blue Ops file I read a while back. She's rankled and peeved a few dirty roosters in the Core."

Mal's eyes widened while the doctor took a step back. "I'm a bit concerned to hear you've been reading Alliance files."

Harry furrowed his brow. "Who else you expect to keep good enough records on people?"

"What… but…" Mal stuttered.

Jayne leaned forward to ask, "You break into Alliance private files to do background checks?"

Harry waved him off. "Nothing so dramatic. But when there's an item I'm trying to locate, the legal records are often more complete than people realize. Reading River's file, on the other hand, was an aberration. Don't worry. I won't share anything in there, that's not mine to share."

River was mumbling angrily to herself, showing her displeasure plainly on her face.

Simon shook his head. "I'd be more interested in finding out what was in that file."

"Oh," Harry smiled. "Well then I can try and recreate it for you. I don't know if I'd be able to track down the original. They don't tend to keep the Blue Ops records. We should talk some time." Harry turned towards the Captain. "So Zoe, Jayne, Kaylee, Dr. Tam, River, and yourself? Is that your whole crew?"

"Oh?" Inara announced as she walked back into the dining area. "Do I not count for anything anymore?"

"Bloody hell!" Harry exclaimed in joy at the sight of Inara. He turned to Mal, "You're hosting a Companion! That's brilliant!" Harry turned to Inara, "A Companion! God bless you, girl! Let's go back to your shuttle."

Inara looked over at Mal. "Excuse me?"

"You, me, and a good old-fashioned Companion Greeting Ceremony," Harry insisted as he grabbed her hand and dragged her back towards her shuttle.

Inara gave Mal a terribly confused look while being pulled away. She pleaded to Harry, "I don't know what sort of mistaken assumption you have about Companions, but I-"

Harry rolled his eyes as he stopped and waited for her to lead the way. "Relax sweetcheeks. I only said a Companion Greeting Ceremony."

"Now hold on Harry," Mal called out chasing after the young man. "I'm not about to let you just-"

"Not to worry, Captain," Harry assured him. "You're welcome to join us. Or you can watch if you'd prefer."

"Look here, buster," Inara insisted wildly. "I'm not some two bit whore-"

Harry smiled back at her. "I should hope not. If you're worried about it, I'll pay you for your time, but most of the Companions I know, usually just give it to me for free. Although, on occasion I've been known to trade favors."

"Wait a sec," Mal said confused. "How's this free stuff work?"

"Mal!" Inara screeched.

"What?" Mal argued. "He said I could watch."

Inara's eyes just bugged out and she was doing all she could to maintain her dignity.

Harry began snickering and tried to calm the woman. "Before we get too far into a conversation that I'm beginning to think only I will truly enjoy, I believe I should point out that the Companion Greeting Ceremony is only my way to get myself a decent cuppa."

"Pardon me?" Inara asked slightly mollified and confused.

"Sweetie," Harry assured her. "You're gorgeous, don't get me wrong. But I can just imagine the holes the Captain would be staring into the back of my head at that particular thought. Honest, I'm just after your tea. The Companion controlled stuff is the best tea anywhere in all the 'verse. And that bloody Madame Trudy banned me from ever buying it in bulk off of them again."

"You know Madame Trudy?" Inara asked askance.

Harry smiled mischievously. "Oh yeah, Trudy loves to hate me. She's just bitter than I snuck a bumper sticker on her personal shuttle and she had it there for a month before she found out."

"You did what?" Mal asked. "What'd it say?"

Harry snickered, "It read _My Other Ride is a Feminist. _Lordy was she ticked at me. But I still have my golden star status if you wanted to run a check on me."

Mal snickered at the bumper sticker while Inara guffawed at her memory of her former House Priestess.

"What's golden star status?" Mal asked thinking about what Harry said.

Inara raised an eyebrow impressed. "It's essentially a mark indicating that Companions are to treat those people with the utmost respect. It's usually a sign when a House is indebted to a person. How a ruffian like this managed that I'd be most interested to hear."

"Well, I'm not sure that's a story that's entirely this ruffian's to tell," Harry said with a weak smile. "But I'm willing to make you an offer for some proper tea."

"If you truly have a golden star, then I'm obligated to give you the respect of the Greeting anyways," Inara stated pleasantly. "Though I'm very curious what you have to offer."

Harry lifted his hands into the air and wiggled them a little. "I've been told I give the best foot massages in the entire 'verse a few times. I've been trained in Tui Na, Zhi Ya, Lomilomi, but my specialty is Shiatsu."

Inara's eyes widened and she grabbed Harry's hand pulling him behind her. "I'll put the water on and get the tea going. You come and get comfortable."

"Yes, Ma'am," Harry cheered as he waved goodbye to Mal.

Mal sat there watching the pair of them disappear down the hall towards Inara's shuttle. He hesitated for a moment before Inara yelled out, "No, you can't watch!" Mal just rolled his eyes and walked back to the dining area.

He encountered a lively discussion between a pouting River and an amused just about everyone else.

Jayne saw a bewildered Mal returning by himself. "Where'd he go?"

"Harry and Inara are in her shuttle," Mal explained calmly. "I doubt it'll take too terribly long."

Kaylee's jaw dropped. "Captain? Are there some new rules about crew…?"

Mal shook his head. "He just wanted tea."

"No _A_?" Jayne asked in shock.

Simon just stared at Jayne, curious how he could be so crude.

"Don't look at me like that!" Jayne snapped. "It's hard to enjoy the _T_ without a piece of _A_!"

Mal rolled his eyes. "Tea, Jayne. T-E-A, as in the beverage." Mal scratched his head. "Harry is a… peculiar fellow alright."

"Simon, Kaylee," Mal asked. "You just got your first introduction. What'd you think of him?"

"Kindly," Kaylee smiled and saw her boyfriend scowling. "Not as proper as Simon, of course. But it's kind of fun to see River's feathers this ruffled."

Simon's irritation went away as his sister frowned harshly. "That's true. That _is_ fun."

River stared at her brother. "Do you have any idea how many secrets I could tell Kaylee about you?"

Simon clamped his hands over Kaylee's ears and addressed his sister. "Give Harry a try. At least let's get him to pull that file and see if maybe we can discover more about what they did to you." He narrowed his eyes and whispered harshly, "And don't you dare tell Kaylee anything!"

River pouted at the unfairness of it all.

Zoe entered the dining area. "Alright, I took us up out of atmo. We're just floating in the black right now. So what now? Are we waiting for River to kill him with her brain?"

"I knew you could do that!" Jayne snapped as he stood up and backed away from River.

River frowned. "It's like he's not even there. Like he doesn't exist or he's already dead."

Harry chose that moment to reappear carrying a large mug of the tea he'd been craving. "Maybe I am dead." Harry set his mug down and lifted his arms out in front of him. He tilted his head to the side and let his tongue hang out of his mouth. "Maybe I'm a zombie." He began to moan and slowly limped his way towards River, who just kept staring and staring at him. As soon as Harry got a little too close for her comfort, she shrieked and ran away insisting, "He's really dead! He's really dead!"

Everyone else was just watching Harry oddly. He stopped his zombie maneuvering and shrugged. "What?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm not really dead. Sheesh." Harry walked over and grabbed his mug, sipping happily.

"Where's Inara?" Mal asked, looking back the way Harry came from.

Harry paused and looked at Mal oddly, before slapping his forehead. "Oh sorry. I just realized I never even got her name." Harry looked thoughtful and impressed.

Jayne smirked at the doctor. "It is easier that way."

Harry ignored Jayne and explained, "She wanted to call in and see what dirty little secrets the rest of the registry has to say about me. I'm not sure she believes me about my status."

"Would you mind telling me," Mal asked as he settled himself into a chair, "just why it is that your co-pilot seems to dislike you so much?"

Harry frowned. "I'll admit I rub some people the wrong way, but usually that's only when I want to. Dunno why she would dislike me, but I can tell you why she would be frustrated and think I'm dead."

Mal nodded waiting for an answer.

"It's because she's a reader," Harry stated as though it explained everything.

Simon looked over at Zoe and Mal. He asked, "I'm not sure I follow on how that affects you."

Harry shrugged. "Like I said, my secrets are mine to keep. That's why I won't let her read me. It's just easier for all of us this way."

"You can… stop it?" Jayne asked hopefully.

Harry nodded. "I can. But most people wouldn't be capable even if they knew how."

"Just what are we talking about here?" Mal asked curiously.

Harry was nursing and delighting in his tea. "Reading or scanning, depending on who you're talking to, is sort of like a sixth sense where you can pick up thoughts, feelings, or even information that others have in the forefront of your mind. I don't allow any of those things out, so when River is unconsciously using her gift, it's a sense, or even an instinct, that she trusts, telling her I'm not there. Or not thinking, feeling, or existing. It'd be like if your ears could hear the train in front of you, you feel the wind as it's passing, your nose could smell the heat coming off the rails, but your eyes see nothing at all on the track in front of you."

"And you know how to hide yourself from that sense?" Zoe asked moving to a seat by the Captain.

Harry nodded. "I do. A few of the readers I've come across get a bit annoyed and petulant as they seem to think they're entitled to that information, simply because so few are capable of denying it. At least until I win them over with my charming personality." Harry grinned widely and nodded with certainty.

* * *

"Camille," Inara greeted happily over the video link. "It has been too long. How are you?" 

"Inara!" the woman identified as Camille on the other end squealed happily. "It's great to hear from you! You shouldn't be such a stranger."

"Yes well, my life has been known to be busy…"

"And complicated," Camille smirked at her knowingly.

"And complicated," Inara admitted. "How are things around the House these days?"

Camille shook her head. "Can't complain. Though you're beginning to gain a reputation. Have you entertained thoughts about returning? I'm certain Madame Trudy would welcome you."

"No, nothing like that," Inara warmly replied. "I'm quite happy where I am, getting to see the far reaches of the universe rather than stationed and chained to a location."

"Of course," Camille said with a cheerful roll of her eyes. "Your penchant for always romanticizing the unknown. How is Captain Unknown these days?"

Inara just sighed and dropped her head. "Don't you girls have something better to gossip and make up stories about?"

"Better? Maybe," Camille agreed. "But probably not near as much fun."

Inara shook her head ruefully. "I actually wanted to inquire about a young man who may be joining the crew here where I rent my shuttle. He claimed to have golden star status and I was unable to read anything but truth behind his words."

"Golden star?" Camille asked doubtfully. "That's a short list with only three names, Inara, and unless you… wait! _Shun-sheng duh gao-wahn_! Have you got _Harry_ on your ship?"

Inara slapped her hand to her mouth impressed at Camille's choice of phrases. "Good heavens, Camille! Yes, Harry is his name. You know him?"

Camille smiled brightly, "Harry? Are you kidding? Don't you dare tell him, but every time that boy touches my feet, I get multiple orgasms."

Inara couldn't keep the rosy pink color out of her cheeks.

"Oh Inara!" Camille cheered happily. "Don't let on to that boy what he's really doing. I doubt he realizes just how unique his foot massages are. And yeah, I know him."

Inara ignored the implications. "Yes well… so it's true he has golden star status?"

Camille nodded. "Yup, though he couldn't care less. He was more crushed when Trudy stopped all the girls from selling him tea."

"I sense there's more to that story than what I've heard so far from Harry," Inara grinned.

Camille chuckled. "Harry made that little metallic magnet thing stick to the back of her shuttle. He called it a bumper sticker. The way Trudy always docked it and never walked around, she had no idea it was there. Until it was pointed out to her," Camille grinned deviously, "by her Great Aunt."

"Oh dear," Inara smiled at her friend's joy.

Camille nodded, "Her Great Aunt, the High Court Justice of the Peace."

"Oh my," Inara smiled a little wider.

Camille nodded, "Her Great Aunt, who also happens to be a self-proclaimed feminist, and likely may have been born without a sense of humor."

Inara was just laughing now imagining it.

"Trudy's certain Harry somehow planned it to be discovered then." Camille explained. "It was when she was going before the High Court to try and get access to Alliance records for our client files."

Inara was shaking her head in mirth.

"She eventually got the access," Camille explained. "But she won't say what her Great Aunt did or said to her. I think I like imagining that conversation more than actually knowing it."

"That's horrible," Inara agreed with a smile she couldn't resist.

Camille nodded. "Madame Trudy then expressed her displeasure with Harry in a manner unbecoming of a Companion, in front of nearly the entire House. Needless to say, Harry was to blame for that too."

Inara was wiping her eyes remembering the sisterhood and bonds of her old House Madrassa. "That would explain why he said 'Madame Trudy loves to hate me.' But I'm still curious how he got golden star status. Do you know? Or is it a private matter I'm not to inquire about?"

Camille's smile faltered and she bit her lip. After a moment's pause, "Alright, but you're not supposed to tell anyone this."

Inara silently thanked the unquenchable urge to gossip every Companion kept inside.

"It was probably a year and a half ago. Harry used to drop by for the tea and soothe us with his special brand of foot massage," Camille explained while stealthily looking from side to side. "Anyways, these twenty masked and armed guys came rushing in. They punched and knocked out Sylvie right away. Probably half of them had proper weapons, and the other half had the old bullet firing guns you see most on the border planets. They ordered everyone down on the floor, as they had come to rob the place and more than likely steal a few girls. Trudy just stood there wondering where the hell the Alliance was. She was doing her best to stall for time and keep anyone from getting hurt. It was right at that moment that Harry just happened to walk into the House. He ran right over to Sylvie to check on her and one of the thieves put a gun to the back of Harry's head."

Camille seemed a bit distraught remembering this. "Harry just turned around, and I have never seen anyone look as scary as he did right then. No one's really sure exactly what happened next as it turned into complete bedlam. It started when Harry smashed that guy's gun right back into his own face, faster than the guy could even pull the trigger. Then he just started knocking out the rest of them, using the gun to shoot them all in legs and knees. I remember a couple he just smacked on the temple with the butt of the gun and they just crumpled to the ground unconscious. I could've sworn shots were fired at us, but it's like there was an invisible barrier or something. I don't know. Literally, it was only a few seconds before all of the robbers were down and out. Harry looked around at all the unconscious men with this fierce, determined look that seemed completely out of place on him. He turned to Trudy and asked, 'Where the hell are the _gorram_ feds?' Trudy just shook her head and explained that she'd triggered the alarm several minutes ago and they should have been here. Harry's eye's just widened and he whispered 'House Rosmerta.' Next thing we see is Trudy's shuttle taking off like a bat out of hell."

Inara looked a bit skeptical and was about to open her mouth when Camille raised a hand to stop her. Camille paused and took a breath. "Now, this is all second-hand from a friend of mine in House Rosmerta, but Justine said Harry somehow appeared out of nowhere while Madame Joceyln was being questioned by the Alliance. Justine says he was sort of… glowing, and he looked furious. There were three downed robbers there, covered with bloodstained bed sheets. Jocelyn just took one look at Harry, and through her tears, told him 'They took Caitlyn.' He asked how many and she replied 'seven,' pointing off the direction they went. Justine could only sit there staring at Harry, dumbstruck at how powerful he seemed at that moment. And she is convinced he moved so fast it looked like he disappeared. Not twenty minutes later, while Jocelyn was still being interviewed by the same fed, Harry's back carrying Caitlyn in. According to Justine, when Caitlyn left, her sash was bloody, and everyone had heard or saw her arm break. Now here she was, less than a half hour had passed, and she was clean, healthy – no broken bones, and unconscious. Caitlyn didn't remember anything past when she was thrown into the back of some shuttle. After Harry set her down on a bed, he left again, and came back in, physically dragging the seven full grown unconscious men who'd taken her."

Camille smiled in remembrance. "And here was Justine's favorite part: all of sudden Harry looked worried and gulped out, 'I err… just remembered something. I've… gotta go.' Madame Jocelyn called after Harry as he began to run away, asking him to wait and explain. He yelled back, 'Sorry, but I remembered that I just stole Madame Trudy's shuttle. And I don't want her to cut off my tea!' He then jumped into the shuttle and took off before anyone could say anything." Camille had fallen into giggles after pretending to imitate Harry's call.

Inara looked at Camille doubtfully. "You're telling me he beat twenty some odd men into unconsciousness, saved Caitlyn, healed her miraculously, and was worried about _tea_?"

Camille nodded. "It's nice to meet a guy with priorities."

Inara choked out a small laugh.

"Well, alright maybe his priorities aren't in the best of orders," Camille argued, "But still. Word got around and that's how Trudy knew how to strike back at him for the bumper sticker."

Inara realized her friend was being completely serious both in the story she just told and now. "Didn't you find it… _curious_… at how that sequence of events unfolded and how convenient Harry's assistance was? A sort of thief hero among thieves?"

Camille shrugged. "You probably had to see it to believe it. But unless Harry convinced thirty of his friends to take life sentences in prison, a few to never walk again, and not a single one to turn on him… Once you get to know Harry better, you'll understand."

Inara furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

Camille smirked victoriously. "I guess you could say the peculiar is quite ordinary when Harry's around."

Inara nodded. "If that's true then he'll fit right in around here."

Camille shook her head with a smile. "I'm so jealous of you, right now. But at least knowing Harry's out there in space with you, we'll have something to gossip about."

Inara sighed. "Oh Camille, you're incorrigible."

"Don't be such a stranger," Camille pleaded. "Or else the next time I see Harry, I'll only hear the juicy stories from his point of view. Keep me updated on what's really going on, would you?"

Inara nodded. "I will. It was good to hear from you. Give everyone my best."

"Be good, Inara," Camille said with a smile as she closed the connection from her side.

Inara sighed quietly to herself. "Why does being good always feel like the wrong thing?"

_  
_


	4. CHAPTER THREE: He's a Natural

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER THREE – He's a Natural **

"Mal," Jayne reminded. "Shouldn't we be putting some distance between that little bar scene and us about now?"

Mal frowned. "It's not a bad idea, but it is a bit curious we've not picked up any chatter."

"Probably my fault," Harry admitted still taking great enjoyment in his tea. "I may have been described there and a friend of mine likes to put a little delay on the Federal response to disturbances in my area. He's a dead useful friend to have."

"I'd say so," Mal said curiously. "And something tells me any more questions about that friend would be prying into your secrets again, wouldn't it?"

Harry smiled. "It's just a matter of trust versus necessity. Once I trust you more, or if you need to know one of my so-called secrets, I'm happy to share. But we just met a few hours ago, and I'm quite certain you don't trust me that much yet."

"True," Mal admitted wryly. "An open and honest man is more agreeable, but I doubt I'd trust an honest man. So where are we headed? What's the plan here?"

"There's a little planet out on the rim called Hornshoot," Harry said watching for recognition.

Mal nodded while Zoe and Jayne glanced at each other. "We're familiar with it."

"Perfect," Harry smiled. "Because I've yet to even figure out how many hands that _gorram_ gun went through, but I've located where it ended up, a collector by the name of Jimmy Christmas."

"And we're to re-appropriate it from him?"

"Not exactly," Harry explained. "It's his property, but in his infinite wisdom he's lent it out to a little museum and it's currently on display. We're going to take it from there."

"He's got stolen property on display in a museum?" Jayne asked. "Don't that seem a bit _yu bun duh_ to anyone?"

Harry frowned and bit his lip. "Well, Hornshoot's pretty far out into the black, so maybe he's not all that concerned about it. Or I suppose it's possible, he might not be aware it's stolen. Maybe thinks he discovered a new Lassiter and bought it up a discount or something. I don't know."

"The Lassiter?" Inara said walking into the dining area. "Didn't you already steal that? Goodness knows I remember how long you kept jumping at the sight of any Alliance cruisers within range."

"I was not jumping," Mal whined. "I was being careful."

Harry smiled. "And actually, it's the bloke you all ripped off that has asked me to get it back for him."

Inara looked at Harry curiously. "Are you sure that's… wise?"

Harry looked over at Mal who seemed to be wondering the same thing. "Wise?" Harry smiled brightly. "Doubt it. But it should be fun. Mainly I just like giving Durran a hard time."

"Durran?" Inara asked.

"Durran Haymer," Mal explained. "Alliance, bio-weapons, we stole his trash on Bellerophon."

"Isn't he married to your wife?" Jayne reminded.

Mal cursed to himself, "_Jien tah-duh guay_! She is _not_ my wife!"

"That's right!" Harry exclaimed piecing together his old information. "Mel said you were a bunch of addle-brained morons."

"Mel?" Inara asked with chuckle. "Is that what she told you her name was?"

Harry grinned brightly at Inara. "Heavens no, but I found out that was what her mum used to call her before she started making up names like they were going out of style."

"Mel and Mal," Kaylee grinned. "How… awful sounding."

Mal just shook his head. "Will I ever be rid of that wretched woman?"

"I believe in death you're due to part," Inara smugly pointed out.

"It ain't so bad," Harry assured him. "Durran ain't exactly what I'd call a friend, but he's alright. And Monty's a good bloke. They both got their own wonderful little Yolanda and Bridget stories about psychotic ol' Mel."

Mal just shook his head.

"And in fairness," Harry added. "She is most definitely smoking hot."

"It almost makes up for the rest, don't it?" Jayne pondered deeply.

"You're a simple man, Jayne," Harry smiled. "Maybe if Mel ever gets released, we can see if she'll marry you too."

Jayne seemed to be giving that idea some thought.

"Settle down there Jayne," Mal warned. "Just cause we got the best of her last time, don't mean that's a beast you can cage. Or tame."

Harry held his hands out in front of his chest imitating one of a woman's more famously flattering assets. He mouthed "smoking hot" at Jayne again.

Jayne quickly turned to leave the dining area. "I'll be in my bunk."

Most everyone had small smiles as they turned to watch Jayne walk away.

"Simple is one of the nicest ways I've ever heard Jayne described," Simon agreed.

"Come on," Mal waved at Harry. "Let's go plot a course and get a move on to Hornshoot. We'll knock out some details once we go."

Harry thanked Inara for the tea again and kissed her on the cheek, earning some funny looks from everyone and a curious one from Mal. He dutifully followed the Captain.

"This here is her brain," Mal said as they entered the bridge.

Harry looked around and saw River scowling at him from the pilot's chair. "How long have you had her?"

Mal gave Harry a curious look and Harry immediately added, "Serenity, I mean."

After a moment's hesitation, Mal fondly explained, "Let's see, I got her…about eight years ago now."

Harry was watching Mal and saw the affection he had. "She means the world to you, don't she?"

Mal looked over at Harry and nodded. Mal saw the cold stare River was giving Harry. "You okay, _mei-mei_?"

"Why are you such a _ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng_?" River calmly asked staring at Harry.

Harry turned to Mal and said, "Now I don't know hardly any Chinese, but I'm pretty sure that was not a compliment."

Mal smiled happily. "You're right about that."

"Should I be offended?" Harry inquired trying to ignore River's vindictive stare.

Mal smirked. "You don't seem the type to be offended easily."

"That's true," Harry admitted. "So how's this going to work? You introduced River here as the co-pilot. Do I just ask her nicely to take us to Hornshoot? Or should I leave a trail of ham cubes to try and lure her out of the cockpit?"

"Ham cubes?"

Harry shrugged. "I didn't bring any pastries."

Mal briefly wondered if that meant Harry did bring ham cubes but decided not to ask. "River," Mal said. "You think you can work together with the undead zombie over here?"

River huffed getting up and walked past them both, intentionally stomping on Harry's foot on the way. "I'll be in my bunk."

Harry shrugged and sat himself down in the chair. He began tweaking just about every level and handle he could reach, paying little attention to Mal's silent observation.

"You got much experience with Fireflies? Besides training academy, I mean," Mal asked seeing how comfortable Harry seemed.

Harry kept slipping dials back and forth until he was satisfied. "Nope. This is the first time I've ever been in one. And training academy," Harry chuckled to himself. "Well, let's just say the only flying lessons I've had you wouldn't consider very useful." Harry paused and looked up at Mal, "That's not a problem, is it?"

Mal just looked at Harry uncertainly. "You've never been in a Firefly?"

Harry shook his head. "In some ways, you might say I've been living in a cave up until a couple years ago."

Mal watched as Harry seemed satisfied with all his little tweaking, and he engaged the drive to a little less than full burn. "How do you know how to fly this if you ain't ever been in a Firefly before?"

Harry looked up at Mal. "I'm a natural at flying."

Mal looked at him suspiciously.

Harry saw the doubt on his face and explained, "When it comes to flying, I just know instinctively. Look at Kaylee. How she knows how to keep Serenity here in the air. She's a natural at her job too, I'd wager."

"How'd you even know Kaylee was our mechanic? No one told you that."

Harry smiled, "Well, first off, I did have a conversation with Inara outside of your presence, though we didn't get to opinions of the crew here. And secondly, what else would she do? She smells like hot oil, and it ain't the same hot oil Inara occasionally smells like."

Mal looked out into the black and saw they were moving pretty quickly. "You even know where you're going?"

Harry nodded. "Hornshoot."

"You know where that is?"

Harry pointed straight ahead. "That way."

"You know what's in our path _that way_?"

"Actually," Harry admitted. "I don't. But that's what proximity sensors are for warning about, right?"

Mal sighed. "You're not exactly impressing me here, Harry. And your co-pilot seems to hate you something fierce, with a fire I haven't seen in her before."

"Well," Harry suggested. "I could try to find us an asteroid field and impress you with my flying, but I don't think you'd care for my navigational skills then. As for River," Harry winked. "I'll have her at my beck and call by the end of this job."

Mal looked at Harry doubtfully, when River came storming up to the bridge. She shrieked at Harry, "What the _go se_ was that?"

Harry nodded at Mal. "See?"

Mal looked at River and saw she was infuriated. He saw Harry's cheerful demeanor hadn't lessened any. "You know Harry, you're cruising for a bruising here. You might want to work on your people skills as they apply to Miss Tam."

Harry just smiled at Mal. "I think we'll be able to work out our differences."

Mal listened to Harry's words, and then watched Harry turn back to River. He figured it must have been a trick of the light, but he could have sworn Harry's eyes twinkled at River. His observation was cut off as River gasped and stepped back. "You're a witch!"

Harry was momentarily surprised and showed the Captain a genuine emotion he hadn't seen yet on Harry. It only lasted a second before the smile came right back. "Close but no cigar." He turned towards the Captain and asked, "Is there somewhere I can put my stuff? I should call a friend and let him know where I'm going before we get out of range."

Mal stood there unmoving trying to give Harry that quiet determination look only Captains are allowed to do. After a tense silence, he smiled and slapped Harry on the back. "Yeah, sure. Follow me. River, can you watch the bridge?"

"Oh," Harry jumped in. "By all means, if you want her to. But we've got two hours before we're going to need to even consider a change in course."

Mal stopped and asked a question he'd been meaning to ask. "Are _you _a reader or whatever you call it?"

Harry hesitated but decided to answer, "No, I'm not a reader, but I can read if you want me to. I just find it sort of rude to do without permission."

"Could you teach River to control her reading?" Mal asked hopefully.

The anger in River's eyes seemed to shift into wide-eyed curiosity.

Harry took his time thinking about it and nodded. "Yeah, I think I could. But it won't be anytime soon."

Mal saw the glimmer of a smile on River's face.

Harry reluctantly added, "Even if she has control though, I think she's got bigger problems than that."

"Why can't you teach her anytime soon?" Mal inquired.

Harry turned to River and smiled sadly.

River huffed and stomped away again. "I still hate you."

Harry pointed to her as she left. "That's why not anytime soon. It requires complete trust on her part. And I think I'm going to have to work to earn her trust."

"How many people have you taught to control their reading before?"

Harry shook his head. "Never tried. But with River, I'm pretty sure I could. She's got spunk."

"How old are you?" Mal asked realizing he was beginning to feel like Harry seemed older than him.

Harry shook his head. "That's an answer, while I may be willing to give you, you aren't ready to hear."

Mal rolled his eyes and shook his head as he led Harry back towards where his bunk was going to be. "That wasn't an eerie-ass response. Nope, not at all."

Harry just followed him silently, carrying his little rucksack with a grin.

* * *

"That took a little while," Mal stated from the dining table, discarding a playing card and motioning for Kaylee to go. 

"Yeah, it did," Harry agreed. "Sorry about that, but when I was talking to my friend I found out some very interesting information."

"You did, did you?" Mal asked, keeping an eye on Jayne to make sure he wasn't cheating.

Harry nodded. "Yup, I did. And it was about you." Harry turned from them and daintily skipped his way to the bridge.

Mal and Zoe exchanged wide-eyed worried looks. Mal threw his cards on the table and sprinted after Harry cursing to himself, "_Ai ya, women wanle_."

"Stop right there!" Mal yelled out as he caught up to Harry.

Harry turned around and saw Mal's gun was aimed right at his chest. He merely raised an eyebrow, showing no sign of concern. "Something the matter, Captain?"

"Just what do you think you're _gorram_ doing?" Mal snarled out, staring Harry down.

Harry turned so that his entire body was now facing Mal. "I was going to change course as the proximity sensors are going to go off in about three seconds."

Mal had barely processed that thought when then low level alarms started blaring. Mal waved with his gun towards the bridge. "Go."

Harry spun right around and continued the walk to the bridge. As he walked, he explained loudly over the sound of the alarms, "After I finish flying us around whatever this is, I was thinking we could get Zoe and Jayne and go over how we'll do the museum job. I'm assuming those are the crew members who usually are with you on the ground. Any others you want are welcome as well."

Mal was getting a bit irritated at how unconcerned Harry was.

"One of the things I got while talking with my friend was all of the museum's public records, blueprints, and Alliance approved operating procedure manuals." Harry stated plainly. "The job should be a piece of pie."

"You got all that info?" Mal asked impressed.

Harry nodded. "Yes, but I also got to hear a very personal story from my friend, in addition to learning a thing or two about your crew here."

"That would be why I have a gun pointed to your back." Mal answered over the blaring alarms. "You mind sharing what it is you discovered, and what you plan to do with that information?"

They arrived at the bridge before Harry could answer and Mal looked up to find them flying right into several massive waves of rocks. "_Gos se_!" Mal cursed.

Harry just calmly settled himself in the cockpit, flipped two switches in front of him, slowing the ship down significantly but completely smoothly. He then pulled all the way down on the steering column and guided them up through a valley in the middle of the massive asteroid headed right towards them. Harry cleared the top of the near rock and kept a safe distance from the rest of the rocks in this first wave.

Mal wasn't pointing the gun at Harry anymore, but was instead sitting himself down, a little frazzled at how close that had been. Harry turned another knob and the blaring alarms cut off. Harry leaned into a mic and pressed a button. "Sorry about that folks, I know how annoying that alarm can sound. We are not in any danger, though you might want to just sit down for the next few minutes. Captain, tell them 'Hi' please, so they don't think I've killed you."

Mal wasn't quite ready to be put on the spot and just blurted out an octave or two above normal, "Hi!" He barely noticed how he sounded as his heart was still racing from the near collision. As the next wave approached, Mal noticed Harry was making no effort to try and swing them way wide and hopefully avoid one of the next waves, but instead was simply staring straight ahead, making no movement whatsoever. Mal saw Harry's eyes blink as his posture relaxed slightly and he turned towards Mal in the other seat.

Harry was now completely facing Mal, and wasn't even looking out at the incoming rocks. He ensured he had eye contact with Mal, and explained. "What I discovered was just further examples of your character and the character of your crew. Because, as it turns out, my friend knows who you are, and speaks quite highly of you."

Mal was glancing between the rapidly approaching rocks and Harry's little no-look trick.

Without a glance, Harry's right hand grabbed a hold of the wheel and steered them clear of the first rock. Harry was keeping his eyes on Mal, while weaving in and out of dozens of rocks. When he saw he had Mal's attention, he continued. "After hearing his story, along with my first impressions, it's made me realize I want to be a part of this crew." Harry continued calmly maneuvering the ship through the dangerous giant rocks.

"This friend of yours," Mal asked looking ahead of them as much as he watched Harry. "He got a name?"

Harry nodded sadly and explained. "Yes, but I'm sorry to say I won't be sharing it with you yet. This is one of those bigger secrets, that I'll share with my fellow crew, but if there's a chance you're giving me the boot after this job, I don't exactly want it spreading around. So let's pull this off, you all take a vote on me. And when I pass," Harry stated with certainty as he yanked the steering column to avoid a rock that was getting a bit closer than was comfortable. "I will extend a bit more trust, and we can work out better ways to utilize everything I bring to the table, that may change the way we do our jobs."

Mal was just staring straight ahead as the last of the rocks were passing them by at a much more comfortable distance. He turned his head slowly and asked, "You're that sure you want to work with us?"

Harry took his hand off the steering column and crossed his arms, nodding. "When my mind gets made up, I can be pretty stubborn."

"It's like solid rock in there, isn't it?" Mal suggested with a smile.

"Yup," Harry agreed a little too quickly. "Wait… what?"

* * *

"You want everyone here for this, Captain?" Harry asked when he returned to the kitchen with his own specialized communication device. 

"Sure, why not? We've don't keep secrets from each other on this ship," Mal replied cheekily.

Harry detected a hint of sarcasm in Mal's voice. "That's fine by me, but do they all have to stare at me like that?"

Mal looked over at his crew and realized they weren't exactly being subtle in their observing. "Oh don't mind them. They get this way close to feeding time."

Harry saw no one was breaking off their staring but Kaylee was nodding in agreement. "Anyways, from the information I got, I really only need one other person on the ground besides myself. Should be in and out in less than a couple minutes."

"So you've just decided that you're going to be on the ground," Mal stated more than asked.

Harry hesitated a moment and decided, "Yeah, I have. This job is my job that I'm bringing to you. This isn't me as pilot mutinying the Captain. And I want that book, so I want to be down there in case anything gets dodgy."

"Dodgy?" Jayne asked.

Harry nodded. "I've heard a number of stories from Monty among others. I believe Fanty said you have a bad habit of making easy things difficult."

"Well I don't know about-" Mal jumped to their defense and turned to his first mate.

Zoe had a look of complete disbelief. "Sir?"

"Okay," Mal agreed and nodded. "Maybe, a few of the times, things… have gotten… dodgy."

"So yeah," Harry reiterated. "I'm on the ground. One is all I need, but however many you think should go within reason is fine."

"What's the plan?"

"The plan is," Harry set out his fancy communication device and pushed a button. A three dimensional representation of the museum was projected upward in a transparent slowly rotating glow. "The plan is to go midday. I figure one person will go in and wait, while I'll take out the only video camera. The one inside will then immediately trigger a fire alarm, clearing out the museum. I'll sneak in while the rest are sneaking out and knock the two guards unconscious. The one who'd been inside just needs to watch the door for me."

"Why midday?" Zoe asked directly.

"Because the security is much tighter at night, but during the day its primary protection is the case it's in. Nothing much fancier than that."

"And you can get in that case?" Mal questioned.

Harry nodded, then stopped and shook his head. "Yes, well maybe. But if it's going to be difficult, I'll just take the case with it in there."

"That's a," Simon looked over at Harry warily as he inspected the holographic projecting hunk of technology. "That's a seriously impressive piece of hardware you've got here."

Harry nodded. "Yup. First thing I ever permanently borrowed from the Alliance actually. It's real handy."

"What is it?" Simon inquired not recognizing any branding.

"One of a kind, custom made by a man who was killed and the Alliance took this among other things when they raided his personal property." Harry explained. "Just a toy that in the Alliance's hands would be completely useless."

"I'm a bit more than a toy, Harry." The device retorted back startling Simon.

"Shut it," Harry snapped at the communications unit. "Remember what we decided. Or I'll just turn you off."

The holographic projection stopped spinning and just sat there for a moment, before it petulantly started back up. "Fine."

Harry nodded his head triumphantly.

Mal was watching Harry oddly and trying to place the communicator's familiar voice. "You tell that… weird metal thing who's boss."

"Yeah," Harry agreed relatively sure he was being mocked.

"Who were you thinking should go with you?" Mal asked.

Harry shrugged. "I figure that's up to you. I'd like at least one. If you want a half dozen, that's your call."

Mal looked around. "Kaylee, you need to stay here and keep River focused and Simon from getting into trouble."

"Hey!" Simon protested.

"Joey, Zane," Mal insisted. "We're going with Harry."

"Sir?"

"That didn't sound right, did it?"

"Sounded like two boys' names," River snipped.

"Hey!" Jayne protested though probably not clear on why he was offended.

Harry thought about and replied, "Well, if I'm Mary, and you're Hal, then it sounded about right to me."

"Hal," Inara chuckled. "Now that's the name of someone with an early case of male pattern baldness."

"_Bloody_ Mary," River snarled.

"Anyways," Harry said loudly, stopping everyone's attempts to anger each other. "We're just going to turn right around and head towards Bellerophon once we got the gun. So if anyone wants to do anything planet side, we need to do it before any of the thieving and the crime."

Mal shook his head. "We're not stopping for the shops. The four of us are the only ones getting off, and we're only getting off to do the job. Then turning right around."

"Works for me," Harry said. "And I can tell you all want to gossip about me, so I'll go watch out for more asteroid fields." Harry shut off his specialized com-unit and took it with him up to the bridge.

Once again, the crew just watched Harry daintily skip towards the cockpit.

Mal watched Harry disappear from view unsure how he felt about the young man.

"Captain?" Zoe asked. "You think it's safe with him at point on this job?"

Mal looked at his first mate. "Well," Mal thought about it and finally answered. "I think Kaylee, Simon, and River should be safe."

Jayne just raised a curious eyebrow and took that to mean 'bring grenades.'

"Or at least Kaylee and Simon." Mal amended.

Zoe deadpanned, "Your confidence is overwhelming, Captain."

Mal shrugged. "For all we know this guy could be completely full of it. None of us can get a read on him that he's not specifically feeding us. He could completely freeze up at the first sign of things gone awry."

"Dodgy, I believe is the word you're looking for," Simon suggested.

Inara bit her lip and decided to add, "I don't think he'd freeze up. He does have golden star status, and I don't mind telling you that's a list of only three people in the entire universe. It is not something awarded lightly."

Jayne smiled and seemed to be thinking.

Inara noticed and insisted, "And it's not awarded for what you're thinking, so get your mind out of the gutter."

"Maybe, but I can still think it." Jayne said as he closed his eyes, and smiled wider as he started nodding.

"Could you not do that in the dining area? We will have to eat in here." Simon asked with a nauseous look.

"What… _think_?" Jayne clarified.

Simon nodded.

"You realize asking me not to think makes me think about you?" Jayne pointed out. "And now your sister. And now Kaylee. And now Kaylee _and_ your sister. And now… hey! Where's everybody going?"

* * *

"We're here," Harry unceremoniously announced as he smoothly landed Serenity near a grove of trees in the middle of nowhere. 

Mal was already geared up, sitting next to him. "You ready to do this?"

Harry stood up stretched his back and arms. He cracked his neck and nodded. "Piece of pie."

"You better get your gun," Mal ordered. "If you're going to be on the ground with us."

Harry explained. "Don't have a gun and don't want one."

"I wasn't suggesting," Mal began.

"Hang on, Captain," Harry stopped him with a raise of his hand. "I don't have a gun, but I do have some more secrets. And in this case it's a secret along the lines of high-tech pulse weapons that I keep with me at all times. So don't be surprised if you ever see flashes of different colored lights. It's got the whole spectrum of colors for different effects."

Mal's jaw would have dropped, were he not doing his best to hide his emotions. "You? Have a high-tech pulse weapon?"

Harry was in danger of twittering but managed to act perfectly normal. "Yes, Captain, I do. But they won't work for anyone except me, and we're a long ways from me sharing all of that particular secret with you. If I use one today, I will probably set it to stun, so in this case, that one's a red light."

Mal briefly thought about what this new information about Harry would mean and whether Jayne was about to have a man-crush. He weakly answered, "Okay."

"But if you wouldn't mind," Harry looked Mal in the eye. "I'd prefer for you to keep this information to yourself. Especially, if I don't need to use them in front of anyone or explain it."

Mal raised an eyebrow.

"I wanted you to know, both because I would have told you as Captain anyways," Harry explained. "And also because I want you to know, I _am_ armed and easily capable of taking care of myself."

Mal seemed to be considering it and nodded. "Okay."

Harry and Mal met up with Zoe and Jayne, who had prepped the mule.

"How long is the skiff ride to the museum?" Mal asked.

Harry answered, "About fifteen minutes give or take."

Mal nodded, "Alright River, in twenty five minutes you fire up Serenity, and hover out of sight if you think something's up." Mal turned to Inara, Kaylee, and Simon. "The rest of you, just make sure and remind her."

Mal and Zoe both had their game faces on looking firm and determined as the group of four piled into the mule and took off.

Harry and Jayne both had giddy smiles on their faces that they kept trying to hide.

Fifteen minutes later, Harry had explained to Jayne where the fire alarm was. He instructed him to wait until the camera went toast and then immediately just elbow through the glass.

Zoe and Mal had their guns in hand tucked in their coats, while they waited around the corner from the small museum. Jayne nonchalantly strode into the museum glancing around briefly, but walking purposefully towards his spot. Harry eyed Jayne's progress through the window, and saw he was in place. Harry picked up a good sized rock from the ground, and subtly cast a few charms on his arm and the rock. He made sure the coast was relatively clear and merely stuck his arm in the door. He chucked the rock straight up at the single primitive video monitoring system. It connected and exploded in a shower of sparks and broken glass. A split-second later the fire alarm started blaring and Jayne was smoothly working his way around the crowd.

Standing unnoticed off to the side of the front door were Harry, Zoe, and Mal all waiting until enough people had left.

Sensing the moment was right, Harry turned to Mal and Zoe. He calmly smiled and said, "Follow me."


	5. CHAPTER FOUR: Things Get a Little Doggy

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER FOUR – Things Get a Little Doggy **

"Run!"

"Piece of pie, the man says," Mal sarcastically yelled while the group of four was sprinting towards their mule.

"_Gos se_! I rutting hate guard dogs!" Jayne insisted. "_Gos se_!"

"Why did we leave the _gorram_ mule so far away!" Zoe gasped as they huffed towards it.

Harry peeked over his shoulder. "Aren't those fluffy little fellers going to jump on the mule with us in the time it takes to start the mule up?"

"_Jien tah-duh guay_!" Mal demanded. "That's it. I'm shooting them."

"Good idea!" Jayne replied with a thumbs-up over his shoulder. "I'm still running."

"They're just happy dogs!" Harry pleaded with Mal.

Mal turned, aimed, and fired. "I missed." Mal stopped and looked at his gun. "How did I- _Owww_!" He screeched in pain as a particularly vicious looking poodle clamped down onto Mal's forearm, making him drop his gun. "I can't believe that little _hwin dan_… Oh _gos se_!"

Harry hurriedly tugged Mal's good arm and the pair started sprinting after Zoe and Jayne. "Run!" Mal called out. "They're armed!"

Jayne took a moment to look over his shoulder and see Mal and Harry hightailing it their way, while the rabid pack continued to chase them. A few bursts of speed and Harry and Mal had caught back up with Zoe and Jayne.

"This is kind of fun," Harry said with a smile, though he seemed to be alone in that feeling.

"Sir," Zoe said as she saw the mule in the distance. "We won't be able to start up the mule if they're tearing the flesh from our bones."

Mal nodded. "Soon as we're a little closer, I'm going to lead them away. You start up the mule, get it up to speed and swing around. I'll jump on, _dong ma_?" Mal explained and he began to veer off to the left. "And don't you even think of leaving me behind!"

Jayne saw Mal head towards the left and seem to slow down. "Stupid dogs are still following us!" Jayne exclaimed.

"I'll try and lead them towards Mal." Harry stated before taking a sharp left and running straight for the Captain.

Jayne and Zoe relaxed a bit to see the entire pack veered off and followed Harry. They made it to the mule and fired up the engine.

"You forgot to bring the dogs with you, Captain," Harry yelled out as he caught up with a now wide-eyed and once again sprinting Mal.

"I noticed that, Harry," Mal said. "But you seem to have managed to correct my oversight. You'll forgive me if I don't thank you for putting me back in the line of the vicious killer balls of fluff and rage."

Harry looked over his shoulder at the yipping poodle, with the stain of Mal's blood standing out in stark contrast to its white curly fur and wide open drooling mouth. "I think she likes you."

"Hey Harry," Mal pointed straight ahead as he watched the dogs following them. "You do realize we're now heading back towards the town, right? With the museum? That you just robbed?"

"Hmm," Harry said in between his slightly labored breathing. "That's probably not good. Let's split up. You go right, I'll go left. Break." Harry called out and took a sharp left towards an item in the grass that caught his eye.

Mal just saw Harry turn and turned as well. Mal had only gone a few dozen feet before he realized, "They're all following you!"

"_Gorramit_!" Harry yelled out and turned again before sprinting to catch up with Mal.

Mal was smiling and half-chuckling at the sight of Harry being chased. It took Mal a few moments to realize Harry was headed straight for him and bringing those killer beasts with him once again. "_Gos se_." Mal turned and began to run again, only to be passed by a quicker than he looks Harry.

"I saw you smiling there, Captain. I know you're enjoying this," Harry stated when he saw Mal keeping up with him.

Taking their sweet time on the mule, and now up to speed with big smiles on their faces riding right next to the two sprinting men were Jayne and Zoe. "Aren't your legs getting tired?" Jayne asked.

Mal only now noticed them and leapt over into the mule. Once he cleared out of the way, Harry leapt in right after him. The pack of rabid dogs was keeping up pretty well and every once in a while one would jump up onto the side of the mule only to be pushed back off.

"These are some very persistent dogs," Mal exclaimed. "This thing goes nearly twenty-five, and they're keeping up. It's like they can smell the Lassiter."

Harry's head perked up at the mention of the word _smell_. All of a sudden he smacked his own forehead. "Of course!" Harry exclaimed. He stood up in the mule, reached into one of his pockets and chucked a handful of smelly pink bits over the side. The pack of dogs all stopped chasing and had themselves a minor feeding frenzy where the bits landed.

"What was that?" Mal demanded seeing how easily the dogs gave up.

Harry shook his head. "I completely forgot those were in my pocket. That must have been why the dogs kept chasing us."

"_That_ was why?" Jayne snapped. "What the _gorram_ was that?"

Harry just sheepishly shrugged and bowed his head.

Mal closed his eyes and sighed, "Those were ham cubes, weren't they?"

Harry nodded with a small guilty smile.

Zoe was driving the skiff and turned her head slightly to look at Harry. "You carry ham cubes in your pocket?"

"Not usually," Harry admitted. "That's probably why I forgot they were there."

"Ham cubes?" Jayne questioned. "Does that make sense to anyone?"

Harry tried to explain. "Well, I-"

"Anyone normal," Jayne interrupted angrily.

Harry shut up quick and just frowned. He pulled out the Lassiter and made sure it was okay. When he was satisfied, Harry put it back into his inside coat pocket. "I think that went well."

"Well?" Mal snapped. "That went _well_?"

Harry nodded. "We got it, without having to shoot or hurt anyone."

"I lost my gun!" Mal retorted. "And got mauled!" He lifted up showing his barely bleeding forearm.

"That's right," Harry said reaching into another of his coat's pockets. "Your gun, Captain." Harry presented and returned it to Mal.

"Oh," Mal calmed a little. "Thanks. And why didn't you break out your little-"

"On those sweet little puppies? No thank you, sir. They were just being doggies," Harry said. "Here, let me look at your arm."

Mal was frowning but let Harry take a rag out and clean the blood off his arm. He couldn't tell what Harry was whispering, but his arm seemed to be tingling a bit. "What are you doing?"

Harry's quiet mumbles halted for a moment and he explained, "Just cleaning the blood off to see how bad it is. See? It's barely a scratch. Just the blood made it look worse."

Mal looked down and would have sworn the cut from the bite had been larger and deeper than that. "Thanks," he reluctantly admitted again.

They were still a few minutes out from Serenity and Mal asked, "Piece of pie?"

Harry chuckled. "Be fair now. There was no way to know they added specialized security."

Mal rolled his eyes, but had to admit it hadn't been too bad. "We ain't got paid yet."

Harry nodded.

"River, honey?" Zoe called into the com. "We're about two minutes out. How're things looking on your end?"

"Quiet and uneventful," she replied. Kaylee's voice came over the com too, "No chatter, no alarms, no surprises. We're all shiny here."

"Alright," Zoe explained. "Doc might want to take a look at the Captain's arm."

"Oh no! Is he okay?" Kaylee called back.

Zoe couldn't keep the smile off her face. "I think he'll live."

The skiff drove right up the waiting ramp of Serenity, and Jayne hurriedly closed the cargo bay doors.

"River, get us out of here," Mal called out into the intercom. "Harry, go play nice with her."

Simon had his bag with him and hurried up to the Captain. "Oh wow," Simon said looking up at Mal's hurt forearm. "If we act fast, I may not even have to amputate."

"A doctor and a comedian," Mal grinned humorlessly. "That's fantastic."

Simon had a dead serious look in his eyes and commented, "I hope you shot the thorn that did this."

"Hey now," Mal defended. "It was a rabid attack dog."

"Clearly," Simon nodded. "This certainly isn't the work of just a poodle."

Zoe was just snickering as she walked back towards her bunk.

Simon heard Zoe's snickers and asked, "It _was_ a poodle, wasn't it?"

"It was big and vicious!" Mal insisted.

* * *

Harry walked up to the bridge and found Inara seated in the co-pilot's chair, while River was flying them up out of Hornshoot's atmosphere. 

"Afternoon ladies," Harry announced.

River was pouting silently so Inara returned Harry's greeting, "Hello Harry. Is Mal going to be alright?"

Harry nodded. "Just a little scratch."

"What happened?"

Harry leaned against the wall since both chairs were occupied. "By the Captain's description, it was a big and vicious rabid attack poodle."

Harry was watching closely and saw River smother a smile. Inara had no such reservations and snorted eloquently. "An attack poodle?"

"Yup," Harry nodded. "Took his gun from him too."

Inara giggled happily and even River genuinely smiled. But only until she realized Harry caught her smiling.

Harry grinned triumphantly. "You know, Inara, these first few moments are the most crucial ones to get in mocking the Captain for his brush with death."

Inara knew a hint when she heard one and asked River, "You going to be okay?"

River nodded and gave Harry a cold look. "Piece of pie."

Inara smiled at River's obvious dislike. She got up and announced, "I think I may have a leash that will fit Mal." She caught her own double entendre a moment too late given the brief look of surprise on her face as she swept from the room.

Harry just smiled, making it quite clear he saw Inara's slight blush. He sat himself down in the co-pilot's open chair. "Hello, River."

River momentarily glanced at Harry before returning her focus straight ahead. "Hmph."

"You think you'll be able to work with me?" Harry asked genially.

River stared straight ahead, refusing to give Harry the courtesy of looking at him. "I don't like you. You're a freak."

Harry leaned back and turned straight ahead as well. "You know, there was a time, a comment like that would have really hurt me," Harry admitted. "But now, I take it as a compliment."

"Hmph."

Harry grinned just staring into the vastness of space in front of him. "I know you didn't mean it as one, but I don't let that stop me." Harry sighed and sat in silence for a few minutes. "You know where we're going?"

"Forward," River condescendingly answered.

"I suppose it's hard to argue with that."

An uncomfortable silence settled between them as they stared straight ahead into space. River was stealing glances at Harry and quietly cleared her throat again. "Hmph."

Harry still hadn't even looked towards River. He quietly began, "I know a bit about what they did to you."

River stiffened in disgust that someone she disliked so much would know something so personal.

Harry continued. "I won't pretend to know what you're constantly going through, but I do have a better idea than most."

River still wasn't looking towards Harry either.

"If you'd like me to help, I can." Harry offered. "I would have to ask that you keep this between us though."

River was thinking it over for a moment and asked, "I thought you couldn't help me anytime soon."

"I can't teach you too soon," Harry corrected. "But I _can _help you."

"What do you mean?"

Harry tried to think of an analogy that wouldn't be misconstrued. "Think of it as a dam," He began. "Your gift coupled with some of the Alliance's experimentation has you leaking. Now I'm going to eventually be teaching you how to plug the leak on your own, but if you'd like, I can sort of jam my own mental thumb and plug the leak with a little effort on my part. It weakens to the point of barely working if we're not in the same room."

"A dam?" River asked.

Harry nodded.

"And that makes you the little dutch boy holding the flood back?"

Harry chuckled. "I suppose you could say that."

River turned her shoulders to face him. "Alright," River insisted, acting a little angrier than she felt. "Let's see what you can do."

Harry just raised an eyebrow and slowly turned towards River with a smile. He watched the emotions swirling in River's cold stare. He smirked at her, "Try not to freak out."

* * *

Kaylee, Simon, and Inara were sitting around the table taking turns making fun of Mal. He was accepting their barbs with a smile and secretly plotting his revenge. They all looked up as River came sprinting into the room shrieking in glee. 

"That was amazing!" River exclaimed in unbridled joy.

"What's that?" Mal asked hoping for a change of conversation.

River waved her arms up and down while she span in circles. "Harry said I was some sort of dike, so I let him stick his thumb in me."

Simon began cough uncontrollably.

"It felt wonderful," River sang. "Him just filling me up and plugging my leak."

"River!" Simon shouted aghast.

"Okay," River smiled brightly and nodded. "I'm going to go have him stick it back in." She used one hand to clap a wave goodbye and spun right around to sprint back towards the bridge.

Simon seemed to be rapidly going from pink to red to purple with rage.

Inara was mumbling, "I'm sure it's not…"

Mal was stuttering, "Th- th- that couldn't have been…"

Kaylee was grinning from ear to ear. "Like I said, Harry's kindly."

Finally, Simon began to snap out of his brief catatonia. He flailed his arms and jumped up from his seat. He opened his mouth to exclaim something before snapping it shut and just running towards the bridge.

Kaylee and Inara both jumped up to chase after him, but Mal tried to stop them. "Don't get in that man's way. This is his sister."

"We're not going to _stop him_, poodle slayer," Inara cheekily bit out.

Kaylee nodded and added as she left the table, "We're going to watch and see what happens."

"Oh," Mal realized and hurried to follow the girls.

Harry looked up when Simon came bursting into the room. "What's up, Doc?"

River was in the co-pilot's chair practically writhing in happiness.

Simon took one look at his sister and stormed up to Harry. "You and me! Outside! _Now_!"

Harry leaned forward with a frown and turned to River. "That's not exactly keeping it between us."

"Sorry," River giggled, not sounding the least bit apologetic.

Harry looked at how furious Simon was and calmly looked back at River. "And just what did you tell them?"

River grinned and mocked a deep serious voice. "I told them about how I was a dike, and you jammed your thumb in me and fixed me."

Harry had to clench his eyes shut to contain his initial guffaw. After he had composed himself, he opened his eyes and replied, "Something like that, yeah."

Three different laughing snorts were heard from just outside the door to the bridge.

Simon bristled and blustered his way through no recognizable words.

"Listen, Doctor Tam," Harry explained. "You know how River's always sensing more than even a normal reader does? When she's near me, I can sort of mute the sensations that normal people wouldn't pick up on."

"What?" Simon snapped in angry confusion.

River turned to her brother. "It just feels so good."

Harry clarified, "I think your sister took my analogy a bit more literally than I intended."

"What?" Simon repeated in a more calmed controlled confusion.

Harry tried again. "You know how she feels around me and hates me for it?"

"Yeah," Simon agreed.

"Well now, it's not just me, but everyone _and _everything."

Simon paused and deflated. "So she's going to hate everyone?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's exactly it. She's all fidgety and moaning over there because she's filled with hatred."

"Really?" Simon questioned standing up straighter.

Harry sighed. "No, not really."

Simon stopped and stood there for a moment. He finally found his voice again and asked, "What?"

Harry turned around tiredly and stated. "It's making her feel better and in more control than she probably has since before the Alliance got hold of her. Nothing else matters as much beyond that."

Simon turned back to his sister. "River?"

River smiled brightly at Simon. Without warning, she sprung up out of her chair and jumped at her brother, wrapping her legs and arms around him in a tight hug. She squeezed him tightly and whispered in his ear, "You're the best brother a girl could ever hope for." She clenched him even tighter and genuinely added, "I love you, Simon."

Simon, undoubtedly emotionally exhausted and drained, hugged her back as his eyes began to water. He happily reciprocated, "I love you too, _mei-mei_."

Harry gave them a few moments before loudly adding, "Her elation and euphoria is a bit more severe than I was expecting, but it will pass."

River lifted her head from Simon's shoulder and snapped a frown at Harry. "Shut up, doody head."

Harry ruefully grinned back towards the space in front of him. "Yup. The elation could pass at any moment."

River winked at her brother with a triumphant grin.

* * *

Harry entered the dining area, River following dutifully behind him. Harry announced, "We're probably two days from Bellerophon. I'll give Durran a shout once we're a bit closer." 

"Sounds good," Mal nodded.

"How's the arm?" River asked with a small smile.

Mal frowned and rolled his eyes. "It's fine. So this thing, Harry's doing with his thumb-"

"It's not my thumb," Harry interrupted.

"Whatever," Mal continued. "But it's helping you?"

River nodded.

"Not really," Harry argued.

"Yes, _really_," River insisted.

"Okay fine," Harry admitted. "It makes things better right now, but as soon as I stop, you're right back where you started."

"Then don't stop," River explained as though Harry were a small child.

Mal was fighting a smile watching his two pilots bicker. "So then this ain't the helping you said you could give River?"

Harry shook his head. "No, it isn't. I was talking about teaching her to do sort of this same thing, but to do it herself. What I'm doing now, is more like I'm doing it for her. It takes a little effort and conscious action on my part. When she understands it, it will be purely instinct, subconsciously maintained, and far more effective. Even when she's asleep. What I'm doing now weakens the further from her I get."

Mal was watching River, who seemed more playful than he remembered her being in quite a while. "So I take it, you're going to be following Harry around everywhere?"

River nodded resolutely. "Even to the bathroom."

"Excuse me?" Harry yipped in disbelief, turning to River. "I don't think you-"

"And I sleep on the right side of the bed," River added looking thoughtful. "Just warning you."

"Now hold on a minute," Harry retorted.

"Wow, Harry," Mal grinned. "You really have worked through River's hate quick like."

Harry just frowned at Mal, while River calmly explained, "No, Captain, I still hate him."

"Thank you, River," Harry smiled tiredly.

"But if it means getting him to jam his thumb in me," River insisted firmly. "Then I won't let hating him stop me from sleeping with him."

Jayne walked into the room just in time to catch River's declaration. He raised an eyebrow, "Now that there is an attitude I could get to liking."

"Oh?" Inara asked joining the group. "What attitude is that?"

Jayne smiled while Harry was just looking down in frustration. Jayne replied, "You ever let something as tiny and insignificant as hating a person, stop you from sleeping with them?"

"Excuse me?" Inara asked dangerously.

Jayne raised his hands in deference. "I was just asking if…" Jayne paused and seemed to think for a moment. "You know what? You're just going to hit me. So never mind." Jayne took his drink and left the room.

Inara just watched him go with a curious look.

Mal was shocked. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that was surprisingly mature of Jayne."

"Where's he going?" Simon asked as Jayne brushed by him on his way out.

Inara smirked happily. "He's scared of me."

"Right," Simon said in disbelief. "And why is Harry banging his head on the table?"

"That I don't know," Inara asked noticing Harry was slowly thumping his head.

"If I were to take a guess," Mal began.

"You really don't have to," Harry pleaded without looking up.

Mal smiled and ignored him. "I'd say it's because Harry also prefers the right side of the bed."

Harry looked up and was frowning harshly at Mal.

River suggested. "It could be that he's worried about sleeping naked with me." River shrugged. "But I sleep naked too."

Harry turned to Simon who looked both confused and horrified. "Please tell your sister she can't sleep naked with me."

Simon turned to his smiling sister and stated clearly, "River, you can't sleep naked with Harry."

"There's room in my bunk!" Jayne called out from the next room.

Simon quickly corrected, "You can't sleep naked with anyone. Jayne and Harry most of all."

Mal was grinning happily and pointed out, "Don't you think this should be River's decision?"

"I'd like to think I have a say in this matter!" Harry insisted.

River waved Harry off, "You'll be asleep."

"Not if you're naked in my bed!" Harry hotly retorted.

"I should hope not!" Jayne called out.

Mal was openly chuckling by now and Harry just got up shaking his head. Harry left the room explaining, "I'm going back to the bridge."

Simon pointed at his sister. "And you and I need to have a little talk."

River sprung up from her seat joyfully. "Okay, let's go talk on the bridge," she explained and hurried after Harry.

Simon followed right behind her. "That's not what I meant, I meant _in private_."

Mal watched them leave and was still enjoying himself. "This is kind of fun."

Inara smirked, "Oh yes, it's all fun and games until someone gets mauled by a poodle."

Mal didn't think it was quite as much fun anymore.

* * *

It took about an hour of confusing discussion, but Harry and River reached a tentative compromise that Simon kept arguing over. Harry and River decided to sleep in turns on a cot there on the bridge, so that one of them was free to pilot, while the other slept. That way Harry could do his job and give River a taste of a more controlled sleep. And River could do her job, and repeatedly wake Harry to reapply his mental thumb. 

Harry only agreed because he expected her to tire of the idea after a few nights. Or so he desperately hoped. Because early the next morning, when it was Harry's turn to sleep, River kept shaking him awake every half hour and demanding, "Dam me, big boy."

Harry would tiredly renew his magic and roll back over to sleep damning her the whole time. It was not particularly restful. Especially when after only three hours of frequently interrupted sleep, the entire ship lurched to a great stop and began to slowly spin out of control.

"_Je shr shuh muh lan dong shi!_?" Mal demanded as he ran to the bridge.

Harry tiredly rubbed the crust from his eyes. "No idea what you just said, but it wasn't me. I was asleep."

"Not me either," River explained standing up. "But there's something wrong with her. Let's ask Kaylee."

"Kaylee!" Mal called out loudly into the intercom.

"I'm on it, Captain," Kaylee called back. "You might want to come back here."

Mal swore to himself as he stormed from the bridge.

Harry slowly went to follow him, and saw River was still tagging along wherever he went. "You're sure we didn't hit anything or get shot?"

River frowned but sweetly replied, "Yes, I'm sure you _huh choo-shang tza-jiao duh tzang-huo_."

Harry saw River's smile and knew she was mocking him in Chinese because he didn't speak a lick of it. "I'm doing you a favor here. Be nice."

River smiled cheekily and nodded. "I happen to think I _was_ being nice."

"Hmph," Harry replied as they reached the engine room.

"What's the damage, Kaylee?" Mal asked while the girl was slid underneath a massive panel of exposed wires and parts.

"Oh dear," Kaylee quietly replied though only her legs were sticking out from her current position. "It's not pretty Captain."

"We humped?" Jayne asked as he and Zoe entered the room.

Mal winced, "I don't know if it's all that-"

"We're humped!" Kaylee called back from the ground, startling Jayne.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

Mal looked at Harry curiously. "You know anything about engines?"

"It's the port-side grav boot, Captain," Kaylee called out. "Lining's stripped, attenuator's all out of whack. It's a mess in here."

"Can you fix it?" Mal asked.

Kaylee nodded, "Seeing as we don't have another, yeah. I'm going to have to." She re-emerged from below and stood up holding a doohickey that Harry would have called technological cauliflower. She walked over towards the heart of the engine and pulled a large lever powering everything down. "But we need to conserve while I do. This is going to take a while."

"How long?" Mal asked tiredly.

Kaylee winced. "I'm going to have strip, recoat, and rewire every connection here."

Mal looked up at her and repeated, "How long?"

Kaylee shrugged. "At least a couple days. Maybe more."

"_Jen dao mei_," Mal said with a shake of his head. "This is lovely. Steal something expensive and then spend a few days floating in the black helpless. How far are we from Bellerophon?"

"Another day at full burn," River weakly answered.

Mal looked over at Harry curiously.

Harry tentatively spoke up and suggested, "I _may_ know a… trick that could help us."

"You?" Kaylee asked doubtfully. "Know how to fix this?"

"Sure," Harry insisted with a smile. "I know all about poor sight graph boots."

"Port-side grav boot," Kaylee corrected.

Harry nodded. "Them too."

Kaylee just handed the doohickey to Harry who immediately dropped it when he tried to hold on to a loose piece. "Whoops," Harry explained. "The uhh… thing is…" Harry saw he didn't have a whole lot of their confidence. "I need to go outside to do it."

"You need to go outside?" Mal asked. "In space?"

Harry nodded seriously. "Alone."

Mal turned to Kaylee. She just waved Harry on. "Hey, I'd love to not have to try and fix that hunk of _fei-oo_."

Mal saw Harry looking at him expectantly. Mal shrugged with a small shake of his head, "Suit up."

River began to follow Harry as he took the doohickey and prepared himself for the airlock.

"But what about me?" River begged with a terribly sad frowning face.

Harry shook his head. "You got on alright for years before you ever met me. I think you can handle a few minutes."

She pouted but stayed nearby while Harry put on the largest spacesuit they had and kept the doohickey inside the suit with him.

Simon had by now joined the others and they all just stood there watching Harry. None of them were all that sure why they were bothering with this. Mal waited until Harry was beyond the airlock and stated what everyone was thinking. "God he's weird."

Harry made it outside and crawled around out of sight from all the windows. He briefly tried to recall just why he said he had to go outside rather than just do this in the privacy of his bunk, but he couldn't remember.

Harry pulled both of his arms out of the space suit sleeves and was pushing inside the suit on the abdomen trying to give himself some room to work. He reached into one of his special homemade holsters that kept the wand in constant contact with his arm. It offered him some measure of controlled focus even without drawing it. He pulled out the wand that was the most compatible with him and gave it a few experimental waves. He knew he'd need as much control as he could on this one. He was trying to look down and see what was going on, but it was nearly impossible in the suit. He placed the tip of the wand onto the doohickey and focused as best he could on a simple repairing charm.

Harry grabbed the doohickey and felt around it. It seemed like the charm had worked as the grav boot had clearly changed. Just to be on the safe side, he cast the repairing charm two more times, until he was finally satisfied. He was about to put the wand back into the holster, but hesitated before casting one last spell, a conjuring spell that was easily one of his all-time favorites. His work completed, he once again holstered his wand and disillusioned it to look like a high-tech gauntlet in case he ever lost his sleeves. He made it back into the ship and saw everyone was standing around waiting for him.

Harry flashed them a thumbs-up and removed his suit's helmet. He unzipped the front and pulled out the doohickey. "Kaylee, sweetie, please check this out. But I do believe it worked."

Kaylee took the grav boot from with a wide-eyed look of surprise. "_Lao tyen yeh_! You even cleaned it."

Mal was whipping his head between the shiny grav boot and Harry's goofy smile.

"So it should work?" Harry clarified.

Kaylee shrugged, "Only one way to find out, but I'd swear this was a brand new grav boot if I didn't know better."

Simon was watching Harry doubtfully and asked Kaylee, "Are you sure it's not a new one?"

Kaylee had taken it with her and was headed towards the engine room. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Harry!" River whined.

"Sorry," Harry admitted and reapplied his mental thumb.

It was a moment later the power came back on and Kaylee's shriek could be heard quite easily. "That's crazy!" Kaylee yelled at the top of her lungs.

Mal turned to look at Harry. "Crazy doesn't even begin to describe it."

Harry grinned brightly. "If you think that's nutters, you won't believe what else I found out there."

"What?" Jayne asked curiously looking over Harry's shoulder out the window to the airlock.

Harry reached further into his suit and pulled out a medium sized pink box. "Doughnuts!"

"You found… _doughnuts_?" Simon asked. "In space?"

Harry nodded.

Zoe saw no one else moving and hurried forward. "I'll take one." Zoe reached right in and grabbed herself a glazed twist. She bit right into it and moaned in delight. "Dear God, they're still warm."

Harry bit his tongue preventing himself from saying anything he might regret and silently offered the box towards the others.

"I want one!" Jayne whined and began digging through the box. He took the two with sprinkles.

"Jelly-filled?" River asked.

Zoe peeked into the box and nodded an affirmative.

Harry looked at the ones left. "Captain?"

Mal was just watching his crew eating the mysterious doughnuts in confusion.

"Captain," Harry repeated. "There's a chocolate-covered here with your name on it."

Mal's angry doubting stare finally broke and he smiled like a kid in a candy shop. "Oh alright."

Harry held out the box for Mal, who looked in and saw the chocolate covered cake doughnut. "Hey!" Mal asked in surprise. "Why the hell is my name on this doughnut?" He asked pulling it out from the box and seeing clearly Mal stenciled into the frosting.

Harry shrugged. "You know, if you eat it, then it's not a problem anymore."

Mal bit into the doughnut, relishing the taste. Minutes ago, he was wondering how much food they had for them to live off while stranded in the middle of nowhere. But now Serenity was fixed and he had a pastry that he suspected he didn't want to know the origins of. He replied with a grin, "You can't solve all your problems that way, Harry."

"Really?" Harry asked swallowing the last bite of his doughnut. "No wonder I'm no good with kids." Harry saw everyone seemed to take his last joke a bit too seriously given the looks of horror on some of their faces and the fact that they had all stopped moving to stare at him. An unfortunately timed loud doughnut belch came rumbling out Harry's unprepared mouth. "Excuse me."


	6. CHAPTER FIVE: Secret Agent Man

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER FIVE – Secret Agent Man **

"Why didn't you wake me!" Inara yelled as she punched Mal in the arm.

"Would you stop hitting me?" Mal whined trying to protect his arm.

"You should have woken me, you baboon!"

"I'm sorry," Mal defended. "I was distracted."

"By what?" Inara continued apparently unable to lower her voice.

Mal giggled, "By my delicious and tasty chocolate covered cake doughn- _Owww_!"

Inara snarled as she hit him again.

"Maybe Harry can _magically_ discover some more," Mal suggested rubbing his sore upper arm.

Kaylee sighed. "I didn't get one either, Inara."

Mal grinned. "Besides, you know what they say: a moment on the lips, a lifetime… of being fat, ugly, unwanted, settling for whatever other fat person is willing to be near your chubby- _Owww_!" Mal screeched when Kaylee and Inara both smacked him hard on the arms. "Good god, womans!"

"Careful ladies," Harry said as he walked into the room with River skipping happily behind him. "That's the Captain's injured arm."

Mal lifted up his arm examining his barely noticeable scratch. "I think you aggravated it." Mal whined poking the tender area.

"Besides," Harry explained producing the familiar pink box. "When I saw Jayne sticking his grubby fingers near all of them I saved you two an apple fritter and a cinnamon bun."

"_Tzoo-foo nee_," Kaylee whispered over her breath. "Dibs on the fritter."

Inara glided towards the pink box with her eyes wide, staring intently at the breakfast pastries. "You're a good man, Harry."

The two girls picked up the bun and fritter at the same time, exchanging a sultry look of pure anticipation. They put them in their mouths and slowly savored their first bites. "Mmm," they moaned peacefully in unison.

River felt like joining them and closed her eyes as well gleefully humming, "Mmm" with the other girls.

"Sweet Jesus, Harry," Inara groaned licking her lips after another bite. "Where did you get these and when can I get more?"

"Yeah," Mal asked with a slight frown and inquisitive stare. "Where _did_ you get them?"

Harry shrugged and said, "Would you believe me if I said magic?"

"No," Mal snapped right as Inara swallowed and said, "Yes."

Inara was giving Mal an evil eye and taking great pleasure in not sharing her cinnamon bun with him. "If Harry says it was magic, then I believe him."

Mal chuckled, "And if he says he eats children?"

Inara's eyes went wide and she turned looked at Harry silently wondering.

Harry rolled his eyes and got up to go back to the bridge. "You people have no sense of humor." Harry took two steps and bent down like he was talking to a pet. "Come here, River. Come here girl! That's a good girl. Yes, you're a good River, aren't you?" Harry mocked the young woman. "Come on, girl! Follow me!" He finished and ran towards the front.

River was growling loudly but quickly followed after him nonetheless.

Mal watched River storming away and pondered, "She's going to hurt him real bad one of these days."

Inara shrugged. "If I recall correctly, Jayne was in some pain when she stabbed him."

Mal chuckled in remembrance. "You know there was a time that really worried me. But now, it's just funny to think about."

Inara smiled warmly, temporarily forgetting her animosity towards present company. "So what do you think of Harry? Going to keep him around for a while?"

Mal saw Inara seemed to like the young man and carefully answered. "I think… I think now would be a good time to get everyone not named Harry together for a little chat."

Inara got up from the table and helpfully offered, "I'll go fetch Kaylee and Simon."

"I'll get Zoe and Jayne," Mal stated. "And I don't think we'll be separating River from Harry just yet."

Inara nodded and the two went their separate ways.

* * *

River sat next to Harry just watching him from the co-pilot's chair. 

Harry made sure they were on course and decided to make the call. He pulled his personal com-unit out of one of his jacket pockets and cycled through a few screens on it. Harry looked over at River and saw her just quietly observing him.

A crackle and a buzz sounded, before the video image and voice of Durran Haymer appeared on the tiny com-unit's screen. "Harry? Is that you?"

Harry grinned down at the man. "Who else would it be?"

Durran rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I think you only call to infuriate me."

"You know you missed me, Durran," Harry grinned cheekily.

"Do you at least have some good news?"

Harry reached into his pocket and waggled the Lassiter in front of the video transmitter. "That good enough for you?"

"Be careful with that, you ingrate!" Durran called out with wide eyes.

Harry spun it around his finger like a six-shooter. "You worry too much."

"Where was it?"

Harry shook his head. "This _gorram _thing has been stolen and sold at least dozen times before I lost track of it. But it resurfaced way out on the rim. Fellow by the name of Jimmy Christmas bought it, and thought he bought it legit it seems. No matter though. You'll have your precious little toy back in a few hours."

Durran huffed. "I'll believe when I see it."

Harry nodded. "I'm running with some new friends, so I'd appreciate you having the coin ready, as well as my book."

"New friends?" Durran asked curiously. "Do you ever use the same people?"

Harry thought about it and glanced to his left at River. "I'm thinking I might stick with these folks for a while. It's why I'm hoping to be professional-like about them getting paid."

"I'll have the money," Durran explained. "And I still don't see what's so special about that book. I've got some far older."

Harry gave a small nod. "Truth to tell, I'd like that book even better if it was a little newer."

Durran sighed. "I don't think you quite grasp the concept of antiquities and artifacts from the Earth-That-Was."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Harry cajoled. "We've had this conversation a dozen times. Have you heard about anything in your neighborhood that would interest me?"

Durran shook his head. "Haven't been asking much. I've been busy working lately."

"Anything fun?"

Durran shrugged. "Chemical engineering for some secretive advanced aeronautics. They're always trying to build a better spaceship."

"You could've just said 'No, nothing fun.' You don't have to go out of your way to bore me with technicalities," Harry quipped.

"Fine," Durran agreed. "When should I expect you?"

Harry thought about it, and answered, "I'm guessing about six hours. Coming in on a Firefly."

"A Firefly?" Durran sneered. "Slumming, are we?"

"Hey now," Harry retorted. "This ship's got some heart. More than that soulless top of the line crap you probably prefer."

"Be careful with my gun," Durran ordered.

"But of course," Harry mocked. "When am I anything but careful?"

Durran just grumbled quietly.

"I'll see you in six hours or so. Might even bring a face you remember," Harry smirked knowingly.

"What?" Durran asked in surprise. "Who do you-"

A single punch of a button and Durran was cut off, leaving Harry smiling mischievously.

Harry was still grinning and looked over at River watching him closely. "How you doing?"

River tilted her head. "You're not as puzzling as you want to be."

"Come again?"

River smiled happily. "You know what I'm thinking. Do you need me to say it?"

"I usually do my best to not listen in, but you're right," Harry admitted. "A lot of times I can't block you out. Especially when I'm the wall around your head."

"You're not like anyone else," River stated turning away from Harry and lacing the words with clear accusation.

Harry grinned and agreed. "I'd like to think that's true."

"Why do you hide it?"

Harry stiffened ever so slightly. "Hide what?"

River pouted. "If I knew that, you wouldn't be hiding it."

"I suppose that's true," Harry admitted. "A secret's not a secret when someone else knows."

"Are you scared?" River asked honestly.

Harry glanced over at her. "Of what?"

River shook her head. "I used to hide things about myself. I was scared."

"You still are scared," Harry pointed out.

"I thought you were trying to block me out," River frowned.

"Sorry," Harry said helplessly.

River paused and seemed to be looking around the bridge indiscriminately. "So if you're not going to share what you're hiding, will you at least tell me what you're looking for?"

"What makes you think I'm looking for anything?" Harry asked with a smile, slightly impressed at how intuitive River was even with her reading muffled.

"You seek out curious pieces of history, relics from the Earth-That-Was," River explained. "You wished for a newer book from Durran, not an older more valuable one. That's a quest for knowledge or answers. Not a collection."

"You're pretty perceptive."

River was leaning back staring up at the ceiling. "You think I'm pretty?"

"That's not quite what I said," Harry chuckled.

"You do," River stated with certainty. "Don't worry. That won't make me hate you more."

Harry merely mulled silently to himself.

"Is there anything you're willing to admit that's true?" River inquired sending Harry a piercing stare.

"There's nothing I've said that isn't true," Harry insisted.

River narrowed her eyes. "Who taught you how to speak in half-truths?"

Harry smirked in remembrance, "A very old man, a long time ago."

River raised an eyebrow. "So if you don't want to share what you're hiding, you don't want to share what you're looking for, and you won't even admit that you think I'm pretty, how do you expect me to ever trust you?"

Harry turned to River with a twinkle in his eyes. "I think you're pretty."

"Not good enough," River replied.

"Why would I want you to trust me?"

"Because you need it," River stated. "You thrive when you can be yourself. That's why you keep working with different crews. You haven't found anyone you want to be yourself with. You told Mal you wanted to be a part of this crew. That means you want us to trust you."

"You think you have me all figured out, do you?" Harry asked. "So tell me this then. If I can teach you to use your own mental thumb, then you're a very capable pilot. Which would leave me out of a job, and I'd have no place on this crew. Wouldn't it make more sense to get everyone else to trust me? Everyone but you?"

River shook her head. "You want me to trust you. You feel guilty in my head. I can feel that much in your thumb. And besides, we couldn't get rid of you now."

"Is that so?" Harry asked curiously.

"You make the doughnuts." River stated. "You never get rid of the person who makes the doughnuts."

Harry smiled widely in fond remembrance of a similar statement. He snapped out of his mild daydream and clarified, "I never said I made the doughnuts. I said I found them."

River smirked victoriously and looked right into Harry's eyes. "Now is there nothing you've said that isn't true?"

Harry broke eye contact and looked straight ahead into space admitting defeat. "Hmm."

* * *

"Shouldn't we get River for this?" Simon asked seeing everyone else was present. 

Mal turned to the doctor. "You think we could separate her from Harry?"

Simon sat back in frustration and grumbled, "True."

"So what?" Jayne asked. "Are we here to vote on Harry now?"

Mal shook his head. "No, not yet. I figure our opinion on the boy'll change once we get paid. I just thought we should take a little stock of our situation and see what we all think."

"I think he broke out of a bughouse," Jayne began. "But I like him. As long as we get paid-"

"And doughnuts," Zoe chimed in.

"Yes!" Jayne said pointing his finger at Zoe. "And doughnuts!"

"Don't you think it's a bit… odd?" Mal asked. "I mean there's about twenty completely inexplicable question marks floating around with him so far."

Inara nodded. "That was the gist of what Camille told me. He's peculiar, but everyone seems to like him."

"Except Madame Trudy," Mal recalled.

"No," Inara shook her head. "I'm pretty sure she likes him too. He just likes to rile her up. What I'm not certain about is whether people like him in spite of his… _eccentricities_. Or because of them."

Kaylee nodded. "He saved me probably forty hours of work on the grav boot. I'd give him a medal just for that."

"I hate him," Simon admitted vehemently before softening. "But with what he's done for River already…" Simon sighed. "In just a few days, he's helped her more than anything else has in all the years we've been on this boat. Frankly, if you booted him off, I'd probably go with him just for River's sake."

"Really?" Jayne asked with a hopeful smile.

Zoe ignored Jayne and added, "I don't understand him at all. But there's no denying the effect he's had on your sister."

"That's part of what worries me," Mal stated. He saw everyone looking up at him for more. Mal opened his mouth and then closed it. After a few moments of hesitation he admitted, "I think he might be some Alliance secret agent."

"Harry?" Zoe asked incredulously. "He's practically the opposite of what I'd expect from the Alliance."

Mal nodded. "Which in and of itself is curious too. But look at what we know about him. He knew who Jayne was." Mal counted, sticking his thumb in the air.

"That was 'cause of that rutting statue!" Jayne explained.

Mal continued and stuck out another finger, "He admits to accessing Alliance files, including something called Blue Ops, that I ain't ever heard of. He's got some high-tech com device that runs off its own signal from what I can tell."

"He said he stole that from the Alliance," Inara pointed out.

Mal kept going, "Our grav boot mysteriously craps out while he's conveniently asleep."

"It was a hunk of _fei-oo_," Kaylee argued.

"He didn't even get the name right, but _was _able to fix it," Mal kept going. "He supposedly pulled a box of doughnuts out of the black. He appeared on my boat after we'd been in the air for ninety minutes. He's got at least one friend in high places, maybe more. He knows all about River's condition and has managed to make himself extremely necessary to her well-being. And," Mal hesitated for a moment but went on, "and he has some customized special high-tech pulse weapons that he claims only work for him."

"What!" Zoe asked unaware of this last point.

"Really?" Jayne asked with a hungry look in his eyes.

Mal nodded. "He warned me about the different colors doing different things in case we saw a red laser or something."

"What's it look like?" Jayne asked gleefully.

Mal shook his head. "I haven't seen it. Or them rather. He spoke of 'em in plurals."

Kaylee looked doubtful. "He seems so… harmless. Are you sure about this?"

Mal shrugged. "I put a gun right to his face and he wasn't the slightest bit concerned. That boy has to have had some serious training."

Inara winced and caught Mal's eye.

"You got something to add, Inara?"

Inara frowned and carefully admitted, "I'm not at liberty to say why, but if he feels threatened, I wouldn't be terribly surprised if he could overcome all of us. Probably with ease."

"Is that a fact?" Mal asked with a raised eyebrow.

Inara shrugged. "As factual as a weird sounding secondhand account can be."

Simon shook his head. "I don't like this."

"Me neither," Mal admitted. "But even with all of that, so far he's only helped us. And all his recommendations came back glowing."

Jayne summarized, "Let me get this straight. We seem to think he's some sort of Alliance stoolie and we're just going to go about things, business as usual?"

Mal shrugged. "I think he's got a mission. Some sort of agenda, and to be honest, I don't think it concerns us."

"Sir?" Zoe asked in disbelief.

"We sought him out," Mal explained. "He didn't seek us out. He's most definitely involved in jobs that aren't federally sponsored, but he might have clearance to get around that. The way I figure, he was doing work with Monty, Fanty and Mingo, stealing for Durran Haymer and he was with all sorts of different crews. Something about us has tickled his fancy." Mal turned to Simon, "And I don't think it's your sister. That bit of help he's giving her now and talks about teaching to her sure seems like a chore to him. I figure we lucked out getting the advantages he brings with him to this boat. But I know for damn sure, he's got some kind of agenda of his own. He ain't into thieving for the money and the boy's got ethics. He didn't want me to shoot those damn dogs and he was plum glad no one got hurt stealing that gun."

"No one got hurt?" Inara repeated with a raised eyebrow.

Mal rolled his eyes but was unconsciously rubbing his arm. "My mind says he's a fed, and my gut says trust him. It don't make no sense."

"Captain?" Harry's voice came over the intercom.

Mal got up and pushed the button to talk back. "What is it, Harry?"

"First," Harry's voice replied. "River and I were walking back and overheard a little of your conversation. I was able to tell you didn't want me to be a part of it and came back here to call you."

"That's mighty honest of you, Harry," Mal replied looking over at the others.

"You know, Alliance protocol and all," Harry admitted. "I'm not allowed to lie."

Mal's eyes widened taking him seriously for a moment before processing what he said.

"And River here would've tattled on me anyway," Harry snickered. "But I also wanted you to know, Durran's expecting us and says he'll have your money. We're all set for when we arrive in a few hours."

"Alright," Mal replied curtly.

There was a moment of silence before River's voice came over the intercom. "Want me to keep him busy for a while longer, Captain?"

Mal rolled his eyes. "No, we're done in here."

"Aye aye, Captain!" River cheered happily.

Mal shook his head. "Why do I get the feeling Harry and River are going to try out-weird each other?"

Jayne looked confused. "Did he just admit to being a fed?"

"Who knows," Mal replied, giving up on trying to figure out Harry for now.

* * *

Harry pouted. "You really don't want to come with?" 

"Reacquainting myself with people I've stolen from," Mal explained, "is not my idea of fun."

Harry begged. "He won't hurt you, but it'll be funny just to see his face."

"Harry," Mal insisted. "The people I treat fair-like have a bad habit of shooting at me. I'm not about to press my luck with the ones I've robbed from. 'Sides, this gives the rest of us a chance to have a proper pow-wow. See if we got use for you on another job."

"So no one's coming with me?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow turning towards the silent River waiting around the corner. "You're not worried about me just skipping off with your money?"

Mal grinned, "Not as long as your fancy com-unit and other goodies are still on my boat."

"I was going to bring that with me," Harry admitted. "But if it'll make you feel better, I'll leave it behind."

"I appreciate that," Mal replied. "You can just take the shuttle on down to Bellerophon."

Harry nodded. "Just warning you, don't take the com-unit to your little pow-wow unless you want me to have an ear in there. He likes to listen in, and he'd tell me all the wonderful things you've said about me."

It was only a few minutes later that Harry was separated from River for the first time in a while. He knocked on the door to Inara's shuttle. "Heya sweetcheeks."

"Back for more tea?" Inara asked with a grin.

Harry smiled helplessly. "I'm not about to say no to that, but I thought you should know, the Captain wants to have a little pow-wow and you're invited. River's even already there and away from me. Said something about an odor she was tiring of."

"Right now?" Inara asked with a snicker.

Harry nodded. "As soon as everyone's together, I suspect so."

Inara shut down the contact sheet she had been updating and got up to leave.

Harry stood the side and watched her go. "Make sure and remind everyone how wonderful I am."

"How could they ever forget?" Inara smarmily replied as she turned the corner.

Harry just grinned waiting for a moment before hurrying into Inara's shuttle. He sealed the door the closed and hopped into the shuttle's cockpit. He fired up it's engine and took off away from the ship, pleasantly imagining Inara's angry yelling.

"_Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro_!" Inara snarled banging on the sealed hatch.

"What was that?" Mal inquired coming around the corner hearing Inara's knocking.

Inara snapped at him. "Why the hell did he just steal my shuttle?"

Mal snickered. "I suppose I failed to clarify exactly which shuttle I wanted him to take. Honest mistake, I'm sure."

"_Fei hua_!" Inara insisted. "He knew damn well what you meant."

"Relax," Mal countered. "He'll be back. I think he was just pouting because I was willing to trust him to go alone. Rather than letting him see Durran's face upon meeting me again."

Inara was shaking her finger at Mal in anger. She started to say something and kept stopping herself. Finally she just grunted in frustration, turned, and went the other way.

Mal just followed her dutifully, silently awarding Harry a few points for amusing him.

River began her argument. "He followed me home. He's housebroken. Can I keep him?"

"You still want him, even if he's Alliance?" Mal asked.

River shook her head. "Why would he be Alliance?"

"The high tech com-unit, the high-tech pulse weapons, the friend on the inside, everything he knows about you," Mal rattled off, pausing after the last one when he recognized River's warning growl.

"Is he really helping you?" Simon asked his sister.

River's bottom lip began trembling as she started to cry. "I hate it when he's not around now. It's so much louder. It hurts."

Simon sighed and hugged her tightly.

"Listen, darling," Mal said. "We all figure he's worth the oddities, if he's helping you. We don't think he's a danger or risk, but you probably have a better grasp of him than the rest of us."

"He's hiding something," River explained somberly through her sniffles. "Something bigger than all the little mysteries we've seen so far. And he's searching for answers. Answers the Alliance doesn't have."

"You want us to get rid of him?" Mal asked. "You say the word, and he'll be on his merry way off my boat and out of your life."

River shook her head vehemently but still holding onto Simon for dear life. She whispered the words she didn't want to admit to herself. "I don't think I would want to be without him."

* * *

"Welcome Harry," Durran greeted with a wry smile. 

"How's life treating you, Durran?" Harry replied, walking up to the man and shaking his hand.

Durran smiled slightly. "A bit better if you've got my gun."

Harry reached into his jacket and carefully pulled out the famed Lassiter. "Right here."

Durran accepted it reverently, checking it for scratches or imperfections.

"It's fine," Harry grumbled.

Durran ignored him and was closely inspecting it himself. "Surprisingly," he murmured quietly. He walked over towards his new and improved display case and gently set the first handheld laser pistol onto its custom cradle. He was still looking at his gun and offhandedly remarked, "I thought you were going to bring friends. Someone I know?"

Harry frowned. "Sadly, he was unable to make it. They're using this time away from me to gossip and trade all my dirty little secrets."

"All of them?" Durran asked with a small smile. "So what? You're going to stay here for a couple weeks?"

"Oh shush," Harry scolded. "They're probably done with their deliberation by now."

"You in a hurry?" Durran asked. "I've got your money all set. Had it transferred into platinum because I figured that'd be easier for you to spend."

"No, not in a hurry," Harry said shaking his head. "I sort of borrowed without permission a Companion's shuttle. I think I'd rather give her a little time to cool off."

Durran shook his head and walked over to the bar. "Care to have a drink and kill a little time then?"

"Sure," Harry agreed with a smile, settling himself comfortably onto the couch. "Scotch, if you got it."

Durran nodded and poured Harry a double. He handed it to him. "So can you spin me a tale of your daring adventure to rescue my Lassiter?"

Harry sniffed his drink and took a sip. He took a deep breath and began, "So there we were pinned down under enemy fire. Surrounded in all directions. There were at least fifty battle hardened soldiers converging on our position, and everyone was on their last clip. I knew I wasn't going to survive, but I told myself, Durran needs this gun. This fancy schmancy but archaic laser beam thingamajig deserves to be back in my personal hero Durran Haymer's hands. I wasn't about to let them get their grubby hands on it, so I hid it. Like a chipmunk, in my cheeks. Only I knew it wouldn't fit in my mouth so I had to use my backup cheeks. Still a tight fit but I knew-"

"Thank you, Harry," Durran grimaced and interrupted. "That was… beautiful."

"I didn't even get to the monkeys," Harry whined.

Durran chuckled. "I can imagine."

Harry sighed. "In truth, there _were _vicious attack poodles."

"Right," Durran patronizingly concurred. "The monkeys were no problem until the poodles jumped into the fray."

Harry chewed his lip looking around the room. "Something tells me I shouldn't bother trying to convince you the poodles were real." Harry took another sip. "Your turn. What sort of crazy adventurous work have you been doing?"

"Well," Durran sat back with a roll of his eyes. "Nothing quite so fascinating as attack poodles, monkeys, and chipmunks. And of course, I'm completely sworn to secrecy on every level. God, those bureaucrats are anal. But they've got some brilliant minds making some impossible breakthroughs."

Harry frowned. "You could at least lie and make it sound a little interesting."

"This could revolutionize space travel," Durran argued. "Speeds on an order of magnitude only theorized before."

"Instantaneous travel in the blink of an eye?" Harry replied with a knowing smirk. "I can only imagine."

Durran looked at Harry curiously. He was watching him closely and finally gave up shaking his head. "Sometimes, Harry, it seems like you're from the future where we've mastered time travel and you've come back here just to laugh at us."

Harry couldn't help but to respond with laughter. "I'm just trying to keep you on your toes."

Durran rolled his eyes.

"But anyways," Harry sighed finishing off his drink. "I should probably head on back. Shall we conclude our business?"

Durran got up and handed Harry a Bank of Londinium bag full of platinum. "Here's the money. Today's exchange rate got you a little over two hundred forty thousand in platinum."

"Peachy," Harry agreed peeking into the heavy bag.

Durran walked over to one of his glass display cases, and slid the cabinet door at the bottom. There were several books not on display stored down here. He flipped through them trying to locate the right one. "I still don't understand why you want this book so bad."

Harry stood up and walked over towards the case. "You probably wouldn't understand. It's kind of personal."

"Ahh," Durran said with a nod. "Frankly I've never even paid any attention to it. Drat! Where did it go?"

Harry grinned. "Here, allow me. Believe it or not, I wouldn't be surprised that if the book didn't want you to find it, then you wouldn't be able to."

Durran backed off and let Harry peek into his lesser collection down there. "Be my guest."

Harry was thumbing through them all gently treating the spines with care, seeing if there was anything else of interest. He knew the muggle protection charms made the book seem much less noticeable and that Durran probably couldn't even read or recall the title. "Here it is." Harry announced pulling the large tome out.

Durran glanced down at the book and looked right back up at Harry. "Yes, that's the one. So did you see anything else in there I could tempt you with in the future?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope," he replied wiping some of the dust off of the book. "Not this time, but do keep me in mind please."

"I always do," Durran replied. "And you know my tastes too. Can you still be reached at that messaging box thing you have?"

Harry tucked the book under his arm, and grabbed the bag of money in the other hand. "Yes sir. If I'm within range I get the message immediately. If not, I'll get the message when I am in range."

"Someday," Durran smirked. "You're going to have to tell me where you got that wonderful toy."

"Oh come now, Durran," Harry admitted as he walked back towards Inara's shuttle. "If I told you that-"

"You'd have to kill me?" Durran mockingly guessed.

Harry shook his head. "Naw, you're too useful. I'd just have to have your memory wiped."

"Goodbye Harry," Durran tiredly replied. "And I don't say it often, but thank you for getting my Lassiter."

"You're welcome. I'll talk to you later," Harry said as he closed the shuttle door and took off towards the waiting Serenity.

Harry docked onto the ship and opened the shuttle door. As expected, there was a still irate Companion waiting on the other side. Before Inara even could begin to berate and yell at him, Harry sprung forward and squeezed her into a hug. "Oh thank you, sugar britches. I'm so glad you let me borrow your shuttle. The other one didn't have any tea at all on it, and I knew you'd understand. She flies like a real beauty. Although, I thought it was curious that you have all those pictures of the crew but the ones of Mal seemed to have been handled so much more."

Inara kept opening her mouth to interrupt him, but Harry wasn't letting her get a word in. "No matter. That's none of my business. But I've got to get them all their money before they start hating me. Thanks so much again, Inara. You're a doll, sweetie. A real doll."

And by the time Inara had realized it Harry was past her and making his way towards the dining area. "Now you just hold on a minute," she called out chasing after him.

Harry was ignoring her and hurrying away. "Captain!" he called out. "I have returned with all ye plunder and booty!"

"Booty?" Jayne perked up at the word.

"Things go smoothly?" Mal asked as Harry hurried into the room, surprisingly unharmed.

Inara was red-faced and following after him.

Harry hefted the bag and set it onto the table. "Durran figured you'd prefer it in platinum rather then credits and had it converted this afternoon."

Harry saw Mal's eyes widen and Jayne's mouth water. "Err… I didn't clarify the payment was credits, did I?" Harry chuckled. "Well, then I suppose you should be pleased to be getting almost two and half times what you were expecting. Exchange rate put your take over two-forty."

Mal was looking in the bank bag and nodded resolutely. "You did good, Harry. You did real good."

Harry saw River run into the dining area and sent out his mental thumb immediately.

River closed her eyes and relaxed as she quickly seated herself at the table. "Thank you, Harry."

Harry's eyebrows rose a bit and looked around. "Did you all hear that too?"

Kaylee nodded with a smile.

Harry took it as a good sign and uncertainly replied, "You're welcome, River."

River heard the slight confusion in his voice and relaxed knowing she could continue to hate him. "Is that your new book?" She asked seeing the large dusty tome under his arm.

Harry saw everyone was looking at him but not the book and set it down on the table.

"That looks pretty old," Simon admitted before looking away. Everyone else had looked briefly at the book and then turned away as well. Everyone other than River.

Harry could feel her curiosity as she came over to look at the book a bit closer. He could tell she was resisting the old charms on the book, or they at least didn't affect her as strongly.

She leaned over to inspect the cover and read out loud, "_Hogwarts, A History_? Updated for 2193? That _is_ old."

"Weird sounding too," Jayne pointed out in confusion.

"What do you expect?" Inara huffed still obviously annoyed. "It's _Harry_."


	7. CHAPTER SIX: Frankly, You're Dead

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER SIX – Frankly, You're Dead**

Harry finished securing his latest book to keep it away from any accidentally prying eyes. He wasn't sure if there would be anything useful in it or not, but he could at least find out what might have changed about Hogwarts in the sixty years following his self-induced magical nap. He was fighting the temptation to read it now, but knew he'd be better off waiting until River was asleep.

Harry and the still persistently present River walked back to the common area that was their dining room. "Hey Captain," Harry asked seeing they'd finished splitting up the money. "Or is it Mal, now? Time for me to get on out of here or do you think you're going to have a use for me for the near future?"

Mal looked up and was scrutinizing Harry. He was letting Harry sweat for a moment, before letting a small smile cross his face. "I'm going against what my brain is telling me, but there's a place here for you, if you want it."

Harry just smiled in response and nodded once.

Mal nodded, "In particular, your usefulness to the lovely Miss Tam made all the difference considering how many secrets you seem intent on keeping. But I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you were a bit more forthcoming on all of your… oddities."

"Oddities?" Harry grinned. "Is that your attempt at a nice way of calling me really _gorram_ weird?"

"Something like that," Mal admitted. "Now I was hoping, we could have us a little get-to-know-you session. Maybe see if there ain't some simple things you're willing to share with us."

Harry bit his lip and said, "Fair enough. But there are some answers that would only lead to more questions. On those for now, you may just have to take my word when I say I'll tell you later."

"Like how old you are?" Mal asked.

"Exactly," Harry answered.

"You won't even say how old you are?" Jayne asked in confusion. "You still a minor or something?"

Harry rolled his eyes briefly noticing that Jayne and Durran both seemed to judge him on the opposite extremes of reality. "Let's just move on please."

"Fine," Jayne pouted. "It don't matter to me none."

"What about where were you born?" Inara inquired. "Or where did you grow up?"

Harry wondered if they'd ask anything he could safely answer. "Err… next question."

Mal sighed loudly. "How bout something a little easier. You got a last name?"

Harry clapped his hands together and pointed at Mal. "Excellent! Yes, I do have a last name. That was a good question."

They all just stared at Harry oddly waiting for more.

Finally Simon broke the silence and asked more than a touch irritated, "What _is_ your last name?"

Harry winced a little and said, "I've not told anyone that one, simply because it periodically shows back up on Alliance radar." Harry saw the frustrated disbelieving looks on their faces. "But I guess I don't see the harm if I'm expecting you all to trust me." Harry smiled up at them and replied, "It's Potter. I'm Harry Potter."

The reaction to this announcement was not what Harry was expecting.

"_Ni ta ma de. Tianxia suoyoude ren. Dou gaisi,_" Zoe swore quietly with wide eyes.

Mal's jaw just dropped open.

River yelped loudly and began to back away. "The devil! He's the devil!"

Inara, Simon, and Kaylee just leaned back and seemed to pull away from Harry.

Jayne saw the confusion and fear on Harry's face, and just started chuckling happily.

Harry just groaned and dropped his face into his hands.

"Stop it!" River yelled freaking out but reluctant to leave Harry's presence. "Stop doing that! Get out of my head!"

"Sorry," Harry grumbled and released his hold on River's uncontrolled Legilimency.

Mal snapped his jaw shut and then slowly clarified. "Your name's… Potter?"

Harry looked up and shook his head. "Nope. Not at all. Why would you think that?"

Simon looked over to his sister. "Is he going to explode? Eat us? What?"

River's eyes were clenched shut ignoring the outside world. "No! Don't stop _that_! Stop that other thing you were doing! What were you doing?"

"Look at me," Harry ordered when River was holding her head and looking away. "River, I need eye contact from you."

She hesitantly lifted her head and looked at Harry. For a moment she saw a carefully restrained and controlled swirling power behind the shimmering twinkle in his eyes. The sheer breadth and depth of it overwhelmed her and she gasped in terror.

"Relax River," Harry called out in a firm but soothing manner. "Listen, sweetie. You're fighting me here. I can't help you when you're fighting me."

Harry saw River flinching in fear and got up and moved over to her. He put both of his hands on either side of her head. "Look at me. I'm not going to hurt you. I can help you. But you have to stop fighting me."

"It hurts," River cried as tears began welling up. "It's so loud."

"Shhh," Harry hushed her quietly staring right into her eyes.

River looked up at him with wide frightful eyes, tears streaming down her face. She spoke so quietly it was barely a whisper. "Don't… don't hurt me."

Harry held his stare and maintained eye contact with her, smiling warmly. "I'm not going to hurt you."

River's frantic breathing halted as she closed her eyes and exhaled. The tension in her body began to lessen, and she whispered once more. "Thank you."

Harry said nothing but led her over to the couch opposite the kitchen area. She feebly let Harry guide her there and relaxed into the familiar feel of the cushions.

Harry looked over and saw everyone watching him in worry and confusion.

Mal opened his mouth once more and repeated, "Your name's… _Potter_?"

River's eyes snapped open and looked over towards the dining table. Her lips thinned as she kept her mouth sealed shut, observing them all.

Harry pulled a chair over close to the couch so he wouldn't be far from River. He weakly answered, not wanting to meet their eyes right now. "Maybe."

Jayne started chuckling again lessening the tension in the room.

Harry smiled and shook his head. He rested a hand on River's shoulder and rubbed gently to assure her he wasn't going anywhere. "And I thought that would be a safe one to answer."

"What the hell was that?" Simon demanded loudly, once the situation seemed under control.

"Simon," River snapped back. "No."

Simon sat back immediately mollified.

"Either of you two mind clearing up what just happened?" Mal asked looking between River staring down her brother and Harry's weak smile.

Harry glanced over at River and saw she wasn't ashamed or as frightened.

River answered calmly, "I freaked out."

Harry snickered at her succinct explanation.

"We gathered that much," Mal explained.

"Harry's thumb tried to stop me from freaking out. It freaked me out more."

Harry nodded indicating River had the gist of it.

"I didn't know his thumb could do that, but now I do. And it won't freak me out again."

"What exactly can it do?" Zoe asked curiously noticing Harry's genuine concern for the first time.

"According to Harry, it was trying to calm me," River replied. "Like a drug."

"How'd you figure that out?" Kaylee asked. "Harry didn't say nothing."

"No," River explained. "His eyes told me."

Harry shrugged and nodded, preferring to remain silent for now.

"You're okay now though?" Simon asked, frustrated at his own inability to help or understand this.

River nodded and slowly sat back up. "Yup. And I trust him now. He can start teaching me."

"Really?" Harry asked unconvinced.

River nodded resolutely with a dead serious expression. "We'll work on it for a couple hours before I go to sleep."

"Yes ma'am," Harry agreed doubtfully.

River smiled and walked back over to the dining table. "Now we weren't done interrogating our pilot, were we?"

Harry grinned at how quickly River bounced back. He went back to his chair at the table and said. "Alright. I'm ready to avoid and deflect more questions. Hit me with your best shot."

"Do you work for the Alliance?" Mal asked immediately.

Harry saw everyone seemed pretty convinced he did and could only laugh. After a couple moments Harry saw he was making them uneasy and decided a little truth would be a good idea here. "I'll be honest, they tried to recruit for a special operation a couple years ago, but… well there's a reason I keep my last name to myself."

Simon's eyes narrowed. "You completely avoided the question."

"Why would you seriously think I'm a fed?"

Inara raised an eyebrow. "Well perhaps your ability to consistently deflect the question."

"That could just be all my Companion training," Harry suggested back with a wink.

Inara frowned and said nothing while Mal jumped in, "The only people I know without a little proper fear of the Alliance seem to be those pretty high up in the Alliance. You've got some kind of inside man who apparently knows us, you've got some sort of cutting edge fancy high-tech communication device, and you've got some customized pulse weapons."

"Yeah," Jayne cheered. "Break those bad boys out!"

Harry slowly nodded. "When you put it like that, it does sound suspicious."

"Weapons! Weapons!" Jayne clapped in excitement.

Harry shook his head. "Sorry Jayne. Those would only disappoint you, I'm afraid. But I think it is time I gave you an explanation for all the rest of what you just said. About two years ago, after some circumstances beyond my control, I found myself at a secret Alliance facility where they were recruiting me for a job. I, not so respectfully declined. In the process of breaking out of that facility, I picked up this little toy." Harry announced pulling out his familiar com-unit.

"It seems the Alliance had managed to kill a gifted young man, and this was an unfinished project of his," Harry explained. "Now I could try and explain it to you, but I'd more than likely mangle half the words, so why don't we let him fill you in on the rest." Harry pushed the power button activating it. The small screen flickered a couple times showing no image or response. Harry spoke loudly, "Introduction time, Frank."

"Harry," the voice called back. "You keep calling me that and I'll issue more bulletins about an unidentified green-eyed man who keeps violating goats."

"I like to call him Frank," Harry explained to the crew. "But he prefers, and I'm guessing you all know him as Mr. Universe."

"Hey Mal!" the oddly recognizable voice called out happily.

Mal looked at everyone else oddly. "Mr. Universe?"

"The one and only," Mr. Universe called back. "Zoe, I know it doesn't count for much, but you have my much belated condolences. I was just as upset to hear about Wash as I was to hear that I died."

Zoe was caught way off guard and uncertainly accepted. "Err… thank you. Sorry for your loss, too?" She ended in a half-question.

"No worries," Mr. Universe called back. "I won't pretend that our deaths were worth it, but that signal you guys got out _had_ to be sent. And I do want to thank all of you for… well, I guess for making my death count for something."

Simon saw everyone else seemed a bit shaken at the reminders of the events two years ago. "Umm… Mr. Universe? Where are you? Or what are you?"

"Dr. Tam?" Mr. Universe clarified. "May I call you Simon?"

"Sure," Simon replied.

"What has the green-eyed weirdo told you all about me?"

"Only that he stole this specialized communications device from the Alliance."

"Bah!" Mr. Universe barked. "It wasn't theirs in the first place. Basically, I was developing a portable transmitter that could piggyback on standard signals to be carried distances typically only capable with the full-scale broadcast stations. I created an artificial intelligence and imprinted it as a clone of my own. Even gave it my own voice. While AI's have never really been my specialty, I was quite proud of what I'd managed so far. But I hadn't finished it yet when… well… you know what happened."

"Anyway," Mr. Universe continued sounding inordinately proud of himself. "Harry here snagged it up, worked a little of his special brand of magic-"

Harry cleared his throat loudly.

"You called me Frank!" Mr. Universe snapped back.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Just explain it to them, you bucket of bolts."

"Be nice. As I was saying, Harry managed to get me working in a way that I doubt anyone understands and here I am. When I realized I was conscious, and what happened, I wanted a little freedom. So Harry broke into the Alliance's massive internal information network and set me up with the world at my metaphorical fingertips. That's where another instance of me lives. I can copy myself around to places, and this little baby is my electronic womb of sorts."

The crew seemed to have only a glimpse of an understanding of just what this meant.

Zoe asked, "Wouldn't the Federal techs catch on to something like that?"

"Yes well," Mr. Universe admitted. "I do on occasion attract attention. And that's what I keep Harry around for."

Harry explained. "Whenever someone stumbles across something they shouldn't, he can erase his own tracks in the system. And it's up to me to erase his tracks outside the system. It's only happened four times in over eighteen months now. He helps me out, I help him out. He covers up things, stalls them, gets all the good information on just about everything the Alliance is keeping tabs on. And I'm… uniquely suited to making sure he gets to… exist."

"In the most expansive digital playground in the entire 'verse," Mr. Universe cheered.

"And yet you still made me track down your stupid 'bot," Harry snarked.

"Hey now," Mr. Universe argued. "An intelligence has needs."

That comment was one of those conversation halters that forced the crew to stop and think, before thinking about how they felt about their thinking. Kaylee cheerfully redirected the discussion. "If you hadn't finished making this yet, when you, you know. Then how're you… needy?"

"Harry," Mr. Universe said as though that explained everything.

Everyone turned to Harry expectantly, who only shrugged. "You all saw how I fixed that dorsal raft boot thing. I tried to fix this hunk of junk and," Harry paused considering his words before just settling on, "I suppose we should call this an oddity."

"Like I said, no one understands it," Mr. Universe stated. "Theoretically, Harry should but I think his brain's gone round the bend."

Harry rolled his eyes and privately hoped Mr. Universe had the good sense not to blab too many of Harry's secrets. He hated being unable to curse or control the artificial intelligence, but it was way too handy not to use. "You be nice too."

Mal sighed loudly and announced. "I need a drink."

"For what it's worth," Mr. Universe added. "Harry's as kooky as all get out, but a dead useful guy to have around. I think he'll be a good fit with your crew."

Everyone turned to Harry and saw him smile widely flashing his pearly whites.

Jayne asked Harry, "Why do you call him Frank?"

"Please don't start that," Mr. Universe pleaded pitifully.

Harry grinned and pointed at the com-unit with his thumb. "I brought that little Frankenstein monster to life."

Mr. Universe snapped, "Don't think I can't get revenge on _anyone_ who calls me that wretched name."

"It's no worse than Potter," River stated plainly earning a scowl from Harry.

Mr. Universe just laughed heartily. "I like you, River."

"Thank you, Mr. Universe," she replied smiling victoriously at Harry.

Inara was observing Harry closely and asked, "What possessed you to steal that device anyway?"

Mr. Universe laughed again. "He didn't tell you?"

Harry replied, "I figured if they were studying it in that facility, then it must have had some value."

"Right," Mr. Universe chuckled. "Now tell them the real reason."

Inara enjoyed seeing Harry squirm. "The real reason?"

Harry grumbled quietly and finally admitted out loud. "Because it was shiny."

Everyone seemed to find this terribly amusing though Mr. Universe held little sympathy for Harry. "Ahh, Harry. Such a fine line between genius and well trained chimp."

"Oh har har har," Harry rolled his eyes. "Hey Captain, where to?"

Mal looked over at Inara and seemed to reluctantly admit, "Let's head on over to Persephone. See if we can't catch ourselves a little work. Maybe spend some of our new coin." Mal grinned at his mechanic. "I know Kaylee's had her eyes on picking up a new dress."

Kaylee squealed and clapped. "Oh bless you, Captain!"

Mal turned back towards Harry with a half-hearted stare. "Something tells me we should take advantage of an opportunity for a little R and R while we can."

"I'll point us and step on the gas," Harry stated and headed off towards the bridge. River hopped up and followed him obediently.

Inara hesitated a moment and asked, "Any idea how long we're going to be on Persephone?"

"You know I ain't asked for rent on your shuttle and I'm not gonna," Mal pointed out avoiding the question.

Inara stiffened. "I like to keep my options open."

"Options?" Mal grinned ruefully. "Is that what the kids call it these days?"

Zoe, Jayne, Simon and Kaylee stayed silent, all too familiar with this argument.

Inara sighed tiredly. "Must we go through this every time?"

"My apologies, Ambassador," Mal drawled out thick with sarcasm. "You have my word we won't leave the area for at least a week. That gonna be enough whoring time for you?" Mal didn't even wait for a response before leaving the room to go lay down in his bunk.

Inara exhaled and wondered for the thousandth time if staying here was a good idea. She saw everyone else didn't even seem phased to see them argue yet again. She felt it may not even be worth the oxygen it would take to apologize once more.

"Awkward silences aside, it's somewhat comforting to see the last two years haven't changed Mal any," Mr. Universe's voice reminded everyone of his presence.

"I doubt giving birth to a baby Reaver would change that stubborn fool," Inara huffed as she left the room.

Jayne furrowed his brow. "Now that there's a mental image I've never had before."

* * *

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what you are?" River asked curiously. 

"I'd reply 'I'm Harry,' but that could easily be misinterpreted," Harry said with a smile. "So what makes you think you're ready to learn this and willing to trust me enough?"

River frowned but admitted, "I've gotten so used to you being there, that when you left me earlier it hurt worse than it has in years."

Harry stared at her accusingly. "That's a simple matter of equilibrium. Without any high points, the lows didn't feel as low. If you remember how much you were glowing and dancing when I first became your little Dutch boy, then you should have known it would leave you susceptible to feeling that much worse too."

River tried again. "Because I hate feeling weak. I hate relying on you."

Harry shook his head. "These are reasons why you feel obligated and determined to learning, not to trusting me."

"Because I'm willing to do anything no matter how distasteful," River snapped.

"That's good to know, and something I'll be sure and pass on to Jayne. But it won't help us here any. I need to know why you think you can trust _me_," Harry replied. "Because I don't think you do yet."

"What do you want to hear?" River whined. "I'm completely vulnerable to you. I'm willing and open to whatever you tell me to do. If you say I have to break my pinkies for this, I'll snap them right now."

Harry shook his head. "You're not completely vulnerable. Not yet. And that's part of the problem. My opinion of you doesn't matter to you."

"Yes it does," River insisted.

Harry grinned. "Why is that?"

River stopped and looked away. She seemed to be thinking about the answer.

"You know I'm in your head," Harry reminded. "And I can feel when you're trying to lie to me."

River's bottom lip was protruding in a particularly cute pout.

"Why does my opinion matter to you?" Harry repeated saying the words a little slowly and deliberately.

River sighed and reluctantly replied, "Because you're the only one who can fix me. And I need you."

Harry nodded. "While both of those statements may be true, they still say nothing about you being capable of trusting me. They're more prone to indicate that you feel hopeless and are relying on me simply because there's no other alternative. Not because you trust me."

River looked up at Harry a little scared. "I trusted you when I was panicking. I trusted you not to hurt me."

"True," Harry conceded. "But do you remember why you trusted me? What changed in you to make you trust me?"

River seemed to be trying to recall, though that time was already a sort of blur to her. "I don't think anything changed. I just did."

"That's correct," Harry replied. "You trusted me because I _made_ you trust me. I took advantage of your mind and fabricated that feeling. I violated your own free will and forced you to trust me. I saw it as the easiest way to get you to calm down, short of knocking you unconscious."

River frowned and felt dirty at the implications. It rang too familiar to the experimentation the doctors at the Alliance did, taking away her freedoms and forcing her to feel and experience what they wanted her to. She didn't even notice it but for the first time since she was a child, she started grinding her teeth.

Harry appeared completely unconcerned. "I can feel the anger pulsing off you, and will make no apology for my actions. It was what I felt would be the best way to make you feel better. And I could do it again right now. I could turn your anger into happiness, gratefulness, and generosity. I could even make you sexually attracted to me right now. And that's why I'm still asking, why do you think you can trust me?"

"If you can do all that, why don't you just force me to trust you and get on with this?" River practically snarled.

Harry shook his head, "For getting something I want, or getting something done, it would work. But not for teaching you an extremely difficult and complicated discipline."

"So how can I trust you?" River argued. "Everything I ever feel around you is suspect. You could be making me like you for all I know."

"Close enough to true, I suppose," Harry offhandedly remarked. "But that's been the case since the moment you met me."

"And I know nothing about you!" River complained passionately. "You hold everything so close, because you're so _gorram_ scared. You haven't even openly lied so much as you haven't even said anything, true or not."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I suppose that's somewhat fair to say. Do you think knowing more about me would leave you more inclined to trust me?"

"I don't think it's fair that I have to trust you," River replied, "when you obviously don't trust any of us."

"It isn't fair. But that's a big part of why you need it for me to be able to instruct you. For the purposes of learning this, we're not on equal footing. This is a Master to an Apprentice sort of relationship."

River furrowed her brow at the odd reference and argued, "For the training yes, but I thought we were talking about trust. Trust is on an equal footing. Your inability to trust _me_ makes me that much less inclined to trust _you_. I'm the one here who's completely open and vulnerable already. Now I need you to be at least a little more open with me. Throw me a bone of trust and I'll trust you that much more."

Harry bit his lip at all the bad sexual innuendo puns that came to mind. "You make a good case." Harry admitted rubbing his chin in thought.

"Even something that's not mission critical to your secret agenda here. What's the first thing you remember? Did you have a pet growing up? Just something… _real_."

Harry stopped and began to wonder why he was keeping so much to himself. "When I was fifteen months old, my parents were murdered by a very bad man. They gave their lives to save mine. I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle who didn't want me. They neglected me and stunted my growth horribly. For the first ten years there I lived in a cupboard. I liked to think of the spiders that shared my cupboard as my pets but it wasn't quite the same as hugging a puppy."

River's eyes widened and began to glisten just hearing this. She could sense the complete veracity in his words through him and within her own instincts. And she could also see how unaffected Harry was by telling it.

"It was made all the worse because they had a son of their own the same age as me: my cousin, Dudley. They spoiled that poor boy rotten, lavishing him with gifts, getting him everything he wanted, and letting him eat all the sweets in disgusting, unhealthy amounts. At meals, he'd get massive helpings and portions, and a number of times they forced me to wait until they were all done before I was allowed to eat the tiny leftover scraps of food they permitted me to have. I did nearly all the chores around the house as soon as I was physically capable of them. I had to cook them their meals that I wasn't allowed to eat. Dudley, on the other hand, had his own bedroom as well as a second bedroom for all his extra and broken toys, which on very rare occasions I was allowed to play with."

Harry saw the pity in River's eyes as her tears began to well up and spill over. He paid it no mind, too used to it by now. "They took pleasure in calling me freak, the boy, and all sorts of derogatory names. As well as pointing out how Dudley's broken toys deserved their own room, but I should be grateful for my cupboard. I never even knew when my birthday was until my teacher told me. I never liked the holidays much because they'd force me to watch Dudley open his piles and piles of gifts, while I would get just one if I was lucky. Once I got a used toothpick, but probably the most common gift was my uncle would give me one of his old, dirty, unmatched socks. I got a cracker one time that I ate immediately and smiled at my aunt and uncle. I think they were disappointed that it didn't upset me more."

Harry saw River looked a little upset and slightly confused. "And despite a childhood that was criminally neglectful and filled with so little happiness, I never really hated them. I pitied them, and especially Dudley. With the way they raised him, he never had a chance. With the way they handled me – because I can't call what they did _raising_ me, they were either going to break me or toughen me up. And I'd like to think I've not broken yet."

Harry saw his early biography had the desired effect and River was just staring at Harry in deep thought. He smiled cheekily and added, "And now that is all completely truthful and you know a little about me."

"You didn't deserve that," River stated calmly.

Harry nodded solemnly. "No child deserves my childhood. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen."

"How can you be so calm? How can you be so honest about something so personal and it not bother you?" River half-hysterically said, wiping her eyes. "I mean I'm the one crying here!"

Harry thought about it for a moment and admitted, "There are a lot of things within a person's grasp or control. The best thing you can do about the stuff beyond your control is to accept it and move on."

"So what happened to your family? Where are they now?"

"Dead," Harry said with a shrug.

River's eyes widened. "Did you kill them?"

Harry laughed and shook his head. "No, I didn't. Heart disease nailed my uncle and cousin, and my aunt actually died of breast cancer before either of them. All three died in a span of just over a couple years."

"Heart disease killed your cousin?" River asked dubiously.

Harry knew what she was thinking and simply nodded.

"Don't suppose you want to tell me how old you are now," River hopefully asked.

Harry shook his head with a smile. "Not yet. Once we get a little further in this trust between us, I will."

River frowned sadly but accepted that, opting for a small change of direction in the conversation. "So why is trust so important to this training?"

"Can't you guess?" Harry grinned.

River thought about it and thought about it. She was beginning to get irritated by Harry's knowing grin. "Because you take pleasure in tormenting me and holding this over my head?"

Harry frowned. "Hey now, I only do that because it's fun."

River shook her head. "I don't even understand what I'm doing or you're doing well enough to have any idea."

Harry shrugged. "I'm not sure how much I get it either. But basically, I need you to trust me because I'm going to be manipulating and violating your mind to my fullest non-permanently damaging ability. Forcing you to trust me was like poking you with a needle. Now I need to start chopping off your limbs and sewing them back on."

River's eyes widened in fear.

Harry nodded. "Because you need to understand what reading can do, in order to control your own. But on the bright side this'll also teach you to stop me and anyone else from doing any sort of reading on you."

River sighed. "Why does it have to be so hard?"

Harry shrugged. "If I were crueler, it'd be possible I suppose for me to just rip your thought processes apart and try and force your instincts to adapt. But that would more likely kill or permanently damage you. The trust is also needed because I'm going to know everything about you. You won't have any secrets from me, until you are capable of protecting them."

River frowned but was staring right at Harry playfully. "I wish there was some _magic _way to just learn this overnight."

Harry only chuckled admitting nothing. "You appreciate things more when you have to work for them."

"Oh yes," River mocked. "I'm going to be so grateful with you inside my head."

"River," Harry patronizingly reminded. "I'm already there." He made a hand motion of jamming his thumb.

River furrowed her brow. "Well then why don't you find out all my secrets already?"

Harry shook his head. "We're not there yet. And I want you paying attention when we do. Because we're both going to be going through them."

River frowned a little in fear.

Harry smiled slightly and added. "No more hiding from yourself either. I know some of what they did to you, but it's like I said: beyond your control, accept it and move on. Even those bits you've buried way down and refuse to face. Everyone's got their demons. You just gotta get to know them, so they're not so scary."

River's bottom lip was trembling. "Wh- What if I don't want to?"

"Not an option," Harry replied. "Besides, I'll be there with you whether you like it or not. Most people don't have incredibly charming and brilliant comrades when they face their internal demons."

River seemed to be thinking over what Harry was saying and feared what they would find. She slowly began to realize she was also scared what he would think of her. "I think I'm ready for bed. Let's go get your book."

Harry raised an eyebrow and asked defensively. "My book?"

River nodded. "The one you're dying to read? Your new, old one about pig warts?"

"What makes you so sure I want my book?"

River shook her head patronizingly at Harry. "I _am_ a reader. And I _am_ connected to your thumb, Dutch boy. Now I don't want to get all cold and frightened in my sleep just for you to steal away and grab your book. I know you'd return probably before I woke up, but still. Since it's not a secret, let's just go get it. And use the restroom too."

Harry just chuckled, though inwardly a little worried at how easily she seemed to be able to read him. "Yes, ma'am."

One quick little trip to Harry's bunk, where he used the facilities and brushed his teeth, followed by a trip to River's bunk, where she did the same took them less then fifteen minutes. Harry watched the small smile blossom on her face as she fell asleep and couldn't help but be reminded of the times he watched his wife fall asleep. He lazily daydreamed about his better half, wondering how much fun she would be having if she were still around in this future. Some of his fondest memories came from school, and he immediately recalled what he had been itching to do all day.

He cast a perimeter alert charm near the door and a reverse silencing charm over River herself. He looked at his book, _Hogwarts, A History_. He knew most of the castle probably didn't change, but there were appendices with detailed biographies on all the Headmasters, and blurbs about most of the staff too. He wasn't sure what compelled him, but Harry decided to go ahead and glimpse over the Introduction to this updated volume. His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when he read that first line.

_As you may know, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has now been closed for three years__.  
_


	8. CHAPTER SEVEN: A History Lesson

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER SEVEN – A History Lesson**

_As you may know, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has now been closed for three years. And it is my fear that this may be the final revision to _Hogwarts, A History_ for the near future, potentially ever._

_For those of you refusing to leave, intent on staying behind, I implore you to reconsider. _Exodus for Existence_ is not some muggleborn conspiracy campaign. The planet Earth is degrading rapidly. Our natural resources have been drying up for centuries and our very atmosphere is crumbling. The planet will not be able to sustain life for much longer. This isn't a question of sustaining life 'as we know it.' Life 'as we know it' has changed drastically just within the last half century. Over a dozen species of magical creatures have already gone extinct, as have more than twice as many non-magical species. We, the human race, have adapted to the best our ability. The best muggle and magical minds have been working hand in hand trying to determine a method to save our world. Every remotely reasonable and many unreasonable options have been attempted. They've all failed. Life will go on. We will survive. But we won't survive on this planet._

_I applaud all the people that have accepted this fact and prepared accordingly. Gigantic interstellar ships have been built and there will be muggle helmed metroships continuing to evacuate the planet for the next three years. I have already booked my extended family for the final magic-only ship leaving in February of next year. If you evacuate on a mixed ship of muggles and wizards, you must retain the Statute of Secrecy. Every mixed ship will have a fully sanctioned squadron of Aurors enforcing our internationally approved laws._

_The wizarding world will continue on. There's been some discussion for exclusively magical planets whose existence we can keep secret. The voyage to our new homes will take upwards of fifty years. There will undoubtedly be a transition period, but life will continue. Do not condemn your friends and family by clinging to the belief that we can save Earth once the muggles are gone. Many magical races have chosen death over relocation. I implore you all to not make the same mistake._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry Fullerton, Order of Merlin First Class  
Headmaster of Hogwarts (2164-2190)  
Ambassador and Lord over Castle Hogwarts  
March 6, 2193_

Harry set the book down and looked up in horror. "Why the bloody hell didn't they wake me?" Harry's mind was shattered and confused. The wizards and witches apparently did leave the Earth, and it really was as bad as it sounded. Harry wasn't a boastful man. He didn't possess an over-inflated sense of self-worth. But he couldn't help himself from wondering if he could have made a difference, if he might have been able to do something more.

Harry had remembered the environmental extremists that had become more prevalent in his last couple decades with his wife. On her urging, they had donated to more charities than he could even name. But until two years ago, he never would have imagined that it could have gotten so bad, _especially_ so quickly.

And now, he was right back where'd he been for the past two years: alone in a new solar system, with all signs pointing towards the fact that there were no other wizards or witches left in the universe. He'd been searching for answers to all the questions that continued to plague him. He'd been searching for everything magical he could. Every wand he located, every magical artifact he could find, and in particular every book he came across, was a priceless treasure and a small piece of the puzzle that Harry was still trying to fit together.

It sounded to Harry as though the majority of the wizarding world left Earth with the muggles. And every piece of evidence Harry could find indicated they never arrived in the new solar system. But he knew that wasn't right. The Weasleys, or more accurately, the Weatherbys existed as muggles among muggles. He wouldn't be here if they hadn't.

Harry looked over the introduction letter again and slammed the book closed in frustration. "It just doesn't make sense!"

Harry was lost in his thoughts again when his perimeter ward was tripped. He hurriedly canceled the reverse silencing charm on River and stuffed _Hogwarts, A History_ out of sight. Harry looked up as Jayne quietly stuck his head through the door. "You're up late," Harry said with a smile.

Jayne grunted. "Couldn't sleep."

Harry raised an eyebrow, "We gotta be quiet for sleeping beauty over there, but you're welcome to join me."

Jayne saw River resting peacefully and sat himself down in the co-pilot's chair. "You can't leave her side, can you?"

Harry shrugged. "I could, but she'd probably start having nightmares, wake up in a cold sweat, and be really angry with me."

"Yeah," Jayne admitted with a shake of his head. "She's had some bad ones."

"You watch her sleep often?" Harry inquired accusingly.

Jayne snapped up to look at Harry. "What? Oh no… me and her? No, not that. Though come to think of it, I wouldn't be terribly opposed to the idea. She's just woken me up with her screaming to high hell a few times. And let's just say I ain't exactly easily awoken. So this prolly ain't the same as the nightmares you and me get."

Harry wondered how some of the nightmares of his youth would measure up but elected to only nod. He had a pretty good idea why Jayne was here and didn't feel like jumping into that conversation just yet. He took advantage of the brief silence and asked, "Mind if I ask you a question?"

"Is it about that rutting statue?" Jayne asked distastefully.

Harry laughed softly and shook his head. "No. If you're anything like I expect, you probably hate that statue as much as I would hate statues of me."

Jayne examined Harry curiously, thinking that was a particularly odd way of looking at it but agreeing.

"No," Harry continued. "I was curious why everyone freaked out about my name. Because I'm usually pretty good at squelching the Ministry bulletins and I wouldn't think you'd have come across it before."

"Oh _that_," Jayne snickered. "Yeah, you wouldn't know it but a couple years back just before the _gos se_ hit the fan, we were in a bar when little bit over there whispered out the name 'Miranda' and then went freaktastic on everyone. Totally trashed the bar, like some super soldier, kicking everyone's butt. No one could stop her."

"Jayne," Harry said in a disappointed tone of voice. "Did you get beat up by a girl?"

"Who told you that?" Jayne demanded loudly.

"Shh," Harry snickered and hushed with his finger on his lips.

River moaned a slight sound in her sleep and rolled back over.

"I was just kidding," Harry whispered. "Though I think I may have touched a nerve."

"Yeah, well," Jayne paused for just a moment. "We followed up on the name Miranda and that didn't exactly turn out so hot to say the least. Lost Wash, they razed Shepherd Book's entire village to the ground, killing little kids, Book, and everyone else. They killed Mr. Universe. Course we find out it's just a massive cover-up and Mal has to go do the hero thing. Didn't even make a _gorram_ dime. Bout as humped as you can get. So anyway, about a week or so before we hooked up with you, she broke out the freaktastic routine again. Just kind of stopped what was she was doing, stared off into space and yelped out the name 'Potter.' Then she turned to Mal and the others and began screaming the name 'Potter! Potter!' over and over again as she ran from the room."

"Oh," Harry admitted not liking the sound of that.

Jayne bobbed his head from side to side and added, "It didn't really help none, that when she stopped what she was doing and ran from the room, she'd been in the middle of _landing _on Paquin."

Harry snickered quietly and looked over at River again. "Yeah, I can see why you felt the need to hire another pilot."

Jayne nodded and explained, "And that's why we agreed to avoid anything and everything to do with the name Potter. I suppose it's Mal's typical luck that we'd already hired you before we got your name. Certainly makes us less inclined to want to know what you're hiding, especially if it involves a government cover-up and massive history shaking secrets."

Harry couldn't take the painful irony of Jayne's words and snorted out his laughter louder than he'd wanted to.

"_Shee-niou_," Jayne cursed softly seeing Harry all atwitter. "I don't wanna know, Harry. I really don't."

Harry just waved him off unable to contain his laughter. He restrained himself as soon as River began to moan loudly in her sleep. Harry quickly hushed Jayne again, despite the fact that Harry had been the one making noise this time. Both Harry and Jayne paused and looked at each other in silence when River purred happily in her sleep, "_Mmmm_, Harry."

This time the roles were reversed as Jayne was snickering and twittering while Harry responded by paling in embarrassment.

"_Mmmm_," Jayne purred quietly.

Harry's eyes widened and scolded in a whisper, "Stop it!"

"_Hmmm_?" Jayne mockingly hummed back.

Harry frowned harshly. "I'm sure it's not what it sounds like. It's probably just the muting I'm giving her reading senses. You remember how good that makes her feel."

Jayne was watching Harry curiously and asked, "Are you trying to defend someone else's wet dreams? Because I know your common sense is floating out there in the black and all, but most of the time someone else's secret dirty desires don't exactly fall under your jurisdiction."

Harry stopped and wondered why he was so defensive there, because it wasn't his problem. But it _was_ funny. Harry began to chuckle quietly, only to be interrupted by River rolling back over to sleep and murmuring out, "Me hate you long time."

Jayne tried to cover his mouth but couldn't keep himself from snorting. He jumped up from the co-pilot's chair, and as quickly and quietly as he could, hurried away from the bridge while Harry just reddened in embarrassment again. A few seconds later, loud braying laughter could be heard echoing in the distance. Harry shook his head helplessly, fearful of River's wrath when Jayne undoubtedly brought the subject up later.

After a few moments of quiet pondering, Harry dug out his book once more and flipped back the appendices. He was looking through all the Headmasters and was briefly reminded of his own foray into the position. He saw they still had given him over a page towards his life's biography. A few mentions of his wife and her passing made Harry skip to the end.

_Former Headmaster Potter was last seen in public in 2132 when he attended the funeral for the son, Simon Miller, of his deceased goddaughter, Eliza Weasley. There has never been any conclusive evidence that he has passed away. His well-known dislike for public interest in his private affairs leads credence to the idea that he has merely become more reclusive and has been avoiding the limelight. He has no known familial ties, and his family fortune is still believed to be held in trust, further indicating that he is alive, most likely retired, and enjoying the peaceful solitude he could never find under the scrutiny of the public eye._

"Hmm," Harry considered. "That's a pretty reasonable summation actually." Harry thought they may have been over-exaggerating his dislike for the press, but he liked that idea better than the alternative. He flipped forward a few pages and found the entry he'd been hoping to locate.

_Harry Edward Fullerton (2097- ?)  
Headmaster of Hogwarts 2164-2190  
Slytherin, Class of 2115_

_Headmaster Harry Fullerton, like his namesake the former Headmaster Potter, was one of the youngest wizards of the modern age to take on the position. Fullerton served as Deputy for only seven years before Headmistress Rebecca Gordon retired leaving the position to her former research partner._

_Before beginning at Hogwarts, Fullerton worked hand in hand with the muggle scientist Doctor Gregory Holmes, unraveling and finally putting an end to the continuous feud over blood'__s affect on magical ability. Discovering the dominant and recessive genes determining the ability to access internal magic has made it possible to tell as early as the first trimester whether a child will be magical or not. The science of magic has explained the reasoning for squibs to be born to people of magical descent and how recessive-gene carrying muggles can give birth to magical children. His work encountered much resistance from the few remaining so-called pureblood families, but his findings have been widely accepted and were incorporated into Hogwarts curriculum when he became Deputy Headmaster in 2157._

_Fullerton was awarded the Order of Merlin First Class for his research and willingness to discover the truth behind what makes us magical. While the science proving how wizards and witches use magic and just what magic is, has yet to be have any conclusive proof, his willingness to use muggle methods and means has determined exactly who is magical and why. Fullerton's primary muggle partner, Dr. Holmes became the first muggle to be awarded and recognized for achievement in a magical field. Further inquiries and experimentation on magical people and their genes came from the inclusion of Headmistress Gordon into the project, a project she took a great interest in as one of the first muggleborn females to become Headmaster of Hogwarts._

_History may eventually remember Fullerton best as the Headmaster who closed Hogwarts' doors. The number of students attending nearly halved each year from 2187 to 2190, as civilization has been forced to abandon and evacuate our rapidly deteriorating planet. Fullerton has dedicated the last three years, spending a large majority of Hogwarts funds working with the goblins and many of the best ward specialists in the world, to creating the strongest and most self-sufficient wards they can manage. The library alone has as many protections as the highest security vaults in Gringotts._

_The future of Hogwarts is uncertain, but Headmaster Fullerton has done everything in his power to protect the history and prestige of this glorious castle and fine institution._

"Reading, eh?" Jayne said from behind Harry scaring him into action.

Harry quickly shut the book and turned around with his hand raised, aimed towards Jayne.

Jayne just looked at him oddly and high-fived Harry's open palm. "Good work, Harry."

"Sorry," Harry sheepishly said as he tried to subtly put the book away. "You just startled me."

Jayne smirked. "All the more reason not to read."

Harry chuckled. "Good point. So what're you doing still up?"

Jayne shrugged. "Same reason I couldn't sleep earlier."

Harry rolled his eyes. "They won't work for you, Jayne. I assure you. They're not even as fun as you're imagining."

"Can't I just see them?" Jayne whined. "See you fire one?"

Harry glanced over at the sleeping River. "This is bothering you enough that you can't sleep?"

"If I say yes will you show me?" Jayne impatiently answered.

Harry smirked. "I'll help you out by demonstrating its ability to painlessly stun you."

"Really?" Jayne smiled. "This ain't going to mess up my brain any, is it?"

Harry glanced over at River again and slowly pulled up his right sleeve revealing what appeared to be a smooth metallic fancy technological gauntlet of sorts.

"Whoa," Jayne breathed out in awe at the sight.

Jayne took a step forward and Harry held up a finger to stop him. "Ah-ah, no touching." Harry grinned and rubbed the glamour hidden wand strapped to his forearm. "Just watch."

Jayne just nodded dumbly with a big smile, while Harry quietly whispered "_Stupefy_." Jayne's eyes widened in joy to see the red light zoom from the base of Harry's palm and slam into his midsection.

Harry watched Jayne happily take the stunner to the belly before collapsing limply on the floor. Harry shook his head with a chuckle.

"Should help him with his sleeping," River stated sitting up completely awake.

Harry turned and saw River looking at him curiously. He was a bit nervous and stuttered slightly explaining, "Sorry. Didn't realize you were awake."

"Did it hurt him?" River asked Harry looking at the uncomfortable position Jayne was in.

Harry shook his head. "Nope. It's just like flipping a light switch turning him off."

"Darn." River admitted calmly.

Harry looked at her curiously.

River shrugged. "I'm going back to sleep. Good night." She stated plainly and just fell straight over, asleep before she hit the pillow.

Harry considered waking Jayne but quickly dismissed that idea. Instead he simply dragged Jayne across the floor, and sat him into the co-pilot's chair. "That should be a little more comfortable than waking up, cramped on the floor."

* * *

Serenity landed safely at the Eavesdown docks. Inara left in a distinctly sour mood, thanks in no large part to the Captain. Jayne had money and a libido. And that pretty much cemented his immediate future plans. Mal and Zoe were going to go digging around a few places and see what sort of work there was to be done. 

Apparently there'd been a few robberies in the area, and Mal didn't want to leave the ship unmanned. So Kaylee, Simon, River, and Harry were all sitting on the lip of the half-open cargo bay doors, dangling their feet over the edge, watching all the people walk by.

"Everyone's got so much purpose," Kaylee observed and grinned. "So much to do. It's like watching an ant colony carrying the stuff around, building a home for their queen."

Simon frowned a little. "When I look at throngs of people like this, they just look rude to me."

"They all think what they're doing is the most important thing," River replied somewhere in the realm of cynically ethereal. "But none of it really matters."

Harry looked at the bustling masses in front of him. "I just like to picture them all naked."

Kaylee, Simon, and River all leaned forward and looked to their left at Harry a bit oddly.

"I mean take that large man over there," Harry pointed. "He's got an obviously heavy box on his shoulder. And he's forced to lean forward. Do you think that girl behind him would be giggling so much if he was hunched over like that _naked_?"

Simon had to close his eyes, while even River was looking at Harry curiously.

"Probably not," Harry continued oblivious to his fellow crew members' discomfort. "Because you know that's the sort of person with a _really_ hairy back. And bending forward only adds to the view of his vertical horizon. But the girl's so happy and laughing, that I can't help but wonder, what kind of twisted, deviant pervert is she, you know?"

Kaylee swallowed the lump in her throat and said. "I suppose the ants I pictured were naked."

Simon turned towards Harry, "Do you picture us naked too?"

Harry turned back towards Simon. "Are you sure you want to know the answer to that?"

Simon looked away and back at the crowds in front of them. "No. You're right. I don't."

"Just checking," Harry replied cheekily. "And to answer your question, no, I don't. I've just never liked large crowds or groups of people. I had to give a speech this one time and a friend told me it helps to picture them naked. And she was right. I was surprisingly more relaxed imagining a whole sea of bare breasts that I was talking to, rather than just people staring at me, hanging on my every word. Now it's just a habit that when there's enough people around, I undress them all with my eyes."

"And you're first drawn to the large, sweaty men with hairy backs?" Simon clarified.

Harry nodded while scanning through the crowd, half-heartedly hoping for any sign of a wizard or witch. "It's kind of hard to miss them, when they're naked."

"That is true," Kaylee admitted. "Though it feels kinda like you're… violating them."

"Nah," Harry shook his head. "What's in your own head is your business. Were I to draw you a picture of it, describe it in detail, or say, write a limerick about it. _That _could be crude or unfair to their privacy. But my eyes, my head, my business." Harry turned to Kaylee and asked, "You really think Jayne hasn't pictured you naked?"

Kaylee sighed. "I'm not sure I want to think about that."

"Harry," Simon pleaded. "I'm going to kindly ask that you not ever mention anyone ever picturing my girlfriend naked. Or my sister. Your head, your business. Your mouth near my ear is not necessarily just your business."

River frowned and asked her brother, "Were you trying to make me picture Harry's mouth doing it's business in your ear? Because if you were, it worked magnificently."

Simon winced and just said, "Maybe we should enjoy the day in silence."

Harry turned to River and asked, "Are you scared of me?"

River shook her head with neither a smile nor a frown.

"See, Doc?" Harry explained. "We'll be fine here. Why don't you take your sweetheart there, who I'm not in the slightest picturing naked at the moment, and buy her a new dress? Me and River can watch all the rude ants and their meaningless naked lives. You two go do a little shopping."

Kaylee jumped right down from her ledge onto the ground. "I'm sold. Simon?"

Simon turned to his sister. "You sure you're going to be okay?"

River rolled her eyes and slapped her brother on the shoulder. "I'm fine. Go."

It was a touch harder than Simon was expecting and he fell forward off the ledge crashing to the dusty ground face first.

River yelped and covered her mouth. "Oh Simon! I'm sorry! I didn't mean… I mean… it's just…"

Simon stood up dusting himself off. "It's okay, River." Simon smiled up at his sister. "Just save those painful, embarrassing shoves for Harry, if you don't mind please?"

River flashed him a big thumbs up. "You got it!"

"Have a good time you crazy kids, you!" Harry called out waving to an even bubblier than usual Kaylee.

"You better bring her back by dark, or it's on your head, Mister!" River said shaking her finger at her brother.

Simon pulled his girlfriend close and waved goodbye to the odd pair sitting on the ledge of the ship. He asked Kaylee, "We were worried about River's instability and _that's_ who we added to help out? Why does no one else see this?"

Harry heard the Doctor's comment and was just chuckling. "Those two look pretty cute together."

River nodded. "Before Kaylee, I was worried the stick was becoming permanent."

"Excuse me?" Harry asked curiously.

"The stick up my brother's ass," River explained. "It was made of my guilt."

Harry nodded. "Ahh. That's right. He gave up his career to break you out. You know you shouldn't feel guilty over things beyond your control. I'm not saying you won't, just that you shouldn't."

"Mmm," River pondered saying nothing.

Harry continued. "Let's posit the other side of that coin. He never breaks you out. And you're still there. How guilty do you think that would make him feel?"

"He wouldn't be Simon if he hadn't broken me out."

"True. But hypothetically, he doesn't. Would you want him to feel guilty for not giving up his career and everything he worked for in exchange for life as a fugitive with no money nor future?"

"Yes."

Harry chuckled. "Okay, what about this. Do you think he wants you to feel guilty about it?"

"Probably."

"Really?"

River shrugged.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You don't have to disagree with me on principle."

"And you don't have to try and teach me how to feel."

Harry sighed. "Fair enough. I've just shouldered more than my fair share of guilt. And an awful lot of it, I eventually learned wasn't mine to carry."

River turned towards Harry and patronizingly asked, "Do I look torn up about it?"

Harry smiled weakly. "Don't forget I'm not just looking at you with my eyes."

River sighed and looked down. "That's cheating."

Harry agreed. "Yup, it is. But so is what you do, you just can't control it."

River said nothing and just sat there quietly. She slowly looked up at Harry and then back at the crowds. "So what are you looking for?"

"I thought you already knew that," Harry answered turning towards River.

"No no, not your quest for knowledge," River continued. "I mean the way you're looking through these people. Did you lose someone?"

"In a way, you could say that."

"So let me help you. What are we looking for?"

Harry sighed sadly. He gave it a moment's thought and suggested, "People like me."

River looked across the crowds. "Isn't that sort of like looking for a needle in giant anti-needle room?"

Harry chuckled at River's occasional gift for language.

River pointed emphatically. "Ooh, fat, sweaty guy with a hairy back! Is that what you meant?"

Harry shook his head. "Naw… just let me know if you ever see anyone who jumps out at you as weird, odd, or a bit different. A man in a purple dress with yellow stars and blue moons on it would count as pretty odd."

River looked at Harry. "I think Jayne might have been going to find a man in a dress."

Harry laughed out loud. "For Jayne's sake, I'm going to hope not."

River nodded resolutely. "For the man in a dress's sake, I will too."

The odd pair lapsed into moments of companionable silence, intermixed with games making up histories of the people all around them. They continued uninterrupted until they spotted the Captain and Zoe headed their way carrying some large packages.

Harry hopped down, "Let me help you with those, Captain."

"Thank you, Harry," Mal said handing off one of the two crates he was carrying. "Be careful with that one. Got us some eggs."

"So what's the good word?" Harry asked while River lowered the cargo bay doors all the way so they could walk up. "Got us some fun thieving to be done?"

Mal winced a bit and looked around. "I wish you would speak a little quieter there, Harry."

Harry looked at all the people paying no attention to them. "Don't worry. Anyone hears something they ain't supposed to, I'll cut them from shoulder to shin and feed their eyeballs to River."

River smiled deviously. "I like 'em crunchy."

Zoe was laughing while Mal didn't seem particularly amused. Mal shook his head as they brought their purchases back into Serenity. "Must you corrupt our poor sweet little girl, Harry?"

"I don't have to, I guess," Harry mock sighed. "But it's just so much fun sometimes."

"I can imagine," Mal said setting his crate down in the dining area. "And to answer your question, no, we haven't got anything lined up yet."

Zoe frowned and explained. "From the sound of it, just about everything around these parts has been going through Badger."

"I don't particularly care to deal with him, if we can help it," Mal stated bluntly.

"Badger?" Harry asked. "Don't think I've ever had the pleasure of meeting him, but I've heard of him. Not a terribly friendly, bloke?"

Zoe shook her head. "I doubt anyone's had pleasure meeting him, but there are worse men out there."

"There are a lot better ones too," Mal argued. "And we've just got ourselves a fine score. We ain't hard up for asking him for work." Mal sighed and admitted, "Not yet at least."

"River?" Harry asked curiously.

River shook her head. "He's not very nice, nor is he as bad as he thinks he is. Stroke his ego, and he'll play."

Harry nodded. "Well, if there ain't work to be done, I'd say we make some of our own then."

"You got something in mind?" Zoe asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope," Harry shook his head. "But I'm sure we can find someone with something they really don't deserve."

Mal hesitantly chose not to shoot that idea down immediately. "Well, you think something good up, you let us know. Meanwhile, we got a good week or so to kill around here and keep looking. Where's Kaylee and Doc?"

"Getting Kaylee a new dress, I should hope," Harry replied. "Maybe they're going to dinner someplace nice too, but I doubt they'll be gone too long."

"What about you two? Going stir crazy here?" Mal asked.

"River?" Harry asked with a big smile.

River rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let's go look at all your little knick-knack shops."

"Zoe, Captain?" Harry inquired. "I know you want someone to stay with the ship at all times, but would either of you like to join us?"

Zoe looked at the Captain who nodded immediately and waved her on, "Go on. I'll be fine. Keep these two young hooligans out of trouble."

"I will, Captain," Harry snapped off a salute. "You have my word."

Mal saw the look Zoe made and ordered with a smile, "And no shooting Harry! I called first dibs on that."

"Very well, sir," Zoe grudgingly replied as she headed back off the ship.

Harry hurried after her and River followed right behind Harry. Harry slung one arm around River's shoulders and the other around Zoe's. "So where to, my beautiful-"

"Harry," Zoe dangerously warned. "You're going to want to move your arm before I break it."

Harry pulled back quickly as if burned. "Sorry. Didn't mean nothing by it. River, do you mind-" Harry stopped with the cold look in River's eyes. "Sheesh. Did I miss out on our frigid bitch pills this morning?"

Zoe stopped and looked about a second from violating the Captain's orders.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Harry began waving his arms trying to calm the angry woman. "Look Zoe, I'm sorry if I'm aggravating your mood. I'll stop. But you should have fought the Captain a little more if you really didn't want to chaperone us. I've accepted that I can't even go to the bathroom until I've cleared it with my Parole Tam, but I'd like to think you don't have to be continuously watching my every move."

Zoe still looked like she was weighing whether to hurt Harry or not in her mind. Finally she relaxed and sighed. "I'm sorry, Harry. It's just… not a good day for me."

River seemed to sag as she caught something Harry didn't. Harry offered, "Listen, how about this? You don't know me, you don't trust me. You and River walk wherever you want or need. I'll just follow about ten feet behind. River will know if I'm not there, but this way you can pretend I'm not even here and say whatever horrible things you need to say to River. Or cry on her shoulder or whatever it is you two do."

Zoe stared at Harry wordlessly for a few moments before finally asking, "You don't care where we go? You're just going to follow us?"

Harry nodded eagerly. "It's all up to you two. I'm at your mercy here."

River smirked victoriously and elbowed Zoe. "See? I told you it would be that easy."

Zoe's entire demeanor changed and she smiled at River. "Forgive me for ever doubting you. Now on my way earlier, I saw a skirt that would look adorable on you." Zoe and River happily turned away from Harry and began to slowly walk towards a few women's boutique shops.

Harry's jaw just dropped as he realized he'd been had. He shook his head in frustration as he followed the two women, "Oh _gorramit_."_  
_


	9. CHAPTER EIGHT: Windmills of Her Mind

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER EIGHT – Windmills of Her Mind**

"Have a good time shopping, Harry?" Mal asked with a grin.

Harry was following Zoe and River, who were still chatting like school girls. "You looking to get added to my list, Captain?"

Mal shook his head unable to stop smiling. "Gosh golly no. I had nothing to do with your shopping trip. It just looks like only about two-thirds of you had a good time."

River smiled and curtsied. "No Captain, we both did."

Zoe looked over at Harry and almost pitied him. She had thought it curious when River asked for her help while Harry was asleep. She certainly had gotten closer to River in the last couple years as the only females around not madly in love or wallowing away in complications. And River had a habit of stating simple truths in such a way as to make them a great comfort. Particularly as it concerned Zoe's late husband. "I think Harry had more fun than he's willing to let on."

Harry turned to Zoe and frowned. "Oh you're on the list. In fact you've moved up to number two."

River rubbed Zoe's shoulder and patted her on the back. "I'll give you some tips later. You may even have a shot at dethroning me."

"I somehow doubt that," Harry grumbled.

"Come on Harry," Zoe smiled and tried to appeal to his forgiving side. "It wasn't all bad, was it?"

Harry shrugged. "Meh. I'll take my defeat with a smile if it means next time you're PMSing you aim that anger elsewhere." Harry saw that look on Zoe's face of when he'd gone too far and hurriedly called to River, "Let's go dump the rest of this junk, and I've got a part for Kaylee."

River waved goodbye to a secretly smiling Zoe, and followed Harry as he left towards their bunks. "You got a part for Kaylee? When?"

Harry glanced over his shoulder and grinned. "When you weren't looking and instead were trying on unflattering frocks."

"Those were summer dresses! They're _supposed_ to be loose."

"Well, I hope they were comfortable," Harry argued. "Because they're not pretty."

River just stared at Harry, daring him to say something else negative.

Harry's connection with River made it quite clear why she wasn't moving. "Alright, I thought the light blue skirt with the flowers on it looked the best."

"That's a gift for Kaylee," River retorted.

Harry smiled. "I know. And I'm complimenting your choice. Now please, I'm allergic to women shopping together, so if you don't mind."

River put Kaylee's gift into a bag and shifted tissue paper to cover it.

Harry wondered if it was a quirk of the twenty-sixth century that seemed to deign this as enough 'wrapping.'

Once River was all set she led Harry back towards the engine room, where Kaylee was just lounging around with a big smile.

"Welcome back," Kaylee chirped. "How was your shopping?"

"Awful," Harry immediately replied. "Completely dreadful. You know how Simon makes you feel on a really good day? Picture the opposite of that."

"It was just fine," River happily answered. "Aside from the whiny help."

"The help?" Kaylee asked Harry earnestly.

Harry grumbled, "They tricked me. Pretended to be overly emotional females. That's just not fair. It's like crossing the line before it even gets drawn."

"You believed _Zoe_?" Kaylee clarified. "Was overly emotional? Have you _met _the woman?"

River just smiled happily while Harry feebly argued, "She looked like she was going to cry or hurt me. I'm not sure which would have been worse."

Kaylee shook her head at Harry's naivety. "You poor boy."

"I can see your sympathy is overwhelming," Harry sighed. "I picked up a new…" Harry looked down at the box he was carrying, "Gravitational bootstrap fitting."

"Not expecting to find enough of them floating around in space?" Kaylee asked with an arched eyebrow.

Harry shook his head. "That little trick I did won't last forever. I can probably do it again, but I thought it'd be better to have a replacement. We can ride the old one until it craps out, hopefully not at a time we're on the run or landing, or you can swap in this new one whenever it's convenient for you."

"Thanks Harry," Kaylee grinned. "But the Captain already picked us up a couple. I just finished installing the new one. The old one still looks good as new though."

"Oh," Harry admitted. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

"Don't worry about it," Kaylee assured him. "It's not like it's bad having a few extra replacements of crucial parts around. The Captain's usually pretty good about taking care of his baby, when he can. But I suspect he'll certainly appreciate the gesture."

"I got you something!" River declared happily, presenting the bag to Kaylee.

"I got you something too!" Kaylee squealed back grabbing a bag from the corner. "Though it's from Simon and me both, I suppose. He did pay for it. Here you go."

The two girls traded bags and happily pulled out very similar new skirts. When they both exclaimed their love for their clothes simultaneously, Harry briefly considered stunning them both just for the silence.

"Put it on!" River requested wanting to see the flowers on Kaylee.

"Oh I can't," Kaylee explained. "Your brother and I have a romantic dinner planned and I'm only allowed to look darling so many times a day. Saving up on those to fit into my new dress. But you try yours on."

"Okay," River agreed and ordered Harry to turn around.

Harry turned his entire body to face away from where he knew River to be. He was looking down into the heart of Serenity, which to Harry appeared to be a jumbled mass of cords, lights, and bits that all looked the same.

"Whatcha looking at?" Kaylee asked with a smile standing next to Harry. "Not peeking a glance at the lovely Miss Tam, I hope?"

Harry didn't like that particular accusation and explained. "I was just looking at the engine here."

"You know anything about engines?" Kaylee asked while glancing over at River still changing. "Besides how to fix them, of course."

"Oh sure," Harry nodded with certainty. "I can tell this little beauty is a six-point-eight-oh super-charged, reinforced, lean, mean transporting machine. Looks like your two doodads are power coupled to the nine-inch thingamajigs."

"The doodads?" Kaylee clarified with a smile.

"Sure, sure," Harry continued with a completely straight face. "Personally, I prefer a minimum of seven doohickeys to every five whatchamacallits, but we all have our little differences. Your jigger seems to be rattling the jobbie loose which could be real detrimental to your whatsis. If your whatsis blows, then the widget ain't far behind it."

"That is amazing," Kaylee agreed.

Harry shrugged. "It's a gift."

"You know," River jumped in. "If you don't mind swapping out a couple of poppycock, you can completely get rid of your widget, and just let the whatsis blow. Tighten the hogwash, get a bigger mularky, and this little baby will run on pure tommyrot. You just got to clean out your balderdash every once in a while. The flimflams will fire on their own, and the claptrap you can close to less than a point-two-five. The only drawback if that you will have to replace your tomfoolery with an overclocked jabberwocky about twice as often as if you just kept the widget. But I think it's a more than fair trade-off."

Harry grinned at River's one-upmanship and replied, "Nice skirt."

"I knew that blue would go with your eyes," Kaylee replied triumphantly looking her friend up and down.

* * *

"Any thoughts on making some work of our own?" Mal asked Harry as he and River entered the dining area. 

Harry shrugged. "Why not just stick with the trusty Alliance?"

Zoe looked up from the vegetables she was chopping. "That's a little vague there Harry."

"And I'm certainly not opposed to taking back what our shiny little tax breaks should be giving us," Mal argued. "But we don't need to be pressing our luck just for the sake of stealing from the biggest _hwin dan_ on the block."

"Sounds to me like you're chicken." Harry stated with a sad shake of his head.

Mal defended, "I'm not…"

"Yellow? You got a yellow belly to match your brown coat?"

"Harry," Mal warned him.

"I'm just playing with you," Harry agreed with a smile.

"You like stir fry?" Zoe asked working on her chopping.

Harry looked at River and decided, "Usually, but not tonight. Not for me and my little lady."

"Excuse me?" River asked more than a touch peeved.

"Just grab some fruit." Harry instructed. "I don't want you full for training tonight."

"Why not?" River asked confused why that would matter for learning a mental technique.

Harry answered honestly, "If you throw up, you'll thank me for it."

River stopped moving and reluctantly asked, "Are we going to do that already?"

Harry nodded silently.

"You don't think it's too soon?"

Harry grinned deviously. "You're already comfortable enough around me to mock and take advantage of my presence. It's time to start digging and organizing. And besides, I know where you're brother's going to be, so we should be able to avoid too many interruptions."

River nodded and strode towards the bridge showing more confidence than she felt. Harry followed her silently, grabbing a couple of apples as he went.

River moved to the pilot's chair while Harry closed the door behind him, and locked the latch.

Harry looked at River and asked, "Are you ready for this?"

River slowly nodded. "You say it's the best option, and I trust you."

Harry sat down on the cot for a moment to think. River stayed quiet, not bothering him for several minutes. Harry looked up and said, "First off, I need you to know that anything I may do here is necessary to help you through this. I have no basis or reasoning to think this is going to work, other than the fact that I _do_ believe it is. And secondly, I think you should lay on the cot."

"Okay," River agreed readily and moved over to the makeshift bed. Harry grabbed the co-pilot's chair and dragged it over next to the cot. Harry sat down, while River arranged the pillows on the bed to her liking. "So how do we do this?"

Harry positioned himself so he could lean forward comfortably and stay a mere foot away from her face. "I'm going to force open a link between our minds. This time you won't be able to push me out. Your instincts may try to on their own, that's why I'm forcing it and controlling it myself. In the future, this won't be necessary, as you'll have conscious control of it, and the ability to break the connection, expelling me. Just not yet."

"Am I going to fall asleep?" River asked uncertainly.

Harry shook his head. "Not the sort of restful sleep you're thinking of, but you may lay there unmoving for hours without realizing it. S'why you're better off laying down and comfortable."

River laid back and rolled over onto her side, facing Harry. "What do I do now?"

"Close your eyes," Harry explained. "I'm going to lift your eyelids with my fingers once I think you're relaxed enough. I will be very close to you, so try not to be too startled. With the eye contact I will be seizing control of your consciousness."

River agreed and closed her eyes, laying there unmoving. She was pushing conscious thoughts away and paying no attention to what her senses were telling her. She knew she shouldn't fall asleep but she could feel the tiredness of the day catching up with her. Before she could even react her eyelids were lifted up and she was blinded as the light streamed into her dilated pupils. At the same moment she heard Harry mumble several words that didn't make any sense to her, but she heard him finish resolutely with something that sounded like "_Legilimens_!"

River felt the sensation of being pulled and dragged around at extremely high speeds. A roller coaster of sharp twists and turns even though a piece of her could tell she was still lying on the cot.

She suddenly realized she was awake and under the covers. She was flailing and clawing at the covers to get them off of her, and when she did she saw her older brother Simon running towards her excitedly. She was back in her childhood bedroom, and Simon looked maybe ten at the most.

"Merry Christmas, River!" He exclaimed as he ran up to her and jumped on her bed.

River looked down when she bounced up and saw she too was a young child. She smiled a toothy smile as her tongue felt gaps in her teeth. "Merry Christmas to you too, Simon."

"Come on!" Simon cheered as he bounced up off her bed. "Let's make Mom and Dad breakfast. Then we'll get to open our presents sooner. Race ya!" He blurted out before turning to run down the hall. Simon had only taken one step before he was frozen in place.

"I see his haircut hasn't changed any," Harry commented, having suddenly appeared off to River's right side.

River was looking at Simon locked at that point in time. "We nearly burned down kitchen."

"Sounds like fun." Harry commented.

River looked down and suddenly saw she was her proper age again and wearing the right clothes. "It was."

"You know where we are?"

River nodded. "In a memory."

"If that's how you want to look at it, yes." Harry explained.

"How else would you look at it?"

Harry shrugged. "We're still on the bridge, though I've broken eye contact. I've slumped back into my chair and you're still lying on the cot. But our consciousnesses are both here in your memories. And that one you just saw was randomly selected for being a happy, but not ecstatic memory."

River tilted her head to the side. "You can categorize my memories?"

Harry shook his head. "Not exactly. And you're the one who did the categorizing, I just asked for one meeting those criteria to try and not jar you too badly here."

"Where are we exactly?" River asked as she realized they were no longer in her old bedroom but on a vaguely familiar dusty path in a sparsely wooded area.

"This is a place of your own making," Harry explained. "Here is where you have access to most of your memories."

"Most?" River asked as she began to see paths fade in and out of view all around her, and feeling emotions tied to those paths.

Harry nodded. "Your mind is a mess, sweetie. We know this. We've got to deal with this. Don't be ashamed of who you are."

"What do you mean?" River asked in confusion.

Harry walked over and took River's hand into his. She was acutely aware that her conscious body could feel his hand in hers. "There's also places like this," Harry announced and River felt a sweeping cold ripple through her body. She could tell they were in a solitary cell with just a little light streaming in from underneath the thick steel door. The air stank like fermented sick.

"And this," Harry called out in the darkness. Again River's sense alerted her to drastic opposites. She was surrounded by hot lava on a tiny island with nothing in sight but the horizon in all directions. The heat was making her body itch all over. Faces of people she knew floated around in the lava, and River was surprised to feel very little fear, even though she knew she was supposed to be more scared of this place.

"And a few like this," Harry replied. River saw they were in a room surrounded by mirrors on all four sides. There was a chair she remembered being strapped into, and a thin layer of blood coating the floor. The fluorescent lights above flickered and hummed intermittently, as a simple reminder that the bulbs needed to be changed, and out of nowhere River's sense of hearing was blaring with the sound of drills grinding and saws shearing through bone. She got a vision of herself with her throat slit floating above the room. Her hair was whipping around wildly from a non-existent wind as her eyes were glowing with power. As quick as a flash the vision was replaced with a little blonde girl bleeding from a ring on her forehead. The girl was laughing and smiling as she wiped the blood away from her eyes so she could see. It flickered again into a monster with crimson eyes, slits where his nose should have been, and a bald white head. He licked his lips and hissed at her.

The next thing River was conscious of was that she was leaning with her back against a tree just off the dusty path she'd started on. Sitting in the grass in front of her was Harry.

Harry turned to her and asked, "Are you okay?"

"What happened?" River asked in confusion, seemingly perfectly fine. "What was that?"

Harry shrugged. "Those were some of the other places in your mind. When you started to freak out, I thought you were going to wake up, so I retreated from your mind." Harry sighed and looked at her. "You didn't. And you actually kept the link to me open. So I came back here and pulled you with me. Since then, I've just been waiting for you to wake up. Or at least your conscious mind to awaken from within your…umm, subconscious?"

"I remembered that third place," River admitted. "I'd been there before."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "The first two weren't anything you'd ever imagined?"

River shook her head. "I'm pretty sure… no. The second one didn't even really bother me."

Harry grinned and took River's hand. "Well if it doesn't bother you, let's start there and get some answers." Again, River looked around and found herself with Harry on a rocky, wobbly floating island, as the blood red liquid hot magma bubbled up all around her.

River shrugged. "Part of me can tell that I'm supposed to be more afraid of this, but I just don't feel it."

"Hmm," Harry pondered not liking the sound of that. "What I'm most curious about are things like that." Harry finished pointing to a pus-covered putrid black ball bobbing up and down in the magma.

"What is that?" River asked looking at the slimy odd thing in confusion.

"That," Harry admitted. "I'm pretty sure is a memory, that you've tried to get rid of."

"Well if I don't want it, can't we just get rid of it?" River asked. "Or do we have to see what it is?"

Harry winced admitting, "There might be a way I could get rid of it for you, but we need to know more about it first. And there's only one good way to find that out."

River nodded. "Alright. What do we do?" She saw Harry smile sadly at her, when the black oozing giant pustule came rocketing out of the lava and exploded on her face. The next thing she saw was that she was in a bar fight. Her punches were extremely forceful. A swinging uppercut landed on a man in his fifties and she could feel his jaw unhinge and shatter under the force. She swung a backhand connecting with younger man sneaking up behind her. She felt his nose break and pop against the back of her closed fist. A kick to another man's chest shattered his ribs and ruptured his lungs. She could feel her anger fueling her motions. When the bartender pulled out and cocked his shotgun, she slammed a mug right into his face, tearing almost half of it off. Smoothly she grabbed the shotgun from his hand and spun around shooting the closest person to her right in the head. She looked down and saw she'd just shot a little boy. She could feel the shock and surprise in her at having ended so young a life. She was not prepared to feel her body laugh and rejoice in the death. She looked up and saw two men wearing sunglasses, dressed in black walk into the room. They were easily recognizable by their latex blue gloves. One of the men seemed to smile at her in a fatherly way and shake his head. "You've been busy, haven't you?"

A snap of River's head and she was being shaken by Harry. They were still floating on the rocky, wobbly island in an ocean of boiling lava. "We need to get out of here, River. I'm going to break the link. Don't hold on."

River sat up with a loud gasp for breath and was panting heavily. Harry handed her a glass of water and stood up to stretch his own muscles. He cracked his neck and sat right back down, seeing the tense, frightened look on River's face. She seemed to be avoiding his eyes.

Harry smiled warmly at her wondering how she was going to react.

"Di- di- did you see that?"

Harry nodded.

With no warning, River just burst out into hysterical tears. She lunged at Harry and pulled him close.

Harry held onto River tightly and just let her cry. Frankly he expected this as soon as she woke up. He said nothing other than to soothingly hush some of her warbled ranting. River seemed to calm after a minute or two and whispered coherently, "You must think I'm a monster."

"No," Harry assured her. "I don't. I don't think you killed that boy, and even if I did, it wouldn't make you a monster."

River pulled back letting go of Harry. "That wasn't a memory?"

"No, that _was_ a memory." Harry explained.

River looked at Harry curiously.

Harry nodded to the unasked question. "I've seen faked memories, and I've seen real ones. And that had all of the details and scenic imperfections you won't find in faked ones. But what I don't think is that that was _your_ memory."

River frowned.

"Didn't it seem a little... off to you?"

"I realize you don't know me that well," River explained. "But I'm a tiny bit tougher than I may look."

Harry chuckled at River's gift for understatement. "Oh you can look pretty tough, I wouldn't worry about that. And I've heard about what you did in that bar. I just meant," Harry paused and thought about it. "You've always been very smooth and graceful in your movements. There's a fluidity to your movements as your mind is working so fast and far ahead that you economize your motions to be as simple and effective as possible."

River felt like she'd be complimented in a terribly clinical way.

"And _that_ fight in the bar we just saw," Harry explained. "The movements were much more clunky and telegraphed than you would have made."

"I wasn't exactly in my right mind," River suggested.

"Hang on," Harry said. "I want to see your fight in the bar." Harry leaned forward and looked straight in River's eyes. When his comment triggered the memory to replay, Harry jumped in and watched the scene in its entirety. "Thanks," Harry answered as he stepped back and looked away.

"What the hell did you just do?" River asked sitting up stiffly. "You can just grab and control my memories that easily?"

Harry hesitated for a moment and replied, "That was just like reading, if you knew what you were doing, how to control it, and put enough power into it." Harry nodded, "And usually I would ask your permission first and maybe you'd assist me with it, but I figured I'd save us the time because I knew you'd agree."

River huffed.

"And it is as I suspected." Harry explained victoriously. "Did you see the similarities?"

River replayed the two memories in her mind and nodded recognizing the motions rang familiar in their choreography. Her own memory ended when she pointed the gun, only to see the other memory pulling the trigger and killing the boy. She shivered at the coldness the thought gave her.

"It appears they've found a way to implant memories, and they're memories that aren't even yours, but with access to the knowledge of them, you respond with a new set of instincts." Harry said, thinking out loud. "Because your performance in the bar was a lot like that memory's if it had had your grace and your unique style."

"Found a way to implant memories?" River frowned. "Is this like one of your little tricks that you know how to do?"

Harry sighed loudly and shook his head. "No, if they knew my tricks they could've done this so much easier. No, this is… this is something else." Harry sat back thinking deeply.

"So you can't fix this," River frowned.

Harry looked up and shook his head. "I can't _fix_ anything. I'm here to help you understand what's happened to your mind, as well as adjusting to and utilizing your mind. It's not as if there's anything that can be undone. But I'm beginning to understand what they did do. It's really not that bad."

River was tempted to yell at Harry for having such a horrible definition for 'not that bad.' She settled for coldly glaring at him.

"Listen," Harry defended. "I really didn't have any idea on how they could fracture a mind and do what they did, beyond the _tricks_ I know. It could have been anything. And it seems like they've created their own way to give you skill sets and instincts."

"How can you call that _not that bad_?" River snapped at him.

"Well," Harry admitted. "It really could have been a lot worse. I mean they've put in a lot of effort to make you a highly trained warrior, completely under their control. It's like implanted personalities to call upon as needed. I'm guessing under extreme duress or any situation that would normally trigger adrenaline, you're capable of otherwise impossible feats even more so than most humans, because you'd have access to all those skill sets, knowledge, or perhaps even adrenaline rushes. Or it appears they have their own ways to trigger them in you. That's what set you off in the bar."

River was still snippy. "Am I supposed to grateful they cut up my brain to put those things in there?"

"No child," Harry patronized her. "We should be furious with anger at what they did. But we already were. What you can be, is grateful that not only is not as bad as I had feared, but as you learn how to control your own mind, you'll be gaining control over more skills and more confidence, you didn't realize you had."

River frowned at being called a child, but wouldn't prove him right by snapping back.

"They're already in your head, River," Harry continued. "Might as well make use of them."

"Oh yes," River argued. "Always look on the bright side of murdering children in cold blood and laughing at it in joy."

Harry shrugged. "It happened. And now you know it wasn't you but someone else who probably did that. You're going to have to face it and understand it because we definitely need to break you free of those triggers."

River frowned but remarked, "Simon put me to sleep."

"And that's another trigger," Harry admitted, "that we can break you free of, if you want. I'd recommend putting that one off though as it's non-destructive and could be useful until you get some better control of your emotions."

River sighed and only now saw the clock. "That took _four_ hours?"

Harry looked at the clock and visibly winced. "No, we started on Wednesday. That took twenty-eight hours."

River's eyes widened before she snapped her mouth shut with a click. "Liar," she accused.

"Okay, okay." Harry admitted ruefully. "It took four hours. Here have an apple."

River took the food gratefully, surprised that she hadn't realized how hungry she was.

"And if you're curious, your brother's waiting on the other side of the door scared of what I've done to you."

River nodded biting into her apple. "I know."

"You know, for this training I have to know pretty much everything in your head."

"I know."

"But no one else has to know."

"Well I'm certainly not going to tell them," River insisted staring at Harry.

"Mmm," Harry thought about it. "Don't rule it out just yet. But the fewer questions raised about me, the easier it is for us all to get along."

"Are you going to tell?"

Harry shook his head. "Not my secrets to tell. Now come on, tell your brother to chill out and I want to see if the Captain is awake."

River stood up and stretched her stiff muscles. She unlatched the door to the bridge and opened it spilling Simon into the room as he had been leaning against the door. "Chill out, Simon. Training is going well, I'm fine. Now tell me why you had a romantic dinner and followed it up by waiting outside the door here."

Simon got up and followed after her, not even paying any attention to Harry. "I was worried about you. You know that Harry's got some voodoo hold on you."

"It's the only way to help me," River argued without looking back. "And you have an entirely too understanding girlfriend. She gets a nice new dress, you take her to a romantic dinner, and then you ditch her to stalk your baby sister."

"Well, she did call me bull-headed teddy bear," Simon admitted. "For Kaylee, that's pretty harsh."

"Be a good boyfriend, Simon," River scolded. "You're already a good brother. Sometimes too much of one."

"You're sure you're okay?" Simon asked her now that she'd stopped and was looking back at him.

River nodded showing some honest emotion. "I may not be completely okay, but I'm starting to think someday I will be."

Simon hugged his sister and went to go find Kaylee.

"Captain," Harry asked of Mal when he entered the room. "I've thought about it, and I know who I want to steal from."

Mal arched an eyebrow and inquired. "And just who is that?"

Harry smirked with a touch of vindictive righteousness. His mind was already coming up with a few scenarios. He gladly answered, "Blue Sun."


	10. CHAPTER NINE: Blue Sun Rising

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER NINE – Blue Sun Rising**

"Blue Sun?" Mal asked curiously. "And how is that any more specific than saying you wanted to steal from the Alliance?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Every evil empire always has one big gigantic evil corporation to do their dirty work. I think it's pretty obvious that you don't get much bigger than Blue Sun."

"This isn't good and evil, Harry." Mal argued. "You can't just decide that anything that big must be evil, nor that we must be good. We _steal_. That is called a crime. Some might even say that makes us _criminals_. And criminals don't make for very good 'good guys.'"

Harry frowned but let the Captain say his piece. "Captain, may I speak freely?"

"Please."

"I'm well aware that the largest employer in the entire universe is Blue Sun. I'm also well aware a hell of a lot of the people who work in the factories and stores and all the outlets on every distant god forsaken moon lucky enough to be blessed with a super-store, all of those people are not bad. They're just making enough to get by if they're lucky. But you have to realize how many honey-pots they've dipped their fingers into. How much of the Alliance is controlled by Blue Sun's interest, how many times the government needs to privatize and uses Blue Sun, or the corporation needs sanctioning and uses the government. I'm not looking for destruction. I'm thinking a proper little robbery with no casualties, and preferably no knowledge that they were even robbed. Because if we piss them off, that goes straight to the top of the feds, not the little annoying managers and divisions we'd be rankling if we pilfered the Alliance. I merely want the satisfaction of knowing we got the better of them, and perhaps even leaving the door open to doing it again."

"That's exactly the reason I'm not a fan of that target. We get pinched, we'll wish we'd just been robbing the feds. Why Blue Sun?" Mal asked. "What's changed to make you want to choose them now?"

Harry glanced at River and asked the Captain, "Have you ever come across men who wear bright blue gloves?"

River gasped and the Captain turned to look at her. "River?"

River shook her head resisting the impulse to sing '_two by two, hands of blue_.'

Harry continued. "Odds are you'd be dead if you had. They're usually the clean-up crew for Blue Sun's research and development department. A department which is protected and granted immunity from the government for just about everything they do. Including, I would wager, testing on unwilling human subjects."

"Are you saying that's…?" Mal asked incredulously looking at River.

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. But River and I both saw men wearing those gloves in her head. And most people don't survive after seeing that."

"And just how would you know this?" Mal inquired accusingly.

Harry shrugged. "I've searched a lot of records I shouldn't. I have a rough idea how corrupt governments work. I saw a couple agents leave a building once. These were not compassionate men. The entire fourth floor was corpses that bled out their eyes and ears."

River seemed to have an idea of what Harry was talking about as she cringed a little.

Harry shrugged. "The sorts of things that have been done to River and perpetrated by the Alliance don't pass public committees. The committees merely fund private research. You know, come to think of it, I'd say it's pretty likely Blue Sun's R and D are the ones who developed the Pax and thought _that _was safe too."

Mal seemed to be considering it.

"Look," Harry explained. "I'm not sold on them completely as a target, but I'd definitely like to look into what they got, what's easy to steal, and what we can get away with. But mainly, I know," Harry smiled deviously. "I've never gone for them, and they sure as hell deserve it."

River seemed to be frowning. "Why _haven't_ you ever gone for them?"

Harry shrugged. "I know this may come as a shock to you all, but I'm not really a thief or criminal. I will steal or commit the occasional crime when it's for my purpose. But until I saw them in your head, I never had a reason to. As odd as it sounds to you, I don't go looking for trouble. I just follow the clues I have and they never led me to Blue Sun, which I just wrote off as a typical giant corporation with its head up its own arse."

"And the image in my head was a clue?" River asked skeptically.

Harry smiled. "Actually, it's more you, and the fact that it was in your head that was a clue. And I thought you might appreciate venting a bit by stealing from them."

"I'm a clue to you?" River asked Harry angrily.

"You're weird," Harry stated. "Or peculiar, or odd, or whatever kind, gentle euphemism you would prefer."

"Exhibiting bughouse friendly tendencies, please," River corrected.

"Bughouse friendly it is," Harry parroted with a small salute.

"Alright, Harry," Mal agreed. "You keep coming up with some sort of plan to rob Blue Sun, and I'll keep my ear open for any jobs we could pick up. I need more details from you before I can call your idea dangerous, stupid, and flat out refuse it."

"Well as long as you've got an open mind," Harry nodded. "That's all I can ask for, right?"

* * *

"I'm sorry, Harry," the communicator with the artificial intelligence of Mr. Universe argued back. "I've looked, but they're completely locked in from this side. It's not closed off, just one-way. There is no way to get me in without it being noticed. I could slip in something small and then open a door big enough for me, but crossing the barrier would set off every alarm they have. And even if I manage to get control fast enough and wipe the logs of me, the alarm will have sounded and they'll know their network was compromised." 

Harry shook his head. "You're honestly telling me, that you cannot breach their network? This is beyond the scope of your abilities?"

"Oh, I can breach it, don't get me wrong, just not without it being noticed. I'm good at what I do, but this is one you've got to do."

"What do I got to do?"

"Harry, once I'm in, I can open up and send out everything we need. You just have to get me inside first. I'm pretty sure you're going to want to fly solo on this one and erase your own tracks. Once we dump a clone on the inside, we're golden. I just can't get inside quietly."

"So you want me to break into Blue Sun's security substation and physically link you with one of their internal trusted systems? Just so we can figure out what to steal?"

"If you could reach a mainframe that would be even better."

"Oh this gets shinier all the time."

"Don't tell me the great Harry is fretting or reluctant? Can this be true?"

Harry shook his head and smiled. "Naw, I just figured I should complain a while. River's head seems to indicate these buggers are much worse than I thought. Which means they very well could be the ones who keep managing to dig up my name."

"There's the Harry I know and abhor," Mr. Universe chided back.

"Think you can hole yourself in there and help me open up my own franchise?"

"Let's wait and see what the inside looks like because they're already as tight as the Alliance from the outside looking in."

Harry nodded. "Is there a station here in Persephone?"

You could hear the grin in Mr. Universe's voice. "There just happens to be a tech substation with one of the satellite mainframes."

"Oh joy," Harry sarcastically replied. "Alright then. Plan it out. We'll go later tonight. Make sure you get me a picture and some aerial shots."

"You going to be able to get away? And leave River?"

"Yup. Going to use the cloak at the substation, so I might as well use it to make sure I'm not noticed leaving this boat."

"If you say so," Mr. Universe replied skeptically. "Don't mess up things here, Harry. I like these guys."

"I do too. And don't worry so much. I'll be careful."

* * *

River was dreading more of this, but knew she had to do it. She wondered if it would ever feel less sickening, and more routine like something normal people might have to deal with too. Reliving murders that she could only hope she didn't perpetrate herself. No matter how little difference that makes to the victims, for some reason, it was important to River. She wasn't sure when it happened, but at some point being open and vulnerable to Harry stopped being so horrifying and was almost comforting to her. 

River sure as hell was going to do everything in her power to keep Harry from finding that out.

She sighed loudly and lay back onto the bed. "I'm ready."

Harry nodded and turned to Simon, who had insisted on being present. "This is going to be boring but probably oddly stressful for you. Do us both a favor and don't interfere."

Simon narrowed his eyes and did his best to look menacing.

"Don't worry," River called out from her prone position. "He'll be good."

Simon kept up his stern face.

Harry smothered his amusement and proceeded to ignore Simon. "Relax yourself. Clear your mind. This will be just like last time." Harry glanced over at Simon, staring him down to make sure he wasn't going to be getting in the way. Harry watched River's chest rise up and down in a very steady, paced rhythmic pattern. He felt her mind relax as she began to inch towards sleep, and he began to quietly mumble the Master-Apprentice mental link. Halfway through the incantation Harry was shook violently by a wide-eyed Dr. Tam.

"What are you doing?" Harry angrily whispered.

"What the _tzao gao_ was that? You were mumbling gibberish!" Simon exclaimed as he eyed Harry and wondered if slapping him might help.

"It wasn't gibberish," River slowly replied in her still-relaxed position. "It was some crude dialect of Latin."

Harry hadn't realized how aware River was and answered with surprise. "Yeah… what she said."

"Were you channeling a spirit or something?" Simon asked looking at Harry warily.

Harry snorted. "No I wasn't channeling any spirits. I was just sort of chanting a little mantra. It's not quite as strong as the triggers you've used on your little sister," Harry shook his head in disappointment. "The big difference is that it's _my_ training and discipline that makes and controls them. It's how I connect."

Simon was reluctant, but saw his sister looked pretty relaxed. "I don't know about this…"

"Just," Harry shook his head. "Just don't interrupt me. Nor shake either of us out of our trance, unless it's more important than _helping your sister_, okay?"

"Simon!" River snapped. She was having enough trouble fighting her own desire to put this off for later or perhaps never. She didn't need Simon urging her right now. "If you want to stay, you're going to behave."

Simon nodded his assent, not trusting his sister alone with Harry at the moment.

Harry squeezed River's hand and she took the signal. She relaxed herself again and quickly arrived at the state of consciousness Harry was looking for. Harry tried to mumble quieter this time, but was forced to enunciate many occasional sounds and in particular the final word "_Legilimens_!"

Already knowing where to go, Harry found himself on the dusty path near the sparsely wooded area. Harry spotted the exact same tree that had been there before and was surprised to see River sitting on the first branch, a good nine feet off the ground. Harry looked up and saw she was smiling.

"You're figuring your way around here pretty quick," Harry stated.

River shrugged and fell backwards off the branch, hooking her legs on the branch as she spun around. She reached up with her hands and grabbed onto the branch swinging her legs underneath her and back over the branch. She did a couple of loops building up momentum before dismounting with a back flip and landing smoothly. She'd flung out her arms to keep her balance, and then lifted them up in a bow to the imaginary judges.

Harry gave her a small, quiet pattering of applause. "Bravo. Was that a conscious choice to look graceful or simply innate style?"

"What can I say?" River breathed on her nails and buffed them on her shirt. "I'm just innately graceful. I know it must be a blow to your own oafish ego."

Harry took her challenge and crouched down for a moment before shooting almost ten feet straight up into the air. He twisted and turned his body into two full back flips and a three-sixty landing smoothly without even using his arms to balance himself.

"Show off," River pouted.

Harry grinned. "We're in your mind, River. Belief makes all the difference. If I _believe_ I'm graceful and can jump a dozen feet into the air, then I can do it, look it, and act it, regardless of any actual physical limitations."

River slowly began to grow taller and taller until she was about twice the height of Harry.

Harry nodded. "This is an idea you really need to simply take and accept as fact: You are in control of your mind. Things can be done to it, and right now, I'm sort of acting as security guard, but you are the boss of your mind. None of the stuff in here, the memories, the triggers, or even me, gets the final say."

River tilted her head, assessing the value of Harry's words.

"You gotta be king of your castle before you can… be…"

"Please Harry," River interrupted. "Your metaphors are horrible. I get the point. Don't work too hard coming up with something that rhymes."

Harry grumbled to himself. "My metaphors aren't that bad."

River said nothing, but Harry swore her eyes were twinkling at him. River politely asked, "So what are we doing here? Another big black pustule from magma hell?"

Harry shrugged. "If you like. Or we can try somewhere else. Could be better, could be worse. Won't know until you try."

"Do you remember the third room you showed me?" River asked. "The one I recognized?"

Harry nodded.

"Did you see everything I did?"

Harry nodded.

"Did you feel anything?"

Harry looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"I felt emotions there," River explained. "Emotions that weren't mine. I don't know if they were yours or the memories', but… I felt them."

"You want to try there?" Harry clarified.

River nodded resolutely.

"You know, from the looks of things, I'm guessing that one's a lot more likely to be worse, than it is to be better."

"I want to find out why I remember that one."

"Alright," Harry stated. "You let me know if or when you want out." Harry grabbed River's hand and they appeared in the cross between an underground doctor's office and a dungeon. The chair in front of them had a series of leather straps hanging off to the side and metal braces that were used to lock people in and prevent them from moving.

"River?" Harry asked.

River was tilting her head staring at a simple table over to the side, completely oblivious to Harry.

"River!" Harry called louder. When she still hadn't responded, Harry moved in front of her and held her face in his hands. "River," Harry said quieter and calmer. "Stay with me here."

River seemed to snap out of her concentration and noticed Harry there. She asked curiously, "Do you feel it? Do you feel this place affecting you?"

Harry shook his head. "For me this is just another place."

"This is different," River said looking around the room. "It's like the room is alive. Are we in a memory?"

Harry shrugged. "Yes and no. You said you remembered this place and more than likely your mind created it that way. The rocks in the lava may have been a place someone else created. Memories are not only movie clips you watch play out. They can be emotions, words, smells, sounds, just about anything." Harry looked down and kicked some of the thin layer of blood off to the side. "I'm guessing something pretty traumatic happened in here, and that's why you remember a blood-covered floor."

"It wasn't always like this," River stated looking down. "I remember it looking clean too." River closed her eyes and tried to wish the blood away. Immediately, she heard loud screeching, drilling, and sawing. River looked down and saw the blood hadn't responded to her mental desires. She gasped and stepped back. "It wouldn't change."

Harry was watching her closely. "What wouldn't?"

"The blood, the floor," River mumbled franticly. "I wished the floor clean. I wished the blood away. And it wouldn't change. It was loud, screaming, and fighting me."

Harry nodded. "You don't know this place yet. What makes you so sure you can command it?"

"This is my mind!" River insisted wildly. "I make the rules! I decide what happens where!"

Harry looked at the floor. "This is your mind. And your mind made this room. Until you know why you made it, you can't destroy it."

"Yes I can!" The petulant young woman argued. "I won't let some bad memories control me!"

"How do you know they're bad?"

River stopped in confusion and stared at Harry, the unasked question clear in her eyes.

"How do you know the memories are bad?" Harry explained. "You don't even know what they are. It could be you performed miracles saving people here playing doctor. Maybe there's a cranberry juice leak and this isn't blood on the floor. You don't know your own mind, and until you do, you won't be able to overcome what your mind has already made or assimilated."

"Well then how do I get to know it?"

Harry looked around the room for any hints or clues. "I think you need to face up to the memories in here and realize why this room exists. And I don't think the memories here are going to be pretty."

"I thought you said this could be cranberry juice?"

"I said that it could be, but it's not. This _is_ blood." Harry said bending down, rubbing the viscous liquid between his fingers. "But I doubt this place has been randomly constructed. You made it this way possibly to remind yourself, to protect yourself, or some other reason. I don't know why. And while it's true, you're the boss of your own mind, you were also the boss when this place became whatever it is now."

"So are we looking for big black floating pustules?"

Harry shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. Remember that one was likely implanted, not made or created yourself. Is there anything in here calling out to you? Feeling like more than it appears?"

River pointed at the table she'd been staring at earlier. "I can feel that table."

Harry nodded and took River by the hand. "Let's see what it has to say." Harry placed both of his hands on the table and River copied his motions.

In another jarring change of scenery, River found herself trapped inside her own body. She was sitting in a chair with her legs tucked up against her chest. She was guessing she was about sixteen given her body's development, but River found she had no control over how she moved. She was just rocking back and forth on her tailbone and heels.

A man in a white lab coat walked into the room, and sat himself in the empty chair River was facing towards. He settled himself and crossed his legs off to the side. He held up his clipboard so that River couldn't read it.

She heard Harry's voice but couldn't see him. "I'm right here, River. You're not alone."

"Miss Tam," the man in the white coat with a nametag reading Dr. Wetzner. "How are you feeling?"

River's head began to twitch, as if her lower jaw was jerking up to the left. She could feel how drugged her body was and she slowly managed to reply, "Mercurial."

"That's to be expected," the doctor nodded paying little attention to her as he read her charts. "And it will be painful when the morphine wears off."

Inside River was seething with rage. She was unable to do anything but observe as she began fidgeting in place. She weakly asked, "Si- Simon?"

"River," the doctor condescendingly explained. "Your brother is an extremely busy man. If you were in any real danger we would have your parents and brother immediately notified. But this is simply a routine process. Now have you noticed any out of the ordinary responses to external stimuli? Things like hunger, thirst, anger, happiness, or sexual urges?"

River seemed to nod franticly, though she struggled with the words. "Sl- slow. Everything. Everything's slow."

"Excellent," Dr. Wetzner assured in a less than enthusiastic response. "Let's see how you respond to controlled stimuli." The doctor got up and walked straight into a dark shadowed area.

"I'm still here, River," Harry's voice called out, trying to soothe the girl. "We're going to have to see this at some point, so I'm going to let the memory play out." Harry hushed up once more as the doctor came out from the shadows wheeling in a television monitor with some recording equipment.

"Here we go, River," the doctor explained. "Let's just see if you can spot anything out of the ordinary in these videos." The doctor turned on the screen, and bent down to program the sequence according to his notations. He double-checked his numbers and hit play. Standing up out of the way, he began to observe River. She was staring, entranced at the screen. The screen was just snow and static mixed in with brief repeated patterns flashing brightly. It lit up River's face in an odd foreboding light.

The doctor quickly realized something was wrong. "That's not the right video!" He bent down towards the device double checking that he'd programmed in the right stop points and chapters, completely oblivious to River's continued fascination with the unnatural video. He was trying a few other codes when River's shadow blocked his light and Dr. Wetzner realized she was standing right behind him.

"You shouldn't watch," River's voice sounded hollow and distant. Inside her body, even the conscious River trapped in her younger body was in an uncontrolled trance. She was no longer twitchy or fidgeting as she maintained her stare at the video screen, paying little attention to the man on the ground by the cart.

Dr. Wetzner spun around in fright. "Miss Tam! You need to sit back down, right this instant!"

"You watched us without permission." She continued. "You watched them. You watched me." She finally moved her eyes away from the screen and looked down at him. She whispered out the last two words, "No more."

Dr. Wetzner threw his arms up to protect himself, only for the small girl to pull on his left arm twist it over her shoulder and snap it cleanly at the elbow. She then struck with her left hand in a small fist. Her index and pinkie fingers extended as she viciously stabbed both of his eyes, piercing the balls and sending fluid spurting out all over herself.

The doctor was flailing and shrieking about as guards and men wearing blue gloves streamed into the room.

River looked down at the doctor and added, "You're too loud." A hard stomp of her bare foot right on his throat made a loud echoing crack. The abrupt end to his screaming left an eerie limited silence in the room as several large men tackled her to the ground. One of the men with blue gloves injected a glowing substance into her arm and calmly remarked, "I think we can safely call this a success."

"Indeed," another man in blue gloves agreed before everything went black and River slumped into unconsciousness.

"You okay?" Harry asked from River's right.

The girl looked up and at Harry before spinning around and realizing she was back in the room with the blood covered floor. She looked all around the room in confusion.

Harry whistled loudly and snapped his fingers. "River!"

"What?" she exclaimed turning back to Harry.

"Are… you… okay?" Harry repeated slowly enunciating each word.

"I…" she stumbled. "I don't know. I think so."

Harry watched her warily, and contemplated breaking the link and waking them now. "You seemed to take watching that better than I expected. Do you want to try another?"

"What do you mean watching that? What was so worrisome about that?"

Harry stopped and began thinking furiously. "Hang on. Were you not conscious inside your own body there? I could've sworn I sensed your observations, but they went a bit… stale when you got violent."

River looked at Harry as the enormity of what happened began to come back to her. She remembered her cold detachment killing the man and felt confusion more than anything. "Oh… oh wow."

"Did watching that video trigger you?" Harry asked hopefully.

River just nodded as she processed what had happened.

Harry nodded. "This makes things easier."

River frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It's just like it was for me to…" Harry's excitement at a breakthrough in research brought him back to his old days and her nearly blurted out 'speak parseltongue.' Harry quickly collected himself and explained, "What I meant was that simply replaying the memory triggers the effects here in your mind. We can unlock everything and trigger everything in here without any actual physical consequences out in the real world."

River nodded. "Making it possible for me to contain any potential danger I would be to others."

"Exactly," Harry explained. "And it's a step towards being capable of triggering the effects yourself, when you want to in the outside world."

River almost smiled happily as she looked around the room again. Her vision blurred and flashed as she looked up into the lights. She saw a number of children running happily, stomping on flowers and bunnies, killing them. She heard the sounds of sawing and drilling, and she felt herself wince as she realized the drilling was in her head as she was strapped face down. She could feel the warm blood pooling on the back of her neck and spilling down to the ground she was staring at. She saw Kaylee naked, in the heat of passion. She saw a blonde girl her age, smiling sadly as she stared right through River.

River lurched forward with a loud gasp, sitting up in the bed.

"Relax, River!" Harry called out, squeezing her hand. "Relax! You're here, you're safe."

"I'm right here, River," Simon assured her, holding her other hand. "You're okay. You're going to be fine."

River panted for just a few seconds and caught her breath. She looked over at her brother and frowned. "I know that."

Simon looked at Harry helpfully, before remembering he was Harry. "Well… good. Because you are."

Harry snickered and told River. "You seemed to slip into a daze in that place, and I thought we'd done enough for the night. That's why I snapped the link. You made good progress."

"Really?" Simon asked with a touch of disbelief.

Harry nodded at him. "Yup. Good news. But let's get some food and water. And then she's probably going to want to go to bed."

River nodded as she stood up a bit unsteady on her feet. She looked at the clock, "That was four hours _again_?"

Harry sighed and headed towards the kitchen. "Yup."

River and Simon followed right behind him. Simon asked her, "Good news? So what happened?"

River cheerfully explained, "I stabbed a doctor's eyes out, and broke his neck with my bare foot."

Simon looked at his sister uncertainly. "Well… that's great, I suppose?"

"No Simon," River chided. "That's horrible. I mean, maybe not so bad that I killed one of the people messing with me, but the murdering and watching gruesome things like that. That's not especially comforting. No, the good news was the discovery that we can figure all these things out inside my mind. And I'm less likely to accidentally stab your eyeballs out too."

Simon couldn't help but admit, "That… that is good news."

"I thought so," Harry agreed munching on a protein bar.

Harry finished off his second protein bar and followed River to her bunk to get ready for bed. They dropped off Simon and wished him a good night, and settled themselves back at the bridge. While River drifted off to sleep, Harry and Mr. Universe were silently playing chess. Oddly enough, they were both equally rubbish at the game and neither one ever consistently won.

Harry managed to force a stalemate again and looked up deciding River was thoroughly asleep. He looked out the door and crept over towards her quietly. He watched her body rise up and down as she inhaled and exhaled. He put his hand up to her back and whispered a stunning spell. Knowing time was a factor, he cast two more stunners, a silencing charm, and an old ward he remembered from when he'd modified it for his own purpose: a muggle-repelling charm. Harry was always fond of using his wizard-repelling charm whenever he could. And he always loved it that his wife would often wear a counter that would attract wizards. Together when they'd go out sometimes, a wave of dizziness, confusion, and vomiting would often surround them.

Now that Harry was convinced River wouldn't wake up, and no one would make it back here to check on her, he reached into one of his coat pockets and pulled out his knapsack. He went inside one of the secured pockets and withdrew one of his prized possessions. Harry knew the invisibility cloak wasn't the one his father had left him, but he'd accumulated several more in the years after Hogwarts. Knowing how rare they were, this very well _could_ have actually been one of his. Harry packed up the rest of the stuff and slung the cloak over his head, making himself disappear from view. He silenced his shoes and crept out the hallway. There were no signs of anyone up. He hurried his way to the back and snuck out the smaller cargo bay door. He rushed across the empty street in the dark and entered a small alcove between buildings. He tapped on his communicator.

"Okay, I'm away from the damn ship now," Harry complained into the open air. "Give me the aerial shots and some coordinates."

"Do you even realize how long a grav boot is supposed to last?" Mr. Universe's voice replied, pulling up the pictures and placing them on the screen. "They don't just go bad like that. And you know stuff breaks around you an awful lot."

"My apparating onto the ship didn't break that."

"If you weren't so damn lazy in the first place then maybe I could agree with you," Mr. Universe replied. "And that's why, for now, you need to keep as much wonky away from the ship as you can."

"I never should have mentioned that word in front of you." Harry said shaking his head. "And I've apparated onto plenty of ships before."

"Never a firefly though," Mr. Universe replied. "For all you know, none of those ships before even had grav boots."

"Yes they did."

"Okay fine, they did," Mr. Universe agreed. "But you were just guessing there. Maybe it's like you said, you've 385 years of bad luck still to work through."

"384 now," Harry whined.

"Whatever. All I'm saying is don't invite trouble you don't have to."

Harry closed his eyes visualizing and remembering the map and coordinates. With barely a sound, he disapparated. He popped back in, covered in his invisibility cloak, across the street from the tech substation. Harry walked up to the door, saw the security guard sitting at his desk watching television, and silently entered the building. Harry slowly let the door close, unable to stop the slight _woosh_ sound when it sealed shut.

The guard snapped his head up and saw nothing in the slightest out of the ordinary. He gave it a second's thought and went back to his television.

Harry snuck around behind the guard and saw they had sensors for everything to get in the secured primary entrance. Taking Mr. Universe's advice, Harry stunned the guard, muted all the alarms here, and cast an illusion of the monitors on to themselves.

He hurried his way through the entrance and towards a back security elevator. Using a code Mr. Universe claimed to have bought off the public network, Harry was able to descend to the bottom floor for authorized personnel only. "Hey, I was thinking," Harry remarked into the seemingly empty elevator. "Couldn't you just grab some chessmaster program or something and be much better at chess?"

Mr. Universe seemed amused at the sorts of things on Harry's mind when he was doing all the crimes and the felonies. "Yes, I easily could. But then I would beat you with no effort every time."

"Oh, right," Harry realized as they arrived at the bottom floor. "Don't do that."

Harry continued down invisible and silenced as Mr. Universe gave him directions of left and right. Harry passed a few people and just stayed out of their way, trying not to draw any attention. Finally they reached a thick metal door with an airlock and warnings all across it. Harry knocked on the door, wondering what had Mr. Universe so excited.

The door slid open and revealed a half dozen heavily armed and very dangerous people standing at attention, staring at the door warily.

"So that's why," Harry mumbled as the lead big scary man stuck his head out the door and looked down the hall both ways. Harry maneuvered his way around the man and sent out a stunning curse at the first guy's unprotected back. Armed guard number one fell forward out of the room unconscious.

Immediately, Harry fell to the ground, as the other men sprung into motion. He cast a spell on himself protecting his body from physical attacks. Underneath his cover of invisibility, Harry systematically began stunning every man in the room, starting with the armed ones. Unable to see him, or have any idea what they were dealing with, they all quickly fell to Harry's magical onslaught. Smiling and panting at the rush of adrenaline, Harry took a moment to enjoy his lopsided victory.

"Well, that was a bit disappointing," Mr. Universe called out realizing Harry had decisively and easily won.

Any further comment was cut off by the sound of a woman shrieking, "Call an ambulance! He's not breathing!"

Harry cursed having forgotten the man lying unconscious halfway out into the hall. He lifted up the communication device and ordered, "You better get in there and delete this video fast!"

Mr. Universe hurriedly instructed Harry into going down to the first terminal with direct access to the satellite-linked mainframe hub in front of them. Harry had to strip the casing open, connecting and syncing in the communication device, and then yanking the plug on the whole thing, forcing a reset. Harry did as instructed and while it was booting back up, Harry snuck around the people. He hoped no one had left after seeing what happened here. He moved the man in and quietly shut and locked the door. He quickly made his way around the room stunning the five people who had come running at the call for help. He lined up everyone in the room and petrified them. As he walked down the line, he ennervated them all. Still invisible and drowsy, he forcefully incanted, "_Obliviate_!"

Immediately everyone's eyes relaxed and glazed over. Harry pointed to the middle-aged man losing his hair wearing the nametag Robert Jaa. Harry took advantage of the suggestibility of the spell and explained. "You were all having a laugh as you dared Bobby here to call in a fake hospital alert. Otherwise, it's business as usual."

"I'm in, you're good." Harry's communicator and the overhead speakers echoed back in unison. Harry grinned and hurried over towards the first terminal. He replaced the lid and put everything back to normal. He gathered up his communicator and stayed invisible as he walked calmly back up to the front. He sucked in his stomach hunched against the wall as a pair of emergency medical technicians ran right past him.

"I hope you've already erased the video," Harry mumbled quietly.

"I have," the communicator replied. "By my count, you need only erase one more memory."

Harry nodded, though there wasn't much point to that as he was invisible.

He got back to the front desk and looked behind it. He canceled his illusion and saw numerous lights blinking and flaring indicating tripped alarms. Harry petrified the guard and ennervated him. "_Obliviate_," Harry began before explaining, "You had a bad dream and accidentally set off every alarm. There are medics on the bottom floor, but everything else you triggered while playing in your sleep."

The glaze over his eyes waning away, the guard's eyes popped wide suddenly and he snapped into action. He made sure all the alarms were turned back off and no one else would know about his dangerous nap on the job. Satisfied, Harry removed the muting charm from the area too, and then the invisible man disappeared leaving only the barely audible pop of displaced air as evidence of his existence.

Harry reappeared in the same alcove. He held his invisibility cloak tighter and scurried up to Serenity. A whispered '_alohomora_' and he quietly made his way back through the ship. He encountered no one on his path back to the bridge. As he took down his muggle-repelling charm, Harry realized there wasn't a single ward, charm, detector, or anything magical at all protecting any part of that tech substation. He was a little disappointed as this strongly supported the idea that Blue Sun wasn't aware of magic either. Part of Harry was still holding out hope for a more definite sign of the wizarding world, but the big bad empire's big bad wolf not being protected from it, or with it, points pretty strongly towards the idea that they're really all gone.

Harry cast a small _scourgify_ on the cloak just for good measure, put it back in its special place in his knapsack, and shoved that back into his coat pocket. He sat in the chair calming down some, as he probed River's consciousness. There wasn't any, thankfully as she was still stunned. Harry was slowly and subtly feeding her slight _ennervates_, being careful not to give her enough to wake her up, merely counter the effects of the stunners. Sadly, his control was slipping a bit and he filled her head and body with energy enough to make her shoot up in surprise.

River's eyes were wide but unseeing as she looked around the still dark room. She wiped the crust from the corners of her eyes and saw Harry looking at her curiously.

"Sleep well?" Harry asked with a hopeful smile.

River frowned as she nodded her head. "Like a log."

Harry held in his happy dance and looked genuinely pleased for her. "If you're ready to get up, I'm ready to crash. I'm pretty tired."

"Didn't you eat two protein bars?"

Harry held up his communicator. "It's all that chess I've been playing. It's a good workout for my massive brain muscles."

Mr. Universe's chuckles could be heard even through Harry's hand, as he tried to muffle the artificial intelligence.

River just looked at Harry oddly and said, "Fine. It's all yours."

Harry happily jumped into the still warm cot.

"Hey, you know," River suggested. "We should play chess some time."

"Sure," Harry nodded as he rolled over. "But I should warn you, I'm pretty good."

Trying to muffle Mr. Universe this time would have been an exercise in futility.


	11. CHAPTER TEN: Job Processing

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER TEN – Job Processing**

"Now, they're completely insured, so the only ones losing would be some rich insurance company. So we go in, we grab the stuff, and we get out. They're not even guarding them that well. No one will expect a thing."

"Because no one wants them!" Mal insisted.

"They're collector's items!"

"That means they're rare and that much harder to move," Mal argued. "Why are we even talking about this? Do you even _know_ what it's made of?"

"It's supposed to be better than bone china! Wait… is bone china made of bone?"

"Bone ash is used in making the porcelain," River helpfully explained.

"Whatever," Jayne moaned looking around for support. "Help me out here, Harry. You'd buy guano china if you were looking for some nice dinnerware, right?"

Harry snickered. "To be honest, I've never tried eating off guano."

"It's not guano," Jayne argued. "It's just good high quality dishes. They probably use guano ash because it's even stronger than bone ash."

"You really don't know what guano is, do you?" Mal asked Jayne.

Jayne rolled his eyes. "I know it makes for some gorram fine china."

Mal sighed and didn't feel like shattering Jayne's illusions at the moment. "What about you Harry? Have you come up with a better plan than simply 'let's rob Blue Sun?' Perhaps some specifics?"

"Actually," Harry smiled happily. "We have."

"We?" Mal asked.

"He means I came up with the plan," Harry's communicator, better known as the artificial intelligence of Mr. Universe interrupted. "But he needs his glory so he pretends he helped come up with this one."

"Oh hush," Harry chided. "You know more details, I made decisions. Now do you want to tell them my plan? Or shall I?"

"Please, by all means," Mr. Universe argued back. "Let's hear all the details of my plan."

"We're not going to break into Blue Sun," Harry explained. "We're going to go to one of processing plants, specifically one for long term food product packaging. And we're going to work the graveyard shift."

Mal looked over at Zoe, River, and Jayne. He asked, "Umm… when I said we were looking for a job, Harry, I didn't mean… a job."

"Come on, Mal!" Mr. Universe argued. "You think _my_ plan would be for you guys to go legit? Have a little faith in me please."

Harry continued. "You all have seen the compressed protein packs, right? Smaller than a shoebox but can feed a family for a month?"

Mal nodded, "And if memory serves every one of those things is stamped and imprinted by the Alliance. Makes them dangerous to mess with."

Harry nodded. "Exactly. And that's why we're going to take over the plant and skip right over that stamping and imprinting step."

Mal's head jerked up having not really considered that prospect. He saw Zoe looked intrigued by the idea.

"Depending on how fast we can work," Harry explained. "Crank out a dozen or so palettes. Could hide it in any number of places on this ship. And we've got ourselves a priceless commodity for the rim. Something I'd recommend only selling in small bunches, and keeping most of it hidden for ourselves. The cargo would stay good for better than five years, but if you wanted to move all of it we're still talking many, many millions worth of platinum."

"No," Mal answered immediately.

"Captain?" Zoe asked looking at him inquisitively.

"No," Mal shook his head. "That's too big. Too risky. And we don't want to have boxes and boxes of illegal cargo on this ship."

Harry grinned. "I think you're missing the point Captain. It's not _illegal_ cargo. If it were, it would be stamped and imprinted and traceable."

Mal insisted. "They are not going to just let a disappearance like that go by without an investigation."

"There won't be anything to investigate though," Harry explained. "Because when the morning shift comes on, the foreman will inform them that the newbies in the night crew were no good, and quit during the night. They didn't get any work done."

"I think they'll notice there a few million short when they inventory their supplies," Mal argued.

"No, they won't," Mr. Universe jumped in. "That's the beauty of it. I've already begun slightly twisting their numbers to account for an upcoming disappearance. And the added costs will be reassigned to the R and D department, which has an unlimited budget. Who knows? Maybe they'll even be forced to investigate the R and D. Give them a slap on the wrist. But the last thing they'll think of when the numbers all add up, and R and D's running at about ten times their normal funding, is that someone stole food stuffs from a stamping and imprinting plant."

"I like it," River smiled.

Harry grinned deviously. "We're talking millions, a product everyone can use, they'll never even know they were robbed, and if anyone gets the blame it's the R and D at Blue Sun."

Mal frowned but saw the others looked pretty convinced.

"Good plan," Jayne frustratingly admitted, still smarting over the lack of support for stealing guano china.

"It sounds way too easy," Mal shook his head. "What's the catch?"

"The catch?" Harry asked. "Well the overnight crew is a skeleton crew… of nine people."

"Nine?" Mal asked.

Harry nodded. "Which means everyone _including_ Inara, unless you want to get outside help."

"I may not have as much fancy schooling as you, but I still only count eight. And I'm not a big fan of taking everyone with me."

Harry chuckled and shrugged. "The ninth is the chief foreman, who will be there, and unconscious and telling our story in the morning. I know Kaylee, Inara, Simon, and even River aren't exactly the dirtying-their-hands types, but this isn't wet work. No need for weapons. Actually, we probably won't be able to get any guns inside even if we did want to. There's unmanned security to the facility."

"If it's a sticking point for you, I can try and disable the security," Mr. Universe offered. "But honestly, that's a risk that would probably be greater than simply not bringing guns. Harry will still be armed, and even if he weren't he's dangerous enough as it is."

"Thanks, Frank," Harry snapped at his communicator. "And besides Mal, this is simply a great resource to have. You never know when you might need to fund and feed a revolution."

"The idea is to _not_ attract notice," Mal argued staring at Harry. "We don't want to cause problems. We just want to keep flying."

Harry nodded but saw a glimmer in Mal's eyes. "Well, a score like this is the sort of thing you can retire from. And in case you hadn't caught on, without a trail, there's nothing to stop us from doing this again."

Mal sighed and saw everyone looking at him. "Alright. If you can sell the plan to Inara, Kaylee, and Simon, we're good. But I don't want to be bringing in any other question marks. You're carrying enough of those yourself."

"Understood," Harry agreed. "If any of them says no, I'll work on another plan."

"You didn't even work on this one," Mr. Universe snapped back.

"Or we can go with my plan," Jayne suggested.

River smirked, "Your plan is _gos se_, Jayne."

"No it's not!" Jayne insisted.

Mal smiled. "Actually, it is."

"Aww come on, Mal. It's not as good as Harry's but it's an option."

Zoe shook her head leaving the room. "You're right Jayne, it is an option. And yet, it's still _gos se_."

"You don't think my plan is _gos se_, do you Harry?" Jayne asked hopefully of the only one left.

"I don't think there's a good way for me to answer that," Harry replied. "But I'm right there with you, if you want to do it."

* * *

Harry was sitting in the pilot's chair in the cockpit, thinking to himself. Inara wouldn't be back for another couple days, and Mr. Universe still had to continue faking the interview and hiring process for all the fictional people Blue Sun was hiring. Harry had reread the Introduction letter Headmaster Fullerton wrote dozens of times and still wasn't sure what to make of it. If a significant amount of wizards left the Earth, then where did they go? There were mixed ships of muggles and wizards upon which they were theoretically forced to maintain the statute of secrecy. Harry ended up here, so it stands to reason that at the very least the primary line of hereditary Weasleys made it here as well. For some reason whichever Weasley was in possession of the Harry ring, they elected not to wake Harry. They didn't deem the situation severe enough. Or maybe they weren't capable of waking him for some reason. Maybe they were kidnapped, or unconscious, or in a coma. Harry was contemplating all the possibilities when he was jarred out of his musings. 

"Harry!" Simon yelled. "What did you do to my sister?"

Harry looked up in the worried eyes of Dr. Tam and saw Kaylee standing over River shaking her. Harry tiredly realized he'd been daydreaming and looked at the clock, seeing it was evening already and about time for River's training. "What's a what?" Harry intelligently asked.

"What did you do to River?" Simon insisted. "She won't wake up."

Harry hopped up and saw River seemed perfectly fine and completely non-responsive. Harry rolled his eyes. "I was afraid of this. Don't worry Doc. This is no problem. I'll fix her right up for you. But give me at least," Harry paused and seemed to be calculating. "At least two hours before you even think about shaking us awake."

"What's happened?" Kaylee asked far gentler than Simon was about to.

Harry shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure, but I would guess she's tried to apply some of my methods to dealing with her own memories."

"That's good, though, isn't it?" Kaylee replied putting her hand over her boyfriend's mouth.

Harry snickered at how trusting Simon was of Kaylee. "Yes, it's good in theory. No, it's bad if she's not ready, because you can easily trap yourself in your own mind. Which is what she's done I'm guessing. She might have even locked herself in a trance or put her consciousness to sleep in her subconscious."

"So you can just go in and fix her. Why the two hours?" Kaylee continued as she was now pinching and shaking Simon's cheek.

Harry smiled at Simon and said, "Well, in case it's complicated, I don't want you to worry if it takes time. And if it's not complicated, I'm going to teach her to wake herself up and prevent this from happening again."

"Fair enough," Kaylee agreed. "Would we serve any good or bad purpose here?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. It'll be boring to wait, and I'll let you know when she's back if you want to go. The Doc here may not wish to leave River's side, but she'll be fine."

"Thank you, Harry," Kaylee grinned and turned to her boyfriend.

Harry nodded his appreciation. "No problem, now if you don't mind, I'm going delve into Miss Tam's mind. And Doctor, seriously, you should bring your translator more often. I think our conversations are much more pleasant and clear with her around."

"I don't like you," Simon frowned.

Kaylee grinned and explained. "My boyfriend here is very grateful that you are able to help his sister, and very frustrated that he is _unable _to help his sister. He doesn't show his jealousy well, and it can come out harsher than he means."

Harry snickered.

"No, really. I don't like him," Simon told his girlfriend. "I don't like him at all!"

"Take good care of her, Harry," Kaylee chided and pulled her boyfriend away from Harry indicating he should begin helping River.

Harry took the signal and lifted up River's eyelids. With her current state, Harry tried simply mentally reciting the incantation and a few seconds later, settled himself into the nearby chair, appearing to the outside world, just as catatonic as River Tam.

Kaylee saw Harry sit back and seem to be completely unmoving in his stare towards River. She squeezed her boyfriend's hand and chirped, "That is so cool!"

Simon grumbled but squeezed her hand back. "It's not _cool_. It's freakish. It's unnatural. They don't move. They don't blink. They just sit here completely oblivious to the outside world. Occasionally I'll see an emotion on her face, a small smile, or a wince, nothing huge. And then it'll be gone and I'll wonder if I just imagined that movement. Or think it was just a muscle spasm."

Kaylee looked over and said, "You're cute when you whine like a child."

Simon frowned and considered whether he was more insulted or appreciative of the compliment. "Doesn't it seem odd to you?"

"Yes," Kaylee admitted with a grin. "Very."

"Doesn't it seem unbelievable?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Don't you think we should be worried more?"

Kaylee shook her head. "Nope. You're worried enough for the rest of us, including River."

Simon sighed in frustration. He watched Harry and River's bodies just sit there immobile as he was completely clueless on what they were doing and if it was helping his sister. "What about this job Harry came up with? What do you make of that?"

Kaylee shrugged. "It sounds great. I think it'll be fun."

"You don't find it convenient? Too easy? Too good to be true?"

"Maybe," Kaylee smiled at her boyfriend. "But I think those might be the… side effects of keeping Harry around. I know he annoys you and you're scared he's taking a liking to your sister. But so far he's been more than we could have hoped for, you know? He's helping River, and if this is what it takes to help her, I'm not sure anyone else even _could_ have helped her. That last job was the best one we've had in over a year and it was easy and paid great. If Mr. Universe and him have an idea for another job that's easy and pays better than any of us could have expected, what's the point of thinking this is going to be the first time he finally lets us down?"

"I know," Simon frustratingly agreed. "I've just seen how much better River's been doing. For the past six months, I'd been lying to myself, convincing myself she wasn't getting worse when she was. And now to see her doing so well… it just feels like the other shoe is hanging there, waiting to drop."

"I know what you need," Kaylee stated calmly as she stood up to leave the bridge. "You need some monkey sex." She didn't say another word as she turned and walked back towards her bunk.

Simon couldn't stop the grin that split his face in two. He looked over at River and Harry and could have sworn he just saw River smile again. He got up and hurried after his girlfriend leaving the semi-unconscious pair alone.

* * *

Harry appeared by the tree he'd met River at in her mind's landscape. There was no sign of her anywhere. He focused on locating her and found himself unable to. Harry sighed, cursing his own lack of abilities at Legilimency and Occlumency. His childhood attempts at learning the skill were doomed from the beginning, and one of the main reasons he'd not put much effort into learning these particular mind arts. Harry had always looked down upon these forms of magic as they were so ripe for abuse and misuse. Harry hated the idea of there being a master key to unlock everybody's secrets. Primarily because so many of the people who had acquired the skill used it indiscriminately for even the most mundane of reasons. In wartime, it became something of an ugly necessity, as people lives were at risk. Much like the use of lethal force is sometimes called for, so is a certainty of truth, trust, and loyalty. But once the war was over, it was only the egos and the need for control that was at risk. And to Harry it was then just another gross violation of individuals' rights, freedoms, and privacy, and a violation that was nearly impossible to police. 

Harry's endless lifelong study of magic did lead him back to the mind arts and Harry learned all he could about them, much like his studies into the darkest of black arts. But Harry's disposition made it so he could barely pass as a Master in both Occlumency and Legilimency. While most would consider that to mean he was quite gifted at it, for Harry's measure it was far from one of his strong points. He was never as skilled as Dumbledore, Riddle, or even Snape at either discipline and Harry took a small measure of comfort in that fact. Considering Harry seemed to be the only wizard left in the universe though, he could have been as dreadful now as he had been as a teenager and he still would have been miles ahead of everyone else. But right at this moment, he was slightly curious if perhaps those better at the mental arts would have been able to locate River inside her mind. Trying once more to suss out her location, Harry conceded that for now, it was still too chaotic in her head. Resorting to trial and error, Harry began popping around to the areas in her mind he'd already taken her. Having no luck, Harry tried targeting emotions and seeing if he could find anything.

Harry wasn't sure how long he'd been looking when he hit on the feeling of _innocence_ and found River eyes closed with a smile, spinning on a child's playground. Harry hopped onto the merry-go-round and dove right into the memory that River was reliving. It was six year old little River with a paper hat on, opening presents for her birthday. Harry was immediately reminded of just who he was dealing with when she squealed in excitement to having received a collected works of Shakespeare in its original early modern English rather than the bastardized American spoken these days. Not exactly the typical gift to make a girl on her sixth birthday squeal in joy.

Harry took control of the memory and froze it in place. "You might be the youngest nerd I've ever met."

The six year old River looked around at the frozen action and up at Harry. "What are you doing here? You weren't invited to my party."

Harry rolled his eyes. "And you've gone and done something stupid."

River frowned as she quickly grew into the properly aged and dressed young woman she was. She was petulantly keeping her paper hat. "I've been sticking to happy memories, only times before I left the general education program."

"And just how would you know that they're from then?"

"I know," River insisted. "It's my mind and I make sure they're happy before viewing them. I've been categorizing and organizing them once I figured out how to group them easier."

"Really?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "Show me."

River nodded and the scenery shifted into a circular room with white stone floors and countless video monitors covering all the walls. Several had still images while others moved back and forth showing snippets of scenes not unlike wizarding pictures. River flourished with her arm, "These are all good memories. Nothing terribly fantastic and nothing bad. Just simply happiness."

The floor rumbled and descended like an elevator until they were in another circular room, again completely surrounded by video monitors, only all of these were turned off. "These will be less pleasant memories but I've been avoiding anything that will go in here."

The floor descended again and they were in a third circular room. This time they weren't any video monitors but glass walls and separate cages like a zoo.

Harry looked around and turned to River waiting for her explanation.

"This was my first idea for containing the triggers," River explained. "And I expect it will change as I understand them better, but I wanted them completely sealed off from all the other memories or thought processes unless I actively allowed them freedom. I was hoping you could help me capture and contain them."

The floor rumbled once more and rose very quickly taking the cheerful young woman in the paper hat and her amused instructor to the first circular room with the good memories on the video monitors. "All of these memories I've relived and placed here."

Harry nodded appreciatively. "Very impressive work. I see you're taking some of the concepts I've been telling you about and putting them into use for your own purposes."

"See?" River smiled victoriously. "I haven't gone and done _something stupid_."

"You've made leaps and bounds I wasn't expecting you to make yet. This is very good." Harry admitted. "Now, wake yourself up."

River stopped and clenched her eyes shut. She gritted her teeth in concentration. Cautiously, she peeked open one of her eyes and saw she hadn't actually done anything at all other then give Harry sufficient reason to smirk at her. "Oh."

"And there is the something stupid." Harry smugly announced.

"Would I not snap out of this on my own?" River asked.

Harry shrugged. "Probably. But unless you've got someone feeding you and giving you water, you could very well starve to death or die of dehydration before waking up."

"Oh."

Harry nodded. "I was minding my own business when your brother yelled at me, freaking out because you were completely non-responsive. Kaylee even slapped you a couple times."

"Really?"

"That's why, before you should be jumping into your own mind without a parachute, you need to learn to be aware beyond your own mind."

River frowned. "I'm usually a very light sleeper and wake up whenever anyone enters the room."

"I'm guessing that's because your wild reading talent senses them," Harry explained. "And you've relied on that instinct. I've been blocking that sense for you. Have you not been sleeping better since I've been around?"

River sighed and nodded. "Much better. Thanks for that by the way."

Harry grinned. "Happy to help. Even if it does give me the unpleasant job of being forced to share a bed with a young attractive woman."

River didn't care to continue that conversation and quickly asked, "So can you teach me to wake up and how to be aware outside of here?"

"I think I'd better," Harry agreed. "Though you really should be careful and warn me when you do this. Even knowing the memories are happy, there could be a trigger in happiness, and you could get locked into a loop in here for a very long time. In case you hadn't noticed time doesn't exactly flow normally inside your head."

"Let me guess," River asked. "It's been four hours?"

Harry shook his head. "Actually this time, I've not even been in here for an hour yet."

"Why has it always been around four hours?" River asked.

"I'm pretty sure each time is a little longer than the time before it," Harry explained. "Because what happens is that from here inside, it's almost like I'm at the other side of the ship in terms of the Occlumens shield I've got protecting you from wild reading."

"Oh thank god," River gasped. "So that's just me picking up on other's thoughts or memories."

"Yeah," Harry said with an odd look. "Why so grateful?"

"Do you remember what we saw at the end of the second four hour session?"

Harry nodded. "That's why I ended it. Your instincts are improving and my need to hold the shield is weakening, but when it breaks you just start reeling in the emotions and feelings all around you."

River nodded. "I could tell the first time you responded to that noseless demon thing. And then you did it again with Kaylee and the blonde girl."

Harry laughed, "I was responding to the fact that you were reading others again. In case you missed it, Simon was there and all the lascivious acts involving Kaylee came from his head."

River smiled lightly. "Your reactions led me to wonder."

Harry shook his head vigorously. "Don't get me wrong, Kaylee's adorable. But right now, possibly her most attractive quality is that she can easily control your brother. I doubt you'd be this far in your training if not for her." Harry grinned and added, "Not to mention the stick she removed."

River snickered a little at the reminder of her earlier description of her brother. "What about the red-eyed no nose thing? I can't help but notice that was around the time I was seeing a few of my own demons. Nor can I help but to point out that when I read Kaylee off my brother, I got that bug-eyed blonde from you."

"You sure that wasn't your brother too?" Harry attempted to deflect.

"Yes."

Harry redirected again and explained, "Excellent. Your senses are improving if you can tell easily which of us those came from. Not to mention your ability to identify and categorize your memories here are further examples of your reading instincts responding to your own control. We are well on our way."

River agreed with the praise but wasn't letting Harry off that easily. "Girlfriend or sister?"

"Truthfully he was a semi-normal man before his soul got corrupted and his physical features grew progressively more serpent-like."

"_The blonde_: girlfriend or sister?" River insisted with a smile.

Harry shrugged, "Can't it be both?"

River was enjoying Harry's discomfort. "I do hope you're not being coy for _my_ benefit. Did she break your heart? Is she looking for you still?"

"Fine," Harry snapped. "The answers are neither, no, and no. Now let me show you how to get out of here."

River got the distinct feeling the blonde was dead, whoever she was.

"You need to…" Harry paused unsure how to explain this to a muggle. There were a variety of ways to do this, but Harry's preferred method was to cast a sort of mental _Ennervate_. For Harry, nothing else left him more aware immediately. The problem with this was that Harry's mage senses told him River had no magical core. He may as well have been trying to teach Dudley the summoning charm.

Harry didn't know how long he was lost in thought, when River asked loudly, "Harry?"

Harry shook his head and smiled deviously. "I've got an idea, and it's going to give you something to examine as well."

"Why don't you just teach me how to wake up?" River asked not liking the gleam in Harry's eye.

"Because I'm not really sure there's an easy way for you to do it," Harry explained. "So I'm going to do it for you."

"That doesn't help me any, Harry."

"Come here," Harry said grabbing River's hand and pulling them back to the first dusty path they'd ever found in River's mind. Harry held up his hand to stall River. He closed his eyes and was concentrating. River could feel her own head was tingling in an extremely odd way. It wasn't painful, and actually felt pretty good, but it was weird.

She saw Harry lower his hand and a small platform spiraled up as it grew out of the ground. When it reached to about the middle of River's stomach it stopped, and a bright red plastic button appeared.

Harry opened his eyes and smiled victoriously at River. "There you go. That's the button to wake you up."

"What?" River asked looking closely at the button.

Harry nodded. "It's a trigger. Like that phrase to put to sleep, or those video signals that trigger your trances. I tried to make as unobtrusive and noninvasive for you. A big red button inside your mind. You know your mind, so you must make the platform appear and then you can push the button whenever you want to wake up."

"You gave me another trigger?" River asked curiously. "I thought we were going to try and get rid of those."

Harry nodded, "We're going to break you of your responses to them, and here's a perfectly safe one, you can examine and test it all you want. And it also buys me time to figure out a good way to teach you how to wake up."

"Okay," River said looking all around the button on the pedestal in front of her. "Should I press it?"

"Any time you're ready to wake up," Harry answered.

River stood up and asked, "Weren't you going to teach me to be aware outside?"

"That's a kind of complicated splitting your consciousness process. I think you're going to be completely exhausted when you wake up, and should probably get some sleep. We can really kick the training into gear since you've already started constructing your library and trusting your mind's inclinations."

River nodded and asked something she'd been meaning to. "Does this mean I can be away from you for up to four hours now?"

Harry grinned. "As long as we're both on the ship, I bet it'll hold about that long. I wouldn't pressure it though, because if it fractures, it'll be like a flood on you."

River winced at the thought of how loud and painful a flood would be. "So I only have to see you every three hours or so?"

Harry shrugged. "We've got a lot of training to go, but yeah. I think you'd be okay with me just refreshing it every few hours. If you'd like you can even sleep in your own bed, and I'll drop by to strengthen it every couple of hours." Harry pondered and tapped his chin. "Of course now I'll need a new excuse for why Jayne and I stare at you in your sleep."

River narrowed her eyes having suspected as much. "Will this really work? Are we at this point already?"

Harry shook his head. "It's not going to be as quiet and strong as when I'm constantly around and constantly reinforcing it. But it should be enough that you don't need to follow me everywhere."

River frowned but was excited about the prospect.

"Like a lost puppy," Harry continued needling the young woman. "I guess that might be why you're such a bit-"

River cut Harry off from saying anything more by slamming her hand down on the red button, waking her up instantly.

Harry leaned back in fright as River lunged forward up from the bed with a loud gasp.

River was panting as she jerkily looked around the room. "Did you just give me a shot of adrenaline?"

Harry winced at her rapid winking and asked, "Too much?"

River nodded fiercely, staring at Harry with wide eyes. "I think we could tone it down a notch or twelve."

"Sorry," Harry admitted. "I'll recalibrate it next time, but it may have been because you slammed on the button so hard."

"Really?" River asked having resumed normal breathing, even if she was talking a bit fast. "Because I wouldn't think that that would be something _I_ could affect. I'd have thought the triggers were like switches, either on or off. Not murky middle ground with degrees of _on_."

Harry knew how exhausted she had to be. She'd blown way past his expectations and had made huge strides towards controlling her mind. But considering the amount of mental exercise building those rooms and organizing those memories undoubtedly took, she very well may sleep for the next twenty four hours or more. "Well then perhaps you should take a closer look at the trigger I made for you next time. Here drink this water, and let me get you some food. You're probably going to pass out from exhaustion."

River took the water and downed it, while Harry dropped some ham cubes on a small dish. She saw Harry's frantic hurried motions and popped a couple cubes in her mouth, idly wondering why Harry had ham cubes with him. "I think you're overreacting here, Harry." She popped another cube in and chewed it up, wondering when she developed a taste for ham, because these were tastier than she remembered. "I don't even feel a little bit tired."

Harry waved her to keep eating and added, "That would be the adrenaline still."

"Oh," River replied as she fell into a dead sleep sitting up on the bed. She'd actually managed to toss one last ham cube towards her face. It missed her mouth but hit her cheek with enough force to finally knock her limply onto her back with a _fwump_.

Harry tucked her into the bed and vanished the remaining ham cubes. He remembered what Kaylee had said to Simon when they left the room and decided not to drop in on them. Taking the diplomatic and hopefully safe route, Harry pressed on the intercom to their bunk. "Kaylee? Doc?" He asked hopefully and waited for a response.

"Harry!" Kaylee's voice called back, while there was a muffled mating call in the distance. "Be quiet, Simon! It's probably news about your sister!"

Harry just winced, grateful he hadn't gone down to their room. He heard Simon stumbling and running closer to the intercom, yelling out "River? River, is that you?"

"Yes, Simon, it's me," Harry sarcastically replied. "My mind broke and I lost my voice, so Harry's lending me his."

"Don't move!" Simon called out franticly. "I'm coming up there now!"

"Hang on!" Harry yelled back while Kaylee called out, "Put some pants on at least!"

A sheepish yelp could be heard and some more scrambling.

Harry took advantage of the delay. "Doc! Wait! You don't have to come up here. River's fine. She woke up briefly. I gave her a glass of water and got her to eat just a little bit of food. Now she's done a lot of mental work, and is probably going to be sleeping for a long time. Like a day, maybe. I'm sure you'll want to check her out, but she'll be fine. This is normal. Just let her get some rest."

"That's great, Harry," Kaylee called back. "Isn't that good news, honey?"

Simon agreed but insisted on checking River right away. He felt guilty enough leaving her alone for this long.

"He's coming your way, Harry," Kaylee ruefully explained as she watched her boyfriend sprint out of the room.

"Alright," Harry replied. "I hope that monkey sex put him in a better mood."

Kaylee gulped but giggled. "I take it you heard that?"

Harry nodded. "It took all my strength not to start making faces or sounds in an effort to freak your boyfriend out. He's not sure if we smile or not. Lordy. Oh, here he comes. I'll try and send your lesser half back as soon as possible."

Kaylee just smiled as she scooted back from the intercom and got comfy on her bed.

"What is it?" Simon asked. "What's going on?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Feel free to examine her. She's completely asleep and will be for a while, but if you really wanted to wake her you can."

Simon was kneeling next to her, checking her pulse. "What did you do? What happened?"

"I found her. She was going through memories like I expected. But she didn't know how to wake up, nor was she aware at all of any external stimuli, like you and Kaylee trying to wake her up. It's a dangerous thing for her to do, as she won't be aware she's in pain or on fire, if she's that singularly focused. When I'm in control and teaching her, it's fine, because my attention is on the outside world as well as her mind. She still hasn't learned how to split her focus and remain aware, but I implanted a trigger in her-"

"You did what!" Simon yelled before forgetting River was sleeping right next to him. She moaned and rolled to the other side, still out like a light.

"I set up a trigger to give her a jolt of adrenaline. This way she goes to the trigger, pushes a button, and wakes up. So she can at least wake herself up now." Harry explained. "She did a lot of work, and slammed her hand down on the button. The jolt was bigger than she or I expected, so she was a bit hyper before conking out like a light. I knew she was going to be asleep for a long time, so I tried to get her to drink or eat what little sustenance she could."

Simon could tell she wasn't in the same odd trance she had been earlier as she responded to pokes and had rolled over in her sleep. And he had to agree with Harry's assessment.

"She's going to rest for a while now," Harry continued. "If you want to move her to her own bed, or to your infirmary, we can, but all she needs is sleep. That's why I'd recommend just leaving her here, and coming in to check on her whenever your overprotective brother streak urges you to."

Simon just nodded and seemed to be struggling with himself. "Thank you," Simon quietly said with difficulty.

Harry restrained himself from laughing and pointing and accepted Simon's gratitude. "You're welcome. Now if you don't mind I think I want to get some food, and I think Kaylee's up for some more monkey sex with you."

Simon tried his best not to show any response to that remark at all. His face was flush but he was acting as dignified as he could. "Good night, Harry."

"Night Doc," Harry chirped to the blushing man as he left the bridge. "I'll let you know when River wakes up." Harry gave River another quick look, strengthened the mind shield around her, and headed towards the kitchen to grab a bite to eat.


	12. CHAPTER ELEVEN: Sympathy Pains

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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CHAPTER ELEVEN – Sympathy Pains**

Harry reached the kitchen and found a pretty amusing scene. Mal was passed out with his head on the kitchen table, a small puddle of drool forming underneath his open mouth. The glass bottle he was hugging close to his cheek warped the appearance of the Captain's nose to look significantly larger than reality.

Zoe on the other hand was wide awake, her hand wrapped tightly around an identical bottle of alcohol as the Captain. Her head was down and she was slouched silently in her chair. She adamantly resisted looking up, though she no doubt knew Harry had walked into the room.

Harry took one look at the scene and the two other already empty whiskey bottles on the table and decided to pass on having a late dinner. "I know when something's none of my business," Harry explained calmly as he sat down in a chair opposite from Zoe. "But you don't look like you should be drinking alone."

Zoe sat there quietly for ten seconds before she sighed and shook her head. "Not now, Harry. I'm not in the mood for this. Simon just went through here. I'm sure he's still up if you're looking for someone to bother."

"Don't need the Doc," Harry nodded and explained. "But I can be a mighty good listener when the situation calls for one."

"Well then listen up," Zoe half-slurred and half-whispered looking up for the first time. She loudly snarled, "Go. Away."

Harry looked over at the quietly snoring Captain and Zoe's surprising surliness and defensive behavior. "Ahh," Harry hummed with a sad smile recognizing the hurt in her eyes. "It's one of those. So what was it today? Wash's birthday? Or your anniversary?"

Zoe looked back up from her bottle and narrowed her eyes at Harry for disturbing her efforts to drown her sorrows for a night. "What makes you so sure of yourself?"

Harry shrugged and reached into an inside pocket and pulled out his own bottle of whiskey. "I know when you lost him," Harry explained twisting and breaking the seal on his bottle. "And I know that kind of selfish anger only comes from the pain of losing the loved one. So I figured birthday or anniversary. I'm guessing anniversary."

Zoe's irritation was rising but her judgment kept her conversing. "What would you know about it?"

Harry didn't answer immediately instead he took his bottle and tipped it way back. He had his eyes shut as he gulped down swallow after swallow, chugging nearly half of it, and earning a slightly impressed look from Zoe. He leaned forward and ripped the bottle from his mouth letting out a loud exhale. "Sorry, I've got some catching up to do to reach your level of intoxication. Though, if it's all the same to you, I think we should let the Captain fly solo in the passed-out-painful-head-hurting stage for a while."

Zoe said nothing but saw the slight smile on Mal's face and found herself almost laughing at how sick the Captain was going to be feeling in the morning. She saw Harry seemed to be planting roots at his seat at the table and she briefly considered how difficult getting up to move would be. Given her current state, she decided dealing with an annoying Harry would be easier than anything as strenuous as walking to her bunk.

Harry had a faraway smile and tilted his head back breaking eye contact from Zoe. "I know a lot more about it then you realize." Harry just stared off into space, lost in memories he hadn't really thought about in too long a while. When he turned back to Zoe, his eyes were glistening with tears just moments away from being shed. "When my wife died, I really felt like everything that mattered to me was gone and I should have followed her into death. I hid it pretty damn well, if I do say so myself. I won't say I know how you feel, because I know enough to know it's different for everyone. But I assure you, I _do_ know the pain that's wearing you down."

Zoe's anger was momentarily abated, and it was being replaced with intrigue. "You," she asked doubtfully, "were married?"

Harry nodded and added, "Without question she was the best thing that ever happened to me."

Unable to wrap her mind around Harry's claims, Zoe just continued, "When the hell were you married?"

Harry smiled as he began to take smaller sips of his bottle of whiskey. While nowhere near as strong as Ogden's Old Firewhiskey, this stuff still did the trick. "A long, long time ago. I got married when I was 27."

Zoe scoffed and shook her head, not really believing Harry was even 27 now.

Harry grinned brightly showing off his teeth. "I can see you doubt me, but it's been better than a couple years since I got drunk and bragged about how great she was. So you're going first. You tell me about Wash. How'd you meet him, why you loved him, what you miss most about him. Whatever floats your boat."

Zoe did a little double-take at Harry and just sucked on her bottle again. Her desire for peaceful solitude was waging a mental war with her burning curiosity to learn more about Harry. Considering she was quite drunk and couldn't do a whole lot anyways, she conceded to continuing the conversation. Showing less hostility and even a touch of civility, she asked, "Why do you care?"

Harry whipped his head back and forth. Mainly because he drank so much so fast that it gave him one of those good dizzy feelings. After a moment's thought about how to reply, he explained, "I care… I care because I know that no matter how much the Captain tries, no matter how much he misses his _friend_ Wash, he won't understand what it's like for you. Losing anyone hurts. But losing the one that is yours, the one whose life means so much more to you, so much more than your own does, that it… well. Honestly, there aren't words for it. But the one thing you do learn is to spot that pain in someone else's eyes. And you can't sit back when you see someone else carrying that around. You want to share your pain with them and you want to them to share theirs with you, because… because…" Harry sighed and shrugged. "Because it's the best way to feel like they're still a part of you."

Zoe was just staring at Harry unblinking and really noticed that longing, wizened look in his eyes. A look of a weight he was carrying and would carry for the rest of his life. A sadness that he wouldn't ever want to be without and that he wore with pride. "You really did lose your wife, didn't you?"

Harry nodded sadly and smiled. "Yes, but I was extremely lucky in that I got to live a long and full life with her. You got ripped off, sister. Yours was cut short. And yours is fresher," Harry explained as he shook and waggled his finger at Zoe's completely disbelieving face. "Right now, you look lost. I'm sure this little unofficial drinking tradition didn't dull the pain or drown your sorrows but you do it anyway because nothing else works. You look like you don't know what to do with your pain, like there's some secret answer to make it go away or all better. But trust me, you don't want that. That pain you feel is the love you hold for him, and will always hold for him. What you do need to do is share it with me. And remember how wonderful it is to always have that pain and love with you." Harry exhaled and slouched back into a position similar to Zoe's. Gone was the grandfather giving advice and back was the slightly odd young pilot as he cheerfully asked, "So let's hear it. When did you first meet the strapping young Hoban Washburn?"

Not even blotto would Zoe show any emotion to the words Harry was saying. She just listened to them silently, staring back at him. She realized he did seem to have something of an understanding. She wasn't sure she believed Harry right now, but a part of her felt like humoring him. She chuckled through a sad smile. "He had the worst moustache when we met him. Lord, it looked horrible."

Harry snickered, hearing the drunken honesty in her voice. "I'm guessing it wasn't quite love at first sight."

Zoe laughed out loud and shook her head. "I didn't even like him. The Captain had just bought Serenity and we needed a pilot. Wash came highly recommended and…" Zoe was recalling all her old memories. "I swear that man was so painfully… _cheesy_. His attitude, the little quips and jokes he always made, especially when he was nervous. I really half-hoped the Captain would shoot him a few times." She quickly corrected, "A number of times," before honestly admitting, "Okay, a _lot_ of times."

Harry chuckled and stayed silent, waiting for Zoe to continue. He was more than three quarters of the way through his bottle, and was slowing down as he realized it tasted about as strong as water.

Zoe seemed inordinately pleased with herself and proud of her late husband. "My man was the best pilot I'd ever seen. We had this jerk-off, Bester, as our mechanic. Now _that_ man was a tool. And somewhere over the course of that first year in our home in the sky, I began to notice the differences between the Captain, Bester, and… and Wash." Zoe took a moment and another sip. "Don't get me wrong, I will always respect the Captain. There isn't a doubt in my mind that he was the main reason I survived the war. That he was the main reason I wanted to continue to fight. But I never once looked at him in that way. You fight alongside a man, or serve under his command, and he's a brother, he's a boss, he's a leader. I'll follow the Captain to hell and back but he wasn't what I wanted my life to be. Wash was everything he's not. Everything I wanted to be a part of again." Zoe suddenly realized she was baring her soul to Harry and somewhere along the line it didn't sound like a half bad idea. She took a deep breath and continued, "My man could make me smile and laugh with just a waggle of his eyebrows. Everything about him, even the bits that used to annoy the hell out of me, now… now, I love those parts. Simply because they define him, and they were what made him the person he was."

"I can't remember who it was that said it, but I think the line goes something like this," Harry paused and fought his drunken haze to remember the saying. He slowly recited, "_Others may like all the perfect things about him, but you will love all the flaws._"

"That sounds about right," Zoe nodded tiredly. "Flaws and all."

Sensing her sadness rising, Harry aimed for a little levity and asked with a smile, "Even the moustache?"

Zoe shook her head resolutely. "Oh hell no. He'd shaved that lip ferret off long before I ever loved him."

Harry laughed at how dead serious Zoe had reacted.

Zoe was drifting off, just thinking about her man.

"So what moment was there," Harry asked. "Obviously post-lip ferret, when you first realized you loved him? Or thought, or _feared _that you might?"

Zoe considered Harry's question for a while and began snickering. "We'd just finished a job, and were basking in our glorious score. This was probably a year and a half after we'd started flying," Zoe clarified. She was running through the scene in her head and ruefully explained, "There was a drinking game that my man lost horribly. And I don't know what got into me to be honest, maybe something in me pitied him or maybe I was just really horny from the alcohol, but that night we had completely uncoordinated awkward drunken sex. It was about as unremarkable as it comes."

Harry smiled at the thought of the many forms love can be found in.

"Anyway," Zoe continued after shaking her head ruefully having noticed Harry's smile. "The next morning when I woke up, my head was pounding, my body was sore, and I was just generally aching and uncomfortable. I rolled over and saw Wash just staring at me, scared out of his gourd. He was white as a sheet and terrified." Zoe was outright laughing remembering it. "I'm pretty sure he thought I was going to kill him. Admittedly, I _was_ pretty hung-over and probably not exactly my usual jovial, smiling self."

Harry made no effort to repress his snort when the business-like, stern Zoe described herself as jovial and smiling.

"Be nice," Zoe snapped back with a small pout as she couldn't stop grinning. She wondered when she started to enjoy Harry's company and blamed it on the alcohol. "So when I looked over and saw how frightened he was, that poor boy just started apologizing, making plans to leave the ship, stammering every word out of his mouth. He went off on how to make reparations and he was offering to pay me for my trauma." Zoe couldn't even keep a serious face describing the scene. "And I couldn't take it. I just started laughing in his face."

Harry joined in her amusement. "I'm not sure that's the sort of morning-after reaction most guys like to hear."

Zoe was shaking her head as her tears of mirth were building up in her eyes. "He…" she struggled to continue through her laughter. "He actually started crying."

"Oh… _Zoe_," Harry scolded her between chuckles. "You're a horrible person sometimes, aren't you?"

"I didn't know what to do," Zoe defended hopelessly. "I couldn't help it. The fact that he was so deathly afraid of my fury that morning _that it led him to tears_, was just too much for me to take. He was sniffling and tried to quietly sneak out of the room. And it was _his bunk_ we were in!" Zoe took a breath and kept arguing for sympathy, "I ordered him not to leave and he just let out this high-pitched whimper like some scolded puppy. And that was it for me. Somewhere in that painful hung-over morning, watching the man I'd clumsily bedded in a drunken stupor the night before, cry and whimper," Zoe was shaking her head in fond remembrance. "I realized he was what I wanted. And I was falling totally and completely in love with him."

Harry could only smile at the compassion and caring on Zoe's tear-streaked face.

Zoe was still chuckling. "Before that lovely first time together we shared, I'd liked him decently enough but I kept wondering if it was just process of elimination simply because there weren't exactly a lot of options on a ship in the black. But after that morning, I knew. It was him and only him. No one else was ever going to make me feel the way he could." Zoe finished softly caught up in memories. She glanced over, saw Harry watching her, and quickly added, "Thank god, the sex got a lot better after that too."

Harry snickered and shook his head. He gave Zoe a few moments to enjoy her happy memories before solemnly remarking, "I really wish I could have met him. I have a feeling we would have gotten on famously."

Zoe sighed sadly and joked back, "You probably would have played dinosaurs with him."

Harry's eyes widened and he grinned playfully, "He had dinosaurs?"

Zoe chuckled. "He was such a man-child sometimes. He loved those little plastic toys."

"Well, they were _dinosaurs_!" Harry argued indignantly.

Zoe rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you're another one."

Harry sighed and admitted, "Okay maybe not, but I respect and know the value of a good toy dinosaur."

Zoe shook her head at Harry. Every time she thought she might have Harry figured out he would throw something new at them all. And she was already feeling better than she had in a long time just remembering her husband. The sobering, peaceful silence remained while Zoe wiped her face clean of tears. She thought it felt different crying tears of mirth rather than those of pain and sadness. She could sense Harry was waiting on her. Privately, she wondered if Harry was just going to make something up to try and make her smile, though she remembered the look in Harry's eyes and knew it was going to be more than that. She couldn't help but to grin slightly as she spoke up, "Alright, your turn. I _have_ to hear about what girl was nutty enough to marry you."

Harry smiled brightly, finally getting the chance to talk about his most favorite subject. He restrained the urge to pump his fist or clap his hands. "Nutty doesn't even begin to describe her. And don't be shy about stopping me here. Once I get going I'll talk your ear off and keep you up all night."

Zoe chuckled as Harry's enthusiasm. "I'm ready. Lay it on me."

Harry was rubbing his hands together in glee. "Where do I start?" He mused out loud.

"How about a name?" Zoe asked with a raised eyebrow, taking another sip from her half-finished second bottle.

"Luna," Harry replied immediately and proudly. "Loo-nah. Such a great name. _Luna_. Luna Potter. Merlin, was she beautiful."

"Merlin?" Zoe asked in confusion.

Harry stopped and shook his head thinking he was perhaps a little too happy right now. "Sorry. Old habit there. Don't mind me."

"Harry," Zoe interrupted. "You're already the weirdest person I've ever met. I don't mind you."

Harry smiled brightly. "I have Luna to thank for a lot of that. She taught me an awful lot of things but certainly one of the most important was to appreciate life."

"You didn't appreciate life before her?" Zoe asked tried to reconcile the image of a depressed moody teenager with the ebullient young man sitting across from her.

"Not really," Harry explained. "I had a crappy childhood, a pretty surreal adolescence, and once I'd finished school, I was as surprised as everyone else that I was still alive. It was like so much of my entire existence had been building up to this inevitable event, and once it was in the past, I was completely lost. She was my best friend from about that point on."

"She was your best friend before being your wife?"

"Yup," Harry nodded eagerly. He unabashedly explained, "Growing up, my aunt and uncle used to call me 'freak' because they wanted to hurt me, dehumanize me, and generally make me feel like crap. It worked. Because they were right, I was a freak, I _am_ a freak. Luna's the one who made me realize that's only a bad thing if you want it to be. All my other friends kept assuring me I wasn't a freak, that I shouldn't listen to my relatives, or let their opinion bother me. Luna on the other hand told me quite clearly that she thought I was a freak and that she was a freak too. She couldn't understand why I would ever want to be normal by my uncle's standards, or even ever want to be anything other than what I truly am. I'm not sure the rest of my friends could really understand that, but to Luna it was the only thing that made sense."

"She sounds pretty special." Zoe commented, having never seen Harry this excited.

"Like Wash was for you," Harry chuckled. "I've never met anyone like her at all and I doubt I ever will. After I'd finished school and pretty much met every expectation people had of me, everyone I knew was looking at me different. A lot of them in fear, a lot of them in awe, most of them like I wasn't even human. People that knew me for years, even the ones that were my friends, began acting differently with me. I didn't notice it at first because I was changing too. Then one day, I was talking to my friends and I realized how much we all had changed and how differently so many of them looked at me, like the same rules don't apply to me. Except for Luna.

"I spent the next six years trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I had plenty of job offers, no real need for money thanks to the inheritance from my parents, and no clue at all what to do because it had never been up to me. Everyone else had their dream jobs, or they had plans to get their dream job, something they loved, something they felt they wanted to do for the rest of their lives."

Harry smiled seeing Zoe was either capable of believing some of the impossibilities of Harry's life, or simply respectful enough to humor him and treat him the same way. He continued, "And I'd never really thought about my future. When two of my closest friends got married and went on their honeymoon, I asked Luna what I should do." Harry grinned remembering the conversation. "She merely told me to make a list. Not of just things I wanted to do, but things I enjoy. People I like, places I wanted to be near, and to try and rank them in order. I spent two weeks working on that list, and when I was done, it only had one thing on it: Luna."

Zoe couldn't help but smile at the trite but sweet romantic gesture. She nodded indicating Harry should continue.

"I put Luna down on the list," Harry explained. "Wasn't sure where I'd rank her, but I knew whatever I did, or wherever I went, I wanted my best friend to be a part of my life. And every other thing I thought of after that, just didn't feel worthy or important enough to be on the same list as Luna."

Harry grinned brightly. "That was that moment I realized I didn't want her to be just my best friend. I wanted her to be _mine_. I wanted her to be a part of my life. And then I realized how completely selfish and arrogant I was being. I shouldn't have been wasting time trying to figure out what to do with _my_ life. I wanted her and I wanted us to figure out what to do with _our_ life. Which meant it wasn't my decision to agonize over, it was ours. When I showed her my list, she just had this tiny smile, and I knew right then, I got my list perfect."

Zoe grinned. Something about hearing Harry's young romance made her feel good, in all the ways that seeing Kaylee and Simon happy and in love, made Zoe hurt. "What was she like?"

"Luna?" Harry said and thought about the best way to describe her. "Have you heard someone described as seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses?"

Zoe nodded having heard that about the universe, not any specific world.

Harry grinned, "Well my wife didn't exactly see through rose-tinted glasses, but she did see the world with her own special decoder ring. She could see straight to the core of something the rest of us were just scratching the surface of. Passing acquaintances frequently thought she was mad as a hatter. Close friends found her odd but with moments of brilliant insight. I just saw her as close to perfection as I've ever seen."

"Perfection, huh?" Zoe smirked. "And yet she married you?"

"Everyone's got faults and flaws," Harry argued and flashed a cheeky childish grin. "Though I could never fault her taste."

"So what were her faults and flaws?" Zoe asked trying to imagine someone affecting Harry this deeply.

"She never let what other people thought of her bother her. Ever." Harry admitted. "Marrying me made that a pretty damn good habit. But sometimes it bothered me. I wish she'd stood up for herself or could see that she was as wonderful as I kept telling her." Harry sighed and added, "I may have over-compensated for her because she didn't stand up for herself. There were never any rumors or whispers when I was around. I remember one time she scolded me when I met her for lunch. She complained that I should have been running late, because the two girls in the booth behind us were gossiping about her and doing funny impressions. They spotted me upon my arrival, which led to them stopping and forcibly acting casual. When my wife explained the reasoning to me, and the ladies in the booth behind realized they'd been overhead, they chucked some money on the table and left the restaurant extremely quickly." Harry smiled at the thought before frowning a little. "She was saddened that she didn't get to hear them mock her anymore."

Zoe raised a curious eyebrow. "It sounds like a lot of people picked on her."

Harry nodded, "In school, most people called her 'Loony'. It wasn't exactly with the same warmth that I used. But she never let anything like that bother her. I used to think she was all sad and secretly upset about these things and wore the 'loony' façade to throw them off. You know, make a show that it didn't affect her? But it really didn't. When they'd call her 'loony' to try and hurt her feelings she would be reminded of me calling her 'loony' affectionately. Again, being married to me, that sort of outlook is almost necessary at times, but in those times I thought about what if I hadn't been me, I worried for her."

"Was being married to you that much more difficult than anyone else?" Zoe asked curiously.

Harry paused and sipped the last of his whiskey from the bottle. He admitted, "Yeah, it was. Where I come from, I was something of a celebrity, which meant my actions were more often than not in the papers. Everything I did and everyone I did it with were also under constant scrutiny." Harry waited a moment and asked, "You're really drunk, right?"

Zoe nodded and sipped her whiskey because she didn't want Harry to stop.

"Because that reminded me of another flaw of hers," Harry said with a sigh. "She forgave me too easily. When we got married, I promised to always protect her, and always be there for her." Harry took a deep breath and softly added, "I failed on that promise."

Zoe just nodded silently, not wanting to interrupt.

"We'd been married fifteen years already, and I was a bit cocky when it came to my own abilities." Harry explained as his eyes began to water. "Just the two of us were out walking around. I was looking at… something. I don't remember what, but she was there, and then next thing I realize she was gone. She'd been kidnapped right under my nose. I knew we'd always be targets for as long as we both lived, but time just made me complacent." Harry was wiping his eyes just remembering the torrent of emotions he went through that day.

Zoe couldn't take the waiting and asked, "What happened?"

Harry looked up, into Zoe's eyes and sighed. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a second bottle of whiskey. He cracked it open and downed several mouthfuls. "I uhh... I killed fifty three men that day."

Whatever Zoe was expecting to hear, that was not it. She saw Harry was seriously affected by this but it was just too much to believe.

"Thank Merlin, she hadn't been hurt," Harry admitted. "They'd sealed her into a pretty comfortable room, as far as kidnappings go, but it could have been so much worse. If I'd not gotten there when I did, who knows what would have happened. And when I finally found her and got to her, I looked a mess. My adrenaline was running off the charts and I was covered in other people's blood. She just smiled at me and hugged me. She said she knew I was coming and that I didn't need to fret over it so much."

Harry sighed loudly again. "She said I did my husbandly duties, and there was nothing to forgive. But I still haven't forgiven myself for that one." Harry took a big swig of his bottle and set it back down. "But on the plus side, no one ever tried to kidnap her again after that." Harry chuckled lightly and saw Zoe wasn't particularly amused. He honestly admitted, "I still miss her… so much."

"How long were you married?" Zoe asked thinking it wasn't going to be any sort of answer she'd appreciate.

Harry looked up and saw the doubt on Zoe's face. "Well, seeing as you have so many doubts as to how much of this conversation is the alcohol and how much is truth, I don't mind telling you we had one hundred and fifteen wonderful years together. And no, it's never enough."

Zoe nodded, sharing in the sad smile Harry was wearing. "I miss Wash so… you know? Sometimes it feels like I miss him more now, than I loved him when he was here. I know that sounds awful but-"

"It doesn't sound awful," Harry admitted shaking his head. "You need to realize those aren't even different things. Missing him now is how you love him."

Zoe sniffled and accepted Harry's words as truth when they made so much sense. They two sat quietly looking at their bottles and each other. Zoe let out a breath and smiled. "So what now? Have we _shared_ enough of our pain?"

"I think we'd better call it a night, as I don't know how much longer I'm going to stay conscious," Harry said shaking his empty whiskey bottle in the air and capping the unfinished one.

Zoe moved to stand up and immediately regretted it. "Oh tomorrow should be lovely."

"Easy there," Harry calmed her. "You know…" Harry smirked as his eyes started feeling heavy. "I may be able to help you avoid a hangover, but you'd have to trust me."

Zoe was still trying to steady herself and was not having much success. "If you can keep me from getting a hangover, I'll trust you until the end of time."

Harry just flashed her a thumbs up and silently sent a stunner, not really trusting his motor functions and remembering a drunken _Slupefry_ accident. The stunner may have been weak, but it was enough for its purpose and Zoe slumped forward unconscious. Deciding his fun was over, Harry cast a half dozen sobering charms on himself. He stood up and found himself not dizzy nor drunk, but still exhausted and tired. He cast a couple of stronger sobering charms on Zoe, and even cast a couple on the snoring Captain. Harry levitated Zoe behind him as he sleepily stumbled back towards her bunk. He deposited her in the bed and threw a blanket over her, but figured she'd rather sleep in her clothes than think Harry undressed her. Even if magically, it didn't require much and that was one spell Harry had thoroughly mastered even completely inebriated.

A bleary Harry started to trek back towards the bridge, reminding himself to juice up River's mind shield first thing.

Jayne was sticking his sleepy head out of his room, yawned loudly, and asked the passing man, "Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Did I just see you walk into the wall over there a few minutes ago?"

Harry looked towards where Jayne seemed to be blindly pointing and admitted, "Probably."

"With Zoe floating behind you?"

"Err… you might have."

"So that wasn't a hallucination?"

Harry stopped his slow walk back and replied, "No, let's go with hallucination for now."

"If I was hallucinating, why'd I hallucinate Zoe floating behind you as you walked into a wall?"

"Well because I'm way too exhausted to carry her," Harry said over a yawn. "I thought that was obvious."

"That would explain it," Jayne agreed feeling better.

"Night Jayne."

"Night Harry."

"Oh and Jayne?" Harry added as he began heading forward again. "I think you're very pretty. And I also think you're still hallucinating."

Jayne sighed loudly as he rubbed crust from his eyes. "Thanks Harry, or hallucination person whoever you are," he said as he turned back around towards his bed. "I guess the homo dreams are back." Jayne reluctantly admitted as he ambled towards his bed. "It's almost not worth having buttocks this sculpted."

Jayne scratched himself and decided this called for more sleep.


	13. CHAPTER TWELVE: Standard Operating

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER TWELVE – Standard Operating Procedure**

Kaylee walked into the dining area and saw her boss sleeping on the table. She glanced back towards her boyfriend as he followed behind her. She filled a glass with water while Simon was peeking at the crusted drool sealing the Captain's cheek to the table it was laying on.

Kaylee leaned forward closer to Mal and cheerfully greeted far louder than was necessary, "Good morning, Captain!"

"Whuzzah?" Mal blurted out jerking his head up as his cheek scruff made a wet tearing sound and he yelped at the pain. "What? What's going on?"

Kaylee was just smiling and handed him the glass of water. "For your headache."

Mal took the glass gratefully and guzzled half of the thing down soothing his parched throat. He blinked a bit as his pupils were still adjusting to the light. "What headache?"

Kaylee's face showed her surprise and she asked, "No hangover? Really?"

Mal tasted the inside of his own mouth and he drank some more water. "I don't think so." Mal sat the glass down and stood up. He wobbled a bit at first as his muscles adjusted but he stretched his arms and legs and sat back down. "Not drunk anymore," Mal stated before a big yawn. "Guess it's just my lucky day."

"Morning, sir," Zoe said entering the dining room with a smile. "How's your headache?"

"Don't have one," Mal replied looking at Zoe curiously. "Must be my lucky day." The Captain paused for a moment scrutinizing his second in command and commenting, "Zoe, you know, you got something funny on your face there."

Zoe rubbed at her cheeks while noticing all the dried white spittle stuck on Mal's face and held in her snickers. "What's that, sir?"

"A smile," Mal replied with a grin, unaware the directions his hair was sticking in and how silly he looked.

Zoe's smile didn't falter for a moment as she retorted. "I've also got a gun, sir. In my holster. Loaded. With bullets."

"Yes you do," Mal agreed. "And I've seen that many times. It's just nice to see you with a smile for once. Feeling better today?"

Zoe nodded as her mind was still sorting through the details she remembered. "Yes sir, much better."

"Good," Mal grinned. "No headache?"

"No hangover at all," Zoe grinned back.

Mal smirked and nodded. "That's great. Now then, tell me," Mal's smile vanished and was replaced by righteous indignation. "Why the _go tsao de_ did you leave me out here to get awoken and laughed at by the others?"

"Sir?" Zoe asked through her chuckling.

"You're up and clean, so I'm guessing you didn't get Cheery McSmiles-a-lot's loud wake-up call." Mal argued.

"Hey!" Kaylee sputtered.

Simon turned to his girlfriend. "_That_ offended you?"

Kaylee stopped and realized that wasn't exactly insulting. "Cheery. That's a pretty name."

"It's too early for this!" Mal whined.

"It's twenty after eleven," Simon exclaimed after checking his watch.

"Really?" Mal said looking around at the three nodding heads. "Well then why didn't you wake me when you got up!"

Zoe shrugged. "I just woke up twenty minutes ago. I'm still trying to piece together what parts of last night were the alcohol, and what parts were Harry. Not sure how I got to bed."

"Maybe because Harry took ya," Jayne announced as he entered the dining area. "Morning Zoe. Morning…" Jayne stopped and did a double-take. "Damn Mal. Rough night?"

"Not too bad at all," Mal corrected him unaware his present state of appearance indicated otherwise. "And what do you mean Harry?"

"He and I talked for a while after you'd passed out," Zoe explained and turned to Jayne. "Did he take me to bed?"

"Maybe," Jayne shrugged. "Though I thought he walked there while you floated in the air behind him."

"She was floating in the air?" Simon clarified.

Jayne scratched his head. "Well it explains how she got to bed."

"It just raises the question of how a sleeping person could… _float_ in the air."

"Maybe I hallucinated that part," Jayne seemed to consider.

"Yeah," Simon said with a nod. "Maybe."

"What did you two talk about?" Mal looked at Zoe with a frown.

"I think he said I was pretty," Jayne replied rubbing his chin in thought.

"I was asking Zoe," Mal corrected looking at Jayne oddly. "And please don't tell me any more of that conversation."

Jayne looked a bit embarrassed having misunderstood the question and perhaps sharing something more than he should have.

Simon opened his mouth to say something to Jayne then shut it abruptly. He turned to his girlfriend and opened his mouth again, before just admitting, "I don't feel very comfortable right now. I'm going to go."

Kaylee just snickered as Simon span around and made haste to leave the room.

Jayne, as expected, misinterpreted Kaylee's giggling. "Hey!" He called out as he followed Simon. "I told you about those dreams in confidence. Doctor-patient privilege you said!"

Kaylee stopped snickering and left her jaw hanging in surprise.

Mal watched the pair leave and commented, "And there's another conversation I don't want to know any more about."

"Did Jayne just…" Kaylee seemed at a loss for words.

"Yeah he did," Mal quickly replied. "Now what's this about Harry?"

Zoe was quite amused by this morning so far, and it only seemed to brighten her mood. "Nothing, sir. Just after you passed out last night, Harry joined me in drinking and we talked for a bit."

"What did you find out?" Kaylee grinned anxiously. "Did the alcohol loosen his lips and reveal some of the deep dark secrets of our new pilot?"

Zoe saw how excited Kaylee was and how upset Mal was getting. "With Harry, it's always hard to tell what's on the level and what's… unbelievable."

"Unbelievable-but-true unbelievable?" Kaylee retorted. "Or just plain unbelievable?"

Zoe was carefully considering her words, as she realized she didn't want to violate any trust Harry had placed in her, or secrets he wouldn't want to reveal. She weighed how to best respond and admitted, "Did you know fifteen years after Harry got married, his wife was kidnapped?"

Kaylee's grin faltered as she looked at Zoe oddly.

Zoe smiled and nodded. "Yeah, he rescued her shortly after and killed fifty-three people that day." Zoe shrugged. "Unless that's the whiskey talking."

"Kayleeeee!" Simon's voice begged from somewhere towards the back of the ship.

Kaylee smiled and waved goodbye to Mal and Zoe. "I think I need to go save my boyfriend." She squeezed Zoe's hand in a comforting manner as she left. "It _is_ good to see you smiling."

Mal frowned now the more and more he saw Zoe's good mood. "You didn't sleep with him, did you?" Zoe's eyes' flaring was all the answer he needed as he threw up his arms and ducked his head to protect himself. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I just… needed to know."

Zoe closed her eyes and ground her teeth together. "Listen, _Sir_," she spat out the honorific as if it disgusted her. "Even if I did, it would be none of you _gorram_ business. The idea is ridiculous. The fact that you were worried enough to voice your concern disappoints me to no end. And I would have drawn my gun just over the lack of respect for my husband, if I weren't already in such a _gorram good mood_!"

Mal winced and shrunk back with every exclamation Zoe made, regretting his stupid insinuation each time. He started to apologize but was interrupted by Zoe raising her hand to stop him. "I've had enough of you ruining my good mood for now, so respectfully sir, shut up." Zoe turned to leave and added, "You might want to know that I believe Harry is the reason we don't have headaches or hangovers." She left Mal sitting there alone and decided this might be a good time to talk to Inara. Inara always loved to complain and rip into the Captain.

Mal was still oblivious to his crusty cheek and messed hair everywhere. "Ah _gos se_. It's going to be _that_ kind of lucky day."

* * *

"Harry?" The Captain called out walking onto the bridge. Mal turned towards the cot just in time to catch a ham cube in the eye. 

"_Tah-mah-duh huun-dan_!" Mal cursed quietly as he hunched over and rubbed his ham-juice-irritated eye. "What the rut was that?"

River appeared right next to the Captain startling him. She whispered conspiratorially to Mal, "I don't know how he's aiming. But he refused to give me the bag."

River silently skulked to the other side of the room. "Harry?" she called out loudly.

Mal watched what appeared to be a sleeping Harry reach into his coat in front of him, and whip his hand back slinging a ham cube over his shoulder, directly at River. River hopped up and snagged the small piece of processed pork out of the air with her open mouth. She walked right over towards Mal, chewing up the small morsel. "It's uncanny," she whispered to Mal.

River stopped her walking just in front of the confused Captain still rubbing his eye. Again River called out, "Harry?"

Mal saw the sleeping man mechanically reach into the jacket pocket, just as River ducked to the ground. He barely realized what was going on when his good eye was viciously assaulted by another ham cube.

"_Wun de tyen, ah_!" Mal exclaimed loudly. "What the hell is going on? Harry!"

River's eyes were twinkling slightly as she settled herself gracefully into the co-pilot's chair.

Harry jumped up from the cot and snapped his head back and forth. "Whuzzah?" His entire body shivered and was immediately replaced with a far more focused and aware looking young man. "Captain! You look awful! Are you alright?"

Mal stopped rubbing his two reddened watery eyes and just gave Harry an incredulous look.

Harry saw River restraining an imperceptible smile with an air of innocence no one would believe. "Sir? Have you seen a mirror since you woke up?"

"No Harry, I haven't," Mal snapped back irritably. "And with the way you're chucking ham cubes I may never see one again!"

Harry gulped and mentally moved River's name a little higher on his revenge to-do list. "I'm so sorry, Captain. I thought you were River bugging me for the hundredth time while I was trying to sleep."

"Yeah," Mal replied sounded a bit more understanding. "I figured that much out. Listen Harry, it's fine. I just… I was wanting to talk to you."

"Sure, what's up?" Harry asked as he pulled a shirt on and put on his trusty coat.

"I…" Mal faltered and looked at River just staring at him curiously. "I…"

River rolled her eyes and got up. "Oh fine. I'll leave you little boys alone."

Mal was shocked. "You can do that?"

River grinned as she walked away exclaiming, "I'd go crazy if I couldn't get away from that thing." She was jerking her thumb towards Harry as she left to go check on her brother.

Harry shook his head and smiled at Mal. "Yes. Whatever would we do if she went crazy?"

Mal showed no response to the irony of the words and just let his watery eyes focus.

Harry was digging into one of his coat pockets, thinking he had a mirror in it. He explained, "We've got it to the point where I can be away from River for about four hours without needing to reinforce her mind shield." Harry handed Mal the pocket mirror. "Here you go."

"That's good news," Mal admitted before letting out a choking "_gahh_" sound as he caught sight of his pinkish eyes, crusted-over cheek, and hair sticking up like angled mohawk.

"Yup," Harry agreed. "It looks a bit like you passed out and slept on a table."

Mal handed Harry his mirror back and said, "Come talk to me while I wash up."

Harry followed the Captain back, wondering what he wanted to talk about. Harry looked around the Captain's bunk for the first time and idly thought 'spartan' would have been a generous description for it. Mal was splashing water on his face and cheek at his fold-out sink, while Harry inspected the few photos in the room. Harry saw one with most of the crew, including both Zoe's husband Wash, and a religious man Harry guessed was Shepherd Book. Harry's eyes focused on one of a much younger Sergeant Malcolm Reynolds in uniform along with Corporal Zoe and most likely several other members of the Balls and Bayonet Brigade.

"There's no one I'd rather have on my six than her," Mal said from behind Harry.

Harry turned around and saw Mal was looking much better, and his wet hair was at least laying flat. "You mind if I wash up, Captain?"

Mal stepped back and waved Harry over to his sink.

Harry was splashing the water on his face feeling a bit more alert after his rough sleep had been interrupted. "What's on your mind, Captain?"

"I did something real stupid this morning," Mal announced settling himself on the bed.

Harry dried off his face and turned to Mal. "How stupid?"

"I asked Zoe if she slept with you," Mal replied watching for Harry's response.

Harry groaned and shook his head. "That's pretty stupid."

"Yup."

"Certainly none of your business."

"This is my boat, and as it pertains to-"

Harry ignored Mal's attempt at a defense and added. "And on her anniversary too."

Mal stopped his argument and shut up.

"Even after the pair of you tried to drown your sorrows together."

"I know what happened, Harry."

"I'm just saying."

"I know."

"That's _really_ stupid."

"I realize that."

"Zoe didn't want to talk to you, I take it?"

"I've ruined enough of her good mood already apparently."

Harry smiled. "I'm glad to hear she's in a good mood." Harry paused and quickly added, "Or at least was."

Mal sighed and looked up at Harry.

"Ahh," Harry nodded finally understanding. "It was my conversation with her that put her in a good mood, and since you're incapable of apologizing to her right now, you figure you'll apologize to the other party, her for-the-moment newest best friend."

"Something like that," Mal tiredly admitted. "Yeah."

"I've got a pretty tough hide. You don't need to worry about me." Harry waved him off. "And you know Zoe a lot better than I do, but even I know she'll get over this just fine."

"Yeah," Mal replied quietly. "She will."

"Relax, sir," Harry consoled him. "You are a male and as far as she is concerned, a superior officer. Stupid things are to be expected on occasion. I'll be sure and tell her you poured your heart out to me."

"Now hang on-"

"You begged me."

"I didn't-"

"She'll laugh and know that's a bit of an exaggeration, but enjoy the mental image. She'll forgive you and be treating you normally before lunchtime."

Mal paused and seemed a bit hopeful at the expediency of the process. "Really?"

Harry smiled at Mal's apprehensive question. "Yes, really. But you need to remember we all do stupid things so that we learn from them, and do not do them again."

"I figured that part out."

"Zoe's been depressed over losing her husband," Harry explained.

"I hardly think that's unexpected," Mal retorted. "Even after a couple years."

"True, but you've been making it worse for her."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing intentional, don't think I'm trying to accuse you here. But the problem is how much of the fun in her life, the balance she sought out and found enjoyment in things, came from Wash. You've been probably continuing on thinking the normalcy and routine of life will help her through her grief and mourning."

Mal stopped and again felt like a student of life from a boy younger than him.

"But without the happiness in her life, she's not getting that balance again." Harry continued. "She needs to have more fun, and do more of the fun things she used to do with Wash."

"I think I've already tread too far into that territory." Mal wryly commented.

"Not that," Harry waved him off. "The other stuff, the things that give you a reason to smile and laugh. I've been in River's mind. I've seen how differently Zoe acts when it's just River around. You just need to remember all the times Wash pulled Zoe away for a night on the town, or a day at the spa. Without him, she's not getting out and doing as many of the things that made her smile."

Mal could see what Harry was saying, and wondered aloud, "When did you become such a Zoe expert?"

Harry shrugged. "We talked for probably three hours early this morning. It was fun getting to hear about meeting Wash, and Serenity's first couple years with just you and Bester around."

"She talked about _Wash_?" Mal asked incredulously.

Harry nodded. "I'm guessing the whiskey helped a fair amount, but yeah, she did." Harry saw Mal looked almost irritated at the idea and broached the unspoken tension. "Listen, Captain, I can tell you're worried I'm going to replace you as Zoe's friend. Simon's always looking at me like I'm going to replace him as River's older brother, and River's always looking at me like I'm going to replace her as the dangerous and touched in the head pilot."

Mal held in a snort having already assigned Harry that last title.

"I'm not here to replace anyone," Harry said. "I'm just trying to fit in. There are going to be areas where, as unlikely as it may seem, I have far more expertise and understanding than any of the rest of the crew. You let me know if I'm crossing a line. This is your boat, and you are the Captain."

Mal felt pride every time he heard that. "And you seem to keep making yourself more useful." He said with a smile. "Now you claim you can get Zoe treating me normally before lunchtime? Because it's just about noon now."

Harry grinned and walked over to an intercom and pressed the button. "Zoe?" Harry echoed throughout the ship. "Please meet me in the dining area at your earliest convenience."

Harry led Mal back towards the area and they arrived just as Zoe and Inara walked in. Zoe's smile dropped from her face and she held an expression lacking all emotion when she saw Mal. "Thank you for whatever hangover cure that was," Zoe stoically intoned towards Harry.

"My pleasure," Harry grinned and saw Inara was making no effort to hide her displeasure towards Mal. "Anyways, I just thought you should know the Captain came up to me, lamenting how stupid he had been this morning, and basically poured out his heart to me."

"That must not have taken very long," Zoe said coldly without even glancing at Mal.

"He was very open, honest, and vulnerable," Harry argued while his eyes were twinkling in delight. "It was really quite pathetic. He was even begging me for forgiveness."

Zoe's mouth twitched for a moment.

Harry nodded. "I've talked it over with the Captain, and I got him to agree to go down on his knees and admit that he was being terribly stupid, it will never happen again, and then…" Harry paused and considered for a moment, tilting his head. "Pay for you and Inara to spend the rest of the day at the nicest spa in Persephone. I assured him that you would probably be willing to admit that he _is_ a member of the male gender and therefore, these occasional cases of idiocy are beyond his control."

Zoe was clearly fighting a smile. "On his knees? Really?"

"Now hang on a second-" Mal whispered angrily at Harry.

"I'm listening," Zoe said calmly staring at the Captain.

"Zoe," Mal began. "You know I-"

Zoe turned towards Harry and frowned. "This doesn't look like his knees to me."

"Fine!" Mal snapped and fell to his knees. He banged them harder than he was expecting and yelped a little in pain. He was rewarded with not any looks of sympathy, but two vindictive smiles and an innocent expression of mischief from Harry. "Zoe," he began again. "You know I didn't mean it the way it came out. I am sorry. I am stupid... and it won't happen again."

Zoe's hard expression seemed to relax for a moment and she agreed. "I know it won't. Now get up, sir. You look ridiculous down there."

Mal accepted Zoe's offered hand of help as he rose back up to his feet. He was rubbing his right knee, "Think I banged my kneecap out of place."

Zoe made no smarmy comment and seemed to almost sympathize with him. She held out her hand expectantly.

Mal looked at it in confusion. "What's that?"

"I need money to pay for our spa," Zoe replied. "I wouldn't think the nicest one in these parts is very cheap either."

Mal gave Harry a dirty look, who just smiled innocently in response. "At least you don't have to carry her shopping bags," Harry replied making his vengeful irony abundantly clear.

"Let me get it from my bunk," Mal reluctantly agreed and left Harry alone with the two women.

"So I get a free day at the spa too?" Inara inquired with a wicked grin.

Harry shook his head. "Nope. You get a day at the spa in exchange for joining us on a little job robbing Blue Sun."

"Zoe told me," Inara assured him. "You think it'll be as easy as it sounds?"

Harry laughed. "Of course not! It's never that easy!"

"Harry," Zoe smiled and shook her head. "This one is your idea. You're supposed to be a beacon of unwavering optimism."

"Well," Harry admitted. "It _should_ work just fine. But I know enough to know it's never as easy as it sounds."

"I'm in," Inara admitted. "I think we could use a little fun around here."

"Excellent!" Harry cheered. "In that case, you two lovely ladies should be ready for a late dinner tonight. I'll cook."

Mal returned with a small pouch of platinum. He handed it to Zoe, "I'm hoping for some change."

"You know Captain," Zoe retorted taking the money from him. "You can keep all your hopes in one hand and then-"

"Say 'thank you,' Zoe," Harry interrupted loudly knowing exactly where the snippy widow was headed.

"Thank you, sir," Zoe did reminding herself that Mal was a man and an idiot. "And thank you, Harry." Zoe turned around and hooked arms with Inara as they left for the rest of the day.

"Don't forget to be back for a late dinner! Let's say eleven!" Harry called out to them. Both girls waved back indicating that they heard him and continued on whispering to each other.

"We're having dinner at eleven?" Mal asked, momentarily putting off berating Harry.

Harry nodded. "Yup. We should stay up pretty late tonight and sleep through most of the day tomorrow."

"Inara agreed?"

Harry nodded triumphantly. "Yes sir, tomorrow night we're going to work for Blue Sun."

"I don't want any surprises Harry," Mal said accepting Harry's proclamation.

"Me neither," Harry replied. "So I thought you and me would get together with Frank today and make sure everything's all set."

"Oh joy," Mal sighed. "It must be my lucky day."

* * *

"Everyone knows what they're doing?" Harry clarified to the seven faces staring back at him as the group of eight trekked towards the ration pack processing plant on Three Hills. 

Murmurs of agreement and small nodding were his only reply.

"Everyone remembers their new names and histories?" Harry asked. "More than likely we won't need them, but better to play it safe."

Jayne spoke up proudly, "I'd just like to reiterate how much I appreciate the effort Mr. Universe put into picking our names."

"Oh no you don't," Harry's fancy communicator called out. "Don't you blame me for this one. Those names were all picked by Harry."

"You shut up, you liar," Harry snapped back at the device in his hand. "I'm real. I exist in the physical world. You just want them to like you, so you make up lies."

"Can't we just pick new names?" Inara asked again.

"No, you can't," Mr. Universe's voice called out from Harry's handheld device. "These are the names Harry chose way back when I began creating work profiles for all of you. It'd be too suspicious if you all had personnel reports at the same time, so I've been randomly inserting them over the past five days."

"These are the names _you_ chose," Harry chided towards his communicator looking like a crazy spoiled child. "And besides, my name is Larry."

"I'm Rambo," Jayne cheered happily.

"Yes Rambo," Simon tiredly said. "We know you like your name."

"Rambo," Jayne said again.

"And just for the record," River added. "I'd like to say that I do not believe artificial intelligence has regressed to the point that they make bad puns."

"Bad puns?" Harry asked in mock confusion. "Oh, I get it! Your name is Brooke, like a stream or _babbling_ brook, another name for a small river. Geez, Frank, you're trying awfully hard to be clever, aren't you?"

"No! You're trying too hard to be clever, you lying sack of meat!"

"Listen, digital boy," Harry snapped back. "You're the one-"

"Children!" Mal hissed loudly. "Please. We're here. Now be quiet and behave."

"The Captain's right," Harry agreed, dropping his immature anger and began acting serious. "Now we'll be walking past the second shift getting off work, and they're probably tired and quiet. So just nod, grunt, and try not to say anything stupid."

"He's talking to you, Rambo," Zoe deadpanned at Jayne.

Jayne frowned playfully. "Oh whatever, Bri-"

"Don't say it," Zoe spat out in a whisper, cursing her lack of weapon at the moment.

Everyone readjusted their security badges and nametags, feeling the nervousness of committing a good crime and doing it without a single gun.

Harry led the way in, while everyone else just followed him with their heads down. Harry made eye contact with the dozen or so people they walked past and just kept nodding them silent greetings.

They received a few grunts in reply, but no words were exchanged other than Jayne quietly muttering "Rambo."

The second shift workers were exiting the security checkpoint when a short Chinese looking man with thick glasses and a clipboard walked right up to them.

"Mr. Johnson?" Harry greeted the man with a smile.

"That's me," he happily replied. "Dick Johnson, chief foreman for third shift today, at your service. Though my friends all call me Wang."

"Wang?" Mal asked before he could stop himself.

The short man nodded eagerly. "I used to work with another Dick and two other Johnsons so they just called me by my mother's maiden name. Now, which one of you is Larry Lovegood?"

River couldn't hold in a snort, having not realized what Harry's last name was going to be. Harry snapped an angry stare at her, before raising his hand and putting on a fake smile. "Guilty as charged, Wang. I'm Larry," Harry said extending his arm to shake hands with the little guy. "Let me introduce you to some of my friends here. The bloated looking one with the chubby sinuses and all the snorting problems is Brooke. She's a sweetheart deep down, but this time of the month she's as pleasant as a hippo in a glass museum." Harry explained honestly to his new friend Wang, as he slung his arm around the shorter man's shoulder.

Harry ignored River's thinned lips and dangerous stare. "Next to her is the most bubbly cup of stinksap you'll ever find. That there's Gay," Harry said pointing to Kaylee. "She's awful sweet on the only member of our team who still lives with his mother, Oglethorpe over there."

Simon forced himself to smile, though he was breathing loudly through his nostrils.

"Next to him, in that dashing and cunning hat, which he knows is not allowed on the workroom floor, is the muscle of our crew. His name is Rambo," Harry said nodding at Jayne.

"Rambo," Jayne cheered back at Harry.

"Nice to meet you Rambo," Wang said with a smile, pleased to see someone who was not purpling silently in anger.

"Rambo," Jayne said in lieu of a proper greeting back.

"Next we have the newlyweds who just got back from their honeymoon last weekend," Harry grinned pointing to Mal and Inara. "Mr. and Mrs. Sal and LaQueesha Azar."

Wang just nodded uncertainly, while Mal looked at Harry in frustration mouthing, "Newlyweds?"

"And last but certainly not least," Harry grinned and pointed to a clearly unamused Zoe, "is a very good friend of mine, who has never been a big fan of her name, so we just call her Peaches."

Zoe's eyes widened and she bit the inside of her lip to keep herself from saying anything she might regret.

Wang looked at Zoe and then back to Harry. His curiosity got the better of him and he asked, "Not that it's any of my business, but I was wondering why you don't like your name?"

Zoe glared at Harry but held a pleasant smile for Wang. "I'm sorry Mr. Johnson, but it's kind of personal."

"You know what?" Harry jumped in. "Why don't we finish the paperwork in your office, Wang?" Harry leaned down towards Wang and whispered like they were best friends in on a private joke. "I'll tell you everything in there."

Wang waved to the unsmiling group of seven, who seemed to be grinding their teeth in rhythm with the tall man who kept repeating his own name. Wang whispered back to Harry as they walked, "So what _is_ her name?"

Harry smiled back at Zoe and made sure she could hear him when he answered back, "Who... Peaches? Oh that's just Brittany Britney Cocoapuff."

Wang shivered as heard it. "Ouch. I can see why. Wait, did she used to make... you know, _movies_?"

The pair disappeared into a closed door meeting.

Mal just shook his head. "When did this become a good idea?"

"Oh have a little faith," Harry grinned exiting the office after barely two seconds in there. "We're all good here. Frank?"

Harry's communicator spoke up again for the first time. "Everyone's checked out past security. You guys are good to go."

"See? Smooth as ice," Harry grinned. "River, you and Kaylee are to quietly go back and bring Serenity around to the loading docks. The rest of you are with me. You all know where you're supposed to be?"

"Rambo!" Jayne cheered.

"What about Wang?" Mal asked.

Harry shook his head. "What about him? I've gotten all the information out of him that we need. He's going to piece it all together when first shift comes around, and he'll be unconscious until then."

"You were in there less than three seconds!" Mal snapped.

"I'm good," Harry said with a shrug. He motioned back towards the assembly area with his head. "Come on. Let's get to work."

They all knew their roles and they were trained in their positions. Inara was prepping the first machine that spat out the processed bricks of food. Simon's job was to first fire up the generator and get power going to the entire system, and then assist Inara in cranking them out. Mal was working alone in the middle, maintaining the shrink-wrap and ensuring the federal government stamp never mysteriously turned itself on. Jayne and Zoe were at the end of the line, boxing, loading, and moving. Harry's job was to stick with Mr. Universe and go back and forth to all the areas as needed.

Naturally, Simon's repeated tries with the generator couldn't get a connection started, and Harry had to get obtuse and useless directions from Mr. Universe on how to start it. After shaking his head and ignoring Mr. Universe yelling out the instructions to igniting this particular generator, Harry just kicked the thing hard-enough to dent his steel toed boot. The generator began chugging loudly as the entire working area lit up with light and sound.

Next Harry was calming down a neurotic Companion who was acting as though there was theme music cheering her on. The first few substances to come out of the machine were more of a pink soupy mess than anything recognizable or solid. A few choice words with his communicator and Harry kicked that machine really hard as well.

Mal was making a pained face as he was trying to clean up the colorful sludge that was clogging and bottlenecking his area. Harry was tempted to kick the table legs, but that would just send the pink mess flying, probably up and onto the Captain's face and occasionally open mouth. While highly entertaining, this was an idea Harry elected to pass on for the moment.

Jayne and Zoe were waiting at the end of the line with pallets, a forklift, work gloves, an eager smile and one emotionless stoic look of mild disinterest. Jayne gave Harry a thumbs-up, and Harry could tell that Jayne was still thinking the word "Rambo" even if he'd finally stopped saying it aloud.

Within ten minutes they had things running smoothly, and the first pallet was already two rows deep. Things were actually coming together.

River and Kaylee showed up and helped Zoe and Jayne loading up the boxes. There were a few hiccups along the way, with the vast majority fixed by Harry's steel toed boots, but in just under two hours they had the first pallet filled to the brim. Jayne manned the forklift and loaded it onto Serenity to the sound of applause and cheers.

They spent another hour and a half filling their second pallet. They were finishing up and debating whether to do a third when Mr. Universe's voice broke through the joyous mood. "Harry! We got a problem here. A bad problem."

"What's up?" Harry said grabbing his communicator immediately. "I'm listening."

"There's no government flight plan, coordination, or logs of any incoming forces, but an Alliance protected vehicle snuck up on us cloaked and just showed up on the short range sensors. You've got company heading your way any second now, and if they're Alliance, _not_ Blue Sun, but off the books, then it's probably…"

Harry looked up just in time to see a very confident looking Chinese man dressed like a warrior. Harry finished Mr. Universe's sentence announcing, "An operative."

The Chinese man raised an eyebrow at Harry and immediately startled with recognition at the sight of River Tam. When he turned towards her, Harry saw behind the man and immediately corrected himself. "Make that _two_ operatives."


	14. CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Scary Harry

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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* * *

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**CHAPTER THIRTEEN – Scary Harry **

"Captain," Harry whispered back. "As unlikely as it may seem, let me deal with this. The rest of you keep working."

Mal frowned and reluctantly agreed. "Considering you're probably the only one with any sort of a weapon," Mal whispered back looking at the two very similar Chinese men. The two operatives were in fact wearing the same outfits other than one had green accents where the other had blue. Mal turned to Harry and patronizingly added, "Nice call on that one by the way."

"Thanks," Harry accepted the praise happily.

Mal eyed Harry for a moment and continued, "_Considering_, I think if you got a plan, we got to follow it. But please, Harry… tell me you got this."

Harry's smug certainty was in full effect and he explained, "Oh don't worry. _I _got this. Trust me."

"Right," Mal sighed and agreed turning back to tell the rest to continue finishing the second pallet. He assigned the Kaylee the job of keeping Simon on a tight leash.

"Miss Tam," the operative in blue announced. "Your presence here is as surprising as it is volatile."

The one in green was looking around at all the other crew members and had stopped to stare at Harry.

"Can I hurt him?" River pleadingly snarled holding the stare of the operative in blue.

"River, no!" Harry scolded her like a disobedient pet. "First we should see if we can't find a diplomatic solution."

"I am not a man of diplomacy," the man in blue replied keeping an eye on River while he turned to Harry. "But I am curious who it is that commands Miss Tam so easily."

Harry turned from his area down the assembly line and walked directly up to the infuriatingly calm operatives stopping less than ten feet from them. Harry clasped his hands together behind his back, addressing them formally. "You could say a man of diplomacy does. Though I think neither of us are naïve enough to believe anyone could tell River what to do."

Mal whispered towards Zoe and Jayne, "I don't suppose anyone thought to get one of their guns off the boat when we brought it around back."

"No guns," Harry insisted with a glance over his shoulder having apparently overheard a whisper from fifty feet away. Harry turned towards the two operatives whose attention was divided between River's manic bouncing and Harry's confident stance right before them.

Harry made sure he had eye contact and stated, "I need to know why you are here."

The one in blue looked at the one in green incredulously. He turned back to Harry with disbelief on his face, "You can _need_ all you like. That does not necessitate us telling you."

Harry waved off the one in blue. "Your ego's too big to be an effective operative." Harry shifted his posture and turned slightly to face the one in green. "Can you tell me why you are here?" Harry asked again as firmly and formally as before.

The one in green ignored the one in blue and answered the straight question, "Our older brother failed to call our mother when she was expecting a call. She told me her _mother's intuition_ felt something was wrong and asked us to investigate. I was training with my younger brother at the time and he agreed to join me." He glanced over at River, who was drifting about, though clearly prepared to attack. "But we certainly weren't expecting to locate River Tam."

"I didn't realize you were still looking for her," Harry argued with the operative in green. "I was under the impression she became low priority approximately two years ago."

The one in blue was getting irritated and demanded, "Who are you?"

Harry frowned at the interruption. "That was a rather abrupt change of our conversation, don't you think?"

The one in green didn't even look at the other operative, he just stared at Harry and quietly suggested, "I think he may be Harry Potter."

The operative in blue turned to his brother in green and raised a curious eyebrow. "The ghost?" He turned backed towards Harry. "Looks pretty real to me."

Harry became aware everyone had given up pretending to work in exchange for blatantly watching the confrontation the moment they said his name. He barked over his shoulder, "Finish up your jobs!" Harry feared he may have been overdoing it when he heard everyone jump into action and scurry away.

"Frank?" Harry asked into the air. "You got any ideas here?"

Before the communicator could speak up, the operative in green offered, "If Miss Tam goes peacefully, it will look favorable towards the rest of you. That's as diplomatic as we are capable of being." He seemed to understand his words were falling on deaf ears.

Harry chuckled shaking his head. "If you know Miss Tam, you know she _never_ goes peacefully."

"Really?" The operative in blue replied with a smirk. "I was under the impression she was very docile and easily controlled for a number of years. I was also led to believe that only occasionally was she even resistant."

The one in green ignored his brother and looked at Harry with a small grin. "It is refreshing that you seem to know exactly who we are and yet you still have supreme confidence in yourself. I do not hope you are mistakenly stalling for time."

Harry shook his head with a smile. "When you saw the transport ship, you sent out the call for immediate backup. They probably said it would be what… ten minutes?"

"Five," came the muffled voice in Harry's pocket.

"Five minutes," Harry corrected himself with a nod. "Yes, I'm sorry to say that your call did not get through. And none of your calls will get through. Your backup is not coming."

"He's bluffing," the one in blue announced.

"What can you hope to accomplish through diplomacy?" the one in green questioned. "Miss Tam will have to be taken, and all of you will _have_ to be tried."

"You misunderstand me," Harry explained as began to pace slowly in front of the two operatives. "I'm not searching for a diplomatic way to keep us out of trouble." Harry paused and looked right at the operatives with a dangerous smile. "I'm searching for reasons to let you live through this night."

The one in blue began to take Harry as a serious threat now, and calmly began to pace as well. "I think you may be overestimating yourself."

Harry shook his head. "There's that ego again. You don't even know me. You just assume yourself superior."

"Even if you are capable of what you are attempting to imply," the one in green argued. "You will find one of the first things an operative learns is that my life matters very little, especially as it is compared to my purpose."

"Which is why I'm struggling here," Harry admitted. "The life of an operative has negligible value. Perhaps even more to enemies than it has to allies."

The operative in green shook his head at Harry. "You are quibbling over small points and ignoring the larger impasse we are at."

Harry turned towards the man and inquired, "And that is?"

The one in green smiled at how open Harry was to hearing truth, even if it came from an opponent's mouth. "Your ability to leave this place freely. Or at least from your optimistic perspective, to leave here…" He considered his words and finished playfully, "without a fight."

"Is that all we need?" Harry said wryly with a smirk. "To fight you?" Harry turned towards River, who was still waiting to pounce. "River," Harry called out and saw her snap her head at Harry with a grin. Harry flashed a smile back and declared, "Non-lethal."

Before the operative in blue could get his arms up to shield himself, River tilted down and whipped a roundhouse kick across the agent's face that sent him reeling. She began bouncing on her feet, bursting with energy, adrenaline, and an itch to kick some ass.

The operative in blue recovered almost immediately and assumed a strong defensive position opposite her. River was up on the balls of her feet, as she kept rocking back and forth in restrained energy. Finally timing herself to the ticks of the machinery running behind her, she snapped into action at the operative. A weak near side kick was telegraphed and blocked, as she spun the weight of her tiny body around. She planted her right leg behind the operative and pinned his arms against his body. With a shoulder thrust and spinning backhand, she sent the man flying end over end, crashing down into a trash bin on the assembly floor.

River leapt gracefully into the air like a jungle cat. She got over four feet off the ground as she readied her knees and elbows and crashed right on the spot the operative in blue rolled over to vacate. He was back on his feet and circling around River.

Kaylee could feel her boyfriend's frustration and didn't want to let him interfere, so she grabbed a handful of his bum and kissed the snot out of him.

Harry held back the operative in green, with just a movement of his hand. Harry and the operative in green were watching the brutal display River and the other operative were putting on. The operative had regained his bearings, and he and River were blocking and defending each others' attacks with equal ferocity. Loud wet sounds accompanied every shot that connected solidly to the other's flesh.

Harry saw Kaylee had Simon sufficiently under control and turned to the operative standing cautiously next to him. "I'm slightly tempted to just pop right on over there, to demonstrate to you how fast I can be, and slam my boot down breaking your brother's leg. But that'd just be showing off. And I think we'd both rather that you don't get hurt."

"A goal that I do not expect Miss Tam to share," the operative in green remarked as River landed a solid punch to the back of the other man's ribs.

Harry tended to agree but only shrugged in response. "She's got all this excess energy. This just gives her a temporary outlet for it."

"Are not you and I to do battle as well now?" The man in green inquired of Harry.

Harry shook his head and crossed his arms, keeping on eye on River. "You know that's the problem with operatives. You're _too_ focused and determined. You dull the senses and lose your humanity."

The operative in green didn't seem to bristle or show any emotion, other than a mild interest in listening to Harry.

Harry continued to explain, "You are not agents of the government when you are this blind to everything else around you. You're merely tools to be wielded, free of independent thought. Because when you show independent thought, you are expelled from the program and often terminated. You're just an instrument not an agent or a representative. It's like fighting against a hammer. There's nothing to be gained from destroying the hammer."

The operative in green seemed to consider Harry's words and asked, "So how do you plan to defeat an instrument?"

"You outgrow and stop using them. They become outdated." Harry explained noticing Inara shutting down the machine she'd been manning, while Mal was also finishing up. "Like guns." Harry turned towards River and the other operative who were still sparring. "River? That's enough."

River's swing halted about an inch from contacting the operative's unprotected nose. She slowly backed away and walked over towards Harry, while Jayne was trying to unobtrusively load the finished second pallet onto Serenity. Harry nodded to Zoe, who flipped the switch on the generator and powered down the workroom floor. The loud whirring sounds slowly stopped and the lights flickered out leaving only the barest of emergency lighting and limited visibility.

The operative in blue was wiping the blood off his lip as he walked up next to his brother in green.

Harry turned towards them both, knowing he had their complete attention. "As operatives, you have learned all about focus and determination." Harry turned straight towards them both, his eyes glistening dangerously, while River just paced, catlike directly behind him. Without the machines running, nor the generator, the room echoed with an eerie silence. Harry whispered to them, "But you have a _lot_ to learn about power."

The two operatives both jerked forward onto their knees, clanging loudly as they hit the floor. They struggled but found themselves completely unable to move. They grunted in pain as their backs were arched and they were forced to look up at Harry standing ominously over them.

"Look into my eyes," Harry commanded in an even deeper voice. Harry had learned a thing or two about showmanship and how to win respect and attention. He knew he should probably just _obliviate_ these two and get out of here, but his damn ingrained sense of righteousness wanted to give the operatives the benefit of the doubt. He saw the necessity of Legilimency and read all of their surface thoughts and intentions. He quickly spotted the perfect opportunity and deposited a compulsion that their structured minds wouldn't resist. Both of these men's first priority right now was their brother.

The darkness in the room and the strange wind swirling made the glow in Harry's eyes almost hypnotic. Harry whispered to the operatives, "You are going to have to trust me when I say you are far from ready for someone like me." Harry was taking his time slowly enunciating every word, thick with underlying meaning. "And I'm not in the mood to rule this universe." Harry grinned deviously. "Not today."

After drawing out the silence long enough to make the operatives severely uncomfortable, Harry turned towards Mal. "Captain?"

Mal, suddenly realizing he wasn't just a spectator to the scene, replied, "Err yeah… we're all loaded up. Waiting on you two."

Harry nodded his thanks and told the operatives, "Gentlemen, your brother is perfectly fine but he will need to be here, _alone_, to explain why everyone else on third shift quit this morning. There is no record you came here nor will there ever be. Please make sure you're not around when the new business day begins in a few hours." Harry's eyes flashed red as he wore a small grin. "Don't forget to tell your mother that Dick was taking a nap on the job because everyone quit and that he simply forgot to call. Stick with the only story there's any proof of and then… _everything_… will be just fine." Harry assured them with a smile. He nodded at River who turned and walked up onto Serenity.

Harry turned to Mal and said, "Sorry about the delay, Captain. Sometimes I think the tenuous hold on my humanity depends on not the people I kill, but the ones who are willing to accept my mercy." Harry patted Mal on the shoulder and followed the Captain onto Serenity.

As the ship started to hover, and the cargo bay doors were beginning to close, Harry turned back towards the operatives once last time. Harry yelled over the roar of the engine, "There is an old saying you may have heard: _Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus. _Roughly translated it means 'never tickle a sleeping dragon.' Good day gentlemen."

The two operatives finally found themselves capable of standing again. They looked at each other and didn't say a word. After three seconds of silent conversation with their eyes, they both turned and went back to their ship to leave.

* * *

"Harry?" Mal asked softly. 

Harry turned to the Captain with a bright smile. "Yes, sir?"

"Are you nice Harry or scary Harry?" Jayne asked keeping his hand on one of his guns.

Harry laughed and smiled. He dropped his voice and stood with what he called Dark Lord confidence. "Can't I be both?"

"No!" Mal insisted. "What the hell was that?"

"I'd say that was a pretty successful job," Harry said resuming his normal tone of voice. "Listen, we can talk more, but let's do it on the bridge." Harry briskly headed towards the front of the ship. He pulled out his communicator and talked to Mr. Universe while he walked. "What's on the waves?"

"I've got an idea to try but so far exactly what we expect," the handheld device replied back. "I'll keep you updated."

"Lovely," Harry replied happily, idly glancing back and noticing everyone on the ship other than River, Kaylee, and Simon, was following him. Harry reached the cockpit and greeted, "River! How do you-"

"Listen you _fay-fay duh pee-yen_," Simon snarled. "If you're going to play mind games with some _gorram_ top federal agents, you better-"

Harry waved him off. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leave the decision making for River up to her obsessive, compulsive, controlling, wiser, over-protective brother. I got it. Won't happen again. It's all my fault, I'm sorry." Harry rolled his eyes at Simon's confusion, and said a little louder, "As I was saying, _River_, how do you feel?"

"Fantastic, invigorated, focused," River replied, turning briefly just to smile.

"Skies are clear?" Harry clarified.

River nodded. "We're on line for Persephone for as long as their sensors can read us. Once we're out of range, we'll change course."

"Excellent," Harry replied. "And you were never lost to your instincts? No delay or change in assuming control of your mind?"

"Nope," River announced. "You know you would have felt that right away."

"Yeah, I know."

"You just don't want to spar with me."

"No, you're right. Tonight reminded me I need to get some practice in."

Mal was getting a bit irritated, but Simon was the first to crack. "What are you two talking about?" Simon demanded.

"I've caged some of my triggers," River explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Jayne turned to Inara and asked, "Do you speak _Bug_?"

Harry helped them out and added, "River's begun asserting more control over her mind. In the same way the government implanted triggers to certain characteristic or personality changes, River can keep those things separate if she wants to, or she can call on the trigger. So you could say, she went to her cupboard and opened up a can of whoop-ass."

"I'll say," Jayne heartily agreed.

"She's been wanting to exercise some of her skills in a friendly sparring atmosphere," Harry explained. "You're all welcome to join us for that, by the way. But anyways, I told her we needed to make sure she wouldn't become a slave to her own instincts or be a danger to anyone. So she tested it out with our friend in the blue trim."

"And now that it's been combat-tested," River smiled while she kept looking forward as they flew. "Harry has to let me kick his rump."

"Oi!" Harry indignantly exclaimed.

"I mean friendly spar," River innocently corrected herself.

Simon turned to Kaylee. "You know that idea has some merit." Kaylee slapped her boyfriend's arm knowing that he was picturing Harry getting beaten by a little girl.

"Can we please talk about what just happened?" Mal interrupted. "I'm referring to _outside_ of River's head. You remember the operatives that dropped by? The scary Harry ordering us around and sicking psycho pet River on them? The one that was rutting glowing as the operatives dropped to their knees in front of him?"

Harry looked surprised. "You thought I was glowing? Because that sounds pretty lame."

"No," Kaylee shook her head. "It was scary."

"I was just trying to intimidate them," Harry admitted. "I was armed and if they hadn't convinced me, I would have… given them some forced selective amnesia."

"You what?" Simon asked in shock.

"Forced selective amnesia?" Zoe asked. "You were going to scramble their brains?"

Harry shook his head. "Not quite that severe. I would have removed all of their memories of meeting us."

"Well why didn't you do that?" Mal insisted.

Harry frowned and admitted, "Because I prefer giving them a choice and seeing if they choose the right way, before taking away the choice entirely."

"Harry," Mal asserted himself. "We do not have the convenience of a minor conscience issue when it directly affects the safety and the security of my crew."

"Agreed," Harry replied. "I wouldn't ever intentionally endanger anyone. This is just for my own peace of mind. But for what it's worth, we can have all the reports those two file squelched, renamed, misfiled, deleted, and rearranged to point elsewhere. I'm almost certain they'll never say a word to anyone about this."

"They won't," River said with certainty.

"I will kill when it's necessary, Captain," Harry assured him. "But I will not kill, when it is not necessary."

Mal sighed and nodded. He turned to look at everyone in the room assembled quietly and smiled genuinely. "Do you guys realize we just picked up over four million platinum worth of cargo?"

"Yeah!" Jayne cheered.

Smiles became infectious as they all caught each other's eyes and realized they were right in the midst of getting away with it.

The impromptu interrogation seemed to be winding down. Remembering what had stood out most to her, Zoe asked Harry, "Wait, Harry. How _did _you get them to bow to you?"

"Bow to me?" Harry said with surprise. "Is that what it looked like? I think they may have both tripped." Harry seemed to be avoiding people's eyes as he quietly added, "Simultaneously."

With a half dozen disbelieving scoffs Harry looked up and tried again, "Perhaps a tremor? A little terraquake?"

"Three Hills is protected from terraquakes. You've got to go further out than that to find planets with unstable tectonics." Simon argued.

"Massive shifts in magnetic polarity?" Harry suggested. "Perhaps both operatives have had their knees replaced and the titanium was… something?"

"Harry," Mr. Universe's voice spoke up from the communicator. "Just… stop trying. Please."

"Can do," Harry brightened up considerably. "So what's the good word, Frank? We in the clear?"

"Well I decided this would be a good time to go ahead and try that thing you'd hypothesized," the communicator informed.

Harry saw everyone looking at him for explanation and asked, "I'm going to need a little more than just that."

"As soon as the two operatives arrived back at their ship," Mr. Universe replied. "They received black flagged top tier security verified messages. They informed them in very curt words that jeopardizing covert missions can be forgiven for citizens, but it is grounds for extermination for agents of the government. I carefully explained that they should know very well the only reason the agency would have ever been called off searching for River Tam and that they should have recognized the situation this evening for what it was. Their actions officially did not happen and I told Peter Johnson that he had better keep his ego in check or humility won't be the only lesson he learns. Then I snuck in a crash and reboot routine that triggered an erase and shutdown from their logs, including erasing those messages. Only one outgoing communication since and that was a short call to their mother. And now they've set course to return home."

"It worked?" Harry asked with a grin.

"Of course it worked," Mr. Universe smugly retorted. "It was my idea."

"I was the one who said next time we get pinched we should act like superior and more covert operatives higher up in the Alliance," Harry insisted pointing to himself. "It was _my_ idea."

"Your ideas are harebrained schemes lacking reason," the communicator calmly explained. "But they have on occasion inspired _my_ ideas, which are always logical, error-proof, efficient options you couldn't possibly come up with on your own."

"That sounds about right," River jumped in.

Harry raised an eyebrow at her. "You know helping to organize your muddled noggin is definitely one of my more cockamamie ideas."

Simon remembered his interrupted tirade earlier and heatedly raised his voice. "I wasn't finished! Because I don't care who you-"

"River," Harry faked a smile loudly interrupting Simon. "Why don't you take your brother and go celebrate our success tonight in the form of alcohol, cheers, and singing? You could even dance. Then perhaps you can break the news to him that you are an independent person and he should be irrationally irritated with _you _for tonight more than he should be at _me _for quote-unquote allowing you to put yourself in danger." Harry saw River was smirking and Simon was not amused. Harry hurriedly continued, "If you're feeling daring you could even try and convince him you weren't ever in much danger. This was a grand success we should be celebrating not overanalyzing and sucking the fun out of life."

River nodded and left the pilot's chair for Harry. "Come along Simon. I think it's about time you stopped sucking life and started sucking-"

"River!" Simon interrupted as he got up to follow his sister.

"I think 'Kaylee' makes more sense than me but that's not quite where I was going," River calmly replied.

Simon could be heard whining, "How can I hate that man even more now? I didn't think that was possible."

* * *

"What are you doing?" River asked Harry oddly. 

Harry was reaching over his head in an arc stretching with his right hand over to the left. He then switch and reached over to the right with his left hand. "I'm exercising, warming up my muscles. You couldn't even guess how many years it's been since I did any sparring."

"Six," River said offhandedly.

"Okay," Harry corrected himself as he began pulling his knees up to his chest. "Let me rephrase that: you _can _guess, you just won't be right." He was jogging lightly in place and enjoyed the uncertain looks River kept giving him. "Got to get my blood flowing. Shake the dust off these old bones. Grease these creaky, rusted joints."

"How old are you?" River asked suddenly, not particularly expecting a straight answer.

Harry shook his head and began doing crouches. "A lady never tells."

"Simon?" River asked, turning to her brother who was sitting up on a catwalk with Kaylee and a tub of popcorn.

"Yes?" He called out biting back a massive grin.

"You are going to be prepared to treat us, right?"

"Relax," Simon assured her. "Harry here probably knows a trick or two about medicine. Besides, you're not trying to kill him, are you?"

Harry looked up at Simon hearing the hopefulness in his voice.

River shook her head. "Not today. Err… well not right now at least."

Harry looked over at River and tested her mindshield. Sensing that she was unprepared, Harry gave her the equivalent of a mental poke in the belly, alerting her and reminding her of the position she was in.

River refocused herself and gave Harry an irritated stare.

"Go easy on me," Harry said with a nod. "I'm a little out of practice." And with that proclamation, Harry jumped back and began swirling his fists with his palms aimed down. He made for a pretty ugly sight, like a nineteenth century English boxer.

River looked around the cargo bay, since they'd hidden away their latest plunder and booty. It was practically empty. Standing on the stairs, leaning onto the rail watching below them were the Captain and Jayne. The Captain looked curious and Jayne looked like a kid on Christmas Eve. Up on one of the catwalks above the impromptu exercise area and dueling arena, Inara and Zoe sat with their legs dangling over the side, whispering to each other, probably about Mal's shortcomings. Directly across from the two women, Kaylee and Simon were cuddled up next to each other. Kaylee held a large tub of popcorn in her lap, while she rested her head on her boyfriend's shoulder. River caught the childish joy in her brother's eye. She smirked back at him and gave him a wink.

The moment after she winked at her brother, River spun around at Harry in a windmill kick aiming to land down onto Harry with the full force of her momentum.

Harry would have felt it even if he hadn't been her mindshield. As soon as she left her feet, she had committed herself to a specific area. Harry calmly turned around twice from her and was out of range. Quicker than River would have thought possible, Harry had moved back towards her, taking the offensive and dropping down to sweep her leg.

River saw what was happening and managed a short hot-step of a landing shifting her weight to her back leg, letting her front leg go limp as it was pushed away. River barely realized Harry was a lot faster than he looked, when a second sweep kick had immediately followed his first one and sent her crashing to the floor landing painfully on her back.

Harry had hopped up and away from River as soon as he had negated her balance.

"_Oof_," River wheezed when she landed ungracefully and the surprise showed on her face. She lay there a moment and saw the heartbroken look on her brother's face. She tilted her head towards Harry and whispered, "Oh you… _bitch_."

Harry kept a healthy distance from her as his eyes were twinkling. "I said go easy on me. I didn't mean you should just give up and let me win."

River arched her back, hopped to her feet in one smooth motion, and immediately began attacking Harry furiously. She gritted her teeth as she unloaded relentless punch after punch, with a few interspersed elbows, knees, and kicks.

Harry was calmly keeping up with her, deflecting and blocking every attack River was making. Harry was trying not to pick up on the thoughts inside her mindshield but couldn't completely ignore her when she was focused this hard. Every swing and swipe from River was dodged or parried. Knowing nothing from her was going to get past his defenses this way, Harry figured he'd make her aware that she was mentally broadcasting to test and see if she could instinctively keep him out.

"Don't overdo it, River," Harry suggested with a smile. "I know they say second best is the first loser, but you'll still be _our_ first loser." Deftly blocking every attack from River, Harry turned his head away from her and observed the six people in audience. Harry was impressed to see everyone, including Simon, was just staring at the friendly spar with wide shocked eyes and varying degrees of agape jaws. Harry could only smirk as he continued to parry all of River's attacks without even looking in her direction. He felt the moment when River's patience was at an end and she was about to shift towards a more violent, underhanded plan of attack.

Harry snapped his head right at her, startling her for just a split second. It was enough though for Harry to deflect her swing, lean into her pinning her arm down. Seeing his opportunity, Harry jabbed two fingers right into her unprotected throat, which reflexively sealed her windpipe and knocked the breath from her body. Harry whipped his hand up and tweaked River's nose, emboldened by her shock. She swung her arms wildly, but Harry merely hopped forward past her, slapping her rear end soundly as he went. "Olé!"

The smack of flesh and Harry's joyous cry echoed around the cargo bay as River gasped for breath rubbing her neck, her face reddening in anger.

Simon yelled out from the peanut gallery petulantly, "Foul!"

Harry snickered and chanced a glance upward at the Doc, only to see River had taken the opportunity of Harry's brief look away to snap back into action. When Harry saw her coming, he got a real bad feeling. She had been doing an Uncle Vernon impression with the blustering and puce color. But now River looked simply pale and sweaty from the workout. Harry's apprehension grew when she began to swing her arms harder and faster with punches that were not being mentally screamed into the mindshield. He probed gently and found she was keeping her movements all to herself. This was a good sign for River, but made things a lot more difficult for Harry.

Harry was barely able to keep deflecting River's attacks, while initiating only a few weak counters of his own. River was easily capable of blocking all of Harry's attempts as she kept inching closer and closer to Harry. Seizing the moment, River faked a backhand slap and pulled up limp leaving Harry's defensive arm out there waiting. She grabbed a firm hold of Harry's arm at the elbow spinning her body into his and jerking when she was positioned in between his own arm and body.

With a clear loud wet muffled pop, River had wrenched Harry's left arm cleanly out of its socket.

Harry grunted in pain, while a number of gasps echoed around the room. Harry had disengaged and River had backed away from him with victorious grin. Harry was rubbing over his shoulder making it appear as though he were feeling the damage. In truth he was wandlessly healing it and numbing it with the only generic healing spell he knew. Harry was gritting his teeth as he subtly forced it back into place.

Simon made everyone chuckle as he'd jumped to his feet and cheered, "That's what I'm talking about!"

River was relaxing a bit but keeping her eyes on Harry the whole time. "I do hope _our_ first loser hasn't overdone it."

"So that's how you wanna play it, huh?" Harry grinned straightening himself up. He cracked the knuckles on his right hand, preparing it, while he hugged his left arm close to his body.

"You might want to get that looked at," River suggested innocently.

"Oh no," Harry assured her. "You don't get out of this unless you're forfeiting, or have learned your lesson."

"My lesson?" River grinned back at Harry.

Harry nodded and leapt into action. He jumped towards River, swinging his leg around in a spin-kick that she could only brace her body to take. Rolling with it, she was immediately on the defensive as Harry kept swinging a variety of kicks at her while he clutched his left arm against himself.

"Yup, your lesson," Harry answered shifting his balance with every spin and alternating plant foot. "One of the most classic strategies," Harry lectured in between his flurry of high and low kicks. "_Be your strongest where your opponent thinks you are weakest._" A forceful mental poke in the belly caught River completely off guard. Just as she comprehended Harry's words, River actually shut her eyes in frustration. It was the exact moment that Harry's closed left fist on his secretly healed arm connected with River's unprotected chin in a vicious uppercut.

The small young woman was unconscious before she landed.

Harry pumped his fist in the air in victory. "Yes!" he screamed proudly, only to see looks of complete shock and abject horror on the rest of the crew's faces. Harry then remembered where he was and what he was doing. He saw River had a little smile on her face as she was down for the count. He also spotted that she had a small dribble of blood pooling out the corner of her mouth.

Harry turned up to an aghast-looking Simon. "Umm… Doc? You might want to take a look at your sister here." Harry waved to everyone and rubbed his sore arm. "I'm going to be up on the bridge." Harry scurried out of the cargo bay before Simon had made it down the steps.

* * *

"Simon still won't let me spar with you," River complained. 

Harry chuckled. "I may have gotten a bit zealous, but that's only because we both want to win. Hurting you is just a bonus to embarrassing you."

"I know!" River insisted. "You'd think me kicking your heinie would be enough of a bonus for him, but he keeps touting the fact that my Doctor hasn't cleared me yet."

"I thought you were just knocked out with a small split lip?"

River sighed. "I got a little bruise too."

Harry was looking at her face and chin closely, then her arms. He saw her legs spilling out from under her skirt looked as unblemished as everything else. "I can't see it."

River huffed and turned towards Harry. "Yes well, next time please try not to slap my bottom so hard."

Harry bit back a snort and suggested, "Perhaps you'd let me practice some?"

River's eyes glistened dangerously as she smiled at the idea. "Take it up with my Doctor."

Harry laughed imagining that conversation. "I really don't think that's gonna go over too well."

"He still wants to know how you managed to heal your shoulder," River pointed out. She kept her eyes on Harry and innocently added, "Somehow I don't think calling it _magic_ is enough of an answer for him."

Harry shook his head and looked at River, wondering how much she knew, and how much she was just fishing. "And is it enough of an answer for you?"

River smiled as though she knew more than she was telling. "I don't really care as long as I get to pop it out again next time."

"Captain!" Harry called out as Mal walked past Harry and River at the bazaar. "What exactly are we doing here?"

Mal kept on walking as Harry and River fell into step behind him. "When you pitched your idea, I sent out a few missives just to see who might be interested in our cargo and what they'd be willing to pay. Now I know any numbers we get are going to be about half of what we eventually settle on, but we probably have to spread this around. I doubt anyone's going to want it all."

Harry followed him and suggested, "I may know a guy who could be talked into a pallet if the price is right."

Mal stopped and turned to Harry. "A pallet? As in half the score, _a pallet_?"

Harry nodded. "Dirty Duncan's got the coin, and he's a stand-up guy. Something you won't always find way out on the rim."

"Find out what he'd be willing to pay and for how much," Mal replied. "Most people I know couldn't even move more than a box of the stuff. Except maybe Patience and I'm not so sure we want to try our luck with her just yet."

Mal arrived at the Post Office counter and cheerfully greeted, "Amnon Duul! How are you doing?"

"Oh _gorramit_, Malcolm Reynolds," the man behind the counter known as Amnon shook his head with a smile. "Are you bringing me more trouble as usual?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm bringing you just about the most trouble you'll ever find," Mal grinned. "Amnon, I'd like you to meet Harry."

Harry stuck out his hand to shake. "I'm not that much trouble. Personally, I think the Captain brings it all on himself."

Amnon nodded and agreed. "Yeah, that sounds like Mal."

"What do you got for me?" Mal asked the man with a grin.

"Here you go," he announced kneeling down in front of some cabinets. "Got three letters for you. Hey, you still fly with Jayne Cobb?"

"Yeah," Mal nodded curiously.

"Got one letter for him too. You wanna sign for it?"

"I can, but hang on a moment," Mal turned and looked over towards the custom-made grenades booth. "Jayne!" He called out. "You got post!"

Jayne stopped his browsing and hurried over happily. "Yay! Another care package from Mom?"

"Nope," Amnon announced. "Just a letter this time. Sign here."

Jayne signed his receipt and looked at the crudely fashioned envelope. "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle, it's from Matty! I didn't even know he could read, let alone write." Jayne grinned and ripped into the letter. The joy in his face turned into a look of shock and fear. He turned to the Captain, stuttering, "M- M- Mal? Mal? Mal I got to go. I can't- I mean…"

"Hold on there, Jayne," Mal tried to calm him. "What's up? What's going on?"

Jayne just limply handed the letter to Mal who accepted it and read it silently.

_Dear Jayne, _

_Mama's dying. _

_Sincerely,  
Matty _


	15. CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Meet the Cobbs

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

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**CHAPTER FOURTEEN – Meet the Cobbs **

"Ah _gos se_ Jayne, I'm sorry," Mal said to his mercenary friend.

"I gotta go Mal," Jayne insisted. "I gotta find a ride. I need to get to her."

"Jayne!" Mal yelled getting his attention. "We're going. You don't need a ride. We're going to take you. Hell, we're bringing a damn good Doctor with us too."

Jayne's eyes perked up at the reminder of the crew.

Mal turned to the postmaster, "Amnon, it was good seeing you but…"

"Go," Amnon shooed the Captain. "I'll wave you if you get any more post."

"River," Mal instructed. "You go make sure she's all set and plot us a course to New Pitt."

"Got it," River said turning and heading back towards Serenity.

"Harry," Mal ordered. "You gather everyone up and tell them we're leaving now."

"Aye Captain," Harry said. "Should I tell them why?"

"Jayne's mom isn't doing too well," Mal said. "We just found out in a _letter_, so time is critical. I'm going to get him back to his bunk."

Jayne seemed to be pouting that he was being treated like a child but didn't respond. He still seemed a bit dazed and out of it.

Harry nodded and patted Jayne softly on the shoulder saying no words, offering only silent comfort. Harry turned to Mal and asked, "Captain, any supplies we need to get before going?"

"We've already refueled and are doing fine on the essentials," Mal replied and paused a moment watching Jayne's lip tremble. "But something to make us smile wouldn't be remiss. Just hurry. I want to be out of atmo in less than ten."

"We'll be there," Harry assured him, heading off in the direction he knew Kaylee and Simon had gone.

Harry arrived back at the ship with Kaylee, Simon, Zoe, and Inara. As soon as they were on, Mal closed the cargo bay doors behind them and Harry called into the intercom. "Everyone's aboard, River. We're good to go."

As the engines all fired they took off at full speed, headed straight in the direction of New Pitt.

"Mal," Simon greeted. "I've got all the basics of a fully stocked infirmary but do you have any idea what we're dealing with here?"

Mal shook his head. "The letter was six words long: _Dear Jayne, Mama's dying. Sincerely Matty._ That's about all we know."

"Umm," Simon paused and added, "That's oddly courteous. And unhelpful."

Mal smiled weakly. "Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if he was taught he had to write correspondence in a very strict, specific way. Though if it helps, New Pitt's a manufacturing town, and Jayne's dad and brother Matty are both welders."

"Welders?" Simon clarified. "You can get some real bad fumes that way. And if she's in an advanced stage of any sort of mutated cancer…"

Mal nodded. "She took care of Matty for almost a year while he had the Damplung. Last we heard Matty was completely over it."

Simon winced. "Let's just hope that's not it."

"Doc!" Jayne called out entering the room. "There you are! Listen, Simon, err… Dr. Tam, I mean."

Simon turned to Jayne curiously, "Yes?"

"I really don't like asking for help. I like it even less than needing help, but please, Doc," Jayne half mumbled his way through.

"Jayne," Simon stopped him. "You don't have to ask. I've fully restocked our infirmary onboard and was talking to the Captain about it right now."

"It's my mom, Doc," Jayne said honestly looking at him hopefully. "You may not need to hear it, but for her I got to say it. Please, Dr. Tam, look at her and do everything in your power to fix her up good. Please."

Simon smiled at this side of Jayne he'd never seen before. "I will. From what the Captain was saying, we've no idea at all what she's got, so for now, even speculating does us no good."

"We're going hard burn the whole way," Mal explained. "We should be there in just over two days. For now you work on keeping your head on straight."

"I know Mal," Jayne said with a sad smile. "Thanks." Jayne turned to Simon and his smile turned serious, "You make sure my mama knows I asked you nicely now."

Simon nodded and tried not to smile at the image of Jayne Cobb, mama's boy.

* * *

"Why are we here?" River asked looking around the familiar countryside and grassy plain inside her mind. 

"Because I thought you might like to see something I'd noticed when we were sparring." Harry answered.

"When we were sparring you noticed something… _in here_?"

Harry nodded. "Yup. Your instincts are beginning to respond properly."

"What does that mean?"

"That means we are healing some of the damage done."

"I thought it couldn't be fixed."

"Well, it can't _all_ be fixed," Harry replied. "But it's like you got shot. We can't undo the fact that you were shot, but we can remove the bullet, stop the bleeding, and see if it won't heal over. I meant it couldn't be fixed in that you won't ever have a mind functioning the way an average twenty year old would. But that don't mean we can't convince everyone else you are."

"I don't think I've ever been average at anything," River pointed out.

Harry laughed loudly. "I know the feeling."

"Alright," River continued. "So what healing am I here to witness?"

Harry nodded. "First I want you to snap out of this without using the trigger."

"How do I do that?"

"Good question," Harry shrugged. "I'd say just try to."

River looked at Harry oddly. "Just try to? That's the wisdom and brilliance you're dispensing me for this?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm not the feeble little girl unable to even control her own mind."

River harshly inhaled and narrowed her eyes.

Harry smirked at her, playing up the smugness, knowing he, probably more than anyone else, could incite negative emotions in her. Faster than River could blink, Harry had traveled the dozen or so feet between them and was towering over her tiny form. He screamed angrily in her face, "WAKE UP!"

River jumped back in fright from Harry and was franticly whipping her head around the bridge. It took her a moment to see Harry's eyes had rolled back up into his head and he wasn't moving. Then a smile blossomed across her face as she realized she had broken from her mental trance on her own. "I did it."

"What do you want, a cookie?" Harry's voice called out from inside River's head.

"What the-" River stammered looking at her co-pilot. "Harry?"

Harry's body wasn't moving, though the whites of his eyes seemed to be twitching rapidly. Inside River's head, she heard, "I'm still in here. Lay back down and join me please."

River let her body fall horizontal and she immediately brought herself to Harry on the path in the countryside. "I did it!"

Harry nodded. "Yes you did. But now the question is can you do it again?"

"Right," River closed her eyes and concentrated, trying to recreate the feeling. "I'm close I can tell," River announced without looking.

Harry pointed at her sharply and growled out, "River."

River whipped her eyes open catching barely a glimpse of Harry before she immediately felt her consciousness shift to the waking world. She looked up and saw Harry's sightless eyes staring towards the wall, while his finger was twirling in the air unenthusiastically.

River took the signal and fell right back into her mind. She immediately asked Harry, "What am I missing?"

Harry shook his head. "Nothing. I think this is just some of your body's cultured response."

River frowned considering his words. "From the Alliance?"

Harry laughed and said, "No, not from them. I meant from the trigger I made you and the adrenaline. It appears to take riling your emotions up a bit. A little Pavlovian side effect that you've probably just about broken. Care to just try to do it again now that you're familiarizing yourself with the feeling?"

River immediately found herself back in the waking world. A moment's thought and she was back in her mind facing Harry. "This is great!"

Harry nodded. "Now you can work on cleaning things up around here on your own time. But there's another piece of progress that I wanted you to see."

"What else you got for me?"

"The sky," Harry said pointing up. "Look at it."

River gazed up into the sky, squinting as she tried to locate anything out of the ordinary.

"Do you see it?" Harry asked.

River shook her head.

"There's a barrier around here. This is as good a place as any, and if you watch the sky real close, you might see a sort of haze, reminiscent of the heated air just above a fire distorting your view."

River focused her eyes looking around the few clouds but mainly just seeing the solid clear blue.

"Don't freak out on me," Harry warned. "I'm right here, and I'm going to stay here. But give me a moment to focus."

River could feel her anxiety and apprehension growing. Every time Harry said 'don't freak out' it was usually because something warranting a good freak-out was coming up. She watched Harry's eyes close in concentration, and he appeared to be chewing on his lip. All of a sudden she felt the change in the air. The gentle blue sky darkened quickly, and a cool brisk wind blew past casting a chill as it washed over them. She looked up as dark clouds began forming. Then she noticed it. The invisible hazy barrier was snapping into focus and there were clouds clearly visible on both sides of the barrier. The clouds on the inside began to swirl slightly faster, but on the outside of the barrier a maelstrom was brewing. She watched blurry objects slam into the barrier from the outside trying to make it in. The invisible shield flared with each hit, flashing and shimmering like heat lightning.

"You doing okay?" Harry asked from behind her.

River turned and saw Harry was smiling pleasantly, no longer eyes clenched shut in concentration.

"What is that?" River asked in a panic as she saw what appeared to be dangerous clouds muscling their way past the translucent barrier.

"That," Harry explained happily, "is a natural Occlumens shield. I noticed you stopped broadcasting your thoughts when we were sparring and that meant they were being restrained and held in."

"Why is it so much colder and… it feels like the air is charged," River inquired, rubbing her arms for warmth as the horizon darkened.

Harry pulled her close to his body to keep her warm. "You know my mental thumb protecting you from uncontrolled reading?"

River turned to Harry in abject horror.

"Yup," Harry nodded. "I pulled it out."

As expected, the battered mind shield collapsed immediately, and the two of them were swallowed up into a funnel of howling winds and darkness inside River's mind.

Harry popped free from River's mental plane pulling her consciousness with him. It took barely a thought for Harry to erect the familiar shield back into place for River. That particular piece of magic had become so constant that it needed barely any guidance.

River was silently hysterical, sniffling and grabbing onto Harry. She was burying her head into his shoulder, squeezing him like a scared child finally locating a missing parent in an oversized shopping center.

Harry said nothing and held her close rubbing her back as silent assurance.

It took River a few minutes, but she had composed herself and wiped her leaky eyes. "I hate feeling like that. It never seemed so bad." She quietly explained. "But when the barrier broke, it was worse than anything I think I've ever felt."

"You know what that is?" Harry asked rhetorically. "It's weak. You're feeling weak. And if you're anything like me, you hate feeling weak more than almost anything else, far more than pain."

River let go of Harry and sat back. "I don't want to feel that way ever again."

Harry shrugged. "Odds are, you probably will. But this is a big step."

River nodded.

"You're making your own shield, which is for both keeping stuff out and keeping stuff in. This is what we've been working towards and you're headed in the right direction."

"So what do we do next?"

"Next," Harry explained. "I'm going to teach you to strengthen that shield. Improve on it, so that it doesn't collapse so quickly. So that you're confident in it. So that if it ever breaks, you know how to build it again, stronger. And eventually, it'll be unconsciously upheld and strengthened."

River sighed and nodded.

"You should be happier," Harry argued. "Don't you remember that storm? The sky darkening? That was you, getting along just fine without my help." Harry saw River force a smile. "I'm not talking about my mind shield weakening and lessening after four hours or whatever. I'm talking about me out of the picture completely. A life of your own without the leash."

River's smile became a little less forced. A part of her found comfort in the knowledge she had a guardian angel of sorts always protecting her and she knew she'd miss not having Harry around if he ever left.

"You know when you're focusing really hard on trying to make sure I can't hear you pee?" Harry explained ruefully. "That's actually _forcing_ me to listen to you… tinkle. Even when you hum."

And it was at that moment, River Tam gained all the determination she would need to master the Mind Arts.

* * *

Inara was smiling lightly, running her fingers through his hair. She pondered the absurdity of the situation as she fought the temptation to rub swirlies on the top of his head. She could feel the hair was thinning and that a nice shiny bald spot was on the distant horizon. 

Jayne turned his head to lie on his back and looked up at Inara. "Listen, Inara, I just want you to know I really do appreciate you _Companioning_ me here. I…" Jayne paused and earnestly offered, "You know I've never just laid down, resting my head in someone's lap like this except with my mom."

There were moments like these where Inara could appreciate that Jayne was a genuine honestly caring man.

And then there were moments where she had her doubts. "Or getting a mouthful of muff, if you know what I mean," Jayne added with a grin.

Inara resisted the impulse to power-chop Jayne's Adam's apple.

"With Mom," Jayne recounted wistfully. "It made no difference, whether she was comforting me during a super-storm or punishing me for putting lit firecrackers in the cat food. She would just flatten her dress and have me lie down with my head in her lap like this."

Jayne paused for a few seconds and concluded out loud. "You know come to think of it, she may have just been checking me for lice."

Inara's calming ministrations on Jayne's head halted and she slowly pulled her hand away with a nauseous look on her face.

Jayne's bottom lip began to tremble and stick out. "I don't want Mom to go nowhere." He whispered fighting back tears.

"Don't think that Jayne," Inara said confidently. "She'll be fine. You'll see."

Jayne just nodded uncertainly. They sat there in comfortable silence until Jayne turned up to Inara and said, "You know you don't have to be doing nothing on my behalf here."

"It's no problem, Jayne," Inara replied warmly. "I'm not working, or trying to trick you into feeling better. You're a friend."

Jayne nodded, "I'm just saying that, you know, if you're more comfortable topless, then you shouldn't feel obligated on my behalf-"

"Thank you Jayne," Inara said with a loud exhale. "I'm quite certain I won't be taking you up on that offer."

Jayne pondered. "You know Mom used to spank me-"

"That's it!" Inara exclaimed leaping to her feet, dumping Jayne on the floor. "I hope your mother's alright so I can tell her all about this."

Jayne rubbed the back of his head and watched Inara stomp out of the room. He pouted quietly, "Mommy."

* * *

Harry had inherited four different properties from his parents, godfather, and a thankful witch with a crush who had died at the ripe old age of one hundred ninety-three. Harry had been twenty-seven at the time. They were all immaculately maintained large manors that even the Malfoys would have been proud to call their own. But not even living a century in his family's ancestral manor could hope to match the chaos and warmth of a place like the Burrow. 

The patchwork looking two story A-frame halfway built into a hillside immediately brought images of the Burrow to Harry's mind and a smile to his face. It was a solemn group of eight, making their way up a homemade cobblestone path in the early hours of the evening.

"It's not much," Jayne said.

"It's wonderful," Kaylee said happily.

"Whatchoo doin'?" a young man greeted, coming out the front screen door.

"Hey little brother," Jayne called out running up the porch stairs, grabbing the young man and proceeding to give him a noogie. "How's Ma?"

Matty pushed his older brother off him and backed away. "Same as yesterday. Asleep almost all the time. Where you been?"

"I came as soon as I got your letter," Jayne defended. "How long has she been like this?"

Matty looked away and mumbled, "Bout three months."

"Three months!" Jayne gasped. "Why dintchoo write me sooner?"

Matty sighed and sat down on a lawn chair that was doubling as porch furniture. "Mom dint want me to. She kept thinking she'd get better. But 'stead she got worse. Then we dint want you to come because the doc said we should be preparing to say goodbye. And we figgered you coming might make her give up."

Jayne was keeping his eyes on the ground, not wanting to look up. "So that's it? You gave up on hoping she'd get better and finally wrote me?"

"Naw," Matty said shaking his head. "We still think she's gonna get better, but Mom found out why we hadn't written you and wouldn't let us drink beer until we wrote you."

Jayne nodded and saw the whole crew looking up at him from behind. "_Gos se_, sorry guys. Matty, I'd like you to meet Zoe, Inara, Mal, Harry, River, Kaylee, and Simon. Guys, this is my little brother Matty." Jayne turned to Matty and asked, "Where's Mom at?"

"Basement," Matty said. "We needed it cooler to break her fever. And once we put a monitor down there she just set up camp."

"Alright," Jayne said. "Doc, you're with me. The rest of you… make yourselves at home. Matty, be nice."

Simon picked up both of his medical satchels and followed Jayne into the house.

Matty hopped up out of his lawn chair and looked at the six other people just standing there in front of the Cobb's house. "Ya'll ca' come in."

"I can see where Jayne gets his kindness," Mal said with a smile, following Matty in, leading the rest of his crew into the house.

Harry was the last one in the house and managed to bump right into a suddenly stopped River and Kaylee. Kaylee yelped as she fell forward hard, scaring the tabby cat out of the room.

Having knocked River and Kaylee to the floor, Harry now saw what had caused their sudden halt. There was a large piece of petrified wood coated in a shiny lacquer with an assortment of seven different dead stuffed squirrels on it. The squirrels were frozen in lifelike motion and a couple of them had been positioned in something akin to a game of squirrel leap frog.

"Nice squirrels," Harry complimented, breaking the awkward silence.

"Hmm?" Matty said leaning forward from his place on the couch. "Oh on the table? Yeah, that's Jimmy, Ricki, Bobby, Stewie, Jeffy, Stevie, and Stan."

Harry just smiled uncertainly in response and looked around the Cobb's living room. There were two stuffed squirrels on the end tables, and several more mounted on the walls. A couple of the wall mounts were just the heads reminding Harry of the house elves at Grimmauld Place. Another one with just the front paws and head, was hanging right below a mounted back half of a squirrel. It appeared the tail had been stiffened and was currently acting as a hat rack.

Matty took a big gulp on his beer and hiccupped a little hot dog taste into his mouth. He saw everyone staring at him and realized he was the host. "You guys want something to drink?"

"Sure," Mal said with a smile. "What do you got?"

"Beer…" Matty said before thinking deeply. "And medicine."

"How bout a beer?" Mal chose wisely.

"Sure thing," Matty said jerking his thumb towards the hallway. "Help yourself. Cold ones in the crisper in the fridge."

Mal stood back up and decided to get his beer, wondering why he expected any semblance of manners from a less cosmpolitan Cobb. He turned towards everyone and asked, "Anyone else want something?"

"I'll take a beer," Matty said raising his hand.

Harry smiled and added, "Me too."

"Please," Inara added uncomfortably. She couldn't stop staring at the squirrel on the end table next to her. Its glassy wide eyes followed her, no matter where she moved.

"I'll come with you," Zoe said getting up to follow Mal. The pair left the room in awkward silence once more with Harry, River, Kaylee, Inara, Matty, and a whole lot of dead squirrels all giving each curious looks.

"Matty," Harry said. "I gotta ask… what's with the squirrels?"

Matty pointed around the room. "Who you asking about? I know all of thems life stories."

"Err... I wasn't asking about any in particular," Harry replied. "I was just wondering why. Do you have a strong dislike for squirrels? Is it something that impresses the girls?"

"Well yeah," Matty answered with a guffaw. "But I mean… you ain't from around here? Or know nothin' about New Pitt?"

Harry shook his head while all three girls just stayed quiet shaking their heads negatively as well.

"In these parts, we had a bit of falling out with some of the nature on this side of the planet," Matty explained as Mal and Zoe returned carrying beers for everyone. "Thanks," Matty said taking his beer from Mal. "Anyways, some of the neighborhood associations threw themselves a right little hissyfit with some federal representatives. So they went and brought in spaceships full of new wildlife. And some stuck-up suit can't read no good, looks at the order for a thousand squirrels, and manages to instead set us up with a million bajillion or something. S'why in New Pitt, it's always squirrel hunting season. Personally, I'm still holding out for a whacking day."

Mal looked at Harry and mouthed 'what the fudge' or something approximately close to that. Harry just turned to Matty. "Jayne tells me you're a welder?"

"Well..." Matty nodded. "_Der_." He collapsed into sniggers, apparently finding himself far more amusing than he should.

Harry was just watching the young man nervously when Jayne came into the living room.

"How is she?" Mal asked him as he scooted over to make room for Jayne.

Jayne took River's beer, since she hadn't even opened it and sat down. Jayne popped the top and guzzled over a third of it without stopping to breathe. "I just saw her two ruttin' years ago. She looks about thirty years older. It don't look right."

"What'd Simon say?" Zoe said.

"He's still in there with her," Jayne replied. "It's not Damplung, but she fell right back to sleep. He said he wants to monitor some of her vitals."

"It ain't Damplung," Matty said leaning forward. "And it ain't contagious. Doctor Hu said it was something… I don't know, in her bones maybe."

Jayne just frowned and was loudly slurping his beer. "Simon's a real good doc. He prolly knows more modern medicine than the backbirths passing for docs around here."

Another uncomfortable silence settled in the room only to be broken by Jayne asking his little brother, "So what have you been doing?"

Matty shook his head. "Nuthin'."

Jayne nodded, enjoying this quality time to catch up with Matty. "When's Dad coming home?"

"They been working him double," Matty said. "Anytime now he'll be back, probably within the next hour or sooner."

"Girls?" Jayne asked.

"Suck." Matty answered.

"Still play the stick?"

"Yeah, sometimes."

"Who you running with these days? Derek?"

"Derek knocked up two girls," Matty answered negatively. "Both of them were married. Derek's wife wasn't too happy to hear about that."

"So who then?"

"Ben and Shaun mainly."

"Hmmph," Jayne answered.

The strange conversation seemed to have ended and they sat in silence until Dr. Tam emerged from the basement stairs.

Simon looked at Jayne and saw everyone in the living room seemed to be nursing a beer. He opened his mouth when Jayne looked up at him hopefully and Simon snapped it shut with sad look. He sagged and took a seat on the piano bench. Jayne had just clenched his eyes shut in pain and let out a deep, rattling breath. Matty looked completely unconcerned having known the gist of everything Simon was going to say.

Simon explained, "She's in stage IV of N.P. Beckmans." He exhaled and paused.

Jayne looked up, wanting details he'd understand. "Is that bad?"

Simon winced and explained, "Half the people who contract Beckman's don't even reach stage IV. I'm sorry, Jayne." Simon struggled to say out loud. "But there's nothing anyone can do."

"We know," a voice announced from the front door.

"Dad!" Jayne called out, jumping up to hug his dad. Jayne seemed to forget he was a man for a moment and became a son. He really squeezed his dad tightly in a welcoming hug, determined to drain of every bit of comfort he could.

"It's good to see you, Jaynie," the man said patting his son on the back. "Care to introduce your friends?"

"Right, right," Jayne said, trying not to think about his mother's condition. "Dad, this is Zoe, Mal, Kaylee, Inara, River, Harry, and Simon, or Dr. Tam. Ladies, and Mal, this my dad, Sue Cobb."

Mal held in a snort wondering what sort of person would name their son _Jayne_. "Nice to meet you, Sue."

"Mal was it?" Sue asked. "Captain Reynolds?"

"Mal's fine, sir," the Captain replied.

"It's a shame we had to meet under these circumstances, Mal," Sue replied hanging his jacket up in the closet and grabbing himself a beer from the fridge. "Usually anytime we have company, Courtney whips up some of her fresh-squeezed lemonade. I'm not really all that used to playing host."

"Don't give it a second thought," Mal insisted. "We should be the last thing you're worried about right now."

"Mmm," Sue said with a tight smile. "To be honest, it's kinda nice to be thinking about something else. Did you all get a chance to say hi to Courtney?"

"I did," Jayne answered. "She was only awake for about five minutes, but she knows I'm here."

Sue took a swig from his beer and nodded.

Jayne turned back to Simon. "What were you saying, Doc?"

"I'd… I'd just said there was nothing we can do," Simon reluctantly repeated.

"Can't ease some pain? Treat some of her symptoms or something?" Jayne said grasping at straws.

Simon shook his head. "She's already numb to most sensations."

"Any idea how long till… till she…"

Simon saw Jayne was struggling and answered. "Any day now, she may go to sleep, and just not wake up. I can say it _won't_ be physically painful."

Jayne just sniffled and dropped his head, while his dad moved over and began to pat Jayne on the shoulder.

Harry's mind had just about zoned the outside world completely off. He saw Simon's face when he'd come back from Courtney and Harry felt just awful. It was actually what Simon had said that kept repeating over and over in Harry's head. "_There's nothing anyone can do_." Harry just heard those words and knew that as true as they may have been to the best of Dr. Tam's knowledge, they were _not_ in fact true. There may be nothing any doctor can do. There may be nothing modern medicine can do. But it was not true that there's nothing _anyone_ can do.

Harry was weighing things in his mind, trying to remember what half-truths and misconceptions he may have hinted at or misled the rest of the crew into believing. He really didn't know if there was anything useful he could do to help Jayne's mom. But uncertain success was not enough reason to neglect to even try.

Harry was so focused on his internal debate, he'd completely lost track of the conversation going around until River elbowed him harshly in the ribs. "Oww… what?"

Jayne was standing up looking right at Harry. "I was asking if you wanted another beer."

Harry whipped his head back and forth a bit, an old habit that helped him to focus. "No, no. I'm fine. Although…" Harry nibbled on the inside of his cheek. "Actually… can I talk to you guys? Somewhere private?"

"Something the matter?" Jayne asked curiously, before waving his hand. "Besides the obvious, I mean."

"Come on Matty," Sue said getting up from his chair. "Let's go watch some old video with your mother."

Matty got up shrugging. "Fine."

Harry smiled and nodded at Sue who just gave Harry an odd look back.

"What's going on, Harry?" Mal asked seeing how tense and uncertain his newest pilot looked. It was out of character for Harry, if such a concept existed.

"Hang on a second," Harry said as he got up and made a show of looking down the hall and out the front door. In truth he was merely subtly casting some silencing wards and low level aversion charms.

Harry turned back around and saw Simon was sitting with Kaylee, next to Jayne, Inara, Mal, and Zoe. River was perched with her legs folded back underneath her, looking a bit like a teacher waiting for a student to confess. Harry took a deep breath and steeled himself for the coming conversation.

"Alright," Harry began. "You know how I have some tricks and things I can't tell you about?"

"Yeah," Mal answered for the group.

"Well, you see the thing is…" Harry continued nervously. "I don't think there's any way to ease into this, so I'm just going to say it: I'm a wizard. I can do magic." Harry announced solemnly and looked up. He was expecting some laughs and scoffing, or at least disbelieving faces. Instead Harry was only getting silent, serious contemplation in return. No one telling him he was crazy, no one demanding to see proof. Only careful consideration, other than the smug grin River was wearing.

Finally Mal voiced out loud all the things that everyone else was thinking. "Meh. Whatever."

Harry was beginning to think he may have overdone it with the rest of the crew as they seemed almost more understanding of the idea he was a wizard than they looked skeptical or doubtful.

"Wizard?" Jayne asked curiously. "That sounds a bit girlie, don't it?"

"Girlie?" Inara asked in disbelief. "You think _girls_ appreciate a good _wizard_?"

"You don't drink blood or anything like that?" Simon asked carefully.

Harry shook his head. "Nope."

"Have you been using your magic on me? Do I need to shower again?" River franticly asked.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes, I've been using magic, and no, you don't need to shower."

"Is that why I don't hate you more? Your... _voodoo_?" River said as she narrowed her eyes. "And the way you keep showing up shirtless in my dreams!"

Harry couldn't hold in a snort. "I haven't… I mean… you know I really didn't need to know about your dreams."

"What've you been doing to me?" River insisted, completely unembarrassed.

"Oh come on," Harry replied. "I thought it was obvious. The mental shield protecting you?"

"That's magic?"

Harry smiled and nodded.

River sat up straighter. "Have I been doing magic?"

Harry wiggled his hand side to side. "Sort of, but not really. You're not a witch, if that's what you mean."

"What?" River asked.

"Sorry, male magical people are called wizards. Female magical people are called witches."

"Are they worth the same number of hit points?" Simon inquired.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Never mind," Simon said with a condescending shake of his head.

Harry was just looking at Dr. Tam oddly.

"Hey! Are aliens real?" Kaylee asked.

"Kaylee!" Mal snapped at her. "Don't ask that. Harry, don't answer her. You don't want to know the answer to that Kaylee."

"What?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Exactly, Harry," Mal cheered. "Exactly."

"Umm, Harry," Jayne interrupted. "I've got a few questions for you on this, but first I was wondering what made you want to spill your guts right now. Because, I'm kinda in the middle of something."

"Oh right!" Harry said. "Well, it was actually what the Doc said, claiming there's nothing we can do for your mom. And I just wanted you to know, that if you would like, there is one thing I can _try_ to do for you. I mean I've never been very good with healing spells, but it don't really hurt nothing to try."

"You think you can fix her?" Simon asked incredulously.

"You ain't messing with me, are you Harry?" Jayne asked with a stern expression.

Harry raised his hands. "Not messing with you. And I don't know if I can fix her or not. I only ever learned one main healing spell, because it was almost always good enough for me. I just thought it might be worth me giving it a great big honking shot, and hope for the best."

"This can't hurt Mom, can it?"

"Nope," Harry assured him. "It either works and helps her, or doesn't work and does nothing."

Jayne shrugged. "Alright. Let's go do it."

"Hang on a sec," Harry called out to the overeager son. "I need to explain a couple things real quick."

Jayne winced. "Do you gotta be naked and bathing in blood for your voodoo?"

"What?" Harry snapped. "No. It's just the healing spell is a very generic one, and its effectiveness comes from pouring enough magic into it."

Jayne nodded and then shook his head. "Do you expect me to understand your little cult?"

Harry sighed and continued. "The point I'm trying to make is that the more I put into it, the better chance it has of working. So I'm just going to put my all into it, and the result of that will be me knocked unconscious for probably at least 48 hours recuperating."

"Oh," Jayne said standing up straighter.

"Yeah," Harry sarcastically agreed. "So let's get a few things settled before I knock myself out for the next two days."

"I'm listening," Jayne replied.

"I think we tell your family that I'm part of some super secret government program," Harry explained.

"I can be a spy," Jayne cheered.

"Sure but make certain they understand you're working on dangerous experimental stuff that they cannot talk about to anyone," Harry explained. "I trust all of you to keep this secret to yourselves, but I don't want it spreading anywhere it doesn't need too. And your dad and brother can think me a government agent with less danger than if they were fully aware of what I am."

"Whatever you say," Jayne assured him.

Harry nodded and saw everyone looking at him hopefully.

"Can we watch?" Jayne asked.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I need at least a couple of you for when I do it, because I'll need to be put in some sort of makeshift bed, ideally with some water nearby. Though beer would be better than nothing. I don't mind if you all watch. If for no other reason than to assure you I'm not bathing in blood or drinking it when I talk about magic."

"Anything else?" Jayne asked. "Or are you ready to do this?"

Harry looked over at River. "I don't know if you'll be able to wake me enough to refresh your mind shield. So you may be on your own for a bit."

River frowned but knew her discomfort would never compare to Mrs. Cobb's life.

"You've got some hints you can focus on for help, but you might want your brother to have a sedative for you just in case," Harry explained to River.

"Other than that," Harry continued. "I'm ready whenever you are. We can do some more question-and-answer stuff about my voodoo later."

Jayne clapped and jumped to his feet. "Let's all go pray at Harry's demon altar." He walked purposefully out of the living room and down the stairs to the basement. Harry canceled the charms as he went and hurried after Jayne, everyone else falling into step behind him.

"Dad!" Jayne called out, interrupting the show Matty and Sue were watching while Courtney slept. "I've just gotten approval from some of the higher-ups that we've got an experimental technique we can try and save Mom with. But you and Matty can't be in here."

Sue looked skeptical. "You sure about this?"

Jayne nodded with a hopeful smile. "It won't hurt her, so there's no reason not to try."

Sue watched his oldest son carefully. He sighed and nodded, "Should we wait till she's awake and have a late dinner together?"

"No need," Jayne assured him. "We'll just give it a go right now. She doesn't even need to be awake."

"Matty?" Sue asked looking at his younger son.

Matty just shrugged.

"Alright Jaynie," Sue said. "We'll leave you alone but I'm gonna want some better answers."

Jayne smiled happily. "Thanks Dad. I'll be up to talk to you soon."

Sue gave Harry another strange look and led Matty up the stairs. He wondered why he kept having to leave the room in his own house.

When they had the basement to themselves, Harry nodded to Jayne and rolled up his sleeves showing off his shiny metal gauntlets. Harry smirked at them as he waved his hand over his left gauntlet back and forth, dispelling the illusion, revealing it to simply being a homemade leather harness with a thin wooden wand.

The people in the room gasped and widened their eyes. Kaylee let out an amazed, "Wicked."

Harry loved that moment when people accept the idea that magic is real. He waved his hand over the other gauntlet, revealing a similarly strapped down wand. "These are a couple of the wands that work best for me." Harry laid both wands parallel in his left palm while the fingers on his right were fluttering. He was whispering under his breath and the two wands inched closer together, magically fusing together. "I want the finer control of a wand, but a channel bigger than either of these wands individually."

Harry walked around Courtney Cobb's bed and pushed it away from the back wall into the center of the room. "This is probably going to look a bit freaky, but don't interrupt me until I give you the signal."

"What's the signal?" Jayne asked moving to the foot of his mother's bed, directly across from Harry.

Harry considered it and said, "I'll flash you a thumbs up."

Jayne nodded.

"You guys ready?" Harry clarified rolling the fused wands together in his hands.

Everyone else nodded, considering they weren't actually doing anything.

Harry nodded back and prepared himself. He was positioned directly behind the sleeping Mrs. Cobb. He rested his arms on the headboard of her bed and closed his eyes in concentration. He focused completely on gathering every bit of his magic into it. He hadn't done this in a long time, and he hoped his body was up for it. He didn't know it but the ambient air was crackling thick from the aura of his energy.

Courtney Cobb was blearily opening her eyes when she looked towards the foot of her bed and saw her little Jayne surrounded by a half dozen of his friends. She saw all of them gain looks of surprise before looking up behind her. She bent her neck back tilting her head up to see where they were looking and spotted a black-haired young man with eyes closed, tightly clenching a pair of polished twigs. She saw his eyes snap open and there were no pupils, just solid glowing light. "Hello?" she carefully greeted.

Harry jerked in surprise but was already committed to this course of action and just responded on instinct. "_Reparo Homo_!" He firmly incanted, wrapping his right hand in a tight fist around the pair of wands. His left hand served as the mallet, if he was hammering the wands like a stake into the top of her head.

The spell flared into a solid bright beam of light magic, disappearing into the body of Jayne's mom. Mrs. Cobb, not used to waking up to events like this, began shrieking loudly.

Harry had to fight the urge to apologize, and maintained his focus on the spell. The light was beginning to fluctuate intermittently and the steady stream was shifting into occasional bright flashes and muted constant trickles.

Whether it was the magic or she just got tired of screaming, Mrs. Cobb thankfully went silent and just sat there as her body tingled under the foreign sensation.

Harry squeezed every last bit of magic out of his core that he could. When he was nearing the end, Harry tapped the wand trying to knock the last drops of juice from it. Harry pulled back his hands and flashed Jayne a thumbs up. He had a weak smile on his face as he began to tip backwards, until he smashed the base of his skull on the wall, immediately falling unconscious. The last sound Harry heard was Jayne asking, "Did he just call Mom a _homo_?"


	16. CHAPTER FIFTEEN: The Book of Jayne

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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* * *

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**CHAPTER FIFTEEN – The Book of Jayne  
**

The crew of the space transport vehicle Serenity could only watch in silent shock as their green-eyed pilot tapped Mrs. Cobb on the head with his fused magical wands. It appeared as though the seven silent observers were working with a collective brain. All seven pairs of eyes widened when Jayne's mom woke up and they turned to look at Harry. When she greeted him with a "Hello?" and he responded with an explosion of light and crackling energy funneled straight into her body, all seven jaws dropped and they just gaped. They were aware Mrs. Cobb was screaming, but they couldn't tear their eyes away from the scene. Mrs. Cobb's body was changing before their eyes. Her complexion was regaining color, wrinkles seemed to disappear, and muscle tone grew right before their eyes.

Eventually Courtney Cobb had stopped screaming, and they could see the sweat dripping from Harry's brow. He looked pale and exhausted as he was shaking the wands. Finally, Harry stopped and looked up directly at Jayne, flashing him a smile and thumbs up.

This snapped Jayne out of his daze. He turned over towards the Captain and asked, "Did he just call Mom a _homo_?"

Mal watched Harry crack his head pretty hard and turned to Jayne, "I seriously doubt…" Mal began and paused completely at a loss. He gave up trying with a shrug of his shoulders and just walked over to make sure Harry wasn't bleeding profusely. Not to mention check on the status of the eerie-ass glassy-eyed stare from Mrs. Cobb.

"Courtney?" Sue called loudly from upstairs.

Zoe stepped forward to take care of him before things got out of hand. "Mr. Cobb?" Zoe greeted, halting him from coming down the stairs. "Don't worry. Your wife is fine…" Zoe trailed off as she led Sue and Matty back up to their dead-squirrel-filled living room.

River rolled her eyes. "He wasn't calling her anything. That was just the incantation for the spell. You know, like _Legilimens_."

"That's a spell?" Simon asked in shock.

Mal waved his hand in front of Courtney Cobb, gaining no response. He leaned in closer to look at her. "I think she's unconscious."

"Her eyes are open!" Jayne exclaimed.

"Thank you, Doctor," Mal snapped at Jayne, before giving Simon a significant look.

Simon jerked in surprise remembering what was going on. "Oh right. Let's take a look at her."

Simon could see that Mrs. Cobb's pupils were dilated and non-responsive. "Actually…" he diagnosed quietly. "I think she's just asleep."

"_Gorram_," Jayne said getting a closer look at his mom. "She looks thirty years younger."

Simon drew blood from her arm and had to agree. "Her muscle atrophy seems to have… vanished."

"That magic _gos se_ is rutting amazing," Jayne whispered, not wanting to be overheard.

Simon dumped half of the blood drawn into a small vial. He added a couple of small crystals and corked it. "Kaylee, honey? You mind holding this up to the light? It's probably going to take a couple minutes before you'll see a change."

Kaylee agreed immediately and held it up to light on the wall.

Simon moved down and took a look at the unconscious wizard. After checking the tenderness of the back of Harry's head, Simon took Harry's pulse and found it to be a little weak but very steady. He checked Harry's reflexes and even looked at Harry's eyes by lifting the lids. "I'm pretty sure Harry is in a low grade coma," Simon shrugged. "But I'm guessing this is normal if he knew he was going to be unconscious for forty-eight hours."

Simon turned to his sister. "_Mei-mei_? You doing okay?"

River nodded with a slight frown. "I can tell his shield is slowly degrading, but it'll last a while longer."

"Oh wow!" Kaylee said excitedly examining the vial of blood. "They're so pretty. It's glittering."

"You can see flakes?" Simon said jerking his head up.

Kaylee nodded, spinning the vial between her thumb and forefinger. "They're all silver and… shimmering."

"They're silver? You're certain?"

"Yup," Kaylee assured him.

"Not white? Or yellow?"

Kaylee shook her head determined. "Nope, silver."

"What's that, Doc?" Jayne asked heatedly. "What's silver mean?"

Simon shook his head imagining the consequences. "She's still got Beckmans." Simon quickly clarified when he saw Jayne's face fell. "It's stage I though, not stage IV. Stage I is so weak no one notices they have it. It's less than a cold." Simon smiled to see Jayne's face blossom in a way that would usually scare the bejeebus out of Simon. "A couple weeks of antibiotics and she'll be the picture of perfect health."

"You mean it?" Jayne asked. "This is… this is…"

"IT'S A MIRACLE!" Courtney Cobb shrieked loudly as her body jerked forward, sitting up from the bed.

"Aahh!" Inara shrieked back, unprepared for the woman she had been leaning over to examine, to even be awake.

Mrs. Cobb was blinking her eyes, adjusting to the light. She was lifting and flexing her hands and arms. "I felt the healing power flow through me!"

Jayne covered his mouth and whispered firmly to the people near him. "Remember, we're _spies_."

Mrs. Cobb gasped and clutched her heart staring at the ceiling. Then she gasped and clutched it again.

"Mrs. Cobb?" Simon asked franticly.

She quickly turned to Simon and smiled brightly. "Yes, Dr. Tam?"

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Never better," she nodded, grinning without falter. "Did you all see the… the flicker? And the scars on his forehead?"

River was nodding while Mrs. Cobb smiled adding, "You know where you get scars like that, don't you?"

River quirked her mouth and guessed, "Evil, dark magic?"

Jayne was about to yell at River about her poor performance in sticking to the plan, when his mom snapped back, "No!" She clutched her hands together tightly and happily answered. "Cuts like those…" Her voice dropped to a whisper as she reverently said, "You only get cuts like those from the Crown of Thorns."

"Excuse me?" Inara squeaked.

"Jesus is back!" Courtney proclaimed joyously. "Hallelujah! And traveling with my…" Courtney gasped again unaware of the complete looks of disbelief on everyone else's face. "My Jaynie! A new Apostle!"

"Aww shucks," Jayne blushed and looked down.

"Jayne," Mal said incredulously.

Jayne looked up and saw Mal's less than pleased look. Jayne remembered the plan. "Listen Mom," Jayne explained to his teary-eyed ecstatic looking mother. "It's… it's…" Jayne bit his lip unable to break his mom's heart. "You gotta keep this a secret, Mom."

"Oh Jayne," Courtney sighed in bliss.

"Oh _Jayne_," Simon spat out in disgust.

"Harry's not big on exposure right now," Jayne quickly argued. "And he's first trying to shake off the rust on his miracle-working skills," Jayne motioned towards his mother, "as you can see. It's why you can't tell anyone. Not even Matty, not even Dad."

Courtney was looking at her son solemnly. "I don't know if I can do that. I share everything with your father, with _all_ of the family."

Kaylee decided to help and suggested, "Think of this as a test of faith."

Courtney gained the necessary resolve and nodded. She held her arms out towards her son, silently calling for him. Jayne rushed forward and embraced her, while she squeezed him in a tight hug when he got close enough. "I'm so proud of you, Jaynie."

Jayne looked as happy as he does whenever he cleans Vera. "Thanks Mom," he replied quietly from her shoulder.

Courtney leaned back and looked her son in the eye. "Are you going to be writing about your travels?"

Jayne shrugged. "Uhh… sure."

Courtney's face split into another wide smile. "The Book of Jayne. I can't wait to read it."

"Oh it'll be a real page turner," Mal helpfully added.

"Book of Jayne," Jayne echoed happily.

"What?" Courtney asked.

"Rambo."

"_Wuh de tyen, ah_," Mal muttered rubbing the bridge of his nose, fighting the oncoming headache.

"Hmm?" Courtney repeated, her confusion growing.

Jayne again repeated gleefully, "Book of Jayne."

"Shouldn't we be doing something about Harry?" Kaylee suggested, while pointing to the wizard crumpled on the floor in a weak coma.

Courtney whipped her head around the bed and saw her savior unconscious on the floor. She shouted angrily, "You just left him there!" Courtney jumped up out of her bed with a youthful energy beyond her years. She bent down and picked Harry up, hefting him into the warm spot she'd vacated on her bed.

The rest of the crew just watched from the sidelines, unable to believe the hidden strength Jayne's mother possessed.

"Well," Simon pointed out hopelessly. "I think that answers any questions we had about atrophy."

"What's wrong with him? What can we do?" Courtney asked franticly looking at everyone else for assistance.

"Nothing," Simon explained. "Harry told us that… _this miracle_ would probably knock him out for at least a couple days."

Courtney again gasped, squeezing her hands together in awe. "And on the third day he shall rise again, in fulfillment of the-"

"Book of Jayne," Jayne interrupted his mom and finished for her.

Mal turned towards Inara and sighed. "This is going to be a long couple of days, isn't it?"

"Maybe you can sneak away and work on the Gospel according to Mal," Inara said with a smile.

"Oh," Courtney cheered as she got up. "Wait till I tell Sue!"

"Mom!" Jayne curtly insisted. "Secret?"

Courtney slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh right. Darn. This is going to be hard for me, isn't it?"

Simon handed her a bottle of small pills. "Take two a day. One in the morning, and one with dinner. There's enough here for two weeks. You'll probably feel fine, but you need to finish off this medication."

"Thank you, Dr. Tam," Courtney said accepting the pills. "Oh lordy, how are we going to explain this to Sue? And Matty?"

Everyone turned to Jayne and was waiting on him.

Jayne just shook his head. "No idea."

Mal closed his eyes again, while Inara answered, "They already know we were trying an experimental technique that Jayne got approval from our higher-ups to attempt."

"Ooh!" Courtney giggled. "Higher-ups! I get it!"

"Right," Inara said, trying to stem Mal's irritation. "As I was saying, we'll just explain that it worked, but for the sake of universal security we need to keep it secret for a while longer. No further explanation necessary."

"Oh that's good," Jayne admitted. "As spies, we can't answer any more questions."

"It's what we already agreed on," Inara said giving Jayne an incredulous look.

Kaylee smiled and added, "Well, cover stories or secrets aside, I'm just glad to see you doing so well, Mrs. Cobb."

"Thank you… umm…" Courtney trailed off and looked at her son expectantly.

Jayne looked around for a moment before slapping himself in the face. "_Tzao gao_! I'm sorry Mom." Jayne began pointing around the room. "Mom, I'd like you to meet Kaylee, Mal, Inara, you already know Simon, and that's his sister, River, staring at Harry's eyelids."

"Nice to meet you all," she said with a brilliant grin. "Please call me Courtney."

Mal smiled tightly at her and nodded. "Zoe's the one upstairs, keeping your husband from rushing down here. Perhaps we should…"

"Oh yes!" Courtney agreed. "Let's!" She was already halfway up the stairs when she stopped and turned to the others. "Are you sure he's going to be alright?"

Simon muttered, "I'm not sure he was alright to begin with," earning him a slap from his sister. Simon answered firmly louder, "It's really in his hands not ours."

"Of course," Courtney agreed and she hurried the rest of the way up to her living room.

"Sue!" she called out at the sight of her husband.

"Courtney? Is that you?" the older man said barely recognizing the energetic woman.

"Jesus Christ!" Matty yelped at the sight of his healthy, happy mom.

Courtney nodded eagerly. "I know!" She immediately caught herself and covered her mouth. "Yes, dumpling. It's me." She quickly closed the gap and hugged her husband fiercely. She followed that up with unabashedly sucking his face in front of their guests.

Zoe had to look away as it seemed to be getting a bit more personal than she was comfortable to be sharing a couch with. She put her hand up to the side of her face, blocking her view, as she turned to the others. "She seems to be doing better."

Simon nodded. "She's in stage I of Beckmans now. She'll be completely healthy within a couple weeks if not sooner."

"I hope it's not sexually transmitted," Zoe mumbled afraid to look over to her side.

"Mom," Matty said getting nauseous from the scene. "_Golly_!"

Courtney hopped up off her husband's lap and ran over to her son. "Matty!" She cried hugging her youngest son. "Oh son," she sniffled squeezing him tightly.

"How… how'd this happen?"

Courtney seemed to be bursting to shout the answer to that one from the rooftops. "I… I'm really not supposed to say."

"We know," Sue admitted his eyes more than a little watery. "Government secrets and what not. Could cost our Jaynie his job if word gets around."

Courtney was nodding, still a bit hyper. "I suspect they're more forgiving than-"

Kaylee began coughing halting anything further Courtney may have been going to say.

Matty looked even younger as he watched his mom as he'd wished her to be. "You gonna be okay, Mom?"

Courtney nodded. "That's what Dr. Tam tells me." She paused a moment and couldn't contain herself. "Praise Jesus!"

Matty just rolled his eyes and walked over to his older brother. "Why is it when everyone thinks they're on their death bed, they suddenly find Jesus?"

Jayne shrugged and replied, "Because that's where he likes to hang out?"

Courtney took a step back and looked at her husband and sons. "Lordy, you boys are too thin! I told you not to starve yourselves." She bustled her familiar way towards the back of the small house. "What kind of meat have we got in the freezer that I can grill for you?"

Sue's eyes widened as he turned to Matty. "Oh dear."

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY KITCHEN!"

* * *

Harry was staring down the angry Snorkack in skimpy negligee. The curious beast's snout split open in five directions spraying the side of Harry's face with its sticky saliva, as its tongue shot out like a rocket in an arc straight into the side of Harry's head. Harry flinched at the intrusion and uncomfortable penetration. He could feel the blood rushing to his head. There was a strong pressure on his right side where the Snorkack's tongue was planting its seed. 

Blearily, Harry's eyes blinked away the bright light and he became aware he was in the Cobb's basement, having just had the typical Snorkack dream. He opened his mouth and realized it was about as dry as he was thirsty. In doing so though, he felt the immense pressure in the side of his head, most recently used as a Snorkack tongue seed receptacle. It took him a bit of effort, but Harry managed to turn his head enough to identify River lying next to him in bed shivering.

Harry immediately recast the mental shield that he knew she needed. He saw River's body had stopped twitching out of the corner of his eye, but he could see nothing indicating she was going to wake up any time soon. Unable to even turn his body over and face her, Harry limply reached across himself and began groping her abdomen and a few other places he probably shouldn't have. Holding his hand just over her heart, Harry cast an _Ennervate_ spell. Wonky as his magic was, it had a bit more juice in it than Harry intended.

River gasped loudly as she slung her upper body forward into a sitting position. Sadly the sweatshirt she had been wearing had a zipper, Harry had a pretty darn strong hangnail, and the two got caught as she whipped herself forward.

Harry screeched as he was forced halfway up using muscles unprepared for such sudden exercise. He feebly realized he was completely deaf in his right ear, and his left arm was stuck tugging across his body and approximately half of River's.

River was panting from the exertion of such an abrupt wake-up call. She looked down and saw where Harry's hand had nestled itself snugly. "What in the 'verse-"

Harry snapped backed irritably and loudly, "Get your damn breast off my hand!"

It was this statement that alerted the folks upstairs that the two pilots were awake.

River used her free arm and viciously ripped Harry's snagged hand away from her zipper, ignoring his high-pitched yelp and the resulting small pop of blood as a shallow cut replaced his hangnail.

Harry felt her tugging on his head and he wasn't quite sure why. "Why the hell is half my head numb?"

"If you would let go," River snarled. "I could explain it to you."

"I'm not holding on to anything!"

"It's your ear that won't let go of my pinky, you idiot!"

"Idiot?" Harry snapped. "You got your pinky stuck in my ear and _I'm_ the idiot?"

"Hold still," River hissed as she turned her body and put her feet on Harry's neck and side, pushing him away while pulling her pinky-trapped hand towards herself. "Just a little… more…"

Harry was suddenly feeling the numbness on the right side of his head give way to extreme sensitivity and soreness. "Wait! What're you-"

"Got it!" River exclaimed having successfully wiggled her pinky free. Unfortunately without the counterbalance the pressure her feet were putting onto Harry's body sent him flying off the bed and crashing into a couple of lawn chairs. Both of which did nothing to cushion Harry's landing on the concrete floor.

"Jesus Christ!"

That exclamation alerted River to the fact that she and Harry had acquired an audience. She turned around saw all the Cobbs and crew members assembled, watching the scene in shock, other than her brother Simon, who was smiling as if Christmas came early. River waved to the senseless group and said nothing, enjoying the quiet.

Naturally, Harry broke the blissful silence with a pain-filled exhale and moan. "I think I broke my face."

"Maybe now it'll heal properly," Simon mumbled quietly.

Mal had heard him though and looked over to the young doctor. "Feeling catty?"

Simon looked down, slightly ashamed that he had been overheard.

"Hey Doc," Mal continued when Simon looked away. "Even if the _alpha_ brother in you wants to leave Harry in pain with a broken face, you could at least check out your sister, who hasn't had the best couple of days."

Simon had already snapped into motion as soon as he heard the word 'sister.'

River assured her brother that now that Harry's shield was back up, she was doing fine. And it certainly didn't stop her from wiping the glop off her moist and swollen pinky and onto Simon's shirt.

Simon considered preventing River from wiping that orange milky substance on his shirt, but if he did, then he would need to check out Harry, so he just continued to allow his sister to clean off her pinky.

River was inching her littlest pruned finger towards her face, sniffing after each movement, trying to get a slight smell, fearful of a strong one. She looked over at her brother. "He's tired and he'll be fine. But you should check him out now."

Simon smiled at his sister and moved down to the floor where Harry had rolled over onto his back. Kaylee was giving Harry his second glass of water that he was drinking gratefully.

Harry gulped down a mouthful and exhaled loudly. "Hey Doc."

"Did you break anything?" Simon asked. "Are you sore anywhere?"

Harry shook his head. "Nothing you need to worry about. But I am…" Harry panted. "Still… really tired."

"Should you go back to sleep?" Simon asked. "Get you to eat some food before you pass out?"

Harry waved him off. "I was actually… just hoping… you might have a shot of adrenaline?"

Simon looked at Harry and offered, "I've got a couple shots of epinephrine for intracardiac injection in case I can catch an attack in progress."

"Perfect," Harry answered, slowly raising his arm and a single finger. "I'll take one of those."

Simon looked over at their audience and back at the quickly tiring Harry. "Are you serious?"

'No, that was my godfather,' was just going to take more energy than Harry had, so he decided to summarize it and said, "Yah."

"You know what you're asking for?"

"Do it…" Harry replied even slower. "_Bitch_."

Any reservations Simon had went by the wayside. He knew if Harry was serious enough to try and goad him into giving him the shot, then Harry must have known what he was doing. He reached into the bottom of his second satchel and pulled out the massive syringe. Simon turned towards the crowd and said, "Try not to freak out."

River's eyes widened at her brother's familiar choice of words and saw him pull the cover off a giant needle. He opened Harry's shirt, exposing his bare chest. Simon was rubbing over Harry's heart with his free hand, trying to locate the ribs and where to poke. Harry was just rolling his head slowly from side to side, mumbling unintelligible sounds every once in a while. Simon found the right spot and spread his forefinger and middle finger apart, right over the area. He brought the epinephrine shot down, lining up the location he wanted. He lifted the syringe up about six inches from Harry's pale chest. Simon's arm bobbed down and back up twice before he thrust it down quickly, with only a muffled _thunk_ sound indicating he'd just stabbed a needle into Harry's heart.

Loud gasps and a small shriek from his girlfriend told Simon they were all paying attention. He hurriedly, depressed the plunger on the syringe, flooding Harry's system with the hormone.

Harry just wheezed quietly and answered, "That's the stuff." Internally, he felt as though steam should be shooting out his ears.

Simon was watching Harry as he emptied the contents of the syringe. He carefully withdrew the needle and pushed a sterilized gauze pad over the tiny puncture. "No massive painful jolt of energy?"

Harry shook his head and motioned Simon closer with his finger.

Simon leaned down and Harry whispered to him. "My magic's back up to strength, it's just the body that's still tired. And using the real stuff that you just pumped me with is much better for me than if I tried to force it magically."

Simon leaned back and whispered to Harry. "You know I have absolutely no understanding of your chicken bone shaking voodoo demon rituals."

Harry nodded and sat up feeling significantly better. He spoke in a normal voice. "It's why I can temper the effects and it's as smooth as a cup of coffee waking you up." Harry cocked his head and stretched his muscles. "Thanks Doc."

"That was awesome!" Matty called out, earning himself a cuff on the head from his mother.

Harry smiled and buttoned his shirt back together. He looked up at Jayne's mom and saw how much better she was doing. She had a very soft, warm face and looked on the brink of tears. Her curly blonde hair made her look like a bubbly version of Jayne in a wig. But it was the smile on her face that scared the hell out of Harry. Harry was immediately reminded of how the wizarding world viewed him immediately following nearly every Dark Lord defeat. "Mrs. Cobb," Harry apprehensively greeted. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm Harry."

Courtney nodded eagerly with a wide grin. "I know who you are."

"Well great," Harry replied uncertainly. He saw Jayne seemed to be miming something about a plane's wings, or some kind of dead bird praying. Harry turned to Simon and got up off the floor. Harry asked quietly, "So it worked?"

Simon nodded and explained aloud. "She's down to Beckmans stage I. Antibiotics can finish it off and she'll be a hundred percent."

"Fantastic," Harry said smiling at the twittering woman. "That's great news for you, Mrs. Cobb."

"Please call me Courtney," she replied. "I… I… how shall I refer to you?"

"Harry's great, thanks," Harry assured her sniffing the air. "Something burning?"

"_Gos se_!" Matty exclaimed and hurried up the stairs.

Courtney waved at Harry explaining, "Just some bacon."

Harry's eyebrows perked up. "Bacon?"

"Oh you must be starving!" Courtney exclaimed remembering her manners. "I'll get our feast going!" She was still grinning madly and hurried back up the stairs.

"You okay, Harry?" Zoe asked, wondering if anyone was ever going to inquire.

Harry nodded. "Yup. Just happy to see Courtney doing so well."

"Th- thanks Harry," Sue said with a catch in his voice.

Harry waved him off. "Happy to help." Anything further Harry was going to say was cut off as Jayne grabbed Harry in a tight hug, squeezing him harder than was probably healthy.

"I love you, Harry," Jayne said loud and proud.

Harry tried to pat Jayne on the back, but could barely move his arms in Jayne's firm embrace. "Let's just be friends, Jayne."

Jayne laughed out loud and took the chance to whisper in Harry's ear. "By the way, my mom thinks you're Jesus Christ." Jayne backed off and smiled at Harry, before turning and leading his father upstairs to help with the feast.

Harry just watched Jayne sling an arm around his father's shoulder and leave Harry standing there with the rest of the crew. "Courtney…"

"Yup," Mal answered.

"Thinks I'm…"

"Mmm-hmm," Inara asserted.

"Jesus Christ."

"You said it, man," River agreed with a slight island native accent.

Harry sighed. He took a deep breath. And then he sighed again. "Why does this always happen to me?" Harry whined with a shake of his head as he hopped up the stairs to check out this alleged feast.

The rest of the crew exchanged looks of confusion, realizing there was an awful lot they still didn't know about their newest pilot. They silently fell into line and walked up the stairs to see the bustling action in the kitchen.

Harry walked over towards Matty, who was manning a frying pan. "Is that… bacon?"

Matty nodded affirmatively.

"I've never seen it so… small and thin."

"It's squirrel," Matty explained.

"Squirrel bacon?" Harry asked Matty in surprise. "How is it?"

Matty grinned and held up the plate with the finished bacon cooling. "Try some."

Harry helped himself to the least gristly looking little piece he could find. He stuck it in his mouth and bit off the end. Or at least tried to. It took more than a bit of effort as Harry wrestled with the tough squirrel bacon. Finally it snapped apart, and Harry had a bite in his mouth that he began to chew. And chew. And chew a little more. Harry weakly forced himself to swallow. "Such a uniquely leather like texture."

Matty nodded. "It's for the cat."

Harry swallowed the last of the horrid tasting gristle jerky down. "Lucky cat."

Courtney just now noticed, Harry holding a piece of squirrel bacon. "Matty!" Courtney turned to Harry and winked, "Jesus, I'm sorry about that, err... _Harry_. It's just a little something Mr. Boris likes to nibble. And it makes his hairballs tastier, so he cleans up after himself." She turned to her son and smacked him quite hard on his rear. "Matty, quit trying to trick the guests."

"I heard mention of a feast and was wondering if I could help with anything," Harry offered.

Courtney shook her head fiercely, "Heavens, no," she slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh I'm sorry."

Harry held his hand up in deference. "Mrs. Cobb, Courtney," Harry smiled warmly. "Don't worry about me. I'm a fair hand in the kitchen and just wanted to help if it's needed."

"You're bleeding!" Courtney announced, pointing to the remains of Harry's hangnail.

Harry looked at his finger, and flaked away the dried blood. "Oh it's nothing."

"No," Courtney explained. "It just gave me an idea." She grinned victoriously. "You could bring the wine."

Harry opened his mouth and then shut it. He saw the rest of the crew was snickering at him. He just nodded at Jayne's mom and turned to leave the kitchen. "I'll get the wine."

Courtney smiled brightly and went back to preparing the side dishes while the roast cooked in the oven. Harry was just about out the door, headed towards where the ship was when Courtney added, "There's a hose around to the side if you want."

Harry just shook his head and went back to the ship to get the wine. River decided to follow him and caught up with him just as he reached Serenity.

Harry turned to the mischievous young woman. "How bad were the last couple days?"

River's eyes told Harry everything he needed to know. "Not easy."

Harry chuckled. "Good."

River looked at Harry curiously.

Harry explained, "Knowing how bad it can be, can make you more determined to succeed."

"True," River argued. "But that doesn't mean _you_ have to enjoy it so much."

Harry grinned. "Mind explaining just why you were doing exploratory surgery with your pinky?"

River flushed and shook her head. "I tried to keep that shield up, and lasted for almost eight hours, before I couldn't take it. Being closer to you seemed to help and I didn't want to be sedated." River sighed. "Didn't help any. I tried sticking your thumb in me."

Harry turned and gave River a horrified look.

"Simon stopped me before we got too far, but I could tell it wasn't going to help." River admitted ignoring Harry's nervous demeanor. "So then I tried sticking my thumb in you. It fit a couple of places, some easier than others."

Harry gulped, feeling decidedly unclean, and promising to maintain consciousness around River at all times in the future.

"But none of them seemed to help either." River was looking down trying to hide her evil grin. "Eventually, I got a little shortening from Courtney, and managed to get my pinky in your ear. I thought it was helping, but mainly I think it just wasn't getting proper circulation. When it didn't seem to want to come out, I had Simon sedate me." River explained. "Speaking of, I should have been out for a while longer. You know anything about that?"

Harry nodded. "Magic? Ring any bells?" Harry pulled open one of the cupboards in the kitchen. He went into a box and found two bottles of red wine. "Got 'em." Harry turned to River. "Can I trust you not to violate my body or thumb again?"

"No," River replied honestly.

Harry shook his head. "Let's get to this feast. I'm starving."

The Cobbs had prepared enough food to make a house-elf proud. Harry double-checked everything was people food before eating, and greatly appreciated all the odd toasts people kept calling out and cheering. Ignoring the occasional veiled hints and suggestions for sainthood, Harry was warmly reminded of the sense of family he always got from the Weasleys. It was a very pleasant dinner affair during which Harry felt the curious looks of his crew members. Apparently their thirst for a few more answers, having now seen magic first hand, was growing.

After the meal and three different dessert courses, Mal stood up and announced, "This has been an excellent meal Courtney, but it's probably about time we got on our way."

"Wait!" She called out, jumping from her seat. "Before you go…" She came swooping back in carrying three gift bags. "I had a few things I wanted to give you."

"Dr. Tam," Courtney announced handing him the first bag. "I know you keep saying you were just doing your job, but I won't take no for an answer."

Simon accepted the bag as she turned to Harry and handed him the next. Courtney tried to put her feelings into words. "Meeting you… It's… 'Thank you' is insufficient but I-"

"You're welcome," Harry assured her. "And thank _you_ for the gift." Harry accepted his small bag and looked in it. "Wow!" Harry reached in, and pulled out a homemade knit hat, complete with ear flaps, and a pom-pom on top. It was a very soft wool, primarily gray intermixed with white and a little green to match his eyes. Harry took it out and immediately tried it on.

At this same time, Simon was reaching into his bag and discovering he also received a hat, very similar to Harry's, only colored a glowing bright red. "Wow." He echoed less than enthusiastically.

"Go on," Harry cheered looking a bit childishly goofy. "Put it on."

Simon was staring at Harry and reluctantly did just that. Simon saw everyone not named Cobb or Harry was snickering at him. He turned towards his girlfriend. "How's it look?"

"Discerning," Kaylee answered. "No… wait, that's a _shrewd_ hat."

"Thanks," Simon nodded. He turned towards Courtney and kept smiling. "Thank you."

Harry looked out towards everyone. "What about mine? How's it look?"

Without pause River answered, "Guileful," she nodded very seriously. "With a splash of savior-faire."

Jayne grinned. "I like it."

"I must admit," Simon smiled. "I do feel special."

"That's the spirit, Doc," Harry said slapping him on the shoulder probably harder than necessary.

Courtney smiled and presented her son with the final gift bag she had brought out. "This is for you Jaynie."

Jayne took his bag and dug right in pulling out his present. "A notebook!" Jayne exclaimed, "My very first notebook!"

Everyone smiled at Jayne's amazement.

"It's a journal for you Jaynie," she nodded with a wink. "So that you can write about your travels."

Jayne looked up in glee. "You know what I'm holding?"

"Yes," Zoe answered before Jayne started repeating himself. "We know what that is."

Jayne pressed his new notebook, better known as the Book of Jayne, up against his body in a hug. "Thanks Mom. This is great."

"I can't believe this is happening," Mal mumbled.

"Okay," Courtney announced moving around the dinner table. "I need hugs before you go. And Jaynie, you need to promise to write more."

"I will Mom," Jayne agreed like the scolded child he was.

They all finished saying their goodbyes, and the group of eight was walking the cobblestone path back to Serenity in a far better mood than the one in which they had arrived. Jayne was half-drunk on happiness, not just for his mom or his new book, but also to be saying goodbye to family. Three days was about the upper limit for what counts as healthy when it comes to staying with family.

Harry felt the tension of the silence as they walked. They all seemed to be stealing glances at him, unsure of what he might do next. Harry caught all of their gazes at one point or another, not willing to start the conversation. They went in the side cargo door, single file. Just as Harry stepped on to the ship, Mal spoke up. "Harry? You mind answering a few more questions now?"

Harry felt everyone watching him. "Yeah. I think it's probably time I did."

More than a few crew members were surprised and looking forward to this. River announced, "I'll make some popcorn."

"Wait!" Jayne announced. "Before we start, just gimme a minute. I just gotta do this one thing." Jayne hurried off towards his bunk, carrying his duffle bag and changes of clothes.

Jayne slid down into his bunk and tossed his clothes to the side. He looked in his nightstand drawer and found what he was searching for: a pencil. Jayne sat his new book down on his bed reverently. He cracked it open to the first page and prepared himself.

In big letters on the first page, he wrote "The Book of Jayne," while unconsciously saying the words out loud as he his pencil moved across the page. Next he wrote "Date:" and then paused to think about it. After a tense silence he wrote down, "Today." Jayne then paused to think about it again, before frowning and scribbling out where he'd written "Date: Today."

Jayne moved down to the next line, and this time wrote "1." before stopping to chew on his pencil. After careful consideration, he began to write and speak out loud in a very dull monotone voice. "Today Harry finally woke up. He shrieked and got a needle of good drugs jammed into his heart. It was pretty shiny. I think Kaylee mighta wet herself. After that, I remember... some wine… and some _impressive_ hats. And I think Harry felt up River. So far, a good day."

Jayne carefully and gently closed the Book of Jayne. "Book of Jayne."

Jayne hurried back to the dining area, where they were all preparing themselves for a right and proper interrogation. "So Harry… what the rut are you?"


	17. CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Evolutionary Harry

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER SIXTEEN – Evolutionary Harry **

"Harry," Mal ordered. "Set a course for Changtown. We'll figure out the details once we're in com range later."

Harry nodded and went to the bridge to take off while River delighted in preparing snacks.

Simon went to put his new hat into his bunk area. He decided it would look best stuffed in the back of a drawer, preferably behind some old socks thus decreasing the likelihood of Kaylee cooing over it and using her womanly wiles to make him wear the goofy thing.

When Harry returned after setting the autopilot once they were deep enough into the black, he saw River, Zoe, Inara, Mal, Kaylee, and Simon all waiting patiently and quietly looking up at him. "Jayne still not back yet?"

River explained. "I heard him writing out loud. So it could take him a little while."

Harry nodded his head, feeling the pompom on his hat bob back and forth.

"Must you wear that hat?" Simon asked closing his eyes in frustration.

Harry shook his head flipping the ear flaps back and forth. "I suppose I don't _have_ to."

"Because I can't take you seriously with that hat and all the voodoo mumbo-jumbo you're going to be trying to sell us on." Simon explained. "It's one or the other." He paused again and clarified, "If that many."

Harry felt like being nice and took his hat off. "How'd Courtney come to the conclusion I was Jesus?"

"I'm putting my money on the whole healing her miraculously bit," Mal replied wryly.

River shook her head. "She did feel the _healing power_ as she called it, but she also caught a glimpse of jagged scars on your forehead. She was confident they were from the Crown of Thorns."

"Really," Harry mused.

"I saw them too," River added accusingly.

Harry made a thoughtful noise to himself.

"And then there's the whole, on the third day you rose again," Kaylee added with a smile.

Zoe rolled her eyes. "More than anything it was the apostle Jayne didn't want to let his Mom down."

Harry nodded. "Perfectly understandable."

Shortly thereafter, Jayne finally returned and blurted out, "So Harry… what the rut are you?"

Harry chuckled and waved towards the empty chair. "Have a seat. Before we jump into the question and answer section of this inquisition, I need to give you all a bit of a history lesson."

Harry pulled out his lovely communicator and wiggled the device before setting it on the table in front of him. "Frank here knows most of this, so he may be able to help us out on some bits."

"I don't _know_ any of this," Mr. Universe's voice called out. "Harry's explained plenty, but for the most part it's completely irrational and illogical."

"Yeah, that too," Harry agreed before clapping with a smile. "Okay, first things first. Is there anyone with doubts that magic is real? Or skeptical of the things you've already seen me do?"

"Doubts magic's real? I don't know…" Mal answered. "Skeptical of you? _Yes_."

Harry smiled, "Fair enough." Harry reached into his once again disillusioned homemade holster and withdrew his wand. Hoping to impress them, while sticking to his silent casting, Harry snapped his wand at each of them individually in rapid succession.

Zoe tried to duck the incoming jet of light but was unable to. Her upper lip sprouted into a large bushy moustache. "Aiee!"

The Captain began giggling uncontrollably.

Inara could only look down in shock as her skin was glowing bright blue. "What in the…"

Simon was yelping soundlessly, while his girlfriend was watching the impossibly colored butterflies flittering around her. "Wow…"

River's eyes widened and narrowed as she just sat there frowning. She was completely ignoring Jayne's calls of "Wheee!" while he hovered in the air.

Harry smiled as he slowly floated a joyously clapping Jayne over the heads of the others. "What you've just seen are some of the most basic simple and harmless charms, many of which the average wizard or witch should learn in their first couple of years of schooling."

"Zoe," Harry announced, pointing to the woman tugging on her own upper lip, "was lucky enough to get a simple conjured moustache. The Captain was hit with what's called a tickling charm. Inara's skin color will return on its own within an hour if left uncountered. Simon has been hit with a silencing charm, something I'm very grateful for by the way. None of the rest of you can see them, but Kaylee's been watching some illusionary butterflies, that she will assure you are quite pretty and colorful."

Kaylee was nodding happily.

"Levitating an object was in fact the first thing I learned in Charms class, though it is highly dangerous to use on a person, unless properly modified, which I have for Jayne. And River…" Harry smiled at her. "Aren't you going to share with the group?"

She just kept frowning at Harry. Harry rolled his eyes at her and twisted his wand sharply, spinning her chair with her in it to face away from the others. It was only then that they all got a look at River's happily wagging black furry new tail. At being put on display it quickly shunned the attention and curled under her chair.

"River's tail is a bit more complicated than Zoe's lip ferret," Harry explained. "Because unless I change it back, then it's probably permanent."

Harry lowered Jayne down to his seat, vanished Zoe's moustache, canceled the tickling charm on the Captain, dispelled the butterflies, and countered Inara's skin tone. "Now when I speak of magic, are you willing to simply accept what I'm saying as at least _possible_ truth rather than dismissing it outright?"

Simon was turning red and pointing to himself.

Harry wiggled his wand and tried to look innocent. "Oops. I must have forgotten to remove your silencing charm. Honest mistake."

The first sound out of Simon's mouth was an angry growl.

"Ahem," River cleared her throat loudly.

Harry pouted. "You don't want to keep your tail? I think it's cute."

"Me too," Kaylee assured her.

River's harsh face gave way to a slight blush and explained, "That's wonderful. But I'm simply not used to feeling butt muscles working that way and in that particular location. If it's all the same to you, I would rather not get accustomed to it."

"Very well," Harry reluctantly transfigured her tailbone back to normal. "Alright then, so magic is real and a lot more than just parlor tricks with cards, doves, and rabbits in hats. You need to realize that the magical world has stayed hidden from the muggle world ever since about the tenth century. Before then muggles and wizards-"

"Hang on, Harry," the disembodied voice of the communicator called out. "First, you all should realize that non-magical people are called _muggles_," Mr. Universe said distastefully. "That's what all of you are: muggles in your muggle world. Doesn't that make you feel all fuzzy, cuddly, and completely insignificant, you muggling muggly muggles?"

"Right, muggling muggly muggles," Harry corrected himself with a slight roll of his eyes. "Forgot about that. And sorry, no, I didn't make up these words, so please don't take offense. As I was saying, around the tenth century, the existence of magic was hidden from _non-magical_ people and the entire society became something of a secret. This was also the time when the first real school for magic was created, as opposed to the longstanding tradition of apprenticeships." Harry grinned and explained, "As River may have guessed, the first and finest school of magic in all of Europe and arguably the planet Earth was called _Hogwarts_."

"That book of yours?" Jayne asked in remembrance.

Harry nodded. "Yes, it's a written account of history for both the castle which was the school grounds, as well as the school itself. That book carries muggle aversion charms, and that was why if you found yourself trying to look at it, or read it, your attention was then diverted and you forgot about it."

"I wondered what that was," River admitted.

"Yeah," Harry said. "You fought the effects of the charm and were able to read the title. That was… surprising."

"Why's that?" Simon asked.

Harry shrugged. "Because the charm was designed to keep non-magical people from reading the book or title, and it seemed to work on the rest of you."

"So I'm _sort of_ magical?" River asked for clarification.

"Sort of? Sure, that's about as certain as I am, _sort of_," Harry agreed. "Anyways, the gist of this is that magic has been around since before the written word. Ancient Egyptian temples had all sorts of magical enchantments, traps, wards, and protections on them. This isn't some freak occurrence with just me, but a very real thing that's been around as long as there have been non-magical people."

"So there's a lot of wizards out there?" Mal asked. "More people… _like you_?"

"Hang on a second," Harry said. "You're getting ahead of me here. Anyways magic, just like any other sufficiently advanced technology, tool, or power, can be extremely violent and dangerous. There has been a long line of evil wizards harming magical and non-magical people, just the same as there has been a long line of wizards willing to stand up to them and stop them. The difference being, in the non-magical world, the strongest man and the weakest man are not as vastly different in physical capabilities. But in the magical world the strongest men have a power and control that the weaker could never hope to match, not even with numbers or tools."

Harry saw he had their attention and asked, "Tell me, are any of you familiar with Earth's history and World War II? The Nazi leader Adolf Hitler?" After receiving a few nods of recognition, Harry continued. "On a side note, he achieved a lot of his power thanks to the help of an evil wizard of the time. But the point I'm trying to make is that he led a vast army across Europe, terrorizing millions. In the non-magical world, you need influence, political might, and an army to accomplish anything like that. In the magical world, it is much easier, and much more dangerous, as the strongest of wizards could annihilate armies on their own sometimes. I'm referring to massacres from a singular, focused person, without restraint, and only their own conscience to answer to."

"Are you trying to make us feel better about magic?" Inara asked as her brow kept furrowing in worry.

Harry shook his head. "I'm not meaning to scare you. I'm just trying to explain it so that when I say there was a dark wizard reigning terror, you're not simply thinking about a serial killer with a few dozen targets, but thinking more along the lines of a large-scale cultural genocide."

"The bad man who murdered your parents when you were fifteen months old," River recalled out loud.

Harry nodded with a sad smile.

"What?" Jayne said looking over at River, immediately thinking of his own Mom's brush with death.

"That was why I had to live with my aunt and uncle," Harry explained. "They were non-magical, even though my mum was a muggle-born – that's a magical person born from non-magical parents – and so my aunt and uncle took out their fear of magic on me. Not the best childhood, though I know of many much worse.

"Anyways, the point I'm trying to get to is that an especially nasty wizard rose to power and killed both of my parents," Harry continued. "When I was old enough I began to learn magic, and discovered all about the magical world. The short and easiest answer is that there are no limits to what magic is capable of. And for every horror story I mention there are thousands upon thousands of good wizards helping others and doing all they can to stop the evil wizards."

"So now you're trying to hunt down your parents' killer?" Kaylee asked with watery eyes.

Harry chuckled and shook his head. "No, not in the slightest."

"You really did kill fifty men the day your wife was kidnapped, didn't you?" Zoe asked, thinking back to her whiskey enhanced conversation.

"Fifty?" Jayne repeated with an impressed nod.

"_Wife_?" River asked in shock.

Harry nodded. "Yes and yes, but we're nearing the interesting part of the story."

"We're not there yet?" Inara asked unsure how much more she could be expected to believe.

Mr. Universe's knowing chuckles could be heard clearly.

"You haven't said where you grew up," Simon stated suspiciously. "Or what planet or planets these things happen on."

"Exactly," Harry agreed tapping his nose and pointing at Simon. "Because my parents were murdered on Halloween… _1981_." If silence was Harry's goal, that line accomplished it brusquely.

"Excuse me?" Mal softly asked.

Harry nodded. "I lived my entire life on Earth up until two years ago when I was awoken from my magical slumber. Let me tell you, I didn't expect I'd be napping for four centuries and I certainly didn't expect so much to change in that time."

"You're _five hunnert_ some odd years old?" Jayne asked in disbelief.

"No, not at all," Harry explained. "Not even wizards live that long… well unless they have Elixir of Life but…never mind. No, I was outside of time and existing only in a small space for over 386 years."

River's eyes widened.

Simon shook his head in disbelief running the numbers in his head, "Hang on…"

"You're 154 years old?" River asked beating her brother to the punch.

Harry nodded.

Jayne jerked his head up. "And that's _better_?"

Harry shrugged. "Because of the magic in wizards and witches, we frequently have life spans far greater than muggles. Not too many live to be 200, but I've met a couple."

"154?" Inara asked in disbelief.

Harry nodded.

"You really were married 115 years!" Zoe shouted.

Harry grinned. "Yup and it still wasn't enough."

"Wait," Mal said thinking about these revelations. "If you're not trying to hunt down your parents' killer, what are you always looking for?"

"Answers," Harry said with a sigh. "Like I said, two years ago I woke up in essentially the future from my perspective. And I've not found a single witch, wizard, or hint towards where one might be. Nor even confirmation they still exist. As far as I can tell, I am the last wizard in the 'verse and I've got no idea why." Harry finished exasperatedly.

"That's horrible," Kaylee sympathized.

"How many wizards were there last time you looked?" Jayne asked.

Harry thought about it tapping his chin. "I know just in England, there were roughly a million, and the Quidditch World Cup routinely pulled in a hundred thousand world-wide, so probably at least fifteen million, maybe more."

"A society of millions right under our noses?" Simon asked in disbelief.

"Quit what cup?" Jayne asked.

"_Quidditch_ World Cup," Harry corrected. "Quidditch is the premiere wizarding sport. Very popular, fun, and dangerous. I've got a book on it if you want."

"Yes but we can't read it, can we?" Inara pointed out.

Harry waved her off. "That's just magic. I can spell the few books I do have so they're normal enough for you to read."

"So your freakishness isn't contagious?" River asked.

Harry shook his head. "Might be nice if it was. Then again, it's supposedly genetic so…"

"So what are we looking for?" Zoe asked. "Or what have you found so far?"

Harry grinned at her choice of words. "_We_? Does that mean you're going to help me?"

"Of course we are!" Jayne insisted and turned to the Captain. "Right Mal?"

Mal seemed a bit reticent but grudgingly admitted. "Well now that we know, it ain't like our eyes won't be open. I'm not ready to jump headfirst into some crusade, but jobs take us all across the 'verse."

Zoe nodded, "That's why you kept moving around and switching crews with Monty and Fanty and Mingo."

Harry agreed. "Yup. And as for what I've found, the answer is not much." Harry grinned. "Although I do have one thing here you might appreciate, and should make more sense now." Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a small leather pouch. He tossed it to River.

River opened it and looked in. "Ham cubes?" A curious eyebrow rose. "Are these _magical_ ham cubes?"

Harry pointed and encouraged her. "Go ahead, empty it onto the table."

She turned it over and shook out more ham cubes than could have possibly fit into it. She turned it back and looked again. "It's at the same level?"

"Yup," Harry explained. "Those aren't conjured food either. That's real sustenance. A never-ending pouch of ham cubes. I used to have a never-ending pouch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but that was before I went to sleep."

"What's the difference with conjured food?" Simon asked.

Harry grinned widely and explained, "Conjured food is just a piece of magic. You can make it look, smell, taste, and act just like real food, but it's temporary. It will sate your appetite for the moment, but it doesn't help your body any. Eventually the elements in it, or the sustenance sitting in your belly, will just disappear and evaporate back into the nothingness it came from, usually after about an hour. For example, the doughnuts I _picked up_ in space were conjured."

"Hold on a second," Inara said with wide eyes and her arms out stopping all conversation. "Are you telling me you can create all the foods we could ever want to eat, make them delicious, satisfying, and we'd never gain a pound?"

"If you factor in the effort it takes to chew, swallow, and digest, you're actually burning extra calories and losing weight," Harry added with a smirk.

"_Wu de ma_!" Kaylee exhaled in awe. "You're the next step in evolution!"

Harry just chuckled both from the looks of amazement and Simon's jealous frown. "Conjuring is a pretty simple form of magic," Harry said and pointed to the ham cubes. "But a never-ending source of the real stuff can be priceless. Especially since you can make it magically taste like something other ham."

Mal shook his head with a grin. "I thought you were just _gorram_ weird with all your ham cubes."

"He is!" Simon insisted.

"You guys want to see the few other magical things I've managed to locate?"

"Yeah!" Kaylee agreed immediately.

"Harry?" Zoe asked as Harry turned to go to his bunk. "Doughnuts?"

"Oooh! Strawberries!" Kaylee squealed.

Harry rolled his eyes and vanished the smelly pile of ham cubes first. He focused for a moment, concentrating and snapped his wand down creating the exact same pink box of pastries he had shared with them the first time. With a twist of his wand, Harry transfigured the salt shaker on the table into a small bowl. He then thought back to the appearance, texture, and flavor, before filling the bowl to the brim with luscious, firm strawberries. "I'm not sure if I got the flavor right. I know the jam better than the fruit."

Harry walked halfway to the door and stopped himself. "Merlin, I can forget the obvious." He stopped and turned around watching as they all dug into the magical creations.

Mal looked up at Harry and asked, "Merlin?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I'm too used to hiding my magic."

"Aren't you going to get your other magical stuff?"

"Yup," Harry agreed. "I just forget sometimes that I'm a wizard." Just then Harry stuck his hand out and caught his rucksack that was flying at him from down the hall.

"What was that?" Mal asked.

Harry explained. "I just summoned my rucksack to myself, seeing as I don't have to hide my ability to do magic. I forgot I could do that and got up thinking I needed to walk back to my bunk."

"You did float Zoe to her room!" Jayne exclaimed jumping up. "I wasn't hallucinating!"

Harry's eyes twinkled as he held a small smile.

"You banged her head pretty hard along the way," Jayne remembered.

Zoe snapped a glare up at Harry, who had lost his smile rather quickly. The bit of doughnut jelly on the side of her face wasn't helping Harry any.

"Oh what are you angry about?" Jayne scolded her. "You didn't even know he slammed you into the wall before I told you."

"Slammed?" Zoe repeated with a dangerous tone.

"Jayne makes a good point," Harry assured her. "If you didn't feel it in the morning, no harm, no foul. Right?"

Zoe pondered a snappy comeback but didn't get a chance as Harry rushed to redirect the conversation. "Okay folks," Harry explained. "Here's what I've come up with so far: the two wands I keep with me are the ones best suited for me."

"Are wands different?" Inara asked.

Harry nodded. "Every wand is unique. There's a whole spectrum of types of wood used, and materials for the core. Some use phoenix feathers, others dragon heartstrings, unicorn hairs, there's all sorts of materials that can function as magical foci."

"What?" Simon snapped. "Dragons? Unicorns? This _fei hua_ isn't real."

Harry rolled his eyes. "And I'm sure a week ago, you'd say the same about magic."

That shut Simon up momentarily.

"Besides," Harry agreed. "As far as I know, they may have all been wiped out by the atmospheric collapse back on Earth. But many of the legends and myths you've heard stories about are based on truths."

"It's simply not possible that you could hide a society of millions and magical creatures as recently as the twentieth century," Simon argued looking at his sister for help.

Harry shrugged, "I know they were still around up until the _Exodus for Existence_."

"The what?" Jayne asked.

"_Exodus for Existence_," Harry explained. "It was apparently the name of the campaign among wizards to abandon the planet. There were some transport ships made exclusively for the magical world, though from what I can tell a lot of magical folk rode intermixed with muggles."

"Wouldn't someone have noticed the people swinging their twigs around conjuring stuff though?"

"According to what I read," Harry replied. "There was a contingent of aurors, those are magical police basically, on every intermixed ship. And they were charged with maintaining the Statute of Secrecy."

"What does that mean?" Mal asked wary of the implications.

"What Harry's trying to say," Mr. Universe translated, "is that any slip-ups where magic is noticed, and they'll wipe your memories ensuring you forget anything out of the ordinary."

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air until Harry shrugged. "Obliviation, or memory charms, is how any time word of the magical world gets out to muggles, they can erase the evidence from people's minds. It's why there's never any confirmed sightings of magical creatures or people doing seemingly impossible things. All the nation's leaders were aware of the magical world and the two governments, muggle and magical, would work together to a degree. When a new muggle president is elected or prime minister comes into power, the previous one would then either be obliviated, or magically bound to secrecy. It's just the way they did it in my time."

"But not anymore," River said.

Harry turned to her and shrugged. "There aren't even nations anymore. We've got one ruling body for the whole verse, and it's still pretty young. And I've not found any sign that wizards were even known about, or hunted down to extinction. Whatever killed them all, or wherever they may have been banished to, or went of their own free will… I've found nothing."

"So you telling us about magic would be a violation of this Statute of Secrecy and they could be coming to wipe our brains right now?" Simon asked skeptically.

Harry chuckled. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'd love it if that were true. I've been keeping it a secret for my own purposes, not for any misguided belief that I should follow old laws that no one exists to enforce."

"Have you wiped my brain?" River narrowed her eyes and asked.

Harry raised his hands in deference and didn't have to answer when Mr. Universe did it for him. "Harry hasn't messed with anyone's head on this crew. But he has fiddled with memories of many others. That's how he keeps silencing my discovery when techs at the Alliance locate signs of me on their systems. It's also how Dick Johnson, the graveyard foreman from your last job knew what to report. And you can trust me, because he can't obliviate a digital sentience."

"I wouldn't mess with anyone's head unless it became necessary," Harry explained. "And you're right. This sort of power could be horribly abused and misused. But as Courtney and Jayne would both argue it can be used to do wonderful things as well." Harry saw the beginnings of fear creeping into their eyes and sighed knowing only time would ease their minds.

"Look," Harry argued. "I've been with you guys for a while, and now you're beginning to get an idea of the things I am capable of. I've only been doing my best to help you and if nothing else, River's been making a lot of progress. If you're not comfortable with me here, I'll help her to the point where she can be the pilot you wanted her to be, and I'll leave you guys alone. I'm pretty used to being looked at with fear, but that doesn't mean I like it. So I'm trying to allay your fears here. Ask me anything. I won't take offense."

Uncertain looks were traded among all the members of the crew, other than River who was just staring right at Harry.

Finally Mal broke the tense silence and asked, "So what can you do? What sorts of things do wizards treat as second nature that you have to hide?"

Harry grinned, hoping this would be a more friendly direction. "I'm of the opinion that magic is limitless, it's only the people that have limits. Conjuring can be used for all sorts of purposes. Transfiguration is where you turn one thing into another. There are spells, charms, curses, jinxes, and hexes for all sorts of different purposes. But there's an awful lot of offensive and defensive magic for battles, duels, warding, protection, and more." Harry was smiling and saw some honest curiosity, not just fear, reflected in the others' eyes.

"Those are all just the usual wand-based magics though," Harry explained. "Many of those things are possible without a wand, just more difficult to accomplish. But there's all kinds of other fields of magic. Like potions, for example, is where you combine magical ingredients and elements to create all sorts of effects. And then there are innate talents too. Probably one of those you'll find most interesting is called _Legilimency_."

Simon and River both stiffened at that word.

Harry nodded. "_Legilimency_ is a mind art where you can pick up on the sort of brainwaves, mental images, and thoughts of others. As you may have surmised, I'm pretty sure reading, and what River does, is just a wild uncontrolled talent in _Legilimency_. Another mind art, on the opposite side of that spectrum is _Occlumency_," Harry grinned. "_Occlumency_ is the organization of your own mind, and it's also the defense to protect from _Legilimency_. I'm sure you remember how warmly Miss Tam reacted to my initial presence, and that was because her wild _Legilimency_ could not pass my _Occlumens_ shield. What I've been doing is trying to find a way to relate these same ideas and concepts, but without the strength of magic backing up these arts. The principles so far, have been working quite well."

River could feel everyone looking at her and started feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Another branch of magic that I'm uncertain but I think River may have a slight gift for is that of divination." Harry continued. "Divination, at least on Earth, was sometimes based on celestial events and reading the stars. Centaurs are especially noted for their ability to interpret the stars. Of course all of this comes from a perspective that we were on the only planet we'd ever inhabit, so I couldn't even guess how divination would be effected or altered. There are branches of divination not based on the stars, but based on the inner eye. Often, consulting the supposed inner eye and you can get feelings or instincts that go beyond the present time and can interpret future events. Occasionally Seers become channels for prophecies, often assumed to have come from destiny or fate."

Harry saw the looks on their faces and nodded. "Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of faith in divination either, but there have been some genuine Seers and plenty of prophecies throughout time."

"So there's people that can see the future? For real?" Jayne asked.

Harry shrugged. "Most of the true Seers go crazy and die pretty young, so it's not exactly one of the most pleasant gifts." Harry explained, trying to remember what other forms of magic there are. "Oh! I just thought of some of the more pointless innate magical talents, and those are magical languages. For example, I happen to be a parselmouth, and the language I can speak and understand is called parseltongue."

"What does that mean?" Kaylee asked. "A _magical_ language."

Harry grinned and admitted. "It means I can talk to snakes. And understand what they say."

"Snakes… talk?" Zoe asked uncertainly.

Harry chuckled. "After everything I've said the idea that snakes can communicate with each other is what you doubt?" Harry aimed his wand on the table in front of him and cast, "_Serpensortia_."

A four-foot common looking brown snake erupted from the tip of Harry's wand and plopped itself onto the table in front of him. Harry looked down at the magical creation and hissed in parseltongue, "_Hello_."

"_Greetings_," the snake hissed back.

Harry saw the looks of amazement and slight fear again. He turned back to the snake and hissed, "_I was just demonstrating to my friends what parseltongue sounds like._"

The snake turned its head and looked at the other crew members. "_I believe you have succeeded._"

Harry grinned and looked at the crew. "It all just sounds like a bunch of hissing to you, but if you're curious I said 'Hello.' He replied, 'Greetings.' I then told him 'I was demonstrating to my friends what parseltongue sounds like,' and he believes that I've succeeded." Harry waved his wand banishing the snake. Harry explained, "It's a good trick for freaking people out, especially wizards, considering the stigma most parselmouths have. A fair amount of parselmouths have been the evil murdering dark kind, not all of them, but enough to make every parselmouth suspicious by default."

"That's ruttin' freaky," Jayne finally said when it seemed no one else was going to speak up.

"Do snakes have much to say?" River asked curiously.

Harry shook his head. "Mundane ones aren't too bright. The bigger the snake, the bigger its brain. Magical snakes are… well they're a bit rude and arrogant, but they can be much more dangerous."

"As Harry has once more glossed over," Mr. Universe jumped in. "Mundane is basically the same word as muggle, but when referring to animals and creatures as opposed to people. A bit more respectful if you ask me."

"Right," Harry nodded.

"What's a _magical_ snake?" Inara asked intrigued.

Harry shrugged. "There's all sorts of magical snakes. One of the scariest I've had the pleasure of dealing with is the basilisk. I got to meet and kill one of those when I was twelve."

"A basilisk?" River asked, thinking about what she knew of the mythological beast. "Isn't that more like a lizard?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. Maybe according to some legends, but the actual creature is a serpent. No arms, no legs. Tricky part with them is their venom is extremely toxic, but that's usually not even an issue, because its stare can kill you. Even refracted, its stare will at least petrify you. And for example the one I got to play with when I was twelve was several centuries old and probably sixty feet long. So getting eaten was a bigger worry than a poisonous bite."

"I'm not sure I like knowing these things are real," Kaylee said warily. "It's a bit easier thinking the monsters in stories are figments of the imagination."

"True," Harry admitted. "I think I may be scaring you guys too much and that's not my intent here at all. Magic is an amazing thing. It's wonderful, and intoxicating, and frankly, waking up in a future where it seems magic doesn't exist anymore is… horrifying." Harry finished sadly. "You know what? I've got something I think you'll all appreciate."

Harry dug into his bag. He began pulling things out. "So far I've located about seventeen wands. The two that are most suited to me are the two I carry around with me. You're welcome to look at them all, but they'll probably just seem like a polished stick to you." Harry set them all out for everyone to look at. "This is a magical pocket watch," Harry showed them the odd clock-like thing. "It's broken, and probably wouldn't be accurate anyway considering the time is read off astral locations."

Harry reached his arm all the way into his bag, much further than should have been physically possible. Seeing the looks he was receiving, he explained, "This bag, if you hadn't guessed is magical as well. I refreshed a few of the charms, but unfortunately don't know enough to replicate all of them. It is much deeper than it looks obviously, and it's been spelled to a constant weight, so it doesn't matter that I've stuffed it full of all the books… I've… located… Ah-ha!" Harry announced victoriously. "This is what I think you'll like."

Harry's hand came out of his bag retrieving a very oddly shimmering material. "This is a particularly rare cloak. Even in the magical world, these are not easy to come by." Harry spun it over his shoulders, and then tucked the rest of his body under it disappearing from view.

"Whoa!" Jayne yelped happily.

"As you can see," Harry's disembodied voice said. "Or rather not see, this is called an invisibility cloak." Harry pulled it down a little in the front revealing his head. "The floating head is always fun." Harry said with a grin enjoying the looks of amazement. "I actually used to have a couple dozen of these before I went to sleep, and I'm pretty sure, that's more than twice as many as anyone else in the world."

Harry whipped the cloak all the way off and tossed it to River. "Try it on. Let me tell you, I probably would've gone crazy if I couldn't have snuck around school under one of these."

"_Would've_ gone crazy," Simon repeated watching his sister disappear from view. He reached out to where she had been and found empty air. Just behind his ear he heard, "Boo!" and he unceremoniously fell out of his chair.

Harry chuckled. "River's tricky enough on her own, but when you combine invisibility with a silencing charm, you can be nearly undetectable."

Simon was looking for where River was when he heard his girlfriend gasp. Simon spun around and saw she had disappeared too.

"Whoa!" Kaylee excitedly said. "It's like looking through a thin film."

Simon started reaching out towards where he'd heard Kaylee's voice and again found empty air. "Where'd you two go?"

Jayne was whipping his head over his shoulders looking left and then right, back and forth, fearing an invisible attack.

Harry was just smiling while his eyes twinkled happily. "I suppose I should add that among my talents is that I've learned to see through invisibility cloaks."

"Oh poo," River's disembodied voice whined just a few feet from Harry.

Kaylee finally let out the snickers she'd been holding in and went over to comfort her pouting boyfriend.

Simon was moaning something about wanting a turn, when Inara disappeared from view.

Mal quickly leaned away from the invisible people. "That's just freaky."

"Yup," Inara said loudly from right next to Mal's ear. He swatted in her direction and was rewarded with a fleshy smack sound as the invisibility cloak jostled and exposed half of Inara's body.

"My nothe, you bathtard," Inara whined. She abandoned the cloak and was rubbing her nose.

Harry lifted a wand into the air and looked at Inara. "May I?"

Inara seemed to hesitate for a moment but agreed. "Thure."

Harry walked up to her and pointed his wand right at the reddening area. A small flash of light flew out of the wand, momentarily blinding her, but completely abating her pain.

She blinked awake the spots in her vision and felt immensely better. "Thanks." She admitted tenderly touching her nose. "I think you cleared my sinuses too."

Harry laughed. "Sorry. Healing's not my forte. I only ever learned one spell because it was all I ever needed. So I have a habit of overdoing the one spell I do know."

A slightly more comfortable silence covered the room as River was enjoying being a floating head.

Zoe felt a little bad at how cold they were treating Harry and asked, "So can you do all those kinds of magic? Should I be worried you're going to be cooking a love potion to ensnare our young Miss Tam?"

River's floating head frowned but was watching Harry for his reply.

Harry shook his head. "Nope, I'm afraid not. I've always been rotten at divination. And potions I never liked much because they take too long and do too little. But mainly, without any signs of magical plants or creatures in existence, there aren't any ingredients for making potions."

"Got any other nifty tricks to show us?" Mal asked.

"Hmm," Harry said thinking deeply. "There's a number of modes of transportation for wizards, but the only one I've used much is apparition." With a pop, Harry appeared ten feet away, closer to the door. Another pop and he apparated right back into place. "It's not quite instantaneous, but it's real useful for getting around."

"Do that again!" Jayne cheered.

Harry obliged and popped right behind Jayne. "If you're wondering this is also how I got onto Serenity the first time. I'm used to there being apparition points and or wards preventing it in most places. But without any other wizards or magic…" Harry shrugged.

"So can you just… _parition_ onto any old ship or planet?" Mal asked.

Harry winced and admitted, "It's called apparition and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure. Incorrect apparition leads to splinching, and that's when you reappear without all the right parts or with the parts in the wrong spots."

"What?" Jayne feared, picturing a butt-face.

Harry nodded. "Splinching can be as simple as just leaving a few fingers behind, or sometimes you could completely split your body or head apart. There's an entire division of the Ministry just for piecing people back together. I'm probably as good as anyone at apparating, because I despise most other forms of magical travel, and while I used to make it pretty much anywhere on the Earth, no one's ever tried going beyond an atmosphere. If I tried to apparate right now to some planet, I've no idea what would happen. And there's no one to try and fix me if it didn't work. I could apparate across a continent which is more than most people, but in space? Or on the distances that would take?" Harry just shook his head. "I don't have the confidence it would work, and without the confidence I'm certain it won't work."

"What other forms of magical travel do you despise so much?" River asked.

Harry chuckled. "Well there's Floo travel, which are magically connected fireplaces. Pretty sure there's no _interplanetary _Floo Network. It makes me nauseous to Floo. Then there are portkeys, which are objects programmed to take you to another place. You touch them, activate them, and you feel a tugging as you're sucked through a rather unpleasant vortex. It's a little faster than Floo, but just as nauseating and disorienting. The Knight Bus is a sort of magical taxi and… you know? Things like the Floo and Knight Bus just don't exist anymore."

"No one flies? Or drives?" Jayne asked.

Harry shook his head. "Well, remember my experience is only up to early twenty-second century, but I suppose we do a fair amount of flying." Harry grinned. "And I love flying. But wizards fly on brooms."

"Brooms?" Kaylee grinned and chuckled. "Really?"

Harry nodded. "Yup. That's one thing I would love to locate, a broom."

"I think we got one in a storage cupboard," Mal said pointing over his shoulder.

Harry laughed and shook his head. "Not quite the same thing. Wizard brooms for flying are created specially with a whole slew of charms for acceleration, braking, steering, cushioning, and probably a couple dozen more I don't know about. I miss flying. But our brooms top out around 200 mph, and things like Floo, portkeys, and apparition take anywhere from a split second to a minute or two to get halfway across the world. That's why brooms are more a recreational activity." Harry got lost remembering how good it felt to fly. "Quidditch is played on brooms. I don't think I mentioned that. It's the sport, played up in the air with balls, hoops, and bats."

A comfortable silence fell across the group before Simon summarily announced, "I think that's enough voodoo for now."

Mal looked at him and River's still floating head. "Yeah, I'm not sure how much of this is… is gonna process and stay with me."

Harry nodded, having expected their brains to fill up before now. "If you got any questions, feel free to ask. I know I've scared a few of you, and… and I wish there was a way I could explain magic better to you. But…" Harry sighed in frustration. "Just don't be afraid to ask."

The rest of the crew wearily got up from their seats while Harry sat there deep in thought.

River was staring into the mirror watching her body disappear, while Zoe walked over to Harry. She smiled warmly at him, thinking it looked like he needed a friend. "I was wondering Harry," Zoe asked softly. "If you had a picture of Luna?"

Harry's sad smile faltered and he fought back a frown. "I wish I did. But I woke up on the other side of the universe from where I last knew all of my belongings to be. I've nothing of my own. Since she was born a witch and grew up in the wizarding world, she wasn't put in any of the old muggle databases, never got a driver's license or a muggle passport. So unless I get really lucky…"

"I'm- I'm sorry, Harry," Zoe's face fell. "I never even considered… I mean…" She put on a happy face. "I'd say you've been pretty lucky so far, so who knows?"

Harry nodded and half-heartedly agreed. "Yeah. Who knows."

* * *

Mal made his way up to the bridge. "Listen, Harry. I want you to know we all appreciate you being more honest with us, it's just… this is a _lot_ to take in and get used to." 

"I know," Harry agreed. He flashed him a smile. "I won you all over with my charm once. I figure I can do it again."

Mal smiled with a shake of his head. "Right. Anyways, I was wondering if you'd contacted your friend who you said might be interested in a full pallet."

"Dirty Duncan?" Harry grinned. "I haven't talked to him in a while and wasn't going to offer anything solid without your okay."

Mal nodded. "Well, it could take us some time to move all of this cargo, and none of my contacts are jumping on much more than a box or two. So if he wants it, find out how much and what he'd pay for it."

Harry nodded. "I'll send him a wave right now."

"Thanks, Harry," Mal agreed turning to leave. "Keep me informed."

Harry pulled out his communicator. "You got a bounce connection, Frank?"

"Yup," Mr. Universe replied. "Ringing up Duncan now." Mr. Universe began to hum quietly to himself waiting for answer. In mid-tune he blurted out, "Here you go."

"Harry?" Duncan's video image popped up on the screen. "That you?"

"Hiya, Duncan; how's things?"

"Same as it always is out here. Sam's on my back wanting to start a family and making babies. One of her friends squirted out a little one and apparently it's more contagious than I thought." Duncan explained with a roll of his eyes.

"Oh lordy," Harry jeered. "That's just what the 'verse needs. Little Duncan's running around."

"I'm all for the act and the exercise," Duncan agreed with a lecherous smile. "It's just… being a parent? A responsible adult? That don't sound like me none."

"I don't think it'll ever sound like you, Duncan."

"Yeah, well," Duncan didn't disagree. "What can I do you for, Harry?"

"You remember I mentioned the unmarked, clean ration packs?" Harry reminded. "You still got some interest in that?"

"How much we talking about here?"

"Captain says if you want a full pallet," Harry explained. "We can swing it, assuming the price is right."

"This is good stuff, right? You're not choosing this time to start passing some _niou-se_ on me?"

Harry waved him off. "Naw, I'm saving that for something real good."

"Alright," Duncan admitted. "If it all checks out, you can tell your Captain, I'll give him 2.2 for a pallet. If he starts getting all _luh-suh_, I'll go as high as 2.5, but I'll be less inclined to be doing repeat business with him."

"I'll pass it along," Harry admitted. "That's a pretty healthy bulk discount, but we are talking about a pretty healthy bulk here. I don't suppose you've come across anything for me?"

Duncan's eyes perked up and he began snapping his fingers. "Yeah, yeah, I did actually. I found something with those chicken scratches you were talking about."

"Really?" Harry asked surprise. "What's that?"

Duncan shrugged. "I don't know what you'd want it for, but I overpaid for this stinking old-ass looking stone bowl with those chicken scratches all around the rim. Dropped the thing a couple times. It's solid as a rock."

Harry's breath caught in his throat as soon as Duncan said stone bowl. He knew very well what Duncan had come across, and he desperately wanted to get a hold of it. "H- How much you want for it?"

Duncan waved Harry off. "It cost me thirty platinum. You swing this deal and it's yours."

Harry's heart was racing in anticipation. "I'll make it happen. Don't go far, I'll be in touch."

"Don't be a stranger, Harry."

"Thanks, Duncan. Thanks a lot."


	18. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Pensieve for Your

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN – Pensieve for Your Thoughts? **

"Book of Jayne," he announced cracking open the future best-seller.

"Number B," he stated and wrote simultaneously before realization struck him. "Oh gorramit."

Jayne hastily erased and corrected his second entry into the hallowed volume. "It is official. Harry's a freak. If eerie-ass was in the dictionary, it'd have a picture of Harry. But it's not. I checked. Twice. Course, as freaks go, Harry's about the coolest one I've ever heard of. I didn't think anyone would top River on the freak-o-meter. But it ain't even close. Least he's got most of marbles still. He's even helped River find a few of hers that'd gone out for a walk and gotten lost.

"Floating in air is pretty fun. But it gives you gas. I guess nothin's free." Jayne wrote and said with a knowing nod. He was thinking deeply on what else to add, when it hit him. "Inara's the hottest bright blue chick I ever seen. Made her look like some kind of sexy alien."

Jayne shook his wrist out to keep it from cramping. "Poor Harry looked sadder than I've ever seen him tonight. Course, waking up, and your entire way of life disappearing will do that to a fella. Not counting that it sounds like he's not gotten laid in 400 years. That's just plumb unhealthy."

Jayne exhaled and set his hallowed book down. "This authorin' is tiring work." He decided to call it a day, putting his pencil away and carefully shutting his journal. "Book of Jayne."

* * *

"Captain?" Harry said with an eager grin. 

"Mmm?" Mal asked looking up as Harry stuck his head in the door.

Harry looked around the room, realizing how well it fit Mal's personality. Something Harry hadn't quite picked up on when he first saw the room. "I talked to Duncan."

"Good news?" Mal inquired. "He offering a fair price?"

Harry shrugged a little worriedly. "I thought it was fair, though it may be on the low side. For a full pallet, he's willing to go 2.2 million."

"Platinum or credits?" Mal said warily.

"Platinum," Harry replied.

Mal shook his head. "That's pretty low compared to street value, but if he's starting there maybe we can work our way to mutual ground."

"Duncan's not big on haggling," Harry explained. "The 2.2 is his friend price for me, not his bargaining start. I'll be honest, Duncan told me he'd be willing to go 2.5 but that our interests would improve at 2.2."

"Our interests?" Mal asked. "This guy threatening us already?"

"No," Harry shook his head. "You misunderstand me. Dirty Duncan is one of the most stand-up guys I've met in the verse. He's loyal to friends, and likes doing the right thing. Regular boy scout. But out on the rim, and the moon he lives on Bebonk, he spread some rumors about his cut-throat practices and was called _Dirty_ Duncan, despite being ten times as honest as the local police."

"Nice guys' money don't spend any better," Mal replied.

"What I mean, Captain," Harry explained, "is that Duncan's more on the up and up than some of them ladies who like to shoot you, or folks like Niska. That's why if you're willing to take 2.2 for this chunk of score, then he'll be looking to us for some more future work. Including probably a fair amount of legit work, which even if you're not looking for too much of, can always make it easier to hide the other jobs as needed."

Mal considered Harry's words. "Who is this guy?"

"You ever been to Bebonk?"

Mal shook his head. "Don't think I've even heard of it."

"It's a moon over near Mamussa, which I believe might still be the furthest Fed-maintained planet." Harry explained and saw Mal recognized the name. "Anyways, it's been his home all his life, and he likes it there. He probably owns about a third of Bebonk, but most people don't even realize it cause he's pretty careful. I met him a while back and helped him out of a jam. He gave me a couple jobs to do, and now he sort of keeps his eyes out for my interests on this edge of the rim. Kinda like Durran knows the things I'm looking for in the core, Duncan's my honorary eyes on the edges."

"So this 2.5 won't be some double-cross where we need Jayne to hide back with a sniper rifle?" Mal asked.

Harry shook his head. "Nope. And I know it's your call, but I think you should be willing to take the 2.2. I know you may think you're getting the shaft end at that price, but you need to put a little perspective on this here."

"And how's that?" Mal said when it was apparent Harry was waiting for prompting.

Harry grinned widely and explained, "You're getting 2.2 million for _one_ night's work. And it's still only half the score. Not to mention, push comes to shove, a little further down the road, you can probably get another 2.2 if no one else is buying."

Mal pondered it for barely a moment and nodded. "Alright, Harry, set us up a meeting. I'll think about the 2.2 or the 2.5, but if I'm getting fleeced, I like to meet the fleecer."

"I think you'll like him," Harry said with a knowing grin.

* * *

Harry pulled back as his mind retreated from River's. 

"We're done already?" She proclaimed, shaking herself to wakefulness.

Harry sighed. "How do you think you did today?"

River frowned and made no effort to hide her frustration. "Not particularly well."

Harry turned and just stared at her.

"What do you want me to do?" River whined with a frown. "I'm trying my best."

Harry shook his head. "I wonder if this is all you _can_ do."

River narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Harry explained. "The Mind Arts as I know them, and always deal with them, are primarily strengthened through _magical _means. When I'm drained of magic, I'm straining to even pick up passive _Legilimency_, and only barking out the spell and using my magic to juice it up to a respectable level works. You're essentially a muggle going through the motions. Maybe we've hit a wall on how strong your _Occlumens_ shield can be without magic."

"I'm a lot more than just that," River insisted quietly.

"Really?" Harry exasperatedly said. "Because as quick as your walls are coming down, you can't possibly have any faith in them. You're not _expecting_ them to hold, and so of course, then they won't. You just don't have the confidence for this." Harry sneered and thought back to his own breakthrough in learning _Occlumency_. "You know what, I didn't mean confidence. I meant arrogance. I meant cocky, brash, and fully certain of your own mental superiority. You're too weak, River Tam."

River had been getting angrier and more offended with every smarmy word Harry was saying.

Harry saw the moment where River's anger gave way to a controlled centering that would make a wizard, swimming in his own core hard-pressed to match. He grinned at her, and before she started to rant, he asked with a smile, "Want to spar?"

"Hell yes," River snapped jumping up from her bed.

Barely fifteen seconds later, had they made their way through to the back of the ship. Harry whipped his hands apart clearing out an empty area in the cargo bay. He pulled out his wand and a white flash hit his own chest. He turned the wand towards River and cast the same spell.

River twirled right away, out of the path of the spell, turning to growl at Harry.

Harry snapped his empty hand straight at River locking her into place. "You don't get a say in this, little girl."

Another whip of his wand and the white spell hit River, making her body flash in turn. "It's a protection spell, so that we can't hurt each other." Harry condescendingly explained. Harry calmly removed his faux gauntlets and wands, setting them off to the side. He cracked his knuckles and smiled. "So no holding back this time. Got it?"

Harry waved his hand towards River lackadaisically, as if she didn't even matter to him, and removed the spell holding her in place.

The very moment she could move, River lunged straight for Harry and was swinging as viciously as her little body could. She was alternating with such a furious and frenetic pace, Harry was only able to defend and block her blows, unable to even launch a counter-attack of his own.

In a move Harry was unprepared for River had punched Harry in the gut, as she fell to the floor, and swept his legs out from under him. She quickly spun around and brought her leg down right on Harry's throat.

Harry threw up his arm just in time and caught her leg before it could connect with him. He was struggling to hold it up as she was twisting her body's weight into it.

Seeing her opportunity, River made only the slightest shift and brought her fist down onto his face. "I _don't_ hold back."

If there hadn't been protection spells on them, Harry's nose would have been surely broken. As it was, his face was smarting a bit from the impact nonetheless. Harry grunted his way through the pain, and surprisingly calmly added. "I know you don't. I was referring to me."

River's eyes widened to see Harry's fist come flying at her at a speed clearly beyond the capabilities of the average human. She gasped and let out a loud "_Oof_!" as her body exploded away from the punch sending her fifteen feet in the air, and careening backwards over the mid-level stair railing.

River was dazedly looking around, realizing that the speed with which she had been uprooted and slammed onto her head had not in fact broken her neck as expected. Her stomach was smarting something fierce, but she could tell she was doing fine. She leapt forward straight between the highest and middle bars on the hand railing, grabbing onto the lower of the two as she went. She swung around on the bar using all her momentum, to whack her legs into the lower railing, and pushed off, adding her strength to her body's repulsion from the stairwell.

Harry had taken the opportunity to stand back up and dust himself off, only to look up and see River flying at him, two tight fists clenched and aimed forward. The brief look of surprise on his face lasted long enough to add to River's evil grin, as her right fist connected with Harry's jaw.

"Damn," Harry spat out as he was hurriedly backing away rubbing his jaw.

River was again in her zone of controlled, calm confidence. She began unleashing a series of spinning kicks, each one inching her way closer and closer to Harry. She made no indication of having noticed the rather surprised looking audience they had gathered.

In between fending off her kicks, Harry was smiling up at everyone and briefly waved at an angry looking Simon.

River took this as a personal offense and managed to increase the ferocity of her rapid leg swings.

Harry thought it was time for a little change of pace, and let the next kick connect to him, surprising River. He took advantage of that surprise as he too moved in towards her, grabbing her body in a bear hug. His weight and momentum carried them both slamming her straight into the ground, echoing around the room with a loud rumble.

"Yeah!" Jayne cheered.

Simon had seen that the two sparring weren't really getting hurt, but that full-on body slam had to have been felt. "River? Are you okay?"

River snarled, and tried to roll Harry off of her, only to find Harry was once again rolling with her.

Harry held onto her, with him on his back and proceeded to kick her with his magically-enhanced strength. She flew up past the eye-lines of even the surprised faces on the catwalk, crashing into the ceiling, thirty-five odd feet up.

River's back slammed against the metal support beams holding Serenity's curved roof in place. She found herself falling quickly, blocking out the sound of both of the high-pitched shrieks coming from her brother and his girlfriend, and getting even angrier at Harry.

Harry grinned at her and snapped his open hand up when she was only a dozen feet off the ground. River's body stopped immediately and she found herself unable to move more than her head as she floated there helpless off the ground.

Harry used one hand holding River in place, while a gesture from his other summoned a wand to him. He pointed it straight up at the reddening and furious young woman. "_Legilimens_!"

River knew what was coming as soon as he said the word, and felt herself strengthening the walls to the fortress her mind was. She knew with certainty it was solid as a rock and stronger than the hardest steel. She was ready for this challenge.

Harry's mental attack was a solid, piercing, burning hot beam of energy. He just seared straight through the thick stone wall opening a hole that was small enough for him to glide smoothly through.

River was inside her mind, on the other side of her walls raging at her inability to stop him. Only when she looked at Harry, he was just smiling as happy as she'd ever seen him.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" Harry yelled at her in glee. He pounded his fist on the inside of her concrete fortress. "This is a bloody fortress! You see this?" Harry asked banging harder and harder against the unmoving stone. "Do you see this?"

River was slightly startled, though quite aware of what Harry had been doing. Her anger had disappeared completely and she was looking at the massive thick walls she had. "Huh."

Harry moved to the side and pointed towards the previously molten hot stone only to see it had already been repaired. "You even fixed the hole I came in from. This is what you need. This is it." Harry slammed his fist straight into the wall. A small smattering of cracks and dust exploded, but the wall held true. "I haven't touched any sort of mental shield for you since we started training today. This is all _you_ River."

River was beginning to take notice of the barriers and was impressed with the strength of it. "Huh." She grudgingly admitted.

"Come on," Harry waved her back as he retreated from her consciousness. "Your brother's freaking out."

In the blink of an eye River felt herself being lowered safely to the ground conveniently in between the direction Simon was coming from and Harry.

Harry released the spell, and let River's cat like reflexes keep her legs under her for the last few feet. He had intentionally positioned River's landing and was rewarded by her quick action.

River jumped into her brother's arms. "Oh Simon! I did it! I got a real wall up! It's working, and I can tell it's _mine_! This is wonderful!"

Simon's anger never stood a chance against River's happiness and he hugged her back. "That's great, River. That's fantastic to hear." He mumbled a little quieter, "Whatever that means."

She turned him around and winked at Harry over Simon's shoulder.

Harry nodded and wiggled his fingers, making Simon's hair stick up in a massive cowlick.

River let go of her brother and led him back towards where Kaylee had been sitting and watching the impromptu battle. She made no mention of her brother's magically aided hairdo.

* * *

"You sure this is the place?" Mal asked looking around the well-trodden street. 

Harry turned backed towards the Captain and Zoe with a smile. "Yes, I'm sure."

"For the sort of money we're talking about, this just seems… kinda rough around the edges," Mal explained passing a dusty storefront and long since closed peepshow.

"We're going to the hardware store right up there," Harry explained enjoying the feel of the early morning hours.

"A hardware store?" Zoe asked curiously. "Is this the normal place to locate him?"

Harry shrugged, "Pretty often, yeah. In a hardware store, it's not out of the ordinary to have trapdoors on display and a wide variety of locks. But mainly, this is where Sam works." Harry said opening the door to a store unimaginatively named _Hardware_. A bell rang announcing the arrival of new customers.

A very young bright-eyed woman with short cropped blue hair looked up at the newcomers. She smiled slightly as Mal walked in, followed by Zoe, only to smile jovially and screech "Harry!" She scrambled around the counter and flung herself towards Harry, engulfing him in a tight hug.

"Whoof," Harry responded and hugged her back. "Hey Sam. How you been?"

She released him and stepped back. "I'm good, good. Oh my gosh, Harry, my friend Delilah had her baby just a couple months ago and he is cuter than a puppy in a basket with a bow on its head."

Harry laughed. "Duncan expressed some fear about that."

"Did he now?" She asked dangerously.

Harry gulped and commented, "Blue this time? I don't think I've seen you with blue before."

Sam grinned brightly touching her hair. "Yeah. It clashes with my eyes but I needed something new."

"Sam," Harry smiled wondering if the new color wasn't a poor substitute for the new thing she was pressuring her fiancé into. "I'd like you to meet a couple friends of mine. This is Captain Reynolds and first mate Zoe."

The two nodded their heads in greeting. "Nice to meet you, Sam," Zoe replied.

Harry turned to the bubbly girl and asked, "Don't suppose he's awake and functioning?"

Sam rolled her eyes. "I started feeding him coffee when we got your wave. He's not exactly the morning type, but he's probably waiting on you. You can go on back."

"Thanks Sam," Harry said as he led Zoe and Mal around the counter towards one of the back rooms.

"Little young, isn't she?" Mal commented quietly towards Harry.

Harry chuckled. "I'll have you know Sam turned twenty a few months ago." Harry approached a door at the back with six different locks on it and knocked. It took a few seconds, before a series of clicks could be heard from the other side and the door rumbled and slipped open, a small gush of pressurized air expelling as it creaked. Harry pushed the door the rest of the way and walked into the comfortable looking office. Seated behind a desk, with some large bags under his eyes was a pale young man with thick rimmed glasses and huge mug of coffee he was sipping from.

Mal looked at the skinny frail looking boy and realized Sam was actually the older one.

"Do you even realize what rutting time it is?" the young man's voice cracked as he grinned and complained.

"Mornings are good for you Duncan," Harry grinned back. "It's those late nights of yours that aren't so good."

"Thanks for the lesson, _Dad_," Duncan said with an irreverent shake of his head. "Come in, come in."

Mal and Zoe shared a wary look, unprepared to be dealing with a teenager but walked in as Harry shut the door behind them.

Duncan slowly pushed his body up and forward. He reached out to shake hands. "Captain Reynolds, I presume?"

"Guilty," the Captain replied. "And you must be Duncan?"

"I must be," Duncan agreed and turned to Zoe. "Does that mean this gorgeous young woman is Zoe?"

Zoe was unimpressed and squeezed Duncan's hand a fair amount tighter than was necessarily polite. "Duncan," she greeted inclining her head.

Duncan grinned at Harry. "Feisty one, isn't she?" he whispered waggling his sore hand.

Harry saw Zoe wasn't particularly amused. "She's all heart, once you know her."

Zoe raised an eyebrow towards Harry. "You do know I have no reservations about shooting friends?"

Mal winced recognizing that tone of voice. "I can vouch for that."

Harry lifted his hands, knowing not to push his two fellow crew members. Not when they were talking business.

"It's early," Duncan reiterated. "And you two look about as pleased to be here as I am to be awake. So let's talk shop. Did you bring a sample?"

Zoe reached into her coat and tossed a sealed vacuum-packaged foil covered packet onto the table.

Duncan picked it up and looked it over. He turned to Harry. "This is the real thing, right?"

"Yes sir," Harry respectfully replied to the teenager.

"I'm not going to have half the Alliance storming after me once new settlers start buying these things on the street?"

"It's clean," Mal assured him with a patronizing look.

"And you're all eager enough to unload it at this price?"

Mal was watching Duncan carefully trying to make sense of why he was dealing with this… kid.

"Sir?" Zoe asked looking at the Captain.

"Duncan," Mal began. "You seem a bit… _younger_ than I was expecting."

Duncan nodded, used to this. "That may be because it's true. Do not mistake my youth for inexperience." He took a sip of his coffee. "I could try and startle you with what turned up in your records, Sergeant Reynolds. Or I could grandstand by pushing this button," Duncan explained pressing an orange button on a small console next to him.

Immediately, the ground rumbled and thick metal walls swooped shut sealing them into a room a foot smaller on all sides. Ten different mechanically-controlled guns of various size and shape came jutting out from areas in the ceiling and desk, aimed squarely at Mal's seat.

"But I'd like to think we can remain gentlemen," Duncan grinned, pressing another button as everything swooped away leaving the room looking terribly innocent once again. "I take my business seriously, Captain. And I will make it no secret I have no strong need for your cargo."

Mal looked over at Harry who smiled weakly. "Then what exactly are we doing here?"

"Coffee?" Duncan offered as he refilled his own mug. Everyone declined and he sat back down. "You have an excess of supply, and very little demand. I don't have much demand either, but I am one of the folks who could actually use the stuff in some of my many… entrepreneurial efforts. I know people are always going to need to eat, and the stretch of _civilized_ life will always be growing. I know you're not getting anywhere near the value for the goods, but quite frankly 2.2 is all it is worth to me. If not for Harry, I simply wouldn't trust this deal. But you seem to have won his approval, and as a courtesy I even informed him, I'd be willing to pay 2.5. I assume, he told you?"

Mal glanced at Harry and nodded.

"Don't fear putting our friendship at risk," Duncan assured with a quick smile at Harry. "I knew I wasn't just telling my friend to try and weasel you down to a better price. I'm well aware I was dealing with a pilot who has responsibilities to his Captain."

Mal had to admit the younger man was beginning to make an impression on him. "Forgive me if I'm skeptical that someone so young can easily deal funds on this scale."

Duncan nodded and pushed a hidden button. A large steel safe grew up from the ground behind him. "I figured with Harry involved we could knock this out quickly, considering we both trust an element here, right?"

Mal looked at Harry who was nodding. "I suppose."

"Excellent," Duncan agreed. "Because if it would ease your mind, I'm prepared to pay a million up front right now, and the rest on delivery."

Mal's eyes widened slightly and he looked at Zoe. She too had been harboring doubts that were quickly vanishing. "Harry mentioned that it'd be in our best interests to take 2.2. He wasn't terribly clear on why we should be taking less money."

"If you have no interest in cordial business relationships or further dealings, then I'd advise you to take the 2.5. Although frankly, if that's your intention you might be better off just trying to move them in smaller parts. If you can get forty or fifty large per box, which doesn't seem unreasonable, then that pallets probably worth what? Upwards of five, maybe six?" Duncan explained. "But that's presuming you can find a hundred-odd people that actually have that much coin and interest in a box. I'm assuming you're using the federated standard boxes arranged 4 by 6 with 5 tall?"

"They're all there," Mal assured. "It's one-hundred twenty packed boxes. But I'm wondering how it is that cordial business relationships and further dealings is worth three hundred thousand platinum."

"You're a transport ship," Duncan explained. "There are many occasions where I am in need of transporting. Sometimes quietly, sometimes not."

"I don't see how a hardware store could have so much need," Mal explained. "And we're nobody's goons."

Duncan looked at Harry and back at the other two. "Are you familiar with CRS, Inc.?"

"Confederated Railroad Supply?" Zoe clarified.

"Well, it's hardly just railroads anymore," Duncan explained. "But that used to be the meaning, yeah."

Mal nodded recognizing one of premiere government contractors for terraforming.

"That's probably my most notable recent acquisition," Duncan explained offhandedly. "So you can see I would have a use for your products, in spreading around survival on the young worlds, as well as often have need for _transporting_ things across the verse."

"You?" Zoe asked in disbelief. "Own CRS?"

Duncan shook his head. "Not outright. Hell, the value and contracts would dry up if they knew a teenager was behind the scenes. Just a shell company of mine purchased a controlling share in their interests." Duncan watched Malcolm and explained, "I won't pretend to know what it was like for you two to… _fight_ the system. But I hope you won't hold it against me if I manipulate the system to my own needs. Or preferably our _mutual_ needs."

Mal was frowning at first at this kid's reminder, but found himself smiling a bit at the thought. "And in the future, if we take the 2.2, you'd be more open to considering picking up more from us at the same price?"

Duncan inclined his head. "I'm not going to make any promises, but I'm certainly open to the possibility. The same cannot be said at 2.5 though."

Mal turned to Zoe, who nodded her head ever so slightly. "We got a deal at 2.2," Mal said extending his hand.

"Excellent," Duncan agreed suddenly appearing far more awake. "Would you like the million I have prepped?"

"Yes, we would," Mal replied.

Duncan began punching in a series of numbers on a keypad. He pushed his thumb onto a fingerprint scanner and the safe behind him cracked open. "How would you like the rest of your money delivered? More cash? Or I could set you up with a bank account? Or accounts?"

Mal's impulse was to turn down the bank accounts immediately, but Zoe stopped him. "Captain?" She suggested. "Assuming Harry's confident on the accounts they might be preferable."

Harry nodded while Duncan explained, "Bank of Sihnon corporate accounts under the name of a company. We can individualize them if you prefer or leave them blank expense accounts."

"Go ahead and put it under the name Serenity," Mal replied. "Where do you want us to deliver the pallet?"

Duncan said, "Harry? You remember the Martin Warehouse?"

"Sure thing," Harry replied feeling a bit antsy. "Umm… Duncan?"

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes. I've got your find right here."

Duncan reached into an oversized deep drawer on the bottom of his desk and presented the dirty grey bowl with runes engraved all around the rim.

Harry's eyes widened and sucked in a breath. "I was hoping this was what you'd found."

Duncan slid it across to Harry while Mal and Zoe looked at it in confusion. He smiled at Mal, "It appears you know as much about Harry's odd fascinations as me."

Immediately put on guard they turned to look at Duncan. Duncan raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe not. Perhaps you can tell me why Harry's always looking for these odd things?"

Zoe shook her head. "Nope, sorry. But he certainly seems pleased with it."

"Bloody hell," Harry gasped recognizing a few particular markings. He jerked his head up to look at Duncan. "Where do you find this?"

"In an estate sale," Duncan explained. "Solicitor came and was selling all of some dead guy's stuff."

"Who was it?" Harry asked quickly. "What else did they have?"

"The dead guy?" Duncan asked. "His name was… hmm. Hold on a second." Duncan flipped a switch and console system came up out of the desk. When presented with the hand shaped split keyboard, he began quickly working his way through his system. "John Dough."

Harry looked at Duncan curiously. "That's cute."

"D-O-U-G-H, Dough," Duncan continued. "Looks like the rest of the estate was a few boxes of clothes, two lamps, and…" Duncan looked up and smiled. "And a small collection of amateur pornography."

Harry chuckled. "Where'd he live?"

"John Dough?" Duncan clarified and checked his records. " Jersey."

"Alright," Harry said, thoroughly confused on how to interpret this latest bit of information. "Thanks Duncan. This is fantastic. If you ever see more of this kind of stuff, you know I'm always looking."

"I know, I know," Duncan assured Harry. "I'll meet you fine folks at the Martin Warehouse in an hour?"

"We'll be there," Mal said firmly.

One hour later, they concluded their business, were one pallet lighter, and now the proud owners of the Serenity company Bank of Sihnon access card.

Jayne made a less than stellar first impression on Duncan when he introduced himself by saying, "Hey kid, where's your dad at?" Luckily Duncan had a sense of humor and offered to throw in the money in case the Captain wanted to check Jayne into the old folks' home.

Agreements were made to keep in touch and brief goodbyes were said between the crew of Serenity and Duncan and Sam. Sam had to go back to the store and Duncan had to go back to bed. The crew had another plan to sell two of the boxes and so now, back on Serenity they were already on their way to another border planet.

Everyone was watching Harry as he seemed to be bouncing with excitement.

"Harry?" Kaylee asked. "You need to tinkle? Or better yet, gonna tell us why you've got so much spring in your step?"

Harry set out his new bowl in front of them. "This, my friends. This pleases me more than you know."

Zoe leaned over and was inspecting it. It was clearly old and had some mumbo-jumbo on the side that obviously meant something since Harry was involved. But for the most part it looked like a regular old stone bowl. "What's so special about this?"

"This is what's called a pensieve," Harry happily announced. "And these are truly fantastic things. I learned about my parents through one of these."

"Do they communicate with the dead?" River asked curiously.

"No, no," Harry explained. "Nothing quite so impossible."

"Right," Simon helpfully added at the idea of impossible from a _wizard_.

Harry smiled at Simon. "No this is a device for viewing a memory. You extract a memory and place it in the pensieve. Then you can relive it, and observe many things you may not have noticed, or details you had neglected to pick up on."

"Right," Simon echoed figuring this would need to be seen to be believed.

"And I happen to know," Harry explained. "That while muggles are incapable of activating them, or manipulating your view of a memory, you can join me in there viewing the memories. Not to mention I can extract memories from your minds if you would like me to take you in here."

"I don't know about that Harry," Jayne added. "I kinda like leaving my brain alone if I can manage it."

"I'm not going to force anyone to do anything they don't want to," Harry smiled. "But for example, an old close friend of my parents, Moony, shared with me many of the highlights of their school years from before I was born. It's sort of like, with this, you have your entire life on video and you can share it with anyone."

"His name was _Moony_?" Simon asked curiously.

Harry waved him off. "Naw, his name was Remus, but he got nicknamed Moony." Harry paused and grinned. "It was because he was a werewolf."

Harry got the silence he was expecting and smiled.

After a moment, Inara said, "This pensieve does sound… intriguing."

"I could go for a few of Inara's highlights," Jayne grinned.

Harry snickered while everyone else rolled their eyes and Mal was inwardly gritting his teeth. "Actually I was mentioning it in case Zoe wanted to see some of her better memories of Wash again. Maybe her wedding day or something fun like that."

Zoe seemed to quiet immediately and sucked in a deep breath. She was beginning to see the allure of the pensieve.

Harry shrugged at her. "Just an option to consider. But first I thought I should show you all just how fun the magical world can be." Harry grinned and remembered one of Aberforth's worse puns. "And I've got just the memory in mind."

A number of curious looks were exchanged among crew members, but Harry was making no attempt to hide his happiness. "You guys ready for this?"

"I sure am," Kaylee cheered.

"I'm game," Jayne agreed.

Harry closed his eyes for a moment and pulled out one of his wands. He placed the tip of it to his temple and slowly pulled away a silvery strand. Harry opened his eyes and deposited it into the pensieve. Harry swirled his wand in the misty silvery liquid. He looked up happily. "It's working." Harry then closed his eyes again and repeated the process.

"Okay," Harry explained while he was examining the two memories he'd place in the pensieve. Harry began locating the key events and anchoring the two memories together. "What I'm doing right now is actually combining the two memories into one." He was tying and binding the sync points. "This is often done in wizarding court cases, where a crime committed can be viewed through the collective memory of both a defendant and a victim."

Harry was making sure everything lined up as expected. "Usually, they're two different people involved but the principle is the same, as I viewed this memory from two different perspectives." Harry was satisfied with his work and looked up expectantly.

"I'd like it if you all saw this," Harry explained. "So perhaps you may see some of the beauty of magic that I can't explain in words. But if you think you'd feel uncomfortable, you certainly don't have to."

"There any danger here? Can we get hurt or… _stuck_ in the memory?" Mal asked.

Harry shook his head. "No danger at all. You just can get a glimpse of my life before I met you fine folks."

"Let's do it," River agreed readily.

Harry looked at them all and considered how he felt coming out of a pensieve. Particularly if it was after a long time sifting through memories. "You're all going to be unmoving for a while, so I'm going to lie on the table. You will need to be touching my body, when I fall into the pensieve, and it'll be easier if you're sitting comfortably."

"Fall?" Mal asked looking at the little bowl.

Harry nodded. "You can't get hurt, but yes, falling is definitely the sensation involved."

Harry decided to sit up but was sticking his legs out, to which everyone was hesitantly poking him with a finger. "Everyone ready?" Affirmative nods all around greeted Harry and he touched the surface of the memory.

Kaylee, Inara, and Simon all shrieked as they felt themselves falling. Jayne was too, but he was more shrieking with joy, than surprise or fear. River was the first to acclimate to the new surroundings. She asked, "So what magic are we here to see, that can't be explained in words?"

"This, my friends," Harry said looking skyward, "is quidditch." Right on cue the Bulgarian National team flew straight over their heads, whooshing as they zoomed by, eliciting loud roars and cheers from a gigantic crowd.

"_Wuh de tyen, ah_," Simon gasped out in shock. "There really is a complete society."

"This is incredible," Zoe admitted taking in all the huge stands and thousands of cheering people. River had walked up to the edge and saw they were over a hundred feet up.

"So what's quidditch? And is this the World Cup?" River said turning back to Harry.

Harry froze the memory and explained. "Yes, this is the World Cup that happened the summer after my graduation. I've just frozen the memory. I can rewind it, fast-forward, stop as needed. As for quidditch, well, that's simply the greatest sport ever created."

Harry released his hold on the memory and let it play out. "A crash course in quidditch. Let's see… seven players to a team. Three chasers, they pass the quaffle, try to chuck through hoops. Two beaters, they carry bats and smack the two bludgers at the other team. One keeper, he guards his team's hoops from the other chasers. And one seeker, who hunts for the snitch. Quaffle through a hoop is ten points. Catching the snitch is a hundred fifty. The game goes on until the snitch is caught. Some games last mere minutes, others went on for weeks before the snitch was caught."

"Sounds easy enough," River explained as she was punching a ghostly and non-responsive Ron Weasley in the head. She was watching him lean over and say something to a bushy-haired young woman but couldn't hear them.

Everyone's attention was drawn as the crowd starting cheering loudly. The announcer's voice bellowed loudly, "Here is your English National team! Starting at beater is Jameson House and Cameron Boller."

Everyone's eyes were drawn skyward as the swirling spotlights shifted around, shining on the people as they were announced. "At keeper, Oliver Wood. At chaser, David…"

Harry interrupted over the loud cheering and bellowing, "Just warning you, the memory's about to get a lot more vivid."

"And at seeker… HARRY POTTER!" The announcer screamed with all his might, trying to be heard over the massive wave of noise and cheers that had the entire stadium rumbling violently.

The crew of Serenity was entranced by the sight of Harry flying past with a confidence and grace that stood out among the others. The colors of everything seemed to brighten and a warmth spread over everyone's body.

Inara gasped and clutched her chest. "What was that?"

Harry turned to her and grinned. "We're in a memory. It's influenced by what I feel, and what my senses are picking up."

Kaylee was sniffing the air. "_Tsai boo shr_! I can smell the grass."

Harry nodded. "A memory's more than just what you see and hear."

"Why didn't I smell it before?" Kaylee asked bending down and passing her hand through the slightly ghostlike grass.

"Well what I've done," Harry explained, "is to combine both my memory of this event, with my omniocular review of the match that a friend of mine recorded." Harry pointed towards the bushy-haired girl sitting there in the stands near River. "That's Hermione, and those are the omnioculars she's looking through right now. My memory of watching the omniocular replay was more like just audio and video, but if you can feel how jumped I am, that's from my own actual memory."

The announcer bellowed out the start of the match and the Bulgarians seized control of the quaffle.

"And we're off," Harry cheered happily in sync with the announcer.

"So you're like some quidditch star?" Jayne asked as he was trying to follow all the action going on in front and above of them.

"I'm proud to have made the team, but I never did go professional," Harry answered watching as he helped break up a Bulgarian formation.

"This many people come to watch the _amateurs_?" Simon asked as he kept looking at the crowd's unique fashion choices.

"No, this is the pinnacle of international competition," Harry explained. "Everyone else in the game played professionally, I think all of them in European leagues. But the World Cup is only every four years, and the best in the country, amateur and professional, make up the teams."

"It's going so fast," Kaylee commented, watching the competitors weaving in and out of each other's way.

Harry nodded. "It gets pretty brutal." Harry admitted, recognizing the signs of where they were in the match. "Jayne!" Harry called out and pointed. "Watch number six."

Jayne turned and looked up at the one with the number six on his back. He was following his movements for about seven seconds, when he performed a sloth grip roll to avoid a bludger. Only the other Bulgarian beater was just on the other side of him and had knocked the bludger right back at him, before he could react.

A loud crack echoed around the stadium and number six was flung violently off his broom, with his arm sticking out at an impossible angle. The crowd as a whole gasped and leapt to their feet watching him plummet the sixty feet to the ground. He landed with a _whump_ and wasn't moving.

"Sweet!" Jayne cheered over the gasps and worried murmurs of the crowd.

"_Tzao-gao_!" Kaylee breathed out in amazement.

Harry chuckled. "He broke five ribs, punctured a lung, and his forearm was so shattered, they had to slowly vanish the splinters and regrow all the bones."

A medical timeout was called, as healers tended to the downed chaser. England used a substitution and was regrouping. Harry took the opportunity to give them a little more background. "What you can't see is the way all these people have been camping out for days to get seats, and living out of tents not far from here. This World Cup was especially boisterous for the English, and many other nations because the Dark Lord who had been terrorizing the continent and in particular England, had been vanquished just a few months ago. Most of Western Europe was still recovering and rebuilding, so it was a highly emotional event."

"You seem pretty popular," Jayne commented looking around at all the 'Potter' signs, masks, and cheering fans.

"Was that the same Dark Lord who…?" Zoe inquired of Harry.

Harry smiled and nodded. "Yup. He was the one who killed my parents, among countless others."

"So you were doing your part to improve morale putting on your dainty little flying show?" River asked watching the action.

"Something like that," Harry answered with a mysterious smile.

Mal was watching the game with a curious expression. Harry went over to him and asked, "You doing okay, Captain?"

Mal turned to Harry briefly before looking up at the memory of Harry flying like a bat out of hell. "You really are a natural at flying, aren't you?"

"Got it from my dad," Harry proudly replied.

"This is… beyond words," Inara admitted watching the match and the raucous crowd. "I'm feeling exhilarated, shocked, amazed, and saddened just… imagining…"

"Anyone feeling adventurous?" Harry asked as he began tracing a finger over his left hand. He was leaving a trail of glowing white light in a criss-crossing pattern as his fingers were spread wide.

"Adventurous?" River asked with a smile.

Harry grinned deviously back at them. "Right now we're at only one of the sources for this conjoined memory. Anyone want to see what the other's like?"

"I do!" Jayne cheered thrusting his arm up, begging to be called on.

River smiled. "Yeah. It looks like fun."

"Come here you two," Harry said sticking out his right hand, while inspecting the glow on his left. Harry was jutting out his pinky and thumb on his right hand and told Jayne and River, "Grab onto a finger. If you fall, you won't get hurt, but try not to fall."

"We shouldn't be long," Harry said to the others. Harry waited a moment and timed it as he saw his memory self zooming past. With more power and speed than physically possible, Harry leapt into the air, his glowing left hand open wide in front of him. He reached out and grabbed a hold of the front of his memory's broom. Jayne and River were shrieking as they suddenly felt the wind whipping through them as ghostly figures were swooping wildly all around them.

Simon could only watch slightly horrified as they jumped impossibly through the air, only to latch onto Harry's broom and be violently jerked to their left at over a hundred miles per hour.

Harry was clenching onto the broom, as his glowing hand was now an iridescent green. He looked up and saw the memory of him was wearing a wide smile. Jayne and River were hanging on desperately and yelping as they swung about. Players and bludgers were flying straight through them, giving them a brief cold rush each time.

"This is ruttin' nuts," Jayne commented over the loud wind and crowds. "I love it."

Harry looked back and saw Viktor Krum was tailing them presently. "Hang on," Harry warned them as his memory snapped them straight down in a dive. Harry knew Viktor was too good to fall for most feints, but their ability to keep up with each other was a matter of pride.

Jayne started screaming loudly as the ground was approaching far faster than was healthy, only for the broom to jerk out of the nosedive and swoop lowly across the ground.

The three memory visitors' bodies were floating halfway in the ghostly ground.

Another jerk upward and they were flung violently around as the memory Harry had done a sharp u-turn. "There!" Harry called out. "You see that speck of gold we're heading towards?"

"No," Jayne replied, hanging on and struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Well that's the snitch," Harry explained.

"We're almost done?" River pouted.

"Not quite," Harry grinned back at her. Just then Viktor's body came over and rammed the memory Harry, sending him spinning off wildly.

Jayne, River, and even Harry were all squealing with glee as they tumbled over and over again, completely out of control. Memory Harry quickly righted himself and shot back up into the action just shy of ramming the stands and a particularly large poster of himself.

"I think I'm going be sick," Jayne commented, starting to look a little green.

River saw Jayne was looking nearly as pale as some of the ghostly figures and commented, "Oh dear."

Harry immediately let go of his left hand and they fell from the broom, gently landing on the ground below. Harry went over towards Jayne and said, "Just relax. Deep calming breaths."

Jayne did just that and after a few moments was smiling once again. "That was awesome!"

"Close your eyes, Jayne," Harry instructed and Jayne readily complied. Harry put a hand on Jayne's shoulder, one on River's and without even a blink they found themselves right in the stands next to the others.

"You could've been killed!" Simon snapped at his sister, who was still smiling goofily.

"We're next!" Zoe and Inara exclaimed with their arms raised.

Simon turned to the two women. "How could you possibly-"

"Alright." Harry cut him right off while the match continued above them. Another score for England and the lead was currently 210-170. "Actually, you know I think there's only a few more minutes of game action, so why don't we daisy-chain everyone who wants to ride?"

"How's that?" Mal asked.

"I'll hold Zoe's hand, Zoe will hold Inara's, Inara can hold yours, and so on and so forth," Harry explained. "Just everyone who wants to feel the action, hurry up."

Everyone was hurrying to link hands as Harry grabbed Zoe, who grabbed Inara, who grabbed Mal, who grabbed Jayne, who grabbed River, who was reaching for Kaylee. Simon was pouting, "I have no intention of doing any-

"Oh have some fun, you big baby," Kaylee chided grabbing her boyfriend's hand at the exact moment Harry lunged forward and snapped a hold onto his memory's broom.

"Aahh!" it seemed everyone screamed at once as they were being whipped around like some strange human tail to an extremely fast kite.

"This is amazing," Inara cheered and smiled warmly at Mal, feeling the wind whipping on her face. He grinned back at her as he was giving in to the wild movements of this sort of flying.

"Krum's seen the snitch!" the announcer yelled loudly. Everyone on the broom swung forward wildly as the memory Harry inverted himself quickly and shot off in pursuit.

"_Gos se_, _gos se_, _gos se_," Jayne was chanting as he found them going even faster.

Simon had his eyes shut and seemed to be making his peace with the Almighty.

They were all hanging on for dear life, as the memory Harry and Krum were now neck and neck chasing after the wildly darting and moving snitch.

The screams of the crowd were currently being drowned out by the screams of the crew. The snitch took a dive straight down and the two seekers hurriedly chased after it. Bludgers were flying straight through the many crew members who all shrieked and flinched every time they felt one.

The snitch quickly arced upward away from the pursuing seekers and took a sharp right. The memory Harry knew this was his opportunity since he was on Viktor's right, and he tried his best to keep up with the abrupt change of direction.

Harry knew what was coming, and just smiled back to see all the members of the crew in various states of adrenaline fueled excitement and fear. The memory Harry took both hands off his broom and he stretched to reach the snitch. One last lunge and he wrapped his fist around the fluttering little golden object. The screams and cheers were reaching an apex, only to see that memory Harry had reached further than his broom would allow and he quickly began to plummet the thirty feet down to the earth.

Harry was still clutching onto the now defunct broom as it slowly fell too, but was pleased to see River had let go of Jayne, and tried to catch the falling memory of Harry. Her hand passed right through his body, but it was an instinct that warmed Harry's heart.

The crowd went dead silent as the memory Harry made a loud _whumph_ sound crashing to the ground. A bit of dust and debris flew around the area the seeker had landed.

Everyone there was just watching in abject horror and silent shock as the memory Harry wasn't moving. A small twitch of his arm and the memory Harry's hand thrust straight up into the air, clutching the snitch tightly.

A tidal wave of noise erupted from everyone, including the members of the crew, who could see the anguish on memory Harry's face. "Oww," he weakly commented, so that only those closest could have heard.

Just a moment later, the memory quickly seemed to darken and dull, though the loud cheering continued.

"What happened?" Inara inquired fearfully. "What was that?"

Harry went over and looked at his arm still sticking up in the air, squeezing the snitch tightly. The rest of the players and everyone else was rushing towards them all now. Harry grinned and explained, "I just passed out."

"Were you okay?" Jayne asked.

Harry nodded. "Dislocated my shoulder, and you can see the bone sticking out of my right leg," Harry smiled enjoying the fascinated looks of disgust he received. "But yeah, I made it to a few celebratory parties later this evening."

Inara was clutching her chest with the same goofy smile everyone else was wearing, even Simon who commented, "That was intense."

Harry nodded, while the entire crowd was cheering his name. "This was my favorite game of quidditch ever." Harry walked over to a widely smiling Zoe. He pointed towards a press section of the crowds. "You see the blonde over there? With the large lion hat roaring loudly?"

Zoe looked where he was pointing and gasped. She smiled up at Harry. "You know she looks kind of like-"

"I don't want to hear it," Harry said knowing exactly who she resembled.

Zoe just smirked and said nothing, though she kept looking from the cheering smiling blonde and the young Miss Tam.

"Hang on everyone," Harry warned them, and they all felt the sensation of falling upward this time.

They slowly seemed to wake up and realize they were still seated around the table and Harry was stretching his unused muscles.

"Wow," Kaylee commented twisting a crick out of her neck. "That was incredible, Harry."

"Thanks," Harry admitted. "I'm glad you liked it. And anytime you guys want to see more, we've all got a lifetime of memories."

Mal just nodded at Harry in approval saying nothing, but clearly pleased.

Everyone was still catching their breath, when Jayne left his seat grumbling, "I gotta change my drawers."


	19. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Hot Grenade Oh

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – Hot Grenade-Oh **

"Harry," Zoe remarked. "Have I thanked you for breaking down the walls holding Jayne's shy side back?"

Harry chuckled.

"He paints a picture, don't he?" Mal grinned.

"Did you have to say paint?" Simon whined.

Mal turned to the resident Companion. "Inara, you got a minute?"

Inara nodded and led the Captain back towards her shuttle.

Zoe briefly glanced at the others in the room and asked, "Hey Harry?"

"Mmm?" Harry said looking up at her as he was putting his memories back in his head.

"I was wondering what's so special about _this pensieve_?" Zoe asked.

Harry smiled. "What makes you think there's something about this particular one?"

"You were pleased and recognized it right away," Zoe explained. "But after a few moments of inspection, you were surprised by something specific about it."

Harry nodded. "Ahh, that was because I saw this rune." Harry said pointing towards a symmetrical carving of a bee.

"Is that a wasp or hornet?" River asked looking at where Harry was pointing.

"Close enough," Harry explained. "It's a bee, and indicatory of the one custom made for Albus Dumbledore. I've used this exact pensieve centuries ago. This was the first one I ever saw actually."

"You're sure it's the same one?" Kaylee asked.

Harry nodded. "Pensieves have always been pretty rare and valuable. When my Headmaster died, his brother, Aberforth, suggested that I would get more use out of my Headmaster's than he would. Later on, I got my own and returned it to Aberforth. To the best of my knowledge he had no heirs and I don't know who got Albus's pensieve after that, but this _is_ the same one."

"Small 'verse," Kaylee said with a grin.

"No idea what it was doing in Jersey or how it got there," Harry commented thinking out loud. "Where is Jersey, anyways? You guys ever heard of it?"

"It's probably the biggest slum in the core," Zoe answered. "It's on Alpha, but there's a lot of government housing and crime. You gotta be careful not to get in the middle of the turf wars over there."

"Hmm," Harry thought. "Alpha was the first colonized planet, right?"

"Yes," Simon answered. "You think it means something?"

Harry shrugged. "It might. I'll want to check it out at some point. Though it could be a bad sign."

"What do you mean?" Zoe frowned.

River answered for Harry. "If the wizards' possessions never made it further than the first planet, it may be because none of them even made it that far."

Harry sighed.

"Perhaps they were all exterminated upon arrival and all their things were locked up and hidden for centuries," River continued.

Harry looked up at River wondering if she realized how callous she sounded.

"Or maybe they were all killed much earlier in the trip, and they burned the bodies for extra fuel," River continued brainstorming.

"Thank you, River," Harry interrupted her musings. "I think they get the point."

"Maybe even some super-shuttles ran out of food and had to resort to-"

"We get it," Zoe jumped in, sensing Harry's discomfort.

Harry wasn't in the mood to voice his fears and didn't care to hear River's ruminations. "You can hypothesize all you want. We don't know if Jersey means anything."

* * *

"Am I speaking to the Captain?" Inara asked as she settled down, "Or to Mal?" 

"I'm me," Mal said with a curious look on his face while he continued pacing. "And I was wondering if you'd given any thought to… to… _retiring_."

"Excuse me?" Inara asked, begging Mal for an honest clarification.

"You don't need to be doing your… companioning anymore." Mal said inching his way through the words.

"My companioning?" Inara said hotly. "You mean _whoring_?"

Mal meant exactly that, but knew better than to say it out loud. "These last couple jobs with Harry have paid us very generously. Like the last five years together combined is barely the coin we've made since taking Harry on. Money ain't so tight, and we'd stay afloat for years without even needing to turn another job if we wanted."

"You think I've dedicated my life to being a Companion," Inara asked dangerously, "_for the money_?"

Mal wasn't liking the direction this conversation was going. "I'm not saying that." Mal argued in frustration. "I know there's more to being a Companion than just whoring."

Inara sighed tiredly feeling like it was the same argument all over again. "Such an observant assessment," she sarcastically bit out.

"_Gorram_," Mal muttered. "This is coming out all wrong. I'm not rehashing the old argument here. Because it's never been a realistic possibility before."

"Oh," Inara replied. "And now that you can _afford_ me, you're just gonna try and bribe me into abandoning my career. Is that it?"

Mal closed his eyes wondering how this turned into such a bad thing. He briefly tried to imagine how Harry would handle this situation, and then shook his head scared at that particular prospect. "I'm not trying to buy you," Mal argued. "I just… I…"

"What Mal?" Inara urged. "What possible reason do you have to try and convince me to give up my life thus far?"

"I'm not saying you should give up your life," Mal snapped. "Hell, in case you hadn't noticed you made a pretty good little thief on this last job."

Inara found herself smiling at the unintended compliment.

"Probably made more than you could've spreading your legs in that amount of time too."

Inara lost her smile.

"I'm just saying, I would like it if you were a _real_ member of the crew here," Mal explained hopefully. "And not just the taste of civilized society renting my shuttle."

"Please stop talking," Inara said with her head down.

"Harry's right," Mal said turning to leave angrily. "Women _are_ nutters!" Mal stormed away from Inara's shuttle trying to maintain some of his dignity. He was halfway back towards the kitchen before he questioned just why he was storming away angrily.

Any trace of Mal's anger disappeared when he had returned to the kitchen. Jayne was blushing a bit and pulling his pants back up while Harry's eyes looked like they were twinkling.

"I really don't want to know," Mal said clenching his eyes shut banishing the image of the scene from his mind. "_Dong ma_?"

"No worries Captain," Harry explained cheerfully. "Jayne was just informing me he'd changed his drawers. I was curious to what lengths he would go to convince of me that."

"It wasn't what it looked like Mal," Jayne argued. "It was… it was umm… _magic_."

"I _really_ don't want to know," Mal repeated testily.

Harry grinned and mused out loud. "You know, there is an entire branch of magic dedicated to-"

"Harry," Mal said warningly.

"Sorry Captain," Harry replied. "I consider the matter closed. Jayne, I completely believe that you really did change your drawers."

"Thank you," Jayne said with more dignity than he deserved.

Harry took the brief moment to ask, "And how'd your talk with Inara go?"

Mal grabbed himself a beverage and sat down at the table across from Harry. "I quoted you."

"Well that's usually a good way to impress the ladies," Harry said with a smile.

"I told her _women are nutters_," Mal explained.

"Oooh, poor choice on quoting me," Harry replied. "I can't imagine that was taken with a laugh and a smile."

Mal shook his head. "For all I know it might have. That was when I stormed out. _Why did I storm out?_"

"You serious, Mal?" Jayne asked.

Mal just looked at Jayne inquiringly.

"Maybe because you're retarded for that cootchie-coo?" Jayne stated obviously.

Harry turned towards Mal and wryly commented, "I can see why I'm a better source for quotes than others."

"I just don't get that girl," Mal continued. "I was trying to be nice. I was suggesting that she quit the whoring, now that we've had some good scores. Make her into a more proper member of the crew."

"Ouch," Harry said. "I hope you didn't use those words."

Mal rolled his eyes. "I didn't call it whoring." Mal thought for a moment and corrected, "Or at least not before she called it whoring."

"I didn't mean that," Harry clarified. "I meant 'a more proper member of the crew.'"

"What's wrong with that?" Mal wondered.

"How would you feel if I started talking about how you can be a more proper Captain of a ship?"

Mal suddenly realized he'd pretty much discounted all of Inara's contributions over the past few years. "_Gos se_. I think I said a _real_ member of the crew."

Harry turned to Jayne and nodded. "Yup. You owe her an apology for that one."

Mal was muttering to himself. "This was supposed to sound like a good thing. Why do things have to be so complicated?"

"Well," Harry chose to answer the rhetorical question. "For you, they're not complicated."

"What do you mean by that?" Mal asked.

Harry looked at Jayne, who nodded and helpfully added, "What Harry's trying to say, is that, for you, they're not complicated."

"Thank you Jayne," Harry grinned. "That's exactly what I was trying to say."

"Happy to help," Jayne agreed feeling quite proud.

Mal just looked at the pair and wondered when Harry became Jayne's new best friend. He was guessing probably about the time Harry saved Jayne's mother from the brink of death. "Harry? Could you perhaps go into a little more depth than Jayne's otherwise top-notch translation?"

"For you, things really aren't complicated," Harry suggested.

"Yes, I'd managed to glean that much from your earlier statement."

"Things _are_ complicated for Inara," Harry clarified and shook his head. "But not for you."

"She's a member of my crew," Mal argued.

"So am I," Jayne jumped in. "Are they complicated with us?"

"That's different," Mal retorted. "Relationships among crew members are always a bad idea."

Harry whispered conspiratorially towards Jayne. "I'll keep him busy. You hurry and warn Kaylee and the Doc."

Jayne nodded, "I'll warn Kaylee. Let's let Simon figure it out on his own."

"Yes, yes, I know," Mal admitted ignoring the mocking across from him. "For those two, it's worked out pretty well. But even Zoe and Wash got into fights all the time, mainly because of her responsibilities."

Jayne looked at Harry skeptically. Harry nodded at Jayne and replied, "Yes, he's actually trying to use two people that were so deeply in love, that she's still mourning two years later as an example of why _not_ to be honest with a kooshy-koo he's retarded for."

Jayne snickered. "I'm not sure that word agrees with you, Harry."

"I'm honest with her," Mal argued. "I'm always honest with her."

"You ask her out?" Jayne snapped quickly.

"No."

"Do you want to?" Harry snapped at the Captain.

Mal hesitated. "I don't know."

"Ahh," Harry said nodding and turning to Jayne. "He's not honest with himself."

"_Ni ta ma de. Tianxia suoyoude ren. Dou gaisi_," Mal muttered standing up to leave. "Why the gorram am I talking to you two for advice?" He angrily left the room, again asking loudly, "And why the gorram am I storming out again?"

* * *

"Alright, everyone who's done with their brain training, raise your hand," Harry said to a smiling River. 

River thrust her arm in the air happily.

"Ah-ah-ahh," Harry waggled his finger negatively. "Not so fast, River."

River's smile disappeared leaving a heartbroken young woman.

"You've got a long ways to go still," Harry explained.

River pouted. "You say that every time."

"And oddly enough, it's true every time," Harry mused aloud.

"My walls are sturdy," River exclaimed. "I can feel them, and I can feel they're working."

Harry nodded. "True and you've not needed any mental assistance from me for over two days now."

"So what embarrassing and emotional turmoil must you put me through this time?"

"Miss Tam," Harry looked down on his student, feeling as if he was behind his old Headmaster's desk. "Just because you've managed to get your boat in the air and flying, doesn't mean you can fix it when it breaks down."

River sighed. "How can you be so sure it _will_ break down?"

Harry grinned and slipped into her mind through simple eye contact. River felt him come in and appeared next to him on the inside of her _Occlumens_ Shield, visible at the moment as massive stone fortress walls. "Well for one, you are unable to consciously keep me out."

Harry disappeared momentarily and River felt a massive explosion and shudder just on the outside of her walls. Harry reappeared right next to her. "See? I've been your mental crutch and you instinctively trust me. You'll be better off knowing how to restrict or allow anyone into your mind, even me."

River nodded.

"And you've built this once," Harry said pointing to her thick walls. "But when it breaks down, can you build it again?"

River frowned. "I'm still not sure how to even break it down."

Harry tapped his nose. "And that's another thing you should know: how to take your shield down. There'll be times where it's advantageous to read someone. Considering what you've done so far, I'm pretty sure I can teach you to control your reading, not just cage it."

Harry paused and thought about it. "Normally, teaching the skill of _Legilimency_ requires an oath of privacy and conduct, but… I guess we'll just have to use the honor system."

"Why's that?" River asked.

Harry chuckled. "Because a magical oath doesn't have much compulsion when a muggle tries to invoke it."

"Oh," River understood. "Your oaths are magically binding and you're physically unable to break them?"

Harry nodded. "For the most part. Usually you are _capable_ of breaking an oath, just that there's a large cost in doing so, sometimes your magic, sometimes your life. Depends on the circumstances and the oath."

River shrugged. "You know my brain better than me. You wouldn't teach me anything I'd abuse, so you can cast an oath and risk your own magic and life."

"Like I said," Harry repeated. "The honor system."

River nodded with a smile. "So you say these walls come down? And I can rebuild them?"

"I know they can come down," Harry admitted. "But first see if you can't expel me."

River focused her eyes and stared at Harry.

Harry stood there while River seemed to be scrunching her face in a cute way. Harry smiled lightly and asked, "What are you doing?"

River sighed and asked, "How do I expel you?"

"You push me out of your mind," Harry stated obviously. "I only slipped in through a simple _Legilimens_ connection. No bond, no control. You're the boss of your mind. I'm an intruder. It should be pretty instinctual."

River was furrowing her brow in focus again.

"Of course, you have to actually want to push me out."

River gritted her teeth in concentration, trying everything she could imagine to mentally push.

Harry sighed. "Alright, come with me." Harry grabbed a hold of River's hand and pulled her with him.

River gulped as she felt the sensation of being sucked through a straw. With a disorienting jerk, she found herself exactly where she had been, only a mirrored image.

"Whoops," Harry admitted.

Another shift and the setting inverted itself again going back to looking normal. River was twitching as she glanced around curiously. "What did you do?"

Harry grinned and snapped his fingers. The stone fortress walls disappeared.

River gasped only to see no visible change in the sky or atmosphere. She seemed to be focusing inwardly before she looked right at Harry. "Where are we?"

"We," Harry said happily, "are in my mind now, not yours."

"It looks identical to mine," River stated.

Harry nodded. "I thought this'd be easiest on you."

"What does it normally look like in here?"

"Well," Harry said. "I almost always keep my shields up unless I'm consciously holding them down. But usually it looks like this."

Everything around them, including their own bodies disappeared from sight. Pure unending darkness existed in silent black vacuum. A cold, dead chill ran through River's consciousness and she began to shiver. In the blink of an eye, they were back at the fortress and grassy field.

Harry said, "That's the unfriendly welcome. When I'm actively defensive, it hurts. A lot."

"That's…" River paused thinking of the words. "Numbing." Her eyes widened in recognition, "That's what I felt from you when I first met you!"

"Exactly," Harry said. "But since you were so honest with me, I'll show you what it looks like when I'm working in here and for some reason I need to keep my shields down."

River felt the emotion inside of her before her eyes had even responded to the shift. She felt warmer and happier. The sun was brighter in the sky, and the sounds of the fabricated nature were louder. You could hear the bubbling water of a creek nearby. She looked over and spotted one of the most curious looking buildings she'd ever seen. It was clearly magical, considering it had several transparent floating rings accessible from a balcony.

"This was a private house that only my wife and I ever came to," Harry said pointing towards the odd structure. "We had a more public house that our friends visited us at, but this one was just for us."

River saw the warmth in Harry's eyes as he looked at the house. "You don't seem the married type."

Harry genuinely smiled at River as the setting rippled and shifted into the more familiar and slightly sterile look of River's mind. "I do my best to not seem like _any_ type," Harry said with a smirk.

"Anyways," Harry clapped and grinned deviously. "I brought you here for a reason. I wanted you to feel… this."

River felt the apprehension in her grow as Harry kept talking. The very moment he said the word 'this,' she was forcefully and immediately pushed out the same odd straw she'd come in on. River rocked backwards from her sitting up position as her entire body adjusted to a strong shift in balance. She was dizzy and feeling ill. She barely noticed she was no longer in either mental landscape, but was back on her bed in Serenity.

"You okay?" Harry asked seeing River turn a little green.

River weakly nodded. "I take it that's what pushing me out feels like?"

"Yup," Harry admitted. "And believe it or not, that's about as gentle as you can be expelling a person. Usually upon detection, they retreat on their own right away."

"Makes sense," River agreed. "I wouldn't want to hang around so that you can expel me either."

Harry caught River's eye and slipped right back in. He was idly leaning against the walls of her fortress when River joined him. "Have you thought about trying to keep me out?"

River nodded. "I don't understand why my shield isn't working on you."

"Hmm," Harry considered. "Most everything else you've almost picked up on simply through instinct. It just takes some repetition to train that instinct sometimes. Could be your wall," Harry said running his hand across the rough stone. "Let's do something about that."

Harry's hand flared with light as the magic in it quickly flooded through the wall. River could feel it pushing and stretching the wall. She thought it was strengthening the wall and River felt it was filling in the gaps. Her confusion on what Harry was doing dissolved as she suddenly felt the entire wall implode upon itself. An explosion of dust blinded the view as the cold wind converged on them, whipping small pieces of debris into their faces.

River felt like her head was going to explode as she fell to her knees in the mental plane. She screeched loudly, wishing an end to the noise, the pain, and the cold.

Suddenly she looked up and saw it had stopped. The dust was settling and River saw where her stone walls used to be, there was now a shiny synthesized, much taller metal barricade. The light seemed to reflect off it, casting a purplish glow. Also surprisingly absent was Harry.

Harry triggered the collapse of River's shield with just a twist of magic that he knew would completely destroy her only defense. He was on his guard, ready to help her, in case she didn't instinctively raise new defenses and he was needed to cast a shield around her mind. He was even half curious if she might be able to expel him from her mind. That particular question was quickly answered for him, as he was summarily thrown straight up out of her cabin door. He crashed through the doorframe, feeling his arm break as it caught the edge. The more pressing issue was that his arm breaking just barely slowed his momentum down as he flew bodily across the hall and slammed hard onto Jayne's cabin door.

Harry could feel the warmth of the blood leaking out the back of his head, but was grateful that he seemed pretty numb to most everything else that may have broken.

"Coming," Jayne's voice called out to the banging on his door.

Harry barely had time to moan in pain when Jayne pulled the door open, allowing Harry to fall the rest of the way in, head first. He greeted Jayne with another groan of pain.

"You okay there, Harry?" Jayne asked looking at the upside down man with the arm looking like it had two elbows.

Harry lifted a finger to draw Jayne's attention that he was going to speak. It took him a few moments before he announced, "I think River's learning." Having gotten his point across, Harry's body decided it had had enough and he passed out.

"Yeah, I'll say," Jayne agreed with unconscious Harry.

"Oh my god!" River exclaimed at the sight of Harry. "Are you okay?"

Jayne shrugged. "Yeah, I'm fine. But Harry here's pretty messed up. You go get your brother. I'll carry Harry to the infirmary."

River dashed off down the hall before Jayne could even finish.

"Hey River!" Jayne called out loudly. He heard her stop and run back his direction. "Harry thinks you're learning!" Jayne yelled to her.

River seemed to pause and smile in pride. It took her a few seconds to remember what she had to do.

* * *

"What am I supposed to do?" Simon asked after stopping the bleeding on the back of Harry's head. "He can heal himself I thought?" 

"You suddenly ain't a doctor anymore?" Mal said with a frown.

Simon shrugged helplessly. "How do I even know what effect drugs will have on him and his voodoo? Maybe his right arm is supposed to have two elbows?"

"He's still human," Mal argued. "Start your treatment as normal. When Harry wakes up, maybe he'll fix himself up the rest of the way."

"Why though? So far every time Harry's hurt himself or exhausted himself he's only needed rest." Simon asked. "It could just be a waste of our resources."

"Simon," River said rolling her eyes. "We have an excess of resources primarily because of Harry."

Simon relented and started by setting Harry's arm. "Alright, get me a splint please. Making a cast would probably slow Harry's voodoo down." Simon stuck Harry's arm with a syringe and emptied it. He couldn't keep the smile from his face. "So how'd this happen?"

River giggled. "I expelled him from my mind!"

Simon looked up. "That's good?"

River nodded.

"You don't need him protecting your mind anymore?"

River inwardly checked her newest fortress walls. "No. Well not right now at least."

"Excellent," Simon agreed as he continued tightening the splint on Harry's forearm. "Err… how does expelling him from your mind do this?"

"Oh," River recalled. "Well it seems to have launched him out of my room and across the hall, smashing into Jayne's door."

Jayne nodded. "I think it was your doorframe that caught Harry's arm."

Simon grinned at his sister. "Nice work, River."

River frowned, thinking Simon may have been congratulating her for less than virtuous reasons. She was interrupted when Harry moaned out loud.

"Eurgh," Harry said in a haze of pain.

Simon's eyes widened. "What are you doing? I just gave you a sedative."

"That," Harry slowly replied, "is probably what woke me."

"Sedatives wake you?"

"When administered without my magic's permission," Harry said blinking his eyes in the bright white light. "Yeah."

"That seems counter-productive," Simon answered fetching Harry some water.

"I'm not a very physiologically trusting person," Harry admitted. He drank the water greedily and spotted River. "Hey! How's your shield?"

"Shiny, smooth, weird metal," River answered cheerfully.

"Excellent," Harry replied with a grin. He coughed in pain. "That was… a pretty good… first time expelling me."

River relished in the praise.

Harry sat up and saw his arm. "Thanks Doc," Harry said looking at the splint. Harry moved his good arm over his numbed fractured area. Harry took a deep breath and expelled the air loudly as his magic flared and the hand over his arm began glowing.

Everyone was watching curiously as they saw Harry's arm shifting slightly and repairing before their eyes. The color was draining before coming back a nice healthy shade of pink.

"There," Harry said happily exhausted. "Oops." He admitted before falling backwards completely unconscious again having overextended himself.

"God that's cool," Jayne said with a smile.

Simon pouted. "It's cheating is what it is."

* * *

Harry blearily came to in the still bright white infirmary. He held in his groan of frustration and took a moment to observe his surroundings. He noticed he wasn't alone. "Hi Captain." 

Mal glanced up realizing Harry was awake. "How you feeling?"

Harry shrugged. "My head still hurts. Did I fracture that too?"

"Doc said it was just a bruise. Your head did leave a puddle of blood on Jayne's floor though."

Harry nodded and was rubbing the bandaged area. "I think I'll hold off on trying to heal this bump."

"That sounds like a pretty wise idea."

"How long was I out for?" Harry asked.

"Couple days," Mal replied. "We're just a few hours out from Chan's."

"I'll be ready," Harry assured him. A ripple shimmered over Harry's body and he seemed much more awake. "See? My magic just needed a nap."

"Relax," Mal held up a hand stopping him. "Zoe and I can handle this one. We've dealt with Chan before. You just rest up."

"Captain," Harry whined. "I just juiced myself. I'm itching to do something useful rather than just _rest up_."

"We've been doing this a lot longer than we've known you, Harry," Mal explained. "I'm sure River will be happy to spar, or Jayne will want to play with guns if you got ants in your pants."

"Alright alright," Harry admitted hopping up from the bed. "I can tell when I'm not wanted. Care to join me and get some food?"

"You don't want the Doc to clear you?"

Harry smiled wryly. "You think he'll voluntarily allow me further interaction with his sister?"

"He may be a bit protective of _mei-mei_," Mal explained. "But he is good doctor. He's patched all of us at one time or another."

Harry walked over to an intercom and pressed the button for everywhere. "Hey Doc! I'm awake and feeling tons better. Any reason I shouldn't go and get some lunch?"

A moment of silence before the intercom buzzed and Simon's voice replied. "Only the fact that it's 9:30 at night, so dinner might be a better idea. You know your own odd physiology better than me so I figure that's your call."

"Thanks Doc," Harry replied in the intercom and nodded to the Captain. "Could I interest you in some ham soup with a ham and ham sandwich?"

* * *

Inara was smiling at River. 

"Stop that," River petulantly whined.

"What's the matter?" Inara grinned. "Are you _reading_ me?"

"No," River insisted. "Harry's taught me to block it out."

"Really," Inara said innocently. She drawled out the words, "And what else has he taught you?"

"I told you to stop that." River said narrowing her eyes.

"At first I thought it was part of the euphoric effect Harry talked about," Inara stated. "But that wouldn't explain your worry."

"He's helping me, I've been forced to trust him, and I still need his tuition. I'd be crazy not to worry."

"True. We were all worried about him."

"Then stop that."

"But no one else is ashamed or trying to hide their worry."

River clenched her eyes but felt her face flushing.

Inara snickered at her. "I think you might be smitten."

River's eyes whipped open and she shook her head rapidly. "I am _not_ smitten."

"You're sure?" Inara asked a little too happily.

"Yes, I'm sure," River calmly replied. "I happen to favor a definition of smitten that requires reciprocity in feelings. Harry's so old he doesn't even know how to look at me."

"Really?" Inara continued goading.

River was acting more irritated than she felt. "If you must know, one of the few times he's opened up to me, was to show me what the house he shared with only his wife looked like."

"So only his wife," Inara clarified. "And you?"

River rolled her eyes. "He was reminding me of who he is and has been."

"That's one way to look at it."

River sighed and shook her head.

"So you're really not smitten?"

River nodded seriously.

"Well in that case," Inara stated plainly, before smiling and singing, "River's got a crush, River's got a crush."

"_Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng_," River mumbled quietly.

Inara snickered at River's inability to respond and repeated her little song again.

"I don't have a crush," River whined. "Well, okay, maybe I do, but it's not what you think."

"Hmm," Inara said noticing River's honesty. "Alright, so what is it then?"

"What does it matter?" River replied.

"If I've noticed it," Inara explained. "Then you know Harry has, or he's going to real soon."

River sighed, having suspected Harry was aware of her feelings.

"Okay," River admitted. "It is probably something of a crush, but it's not any sort of controllable or avoidable crush."

"No," Inara agreed. "It's just you wanting to jump his old magical bones."

"Oh for the love of-" River stopped herself and explained. "What I mean, is that this isn't a typical twenty-year-old's crush." She clenched her eyes and explained quietly, "I haven't been exactly forthcoming, but they messed me up pretty bad when they were… _experimenting_ on me. My mental and emotional growth and development was completely stunted in some ways, and accelerated in others."

Inara sat there silently, listening to River.

"And the nearest I can tell," River replied in frustration. "Is that all the usual teenage hormones are finally catching up to me."

Inara guffawed, desperately trying to hold in her laugh. "You're going through… puberty?"

River threw her arms out in exasperation. "I never had a chance to have a crush on a boy or to even know what being attracted to one feels like. These are the first moments where my mind is completely and fully my own. I mean Mal's been pretty clearly marked _your_ territory, and Jayne makes a hell of an impression. There's nothing I can do about fantasizing about him with the way he looks, all he does for me, and the kind of guy he is! I'm getting _cramps_ for the first time!"

Inara had blushed at the comment about Mal but laughed out loud at River's frustration.

"It's not funny!" River insisted.

"Yeah it is!" Jayne firmly disagreed with a grin from the doorway.

River froze since she hadn't even realized he was there. The sound of another throat clearing alerted River to the fact that someone else was there too. It didn't take her long to figure out who it was, and she began to bang her head on the table.

Harry felt bad for River and didn't think anything he said would be appreciated. He put his hand on Jayne's shoulder and said, "Come on. Let's go play outside."

Jayne shrugged and turned to leave with Harry. "Should I bring grenades?"

Harry wasn't quite prepared for that question. "Umm… sure." Harry agreed. "Yeah, bring grenades."

Jayne hurried off towards his bunk as fast as he could while Harry just slowly walked towards the back cargo bay exit.

Twenty seconds later, Inara turned back to look at River banging her head on the table. "I think they're gone."

"But they still know," River whispered in between head thumps.

"I'm sure Harry understands," Inara added knowing she was enjoying this situation an unhealthy amount.

"I don't care if he does," River whined. "It's just going to compound the effect and make it even worse on _me _knowing he knows."

"Hmm," Inara said observing River.

"What?"

"I'm just wondering how much of it is your," Inara cleared her throat biting her lip, "puberty." She took a moment ignoring River's dirty look and continued. "And how much of it is simply you hoping that it is the puberty."

River frowned and pouted. She sighed. "I told you to stop that."

* * *

Mal and Zoe were making their way back to Serenity on the skiff. River had parked her in a valley, hidden by rock on both sides. The deal had gone smoothly and they'd gotten eighty-five thousand for two boxes. But they were unprepared to see a massive explosion over in the direction of Serenity. 

"Sir?"

"I saw it too," Mal said. "Did you hear it?"

"No sir," Zoe replied, thinking the wind as they went wasn't loud enough to muffle the sound.

"Can this be anything good?" Mal asked.

Zoe shook her head with a small smile. "Probably not, but it might be fun."

Mal groaned, "Not you too."

Zoe just grinned and continued pushing the skiff to its top speed.

"Hurry up!" Jayne cheered through his dust covered goggles. "And I called you on it! You got a penalty verse!"

Harry was tossing the small green contraband in between his right and left hand. He hurriedly sang, "He robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor. Stood up to the Man and he gave him what for. Our love for him now ain't hard to explain," Harry was still juggling the grenade in his two hands. "The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne." The moment Harry finished he tossed the grenade back towards the man in question. Unfortunately, it only went about eight feet before detonating in their faces. The ripple of pressure exploded the air and sent both men flying twenty feet back, head over heels through the dirt. It was hard to tell which of the two was squealing loudest in glee.

Mal and Zoe had identified the two people in the distance, and holstered their weapons. They saw Harry's mouth moving but heard no sound from them. When they passed an invisible barrier, they suddenly could hear Harry finishing the song and Jayne cackling in an effeminate manner. They were still thirty yards out when the grenade erupted and the two were blasted through the air.

"This is awesome," Jayne cheered sitting up quickly and dusting himself off. He hadn't even noticed Mal and Zoe approaching. "Time for a double!" Jayne called as he grabbed two grenades off his belt, pulled the pins, and tossed them to Harry.

"Jayne!" Mal exclaimed, attracting his attention.

"Oh hey Mal, how'd it go?" Jayne said, keeping an eye on Harry.

"What in the rutting hell are you doing?" Mal asked with wide eyes.

Jayne looked up in time to catch the first grenade but missed the second. He tossed the first back to Harry and bent down to pick up the other. "Playing _Hot Grenade-Oh_! It's awesome!"

"Hey," Jayne grinned at Zoe and the Captain's similar looks of worry. "You guys want to play?" He tossed the second grenade straight towards Mal.

"Jayne!" Harry called out, before snapping into action. He apparated right into the path of the grenade, caught it, and chucked it straight up into the air.

Mal had flinched violently and looked up to see the charge rupture into a giant ball of fire in the sky.

"Jayne," Harry asked. "What was that?"

Jayne grinned goofily. "I just wanted to let Mal play."

Harry looked at Jayne in shock. "Jayne? _Protection spells_?"

"Oh right," Jayne laughed and smacked himself in the forehead. "Sorry about that Mal. Good thinking, Harry."

Zoe and Mal were just staring at the other two in fright.

"Just having a spot of fun," Harry said smiling weakly at the Captain.

"Live one!" Jayne called and hit Harry in the back of the head with another grenade. "You missed it! That's a verse!"

Harry spun around and made two motions with his fingers. The first levitated the grenade up to his eye level. The second sent one of the pins off the ground and right back into the grenade.

"Aww," Jayne pouted.

"I think that's enough for now," Harry said, while motioning unsubtly towards the Captain. "So how'd it go, Captain? No problems?"

Mal shook his head, half-tempted to tell these two man-children they were in trouble and to go to their rooms. "Nope, no problems. Why don't we get back into the air now and stop blowing up this moon?"

"Aye-aye Captain," Harry said with a salute, cleaning up a few of the freshly made craters.

Jayne hopped onto the skiff with Mal and Zoe as they drove the last few hundred feet back to Serenity. Harry apparated on ahead of them and opened up the cargo bay doors. Everyone appeared to be hanging out in the cargo area waiting for them.

Inara and Kaylee were whispering something to River that was not putting a smile on her face.

Zoe saw Inara was immensely tickled about something. "What'd we miss while we were out?"

Inara shook her head, not wishing to answer out loud.

"Oh," Jayne turned towards Zoe and the Captain snapping his fingers in recognition. "River's going through puberty."

"Jayne!" Kaylee called out angrily, trying not to snicker.

"What?" Jayne said noticing Simon's look of complete confusion. "Was it supposed to be a secret?" He grinned and looked over at Harry who was closing the cargo bay doors. "It's not like I talked about her wanting to ride Harry's magical broomstick."

Simon looked like he was going to be sick while River seemed content to completely cover her face with her hands.

"I think it's time to leave this world," River said getting up heading towards the bridge.

Mal was biting his tongue, realizing River was not denying any of these surprising turns of events. "Where we going, _mei-mei_?"

"Bellerophon!" the digital sentience of Mr. Universe called out from Harry's communication device.

"Bellerophon," River agreed as she left the room.

"Why Bellerophon?" Mal asked.

"Durran call?" Harry asked.

"Yup," Mr. Universe answered. "Durran's located a new book and I think it's one we may all like to see. And you _have_ to get it, Harry."

Mal turned to Harry curiously. "Works for me. We're not on any timetables at the moment."

"Did he say what the book was?" Harry asked curiously, wondering what Durran could have located that they would all like to see.

"Yeah, he did," Mr. Universe replied a little too happily. "He said it was _A Biography of Harry Potter._"


	20. CHAPTER NINETEEN: Mel's Dinner

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER NINETEEN – Mel's Dinner **

"Bugger!" Harry exclaimed startling the rest of the crew.

Mal frowned at the odd exclamation. "Excuse me?"

Harry ignored him and continued. "Are you saying the title of the book is _A Biography of Harry Potter_ or just that it's a biography?"

"It's the title," Mr. Universe relayed.

"Bollocks!" Harry exclaimed. "Is it the one written by Anonymous?"

"There's more than one?" Jayne turned and asked Zoe.

"How'd you know that?" Mr. Universe exclaimed.

Harry sighed and wasn't quite sure how he felt about this. On one hand, while there were aspects of his past that he wished stayed there, it's not like the crew could look at him any weirder. And on other hand, he was looking forward to re-reading it, and imagining it being read to him. "I'm familiar with this particular biography."

Inara saw Harry thinking and asked, "There are multiple biographies written about you?"

Harry looked up at her and succinctly answered, "Yeah."

"All because you're some quidditch star?" Jayne asked. "But I thought that game you showed us was from the only World Cup you played in? And you never went professional?"

"Well," Harry added. "It wasn't just because I played quidditch. I was something of a… _famous_ wizard."

"How famous?" Mal asked.

Harry sighed. "In my lifetime?" Harry scratched his chin in thought and settled on the only answer he could. "I am probably _the_ most famous wizard."

"Is that a fact?" Simon asked curiously.

Harry shrugged. "I didn't know magic was real until I was eleven, but every witch and wizard in England knew my name before I was two."

"And you didn't feel like sharing this information before?" Simon continued.

"No," Harry admitted. "I didn't. I've never cared for fame, though there are some benefits to go with all the drawbacks. But faced with the possibility of seemingly being the only living wizard around this side of the verse, it was totally irrelevant."

"So if not quidditch, what are you famous for?" Kaylee asked. She saw Harry's hesitation and quickly added, "If you don't mind me asking."

Harry smiled to put Kaylee at ease. "I don't mind, but don't you think you'd rather wait for the book?"

"No," Mal said.

Harry saw Mal was waiting for an answer and explained, "Right, okay. Well like I told you there was a dark wizard killing people. On Halloween night, when I was a one-year old baby, with my family a known target of this fella, we were in hiding from him. He found us. He killed my dad. Then he killed my mom. Then he tried to kill me. The Killing Curse, an unforgivable spell which had never before failed, bounced off my forehead and right back into his face. Many people thought he was dead after that and I was the first ever Killing Curse survivor. A one-year-old baby that supposedly defeated the Dark Lord. They called me the Boy-Who-Lived and celebrated the end of his first reign of terror."

Harry shrugged unconcerned. "It's why I was then forced to live with my muggle aunt and uncle. To hide me from all the dark followers of this Dark Lord, while every magical place in Europe was toasting and cheering my name. I had the occasional odd nightmare about a flash of green light, but my aunt and uncle assured me that my parents were useless alcoholics who died in a car crash. It wasn't until I was eleven that I learned about magic, what really happened to my parents and worst of all that I was quite famous for things I was too young to even remember doing."

Harry stopped and sat there in silence, garnering odd looks from the rest of the crew, excepting River who was still in the cockpit piloting the ship.

"You people are weird," Simon admitted.

Harry nodded in agreement, "Yup. I think I said it before but my adolescence and school years were pretty surreal."

"Harry," Zoe explained. "Everything about you is pretty surreal."

"I'm going to check on River," Simon stated as he got up to walk away.

"Be nice to her," Harry warned.

Simon turned and frowned. "I think I know my sister a bit better than you."

Harry didn't feel like destroying that delusion right now and explained, "I just mean that she's working under her own mental shield now. And it could collapse at any time, especially in moments of stress and high emotion. Embarrassment can be a powerful emotion and it sounds like her hormones are doing enough work _without_ your blunt attempts at scolding. It's just…" Harry paused and finished, "She's more fragile than she looks."

Simon appeared far less irritated and displayed a maturity that pleasantly surprised Harry. "Got it," he replied and left towards the bridge.

Harry turned to the others with a grin. "I think he's starting to hate me a little bit less."

"Can't hate you more," Kaylee agreed.

* * *

"Hello?" the curious voice of Durran Haymer greeted the incoming communication wave. 

"Durran," Harry grinned. "Life treating you well, I hope?"

"Oh it's you," Durran rolled his eyes, dropping his façade of cultured elegance.

Harry gasped and clutched his chest. "It is me, isn't it?"

"Good to see you, Harry. Frank said you might be interested in that old biography?"

"Yeah," Harry reluctantly admitted. "I would like to get my hands on it."

"He seemed to think none of the others in that same collection sounded like your sort of thing," Durran stated carefully.

Harry nodded. "Frank knows what I'm looking for, but I wouldn't mind taking a glance at the others there. You know how it is, a lot of times I won't know it until I see it. Out of curiosity, have you read the biography?"

Durran shook his head, "It was weird. The cover was in English, but the book wasn't in any language I could recognize."

Harry exhaled a silent sigh of relief.

"But the picture on the cover is hilarious," Durran chuckled. "This old guy was caught completely off-guard and looks horrified that his picture was taken. Quite humorous."

"Bugger," Harry mumbled. "We're about a week away from you-"

"And you're calling me?" Durran asked looking at his feed skeptically.

Harry grinned cheekily. "I'm Harry, remember? I don't let things like the limits of proper communication or the legalities of signal hopping bother me."

"You sure you don't want to patent that technology?" Durran asked impressed.

"Not particularly," Harry shrugged. "It'd probably make a few people rich, but then they'd find ways to prevent it if more people used this particular method. Anyways, Durran, you know at a minimum I want _this _book. What's it going to cost me? You got a job in mind or a price you're looking for?"

"Harry, Harry, Harry," Durran smiled. "You know with all your curious talents, favors from you are worth so much more than money."

Harry gulped. "Oh dear."

Durran snickered. "I need you to utilize your guile and charm."

"You're complimenting me? That can't be good. You're asking too much already."

"Yes, well, you remember your friend that you told me about?"

Harry nodded, waiting for a bit more explanation than that.

"Monty, his name was?"

"Yeah," Harry slowly answered.

"And your new Captain, Mal?"

"Oh no."

"I just want them to come to dinner."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Mel is doing much better and I think if we put her in a position to face up to the person she was, she'll finally be able to move on and become the wife she wants to be."

"You're insane."

"From you," Durran commented. "That means absolutely nothing."

"You want a dinner party."

"Yes," Durran exclaimed. "Casual dress is fine. If you or any others are to be in attendance, you are all welcome. Just let me know how many to plan on."

"Oh I'm not gonna miss this."

"I'm sure Mel will be delighted to see you," Durran said with a wry smile knowing full well his wife's opinion of Harry.

"Someone's gotta referee," Harry grinned. "Have you told her yet?"

"You haven't even agreed to help me with this, Harry."

"Alright," Harry said. "Don't tell her. I'm going to need surprising her as a selling point to get Monty and the Captain to agree."

Durran thinned his lips. "I don't like deceiving my wife."

"Durran," Harry said condescendingly. "Mel and deception go together like peanut butter and sex. You can't separate them. You just gotta adjust to enjoying them together."

Durran sighed, unfamiliar with many of Harry's odd sayings. "I won't lie to her. If she asks me directly I will tell her the truth."

"Alright," Harry said. "I'll see if I can swing this. When are you thinking?"

"Next Saturday too soon?"

Harry paused and seemed to be pondering for an inordinately long time. The screen over Durran's face suddenly shifted into text that read, 'Today is Thursday, idiot.' Harry grinned at Frank's silent help. "Saturday should be fine. If it's not I'll let you know a better day for us. I'll call and tell you who all is coming, but I suspect since all eight crew members here are familiar with Mel, we'll all be interested in attending. So expect nine of us for now. Ten if Monty brings backup."

Durran frowned and Harry hastily corrected himself. "Did I say backup? I meant _a date_. Ten if Monty brings a date."

"Excellent Harry, excellent," Durran grinned ignoring Harry's painfully intentional gaffe. "I've got a good feeling about this."

Harry laughed and laughed, ruining Durran's good feeling. "I'll talk to you later Durran," Harry snickered out.

"Goodbye," Durran said rolling his eyes closing off the communication.

* * *

"River?" Simon gently asked as he walked onto the bridge. "_Mei mei_, are you okay?" 

River looked over at her brother and then back forward again. "I don't suppose Harry toyed with your brain and wiped away any of your recent memories."

"No," Simon assured her. "At least I hope not." Simon paused and began to wonder.

"Craptacular."

"It's not that bad," Simon smiled and sat in the co-pilot's chair. "But I would like to know why you didn't come to me with this."

River looked over at her brother. "Alright, Simon. How's this: you know how I've become completely dependent and reliant on the help from the cute new guy? The one who spends a large amount of his time in my head and knows me more intimately than anyone ever before has? Well in assisting me on the road to normalcy, I've been noticing more typical emotional reactions. As a result of this progressive movement with him _inside_ me, I find all this close, extremely personal contact has left me hot, bothered, and lusting for his naked sweaty-"

"I get it! I get it!" Simon franticly interrupted her. "The brother side of me would not have reacted well to that. But I _am_ trained to be an impartial physician and I could perhaps help you understand and deal with this. We could examine the medical and scientific effects. I know the mental areas and… _magic_ are beyond my rational comprehension, but puberty is not a new concept to me. I even went through it myself." Simon unnecessarily added, "Once."

River shook her head. "It's not that big a deal. It's just a phase. It'll pass. I was hoping it would have passed before anyone noticed, but…"

"Yeah," Simon agreed half-heartedly. "We all noticed."

"What?" River exclaimed, her mouth hanging open in shock.

Simon rolled his eyes. "You're not quite as subtle as you used to be, _mei mei_."

River's jaw snapped shut with a click.

Simon chuckled. "This isn't a bad thing either. Considering how much better you've been doing, acting a little more human is a small price to pay."

"You think Harry noticed?" River asked apprehensively.

"Before… I'm not sure." Simon shrugged. "But now I think it's pretty unavoidable."

"Sigh," River said unaware she was merely saying the word and not sighing.

Simon held back a smile and forced himself to think of the rest of the crew's opinion of Harry. "I can't believe you're making me do this, but I don't think it's going to matter to Harry."

River turned to Simon and asked, "If Zoe declared her unquenchable lust for you, would you be able to interact with her the same way?"

"Zoe?" Simon asked curiously, unable to even imagine the situation. "Well… no, I mean… I've never…" Simon gave up and shook his head. "The point I'm saying is that Harry's older than dirt. Literally, come to think of it, considering these planets hadn't even been terraformed when he was born."

River hadn't quite thought of it that way, but it was true.

"And he's lived a long life of fame, if we are to believe him," Simon continued though it pained him to say some of these things out loud. "I'm sure he's had to deal with adoring fan girls in the past."

"I'm not some adoring fan girl!" River insisted.

"No, no," Simon said leaning back, fearing River's wrath. "But the reasoning and emotions driving them are the same… affliction you seem to be suffering from."

River looked over at her brother and suddenly realized he was right. This was not a comforting thought.

"If you'd like," Simon offered. "I could test to see how much your estrogen levels are fluctuating, as well as any other abnormally present hormones. I've probably got some drugs to help counter any imbalance."

River grumbled. "Lovely. I get horny and turn to my older brother for drugs."

Simon winced at the painful reminder but tried to cheer River up. "For what it's worth, that's a pretty normal response for a young woman."

"At least I can be cruel and not have to explain myself," River said looking on the bright side.

"That's the spirit," Simon agreed. "And definitely make Harry the target for those feelings. It might help fix some of those other broken feelings you're having."

River was pouting at the unfairness of everything.

"Let me draw some blood and run it through an analyzer. It'll give us an idea of where your development is hormonally and perhaps what to expect."

River finished setting up the autopilot and proximity sensors. She got up and followed Simon back to the infirmary. She rolled up her sleeve and was presenting her arm for Simon to draw blood from. "Somehow I think a cure for puberty is too much to hope for."

"Now that is an idea that would make me rich," Simon replied with a smile. "Not to mention the personal hero of every parent in the verse too." Simon found the vein easily and took a couple of milliliters. He started up his favorite new medical toy, a comprehensively exhaustive blood analyzer. "This is going to take a few minutes to run, but I've got a couple questions about your moods to ask."

"Oh joy," River sarcastically feigned enthusiasm.

"Right," Simon said ignoring her seemingly shorter than normal fuse. "Okay. How would you describe your attitude at present?" Simon saw River was going to be unhelpfully crude and immediately added, "Honesty, not sarcasm, please."

River huffed and settled on, "Irritable, touchy. Testy, you might say."

"Stop smiling," Simon ordered, lifting a warning finger at her but not looking up from his work. He was jotting notes down. "So you're easily annoyed. A significant amount of time around Harry would do that to most well-adjusted of us."

River found herself conflicted on whether to agree with that or to defend Harry. She settled on begrudgingly humoring Simon.

"Would you say you're… _irritated_ more often than not?"

River shook her head. "No, only when a situation warranting it arises. Of which there have been several in the past day."

Simon certainly couldn't argue with that. "And you've been feeling more sexual lately? More feminine perhaps?"

"Feeling sexual?" River clarified, puckering her lips out in thought. "Are you inquiring if I've been having more urges or desires than usual?"

Simon was looking a bit off-color but nodded. "That's one way to answer, sure."

"Well," River admitted. "To be honest before meeting Harry I'm not sure I ever felt _sexual_ at all."

Simon winced. "Because of the…"

"Yes," River admitted. "Because of the torrent of emotions, sounds, visuals, thoughts, and everything else that's been numbing my entire system and senses of perception."

"Did you really never feel any sort of desire or urge before?" Simon hesitantly asked.

River shook her head negatively and amended, "Feel them before? Of course, countless times. But I wasn't the one having the response or desire. It was someone else's feelings I was picking up on."

"Oh," Simon agreed and looked down to jot in his notes. "Does that mean…"

"Yes," River rolled her eyes. "You and Kaylee both."

"I'm sorry, _mei mei_," Simon whispered setting down his pen.

"Simon, you don't have to apologize," River replied, slightly irritated that it needed to be said again. "I owe you my life. Everyone knows that. We all know everything you've sacrificed to help me and that is a guilt I carry with great pride. No one could ever hope for a better brother than you."

Simon smiled at his sister having talked about this many times before, but still relishing in the knowledge that he was appreciated.

"And yes," River added. "Harry's helping me in ways no one else could, not even you. But in case you missed the memo, my burning loins are making it very clear that I _don't_ see Harry as a brother. So stop worrying he'll ever replace you."

Simon's smile faltered and he mumbled as he wrote, "Patient's mood frequently drifts into a dark place." He heard a warning growl and was grateful for the distraction when his analyzer let out a loud ding, indicating it had finished. Simon printed out the detailed reports and gave them a quick once-over. He saw River looking at him hopefully and moved towards the shelf where he kept some reference books.

"What?" River asked worriedly at Simon's delay. "What is it?"

Simon was focusing on his work and just answered, "I want to be sure first but…" He paused and kept reading. He glanced at the reports and then flipped forward a couple pages in the medical volume. He sagged as the tension left his body. "It is official, River."

"Oh no."

"You've got completely normal levels for a female in her early twenties," Simon explained unsure if this made him feel better or worse.

"Gorramit to high hell," River snapped. "I told Inara to stop doing that! And now look what she's done."

"Physiologically, you're past puberty. Your estrogen is right on the mark, your progesterone is right on the mark, and your testosterone is slightly elevated but well within standard deviations."

"Does that mean what I think it means?"

Simon nodded and grinned. "There's no good scientific reason you should be attracted to Harry."

River frowned as her brother's face seemed to split into a smile at that declaration. "Really? So choosing between the Captain, Jayne, Harry, and my brother as the four readily available males, you see no logic in an attraction to Harry?"

Simon shrugged. "It's possible that I'm biased, but no. I can see no logical reason anyone could be attracted to Harry. Ever."

River was ignoring her brother and had closed her eyes, hoping to avoid the coming headache.

"You may want to talk to Inara," Simon suggested. "She's probably more familiar with the sensual side of womanhood than my limited clinical experience."

River snickered. "Limited and clinical, eh?"

"Hey now," Simon jokingly defended himself.

"Sorry," River said, though she didn't particularly sound it. She mockingly added, "Thank you Simon, for conclusively providing me evidence of something I _really_ didn't want to know."

"But don't you see," Simon argued. "Now that you know, you can stop thinking of Harry that way."

"There you guys are," Kaylee cheerfully greeted as she spotted the two people in question. "Harry talked to Durran and needs all of us together." She saw their faces at her statement and asked, "Is everything alright?"

River nodded. "Simon's trying to explain to me how I can stop yearning for Harry's magic wand."

Simon feared the number of horrid puns and crass innuendo he was in store for.

"Why would you want to do that?" Kaylee asked curiously. "He's awful dreamy."

"Kaylee!" Simon exclaimed having his theory about attraction to Harry shattered so quickly.

"Oh right," Kaylee realized and ran over to kiss him soundly. "Of course sweetie, you know I could never find anyone attractive as long as you are alive, right?"

"Right," Simon agreed uncertainly.

* * *

Harry was finishing up his video conversation with the burly, unhappy man. 

"I said I'll do it, Harry. I know I owe you."

"I'd consider any and all debts settled and even owe you one for this, Monty," Harry explained. "I really appreciate it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Monty reluctantly agreed. "Next Saturday you said?"

"Yup. On Bellerophon," Harry answered. "You want us to swing by and pick you up, or you just want to meet us there?"

"I'll meet you there," Monty said. "Just wave me the details when you got them. Am I going to have to dress up for this?" Monty whined painfully.

Harry shook his head. "How many will be accompanying you?"

"Just me," Monty waved at Harry. "I like _my friends_ too much to make them go through something like this."

Harry nodded and was thinking deviously. "In that case, you mind if I swing you a date? It'll make a better impression and could be a lot of fun."

"Alright," Monty shrugged and agreed. "You know my stance on uggies and fat chicks."

Harry chuckled and snickered out the oft-repeated phrase, "With the lights off just make sure it's not Mom."

"That'll get a man through a war," Monty smiled. "I guess you can teach a new dog some old tricks. Adios Harry."

Harry tapped the communicator and hurried to the dining table where he expected the rest of the crew to be waiting for him.

"Sorry about that," Harry apologized seeing everyone, including a defeated and resigned looking River, was waiting on him. "Needed to talk to a friend first."

"So what's up?" Mal asked. "Durran's asking price too high?"

Harry grinned knowing Mal would probably say yes to that question. "I don't think it is, but to be honest, I'm in two minds about whether I even want the book."

"We're getting it," Zoe insisted firmly.

"That's the way I thought you'd feel," Harry answered. "So you can all pressure Mal into agreeing to Durran's asking price."

"We're not paying through the nose for this Harry," Mal answered. "If it's too high, we'll just steal it."

Harry smiled brightly. "Well, we are lucky enough that the price is not any money. It's merely your presence at a small, casual dinner party."

Mal looked at the others for a moment and saw the smile on Harry's face. He finally caught on. "Oh hell no! We're gonna steal it!"

"What?" Jayne asked. "Is he gonna arrange for feds to pinch us or something?"

"No! No! No!" Mal insisted in response to Harry's silent pouts.

"No feds, Jayne," Harry answered. "And in fact we're all invited. I had to call in a big favor but Monty's coming too."

"Monty?" Jayne asked as everyone else's eyes widened. "What's he got to do with…oh. Ohhh. Saffron?"

Harry nodded, enjoying the frustration on Mal's face.

"I thought she was in prison!" Mal asked. "What's she even doing out?"

Harry shrugged. "Don't ask me to explain him. Durran's a bit mental, but he got them to release her into his custody. She's confined to his place, through inhibitor bracelets and periodic check-ins, but… yeah."

"The woman who's tried to kill us and steal Serenity?" Inara asked worriedly.

"To be fair," Jayne added. "We did leave her in a dumpster in the middle of the desert."

"She's gotta be up to something," Kaylee asked. "She's always got an agenda."

Harry shook his head. "Durran seems to think this will help her move on, forcing her to address the woman she was… or some such rubbish."

"I don't buy it," Simon said shaking his head. "Mrs. Reynolds is too much trouble."

"Don't call her that," Mal snapped.

"She doesn't know about the dinner party, does she?" River stated more than asked, earning a nod from Harry.

Harry grinned. "There's a decent chance that we'll just get to surprise her with our presence. Doesn't that at least sound like some fun?"

Zoe admitted, "Yeah and it'll be nice to see Monty."

"I don't like this," Mal frowned.

Harry clapped his hands. "It's fine by me, but then no biography."

"We can still steal it," Mal whined.

"It's a dinner party, Captain," Kaylee pleaded. "We know what we're getting into, and we've got numbers on her."

"You think Monty would risk his beard around her lightly?" Jayne added.

"Famous last words," Mal tiredly relented and agreed. "_We know what we're getting into._ Kaylee, have you met Harry?"

Harry grinned at Mal's acceptance. "I wouldn't put us in any danger, Captain." Harry paused and added, "You know, not intentionally or anything." He gave it another thought and amended, "Well not too bad at least." Harry was enjoying the looks he was receiving and just shrugged, "Nothing I can't heal anyways." A moment of pause, "Mostly," and Harry dropped his voice to a whisper, "I hope."

* * *

The two ships rendezvoused just outside of the atmosphere near Bellerophon. Monty followed Serenity as she led him down towards the hangar on Durran Haymer's large floating island of an estate. 

The eight crew members of Serenity were on the ground and moving just as the other two guests were exiting their ship.

"Monty!" Mal greeted and shook his old friend's hand. "I think I could use a familiar face tonight rather than the rats and scallywags that came with me."

"Oh I suspect we'll get a familiar face," Monty agreed. "And then some. Did Harry manage to blackmail and guilt you into this one as well?"

"More like he mutinously turned my entire crew against me," Mal admitted.

Harry was just whistling innocently looking up towards the twilight sky.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Monty snickered. "Hey Harry, you don't go half-assed when you arrange for an escort, do you?"

"Harry playing matchmaker with you," Mal asked with a grin, "on a night like tonight?"

"Not exactly matchmaker," Harry shrugged. "No problems with you two, right?"

"She'd forgotten a shawl that she went back to get," Monty smiled and waggled his eyebrows. "Though how you tricked her into this I'd be most interested to hear."

"And just who is this mystery lady?" Mal asked curiously.

"Madame Jocelyn!" Inara exclaimed at the sight of the woman with the deep auburn hair and strongly controlled sense of elegance.

"Inara Serra," the stern refined beauty said as she descended the steps from Monty's ship. "It has been a very long time since I have seen you. You appear to be doing quite well for yourself."

"Thank you, Madame. Not since the Academy have our paths crossed, I believe," Inara admitted with a small nod of her head.

Harry saw the looks of confusion on several of his fellow crew member's faces. "Madame Jocelyn," Harry said attracting her attention. "Allow me to introduce the crew of Serenity. This is Jayne, Zoe, River, Simon, Kaylee, and Captain Malcolm Reynolds. I trust you know Inara and have already met Monty." Harry turned towards the others and did an extravagant wave of his hand, "This is Madame Jocelyn Scarborough of House Rosmerta."

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you," Jocelyn said inclining her head in greeting. "Even if it is at the cost of seeing Harry again."

Inara's face dropped in shock hearing her former instructor crack a joke.

"Jojo!" Harry gasped in mock despair. "You wound me."

Jocelyn's smile fell quickly from her face and she closed her eyes tiredly. "Why do you insist on calling me that ridiculous moniker?"

"Because secretly you like it, though you'll never admit it openly?" Harry guessed.

Jocelyn rolled her eyes and looked at the others, "Does Harry have a habit of blessing all of you with nicknames you'd rather never hear?"

Everyone else was shaking their heads and admitting variations of 'no' with the exception of the muffled yell of "Yes!" from Harry's pocket.

"Shush!" Harry scolded patting down his coat pocket. "I'll turn you off if I have to."

"Hmmph," Mr. Universe's voice replied from Harry's pocket before going silent.

"How lovely," Jocelyn agreed. "I'm in the same company as Harry's trench coat."

Harry just smiled and looked towards Jocelyn's unofficial date for the evening. "I hope Monty has been a perfect gentleman thus far."

"When am I anything but?" Monty replied with a touch of humor.

Jocelyn rolled her eyes. "Considering your request Harry, I was just happy Monty had pants on."

They were about to heads towards the house, when the host of the evening appeared. "Welcome, welcome friends and guests," Durran smiled. "I am Durran Haymer and I do appreciate you coming. Oh goodness, two Companions. I will admit to not expecting such beauty and grace to respond to… _Harry's_ invitation."

"Hi Durran," Harry greeted. "This is Inara, current resident of the fine vessel I've been calling my home lately and Madame Jocelyn of House Rosmerta."

Durran bowed formally to Jocelyn and kissed the back of her hand as custom dictated. "It is an honor, Madame."

"You have a beautiful home, Mr. Haymer," Jocelyn greeted. "Perhaps we may get a tour?"

"That sounds like an excellent idea," Durran agreed with a smile. He turned towards the slight frowns on the two Captains' faces. "I don't believe we've had the opportunity to be formally introduced. As you know I am Durran." He extended a hand towards Mal.

Mal was more than a little worried about what this night might entail, but he wasn't going to go out of his way to be rude. "Captain Malcolm Reynolds, call me Mal, please."

"It's nice to meet you on more friendly terms," Durran replied, trying to alleviate some of Mal's worries and fears. "And you must be Monty?"

"That's what they call me," Monty agreed shaking the man's hand.

Durran rushed his way through the rest of the introductions and began to lead them on a tour of the grounds. "You'll have to excuse my wife," Durran exclaimed. "She wanted to clean herself up a bit. I should warn you, she does not know the identity of our guests tonight, so I hope you can all be respectful when she discovers my ulterior motive for this evening."

"And just what is your motive for this evening?" Mal asked paying little attention to the gardens Durran was pointing out.

Durran paused in his walking and admitted, "Mel has been seeing a number of psychiatrists and on occasion genuinely acts as if she has only ever been an honest wife. I believe she is attempting to falsely give the impression that she suffers from multiple personality disorder. I know of the wrongs she has done to both of you gentlemen, and if your presence will help her open up and be more honest, I think it would do her and perhaps others a lot of good."

"Gentlemen," Monty repeated with a nudge of Mal. "That's us."

Durran added, "At some point, I would like her to apologize to you both as well, but I think hoping for that this evening would be too much."

Trying to avoid the elephant in the room, Durran continued the tour droning on about the grounds and recovered statues from the Earth-That-Was.

"Honey? Are you out here?" Mel's voice carried happily from down the path. She came out in a summer dress with flowers on it. "Sweetie? Are these our…" Mel's mouth dropped and just looked at Zoe, Jayne, Kaylee, Simon, and River smiling brightly. Jayne was waggling his eyebrows and not exactly maintaining eye contact.

Inara was looking angry and territorial with a wicked smile.

Mal's eyes were twinkling in amusement. "Yes Saffron?"

"Or is it Bridget?" Monty pondered lovingly stroking his beard.

Mel's fright turned into outright disgust at the sight of Harry who was just waving franticly with a smile. She completely missed sight of the woman behind Harry until she moved into view and sighed loudly.

Madame Jocelyn seemed almost sad to be saying, "Hello Melinda."

Mel's eyes widened and couldn't stop from squeaking, "Aunt Jo?"

"Excuse me?" Durran asked in shock.

"It's been a while," Madame Jocelyn admitted with an emotionless face.

"Huh," Mal said looking and seeing Monty was as surprised as he was.

Inara's eyes flashed and she insisted, "I _knew_ she had to have had training."

"Actually," Jocelyn corrected. "I haven't seen Melinda since she was thirteen."

"I wasn't aware you had any surviving family," Durran admitted looking at his wife in surprise.

Mel was just deeply breathing refusing to look anywhere other than Madame Jocelyn.

Jocelyn turned away to smile at Inara. "You were partially correct though, in that both my sister Melinda's mother, and myself had been teaching Melinda obedience, patience, and deception. She just disappeared on us before she would have joined the Academy."

"Really?" Durran said turning to his wife with a smile.

Mel was staying silent, hating being caged to this island.

"Did you not try to track your niece down?" Durran asked Madame Jocelyn.

Madame Jocelyn shook her head. "Considering she shot her father, they chose to neither chase after her nor turn her in. After all, they had to think about the wellbeing of their other two daughters."

"Sisters, eh?" Jayne asked with a smile. "Perhaps with fewer psychotic tendencies?"

"Shot her own dad," Mal repeated and turned to Durran. "Might want the psychiatrists to spend a session or two on that one."

Durran felt his wrist vibrating and turned off his watch's silent alarm noticing the time. He suggested, "Why don't we adjourn to the dining room? Alejandro's prepared a veritable feast. I hope you all brought your appetites." Durran stated and turned to lead the group inside.

"And I hope you came armed," Monty whispered towards Mal as he walked next to him.

The group settled in and their first course was served. Durran once again broached the conversation he was most curious about, "Madame Jocelyn?"

She took her eyes off her niece to give Durran an inquiring smile.

"I was under the impression that Mel was an only child? Of Karl and Brenda Reeves?"

"Reeves?" Jocelyn repeated. "I've never heard that name before. Melinda Scarborough Danielson though has two younger sisters."

"Mel?" Durran turned to, hoping for an explanation. "Are you just going to pout silently all night and not be any sort of host?"

Mel seemed content to do just that as she silently stirred her soup with a spoon.

"I think our lucky lady here took advantage of an unfortunate similarly named girl's death," Harry helpfully added.

"Yeah, it's unfortunate she killed her," Jayne mumbled louder than intended.

Mel harrumphed in indignation.

"Is this true?" Durran asked his wife.

"Durran sweetie," Mel plastered a fake smile across her face. "I've never killed anyone."

"You shot your dad," Monty reminded.

"But I didn't kill him," Mel argued.

"She was young," Jayne shrugged. "I bet her aim is a lot better now."

"No," Jocelyn added watching Mel's reaction. "She didn't miss. And she doesn't have any more siblings for that reason."

Harry, Simon, Monty, and Mal all cringed and found themselves wincing quietly. Jayne on the other hand blurted out, "_Wuh de tyen, ah_! That _gos se_ ain't right!" He had both hands clenched under the table.

"It was an accident," Mel said with an evil smile.

"Just like Melinda Reeves, right?" Monty added.

"And let's not forget Heinrich, the security programmer," Mal reminded earning a raised eyebrow from Durran.

"I'm impressed you remembered, Mal," Durran regarded. "That was over two and a half years ago."

"It's hard to forget the women that strip you naked and leave you in the desert to die," Mal grinned at the frustration and anger on Mel's face.

"At least I didn't lock you in a dumpster," Mel growled out.

Inara smiled happily. "Good times, good times."

"How's the salad dressing?" Mel asked innocently as Inara was taking a bite. "I made it myself."

Inara stopped immediately and slowly swallowed the bite in her mouth.

"Relax Inara," Jocelyn chided. "She didn't even know who her guests were when she made the dressing."

Mel frowned and snapped, "Maybe I was saving the antidote for the next course."

"That is enough," Durran interrupted. "You will not threaten the lives of our guests."

It pained Mel to say so, but she agreed, "I'm sorry, honey."

"And I would appreciate it," Durran turned to the others, "if you would cease continuously making up crimes to accuse my wife of."

"In fairness," Jayne offered. "She did already drug them once."

Durran turned back towards his wife in tired acceptance. "You drugged them?"

"No, not _them_," Mel defended. "Just Mal."

Inara seemed to pale and look towards the others in fear.

Mal glanced over at Mel and remarked, "I seem to remember Inara falling victim the same way I did."

"No I didn't," Mel insisted. "And I had to throw myself at you to even get the kiss. Are you sure you're not gay?"

Monty looked at Mal oddly. "You were married to her and still didn't take the honeymoon punishment you'd earned? That… that makes a man wonder, Mal."

"No, I'm not," Mal frustratedly assured Monty and turned to Inara. "Am I not remembering this correctly?"

Inara's face was burning as she hid behind her hands. "Harry," she whispered. "Stun me!"

"No!" Harry whispered back.

"I said stun me!"

"Inara?" Mal asked.

"Oh," Mel cackled in glee. "Oh this is too good."

"What am I missing?"

Harry snickered, "I'm not sure there are enough courses remaining to cover that one."

"Captain Reynolds," Jocelyn offered. "Let's move on to another topic of conversation, if you don't mind."

Inara looked over at Madame Jocelyn as her own personal savior.

Jocelyn winked deviously at her, before leaning over towards Mal. "I'll tell you everything later."

Inara groaned and dropped her face back into her hands.

"It appears the estimable Companion," Mel relished in revealing, "took advantage of an unconscious man. Well, almost a man though that it is suspect."

"She didn't trick you?" Mal asked Inara not quite comprehending what he'd missed.

"I said I would explain later," Madame Jocelyn ordered making it clear she wanted him to drop the subject.

"But… I mean…" Mal whined.

Jocelyn hurried over and whispered into Mal's ear.

Mal's eyes widened comically and stared at Inara. "You lying little floozy!"

"Alright! That's it!" Jocelyn snapped and grabbed hold of Mal's ear. She dragged him out the dining room viciously tugging his ear, ignoring his screams of pain and indignation.

"Well that was amusing," Zoe grinned and nudged Inara.

"It is fun to see Madame Jocelyn in action," Harry chirped in making Inara smile.

Zoe gave Inara a moment and added, "Not to mention finding out you stole a kiss when no one was looking." Zoe took a bite and smiled. "And got busted."

"_Tzao gao_," Inara groaned.

"Harry," River leaned over and whispered. "I think you should go."

"Err… what?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," River admitted. "But it's like I'm reading someone even though I know I'm not. And it's telling me you should go."

"Right now?"

River shrugged. "You'll know what I mean… I guess."

Harry looked at River skeptically, "Thanks, I suppose. Excuse me, Durran." Harry said getting up. "I need to use the little boys' room."

"You know where it is," Durran waved Harry on, finishing off the last of his dinner.

River just watched Harry go and leaned over towards Kaylee whispering, "I think I just gave Harry warning of a future event."

"Really?" Kaylee asked in excitement.

"Yeah," River answered. "But he thought I was sending him to the bathroom."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I can tell that's not what I meant."

"Hmm," Kaylee considered. "Could be a fun thing to toy with him about though."

River sat up considering all the mysterious visions she could manufacture. "Good point."

Madame Jocelyn came back into the dining area leading a very ashamed looking Mal. Jocelyn looked over at the Captain and waited.

Mal lifted his head up and looked at Inara. "Inara, I apologize. I was rude. And I was wrong. Durran, I'm sorry for making a scene interrupting our lovely dinner." Mal paused and turned towards Madame Jocelyn. "And Jojo, I'm sorry you're such a controlling bitch." Mal hurriedly sat back down, refusing to look at the senior Companion.

Madame Jocelyn was frowning harshly before her face twisted into a mischievous smile. "I can see why you like this one, Inara."

Inara groaned once more, wondering how she became the target of everyone's laughter and not the vindictive evil woman who'd taken advantage of nearly everyone else in the room.

Jocelyn saw the others were nearly finished with their meals and politely took a few more bites before pushing her plate away. "You may find this interesting," Jocelyn explained cracking a small smile Mel's way. "But Melinda had some friends growing up. None that she kept in touch with, as far as I know. Though Saffron was one of her best friends. I believe her tenth birthday party also included her friends Yolanda, Bridget, Evangeline, Skye, and Pansy."

"Evangeline, Skye, and Pansy," Durran repeated before turning to his wife. "Should I alert the feds?"

Mel pouted. "I never used Pansy." She paused and corrected, "Yet."

Harry returned from the restroom looking a little bewildered.

Mal took the opportunity of the brief silence and said, "I want to thank you for a lovely dinner, Durran. But we should probably be calling it an evening pretty soon here."

Durran nodded at Mal and agreed. "I understand Mal. Let me just borrow Harry for a brief moment of business before we say our goodbyes."

Mal nodded and turned to Inara. "Am I going to need to lock my bunk at night?"

Harry saw Inara drop her head again, this time banging it harder than she'd planned on the table. He winced as he got up and followed Durran into his den.

Durran closed the door behind him. "I must thank you Harry. I had no idea Mel had any family left. I am quite grateful for all that I've learned and all that has been accomplished this evening. Your book I put in my safe, but you can check that cart to see if there are any others that catch your eye."

Harry bent down and was examining all the decaying, dusty tomes. He glanced over the titles and saw nothing jumping out at him. He then closed his eyes and focused on the shelf in front of him. With an exhale, Harry announced, "Nope. Don't need any of these. But thanks Durran."

"No problem," Durran said presenting Harry with the copy of _A Biography of Harry Potter_. He looked down at it and back up at Harry. "Hey, this man's eyes look just like yours."

"Why Durran," Harry grinned and tried to deflect the conversation. "I had no idea you'd noticed." Harry blinked his eyes rapidly, giving the impression he was fluttering his eyelashes. When Durran rolled his eyes, Harry cracked open the book reverently and saw a single word that made his breath catch. He brushed his fingers over it, losing himself momentarily in a memory.

"Right," Durran said gaining Harry's attention. "Anyways, I thought you might like to know." Durran paused and leaned forward to whisper. "If all goes well, I may be coming into a lot more artifacts from Earth-That-Was soon."

"Really?" Harry asked intrigued. "How's that?"

Durran grinned proudly. "I've already arranged and setup licensing rights to the first primary excavation project."

"Excavation," Harry asked. "Excavating where?"

"Why on Earth-That-Was, of course," Durran smiled victoriously.

Harry's eyes widened and he snapped his head towards Durran. "Explain."

"This is all secret. You didn't hear it from me," Durran began.

"Yes, yes. Go on," Harry urged.

"You know that hyperdrive system I've been assisting on?" Durran reminded. "Well, it works. We've done some limited testing in small controlled areas. In just over a week, they're going to take their maiden voyage and first long range test of the engine."

"Yeah," Harry asked eagerly, highly intrigued about the sound of this.

"They're flying to Earth-That-Was and back again," Durran explained. "Not only is this the first real field test, but it's also the first manned mission back to the original planet."

"Is that so?" Harry asked innocently, all the while plans were formulating in his head.

"We've always had long range sensors and stayed aware of the current conditions on the planet. They are way beyond uninhabitable. And before the hyperdrive, a round trip to the planet is still roughly a forty year mission. For a planet that's a scorching, lifeless wasteland of high pressure, it's never really been seriously considered. With the hyperdrive now it's six weeks."

"Six weeks? To get to Earth-That-Was?" Harry asked impressed. "That's all?"

Durran shook his head and smiled. "It's three weeks Harry. Six for the round trip. If it all goes well, within a year who knows what my teams may have discovered."

"That is… fantastic news, Durran," Harry admitted with a smile and a scheming twinkle in his eye. "Fantastic news indeed."


	21. CHAPTER TWENTY: A Ghost of a Friendship

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER TWENTY – A Ghost of a Friendship  
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"Harry?" Mal asked once they were all back on Serenity. "Mind telling us why you were so antsy to leave?"

Harry was bouncing in excitement. "What makes you think that?"

Jayne grinned and explained, "You kissed _Monty_ goodbye, and slapped Madame Jocelyn on the back hard enough to knock her down."

"Oops," Harry muttered before replying in a louder voice, "Maybe that's just how we like to say goodbye."

"You called them by the wrong names and were already back onboard before Jocelyn even got to her feet," Zoe said with a smile.

"Alright, alright," Harry admitted. "But I want you all to hear this, so no slinking away in embarrassment, Inara."

The Companion in question was caught when she was just a couple feet from the door. She blushed once more when everyone turned to her. She muttered to herself, "Can't this day just end?"

"Oh come on, Inara," Harry chided her. "It could be a lot worse, you know."

Inara almost didn't want to know but asked, "How?"

Harry shrugged and said, "You could be going through puberty."

"Hey," River whined. "Cheap shot."

Harry nodded and agreed it was, but was pleased to see it had brought a smile back to Inara's face. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll make this quick. There is a secret project the Alliance has been working on and they've made a massive breakthrough. It's called a hyperdrive."

Harry took a breath and again began speaking faster than was probably understandable. "Hyperdrive is just a new sort of engine thingie, or maybe it's a new energy source, or something like that. I don't really know. The point is that it makes travel_ a lot_ faster. And I do mean a lot."

"How fast?" Kaylee asked intrigued.

"As it is now," Harry answered. "At top speed a trip to Earth would still take a couple decades. But with hyperdrive, they can make the trip in three weeks. So what is that? Three hundred times faster or so?"

Mal raised an eyebrow. "That sounds mighty impressive, but I don't see what's got your panties in a bunch."

Harry took a deep breath and explained, "They're going to do their first significant field test on the technology in just over a week. The field test is… a round trip to Earth-That-Was." Harry saw a lot of expectant faces staring blankly at him, other than River's pleased smile. "I want to go."

Mal looked at the others and stated, "I'm not so sure the Alliance will just let you hitch a ride on their latest secret project."

Harry shook his head. "Probably not intentionally, but you misunderstand me. I want to hijack the field test."

Mal's eyes widened while Simon seemed to be almost impressed. Simon nodded in awe. "You really can get worse."

Jayne seemed to be almost as excited as Harry. "I want to too!"

"No!" Mal snapped. "We're not going to hijack a secret government project. I've had enough adventures. I just want a nice quiet flight. Maybe pick up a job here and there. But no more attracting fed attention. No!"

River calmly added, "I'll help you."

Harry flashed her a happy thumbs-up.

"No River," Simon said to his sister. "I… I… I forbid it. You can't go."

"I never said I was going to go," River rolled her eyes. "I mean I'd like to, but we don't know how big this ship is or how much space is on it."

"I can go, can't I, Harry?" Jayne asked.

Harry smiled assuredly. "If there's room, then everyone can go."

"We're not going," Mal insisted.

"When will we find out if there's room?" Zoe asked ignoring Mal's hurt look.

Harry shrugged. "I've told you just about all the details I know so far. Frank?"

"Yeah, I'm looking," Mr. Universe called back. "But this isn't just a secret sort of project. This thing's completely off the books. I think I may have a paper trail, but I'll let you know."

"Thanks," Harry replied towards the communicator in his hand. "So hopefully some more details soon."

"Why do you even want to go?" Simon asked. "There won't be anything there."

"How would you know that?" Harry asked. "As I understand, there has yet to even be a manned mission back to Earth-That-Was."

Simon rolled his eyes. "We still know what's going on there. It's been over 650 degrees for a century now. The pressure on the surface is about a hundred times what it used to be. There's no way there's any sort of useful life surviving in those conditions."

Harry frowned. "Are you sure?"

Simon nodded. "There have been hundreds of deep space probes monitoring the progress. That planet is our civilization's history."

"How'd that all happen anyway?" Harry asked, having heard these bits but not really spent a lot of time wondering about the planet beyond his reach.

"Runaway Greenhouse Effect," River explained. "Too many thermonuclear detonations raising the temperature, melted the ice around the poles, and it just kept rising. A couple decades after the planet was abandoned, the oceans began to boil. It kept thickening the atmosphere, trapping more of the sun's rays in, which in turn just sent the temperature going and going. All the water on the surface evaporated and it kept going until even the mineral deposits sublimated drawing even more carbon dioxide out of the rocks until it was all in the atmosphere." River shrugged sadly. "It stabilized around 670 degrees Kelvin, 400 degrees Celsius."

Harry seemed to be thinking about it. "This is all based off instruments sent towards the planet though, right? No one's ever actually been there?"

Simon frowned and added. "These points aren't really even contended. This is what every scientist accepts as fact from all of the known evidence."

"These are the same scientists who will insist magic isn't real?" Harry argued.

Simon rolled his eyes. "You honestly think wizards and witches could exist there and be tricking every probe sent in their direction?"

Harry inwardly doubted it but held out hope. "You'd be amazed what can be done with magic."

"You think the wizarding world still exists on Earth-That-Was?" Zoe clarified.

Harry sighed sadly. "I've got to hope for something at this point." He sat there silently and saw no one else seemed to be thinking particularly positively.

Jayne suggested. "Even if it's just hot rock, it'd still be cool to see. And you might find a clue or something. It's not like our ancestors were able to bring _everything_ with them."

"Good point, Jayne," Harry admitted. "And I know I'm going."

Mal saw how quickly Harry went from elation to depression. He reluctantly said, "I wish you luck Harry, but I'll have no part of this. I get enough trouble as it is. I'm not going out of my way for more."

"Captain," Zoe responded. "I wish you'd reconsider."

Mal turned to his first mate disappointed in her. "You know this is a fool's errand, Zoe. Nothing good can come of hijacking a ship that's probably not even safe in the first place. It's a _field test_ of a brand spanking new technology."

Zoe said nothing, just continued to eye Mal speculatively.

"I hope it works out for you Harry," Mal argued. "I really do. But there's way too many things just itching to go wrong here. I understand you want to know what happened to the wizards and witches, but this is a bad idea."

Inara was a bit divided at the moment and asked, "And what would you suggest? That Harry give up his search for answers and just accept that he's the last wizard?"

"No," Mal replied. "I think Harry should definitely keep looking for answers if that's what he wants to do. But it sounds like this is a new technology. You gotta figure they're gonna be testing it for a while, but that it'll become public knowledge soon. With a whole fleet of hyperdrive ships once the things are safe. Maybe he can buy his own ship once the tech is stable, you know? He's been looking for a couple years now. What's waiting a little longer for a few of the unnecessarily risky unknowns to work themselves out?"

"Good point," Simon agreed and nodded towards his sister.

Harry shrugged. "It might not seem like much to you, but I am going to go. I can state that with certainty. I'd like it for you all to come with me, but I can see why you might not want to."

"What makes you so certain about this?" Mal asked curiously. "Why's your mind already dead set on going?"

Harry smiled a little and pointed at River. "She told me too."

"River!" Simon whined. "Why did you… wait, when did you tell him to go?"

"Your warning thing?" Kaylee asked River in surprise. "When he went to the bathroom?"

River nodded with a grin. "I got a feeling that he should."

"And just what did the bathroom tell you?" Simon asked Harry skeptically.

"Nothing," Harry said shaking his head. "River told me she thought I should go. I thought she meant to the bathroom. I did my business and found nothing curious in there. To be on the safe side, I did steal these nice little topless soap mermaids." Harry pulled out the decorative soap sculptures from his pocket and tossed them on the table.

"Nice!" Jayne said checking her out. "Sexy."

"They got fish bottoms," Kaylee said looking at Jayne oddly.

"So?" Jayne said. "Still hot."

"Anyways," Harry said. "It wasn't until Durran told me about the hyperdrive field test that I fully realized what River was telling me when she said that I should go."

"And River's little psychic power is enough for you?" Mal asked curiously.

Harry nodded with a smile. "Don't you see? That's exactly it. This is the first time _magic_ has been trying to get me to do anything. Some people think magic is alive, and while I'm not so sure of that, I do believe it has a mind of its own. And this is the first time it's been pushing me in any direction since I woke."

Harry saw he'd convinced a few people and grinned. "That's why I'm going to do everything I can to get on that ship. And there's not a power in this verse that's going to stop me."

"I'm in," Jayne said. "Sorry Mal."

"Me too," Zoe agreed watching the Captain.

River shrugged. "I already said I'd help."

"Within reason," Kaylee grinned. "You can count on me."

Inara smiled and nodded. "I suspect I'll help you as well, but why don't we wait and see what more we can discover before we run off on our _fool's errand_. Doesn't that seem fair, Mal?"

Mal saw the only company he'd keep on this was going to be Simon, and that'd only last until he realized there was no convincing River. "Yeah, let's find out more first. But before our friendly neighborhood wizard distracts us too much, ain't there a biography to start passing around?"

"Oh right!" Harry said slapping his forehead having completely forgotten about it. He reached into an inside fold in his coat and pulled out the small book. He sat it down on the table, oblivious to the effect the picture on the cover was having on the others.

Zoe finally broke the silence and said, "Umm Harry? Are you sure this one's about you?"

"Yeah," Harry assured her noticing the myriad of confused looks he was the on the receiving end of. He suddenly realized the problem and admitted. "Bugger. Forgot about that."

"Forgot you look younger than you did a few centuries ago?" River asked curiously.

Harry winced a bit and admitted. "Alright, I'm going to drop my glamour for you here, so don't freak out." Harry pulled out one of his wands and tapped two spots under his chin. There was a hazy wave of magic blurring out of focus and dissolving to reveal an older more distinguished looking Harry. His brown hair darkened into an inky black, intermixed with a healthy amount of grey. Crow's feet and forehead wrinkles appeared before there eyes and they all suddenly realized Harry definitely was the oldest member of the crew.

"_Way_!" Jayne grinned. "You're old!"

"Any particular reason you've been hiding your appearance from us?" Mal asked irritated.

Harry shook his head. "Not from you. It just never came up. The problem was that two years ago the Alliance woke me up-"

"They did what?" Inara asked.

"They woke me," Harry explained. "Aww crud… this is just going to sound more like I was hiding stuff. Two years ago, they woke me up, not particularly believing that magic was real."

"So why did they wake you?" Simon asked worriedly.

Harry winced and admitted. "They woke me because one of their best operatives failed to capture River Tam. That's when I saw the Blue Ops file on you," Harry admitted to River. "Apparently with the secret of Miranda out, River became less of a security risk and more just an embarrassment. An operative failed so they wanted alternatives that cost them nothing. Anyways, it didn't take me long to see they wanted me to be some sort of government lackey lapdog thing. I was a bit groggy, but I escaped, _obliviated_ their memories, and grabbed a hold of Frank on my way out.

"Considering I was wandless and exhausted I knew the memory charms wouldn't hold forever," Harry admitted. "So if anyone who knows of my existence goes public about it, I can track them down and _obliviate_ them properly. But to be honest, I'm surprised more hasn't come out about it. I'm not sure if all the memory charms have held, or if some have held, or what. But that's why occasionally there would be bulletins looking for the old man Harry Potter." Harry waved the wand, reapplying his glamour back into place. "And no one would ever think to connect someone this approximate age going by the name of Harry, with the occasionally wanted older man _Harry Potter_."

"So you are an Alliance secret agent after all?" Mal clarified. "Just not a loyal one."

Harry frowned and shook his head. "Not really. I'm more the genie they let out of the bottle who's just never played by their rules."

River smiled mischievously. "So you owe your current existence… to little old me?"

"Something like that," Harry agreed, "Yeah."

River reached out and grabbed the biography. She opened it to a random page and the middle and frowned. "What language is this in?"

Simon looked over his sister's shoulder. "It's not Latin."

"Oh sorry," Harry admitted. "Hand it here. It's in English. Just the spells to keep muggles from reading it have degraded. Probably weren't as strong in the first place."

Harry took the book and saw it looked like perfectly normal English to him. He sat there trying to think of the counter to muggle aversion and confundus charms. After a moment he realized he was over-thinking the situation and merely covered the book with a standard translation charm. In this case, it was from English to English. Harry handed it towards River. "Now what do you see?"

River read aloud. "_In 1998, over forty percent of the boys born were named Harry or some derivation of it. An unfortunate seventeen percent of the girls born were also cursed with this ridiculous fate._"

"You can read it," Harry admitted with a roll of his eyes. "That's all I needed."

River handed the book back to her overeager brother. Simon turned towards the front of the book and noticed a scribble right on the first page. "Someone wrote in this."

"What'd they write?" Harry inquired.

"_Anonymous_," Simon replied deciphering the loopy chicken scratches.

Harry whipped his hand out and begged, "Please be very careful with that."

"What is it?" Jayne asked confused.

Harry smiled wistfully. "The author autographed this copy."

Simon closed the book and saw the cover gave clear credit to the author 'Anonymous.' "The anonymous author signed the book _Anonymous_?"

Harry grinned and rolled his eyes. "The anonymity of the author was never a very well kept secret. Especially with chapter eleven."

Simon flipped to the table of contents and read, "_Chapter Eleven: Why I married Harry_." Simon stopped and looked up, "You honestly mean…"

Harry just nodded his head silently.

Zoe's eyes were wide and she continued. "And so that scribble in the front is…"

Harry nodded again and smiled up at her. "So please be careful with it. That's also why this is the most accurate of all the unauthorized biographies."

"You didn't give her permission?" Inara asked.

Harry shook his head. "She never asked. It was a birthday present for when I turned 101. A rebuttal of sorts towards all the inaccurate biographies." Harry grumbled, "Though I'm not entirely sure I would have given her permission even if she did ask."

"Your wife," Simon clarified, "wrote an unauthorized biography of you, without checking with you first, and then signed copies of it with the pen name _Anonymous_?"

"I went with her to most of her public book signings," Harry replied. "Though I was incognito and pretended to be her bodyguard."

River smiled weakly and added, "You _were_ her bodyguard."

"True," Harry agreed. "So just… try not to damage the book, please." Harry turned towards Mal and stated, "With your permission Captain, I'm going to direct us towards the core. It's only a day or so from here, and if this is where we part ways, that's where I want to be dropped off."

"Understood, Harry," Mal replied, holding back his comments about what a bad idea this was.

"River," Harry stated. "You up for some brain work? We gotta make sure your shields aren't going anywhere."

River nodded and was headed off towards the bridge right behind Harry.

Harry took off at a comfortable speed heading towards the heart of Londonium. With the autopilot engaged and proximity sensors set to alert, he turned to River. "Time to take advantage of this crush of yours."

River's eyes lit up hungrily. "Really?"

"Whoa!" Harry gulped. "Down girl. Not like that."

River blushed and looked away realizing how that must have appeared.

"No no," Harry assured her. "This little hunk of hormones in you is going to be very good for us."

River was still avoiding Harry's eyes and asked, "How's that?"

"Well, with my magic," Harry explained. "And your lack of it, I'm not sure you'll ever be able to completely lock me out of your head. But the next step for you is to learn how to prevent me from learning something specific."

"Okay," River replied understanding Harry so far.

Harry grinned. "And I'm going to assume you'll be especially protective of all your lurid fantasies of me naked."

River looked up making eye contact, and Harry subtly pulled a few images to the forefront of her mind. River snapped her head away breaking the connection.

"Wow," Harry admitted. "That's a… interesting imagination you've got there. I hope that one was at least a custard-filled?"

River's blush was back in full force and she wasn't opening her eyes.

"But that's exactly what we're going to be working on," Harry assured her before stopping to rephrase. "Hold up. Let me clarify that. Preventing me from seeing images, thoughts, and memories like that one is exactly what we're going to be working on."

River pouted but was keeping her eyes closed. "That's so completely unfair."

Harry thought about it and explained, "Maybe, but to be honest, I was worried after having seen most of your extreme memories. I feared you wouldn't have anything you wished to hide from me. Your raging libido has seen to it that this won't be a problem."

River frowned and looked up. "It has less to do with you, you… you egotistical buttmonkey. And more to do with the fact that Mal's hung up on Inara, Jayne's disgusting, and Simon is my brother."

Harry grinned and brought up an image of Simon sweaty and shirtless.

"_Aiee_," River shrieked and pushed away Harry's mental probe.

Harry sat back at the ejection and nodded. "Nice block."

River frowned and was looking left and right. "How come I didn't push you across the hall there?"

Harry shook his head. "There's a big difference between a mental probe, or opening a link, and actually projecting my mind and consciousness into yours. A small probe is more like tossing rocks in the pond whereas before when I'd join your mind, I was swimming to the bottom."

Harry caught her eye and brought up an image of himself in only a swimsuit. He was sitting on the end of a small dock, with his feet dangling into the water.

River once again had to close her eyes because she was blushing.

"And as you can see," Harry explained with a grin. "Even when you're only picturing the analogy of the pond I mentioned, I can still exert an influence on your train of thought."

River sighed, feeling slightly more scared than she had when she was being forced to face the demons of her past. This was going to be a trying session.

Harry's voice carried a highly amused tone. "And for the record, I absolutely refuse to ever wear a speedo."

* * *

"Kaylee," Simon said attracting his girlfriend's attention. He was reading from the biography. "Listen to this: _Most people will remember that Halloween 1997, in his seventh year, Harry Potter, along with Colin and Dennis Creevey were kidnapped via portkey straight from Hogwarts own vaunted protections. The mutilated and broken bodies of the two muggleborn Creevey brothers were discovered in Hogsmeade shortly after midnight. Rumors and speculation ran rampant, most assuming Harry to be dead or worse until his startling appearance December first. _

"_Harry was held captive for over a month enduring countless tortures both psychological and physical. What many people gloss over is the support he had, giving him the strength to survive. The ghosts of Colin and Dennis both stayed with Harry, spying on the Death Eaters and planning out his escape route. They encouraged him to hold on when he wanted to give in and gave Harry the ability to laugh in the face of unending pain. The knowledge they gave him and the distraction they caused made all the difference in the world for Harry. _

"_When Harry had escaped, there was nothing holding the Creeveys' spirits back and they moved on to the next world, thus ending their brief existence as ghosts. Harry relayed the young men's final wishes and words to their parents and successfully lobbied for both of the young Gryffindors to receive Order of Merlin awards posthumously. Notably it was one of the first times it was awarded for acts actually done posthumously. _

"_December first, Harry Potter appeared in the midst of dinner in the Great Hall. Harry maintains that he did not apparate, he merely was gifted sanctuary by Hogwarts herself. He was half-naked, exhausted, and bleeding profusely from dozens of minor lacerations. His right arm most remember had been shoved down the throat of the Dark Lord Voldemort's familiar Nagini. Part of Voldemort and his Death Eaters' torture was for Nagini to bite and poison Harry, ensuring dementia and pain but never enough to risk his death. Harry understood the fundamental rules of casting magic through a focus, and knew of a number of permanent magical alterations done to Nagini's soul. As such, when Nagini approached him on the evening of the first, Harry forced his entire arm up to the elbow down her open mouth. He broke her jaw, and swung her around wildly as both a weapon and a focus for the magic he had been saving up. _

"_Needless to say, yet another disquieting and unpleasant battle ensued. Several Death Eaters were killed as a result of both Harry and Voldemort's actions, most notably Bellatrix Lestrange, the murderer of Harry's godfather. Harry's final act with the flailing massive magical snake was to manipulate and redirect a Dark switching spell cast at him by Voldemort. This was how Harry managed to appear with only half of the dying snake and the severed left arm of Voldemort. As Harry later explained, it was during his time held captive that he finally crossed one of the hurdles hindering his progress. It was his first step towards becoming a Master of magic, as he no longer _used_ magic but _commanded_ it. While most wizards and witches are trained in how to use or adapt to magic, Harry can order it, control it, manipulate it, and bend its very essence to his will. _

"_When he returned to Hogwarts immediately following his escape, I saw the look in his eyes. I could tell a part of Harry Potter had died in that month. A piece of his innocence, his childhood, and his naivety was gone. It saddened me greatly, but he did come back with a burning focus and fierce determination to do those things he hated the most but knew had to be done. Anyone who saw that look in his eyes when he arrived at dinner, even the ones vomiting uncontrollably at the snake and Dark Lord bits landing in their potato soup, at that point suddenly realized Voldemort's days were numbered. _

"_Harry remained in close contact with the parents of Colin and Dennis Creevey until they both passed away in 2031._" Simon let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. "Next is _Chapter Five: The Fall of the Dark Lord Voldemort_."

"He was tortured for a month!" Kaylee exclaimed through watery eyes. "That's awful."

Simon nodded weakly. "When he was seventeen too. That's the same age as River when I broke her out." Simon paused remembering how horrified he was when he'd finally seen what state his baby sister had been in. She was just a child, and here Harry was supposed to be the unofficial leader of his people too? The whole situation seemed even more foreign to Simon than the idea of magic.

"Hmm," Simon pondered aloud. "Ghosts are apparently real. So where are all of them? Maybe if we can find a ghost, they could tell us where the other wizards and witches have gone."

"That's a good idea," Kaylee agreed. She saw Simon was looking a bit introspective and decided to voice her thoughts. "It's just so weird… to read this. To hear about _Harry Potter_, you know? And then to try and think _this_ is Harry, the same Harry who creates strawberries to impress us." She paused a moment and added, "And shut your sister up by kissing her before he'd even met her."

Simon frowned in remembrance. "I'd forgotten about that. Probably bewitched her from the start." Simon paused and looked over at Kaylee. "You know that might have been River's first kiss."

Kaylee shook her head. "That didn't count as a _kiss_ kiss. If you'll remember she was screaming loud enough to break glass. He just had a unique way of defusing her."

"I don't remember from before she got accepted… into the program," Simon stumbled and asked. "Do you know if she's ever had a proper first kiss?"

Kaylee smirked. "As a matter of fact I do know whether she ever has."

Simon stopped at Kaylee's scheming smile. "And? Has she?"

"I'm not supposed to just tell you something like that," Kaylee grinned.

Simon prepared and defended himself, "As her older brother, and for a while primary caregiver, I have a right to know. Not to mention that as your boyfriend of two years, we shouldn't be keeping any secrets from each other."

Kaylee rolled her eyes. "Okay, those are _fei-oo_ reasons. You really need to try harder than that. You're just lucky I like to gossip."

Simon blinked but nodded.

"Back when she was in Gen Ed," Kaylee whispered leaning forward. "She said one of her friends was this boy named Kevin. She told me that one time he was acting all weird and just stared at her. He put his hands on her face to lean in and kiss her _right_ when you walked in the door ruining the moment. She said Kevin acted like it never happened after that."

Simon frowned in confusion. "How old was she?"

Kaylee thought about it. "I think it was right before she went away, so probably about eleven? Twelve maybe? But she said that's the closest she ever got to a kiss."

Simon was furrowing his brow trying to remember any time River was alone with a boy. "What was Kevin's last name?"

"Hendrickson? Henderson, maybe?" Kaylee recollected. "I think Hendrickson."

Simon on the other hand paled and sat back. "Kevin Hendrickson. He lived down the street from us."

"That's him," Kaylee said.

Simon quietly contemplated what this might mean. Or if it was even worth further inquiry. He looked up at the ashamed grin that Kaylee always wore when she partook in gossip. He thought about not saying anything but decided against it. "Kevin Hendrickson died when River was four."

Kaylee's face twisted into one of shock. "Are you sure? Could there have been another?"

Simon shook his head. "I doubt it. Kevin jumped off his roof one afternoon in the summer. I was playing with River in our living room. Suddenly she just stood up in surprise. I didn't know what it was, but within a few minutes the sirens came and the neighbors were all filing out of their homes. Word spread pretty quickly then. Neither of us was very close with Kevin. He was older than us, but we'd talked a couple of times. I remember she just frowned when she heard and asked me to come back inside and return to our board game."

Kaylee looked almost fearful hearing about the long since past event. She was wondering why River would say these things and whether they really could have happened in some way or another. "What do you think it means?"

Simon shrugged and turned back to his girlfriend. "It could be proof that River was already reading and had an almost superhuman brain before the Alliance got a hold of her. Or it could just be a traumatic event that a four year old girl was repressing." Simon sighed and smiled at Kaylee. "But mainly I think it means there's nothing to be gained by confronting her about it."

Kaylee nodded silently, before perking up with a smile. "Or," she suggested. "Or it means you should ask Harry if _he_ wants to confront her about it, or whether it's a good idea."

"No," Simon argued immediately. "That couldn't possibly be what it means."

"Simon," Kaylee said patronizingly. "You know as well as I that Harry is great for River. I'm not saying that they should be dating, I mean he is… _really_ old. Only that he cares for her, and like you, he takes good care of her."

Simon grumbled.

"Think of him as Dr. Harry, her magical psychiatrist," Kaylee explained happily. "The work he's done with her has made her into more of a person than any of us have ever seen her be. And this could be right up his alley for improved mental training, or something to avoid bringing up."

Simon wanted to kick something right now, but didn't want to hurt his foot. He finally relented by asking of no one, "Why can't he be more of a _hwin dan_!"

Kaylee quickly placated her boyfriend by copying Harry's style in defusing a situation and kissed him senseless.

* * *

Simon worked up the nerve and went towards the bridge to talk to Harry. He started having strong second thoughts when he overheard the conversation already going on between Harry and his sister. 

"You do know that no man's bum is _that_ hairless, right?" Harry explained honestly. "Not naturally occurring at least."

River was silently wondering if this situation could possibly be more embarrassing. Her unasked question was answered.

Simon stuck his head in the doorway and asked, "Have I come at a bum time?" Simon heard himself speaking and immediately yelled, "Bad time! I said bad time."

"Hello Simon," Harry grinned. "And this is a fine time. I think we're at a good stopping point anyway for you to _rear_ your ugly head. So, River, I guess this is _the end_ of training for today." Harry was beginning to really enjoy teasing and torturing the young Miss Tam, perhaps a little too much. He briefly wondered if he should double check himself for dark magic addiction. He got up to give the easily embarrassed siblings their privacy. "I'll leave you two alone."

Simon was struggling but asked, "Actually, Harry, I came to talk to you." Simon glanced over at his sister who seemed to be completely over her discomfort already. He recalled Harry mentioning controlling her emotions would be one of the effects of what she was learning. "Alone," he added to his sister's curiosity.

Harry looked at River and nodded. "Alright." River stood up to leave when Harry quickly warned her, "I'm going to go after what you thought when you saw the real me next. And I'm not telling when. So work on concealing that, and be prepared for a sudden attack."

River acted completely nonchalant, hoping her gulp wasn't audible as she nodded and left the bridge.

Harry waved Simon towards the empty seat. "What can I do for you, Dr. Tam?"

"How's she doing?" Simon asked, easing his way into the conversation.

Harry smiled. "I'm not going to violate any of your sister's confidences or privacies. But she's doing great. Her shield is strong. She knows how to strengthen it when it weakens. So far she's only raised it instinctually, but that instinct seems to be working."

Simon just nodded, not really understanding exactly what Harry was saying.

"To be honest," Harry admitted. "She's learning a lot faster than I did, and at an age I never would have been able to learn the Mind Arts at." Harry snickered, "And she doesn't even have magic helping her."

"Yeah," Simon jumped in. "She always did just pick up on things in ways the rest of us couldn't even see."

Harry nodded. "Half the time I demonstrate something and her subconscious can replicate it immediately. It's a bit freaky."

Simon was nodding with Harry before the reality of the situation kicked in. _Harry_ was calling _River_ 'freaky' and Simon was readily agreeing. He swallowed some pride and admitted, "I know I don't show it often but thank you for helping her."

Harry saw the honest emotion on Simon's face and felt grateful and useful again. "She's a good kid, who's had a really rotten deal so far. You know she was right when she said I owe my current existence to her. No one's really asked me yet, but it's not like deciding to put myself into a magical sleep is an especially rational decision to make. I missed my wife and I felt useless for a long time. When I noticed my magic was feeling restless too I knew I had to do something."

Harry paused and saw Simon was actually listening intently and curious. Harry grinned unsure when he decided to be more open with Simon but he didn't want to be leaving the crew behind. And he knew Simon and Mal were going to be the most reluctant to join in his little hijacking. "There really aren't very many wizards like me. Don't get me wrong, I'm no different or better than anyone else. But I have been gifted an extraordinary amount of power, and frankly wasting away the last half-century or so of my life by feeling lonely and hiding from the press or fans… it would have been insulting to magic when I felt I had something to give back to the world. More purpose in my life, you know?"

Simon nodded, beginning to understand Harry.

"It took me a few years to build a spell that would put me into a stasis outside of time," Harry explained. "I'm not that great at spell creation or what you might call book smarts, but I'm fair at it and pretty creative. I was an honorary member of the Weasley family, and most of my earliest happy memories are of them. I considered entrusting my slumber to the Headmaster position at Hogwarts. I knew I'd never trust the Ministry that much. And that was also why I decided there was too much politics in the Headmaster's position, not to mention there've been a few Headmasters I'm not too fond of.

"So I went to the closest thing to a family I had," Harry admitted. "A clan that bred like bunnies and I'd expected to exist and be magical until the end of time. I left them hard copies of the spell I'd created, what I'd done, and how to wake me. As well as a long note explaining why I went to sleep." Harry felt weird thinking about how this was centuries ago when it seemed more like just a couple of years to him. "I told them if there were any serious threats to our existence, Dark Lords, diseases, something where I could be useful again. I figure I got a good fifty plus years of being capable of helping and I should make them count the most I can. Instead I find myself in a situation worse than I'd ever imagined and my excessive reserves are practically meaningless."

Harry smiled up at the thoughtful looking Simon. "And that's why after two years of trying to unravel this mystery, being able to help River makes my existence worthwhile."

Simon smiled a bit. "Huh."

Harry saw he had managed to practically stun Simon into silence and in a far better way than usual. "Would you mind helping me on something?"

Simon snapped out of his thoughts and remembered, "That reminds of why I wanted to talk to you. First, Kaylee and I read some of your biography and found out ghosts are real."

Harry nodded.

"And we were thinking you could locate a ghost and they might be able to tell you something."

Harry shrugged. "I bet they would, if I could find any. The dead have ways of communicating beyond our comprehension. But I've never found any and I tried calling for them."

"You can call for them?" Simon asked curiously.

Harry paused and explained. "Not exactly call for them specifically. Well, I'm sure there are some darker rituals and areas of necromancy that probably could. But I just warded a chunk of the tallest tower I could find from muggle notice. I think it was the Witten building in Sihnon. And I flared every bit of magic my body could handle without passing out. This was just about a month after I'd woken up, and I'd finally located a wand. I spent over a week doing that and never got anyone or anything's notice. If a ghost were on the planet, they would have felt it, and I'm hoping they would've contacted me."

"Sorry," Simon admitted while Harry waved off his apology. "Just thought you might not have thought of that one. Anyways, the second reason I wanted to talk to you is a bit more personal."

"Okay," Harry admitted, trying to assure Simon he wasn't going to mock him.

"About River," Simon added.

Harry chuckled at Simon's definition of _personal_.

"See the thing is," Simon wondered how to word this. "River talked about an experience with a boy when she was about twelve."

Harry fought back a smile wondering where this conversation was headed.

"Kaylee shared it with me," Simon said and paused. "And the thing is this boy died when River was four."

Harry's eyebrows rose.

"River's always been special," Simon continued. "And honestly, it doesn't matter if she was seeing these things or reading before the Alliance got to her or if she reads as a result of their experimentation. And when you couple that with my recent knowledge that ghosts are real, we just wondered if this might be something she needs to address."

Harry smiled realizing Simon was coming to him as an authority on River's mental wellbeing. "It does raise some interesting questions and not just about River."

"Really?" Simon asked in surprise.

Harry nodded. "Yes, because if this boy really did become a ghost… then something may be fundamentally wrong with magic."

"What do you mean?"

Harry shrugged and said, "Research has shown that only wizards and witches can become ghosts."

"Kevin?" Simon asked in confusion. "Was a wizard?"

"I don't know," Harry sighed sadly. "But actually this gets into what I wanted to ask your help with."

"I'm sorry," Simon apologized forgetting who he was talking. "I completely interrupted you. Yes, what was it I can help you with?"

Harry grinned. "I was wondering if you could look into any genes in the human DNA sequence that may have been discovered around the year 2150 or so."

Simon nodded slowly, "I've got a few medical databases. Anything in particular I should be looking for?"

"That was around the time when a wizard and muggle doctor discovered the magical gene," Harry explained. "It was after I went to sleep and my muggle science studies didn't extend beyond a couple university courses. Apparently, they were able to identify carriers of the gene even in muggles and squibs."

"You have some grand plan to test the verse for this gene?" Simon hesitantly asked.

Harry chuckled. "Not yet. But it's something to look into. For now, I'd just like to know more about it. Could be nothing, could be another lead."

"Alright," Simon agreed. "I'll let you know what I find."

"Oh!" Harry admitted. "I just thought of something. I think the doctor's name was Holmes. Dr. Gregory Holmes or something close to that."

"I'll look him up too."

"And I'll test how River reacts to inquiries about this Kevin," Harry explained. "This actually works well, as it's something I'm unsure on, and she can try and keep it from me."

"Thanks Harry," Simon said amazed at how easy that was to say this time.

"I got a question for you, Simon," Harry said watching the young doctor's response to Harry using his familiar name. "Where did you read about ghosts? Because Moaning Myrtle isn't exactly a representative example."

Simon shook his head. "It was your seventh year. Colin and Dennis Creevey I believe?"

Harry's eyes darkened at the reminder but certainly wasn't about to forget those two ever. "Yeah that was them. Great kids. Annoyed the piss out of me when they were alive, but I owe my life to them."

Simon felt like he'd put his foot in his mouth again, bringing up painful, ancient memories. He latched onto the words that made Harry smile and asked, "Annoyed you, did they?"

Harry nodded and grinned. "I hated being famous back then. And Colin was practically my number one fan. Always had a camera around his neck. Took dozens and dozens of pictures of me. At the time, I thought it was a little creepy. But Lordy was Dennis a stereotypical Gryffindor. Act first, think later. I wouldn't be surprised if Dennis was beating Colin up by the time he was five."

Simon smiled. "They sound nice… and annoying."

Harry sighed and agreed. "I kept in touch with Sarah and Rob, their parents. Actually, it was because of them I had to figure out how to bring muggles into a pensieve. I refused to show them any of the boys' capture or deaths, but I showed them how brave they were as ghosts, and let Sarah and Rob hear their final wishes firsthand."

Harry shrugged, "To be honest I was surprised they didn't blame the magical world more. It helped that Dennis and especially Colin talked about me at home. So Sarah and Rob knew what their sons thought of me before I ever met them. Believe it or not, the idiots at the Ministry had _obliviated_ the knowledge of the magical world from them, and they believed their sons had drowned at the pool at their boarding school."

Harry rubbed his chin, "At the time I wondered if they might be happier believing the lie, but I owed it to Colin and Dennis to tell them the truth. Neither Sarah nor Rob ever really blamed the magical world or even me. Rob was a milkman and I did his route with him one day." Harry frowned. "It really was as boring as you'd expect it to be."

Simon chuckled uncertain what a milkman exactly did but guessed Harry was right.

"Anyways," Harry sighed and shook away his old memories. "Yeah, good kids. A lot of people like them have helped me, and that's why it's important to me that I try and help as many as I can back."

"You could cure all sorts of terminal diseases," Simon said recalling Harry's work with Courtney Cobb.

Harry nodded and frowned. "I won't deny help when confronted with a situation calling for it, but I'm not ready to give up on the wizarding world yet."

Simon expected that answer and thought it was appropriate. His musings on a response were interrupted by a beeping and voice from Harry's communicator.

"Harry!" Mr. Universe called out. "I've got some good news. This project has absolutely no trail whatsoever. It's running off its own complete system, accounting and everything."

Harry glanced over at Simon and replied, "How's that good news?"

"Well, it's sort of good in that if I can get in there, it should be easy to assume total control," Mr. Universe explained. "But the real good news is that I have managed to locate the mysterious gaps in thirty-eight different Alliance government employees' records."

"Okay," Harry said encouraging Mr. Universe to hurry up.

"This means while we can't access anything at all on the project we do know the people involved in it."

"And I take it there's a useful name in there?" Harry inquired.

"Well, it was tracing through Durran that led me here, but that's not a terribly useful name as we already know his involvement," Mr. Universe said with a hidden grin. "But there is one name that stood out and should ring a few bells."

Harry gave Simon a perplexed look and was trying to think of anyone. "You got me. Who?"

Mr. Universe took his time to victoriously announce, "Antonio Weatherby."

"Oooh," Harry's face blossomed into a devious grin towards Simon. "This could be good."


	22. CHAPTER TWENTY ONE: Weatherby's Wicked

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE – Weatherby's Wicked Wheezing**

"So this Weatherby character," Mal asked. "You think he's going to help you?"

Harry shrugged. "If I have to, I'll _Imperius_ him."

"What's that mean?" Zoe asked.

"It's one of the worst relatively common curses. Takes away a person's free will completely and the caster has total control over the victim. Just using it warrants a lifetime sentence to a magical prison. Nasty stuff."

River chuckled. "Nothing's illegal when there are no laws or people to enforce them, eh?"

"Exactly," Harry grinned. "Although I seriously doubt I'll need to use it. If Antonio's got any semblance of Weasley in him, he'll be willing to help us."

"And he's going to get you the answers and information on the hyperdrive?" Mal clarified.

Harry had been hoping Mal might warm up to the idea but it still seemed to be Harry's answers, not all of their answers. "He's got the answers or at least will lead us to them, yes."

"Fair enough," Mal agreed. "How much backup you want with you?"

Harry glanced over and said, "I was thinking perhaps just River and I should go. Though it's possible I may kidnap him and bring him back with me." Harry's inflection rose at the end, half-asking for permission.

Mal took a breath and nodded. "You do what you have to. I'd rather not get us all messy, but if you gotta keep an eye on him, I understand. This is your show and so far, I don't want no part of it."

"Thanks Captain," Harry grinned, knowing he was trying Mal's patience.

Simon seemed to be fighting his brotherly instincts but was staying silent.

"I'll be fine," River assured Simon.

Harry grinned at Simon and tried to put his mind at ease. "I don't need any backup, and there's no danger here. I just think the reason the Alliance woke me up," Harry said jerking his thumb towards River, "may open his eyes to the need for occasionally circumventing the establishment."

Simon relaxed a bit and gave Harry a curious look.

"Plus she can be really freaky sometimes," Harry added with a grin.

* * *

Serenity landed in a public docking area near downtown Londonium. Harry turned to his co-pilot. "You got the cloak?" 

"Check."

"Shields up and strong?"

"Check."

"You undressing me with your eyes?"

"Check."

Harry smiled to see River took the jibe without even blinking. "Alright, Frank. What's the word?"

The handheld communicator in Harry's hand replied, "He arrived home just twenty minutes ago. He's alone in his apartment."

Harry was surprised. "Do I want to know how you know that much?"

"His complex has a very secured and regulated system." Mr. Universe explained happily.

"Coordinates?" Harry asked.

The screen on Harry's device shifted and turned into a blueprint map overlapping an aerial view. Harry studied it for just a moment and held out his hand towards River. "Put the cloak on and grab hold of my hand."

River disappeared from view and Harry felt the cloak fall over his wrist as she grabbed onto him. Harry made himself invisible and with a barely audible pop apparated the pair of them right in front of an apartment door. Harry stood their invisible for a moment and asked, "Uhh… Frank? Any cameras around here?"

"I've shut them off," Mr. Universe replied. "They'll need to be manually restarted once it's noticed they're down."

"Lovely," Harry said allowing himself to become visible. Harry turned towards River and put his finger to his lips indicating quiet. "Just follow me in and stay hidden until you feel like joining us."

River nodded from underneath the cloak smiling excitedly.

Harry snickered at her grin and pressed the doorbell that made a pleasant deep _boing_ sound.

"Coming," was the muffled call through the door.

Harry waited patiently, and tried to show no surprise when the solid door retracted in four different directions opening in a fast spiral motion.

"Err, hello," Antonio greeted. "How can I help you?"

Harry cleared his throat and made a show of looking down the hallway both directions. "Can we talk inside? It's important."

"What is this about?" Antonio frowned not recognizing the young man before him.

Harry leaned forward and whispered. "It's about the hyperdrive."

Antonio's eyes bugged out and he quickly ushered Harry in, River following directly behind him. Harry was pretty sure she'd not meant to bump into him, but at least he knew she'd followed him in.

"How do you know about that!" Antonio hissed angrily once the door had closed and he'd activated some security features.

Harry shrugged. "How I know is of little consequence. What does matter is that you need to realize the field test is going to be hijacked."

"What?" Antonio gasped. "Who? When? How do you know this?"

Harry smiled and saw River was making no noise as she walked around inspecting the barely furnished apartment. "When and how remains to be seen, but who… well, that would be us."

Antonio gulped and suddenly took a step back. He considered his options and decided to try and act nonchalant.

"Harry," Mr. Universe's voice just spoke up from Harry's pocket. "He just tripped a silent alarm."

Harry shrugged, "Well that's not surprising." He was enjoying the confusion on Antonio's momentarily triumphant face. "I'm assuming you intercepted it?"

"Captured it in fact," Mr. Universe replied. "May want to use this thing later."

"Good thinking," Harry replied with a smile as Antonio continued to pale in fear. "Relax Antonio. I'm not here to hurt you. Have a seat." Harry waved towards his couch while he settled into the recliner facing the young man.

"Wh- wh- what do you want?" Antonio stuttered as he sat down, obeying without question.

"A number of things, but mainly your assistance on a little project," Harry explained. "Before we get too far though, I think a reintroduction is necessary." Harry pressed his fingers to the areas he'd tied his glamour to and revealed his real face. "Remember me?"

Antonio had been paling before, but now he was white as a sheet. "You!"

"It's been a couple of years."

"You're real!" Antonio gasped.

Harry nodded. "That I am."

"I thought I'd dreamt you or something," Antonio mumbled franticly.

Harry's eyes were twinkling as he glanced over Antonio's shoulder, "You wouldn't be the first." He saw River sticking her tongue out hidden under the invisibility cloak.

"Was… was that magic?" Antonio asked slightly less fearfully. "That thing with your face?"

Harry nodded. "Yes, it was. What do you know of magic?"

"Nothing," Antonio said shaking his head. "Just my grandfather told me it was real, and that you, Harry Potter, were a wizard."

"True and true," Harry admitted before reapplying the glamour charm that he felt naked without. "But what I'm here to determine is whether or not you really are a proper Weasley."

"What's a Weasley?" Antonio asked curiously, unconsciously relaxing a bit despite his present situation.

"Just a family name," Harry admitted thinking fondly. "And the best one I ever knew. Weasleys weren't hung up on who had the most money or power. They just believed in doing what was right, even when it wasn't what was easy."

"Of course I believe in doing what's right," Antonio argued.

"Do you?" Harry asked. "You support destroying people's lives? Hiding genocide? Experimenting on children?"

Antonio's brow furrowed in confusion.

"What do you remember of the situation you chose to wake me for?"

Antonio was trying to recall all the details of the mysterious events. "Not a lot," he admitted in frustration. "But I didn't know that much to begin with."

Harry nodded, "I figured as much, but tell me what you do remember and I'll fill in the blanks for you."

"I remember both Chancellor Griffin and Chancellor Donald asked me to help them with a situation they'd already lost an Operative on," Antonio mused out loud. "They knew the story my grandfather had told me and wanted to try an alternative solution to a problem. I remember being surprised when I realized it was River Tam."

"Why were you surprised it was her?" Harry asked noticing River was slinking her way up behind Antonio.

Antonio straightened himself up and explained, "Well because, this is not particularly well-known, but in the upper echelons of law enforcement she became the number one most wanted criminal. She was known to be vicious, psychotic, and extremely dangerous."

"Vicious, psychotic, and extremely dangerous?" Harry said with a smile finding it hard to disagree with the veracity of that assessment. "Do you even know who River Tam is? And what made her so dangerous?"

"Well… no." Antonio paused and shook his head. "But if she could defeat an Operative it is quite worrisome. They _are_ the most disciplined and well-trained officers of the Alliance."

"Let me tell you a bit more of the story," Harry explained noticing River was rolling her eyes under the invisibility cloak. "River Tam was an extremely gifted young woman. To call her intelligent wouldn't even be accurate because she simply learns things instinctually at a rate no one could match. She could hear a song once and play it better on the piano than the composer who wrote it. She could see the truth in people and objects at a depth that our minds let alone eyes could barely understand. A prodigy in every sense of the word."

Antonio was looking shocked but intrigued and listened intently.

"It's true she is a reader," Harry continued. "But even without her limited psychic abilities, she could tell when you're lying just by the number times of you breathe in a minute or how much your pupils dilate when you make eye contact. She was accepted into a program for gifted children where she thought she might have some actual challenges that Gen. Ed. could never provide. This was run completely by the Alliance and several of the foremost scientists in their fields. Sounds perfect, right?"

Antonio nodded, not sure where Harry was going.

"Unfortunately the program was far more sinister than it appeared," Harry explained noticing River's melancholy smile. "They drugged her constantly. They cut open her brain numerous times, going so far as to completely strip her limbic system."

"What?" Antonio gasped.

"Yes," Harry admitted. "They were forcing her to feel and sense everything. To do that to a person is unimaginable but to a reader the effect is compounded and multiplied. They actually forced memories into her head that weren't her own, in an effort to train her and control her."

Antonio was dismayed. "I had no idea…"

Harry nodded. "She was a clever girl in spite of everything they were doing to control her and keep her sedated. She hid codes in letters to her older brother, mentioning things about their past that never happened. He did his best to keep in touch with her, but the Institute never let him visit, and his parents were so sure everything was fine. Never once doubting a government sponsored program. Eventually her brother unraveled the code and understood the simple message in them. It said '_They're hurting us. Get me out.'_"

Antonio frowned, "How do you know all this?"

"Hang on," Harry said stopping Antonio. "I'm getting there. Anyways, it took her brother two more years before he'd managed to come up with a plan and break her out. He was a well-respected doctor, with a brilliant future ahead of him and he threw it all away to save his little sister." Harry paused appreciating the smile on River's face.

"Now you might think that having this horrible crime exposed is what the Alliance feared," Harry continued. "But you'd be wrong. If it got enough press it _could_ look bad, but mentally she was a complete mess. They'd get it all thrown out or hushed up as the words of a crazy person. No, the problem was that a number of highly ranking members of Parliament had observed River's progress. They periodically checked on her. And like I said, she is a reader."

Antonio's brow furrowed in confusion.

Harry smirked. "In all that mess inside her head, there were some secrets that those men knew, and her gift could pluck right out of their unprotected minds because she could read them like books. In particular there was one secret, they couldn't let get out. River was such a mess she didn't know what they were worried about because there was too much going on inside her head to make sense of it. But it was only a matter of time until she caught on to the one secret they were most afraid of."

"Reavers," Antonio gasped suddenly realizing the massive conspiracy that had broken.

Harry nodded. "Exactly. She knew the government had experimented on changing an entire colonized planet of people, killing somewhere near thirty million. And mutating about thirty thousand of them into monsters. It was that little piece of information that made her dangerous… _to the Alliance_."

Antonio frowned and wasn't sure what to say.

"They sent an Operative out to hunt her down, hoping to bring her back, but if not then to kill her. As you know that Operative was unable to prevent the message and truth about the planet Miranda from getting out. He had caught up with her, just as it got broadcast. The Operative didn't know about Miranda or anything like that. And when word spread, he knew he had failed in his mission. The primary objective for silencing River was no longer an issue. So he stopped his pursuit and let her go."

Antonio thought this sounded possible despite not matching his understanding of the situation at all.

"The Operative was shortly thereafter killed," Harry explained noticing River taking off the invisibility cloak, "_by the Alliance_ for failure. It wasn't River or anyone else who went out of their way to kill him, merely an unforgiving institution. _That_ is why River was no longer so serious a threat, just merely an embarrassment to the Alliance. That's why they didn't want to risk more Operatives and instead had you use me to try and get me to hunt down River Tam. To capture or kill this young woman they'd already tortured and nearly broken for several years."

Antonio sighed and sat back. His faith and confidence in the establishment had been waning ever since the story of Miranda had been exposed. And even before then he was aware there were some ruthless elements of the government and he'd become quite disillusioned with a number of his superiors. "Are you sure about this? Because I mean… your story fits and all but it is pretty hard to believe."

"Yes, I'm sure," the soft gentle voice answered from directly behind Antonio.

"Ahh!" Antonio shrieked jumping away from the girl he never knew was behind him.

"Antonio," Harry smiled at River's innocent little expression as she rested her chin on the back of the couch. "Allow me to introduce River Tam."

Antonio had backed away from the second intruder and was brandishing a remote control in front of him to protect himself. He just looked from Harry to River and back to Harry.

"You could say hello," Harry suggested to Antonio.

Antonio wasn't sure how much more he could take. "She's not going kill me, is she?"

River tilted her head to the side and replied, "Haven't really decided yet."

"River," Harry warned.

"Fine," she pouted. "I'm not going to kill you."

Antonio wasn't sure hearing that made him feel any safer.

Harry reached over and took the remote from Antonio's clammy hands. "Relax, Antonio, neither of us are here to hurt you." Harry snapped one of his wands into his hand and with a wave conjured a worn-looking rocking chair.

River immediately recognized it as her grandmother's old one that Harry had commented on inside her mind. She sat down and began rocking back and forth with a smile.

Harry thought River may have been playing the crazy angle a bit strong but was fighting back his own grin. "Sit down, Antonio. We still have much to discuss."

Antonio sat back down on the couch as far away from River as possible, and oddly enough quite near to Harry. "So what now? Are we going to spread River's story to the press?"

River frowned but kept rocking back and forth.

"Naw," Harry replied. "River's been through enough I think. No, like I said, we're going to hijack the hyperdrive field test."

Antonio's eyes widened and looked back at Harry and realized he was deadly serious. "Right. Forgot about that."

"So what can you tell me about the hyperdrive?" Harry asked.

"What do you mean?" Antonio warily answered, still reluctant to release top secret details.

Harry inclined his head forward, the way he always did when he was forced to punish students. "I mean, Mr. Weatherby, when does the field test leave? How big is the ship? How many people are going? How difficult and technical is operating the ship? What is your role on the project?"

Antonio gulped and suddenly felt much smaller. "Aren't you going to regale me with some gruesome details of the corruption of this project? Convince me on how helping you would actually be the right thing to do?"

Harry leant back and saw River was smirking at him. "You know I'm a wizard. You know I can make you completely forget having even seen me this evening. You may have some idea of what I'm capable of, but I assure you, I can do much worse than you can imagine. I am going to hijack the field test. That goes without saying. You are going to help us. That also goes without saying. Whether you're forced to help us, because I make you and I take your freedom from you, or you do so because you can see reason. That is still to be determined."

Antonio gulped. "You said you weren't going to hurt me."

Harry snapped his wand towards Antonio and whispered out, "_Imperio_!"

River's eyes widened and she stopped rocking finally. She leaned forward to watch what was going on.

Antonio's eyes were glazed over and he heard a voice in his head, telling him what to do. He began to speak. "The mission lift-off is scheduled for 8:00 AM Sunday. It's a crew of five cosmonauts and I am the official mission Documentarian. I will be preparing the reports and briefings for all mission commanders and authorized personnel both during and once the test is complete."

Harry fought down the slight guilt he felt and released the curse as he sat back, "That didn't hurt a bit, now did it?"

Antonio shook himself and suddenly felt like he was waking from a daydream. "What was that!"

Harry shrugged while River was looking highly impressed. "A small piece of magic to encourage your assistance. Alternately, I could have pulled the information straight from your thoughts, but I know for the time you are under that particular curse it feels quite good, doesn't it?"

Antonio looked at Harry in fear and confusion.

Harry gave Antonio a pointed look, "Most people who get put under that curse are kept as slaves to their own mind and the caster's will for days, weeks, months or even years at a time. I'm informing you that I _am_ hijacking that field test, and if you'd prefer to be controlled it is an option."

"And this is supposed to convince me to help you?" Antonio snapped back.

"No," Harry replied calmly as River started to rock back and forth again. "This is to show you, I'm deadly serious that I will be taking this field test. I'm offering you the option of being in control of your own body, as well as letting you continue to document the project. When it's all over, I expect the hyperdrive ship will be returned, and we can turn you into something of a hero. Perhaps you'll save the five kidnapped cosmonauts, or maybe no one will ever know it wasn't them on the trip. It all depends."

"You're not keeping it?" Antonio asked in surprise.

Harry shook his head. "Not worth the trouble. I doubt it runs on any sort of simple fuel you can pick up at your local Blue Sun Superstore."

"Heavens no," Antonio insisted. "The tachyon accelerators rely on a delicate balance of fusion and fission-"

"Antonio!" Harry interrupted. "_Please_. Speak English around me. Not science, and definitely not Chinese."

"English? As in Old English?" Antonio asked in confusion.

"He means American," River helpfully added.

"Why?" Harry moaned in mock distress. "Why must you take everything from me?"

"Your old books are in _English_," River conceded. "But the modern vernacular is American."

"Stupid Yanks," Harry mumbled.

River smiled deviously at Harry and added, "According to most history books, England was probably the most important European state of America."

"The muggles agreed to that," Harry argued pointing at River. "The wizards never did."

"Oh?" River asked. "You have some books on _wizarding_ history proving this?"

Harry caught her eye and viciously pulled up her feelings when she'd first seen Harry's real face. He could feel her burning embarrassment and still every bit as strong a desire at the thought of a distinguished gentleman. Apparently her carnal urges vacillated between young, strapping, and muscular and older, experienced, and muscular.

River broke eye contact and pushed him out, strengthening her shields instinctually. "That wasn't fair. You cheated."

"What?" Antonio said rapidly whipping his head between Harry's glowing eyes and River looking away with her eyes clenched shut. "What happened?"

"Of course it wasn't fair," Harry admitted with a grin. "And if you must know, Antonio, I just pulled up a few memories from River's head in an effort to test her mental defenses and control."

Antonio turned to look at River in fear once again. "Is she a wizard?"

"Nope, though the word would be witch," Harry replied. "But she desperately needed some order and control in her mind. And the technique is the same even if not supported by magical strength. Then again reading itself is a magical gift," Harry admitted. "But purely mental and mind arts. Not the same as wand waving or the usual… magic. Still she's not a witch."

"The _usual_?" Antonio asked. "There's more of you?"

Harry sighed and after a moment's thought answered, "Let's hope so."

River was still smarting over her shield not keeping Harry out and jumped in, "Harry here hasn't found any yet. Part of the reason it's so important that _he_ takes this trip back to Earth-That-Was."

"River," Harry said warningly. "Perhaps it's time for you to disappear."

Antonio saw River frown in a playful way rather than respond to the threat.

"Anyways, Antonio," Harry said with a smile. "I need to know if you're in."

Antonio looked back over towards River and saw she had in fact disappeared. He was franticly snapping his head all around his apartment and back towards Harry. "Where'd she go?"

Harry smirked. "She's making faces right behind you, actually."

Antonio leapt off the couch and spun right around seeing nothing.

"Come on Antonio," Harry said louder. "You really need to relax more. We've got less than a week. Are you going to help us?"

Antonio uncertainly sat back down on his couch thinking quietly for a minute or two. For a moment he could have sworn he saw one of the picture frames on his wall moving back and forth, but he was considering his situation. Finally, he admitted, "I'm in with a couple of ground rules."

Harry was immediately reminded of the far more mature and scheming Percy Weasley who had become Minister of Magic. A man Harry never could have seen coming from the straight-laced Ministry lackey Percy had been in his youth. "Rules?"

"First," Antonio said firmly. "I'm coming with you. And I'm not sharing my bed on the Firenze with anyone."

"Firenze? That's its name?" Harry gaped in momentary surprise. "Are you serious?"

Antonio nodded. "Yes, Dr. Cole who designed and stabilized the engine chose to name the ship after his wife."

"His wife's name is Firenze?" Harry asked picturing a particularly unattractive woman.

"No," Antonio replied. "Her name is Florence. And can you agree to that first rule?"

Harry was ignoring River's antics from under the cloak and replied. "If you come, it's going to make it a bit trickier explaining your presence."

"But far from impossible," Antonio sniffed haughtily. "After all you _are_ taking me against my will."

"Fair enough," Harry nodded indicating Antonio should continue his list of demands thinly veiled as rules.

"Second," Antonio stated. "You will not use any magic on me taking away my free will or forcing me to do something I'd rather not. This is willing assistance. _Period_. Not willing for the most part, until you disagree with me."

"You do realize I could simply force you into most of these things, right?" Harry pointed out.

"Yes," Antonio admitted, hiding his discomfort. "But my conscience won't allow me to merely submit myself to being your puppet at your whims and helping you willfully all the other times."

"You're acting more and more like a Weasley," Harry grinned. "And yes, I can agree to that. It's what I would like too."

"And in exchange," Antonio continued pleasantly. "I will assist you on this in any way I safely can, without risking my life, excessively risking my job, nor risking the purpose of the field test."

Harry was smiling brightly. "River?"

A pouting voice from right behind Antonio answered. "Yeah, he's telling the truth."

Antonio managed to not jerk in surprise, but he did appear to be sweating a bit more.

"Quite right," Harry agreed smiling victoriously. "Oh honestly, Antonio. Do relax a bit more. You don't even look like you're having fun."

It didn't take long for Antonio to wonder if he was doing the right thing.

* * *

Zoe wiped her watery eyes and went to track down the Captain. 

"Sir?" Zoe asked carrying the biography with her.

Mal looked up at his first mate and best friend. He couldn't help but to feel betrayed by her lack of loyalty in the current situation. "What is it, Zoe?"

"You like Harry, don't you?"

Mal sighed. "I like a quiet life. I like staying in the sky and doing a little business when it's called for. And yes, despite all of that, I do like Harry."

"You enjoy a spot of trouble just as much as he does," Zoe argued. "And you know damn well, if he'd fought by you in the war, you'd be doing everything in your power to help him."

"Zoe," Mal wanted to snap at her, but if anyone had earned the right to throw things like that in his face it was her. Mal took a deep breath, "We were doing just fine before we met him, and whenever we part ways with him, we'll do just fine then too."

"_Fei hua_!" Zoe raged. "We've not been the same since Miranda. I'll never be the same, and you know it. Harry's the best thing that's happened to us in the last two years and sometimes I feel like he's the first good thing to happen to us."

Mal opened his mouth but didn't have a chance for a rebuttal before Zoe continued. "Do you even realize the only reason I'm still here is because when my man died, it meant something. We were all big damn heroes, especially you and especially Wash. We lost the Unification war, but getting that wave out was one battle that we won. I will always think the costs were way too high but we beat them. And in that moment, you showed me once again, the Sergeant I was proud to serve with." Her voice was cracking thick with emotion.

Mal couldn't ever remember seeing his first mate so passionate before. He found himself hating her for caring so much about this, but knew he had to be careful with his words. He realized it was a lesson Harry had been helping him to learn and that just was making him angrier.

"You need to think about just who you are," Zoe said quietly and dangerously. "Because my friend, the man I respect second only to my husband, wouldn't be trying to take the coward's way out of this one." She thrust the biography into his hands and was pointing at the place to start. "Just read this section, if not the rest of the book."

Mal's face never wavered in his anger as he accepted the book. He held his tongue, fearful of what might come out if he opened his mouth now. He watched her storm angrily away and suddenly realized what she said, _second only to my husband_.

He sat back on his bed and grabbed the bottle of whiskey he kept in the nightstand. After five minutes of quiet contemplation he looked at the book and began to read.

_In 2055 the International Confederation of Wizards in conjunction with every major muggle government agreed that all magical governing bodies and peoples would abstain from World War III. No wizard or witch of any nation was allowed to take part in the political games that were ravishing the lands. There was some discussion that they feared Harry Potter's involvement, especially after the fallout from his defeat of the Dark Lord Vin, just three years earlier._

_No matter though, as the wizards and witches of the world were more than happy to avoid the conflict and continue going on with their lives. Harry, himself, was one of the most vocal supporters of using the magical world to negotiate a peaceful solution if all sides were in agreement that no wizard could actively participate. He feared the inevitable devastation of a long, drawn-out conflict. This war was not like previous muggle World Wars fought with front lines and armies of soldiers. It was a continuous game of positioning and maneuvering eventually leading towards brief but massive destruction._

_As per the required agreements, the magical government of Britain was informed of an impending attack on British soil. They were bound by oath and unable to contact anyone within the British muggle government, but they were able to evacuate most in time. St. Mungos was in danger and they quickly began to empty the hospital, beginning with the nearest and most critically injured. The Derwent Wing for children catered to not only magical children, but also some muggle ones in special circumstances. It was for this reason that they were putting off the evacuation of that wing for last, if at all._

_Harry Potter became aware of the situation and found this unacceptable. When the first charges went off, the entire building shook, the wards wavered, but they held and snapped back into place. Harry had sensed his opportunity and managed to slide through the wards in the brief lapse, but once he was in the wing, the wards flared back to normal as strong as ever._

_The children were all scared and crying having been locked in the wing alone. Twenty-four young boys and girls ranging from the ages of three to nine were trapped. Many of them had been members of the ward nearly their entire lives. Before Harry could do anything else his intuition warned him of the immediate threat._

_Exactly what happened and how it was accomplished is still debated to this day. The Empty-A Bomb, or Empty-Atomic Bomb, explodes with a power that cannot be replicated or even comprehended by most wizards. It does not detonate with as much wild power, nor does it cause radiation sickness the way the original nuclear bomb does. It merely demonstrates the threat of an actual nuclear detonation as a show of power and strikes terror at what could have been. And it completely obliterates all within its tightly controlled area with a radius of about two hundred meters._

_The Derwent Wing was a hundred and sixty meters from the source of the blast._

_When the wizards went to search through the rubble, hoping to hide the existence of the magical world from muggle emergency rescue personnel they found the unconscious but alive bodies of six children and Harry Potter. Two other children, furthest from Harry, were physically unharmed but did not survive. The remaining sixteen children were only accounted for by the stain patterns._

_The Bunker Shield is the strongest known shield to wizardkind and only the most powerful wizards can even cast it. Even today the Department of Mysteries has been trying to replicate this feat, and they have been unable to successfully cast a Bunker Shield that would encompass two people. Harry explained it as the same sort of uncontrollable emotions that drive accidental magic provided him with the ability to save as many as he could. He had defied all convention and managed to protect six innocent young souls, but all Harry could think about was the eighteen children who he was unable to save. Harry managed to not cast one large shield but several individual ones all around the people nearest to him at the moment of impact. The two children furthest from him were protected from the blast, but suffocated from lack of air inside the smaller shields surrounding them._

_In an effort to prove that stupidity is truly limitless, the British Ministry of Magic placed Harry Potter under arrest for his actions and tried him in front of the Wizengamot. His crime was defying the laws of the United Kingdom and involving magic in the muggle war. Nearly every nation in the International Confederation offered him an exemption, and perhaps the British Ministry was expecting him to accept one, thereby granting him a reprieve from the law in these circumstances. Harry respectfully denied them all and elected to defend himself in one of the most notorious criminal cases this century._

_Harry admitted to doing exactly what they accused him of, willfully using magic to defend not only himself but others including two muggles. A brother and sister who had lost their parents to a dark wizard and had their development stunted due to exposure to the Cruciatus Curse. Harry ended his case with these closing remarks:_

"_A brilliant man often reminded me to look at the difference between what is right and what is easy. That did not factor into my decisions that day. This was a simple matter of right and wrong. I personally find it disgusting that we must question whether saving the lives of innocent children is right or wrong. All of the children were aware of the existence of magic. If they weren't, would I have done the same? Absolutely. If faced with the situation again today, would I do the same? Absolutely._

"_If you're deliberating on how much to fine me for my flagrant disregard of the law, please make sure to consider that not everyone is as wealthy as I. If the next time it is your children whose lives are threatened, the aurors and hitwizards will need to factor in the extra time it takes them to check their wallets. Of course, I suppose for them saving children would cost them their job, so it's not a terribly fair position to put them in the first place. Tough break for the kids, eh?_

"_I personally don't give a kneazle's left nut how you vote in this case. I know I did the right thing. Everyone with a conscience knows I did the right thing. My only fear is that one of those innocent children will see the pathetic attempts at justice in this courtroom. That they will think you were debating just how much punishment their lives are worth. Because those children have suffered enough. And no one should have to see mindless politicians opening their mouths merely to imitate arseholes spewing crap, let alone children. Thank you."_

_His words didn't win him very many votes though they certainly made for some interesting editorials. The effect of his words was that they chose not to fine Harry Potter at all. Instead they laid an even bigger log, and in conjunction with the muggle authority of the Great Britain, banished Harry Potter to exile from the country 'permanently.'_

_Harry chose not to appeal and did his part to see that his sentence went into effect immediately, accidentally tearing down the apparition wards in the courtroom in his hasty exit._

_The next two years of Harry's life were some of the best, as he toured the world with his beautiful, vivacious, and brilliant wife. When another Dark Lord rose to power in England, the Ministry of Magic exonerated Harry completely and begged him to come back and help combat the new Dark Lord. Sadly, Harry couldn't hold a grudge half as well as his wife and he answered the call without delay._

Mal sat the book down and looked around his empty room. "_Gorramit!_"

* * *

Harry and River returned to Serenity alone. Mr Universe made sure the ship was still in the same spot, and they apparated right back onto the bridge with a near silent-pop. 

"That really feels weird," River commented. "Like for a split-second gravity is a lot stronger."

Harry stopped and looked at her. "I've never quite heard it put that way, but that sounds about right."

The pair walked back towards the dining area and found Kaylee, Simon, Mal, and Zoe all chatting quietly.

"Hey guys," Kaylee greeted as the first to spot them.

"River!" Simon gasped. "Are you okay?"

River rolled her eyes. "I lost both legs, but I'll live."

"I'm going to miss those legs," Harry admitted. He bent down and was running his hand down her leg. "I magicked her this pair of fakes ones though. You can't even see the seam!"

Simon at first felt like he was being made fun of, but then wasn't quite so sure. The one thing he did recognize though was his sister holding her breath and her cheeks flushing as Harry ran his hand down her leg.

"You two need to be alone?" Mal asked Harry with a smile, making it apparent to Harry what the odd wizard was doing.

Harry on the other hand knew very well what he was doing and was counting on the presence of the others to put River off balance. He'd barely been able to pound his way past her defenses earlier in the evening and took advantage of her slight fluster. When he made eye contact with her, he immediately sought out the memory of her youth and a boy named Kevin. A few images of a twelve year old boy flittered past featuring a much younger River Tam. He then picked up a couple memories with Kevin's voice but no visuals. He saw a ten year old River with a mirror all alone on her bed, and heard Kevin's voice again when he was summarily ejected from her mind.

Harry staggered away from her, clutching his own throbbing head. "Ouch," Harry admitted closing his eyes and rubbing his temples.

River on the other hand wasn't taking this personal invasion quite as calmly as before. She had no hesitation in cold-cocking Harry right in the jaw. He never even saw it coming.

"I think an audience is just what they need," Simon answered Mal's question that had been left hanging.

"Was that really necessary?" Harry whined rubbing his sore jaw, forgetting his throbbing head.

"_Of course it wasn't necessary,_" River mocked imitating Harry's attitude from earlier. "I understand you need to test my defenses. I understand you're trying to catch me off-guard." She took a step towards Harry and began poking him hard in the chest. "But if you try to emotionally manipulate me and take advantage of my unstable hormones, you had better be prepared for the violent mood swings."

"Mood jabs and uppercuts too," Zoe helpfully added.

"We going to get the story on what just happened here?" Mal asked.

"No," River answered quickly.

Harry saw River didn't take to the _Legilimency_ too well, but wondered if she understood her previous affect on other people a little better now. "Anyways, Captain, Antonio's in. He had a couple of demands but nothing unreasonable."

"Demands?" Mal asked not liking the sound of that.

Harry nodded and was reminded of his headache. "He's coming with us. And he's not sharing a bed."

"How much room is there?" Simon asked not liking the images 'sharing a bed' currently brought to mind.

"Field test mission is for five," Harry admitted. "And I'm reluctant to use an extensive amount of magic to expand things considering the situation. Antonio gets one, which means we can bring everyone, as long as we don't mind sharing two to a bed on the other four."

River jumped in, "All five cosmonauts will have suits and backup suits that can withstand empty space as well as the current conditions on Earth-That-Was."

"Alleged conditions," Harry interrupted her.

"_Alleged _current conditions," River corrected while twirling her finger intimating that Harry was delusional. "So there's enough for all of us and two instances of our usual brand of luck."

"One instance," Harry corrected. "You're not counting Antonio."

Mal nodded and stated, "I figure I can bunk with Jayne, and Zoe and Inara can share." Mal grinned and said, "Simon, I think you should pick whether you want to stay with Kaylee, River, or Harry."

"You're coming with us?" Harry said looking at the Captain and the horror on Simon's face. "Both of you?"

Mal just nodded giving no explanation.

Harry turned towards Simon. "Looks like it's you and me, Doc."

"No it's not," Simon replied not feeling _that_ comfortable with the weird old wizard yet.

"Oh?" Harry grinned. "So am I sleeping with your girlfriend or sister then?"

It was not a decision Simon was prepared to make just yet. He was considering paying Jayne everything he owned to bunk with Harry, but really didn't want to think about this. Deciding to put off the impossible choice for later, Simon asked, "So was Antonio supposed to be one of the cosmonauts? Or how will he explain his disappearance?"

Harry shook his head. "Naw, he's documenting the entire project and the mission. That was one of his other demands; he still gets to document everything. But we've got it all covered. Tomorrow, Antonio is going into work as normal, and he's going to connect his own personal com device with his workstation. Frank's all set and ready. He'll spread from there and destroy the trail leading to Antonio."

"It was actually one of our better ideas," Harry admitted smiling at River. "Antonio's got a note from his Dr. Tammy."

"I voted against that name," River interrupted when she saw her brother's fearful look.

"The note explains that he'd like Antonio to continue working, in spite of the disruptions from leaking fluid and random moments of extreme pain. If by Sunday, Antonio hasn't passed the not one, but two kidney stones then they're going to use shockwave lithotripsy. For the sake of co-workers and unpredictable screaming though he's going to be working from home."

The others glanced at Simon who shrugged. "That's actually pretty plausible."

Harry nodded. "Dr. Tammy thinks that continuing his work throughout the mission will give Antonio something else to focus on, other than excruciating groin pain. And Frank's already got him mission clearance to setup diary drops from the cosmonauts to Antonio's secured home system. This way he'll still be documenting the mission, and few people will want to try and question a situation involving a man's urethra, blood, and extreme pain."

Zoe asked, "And what happens when someone tries to contact him?"

Harry shrugged. "Frank can fake it. He's already got an instance in Antonio's apartment complex security system. Sampled his voice, he just needs to moan and wheeze in pain, maybe mention changing a bloody diaper-"

"Antonio voted against that excuse," River reminded.

"It's up to Frank," Harry said with a shrug. "But we just relay an audio wave of Antonio, and they won't question it. As well as explain that he's getting the lithotripsy, thus missing the historic field test launch, which they know he was very interested in."

"Alright," Mal nodded. "Please stop mentioning… those words. So how's the rest of this going to work?"

Harry nodded. "Unless something changes, they're expecting five male cosmonauts so we figure that's what they should get. Just before they suit up, we're going to be knocking them out and taking them with us. Then they'll see the five of us board the Firenze and take off."

"Take them with us? And what about us girls?" Kaylee inquired.

Harry winced a little and saw River wasn't smiling. "I'm going to be transfiguring the four women into something small and unnoticeable, maybe beads on a necklace. That's also what I'm going to do with the five cosmonauts, who are assumed to be on this mission."

"Cool," Kaylee grinned. "You can just turn us into a little bead?"

Harry nodded. "I can. It's perfectly safe, just not something most people voluntarily are comfortable with."

* * *

"Where's the Documentarian?" Dr. Cole asked. "Weatherby, wasn't it?" 

The Mission Director, Jack Stewart, cleared his throat. "He's uh… he's working from home."

"Working from home?" Dr. Cole asked. "Why in the verse would he miss this?"

Director Stewart looked uncomfortable. He leaned forward and whispered into Dr. Cole's ear.

Dr. Cole's face went from curious to surprised to horrified. "Dear God! Give that man some time off!"

Director Stewart shook his head. "Right now, being able to focus on work rather than… _other things_ is probably helping him to keep sane."

Dr. Cole nodded in painful sympathy.

"Now if you don't mind," Director Stewart grinned. "It's show time."

Dr. Cole stepped back to let the Director do his job.

"FRANK, status check," Director Stewart said loudly.

The frustration in Mr. Universe's voice was barely noticeable. Of all the systems in all the worlds, they created a very simple human interface for the field test. And for its limited purposes towards this mission and the need for human interaction, it was named Field Research Analysis and Navigational Knowledge. Or FRANK for short.

Mr. Universe blamed Harry.

"All systems go, Director," Mr. Universe replied.

"Commander Jackson," Director Stewart asked. "How are we looking?"

Harry reached over and slapped Jayne in the arm. "Quit fiddling with your helmet, _Beckford_." Harry put extra emphasis on his fellow cosmonaut's supposed name.

"It's itchy," Jayne whined.

"It's also _charming_," Harry insisted, "if you remember our earlier conversation."

Jayne stopped fidgeting and nodded from inside his uniform.

"Commander Jackson?" Director Stewart repeated in confusion.

"Director Stewart," Harry replied loudly. "We're locked and loaded, floating in the black, waiting on your word."

"Initiate level one," Director Stewart ordered happily.

"Initiate level one," Harry repeated.

"Level one initiated," River replied.

The entire small vessel began shaking back and forth.

"Standby level two," Director Stewart ordered.

"Standby level two," Harry repeated.

River grinned beneath her charmed helmet. "Level two, standing by."

"On my mark," Director Stewart anxiously began. "Five… Four… Three… Two… One… Engage."

"Engage," Harry repeated as the mysterious new technology began to fire. "Engage Mackenzie, engage." The vibrations were getting stronger and louder as even the shuttle chairs were shaking violently.

"_Gos se! Gos se!_" Jayne began chanting as he gripped the sides of his chair.

"Engaging, Commander," River responded before insubordinately adding, "Quit whining like a baby."

"Look, if you're gonna," Harry began before finishing by screaming, "YEE-HAW!"

Screams and shrieks from the rest of the five man crew were the last bits of audio the command center heard as the ship disappeared in two crisscrossed exploding arcs of light.

Dr. Cole looked at the slightly baffled Director. "Did Jackson and Mackenzie seem a bit… _off_ to you?"

Director Stewart nodded, uncertainly adding, "I think Beckford may have been crying."

The small spacecraft Firenze's hyperdrive engine fully fired and its journey back to the planet Earth-That-Was had begun.


	23. CHAPTER TWENTY TWO: The Voyage Home

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO – The Voyage Home**

"Is that normal? Is that normal? Please tell me that's normal!" Jayne called out frantically.

"Frank," Harry asked. "Are we transmitting?"

"You're safe," Mr. Universe replied. "I'm regulating all communication in and out, though it wouldn't matter much as everything is garbled until we stabilize."

"Is that normal!" Jayne yelled, still shaking.

"Give it a second," River replied to her frightened cosmonaut. The ship's trembling was getting worse and even louder. "I hope," she quietly added.

Just when it seemed like the Firenze was going to crack in half, everything stilled and became so perfectly smooth that it felt like they weren't even moving.

"There we go," River explained. "We've stabilized. Transmissions too."

Harry exhaled the breath he'd been holding in while Jayne was praising the almighty.

Antonio whimpered in fear and explained. "This is normal. Once a balance is reached the hyperdrive becomes smooth enough that you don't even realize you're moving."

"You might want to look into trying to make that shake a little less," Mal suggested. "It's a bit on the bumpy side."

Antonio rolled his eyes relaxing as the ship continued to run smoothly. "Yes, thank you. I'll be sure to note your suggestion."

"You doing okay, River?" Harry asked.

River nodded. "Piece of pie."

"So how's this going to work, Frank?" Harry asked as he flipped open his helmet showing his glamour protected face, rather than his glamour protected visor image of Commander Jackson's face.

"Harry," Mr. Universe sighed. "I'm getting called FRANK by the control booth enough as it is. Can't you at least call me Mr. Universe for the duration of this trip? It's not like I'm going to forget that name."

Harry agreed, not particularly wanting to frustrate the AI he relied so heavily on. "Can do, Mr. U. So how's this going to work?"

Mr. Universe figured that was an improvement and took it as a small victory. "Periodically we need to send control waves and bursts of information. Because of the speeds we're traveling at, the delay is way too much to try and keep continuous observation going, and receiving anything back from them takes three times as long to get here as it does for our messages to reach them."

Harry looked over at Mal. "Does that make sense to you?"

Antonio flipped his visor up. "Of course it makes perfect sense when you factor in the-"

"Not you," Harry interrupted. "You're speaking science or geek or nerd… I'm asking normal folk."

Mal held back a smirk and shrugged. "I prefer not to think about it unless I need to. If Mr. Universe says that's how it works, he's probably right."

"I am," Mr. Universe's voice answered. "And I can fake a lot of the missives heading back, but some of them we will need you to actually respond to. Oh, hang on, incoming… and it seems Antonio, you just got a raise."

"Really?" Antonio said looking up in surprise.

"Mmm-hmm. Dr. Cole called you at home. The shockwaves shattered the first kidney stone, but they had to push back shattering the second because of complications from too much blood in your urine. He passed along your well wishes to the directors and they all agreed to bump your salary fifteen percent," Mr. Universe explained. "It's also why you keep wheezing in pain and crying like a baby when they call."

"Nice," Antonio agreed unconcerned at sounding like a wuss.

"I'm going to give them a few minutes and send back notice that most of the monitoring devices went belly-up, but everything critical is running smoothly. That schedule for check-ins is just plain ridiculous."

"Hey now," Antonio argued. "This is a very critical field test. We need to monitor-"

"Antonio," Harry tiredly interrupted.

Antonio suddenly remembered he wasn't at the usual office and looked a bit ashamed. "Oh right."

Harry unbuckled himself and got up to one of the windows to look out. "Wow," Harry exhaled. "The nearest stars look like dashes."

Jayne unbuckled and went to the little window on the other side. "We are moving, aren't we?" He rhetorically asked.

Harry turned to River who was monitoring the console and keeping her hands and feet on the controls. "You going to be okay for a little while?"

River nodded. "Yeah, go ahead and un-bead everyone."

"Don't worry, you won't have to fly the whole way," Harry assured her. "Maybe if Antonio can write out those index cards…"

Antonio rolled his eyes. "I've already written the manual. Just read that."

"It's over 600 pages," Jayne reminded thinking of Harry's eyes bugging out when he saw the operator's manual.

"Well it's a complicated new technology," Antonio argued. "It's not quite as simple as a _magic_ carpet ride."

"_Hmmph_," Harry haughtily snapped as he walked back through the narrow hallway towards the shelves that pass for bunk beds. "You don't even know how many charms are needed to make a proper illegal magic carpet."

Antonio turned towards Mal curiously. "Magic carpets are real?"

"Illegal too," Mal patronizingly answered. "Everyone knows that."

Antonio still wasn't quite sure how seriously to take these people.

Harry carefully set the first bead down and transfigured it back into a slightly disoriented Zoe. He handed her a bottle of water and helped her up. He repeated the process with Inara and then Kaylee.

"And I guess that's everybody," Harry stated with a grin and turned around.

"Harry," Kaylee said warningly.

Harry turned to Kaylee innocently. "Yes?"

"Aren't we forgetting someone?"

"Forgetting?" Harry considered. "Nope, I don't think we're _forgetting_ anyone."

"You know we were aware of what was going around us," Inara pointed out. "Even if I did feel very… _bead-like_."

"That's true," Harry replied. "As long as your consciousness is conscious."

"What did you do?" Kaylee asked fighting a grin.

Harry shrugged. "I never tried stunning a bead before."

"Harry," Kaylee gave up fighting her grin and was chuckling at her boyfriend's predicament.

"He was itchy. I didn't want him making a scene."

"He's a bead," Zoe stated making it quite clear she was more amused than anything else.

"A twitchy scene-causing bead," Harry argued with narrowed eyes.

"Change him back," River's voice called out loudly from the front of the little ship.

Harry grumbled and saw the three ladies were snickering at him. Harry set the last white bead down, making sure the five dark tinted beads were undisturbed. He released the transfiguration and it revealed an unconscious Simon. He _ennervated_ the man and handed him a water bottle.

"What… what happened?" Simon asked worriedly. "You knocked me out."

"I'm sorry Simon," Harry solemnly admitted and sniffled. "River didn't make it-"

"I'm not dead!" River called out from the front.

"You're not fun either!" Harry called back, helping Simon to his feet.

Kaylee wiggled past Harry in the narrow hall to reach her boyfriend.

Simon didn't sense the usual slight vibration and comforting hum of engines burning. "Are we moving?"

"Yup," Harry admitted. "Smooth, isn't she?"

Zoe nodded. "A bit eerie."

Harry, Simon, and the three ladies walked up towards the front. The four former beads were checking out the interior of the Firenze and peeking out the windows, trying to maneuver their way around the cramped little ship.

"So," Jayne asked drawing out the word longer than was necessary. "Anyone bring a deck of cards?"

* * *

Three weeks on a ship built for five meant the group of nine had an awful lot of time to kill and not a whole lot of personal space. 

Harry's knapsack ensured they had plenty of space for all the things they wanted to bring. They brought a lot of fruit, extra beverages, and there was always plenty of ham cubes for anyone who wanted them. The freeze dried protein packs the Alliance had provided for the crew were found to be extremely bland. Luckily, Harry was quite capable of transfiguring both the ham cubes and the protein packs into much more appetizing meals that tasted good and provided them with the nutrients their bodies needed.

Simon was still pouting a bit that he had been turned into a bead while River got to pretend to be Mackenzie, the pilot for this mission. But nobody else could have whipped through and comprehended the massive operator's manual for the ship. Mal and Jayne were there to provide the backup in case things got dodgy while the others were beads. So when the need arose for River to not be a bead, it came down to either Simon or Antonio taking River's place on Harry's faux necklace. Simon felt a bit betrayed when everyone including River and Kaylee agreed Antonio would be more of an asset than he would.

Mal and Harry took great joy in prodding an answer out of Simon to his seemingly impossible decision. It had obviously been painful for Simon, but when forced to make a choice, he decided to bite the bullet and share a bed with Harry. His stomach was in knots imagining either his sister or girlfriend crammed into the tiny twin bed sized shelf. So he made the only decision he could.

Simon felt more relief than chagrin when Kaylee pointed out that not everyone had to sleep at the same time. And that it would be especially unsafe if they did. Simon had been so blinded by the difficulty of the situation that he never realized it was entirely fabricated for the others' amusement. Although he should have caught on when his long diatribe about sacrifice was only met with snickers and giggling.

Simon and Antonio had actually hit it off very well and were fast becoming friends. Antonio had a couple of college buddies who'd gone on to attend the same MedAcad on Osiris that Simon was an alumnus of. It certainly didn't hurt that they shared vaguely similar opinions of Harry either.

River spent the majority of the time in the pilot's chair monitoring the screens as they went. Everyone else had shifts in that role, but anything out of the ordinary and they'd bug River, or if she was asleep then Harry. Harry would decide whether they needed River's expertise, and if so then the responsibility of waking the somewhat snippy young woman fell to him too.

Harry spelled his copy of _Hogwarts, A History_ so that everyone could read it. He got a kick out of the _oohs_ and _ahhs_ they made at spotting the moving wizarding pictures for the first time. _A Biography of Harry Potter_ was also making the rounds, with the particularly embarrassing passages referring to honeymoons and wedding nights getting read aloud for everyone's benefit.

Far and away the most popular item on the entire trip though was the pensieve. Mal took over the pilot's seat upon Inara and Kaylee's urging, freeing River to join the three other ladies for a tear-filled trip down memory lane. They started by viewing Zoe's memory of her wedding day. Harry got smacked every time he chuckled at the ruffles in Wash's tux but everyone enjoyed how uncomfortable Mal looked in a suit. Harry was frequently required to conjure more tissues despite still struggling with the idea that tears are a good thing.

They came out of the pensieve to momentarily refresh themselves and then were treated to the memory of Harry's wedding, along with a few subsequent honeymoons. The memories of his wife garnered more laughs than tears and many questions were asked about wizarding customs and life. They spent several hours straight in the pensieve, but the enigma that was Harry Potter made an awful lot more sense to all four of the women as they got a chance to learn about Mrs. Luna Potter.

Inara feared for Kaylee when she saw how much the young mechanic had appreciated Luna's unique choices in jewelry. Zoe had warmed just seeing the joy in a younger Harry's eyes and realized how little he had changed to become the man he was today. River on the other hand, had never felt more normal in her life. It was a decidedly curious feeling and she wasn't sure if she liked it.

As soon as Harry had all his memories deposited back into his head from the emotionally exhausting long afternoon, he got up to stretch his legs and check on the four men sitting up in front of the Firenze.

"Are we there yet?" Harry asked cheekily.

"Harry!" Mal greeted happily. "You just volunteered for the next shift."

Harry sighed but nodded. "Give me a few minutes to wake up my extremities and I'll take your spot."

Harry was high-stepping, flexing his arms and hands, stretching his body after having spent so long lying down. He had been forced to position himself on the floor so that everyone would be in contact with him and follow him into the pensieve. After several hours in that same position, Harry was beginning to feel his age.

"Lordy," Harry explained to the half-awake guys. "I feel like I've been to a chick flick movie marathon."

"A what?" Jayne asked.

Harry shook his head. "Never mind, just think I'm a bit more in touch with my feminine side than I have been in a while."

"Oh yeah?" Mal asked without looking up. "I could go for a nice testosterone-filled boys' turn in the bowl, if you're up for it later."

Harry's eyes perked up excitedly. "I think I've had my fill of reminiscing and sharing for a little while, but I'm definitely game for tomorrow."

"You have some action-packed memories to show us?" Antonio asked hopefully.

Harry shrugged with a grin. "A few-"

"Are you kidding?" Jayne interrupted with a hungry grin. "You have got to see Quidditch! If that don't get your heart racing, nothin' will."

"I was wondering something, Harry," Simon asked honestly. "You said you'd considered playing more Quidditch, but you showed us the only World Cup you played in. The biography said something about an accident, but didn't mention much in the way of details."

"Ahh," Harry nodded and tapped Mal on the shoulder. "Yeah, Luna knew she shouldn't include too many details of that particular incident."

Mal got up and stretched his legs, wiggling past Harry who took over the pilot's seat. "Thanks Harry," Mal said as he stood to the side wanting to hear this explanation.

"Let me think here," Harry explained, keeping one eye on the screen in front of him. "I'd turned eighteen a few weeks before I played and England won the cup, so I guess that means it was my… twentieth birthday. Some pureblood supremacy terrorists who hadn't been caught when the Death Eaters were dissolved chose to crash a little surprise party some friends were throwing for me."

"Yeah, I remember that," Mal recalled. "Something about power sapping potions, wasn't it?"

Harry looked over at Mal having never seen the Captain reading the biography and unaware he'd been all that curious. "That's right, yeah. I doubt they expected to succeed, they just wanted to inspire terror and to try and prove that they could attack anyone at anytime."

"_Doubt they expected to succeed?_" Antonio asked having read that section in the book. "Weren't most of the guests unconscious when you were attacked?"

Harry shrugged keeping his eyes on the screen. "Yeah, I suppose. Anyways, it was more a lucky shot that they hit me with, just as I was subduing the last of them. But the short of it is that a couple of spells merged and managed to shatter and explode my glasses. Unfortunately this was while I was wearing them."

"Ooh," Jayne winced. "That don't sound good."

Harry agreed. "Yeah, it actually looked a lot worse than it felt, but I did have to wake a couple of friends who were greeted by the sight of me bleeding profusely from the eyes. I cast a couple of calming charms on them before the power sapping caught up with me and I passed out from exhaustion."

"This also happens to be when my unique defensive physiological habits first started showing up," Harry explained. "They may have surfaced before then, we just hadn't had an incident in which they intervened. Basically what happened was that my eyes were severely damaged. And I wasn't going to be waking up too soon. The healers leant me forward and poured a potion down my throat that would repair most of the damage to my eyes. And _that_ is when my magic got in the way, rejecting the potion's effects."

"Your magic got in the way?" Antonio asked in confusion.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, it did. My magic seems to take any outside force or stimulus that tries to affect me in a certain way, and usually prevents it. As Dr. Tam discovered when he gave me some drugs to keep me sedated and my magic responded by waking me up. The few times it hasn't interfered are when I've been _really_ bad off. And in this case, my magic knew the potion hadn't been willfully consumed. Hence the attempts towards healing my eyes were prevented."

"That doesn't sound good," Simon winced, imagining a horrific image.

"It wasn't all that bad, though," Harry clarified, "because my magic saw the problem that the healers were trying to fix. It decided to take up the job of healing my eyes on its own, as shortly after I had sweat out all residue of ocular potion, my eyes burnt themselves up in a pretty impressive light show. None of the healers could explain it, and probably luckily for them, they didn't try to intervene. Eventually the magic began healing, crafting, creating, or somehow just conjuring me a new pair of working eyes. It also went to the trouble of fixing all of the imperfections like my nearsightedness. My vision had improved to even better than it had been with my glasses. The other added effect was that my eyes were somewhat magical in nature from then on."

"Not all wizards' magic counteracts things like that, do they?" Mal asked curiously wondering why the healers would have bothered.

Harry shook his hand from side to side. "Yes and no. Yes, in that to a degree a wizard's magic heals them automatically, tries to protect itself, and delays effects of things like aging, but not quite on the scale that my magic does. Some considered it a product of my upbringing, others an affect of the volume of magic I possess. Most of the time, the strongest wizards avoided major injuries for this reason. I just have a habit of pushing myself a bit more than may be healthy."

"So what does that 'magical in nature' mean? You've got magical eyes?" Antonio asked uncertainly.

Harry nodded. "Yup. Nothing like I can cast magic through my eyes, or they can change shape or color, see in the dark or anything fun like that, not for lack of trying though." Harry finished in a quiet mumble. He continued in a normal voice, "Just that I can sort of recognize the presence of magic in things. Not as strong as an actual gift for magical sight, but slightly more than just instinct. And I can't turn the effect off any more than you all could turn off your ability to perceive the color red."

"You going somewhere towards Quidditch with this?" Jayne asked only half following Harry's explanation.

"Yes, Jayne, because the change meant I didn't need glasses anymore and my Quidditch career was over," Harry said sadly. He recalled with a roll of his eyes, "And Viktor was heart-broken."

"Viktor?" Mal asked.

"Viktor Krum, the best seeker of my generation," Harry admitted. "And coincidentally, he was the one I beat in that World Cup match you all saw. He never got the chance to beat me, and he felt as cheated by the whole situation as I did. He may have cried come to think of it."

"I don't get it," Jayne stated. "Why'd not having to wear your glasses anymore mean you couldn't play Quidditch?"

"It's the snitch," Harry explained. "The tiny magical ball seekers have to locate and catch? Even when my eyes couldn't see it, I could sense the flutter of magic it had. So I pretty much always knew where it was even if I couldn't exactly see it. I had some friends work on a way around it, making a non-magical snitch, tried using an actual golden snidget, though that was slightly illegal. Nothing worked. So I was forced into early retirement from the sport. We never told people the real reason I stopped playing, though I did explain it to Viktor. He and I ended up getting together in the off-season and having some pretty fun broom races since snitch hunts were pointless."

"Just races?" Jayne asked in disappointment.

Harry grinned. "Well, we'd usually start by sneaking up on a dragon and yanking her tail, so we'd have something to be racing from, but yeah. Loser was whoever got burnt the most. Viktor always was a bit of an adrenaline junkie."

"Dragons?" Jayne perked up. "Are those like dragon _dragons_?"

"Massive flying reptilian beasts that breathe fire and have a very nasty disposition, yup." Harry admitted. "Not to mention a natural resistance to most all spells, sharp claws, spiked tails they like to smack people with, that kind of thing."

"Sweet," Jayne replied while all the other guys looked intrigued.

"I'll show you guys what dragons are like, but I want to see some of your memories too," Harry answered. "It's a bit boring when the conversation keeps coming back to me."

"Sounds like a plan, Harry," Mal answered. "But I think I'm ready for a bite to eat and a nap."

"Enjoy," Harry answered and saw most of the guys were getting up to follow Mal. "Simon, you got a second?"

Simon waved Antonio on and took the seat near the front by Harry. "Something the matter?"

Harry looked over his shoulder and cast a small silencing charm. "No not really, just with getting ready for this little journey I haven't had the opportunity to talk to you about your sister." Harry turned towards Simon and added, "And Kevin."

"Why? What's wrong?" Simon asked resisting the urge to go check on her.

"Nothing," Harry assured him immediately. "Relax. There's not a lot of privacy around here and I don't think River's personal life is everyone's business."

"Did you ask her about him?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. Just tried to yank him from her mind. You remember when she got all snippy and punched me after we got back from Antonio's?"

Simon answered by chuckling with a bright smile.

"Right," Harry said taking no offense at Simon's obvious enjoyment. "Anyways, that was the first time I was trying to bring him up. Her defensive nature in refusing to discuss it afterwards seemed more telling than what I saw."

"What did you see?" Simon asked curiously.

Harry shrugged. "Not a lot. Visually, he never showed up after she was a small child, but aurally, he talked with her a fair amount."

Simon blinked in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I think Kevin died and hung around as a ghost," Harry turned to look at Simon. "River was clearly capable of hearing him, perhaps that's just the reading picking up on his broadcast thoughts, but she was incapable of seeing him. If he is a ghost, he can make himself visible, and from their conversations I can tell he would have been visible to her if he could have."

"Huh?"

"It's the same thing I've been saying all along. River's sort of a part-witch, she simply has to be. And I'm pretty sure Kevin was at a minimum sort of a part-wizard." Harry pondered aloud. "I really don't know if I could see Kevin or not but I certainly wouldn't be able to in her memories. Maybe you need to be a full-on wizard or witch to see a ghost. Or maybe Kevin wasn't enough of a wizard to turn into a proper ghost. We wouldn't know unless I actually came across him."

Simon winced remembering how things had been the last time he'd spoken to his parents. "You want to go to our childhood home?"

Harry shrugged. "I get the feeling neither River nor you are exactly jumping to reconcile with your folks."

"No, not particularly," Simon admitted not wanting to think about them.

"Then don't sweat it," Harry replied. "But if I run out of leads to follow, I'm keeping it on my list. Just consider it to be at the bottom."

"I appreciate that Harry," Simon sighed and answered. "Whenever I think about their negligence towards River and how my father treated me…"

"Yeah," Harry grimaced. "I know. Don't sweat it. River's well aware of how you feel about them and frankly I think she's convinced herself that she'd be perfectly content never seeing them ever again as well. Having grown up an orphan with people who hated me, I doubt I could be too objective, but I know not all parents are as pleasant as… well, the Cobbs for instance."

Simon snickered.

"Oh laughing, are we?" Harry grinned. "I think someone needs to wear their discerningly shrewd hat a bit more often."

Simon gulped, having forgotten about that monstrosity.

Harry snickered back at him. "I was also wondering if you'd been able to locate any new genes that were discovered around 2150? Or anything on that Dr. Holmes?"

Simon snapped his fingers. "I did! Let me grab my satchel." Simon jumped up and went back towards the tiny shelf he'd been sharing with his girlfriend.

He returned and set it down, pulling out one of his digital medical encyclopedias. He began to quickly search through some resource indexes while Harry watched him out of the corner of his eye.

"Ah-ha!" Simon announced victoriously. "Here it is. _In 2155 Dr. Gregory Holmes and Dr. Harry Fullerton discovered what is now known as the M gene._"

"M gene?" Harry grinned. "Subtle."

"_Its purpose is unknown_," Simon continued reading aloud. "_But as published in Dr. Fullerton's paper 'Theorization on the M Gene,' it is possible this particular piece of genetic code may tend to make subjects more likely to cross-dress, given the vast number of males testing positive who prefer to wear dresses._"

Harry burst out laughing while keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Yes," Simon agreed. "I thought you might appreciate that."

"That Dr. Fullerton was a pretty famous wizard after my time. He was actually the last Headmaster of Hogwarts and shut the school down. I see he was every bit as eccentric as many of the Headmasters before him." Harry chuckled to himself.

"If I recall you held the position for a decade," Simon pointed out.

Harry nodded. "Yeah… it was great getting to stay in the castle and seeing all the children."

"Why'd you quit after only a decade?" Simon asked.

Harry groaned. "Two reasons: the paperwork and the politics. Drove me batty, and I think my wife and myself had been doing an admirable job of that before I ever took the position."

"Also," Simon noted. "I downloaded the structures so that a simple blood test can show us the presence of a dominant, a recessive, or an absent M gene."

"Really?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Really," Simon agreed, digging back into his satchel. He pulled out his favorite toy, the spiffy top of the line analyzer and sat it on the lip of the wall next to him. He looked over at Harry with a grin. "Want to try it out?"

"Sure," Harry agreed, sticking his arm out allowing Simon to draw a little blood. Simon repeated the process on himself and stuck both samples into his machine.

Harry was watching Simon's joy and chuckled. "You really like that thing, don't you?"

Simon nodded and couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "I never had the funds to improve on the medical bay before, but I'd wanted one of these for years."

Harry shook his head, while Simon was practically bouncing in his chair. The machine started to print out the smaller report and Simon happily examined the first one. He gleefully announced, "Mr. Potter, you have tested positive for the dominant M gene." He pulled out the second report and continued. "And I have tested…" Simon's face dropped and turned towards Harry in confusion. "Positive?"

Harry couldn't take it and was laughing at the sudden and drastic change in Simon's mood.

"That can't be right," Simon mumbled. "Hang on."

"For the dominant or recessive gene?" Harry asked while Simon was frantically checking through his process.

"The dominant," Simon answered absent-mindedly. He double-checked all his settings and was mumbling to himself.

Harry didn't know what to make of this, but he found Simon's reaction too amusing to be upset right now.

"You think maybe this M gene isn't the magical one?" Simon wondered.

"According to _Hogwarts, A History_," Harry began, imagining his school years with Hermione. "It was around 2150 that the wizard Harry Fullerton worked with a muggle doctor named Holmes to discover the magical gene. So yeah… the M gene is probably that one. You sure you did your test right?"

Simon snapped angrily, "Yes, I'm sure."

Harry knew he shouldn't but had to laugh again. He muttered quietly but made sure Simon could hear him, "Freak."

Simon grumbled to himself and went back towards the beds to test the others.

Harry stayed in the pilot's chair watching the screens and began to wonder what this might mean. He knew there had been people claiming that magic was weakening. The pureblood supremacists always blamed it on the muggles diluting the magic in their blood. But even those less fanatical spoke of how much more powerful wizards were in the past. Some argued it was the dependency on wands that was the root of the problem. Other conspiracy theorists believed there was an evil sect draining the magic out of everyone.

Most of those arguments Harry mused seemed to take a back seat though by the twentieth century. First Albus Dumbledore, then Tom Riddle, and then Harry all appeared as evidence that magic wasn't weakening in the slightest. Albus had been praised as the most powerful wizard in several centuries, and even he couldn't measure up to Tom. Harry knew he couldn't measure up to Tom either, but he figured he could give Albus a run for his money. Harry had to reconsider the argument though as he realized none of the three of them had ever managed to reproduce. Could it really be that just a few centuries later magic had weakened so much as to not even be noticeable?

Harry shook his head finding that unlikely, despite being unable to prove otherwise. Harry's musings were interrupted as Simon and River came back up to the front carrying seven vials of blood.

Simon could test as many as twelve samples at a time and stuck them all into his toy. He was impatiently tapping his foot while River smiled brightly at Harry. "My brother's a wizard."

Harry's laughter came back again, simply at the sight of Simon's exasperation.

The reports began spitting out and Simon was looking over the results incredulously. "I don't believe it."

"Let me guess," Harry interrupted. "River and Antonio are positive for the dominant gene, and everyone else tested negative."

Simon sighed and looked over at Harry. "Yes. How'd you know?"

"If you tested positive," River rolled her eyes at her brother. "It seems likely I would. And Antonio was the descendent in charge of Harry's ring. That means the M gene was probably passed down."

"Not to mention River's magical gifts," Harry said. "That most accept as simply reading."

Simon saw how calmly his sister and Harry were both taking the news. He just sat there in consternation for a minute before asking, "So what does this mean?"

River had come to the obvious conclusion right away, but didn't want to say it out loud.

Harry could see River was thinking the same thing he was. He reluctantly admitted, "It could mean I'm not going to find any wizards or witches because they're all around me. They're just not magical."

Simon saw that it pained Harry to say that and chose to stay silent.

"What I don't know," Harry added, "is how that may have happened. How wizards and witches seem to have lost their magic." Harry refused to believe what logic was telling him. He knew he shouldn't jump to conclusions until they, at the very least, had checked out his home planet. He looked up at River for a moment and started to open his mouth.

River just nodded. "Go ahead."

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat and said thanks, as he got up and left the flying to River. Harry saw all five beds were in use and went back to the Commander's chair he'd been assigned at takeoff. He waved his hand creating a solid shield that blocked out all light and sound. Harry lay back needing some privacy and alone time to think this over.

* * *

"Book of Jayne." 

"What?" Antonio asked perking his head up.

"Don't mind him any," Kaylee said with a grin.

"Number something plus four," Jayne dictated as he slowly began to write.

"What's he doing?" Antonio whispered to Kaylee while watching Jayne's face scrunch in determination.

"We… are… only…" Jayne continued ignoring the hushed conversation near him.

"He's chronicling the third coming of Jesus Christ," Kaylee explained with a grin.

"Two… days… away…"

"What?" Antonio asked in confusion.

"From… Earth… That… Was." Jayne finished with decision.

"You know like the gospel according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, John?" Kaylee nodded. "Well this is a new one… of Jayne."

"Harry's… been…" Jayne paused and was tapping his lip with his pencil.

"But why's he talking out loud?" Antonio asked watching the scene in apprehension.

"Bummed… out… cuz…"

Kaylee shrugged. "It helps him write."

"Simon's… a… freak… too."

Kaylee rolled her eyes. "He's not a freak."

"Shush!" Jayne snapped. "This ain't the book of Kaylee."

"Hmm," Kaylee considered the merits of such an endeavor.

"I… wish… I… was… a… freak."

Antonio somehow never imagined this scholarly side to Jayne. He whispered to Kaylee, "So when's he expecting Jesus?"

"Oh no," Kaylee answered. "That's Harry."

"I… would… blow…"

Antonio gulped and shook his head thinking it was time to leave. "Right."

"Up… so… many… things…"

Kaylee rolled her eyes and went back to her nap.

"They'd… have… to… call… me…" Jayne paused and then smiled brightly finishing, "The Jayne."

* * *

Harry seemed more than a little somber for the next several days. He did his best not to assume the worst, that the Earth-That-Was may very well be an uninhabitable wasteland, and that he was the last magical person in the verse. His instincts and his gut told him that it wasn't true, but his mind feared that may just be hopeful thinking. 

Harry forced a smile and relived a number of his more exciting memories with the guys. He and Jayne had been pleased to discover that Simon and Antonio both had a fear of snakes. After the memory of the Chamber of Secrets, it seemed just about everyone had a fear of massive fifty foot long snakes.

Harry's mood finally improved one day when Zoe had pulled him aside.

"Harry," Zoe began. "You know you're bringing everyone down."

Harry sighed. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to."

"You remember what you told Mal?" Zoe inquired. "About me?"

Harry arched an eyebrow. "I remember a few things."

Zoe bit back her urge to fish for details and continued, "About how I was stuck missing that balance in my life that Wash gave me?"

"He told you that?"

Zoe nodded. "And I think you're doing the same."

"Hmm?" Harry asked in slight confusion.

"I've seen the memories of Luna," Zoe continued. "And I remember some of the more… peculiar passages in your biography."

Harry nodded.

"For as long as I've known you, you've provided that balance on your own, but not lately."

"What do you mean?"

"All of your belief and understandings about magical things," Zoe explained. "To me, they all seem impossible. And even things that are unlikely or improbable, you have continued faith in them." Zoe paused and saw Harry was catching on. "Your wife seemed to believe in things that everyone else seemed to think were impossible."

Harry smiled genuinely and nodded. "You know why she did that?"

Zoe shook her head.

"It was because she knew with a certainty that no one knew everything. And even pretending that you did was no fun."

Zoe smiled back warmly.

"She took great joy in having faith, especially in things that couldn't be proven wrong. Like the existence of creatures no one had ever seen before. Since you can never prove they're not real, just hope and maybe one day prove that they are."

"Exactly," Zoe nodded fervently. "So why are you so dead set on believing that you're the last magical wizard?"

Harry stopped and realized that he had been doing exactly that.

"Luna would have never let your attitude get this pessimistic," Zoe continued. "It serves no purpose. Even if we don't find anything on Earth, believing and hoping that there are others out there, more answers out there… believing in that and you have everything you need in life."

Harry closed his eyes and shook his head. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "She would be pretty disappointed in me right now."

"Maybe," Zoe said skeptically. "But I'm sure she'd be forgiving if you'd just start looking on the bright side. This moping forced-smile version of Harry is not the same one I met just a few months ago."

"You're right," Harry admitted. "Magic isn't something that's logical or something that makes sense. And it's even more wonderful for that very reason."

Zoe scooted closer and gave Harry a tender hug. She looked up at him with doe-like eyes, "Now can you please make us some doughnuts?"

Harry laughed and conjured the pink box full of them.

"Success!" Zoe called out loudly.

Inara and Kaylee's heads popped over the side of the upper inset bed they'd been hiding on.

Harry chuckled at their hungry eyes and lifted the box of doughnuts closer to them. "You know when I first made these it was on the advice of my wife from many years ago."

"Mmm?" Inara asked with her mouth full.

Harry nodded, "Her father was the editor of _The Quibbler_, a wizarding newspaper of sorts. And there was this one guy on staff who was a bitter, unpleasant curmudgeon. No one much liked him and he never got his work done on time. I asked why they didn't fire him and she told me he brought the doughnuts on Fridays." Harry shook his head. "They both looked at me like I was crazy when I asked why that mattered. Luna exasperatedly explained to me that you _never_ fire the person who brings the office doughnuts."

Inara and Kaylee shared a look and nodded in complete and total agreement.

"River said nearly the same thing," Harry added in remembrance.

"Smart girl," Zoe said with a grin.

"Cute too," Kaylee added.

"Yeah," Harry nodded and agreed. "Wait, were you talking about Luna or River?"

All three girls were smiling and Inara just added, "Good doughnuts."

Harry rolled his eyes, refusing to rise to their baiting. "Let's go share these _good doughnuts_ with the others."

* * *

"River?" Mr. Universe's voice broke through the anxious excitement at the front of the ship. 

River tilted her chin up defiantly, acting as if she didn't hear him.

Mr. Universe sighed. "Mackenzie?"

"Yes FRANK?" River answered back.

"I said I was sorry," Mr. Universe complained. "But we had to send control a message and we needed the pilot's expertise."

"FRANK," River replied haughtily. "I think we should keep our relationship strictly professional."

"Oh come on," Mr. Universe whined. "You know how much time you've spent around Harry, and how his mere existence warps your perception of the verse."

River seemed to be relaxing slightly.

"Acceptable behavior or defining the lines between right and wrong just blur and shift in ways that seem to make sense at the time," Mr. Universe explained, noticing River was warming up. "It's his fault. You know that's nothing I would have ever thought of if he hadn't suggested it."

"I didn't suggest _that_," Harry argued.

"If anyone could dumb down an artificial intelligence," River admitted. "It would be him."

"Exactly," Mr. Universe agreed. "Wait… what?"

River saw Harry was pouting. "It's okay, Mr. U. I forgive you. Just don't let it happen again."

"Promise," Mr. Universe agreed beginning to like that shortened version of his name. "If you ever fall asleep on the toilet again, you have my word, I will not wake you by turning the cold water shower faucets on. Nor will I angle them towards you."

"Thank you," River replied, feeling a little uneasy at the specifics in the promise made. "Now what can I do for you?"

"You've got about three minutes before you need to disengage the hyperdrive," Mr. Universe happily declared. "We're almost there."

"How's it look, Mr. U?" Harry asked excitedly from his seat.

"Can't tell," Mr. Universe answered. "When we're moving at these speeds, we can't scan. And we're not even close enough to scan anyways."

"Alright, everyone," River bellowed to the other eight cosmonauts all crammed into the front of the ship. "It's about to get bumpy, so those of you with chairs strap yourselves in. Those of you without… umm… Harry?"

"Get comfy quick," Harry answered sharply. "I'll cast sticking charms on you, so you don't start flying around too much."

"It's not that bad, is it?" Simon said noticing the five people with chairs were hurriedly strapping themselves in. He began to worry when he noticed Jayne had started to pray.

"Make yourself comfortable on Kaylee's lap, Doc," Harry ordered while securing Inara and Zoe into place on either side of Mal. Simon shifted until he wasn't crushing his girlfriend and Harry spelled his arms and rear to the wall.

"Alright River, we're good," Harry said. "Anytime you're ready."

"Hold onto your butts," River mumbled, disengaging the hyperdrive power source.

The ship began to vibrate a little, rattling the loose items that they'd neglected to pack up.

"This isn't too bad," Simon commented, unaware he was partially suffocating his girlfriend.

"Simon," Kaylee struggled to say, "You're-"

A loud explosion off to the side followed by heavy rattling continued. But it had been enough to startle the crew members into shrieks of fear and excitement.

Simon apologized to his girlfriend noticing her duress, when another explosion sounded, following by more thumping sounds and convulsions. Simon's apology was cut off by his own feminine shriek.

The panic seemed to be subsiding as the time between the rattling thump sounds seemed to be growing, and the Firenze slowed down significantly. The violent shaking was reduced to just a numbing rumble, as opposed the constantly increasing actions they had endured when first engaging the experimental engine.

"Whew," River said, not quite liking the let down of this as much as the crescendo they experienced at the start of the trip. "The hyperdrive is cooling, standard engines are purring, just waiting for us to slow down, and we should be humming like Serenity."

Jayne let out the breath he'd been holding in. "That wasn't so bad."

One last loud pop of explosion startled a few more yelps out as the ride finally smoothed out.

"Gorramit Harry," Jayne whined, clutching his heart.

"Why do I keep getting blamed for these?" Harry said canceling all the sticking charms he'd cast. Harry saw the looks he received in answer and shook his head. "Never mind. How we looking, River?"

"About five minutes from atmo," River estimated. "Earth-That-Was should be visible through the port side window."

"I wanna see!" Jayne called out leaping from his chair. He was looking around, trying to spot it. "Is it the nearest one?"

"Yup," River answered looking down at her console.

"How's she looking?" Harry asked.

Jayne turned back to look at Harry. "She's really… orange."

"Orange?" Harry asked, briefly imagining a Chudley Cannons colored planet. "Mr. U? Can you tell anything yet?"

Mr. Universe seemed reticent but answered, "So far it looks like it's pretty much what the reports all said. Can't be certain until we're inside the atmosphere."

"You sure these calculations are right for where we're headed?" River asked.

"Yeah," Mr. Universe answered. "That'll take us to north-central Scotland, or at least where it used to be."

"That's the orangest planet I ever seen," Jayne commented keeping his eyes glued on the small window.

"Hang on for a sec," River answered. "Descending in three, two, one."

There was a _fwoosh_ sound and a slight rock as the ship slid right through the thick atmosphere of the Earth-That-Was.

"Whoa!" Jayne gasped, as he caught himself and regained his balance. "Those are some dark clouds. Couldn't even see them until we were right on top of them."

Harry briefly imagined a wizarding illusion hiding the true nature of the planet.

"Those are normal," Mr. Universe explained. "The sky should probably lighten as we keep descending."

"Yeah, it is," Jayne replied. "And there's that orange surface."

"Alright," River explained. "I'm taking us down to about a thousand feet off the surface. You all keep your eyes peeled."

Kaylee and Antonio were huddled around Jayne trying to see out the tiny port side window while Mal, Zoe, and Inara crowded around the starboard side window.

Harry claimed an empty seat and could feel his magic responding to the planet. He was taking a deep breath as he sensed a familiarity he hadn't since before he'd woken up.

"So all we're supposed to see is just the ruins of a castle, right?" Jayne asked without looking back.

Harry exhaled a deep breath and answered, "That's right. If you trust the reports they constructed all sorts of new stronger wards to protect the castle, but I can't imagine they would have changed the muggle illusion charms."

"And that's why all we'd see is a castle in ruins," Mal repeated having had this conversation several times over the course of the last couple hours. "You know Harry, there's not really anything even recognizable around here. Looks like a bunch of orange rock. Some cliffs, some valleys that may have been a city, or may just be cliffs and valleys."

"If there's anything on this planet," Harry assured him. "This is the first and best place to look."

The others heard a slight sense of desperation in Harry's voice. They resumed their search across the lands in all directions uncertain why Harry wasn't joining them at a window.

Harry on the other hand felt like his stomach was in knots. He wondered if he was just nervous or if his magic's anticipation was getting frisky.

"River!" Zoe called out suddenly. "Veer right a little."

River responded and was watching her console as well. There were no signs of anything on her screens that stood out from anywhere else.

"Sorry," Zoe answered. "False alarm."

Harry felt like cursing Zoe for a moment there, when he was interrupted by Jayne's call. "I see it!"

"Where?" Kaylee asked before answering herself. "Oh! Oh!" Kaylee was hopping and pointing out the window.

Antonio was smiling back at Harry. "You can clearly see the ruins of an ancient castle."

"Eleven o'clock, about five thousand feet ahead?" River asked.

"Yeah!" Jayne answered happily. "That's it!"

"I got a lock," River answered. "Heading that way."

Harry got up from his seat and wiggled his way towards the window. Antonio and Kaylee parted to the sides to let Harry see.

Jayne inched away, letting Harry stand right in front of the window. "That's Hogwarts, ain't it?"

Harry saw it nearing and recognized one of his old homes away from home immediately. He sighed. "Yeah… that's it."

"So," Jayne eagerly asked. "What do you see?"

Harry was watching it approach wistfully. It pained him to say it out loud, but he answered softly, "The same thing you do."

Dead silence followed Harry's declaration as they all understood what that most likely meant. No one was quite sure what to say while River began to fly them closer to land near the castle.

Suddenly, all the lights on the Firenze flickered out, and the hum of the standard non-hyperdrive engine sputtered and died.

"Harry," River barked loudly with more than a touch of fear. A few sparks began to flash blinding her at the console. "I'm getting no response here at all. We're in free fall."

Harry suddenly realized what was happening and whipped his head away from the ruins of the castle. "Oh crap."


	24. CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: Survival of the

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE – Survival of the Fittest**

The Firenze was dead in the sky and dropping like a rock, seconds away from crashing into the ruins of Hogwarts Castle.

Harry had enough time to process the fact that no one in this galaxy knew enough about the ship to fix it, if it broke. He knew they were beyond the reach of any known source of help, if they got stranded. And he knew the outside conditions were unable to support or sustain any normal sort of life, if they were to abandon ship.

Harry felt his magic singing in response to the shot of adrenaline racing through his system. His eyes flashed a split second before he simply gave into his instincts and placed all his trust in the magic that had yet to fail him.

The cosmonauts on the Firenze were blinded by the sight of Harry apparating away with a soft pop and a brilliant burst of light.

Harry found himself standing on the rough barren ground, secured in Commander Jackson's spacesuit protected from the elements of the outside world. He thrust both of arms straight up into the air towards the falling spaceship. "_Arresto Momentum_!"

Harry's body shuddered as he felt his magic absorb the weight of the spacecraft. He fell to his knees, fighting the force of gravity pulling the heavy ship down. He trembled as he struggled to control the descent safely to the corroded steps of what was once the Entrance Hall.

The Firenze screeched in resistance as it slowed to barely a crawl about a foot off the ground. Harry let the ship fall and he collapsed onto his back in exhaustion. He heard the experimental ship creaking and rolling as it settled into place. Harry lay there panting and sweating profusely inside his protective spacesuit.

Harry closed his eyes and focused on his magic. His face split into a small smile as he felt his strength returning as the ambient magic flowed into his body. Ever since he woke up, expending himself like he just had would mean naptime and no heavy magic. But only now, being back on his home planet did Harry realize just what he'd been missing the last two years. He relished in the warmth and welcoming feeling of so much magic in the air.

As soon as Harry's breathing had returned to normal, he rolled over and was looking closely at what remained of the hallowed magical institution. The adrenaline in his system had completely worn off, but his need for answers outweighed any tiredness he felt. Harry stood up and began to walk into the jagged, rocky remains of the castle.

Harry bent down to pick up a piece of stone and could feel the heat through his specially designed suit. No matter how hot the rock felt in his hand, it still felt completely dead. Hogwarts had always been brimming with life, just its mere presence warmed children's and adult's hearts alike. But now it felt about as magical as Privet Drive.

Harry slowly worked his way through the unmoving ruins, ducking under broken archways, trailing his gloved hands over the piles of misshapen rock and rubble along the way. He stepped over some shiny areas that once had been suits of armor and were now melted into scrap. Harry reached his intended destination and found a blackened, dusty field of carnage. He looked up and saw the daylight of the grey sky shining through the skeletal remains of the former support structure. The Hogwarts library was a total loss.

Harry slumped to the floor under the complete realization that not even the strongest wards they could create were capable of saving Hogwarts from the destruction that claimed the rest of life on Earth-That-Was.

Harry wasn't sure how long he sat there, but he could hear the others coming. Every step they made was clear in the clunky, oversized spacesuits. Harry hadn't bothered to turn around as he just chucked the rock in his hand kicking up a black cloud of dust and debris where the Restricted Section had once been.

River reached out towards Harry's left wrist and depressed a large button. Harry could suddenly hear the muttering voices of all the others inside his helmet.

"Everyone okay?" Harry asked from the floor, still in a daze.

"Yeah," Mal answered. "Couple bruises but nothing to worry about."

"So this is Hogwarts, eh?" Jayne's voice echoed in everyone's helmets.

Harry turned his head and saw all eight of the others were standing behind him. "Yup," Harry answered as he got back up to his feet. "This… is Hogwarts."

Harry began to trudge his way back through the uneven terrain that had replaced the smooth stone hallway floor.

"Harry?" Mal asked carefully when it seemed Harry wasn't going to be terribly forthcoming. "You mind telling us what's going on?"

Harry chuckled weakly. "Just checking for salvage I guess."

River knew her mental shields were strong but even still she could sense the sadness emanating from Harry.

Zoe softly clarified, "Harry? I think Mal was asking more about why the ship died and if we should be… you know, panicking and fearing for our lives?"

"Didn't any of you read _Hogwarts, A History_?" Harry chuckled, picturing Hermione's pouting face. "Muggle devices like electricity and computers go haywire in the presence of all this magic." Harry waved his hand into the air towards the charred eerie surroundings.

Simon harshly snapped, "What!"

Antonio felt his ire growing and asked, "And you never thought to mention this before?"

Harry sighed. "To be honest… I forgot."

Mal exhaled and shook his large helmeted head. "So we could be humped."

Harry shook his head, trying to remember the details of Hermione's thesis. "We should be fine. I'll just levitate the ship far enough away and it'll work… I think. Pretty sure at least," Harry started to walk away from them, unconsciously following the path towards where Gryffindor Tower once stood.

River and the others were following Harry quietly. She asked, "So which wards are still working?"

"Hmm?" Harry asked, turning towards her. "What do you mean?"

"Well," River replied. "I'm guessing the wards that knocked out the Firenze are still strong."

"Oh," Harry answered in realization. "No, those aren't anything intentional. All of the wizard-made wards are gone, probably the last of them collapsed when the castle died. Actually, one of my best friends did a study on the magical centers of the planet. Hermione wrote her thesis on it." Harry stopped and shook his head sadly. "I get the feeling I should've been paying more attention."

Simon muttered, "Yeah, perhaps when you told us to fly to Hogwarts."

Harry didn't even have the heart to turn around and glare at him. He continued explaining, "Basically, there are several spots on the planet where there's so much magic in the air, that it disrupts electronics, radios, and muggle devices. On the other hand in these areas, magic is more powerful and easier to manipulate. The Four Founders of Hogwarts knew this and built their school on top of the strongest one in Europe. I think the other two Hermione focused on were Stonehenge and that one near the island resorts… Devil's Triangle or something. It's in the Atlantic Ocean." Harry smiled in remembrance of one of his first friends. "Though she only chose that one so she could spend a lot of time on the beach."

"Uh… Harry?" Antonio interrupted. "You know there aren't any oceans around here, anymore?"

"Right," Harry chuckled weakly. "Forgot about that."

River was thinking about what she'd been suspecting all along. "You're not talking about the castle or a congregation of creatures or wizards, right? The magic is in these places or locations, the air, basically the planet?"

"Yeah," Harry sighed. "Fat lot of good they're doing now." Harry stared at the pile of rocks blocking him from going any further in this direction. He looked up into the empty air where the entrance to the Gryffindor common room should have been.

"But our suits are working fine," Simon suddenly realized. "The speakers and microphones are running off electricity. Why are these working?"

Antonio put a hand on Simon's arm when he looked like he was about to flee. "These suits are completely protected from all forms of radiation, fire, heat upwards of fifteen hundred degrees, and they're made of a synthetic liquid fiber that's impossible to tear. Not even a nuclear detonation could knock the com devices in these offline."

"Well why didn't you make the ship out of that?" Jayne asked Antonio curiously.

Antonio shrugged. "The hull is practically impenetrable, but it's simply not cost effective to try and create a solid structure with these effects. Every aspect of the cells and wiring require specially shielded electronics that are _very_ expensive. The suits just have an oxygen regulator and communication running off it. Powering a ship takes quite a bit more than that."

"Hmm," Simon mused aloud. "So that means magic is an energy with a waveform that can be disrupted at certain frequencies."

"Yes and no," Harry interrupted. "Magic is as much an energy as life is. And if life's just an energy then you're basically admitting you have no soul. But let's not get into a philosophical argument that a scientific mind would reject as completely irrational."

"Well then why did the ship die?" Simon asked, very much in the mood for an argument.

"Magic and some parts of modern technology, when either of them are in their highest concentrations," Harry replied. "Well… let's just say they both get a bit territorial."

"Wouldn't that make magic more like technology than like life though?" Antonio asked trying to understand this. "Assuming they keep trying to replace each other."

"Technology has more to do with answers or a deeper understanding of immutable scientific laws, rules, and facts. Furthering our mastery of certain elements of our environment," Harry carefully considered his words wondering how to put this. "But the fundamental aspects of life, for example if you accept that we all evolved from a single-cell organism, then something had to add that spark or mix of elements that became the first single-cell organism. That's where I like to think, magic was born. It's not a failure of science, just a limitation. Magic is more the mystical or unexplainable side of things. The most basic understanding about magic you need to know is that it cannot be understood."

"I _don't_ understand," Kaylee declared having given up on following the conversation.

"Exactly," Harry assured her. "See, Kaylee gets it."

"Science can explain everything though," Simon argued. "We just don't understand the science behind magic yet."

"And now we're back to where your scientific mind considers the argument irrational as you seem intent on proving you have no soul," Harry said with a grin, enjoying this more than he should.

"I have a soul," Simon whined.

"Yes, you do," Harry smugly answered. "And be thankful for that. I've seen soulless beings before, they ain't pretty. Science can help us understand life, but to truly _create_ life you need more than that. I'm not talking about reproduction but genuine creation. That's where magic starts. Not the small stuff you've seen me do."

"So then why do our suits' communication devices work when the ship doesn't?" Simon tiredly asked seeing no way to reason with Harry.

Harry turned to Simon and thought they'd covered this already. "Because they're protected from that stuff Antonio said."

"I give up," Simon said walking towards the empty cavernous area that used to be the Great Hall.

"I'm happy to try and explain it better to you," Harry added looking up at the sky pretending the ceiling was still there. "But you couldn't make sweeping generalizations about life, or science for that matter, after inspecting one bug. Magic's the same way. And without seeing the bigger picture, your generalizations about the bug can't even be accurate."

Simon kept muttering in frustration to the other's amusement, while Harry continued his slow exploration of the ruins of Hogwarts. Just taking a moment to frustrate Simon helped Harry's mood temporarily. But looking around and he felt like he was trudging through some kind of surreal daydream. Not even the darkest of Dark Lords could have managed this kind of destruction. Voldemort probably loved Hogwarts as much as anyone. Seeing what had become of her just made Harry laugh in sadness.

Simon was still grumbling and misinterpreted Harry's laughter as mocking. He snapped back, "If your precious magic is so powerful, then why didn't it save this place? I thought Hogwarts was one of the most magical places on Earth-That-Was."

Kaylee smacked her boyfriend on the arm and a few were muttering curse words under their breath.

Harry just shook his head and turned to Simon honestly. "Good question. Nearest I can figure is that without anyone around, magic didn't see the point. We bollocksed up the planet and then left it to die," Harry sighed and shrugged, "Maybe it was pouting at us for leaving, maybe it just wasn't strong enough, I don't know." For some reason being forced to voice his thoughts out loud seemed to give Harry an acceptance of the situation if not an understanding.

The entire group stayed pretty silent as they wormed their way through the piles of blackened scorched rock and searing hot, dusty air.

Simon was looking up at varying broken walls and the dark foreboding sky. "Shouldn't there be some ghosts around here or something?"

Harry sighed and kept moving. "I wouldn't be surprised if the ghost council voted and they all moved on. The ties that may have held them to the castle would have broken when the castle died." Harry recognized the head of the gargoyle that guarded the entrance to the Headmaster's office. He picked it up and felt that it was nothing more than a heavy hunk of rock. "There's nothing here." Harry shook his head. "It doesn't make any sense."

"What doesn't?" Inara asked inspecting the odd looking stone head Harry was carrying.

"When we got here," Harry admitted. "I felt a pull on my magic, a connection. The magic in the air and of this place is as strong, or stronger, than I remember. But if the castle, the school, Hogwarts herself couldn't hold up, then I don't know what would have that I'd be actually connected to."

"Isn't there a spell for that?" River asked.

"Yeah, but you can't use it… near the castle…" Harry stopped and shook his head. "I'm an idiot. Thank you, River."

Harry put both of his massive gloved hands over the front of his helmet. He tried casting the spell, only to blind himself and start cursing in frustration. "_Gorramit_!"

"Suits, Harry?" Antonio added. "Remember they seem to protect from magic?"

Harry grumbled blinking the spots from his vision, "I thought that was just the electronic shielding as the magic came _out_ from the suit just fine. Never mind. It doesn't matter." Harry took a deep breath and pushed his chest out as much as he could. He quickly exhaled and wiggled his arm free inside of the bulky suit. He snaked his arm up his chest and placed his hand as high as he could reach.

The others were watching in anticipation as Harry tried the spell once more, apparently around his throat, given the fact that Harry responded this time by coughing and hacking loudly right into their ears.

"Alright, that's it," Harry snapped in frustration. He closed his eyes and everyone was watching once more with a touch of fear as his spacesuit exploded outward like some massive man-shaped balloon. "There we go," Harry answered and the suit began to shrink back to a more normal size revealing glowing white eyes without any visible pupils. "Whoa," Harry admitted. "I am definitely bound to something… that way." He finished pointing off in the direction he could see the bond heading.

"You can see it?" Zoe asked a little freaked out by the small headlights Harry was now sporting instead of eyes.

"Yup," Harry replied. "It's a pretty strong connection too. Shall we go investigate?"

Before anyone had a chance to reply they heard a crash from the Entrance Hall where they'd left the ship. Harry turned and sprinted off in that direction while the others followed.

"Umm… is running towards whatever made that sound the wisest thing?" Simon asked as he began to slow down to a leisurely jog.

Everyone but Harry and River slowed for half a step and thought about that question.

"We're gonna die, aren't we?" Antonio moaned ignoring the shushing from the others.

"Of course we are," Harry answered happily through his helmet. "Let's just hope not today."

Harry arrived first and saw that the ship seemed to have slid off a couple of steps, crushing some of the stones it had been resting on. Harry completed his circuit around the ship. "Looks like it was just settling," Harry admitted holding a hand up blocking his view of the ship. "But that hyperdrive glows worse than a nuclear reactor."

"Well," Antonio admitted. "It _is_ a nu-"

"Never mind," Harry interrupted with a roll of his eyes. Harry showed off the gargoyle head he was still carrying. "I got a souvenir so I think I'm done here. You guys about ready to go?"

"Are we going to follow your magical connection?" River asked.

"Yup," Harry answered, moving the wand onto his wrist, up his hand and flush with his index finger inside his glove. He was quite grateful for the extra space he now had in his spacesuit. "_Wingardium Leviosa_," Harry calmly incanted and floated the ship up off the ground. Harry stared for a moment always mesmerized at getting to physically see the magic of that spell.

"How far do you have to get for the ship to work again?" Inara asked, wearily watching the floating spacecraft as Harry began to walk away.

Harry shrugged, focusing on his levitation of the Firenze, and making sure he didn't trip. "I figured we'd give it a try by the lake."

"The lake?" Mal asked looking around at the different shades of burnt orange in all directions.

"That big crater straight ahead," Harry replied and pointed.

They continued to trek towards where the lake used to be when suddenly the ship's engines roared to life. The lights inside and out all flashed on and the Firenze flew up freeing itself from the control of Harry's spell. It spun around away from them and shot off into the sky leaving the nine people in spacesuits behind.

Harry was immediately reminded of getting thrust out of Mr. Weasley's enchanted car when it ran off to live in the Forbidden Forest. "Oh dear, that was… unexpected."

"Harry," Kaylee asked calmly and gently looking up in the sky. "Did our ship just ditch us?"

"Err…"

"It's not funny," Simon argued. "Now float it back here."

"You _are_ doing this," Antonio asked fearfully. "Aren't you, Harry?"

"Umm…"

"Oh boy," Jayne added.

"You see?" Mal stated. "This is why I should have been Captain. My ship likes me. I trust her, she trusts me. She wouldn't ditch me and leave me alone."

"To die," Inara added.

"On a barren, lifeless planet," Kaylee added.

River jumped in, "With no hope for-"

"I get it," Harry interrupted finally. "You're not helping." Harry was able to follow the glow of the hyperdrive with his mage-enhanced sight. "Umm… guys?"

"What?" Jayne asked spinning around hearing the worry finally creeping into Harry's voice.

"Do you see that?"

"What is it?" Inara asked squinting in the direction Harry was looking.

"I think it's coming back," Harry stated seeing the glow getting bigger and brighter.

"Thank goodness," Kaylee grinned.

"Umm…" Harry saw it was heading their way and quite fast. "I think it might be angry." Harry had decided that it most definitely looked angry and thrust both of his arms out pushing all eight of the other people away from him. Harry fell straight backward onto the ground just as the ship flew screaming past where he'd been standing. The wayward spacecraft cleared the ground by barely two feet and Harry's spacesuit by less than one.

The Firenze quickly pulled up steering clear of anywhere close to the castle ruins and began to circle around again for another pass.

"_Lao tyen yeh_!" Mal cursed. "What the hell is going on?"

"Harry!" Mr. Universe's voice echoed loudly from the sky above. "You _yu bun duh hwin dan_!"

"Frank!" Harry gaped. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I can't believe you just tried to kill me!"

"_Oh juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean jan_," Zoe muttered looking up as the Firenze began to hover lower to the ground.

"I wasn't trying to kill you," Harry argued. "I just… forgot. Sorry about that."

"Do you have any idea how strong the surge that forced the shutdown was?" Mr. Universe argued. "You should be stuck on this wasteland without any onboard navigation and a powerless tin can!"

"About that," Harry asked half-fearfully, half-excitedly. "How'd you take over the flight controls? Or power up for that matter?"

"How do you think?" Mr. Universe asked in a very confident tone.

"You've got to be kidding…" Harry whispered in amazement.

"You mind setting down so we can get out of these stuffy suits?" Mal asked. "You can yell at Harry easier, once we're inside the ship."

"Sorry, Mal," Mr. Universe replied gently extending the landing gear and setting down. "Engines are off," he announced just as the rear hatch door swung open. "All aboard, my friends, innocent bystanders and absent-minded idiot wizards alike."

"Frank?" Harry asked apprehensively and quickly corrected, "Mr. Universe, I mean? Are you… really…"

"Yup and yup," Mr. Universe happily announced while the first six climbed in. The door swung shut, and the entranceway spat off thick clouds of steam bringing the sealed small room to a healthy temperature and pressure. The interior door to the engine room swung open inviting them in. The six cosmonauts hesitated for a moment leaving the comfort of their secure spacesuits but they were assured it was safe by Mr. Universe, who swung engine room door closed behind them. Airlock sealed off again and the rear hatch swung open for the remaining three people.

Harry was the last one into the ship, slightly worried what was going to happen. "So just how much are you… you?"

"I'm all me," the speakers throughout the ship echoed. The airlock sealed and the temperature and pressure stabilized to healthy conditions, and the door swung open revealing the other six had already gotten out of their suits.

Harry pulled off his helmet and grinned up towards nothing in particular. "So how do you like it?"

"Amazing," the intercom voice of Mr. Universe answered. "I've never felt more alive."

Harry just smiled as he peeled his way out of his spacesuit.

"Harry?" Antonio hesitantly asked. "What have you done to the ship?"

Harry shook his head. "Don't look at me. I didn't do it." Harry's case wasn't helped by Mr. Universe's snort of amusement. "And it's not exactly just a ship anymore."

"You mean…" River started.

Harry just nodded.

"But he's an artificial intelligence," Simon frowned.

"I am right here you know," Mr. Universe jumped in.

Harry shrugged. "I've sort of… seen this happen before."

"You've seen _this_," Antonio said swinging his arms wildly, "happen before?"

"Well not this exactly this," Harry argued. "But … okay, when I was twelve we… _borrowed_ my best friend's enchanted car when we missed the train to school. Somewhere around the time we crashed it into the Whomping Willow the car… became alive and started thinking and acting for itself."

"Magic creates life, eh?" Zoe put in.

"Yeah," Harry answered. "Something like that. I mean in this case we actually have an intelligent… intelligence all set to give Firenze here a brain to go with its life."

"Thank you Harry," Mr. Universe agreed. "Though we may need to discuss my name. Mr. Universe-Firenze is a bit of a mouthful."

"Firenze-Universe?" Jayne suggested. "I kinda like the sound of Mr. F.U."

Harry couldn't help but snort at the aghast look on Antonio's face. "We can discuss it later. So how's this working, Mr. U? You're aware of… everything on here? Capable of flying yourself? Watching us shower? What?"

A few eyes widened unsure how they felt about that possibility.

"The short answer would be," Mr. Universe paused and said, "Yes."

Kaylee and Jayne let out similar sounding _eeps_ while Harry just shook his head wryly.

"Don't worry. I'll respect everyone's privacy." Mr. Universe tried to calm them. "Well, except for Harry."

"How about a longer answer?" Mal asked curiously.

"Well, you all know what I was, right?" Mr. Universe asked.

"A digital intelligence created by the real you, right?" Kaylee answered.

"Essentially, yeah," Mr. Universe explained. "The human me hadn't finished working on the device, and the batteries I was testing with weren't charged or even the right kind for actually running the device long-term. Then Harry came along, tried to fix the device, and sort of got it running on magic, and I began to piece myself the rest of the way together from there. And it's a good thing I did, because I'm not sure Harry could even use a calculator that didn't have beads to slide across."

Harry rolled his eyes at the quirky personality's sarcasm.

"I didn't have a physical body or anything. I was just as Kaylee said, an artificial intelligence existing in the device. I could copy and clone myself at will, often Harry would send a copy of the current me off to do his dirty work-"

"Your dirty work too," Harry added.

"Yes, yes, that too," Mr. Universe didn't deny. "Like for example getting into Blue Sun, Harry had to sneak onto one of their satellite links and toss a copy of me into their system. I gathered all the info we needed, and then that copy of me could make another copy that it sent out while staying resident on their system as well. Eventually a copy reaches back to a sort of central home base in my communication device."

"Our communication device," Harry corrected.

"Then it's a matter of merging that copy with me, and sending more copies out, so all my instances are aware of everything I should know," Mr. Universe explained. "As of right now, there are thirty seven constantly updated instances of me, hiding on various networks I've compromised. And dozens of others that aren't quite as up to date, because too much network traffic gets noticed. Before my home base where I always kept coming back too was the com device that I started in, though now I think I might want to set up camp in here."

Harry jumped in, "Any copy can delete itself if it gets caught or busted, even if they're on a private network. Like the copy in the control room talking to the Mission Director."

"Or the copy in Antonio's apartment complex," Mr. Universe added. "It's just split off, clone, and merge. Until today."

"Yeah, about that," Harry asked. "Do you need another?"

"Yes," Mr. Universe added. "We will need one for the onboard systems, because I'm not a digital intelligence."

"You're not?" Inara asked skeptically.

The engine started to fire up briefly before it slowed and stopped. "Nope, I'm a ship."

"How'd you do that?" Jayne asked looking at Harry.

Harry shook his head, not wanting to turn back towards the brightly glowing hyperdrive. "It wasn't me."

"Well, I'm pretty sure it was magic," Mr. Universe explained. "So Harry's undoubtedly to blame somehow. But basically, I learned a brand new thing the moment we got too close to that magical center thing Harry was talking about."

"You heard that?" Zoe asked in surprise.

"Mmm-hmm," Mr. Universe answered. "Yup. Harry managed to teach a digital intelligence the meaning of the word _pain_."

Harry winced. "I said I was sorry. And I am. But… pain? Really?"

"Yeah, really," Mr. Universe insisted. "It hurt. A lot. And the next thing I realized I was the ship and you were lowering me to the ground. Nothing I could do responded or replied, probably due to the magic in the air or whatever it was you'd said."

"Hang on, Mr. F.U.," Harry interrupted. "My eyes are getting sore and tired from this spell. You feel up to taking us somewhere?"

"Sure do," Mr. Universe complied. "I'm just waiting for you guys to leave the engine room before I fire up and take off."

They all walked through the narrow hallway heading towards the front. Antonio was the last one out of the engine room and he went to close the door when it swung shut and closed for him. He'd seen and heard too much to be surprised.

The engines flared to life and they felt the ship smoothly take to the sky, while they claimed chairs up at the front.

"This is such a better way to fly," Harry said with a smile.

"Am I heading in the right direction?" Mr. Universe asked.

"Yup," said Harry seeing the bond from him was connected in a line towards the nose of the ship. "You're right on line. Just keep her steady this direction."

"Alright," Mr. Universe answered. "Just let me know. It feels good to be in the air. Now where was I…?"

"You were aware but couldn't do anything," River answered.

"Oh right," Mr. Universe explained. "I was aware that I was the ship. Not the onboard nav system, not an AI clone, but the actual ship. It's an odd realization to reach."

"How aware of yourself are you?" Harry asked, rubbing his hand on the wall.

"I can feel that, if that's what you mean," Mr. Universe answered. "I don't have eyes or ears. I have video feeds from the cameras, audio feeds from the mics, and a general awareness. I think I could read in and understand all the controls if you'd just reinstall a clone for navigation purposes."

"Oh right," Harry answered and summoned his communication device to him. He loved watching magic with his eyes like this. Especially the non-visible spells like summoning and levitation. Harry plugged in the device and let Mr. Universe do his thing.

"Interesting," Mr. Universe answered with an echo. "Oops. Sorry about that." The echo was gone. "I'm not any sort of digital sentience that could merge but we can sort of talk almost as fast. That was both of us saying interesting the first time. Two similar minds reaching similar conclusions at similar times."

Harry turned to Simon and enjoyed how freaked out he was by his glowing eyes. Harry jerked his thumb towards the console where his com device was located. "I doubt science or technology could have done something like this."

"I doubt it'd want to," Simon mumbled, unaware he'd just signed on for cold showers for the rest of the trip.

"A little to your right, Mr. Universe," Harry answered noticing the location was straying a little. "Other right," Harry smarmily added.

"Oops," Mr. Universe admitted. "Still getting used to this."

"Hmm," Harry admitted as they kept flying. "It's getting lower."

"Then we're getting closer," Antonio added before blushing at how obvious that sounded.

"Whoa!" Harry called out and spun around to look behind him. "We just went over it. Take us down around here."

"I thought this might be it," Mr. Universe answered.

"Where are we?" Jayne said sticking his nose against the window. "There is some gnarly carnage around here. Looks like a snaking canyon too."

"Directly over central London," Mr. Universe happily announced. "That canyon used to be the Thames River."

"London, as in _the_ London?" Simon clarified. "Huh. I forgot that it wasn't always a part of America."

Harry wanted to curse some Yankees if only he could find them. He guided Mr. Universe to nearly where his glowing bond was directly below them. Harry ran back towards the engine room as they softly touched down and he climbed back into his cleaner refreshed suit. Mr. Universe obliged and let Harry out while the others all hurried to follow.

"Slow down, Harry!" Zoe called out.

"Where are we?" Kaylee asked looking at all the wreckage and shades of brown and burnt colors.

"This is Diagon Alley," Harry answered as he reached his destination. They all stopped to look at the giant misshapen white rock that Harry was inspecting.

Simon bent down and knocked on it with his hand. He was rewarded with sharp rapping sounds indicating it was very thick. "What is this? Is this marble?"

Harry sighed looking at the massive mound and nodded. "Yeah, it's marble."

"Are you bound to giant piece of white marble?" River asked curiously.

"Nope," Harry answered with a smile. "No I'm bound to my vault. Which means my stuff is probably just fine."

"Your vault? Your stuff?" Antonio asked.

Harry nodded happily. "Yeah, my stuff. My possessions, my belongings, my money, my family heirlooms. My _stuff_." Harry waved towards the white rock. "This used to be the entrance to Gringotts, the wizarding bank. The vaults are all beneath the surface… of course," Harry said smacking his helmet. "The conditions on the surface of the planet wouldn't necessarily affect things over a kilometer or two down."

"Your stuff is beneath this?" Inara asked.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, it is. Way beneath this, and from the looks of things directly under here." Harry wiggled his arm inside his suit and canceled the magic on his eyes. "If we're lucky," Harry blinked his eyes rapidly adjusting to normal vision returning. He had to look away while his pupils dilated enough to see properly. "We can find a cart to ride down. Otherwise this could take a while."

"A cart?" Zoe asked.

"How long is a while?" Antonio asked, not liking the sound of the word kilometer.

Harry shrugged. "Not really sure. The fact that I'm still bound to it, means its protections are still up, which means I can't portkey or apparate in there." Harry looked around and saw the spots in his vision were receding. "You said these suits are strong, right Antonio?"

"Very," Antonio nodded.

Harry took a deep breath and said. "Works for me." Harry briefly thought about trying to get wands on the outside of the suit, but feared they might simply ignite in the heat. He expanded the suit enough so that he could keep a firm hold on both wands. Harry walked around the giant marble slab and stopped near the back. He looked towards the others and said, "Umm… just to be safe, you all might want to back up a bit."

All eight of the others took Harry's warning to heart and sprinted away in the other direction. Jayne was backpedaling too, but he refused to look away not wanting to miss whatever Harry was about to do.

Harry held both wands loosely in his hands, mentally going over what spells might work best here. He considered attempting some of the more specialized stone pulverizing spells, or perhaps even a spell that large groups used en masse to tunnel through mountains or build caves. Considering his options, and what he knew of the situation, he stuck with what worked best for him. Simpler he found was often better.

Harry gripped both wands tightly and aimed them straight down far enough away that he was hoping to bypass the marble completely. Hardly any wizards should ever try using two wands at once, as it sucks your magic dry too quick, dangerously so for most people. But Harry found it to be kind of fun and a good way to ensure maximum results. Harry kept his eyes on the ground, not wanting to shoot his foot off by accident. He screamed out, "_REDUCTO!_"

All eight crew members winced at the loud yell in their ears, but the resulting explosion was mighty impressive. A huge cloud of blackened dust and debris exploded into the air. Most notably though was the sight of Harry in his spacesuit being launched at a slight angle a good forty feet into the air.

Harry's shrieking may have been audible even without the speakers in their helmets, but the crunch and silence as he landed was an even worse sound.

"Owww," Harry moaned as he sat up. He saw the other eight running towards him.

"That was awesome!" Jayne exclaimed happily.

The others were helping Harry up and making sure he was okay, while Antonio went to check out the new crater next to the giant white marble rock. He had to watch his step not to fall in, but he peered over the side. "Wow, looks like almost fifty feet down, just a few more kilometers to go."

"Cart, Antonio," Harry reminded. "We just need to make it to the cart, and we can ride that down. Or locate the tracks the carts run on."

Harry and the others went to check out the crater too and were peering in the steaming fresh chasm. "Well that was fun," Harry admitted. "But I'm not sure how many of those I've got in me."

"Harry!" Mal snapped in fright.

"I can handle a couple more blasting curses," Harry argued looking proudly at his crater.

"Harry!" Mal and Antonio snapped in unison.

"What?" Harry asked looking up suddenly. "What is it?"

They were both staring directly over Harry's shoulder. Harry turned around and saw something he didn't think he'd ever see again. A brownish-red phoenix was carrying her baby just looking at the people in the massive spacesuits in surprise. She caught Harry's eye and was staring into it when Harry felt an out of place image flutter in his head. The phoenix jerked back in shock and her jaw dropped open. She was so flustered by their presence she never even noticed she'd dropped her baby.

That was until it landed on its head and starting squawking angrily.

The phoenix mother swooped down and picked up the young one before vanishing in a burst of fire.

"What the hell was that?" Jayne asked.

"It spontaneously combusted," River answered with a loud sigh. "We finally see signs of life and it spontaneously combusted."

Harry couldn't take it and started laughing at River's declaration. "Relax guys. That was a phoenix."

"Are those birds… supposed to do that?" Inara asked.

Harry nodded. "Yes, they can vanish and appear in a burst of fire."

"Was she fleeing or running off to get reinforcements?" Mal clarified looking around for more of them.

Harry's eyebrows perked up in hope. "That'd be nice. I mean, no, not reinforcements. Phoenixes are some of the most docile, pleasant creatures you will ever find. In fact, I've only even ever heard of one taking part in any sort of fight at all."

"So she could be regrouping to organize an attack?" Jayne asked.

"How could those things possibly survive here?" Simon wondered. "I mean what do they eat? Ash? How can they possibly adapt from life before to life like this?"

"They're immortal creatures of fire," Harry answered. "I wouldn't be surprised if they're barely bothered by the increase in temperature. Though I do wonder what they eat…"

"But you said that _some_ fight? So shouldn't we be… I don't know? Getting our guns?" Jayne worried.

Harry shook his head. "They're light creatures. They don't fight, they'd never attack. And the only one that I've ever heard of taking an active part in any sort of pitched battle was Fawkes."

Right on queue, the phoenix in question appeared in a burst of fire in front of Harry.

"_Aiee_!" Kaylee shrieked not expecting to be so close to a sudden ball of flame.

"Fawkes?" Harry asked looking at the bird in disbelief.

Fawkes on the other hand could barely contain his enthusiasm. He was whipping his wings like an overexcited first year, just hovering in place brimming with joy. Fawkes squawked loudly at Harry's inquiring repeat of his name and with a burst of fire disappeared from in front of Harry, only to reappear inside Harry's oversized spacesuit.

Harry began to yelp as he fell back, while the phoenix just wriggled itself against him in happiness. Harry was laughing his head off at how Fawkes tickling him, and seemed quite content to just press his body against Harry's in what could only be an attempt at a human hug. "What are you doing, you goofball?"

Fawkes squawked something back that probably even phoenixes wouldn't have understood before snapping his beak on Harry's nose and mischievously biting down hard. Another burst of fire and Fawkes reappeared up in the sky. He flew in circles above them, belting out a long stream of phoenix song. The melody's effect was felt by all nine of the cosmonauts, who just watched the creature in amazement. Their worries seemed to lessen, the corners of their mouths turned up in smiles, and they exhaled breaths that made them feel healthier and happier.

"That's beautiful," Kaylee whispered out reverently.

"I've never heard anything like it," Inara said keeping her eyes on the smoothly moving creature.

"Thank you, Fawkes," Harry said softly. "But still… _Fawkes_!"

Fawkes' song ended and he went right back to hovering in front of Harry.

Harry was stunned speechless and opened to his mouth to say something before just shutting it in surprise.

Fawkes just nodded his head fervently, happier than Harry could ever remember the little guy being.

Finally deciding on what to say, Harry just grinned back at the phoenix and said, "Hi."

Fawkes just kept chirping back and singing up a storm at Harry.

"He seems happy to see you," Mal noted.

"You know this specific phoenix?" Antonio asked curiously.

"Sure!" Harry answered. "Don't you remember the big arse snake?"

"That's right!" Jayne agreed. "This guy _is_ a fighter! Clawed those eyes right out!" Jayne happily exclaimed with demonstrative hand movements.

"I thought you said that was a magical fire-turkey, didn't you?" Mal asked recalling that thrilling little adventure.

Harry raised his hands in deference to show he meant no threat to the phoenix who'd been puffing out his chest proudly. "He's kidding, Fawkes. You know I'd never say that about you."

"No, no," Simon added. "I clearly remember you calling it a magical fire-turkey."

Fawkes began to playfully dive bomb Harry who kept assuring the bird that he had been joking.

"His tears saved your life," Antonio recalled.

Harry just nodded as Fawkes seemed to settle down and rest on the shoulder of Harry's suit. "Yup, Fawkes here saved my life twice actually."

Fawkes squawked and stuck up his foot with three claws extended.

"Oh come on," Harry whined. "We both know that acromantula venom wasn't going kill me."

Fawkes seemed to huff indignantly and shake his tail feathers in disagreement.

"Fine, three times," Harry said though he clearly didn't agree. "Merlin Fawkes, it's good to see you."

Fawkes just leaned into Harry pushing his head against Harry's helmet.

Harry recognized what Fawkes wanted. "Okay, you crazy bird. Get in here."

Fawkes let out a victorious cry and popped into a burst of fire, reappearing back inside the cramped spacesuit with Harry. Harry worked his left hand up to where Fawkes head was resting on Harry's chest. He began scratching the ancient bird in all his favorite places.

Fawkes was relishing in the attention while Harry looked up at all the patient faces. "Fawkes here was the pet of my Headmaster and occasional mentor of sorts, Albus Dumbledore. First time I saw Fawkes, he looked awful, and he burst into flames right in front of me. I was twelve and scared the Headmaster was going blame me for killing his pet bird."

Fawkes let out a happy coo, urging Harry to scratch behind his ears.

"Albus then showed me the little baby phoenix that was reborn from its own ashes," Harry explained. "And that's not to mention that my wand -my proper wand I mean, not any of the ones you've seen- contains a tail feather from Fawkes here."

Harry felt the bird relaxing against him. "I bet you've been pretty bored around here, haven't you?"

Fawkes nodded his head causing Harry to chuckle.

"Feel up to helping us out?" Harry asked curiously.

Fawkes nodded again, apparently needing just a little bit more attention before it vanished in a burst of fire and reappeared in the air in front of Harry. Fawkes tilted his head at Harry.

Harry felt an odd flicker in his head again and got the feeling Fawkes was waiting on him. "We were hoping to check out my vault, and gather up everything that's useful."

Fawkes nodded immediately, and Harry could have sworn there was a twinkle in Fawkes' eyes.

"Alright," Harry said raising a hand. "Think you're strong enough to take all of us?"

Fawkes rolled his head in exasperation, making it clear he was irritated than Harry even had to ask.

"Sorry," Harry mockingly apologized to the touchy bird. He turned to the others, "Does everyone want to go see my vault?"

When they all replied affirmatively, Harry walked down the line casting sticking on the surface of their gloved hands. It took a bit of effort, but he got the magic to hold. The nine of them had their hands linked, stuck together in a long line. Harry turned back towards the smirking bird and said, "We're ready." Harry leaned towards the hovering phoenix with his unstuck hand and mock whispered, "You can stretch your wings a little if you want."

Fawkes nodded in secret agreement with Harry and stuck his tail feathers right towards the wizard. Harry grabbed hold of Fawkes' tail as he turned back towards the others. "Do me a favor and try not to scream too loud."

Simon didn't like the look in Harry's eyes at all. "What are you- AHHH!"

The long train of people flew up into the air, hanging onto the tail of youthfully energetic immortal avian. Fawkes was taking them on a ride all over the rubble and wreckage of nearby London. They were flying at speeds Harry couldn't ever hope to match on a broom. Their bodies were jerked back and forth, as helpless as the tail on a kite, completely at the mercy of the wind whipping them around.

Most of the people had closed their eyes unable to handle watching everything flying by. Fawkes swung them back towards the remains of Diagon Alley and flew straight up high into the air, giving all nine passengers a brief feeling of weightlessness. Before he turned around and zoomed straight towards the ground, heading right for the giant hunk of marble that was once Gringotts.

Right as they all should have slammed into the rock with a loud _splat_ they instead disappeared in a burst of fire. The sensation of phoenix fire travel truly is one of the best forms of magical transport. A warm welcoming tingling throughout your body as if you're being tickled in a very gentle manner.

The large group was still screaming despite the fact that they had stopped moving and been softly set down on the ground in a half-moon protected area facing a smooth wall with a familiar pair of large vault doors. Their screams suddenly stopped, with Jayne being the last one to notice that they weren't still yelling their heads off.

"Oops," Jayne apologized having continued screaming for much longer than necessary.

Fawkes settled himself on the top of Harry's helmet, while Harry went down the line canceling all the sticking charms on their linked gloves.

"_Lao tyen yeh_," Zoe murmured, clutching her chest. "Why do I get the feeling that magical fire-turkey could have just brought us here, but you just wanted to give us a scare?"

Harry tilted his head up glancing at the firmly attached bird. "I don't think I'm the only one who wanted to do that. Poor Fawkes has been bored silly around here. He probably needed the exercise too."

Fawkes squawked but flew up into the air and hovered in front of Harry.

Harry felt something in his head again, but couldn't tell what it was. Fawkes seemed irritated but leaned his head in towards Harry. He was motioning with his head, pointing his beak towards Harry's helmet and flipping his head back.

Harry caught on and realized Fawkes was saying he could take the suit off here. Slightly worried that Fawkes was getting cheeky, but still trusting the bird with his life, Harry released the locks on his helmet and pulled it off his head to the amazement of the others.

When Harry just took a deep breath and let it out, the others followed his lead and did the same. It was a bit warm, but very reasonable temperature for them. Harry pulled off one of his gloves and felt the smooth wall across from his vault door. "Hey," Harry answered. "The rock is comfortably cool down here."

"And how are you supposed to normally get here?" Antonio asked, seeing no tracks or carts anywhere nearby.

Harry was scratching his head, paying no attention to the phoenix who'd settled comfortably onto Harry's shoulder. "These uh… _walls_ are new. There are fourteen other ancient vaults down here, and the track used to come right… well about ten feet through there."

"So why is this area so smooth?" Inara asked running her hand over the cool rock.

Harry shrugged. "I'm guessing this as far my vault protections exist. It might be worth trying to burrow into other vaults. There are some very rich and old things down here."

"Enough dilly-dallying," Jayne said unsuccessfully trying to push Harry's vault doors open. "Let's see all your toys."

"Alright, alright," Harry replied. "The oldest vaults here are based on blood wards." Harry dragged his finger across the palm of his other hand cutting it deep enough for the blood to start dripping out. Harry pushed his bloody palm across the crease between the two doors. All nine of them stepped back as they heard the magic creaking and air began to rush out of the doors as they slowly swung open.

The nine cosmonauts were holding their helmets in their hands, and just stared in absolute shock at the sight before them. When the tense silence was broken, the dumbstruck group of cosmonauts all at once gasped out their thoughts.

"_Wu de ma_!"

"Merlin's balls!"

"_Wu de ma_!"

"_Tsai boo shr_!"

"_Wu de ma_! It's horrible! Living beneath the surface has mutated them! They're so small! And hideous!"

"Jayne!" Harry snapped interrupting the offensive exclamations. "These are _goblins_. Not people."

"Oh," Jayne stopped suddenly, looking at them a little closer. "Well, they're still hid-"

"Jayne!" Harry yelled silencing the other man.

The nearest group of goblins was just staring at the people in complete shock. They began furiously chattering in Gobbledegook, looking at Harry in disbelief. Their faces twisted in grim looks that may have been smiles. The tallest one tilted his head at Harry and asked, "Master?"


	25. CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR: Popping a Blood

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR – Popping a Blood Vassal **

Harry was feeling very excited to get back the things that meant the most to him. Not just his things, but Luna's things, or rather his _family's_ things. The photo albums, the clothes, the rings, the portraits, and the wands. So many simple conveniences of life that he hadn't given a second thought to, until he woke up on the other side of the universe with none of them.

All thoughts of his life long accumulation of objects and memories fled his mind the moment the vault doors swung open. Never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined the sight that greeted him. The vault had grown to the size of Quidditch Pitch, height included. As far as Harry could see the walls were lined with layers and layers of constructed metal boxes. Crisscrossing from right to left throughout the ceiling were several metal walkways and staircases connecting lower levels to higher ones.

Hundreds of goblins were seen staring their direction from the catwalks and windows on the metal boxes that Harry realized must have been some sort of apartments. Directly in front of them was a group of a half dozen goblins. Harry was vaguely aware that he was muttering something about an old wizard's testicles when River mumbled something in Chinese. He hurriedly shushed Jayne, before they offended the proud creatures and began to fear for repercussions from their lack of respect.

His fears were pushed to the wayside when the tallest goblin near them looked right at Harry and asked, "Master?"

"Excuse me?" Harry replied in confusion.

The goblins were all jabbering in Gobbledegook very quickly, when the same one continued to stare and ask, "You are Harry Potter, aren't you?"

Harry nodded numbly and answered, "Last I checked… uhh… yeah?" He was unable to remember the first thing about goblin etiquette, but was quite sure there wasn't anything specific that would've indicated the appropriate response to discovering a small city of goblins living in your vault. He was idly wondering if maybe he should have read those vault contracts a bit more carefully. He was completely unaware of the amused phoenix still resting on his shoulder.

An ancient looking goblin came hurrying up towards them, with a large crowd following behind him. This goblin had a long white beard and was curiously wearing a black Hogwarts robe with a Ravenclaw insignia.

"Those are Luna's first year robes!" Harry yelled in irritation.

The apparent leader of these goblins looked down at his outfit and nodded. "Yes, Master, they are."

"Oh crud, I'm sorry," Harry said fearful of goblin customs. They weren't big on courtesy but respect was important. "I meant no offense… I just…" Harry gave up and shook his head.

"Master," the old goblin said bowing his head. "I am Ripruck, the current eldest. You need not fear offending us. There is much we should discuss."

Harry nodded looking around the small goblin city that seemed to have replaced his vault. "Yes, Ripruck, I'd say there is," Harry agreed shaking the surprise off his face. "Perhaps you could start with why you call me Master."

Ripruck nodded showing no emotion. "I refer to your honorific, because I am a vassal of House Potter." He waved towards all the goblins and added, "We are all vassals of the House Potter."

"Oh," Harry answered intelligently. "Okay."

Jayne leaned towards Mal and asked, "What's a vassal?"

Mal just shrugged while River answered, "An indentured servant."

"That is correct," Ripruck agreed. "We are property of the family."

Harry furrowed his brow. "That's umm… news to me."

Ripruck nodded. "It was not a decision our forefathers made lightly but it was the right one."

"You chose to become my property?" Harry clarified, knowing how unlikely that sounded for goblins.

"Yes," Ripruck agreed. "We pledged allegiance and servitude to House Potter. Perhaps you and your associates would like to sit down and have a drink while we discuss?"

"A drink sounds like a good idea," Jayne answered immediately.

"Yes it does," Simon found himself agreeing with Jayne for once.

"Please," Ripruck said struggling with the word. "Follow me." Ripruck turned and walked away, assuming the others would follow. "If it pleases you, Master, introductions would be appreciated."

Harry hurried to keep up with the swift old goblin and apologized. "Oh, sorry about that. This is just… a lot to take in." Harry was pointing towards the others as he announced them. "Ripruck, and everyone else, I'd like you to meet Jayne, Mal, River, Inara, Zoe, Antonio, Simon, and Kaylee."

"Greetings," Ripruck said with a nod, barely bothering to turn around. The goblin stopped in front of large metal door off to their left and dragged his finger down a crease in the middle. Locks could be heard moving and shifting as Ripruck pushed the door open and walked in. "This is where we hold council."

Harry followed him into the very professional looking conference room, but his attention was immediately drawn towards the large portrait hanging on the wall. A smile split on his face at the cheery wave of the very young looking blonde.

"Hi honey!" the barely teenage Luna greeted from the portrait.

Sometimes Harry loved wizarding portraits and sometimes he hated them. He swallowed the lump in his throat every time he heard the portrait's voice. "Hello sugar-britches."

The other eight people filed into the room and were staring at the young blonde with radish earrings in surprise. They turned towards Harry and saw his emotions were bubbling to the surface.

Harry opened his mouth to say something to the portrait but snapped it shut, having too many other things on his mind.

The teenage Luna just looked at the others and assured Harry, "We can talk later. Ripruck looks like he wants to speak with you first."

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter," Ripruck nodded. "Master?"

"Please, just call me Harry," Harry interrupted.

"Thank you, Harry," Ripruck forced a grin. "Would you like some whiskey? Or water?"

"Whiskey, please," Harry accepted. He turned towards the others. "Guys?"

"Whiskey," eight voices all answered in unison.

Harry chuckled.

"Excellent," Ripruck said. "We have goblin whiskey ready, or I believe you have several cases of firewhiskey among your possessions."

"Whatever's easiest," Harry assured him. He looked at the others remembering the few times he'd tried goblin whiskey and added, "Though some water as well might be a good idea."

"Of course, Harry," Ripruck said nodding towards one of the other goblins fetching the beverages.

The drinks were served and the eight others who'd never had goblin whiskey before all began coughing at the warm and surprisingly strong drink. Jayne let out a loud _whoop_ and was slapping the table, choking down the drink. Mal and Zoe tried their best and managed to barely cough, but their eyes betrayed the burning they were feeling. The glasses of water were quickly becoming popular.

"Harry," Ripruck started. "If you don't mind me asking, I was wondering how many heirs you have produced."

Suddenly Harry was joining the others in the uncomfortable coughing. "Umm… can't say that there are any heirs out there. My wife and I were unable to have children."

"I was afraid of that," Ripruck said with a nod. "And it is not my place to say but I would like to plead with you to consider siring several."

"You're right," Harry nodded. "It isn't your place to say."

Ripruck bowed his head not pushing the issue and asked, "How have you managed to live so long? Do you intend to continue for a while? And have you been physically de-aged as young as you appear?"

Harry looked at the others and canceled the glamour charm on his face. He smiled weakly at Ripruck and answered, "I haven't been de-aged at all, but I existed outside of time for almost four centuries. I only woke up a couple years ago. I informed my account manager at the time, Rockstart that I would be disappearing for an indeterminate amount of time back in 2132. And yes, I do intend to live for a while longer. Now I would like to know why this matters to you and what's happened to my vault." Harry finished and reapplied the glamour charm. He felt more comfortable with it on and didn't have to endure the uncomfortable looks from the rest of the crew.

Ripruck nodded. "Thank you, Harry. I suppose you are aware of the infernos that started in the early to mid twenty-third century."

"Hang on," Harry interrupted. "I don't know about any infernos or what happened here on Earth-That-Was hardly at all."

"Earth_-That-Was_?" Ripruck repeated curiously.

"That's what the original planet here is now called," Harry explained. "They've terraformed several hundred planets, trying to mimic most Earth's environment."

"Interesting," Ripruck commented though he didn't act as if it was. He continued, "Very well, then as you may or may not know, the majority of wizards left the planet on spaceships around 2194. _Exodus for Existence_ I believe they called it."

Harry nodded, listening intently.

"A few wizards asked goblins to join them on the magic-aware spacecrafts, but we never seriously considered the offer." Ripruck answered before pausing. He carefully replied, "You may not be aware but goblins draw much of their magic and life force from the Earth herself. It wasn't a question of leaving and hoping for survival as it was leaving would have ensured we wouldn't survive. It's possible we could have adapted but we believed it to be an unwise risk. A few individual goblins considered it, but I don't believe any of them actually went. Once the last of the ships left the planet, and nearly all the muggles were gone, the beings left behind descended into anarchy."

The nine cosmonauts all exchanged looks of surprise but didn't say anything.

"The oaths all goblins swore in protecting people's money, kept us from interfering. The wizards that left withdrew all of their possessions and closed their accounts. We maintained business as usual to the best of our ability for the remaining clients but rarely ventured beyond the safety of our homes and Gringotts branches. The temperature began rising noticeably, and then the fires started. Some of the wizards did their best to fight and contain many of the massive blazes, but they were too few and the fires too vast. London was nearly a complete loss by 2260."

Harry winced but considering the way it looked now, was unsurprised.

"Most of the goblins burrowed deep into Gringotts caves, as the majority of the dangers existed on the surface. Unfortunately, the small caves are well ventilated which makes it easy for fires to travel quickly and burn nearly everlasting. Deeper and deeper we went, moving into empty vaults. But the fires continued to ravage as we kept falling back. When the heartstone of Gringotts cracked, most all of the remaining protections fell. And we became completely cut off from the outside world.

"It was then that we were forced to move down to the most ancient vaults that had started the first Gringotts branch. The fifteen oldest magical family vaults that were protected in ways that went beyond goblin understanding. The strength of the protections came from the centuries of magic in all the ancestors, blood wards that gained strength throughout time. Reservoirs of water were protected with many goblin lives, because if the fires and heat reached them, we would die.

"Survival was paramount, and as Gringotts employees we could enter our remaining clients' vaults, even the five remaining ancient blood ward protected vaults, but only as it served our clients' needs. The only way to gain sanctuary in a vault, or to live in one, was with the permission of the family. As that was impossible, we were forced to pledge our lives and the lives of our children as vassals to a family. Doing so would reduce us to mere property of the family, but would grant us the protection of the vault."

Harry nodded and asked, "But I can free you now and give you permission, right?"

Ripruck shook his head. "No, you cannot. We are not slaves you can free. We are not bound by a magical contract with terms or stipulations. We belong to the family and all of our descendents always will."

Harry winced. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I know how proud most of the goblins I knew before were and how difficult a decision it must have been."

"Survival _was_ paramount," Ripruck repeated with a bowed head. "But we did not all choose House Potter at first. The vast majority chose Potter and Harris, but several chose the other three surviving ancient families of Gamp, Burke, and Griffiths. Every other family and vault had already been wiped out."

"The Malfoys and Blacks were wiped out?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Yes," Ripruck answered. "The first infernos that wiped out London ended several magical lines."

Harry took a big gulp of goblin whiskey and wasn't sure how he felt about that. "So are the other four vaults… in similar shape as this?"

Ripruck shook his head and rudely stated, "No, and actually I hadn't finished telling you what happened."

"Sorry," Harry apologized. "Please continue."

"The Harris vault then suddenly began to crumble," Ripruck added. "And we knew the last magical Harris must have died."

"_Magical_ Harris?" Harry clarified.

Ripruck appeared to be getting irritated, though this was not uncommon for a goblin. "Yes, the vault's blood protection draws strength from the entire family's history of magic but is contingent on their being magic within Harris blood. If your children are all born squibs, and you were to die before a magical Potter was born, the protections on this vault would fall as well."

Ripruck cleared his throat before Harry could comment. "As I was saying, the Harris vault was failing, and the goblins that had been living in their all pledged themselves to the House Potter. Their first act to help the family was to take the contents of the Harris vault with them."

Harry suddenly realized he was probably a lot richer than he remembered, not that it counted for much.

"It was also at this time, several phoenixes appeared bringing with them the remaining members of the goblin battalion assigned to Hogwarts," Ripruck explained. "The information they brought with them was our last contact with the outside world."

Harry felt the phoenix on his shoulder stick out his chest in pride. He'd forgotten Fawkes was even there, but looked up and saw a twinkle in the bird's eye that reminded him of his former Headmaster. Harry suddenly noticed the others were looking a little tired. He jumped in, "Sorry to interrupt you, Ripruck." Harry turned towards the other eight people sitting quietly. "I need to hear all these things, but if you guys are bored, maybe you want to check out some parts of the vault?"

Ripruck looked at them harshly but seemed to understand. He offered, "If you'd like I could have my son take you on a tour."

"I'd love that!" Kaylee agreed immediately. "This whole place looks amazing."

Ripruck nodded and yelled, "Digdug!"

A short stocky goblin came running in and sneered, "Father?"

"Some of our Master's guests wish to see the grounds," Ripruck ordered gently. "Treat them with the same respect you would our Master."

Digdug nodded with a small snort. "Follow me."

Kaylee hopped up and dragged Simon with her. Mal stood up and shook his head from all the goblin whiskey he consumed. "I wouldn't mind stretching my legs a bit. Anyone else coming?"

Jayne grabbed his glass of whiskey and got up to follow, while Zoe and Inara agreed. River shook her head at Simon and said to Harry, "I'd like to stay, if that's alright with you."

Harry shrugged in response.

Antonio looked nervous. "It's all so fascinating to hear about your history. Could we do a tour later as well, perhaps?"

Harry rolled his eyes wondering how possibly the lowest point in goblin history being called fascinating was going to be appreciated. "Yes, I'm sure we can do a tour later. Or I'll catch you up on everything here. It's up to you."

"I'll stay," Antonio finally decided.

The group of six cosmonauts quickly followed after Digdug, leaving Harry, River, and Antonio with Ripruck.

"You said phoenixes brought the goblin battalion from Hogwarts?" Harry asked, urging Ripruck to continue his tale. He idly reached up and scratched the under the chin of the phoenix on his shoulder.

"Yes, a battalion of our finest warriors and warders had worked with Harris family to protect Hogwarts," Ripruck began his brief history lesson again. "The detachment was a part of the protections we had set-up to safeguard the castle from the various contingent groups hoping to conquer the severely weakened world. It had been part of the negotiations with former Headmaster Fullerton, that if we had a vested interest in the castle, we'd be more willing to guard it. Hogwarts had become a safe-haven for magical creatures of all kinds. The nearby forest was teeming with more species than ever before and they all sought out the grounds as one of the few places untouched by fire and destruction. Dragons, griffins, manticores, many creatures thought to be extinct fought for territory around the protected grounds."

Ripruck paused to take a drink and continued. "I believe the dementors even fled Azkaban and were some of the most submissive, assigned their own greenhouse so as not to disrupt other magical races. The heliopaths were rejected entrance due to how dangerous their presence would have been, but I believe everyone else was welcomed.

"Blood wards were drawn up with all of the remaining members of the Harris family, as Rowena Ravenclaw herself was a Harris before her marriage. Several score of wizards made Hogwarts their home, as theirs had been destroyed. Eventually not even the protections there could hold, as the temperature rose and fires were slowly closing in on them, eating away the forest. The merfolk were some of the first to die, as water became a more precious commodity.

"Some of the creatures went mad and began to attack others. Some of the wizards too. Finally the last of the protections fell and the fires flashed through from all sides." Ripruck shook his head shamefully. "The goblins did all they could to protect her, but it was insufficient. The majority of the paintings and various magical items around the castle had been gathered together and guarded separately. As the last of the wizards died, and more than half of the goblins, the phoenixes began grabbing the goblins and transporting them to the areas outside the vaults down here. The goblins brought with them many of the things and we have saved all that we can."

Harry's eyes widened. "You saved the contents of Hogwarts?"

Ripruck nodded, "As much as we could."

"The library?" Harry asked immediately.

Ripruck nodded. "There are dozens of trunks filled to their magical capacity with your books."

"My books?" Harry repeated quietly.

"It was in the best interests of the Potter family," Ripruck grinned widely. "Goblins are nothing, if not profitable for our interests."

Harry was overcome with relief that arguably the finest collection of magical knowledge was intact. The fact that it belonged to him seemed unimportant in comparison.

"What about the other vaults? The Gamps, Burkes, and… Griffiths, was it?" Harry asked.

Ripruck shook his head. "Within fifty years, they all too crumbled and collapsed. Their vaults' contents and fortunes were also claimed for the House Potter. This vault is all that remains, and the goblins here are, we believe the last of all the goblins. The fires consumed the remaining area melting even the rock, sealing away both exits and dangers. The vault provides us with the air necessary, as all the vaults always have. We have a water system set-up to recycle that which is used, while refilling the tanks as needed. Our entire society is completely contained and protected from the elements that have, to the best of our knowledge, eliminated every other species." Ripruck nodded towards Fawkes, "Aside from the phoenixes, to whom many of us owe our survival."

Harry looked up at Fawkes. "Did you help do all that?"

Fawkes hopped down onto the table and nodded proudly.

Ripruck answered, "They occasionally come to visit, and when they have young we provide them with food. I'm not sure what else they eat, but I believe there is a mother who lives nearby. She brings her young with her somewhat frequently."

Harry nodded. "I think we saw her. Probably surprised her a bit."

"Made her drop her baby," River added, making Fawkes snicker in amusement.

Harry turned to the healthy bright red bird sitting on the table next to him. "Is that right Fawkes? Do you know if there are other places like this? Where life has found a way to survive?"

Fawkes turned serious and bowed his head shaking it.

"Nothing?" Harry asked in surprise. "Not even heliopaths or dementors? _Muggles_?"

Fawkes shrugged and shook his head negatively.

"That's horrible," Harry whispered.

Fawkes just nodded his head sadly.

"So what do we do?" Harry asked aloud looking to Ripruck.

The old goblin pursed his lips together and said, "Well, I think the first order of business should be siring an heir."

Harry rolled his eyes and saw Fawkes seemed to find this quite funny. Fawkes looked over at River and was tilting his head trying to judge her worth, while stealing glances back at Harry.

Harry saw River could feel Fawkes' stare and she was getting uncomfortable. He reached over and smacked the bird on the beak. "Stop it!" Harry turned back towards Ripruck and answered, "Okay, I'm not even sure that's possible, nor anything I have any interest in doing."

"Well," Ripruck agreed. "If you wish to doom us all, that is your right… Master."

"It's nice to see you goblins haven't lost any of your scruples," Harry replied ignoring River's quick change in demeanor to amusement. "Moving forward then, what's the _second_ thing we do?"

"Can I assume you've all arrived on a spaceship and are planning to fly back to whatever planet you came from?" Ripruck asked.

Harry nodded. "They've actually just discovered a new technology to make flying much quicker. It used to be about a sixty year ride, but with this new technology it only takes three weeks."

Ripruck nodded in thought. "And this new technology is stable?"

Harry smiled weakly ignoring Antonio's harsh frown. "I… umm… well yes it seems so, but this is actually the first field test. I kinda hijacked it from the government because I wanted to see what happened to Earth-That-Was."

Ripruck chuckled and grinned. "I see you continue to live up to your historical reputation. All of us are familiar with many of the details of your history, though some of it may have been exaggerated through time. Do you believe the wizarding settlements are safe for goblins? We could perhaps accompany you and see if your… _terraforming_ is compatible with goblin magic and life force?"

Harry exhaled slowly and sighed. "There's a bit of a snag there."

* * *

"Oooh," Kaylee grinned. "And what is that?" 

"That's a toilet," Digdug grunted.

Jayne looked inside the tiny metal box. "No magazines? Wait! No toilet paper?"

"That's what the brush is for," Digdug sneered.

Mal felt a bit ill noticing the so-called brush with metal bristles that looked more like needles.

"I've noticed the temperature is a bit on the cool side," Zoe asked, wanting to change the direction of the conversation immediately. "Do you use magic to keep it that way?"

Digdug found their ignorance intriguing and curled his lips into a smile. "The magic of the vault provides the ventilation. We altered it to make the conditions ideal for living. It is also the median balance for our gardens."

"Gardens?" Kaylee asked. "How could you have gardens down here?"

Digdug smiled dangerously. "Magic, of course."

"Can we see them?" Kaylee asked hopefully, loving all these strange and amazing things.

Digdug huffed and led them towards a pair of sealed rooms. "This is for the dark roots," He pulled open the cold metal door and they felt a rush of cool, brisk air. Digdug lifted the torch off the wall to the left of the door. He held it just inside the door illuminating cavernous chilly space that was clearly far larger than physically possible judging from the outside.

Digdug growled lightly and gestured inside with what he hoped was a welcoming fashion. Jayne, Mal, Inara, Zoe, and Simon all stuck their heads in for a brief moment. Kaylee on the other hand was fascinated and took a couple steps in. She reached down and felt the cold dirt, letting out a happy giggle at how cool it was.

"Various parts are colder than others, but all of these plants need no light to grow," Digdug explained. He impatiently turned towards Kaylee still in the eerie dark garden. "If you're quite finished."

"Oh sorry," Kaylee smiled at him and apologized, backing out of the room.

Digdug swung the metal door shut and sealed it. "Socktrap is in charge of the dark garden, though several others work with him."

Digdug walked over to the next sealed metal box and pulled the door open. A blast of hot air and blinding light came rushing out of the room. Digdug knew it was coming and waited for Kaylee.

"Wow," Kaylee gasped. She blinked away the brightness and walked into the even larger garden than the dark one. The entire ceiling was spelled to act as a sun and everything was basking in light, nearly whiting it all out.

"We have more plants that require light, but need coolness in the roots," Digdug explained while the others tried to look into the room. Kaylee walked out and the goblin swung the door shut. "Clickboot, Knickknack, and Slog are the three that run the light garden."

Simon was still slightly blinded by the light in the room. "And you're able to grow enough to feed everyone?"

Digdug coughed and hacked up something unpleasant that he spat ten feet to his right. A loud ding indicated it had landed in the spittoon he had been aiming for. "We use the roots for a number of things including food, medicines, and my personal favorite, whiskey. We could survive on only them, but our primary food source is still Master's pouches."

"Oh!" Jayne, in a particularly out of character moment, recalled, "Harry said he had a pouch that made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!"

"You remembered that?" Mal asked impressed.

Jayne shrugged. "Yeah. It sounded yummier than ham cubes."

Digdug thought that seemed a sort of random thing to say but nodded. "We also have one that makes cheese and an ever-full pitcher of… _pumpkin juice_. Vile liquid, absolutely disgusting."

"That does sound pretty bad," Simon admitted, trying to imagine a pumpkin flavored beverage.

"It's worse than you think," Digdug assured him. "But if anything happened to our water reservoirs, it would become invaluable."

"You'd probably get used to the taste then," Kaylee answered. "Might even grow to like it."

Digdug harrumphed and sneered. "I'd rather bathe in whiskey."

"You bathe?" Jayne crudely blurted out.

Digdug just nodded, not really offended at the insinuation. "Would it be… improper for me to ask a question?"

Zoe shook her head. "Fire away."

"What!" Digdug snapped fearfully. "Where?"

"Sorry," Zoe said quickly. "I meant you should feel free to ask your question."

Digdug growled again, knowing how dangerous out of control fires could be. He grunted and almost gently inquired, "What's it like?"

"What's what like?" Inara asked.

Digdug grunted again. "The sky, the surface, the planet, your planet… what's it like?"

The others suddenly realized how confined the goblins' existence was. How little they had been exposed to beyond stories passed down through time. Mal surprisingly answered before anyone else could. "She's beautiful. The sky, I mean. Endless black, empty space, freedom… the sky is my home."

Digdug's face split into a hopeful smile which to the others looked as if he was considering eating them. "Your… home?"

Inara nodded. "We live on a spaceship. Transporting goods from planet to planet. Most of the time we're just floating in the black on Serenity."

"Serenity?" Digdug asked not really even understanding the idea of outer space beyond the little he had learned.

"That's my boat," Mal answered proudly. "Had her eight years now and she runs like a top. Thanks in large part to Kaylee here."

"I'm the mechanic," Kaylee cheerfully added. "Serenity's a beauty."

Another goblin hurried towards them with River following behind. She was mimicking his little waddling steps and trying to make the same stern facial expression. The goblin walked right up to Digdug and began chattering wildly in Gobbledegook.

Simon looked at his sister in amusement. "Everything okay?"

River nodded and relaxed her face of the stern goblin-like stare. "Harry's talking to the painting of his wife and Antonio is freaking out over the time."

Digdug was chattering just as fast with the other goblin, before he suddenly turned towards the others. "Tour's over. Follow me."

"What was that you were just speaking? When you said _mekvak-blad gaddarak vik-por-vik gackgack_?" River asked, repeating the last phrase in perfect Gobbledegook.

Digdug had started to lead them when he turned to her in shock. "I was telling him that we'd come now. Do you… do you know Gobbledegook?"

"Is that what the language is?" River asked curiously. "It reminds me a bit of Tobrik."

"Tobrik?" Digdug asked curiously.

Simon was looking at his sister in amazement. He answered for her, "Tobrik was a language River created when she was eleven."

Digdug looked at her impressed. "You created a language when you were eleven?"

"I was bored," River shrugged. "_Miktatit siktockwock_."

"Interesting," Digdug sneered and actually meant it. "Follow me."

"So does everyone here speak Gobbledegook?" Inara asked as they hurried to keep up with Digdug.

"Yes," Digdug answered. "Probably only about half has learned much English. Father insisted I study it ever since I was young."

Digdug and the seven cosmonauts returned to the conference room and found Harry standing there talking to the painting.

"What's up?" Mal asked curiously.

"This is terribly interesting," Antonio admitted forcefully. "But the Alliance is going to know something is up if we stay too long. Soil samples, mixed with audio and video were the planned extent. One hour, tops, and then turn right around. We're already behind schedule."

Ripruck interrupted. "We shall be having a small feast in the Master's honor and then you must be on your way."

"Feast?" Jayne asked, petting his hungry belly.

Ripruck answered, "Our finest chef, Snotblock, is currently brewing the jelly soup, and putting together some delicious fried peanut butter and cheese sandwiches."

"It sounds… lovely," Inara replied with a forced smile.

"As long as there's whiskey," Jayne agreed.

Ripruck and Digdug were talking to each other in Gobbledegook whispers when Digdug suddenly shrieked loudly. He coughed and spat over to his left. The projectile flew a good twenty feet and let out a loud ding as it landed right in the spittoon. Digdug smiled a big toothy grin at everyone and ran out of the room.

"Was that a… happy face?" Mal hesitantly inquired.

Ripruck nodded. "Yes, my son was quite pleased to hear of his newest duties to our Master and went to go pack."

"Pack?" Zoe asked. "He's coming with us?"

"Yup, just him for now," Harry nodded, silently waving his proper wand towards his suit. It quickly expanded and gave the impression of a pregnant giant. "He'll ride with me to get back to Mr. Universe."

"Oooh," Inara winced. "He might not be too happy with us."

Harry shook his head and waved his communicator in the air. "He wasn't, but he knows what's up. He's been careful not to expend too much fuel, but he's been killing time scouring around up there. Was whining about something weird too, but I don't know if he even understands what being a spaceship entails."

"You know you can't bring too much back," Simon said. "There's barely any space as it is, and with Digdug…"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh you think so, Doctor? I hadn't quite realized there wasn't space on the ship. Relax I'm going to have one small trunk in my pocket."

Ripruck stood up suddenly as a revelation struck him. "Of course!"

"What?" Harry asked curiously.

"You will take a cabinet with you!" Ripruck announced. "Perhaps two to be on the safe side. This will be perfect."

"A cabinet?" Zoe asked unsure what good a little piece of furniture would be.

"Yes," Ripruck nodded. "Harry owns three pairs of vanishing cabinets."

"I do?" Harry asked not remembering those.

"The Harris family used to have one pair," Ripruck answered. "And the Burkes had two. This way you can easily travel back here and we can get you anything else you need."

"That_ is_ perfect," Harry realized. "But… do you think they will work across this much distance?"

"Why wouldn't they?" Ripruck asked curiously. "It is magic."

Harry chuckled. "Good point, Ripruck."

Simon raised his hand in the air. "A little help for the freak-uninformed?"

"Vanishing cabinets," Harry explained, "got their name because the pairs got separated and locating two that matched was especially difficult. And when people wanted to dispose of something they would put it in their cabinet, where it would vanish. Around muggles, wizards would use them as trash cans. But they were actually always linked and part of a matching pair. Put something in one cabinet, close the cabinet. And it would appear in the other."

"So we bring those back with us," Zoe summarized.

"Just one of each matching pair," Harry nodded. "And yes, we'll have our own little instant cupboard to Earth here."

"That's brilliant," Kaylee added. "You can get all your stuff, and give the goblins things they might need too."

"Exactly," Harry agreed. "But also, we can go into it, and come right back to Earth. Or if something happens to me, and the vault's protections die, the goblins can evacuate to safety."

Ripruck looked up in surprise. "I hadn't even considered that. I knew if Digdug was successful in finding us a suitable home, we could travel through them, but I didn't even realize that it takes away some of our reliance on you and your future progeny."

A goblin scurried into the room and barked angrily in Gobbledegook. Ripruck turned towards the nine humans and one phoenix. "Our meal is ready. Would you like to eat here? Or would you prefer to assemble all of your vassals?"

"Umm," Harry considered. "Would it be rude to just eat here? I'd prefer that you all continue living however you like best. And thinking of me as your Master as little as possible."

"Let's eat here then," Ripruck nodded. "I don't believe many of them like you."

"Great," Mal said. "We're surrounded by people that don't like you."

"It is nothing Harry has done," Ripruck answered waving in the goblins with the food. "Goblins are proud and, historically, bow to no one. We were forced to swallow our pride and instincts to survive. It is a situation in which nothing can be done and the fact that our very existence does in fact depend on a wizard is a truth that brings us shame."

Plates with sandwiches and a small pile of some brownish sprouts were set out in front of each person. Bowls of purple water were placed to the side.

"You need not fear anything from us," Ripruck misinterpreted the uncomfortable looks on people's faces. "We do not seek freedom, nor wish you harm. Please, eat up."

Harry picked up one of his sandwich halves and bit into it. He was slowly chewing it and swallowed, all the while with a painful smile on his face. He tried to think of an honest compliment. "That's some crunchy peanut butter."

"Excellent," Ripruck nodded and began to dig into his food.

The others also slowly began to eat the food in front of them, not wanting to offend the goblins. "Mmm," Inara groaned in disgust with a smile plastered across her face. "It just slips right down your throat."

Jayne was eating his with gusto. He seemed awfully surprised to admit it but happily cheered, "These are good!"

Simon clearly still had a bite in his mouth, but was gaping at Jayne in fear while he cautiously chewed.

River was taking her sandwich apart and folding them into two separate halves. When she saw Ripruck looking at her curiously, she explained, "I'm more in the mood for a fried cheese sandwich and a fried peanut butter sandwich, than just one large fried cheese and peanut butter sandwich."

Ripruck nodded, thinking these humans were even odder than the stories he'd been told.

Zoe and Antonio quickly copied River's idea and found the tastes to be far more bearable when split.

Jayne had finished his off and was looking up with a smile.

Simon immediately offered, "You know I'm really not that hungry at the moment. Jayne, would you like the rest of mine?"

"Sure," Jayne agreed, not about to turn down an offer of more.

Harry was watching Fawkes, who'd just stuck his beak into Harry's jelly soup and was slurping particularly loudly. Fawkes noticed Harry staring at him and finally lifted his beak from the sugary soup that was still dribbling off his chin.

"How's the soup?" Harry asked,

Fawkes opened his mouth to chirp and let out the phoenix equivalent of a burp.

"Nice," Harry agreed and motioned for Fawkes to help himself to more. Harry finished off the last of his sandwich after having numbed his taste buds when Ripruck wasn't looking. "My compliments to Snotblock. This will be a meal I will never forget."

"Excellent," Ripruck agreed swallowing the last of his food and licking his lips quite thoroughly. "And I do not wish you to worry, Harry. No matter our opinion of our situation, or of you for that matter, we are all vassals of the House Potter and we will always serve the family's best interests, including protecting the allies and friends of the family." Ripruck bowed his head towards the others.

Harry smiled weakly and sat back. "I appreciate that. And if you'd like, please let it be known that I am proud to see the goblins found a way to survive a situation, hardly any others could. Not as a master proud of his vassals, but as one magical creature proud of another noble race and species."

Ripruck nodded in agreement. Digdug came into room, dragging a large trunk on wheels. "I am ready."

"We should go," Antonio agreed pushing the rest of his plate away. "Thank you for your hospitality, Ripruck."

"Yes, thank you," Mal agreed. "It was very... interesting."

Ripruck grinned. "And more importantly, profitable for all of us."

Harry pulled out his device and made sure Mr. Universe had landed and was waiting for them. Fawkes suddenly disappeared in a flash of fire.

"Umm… did our ride just ditch us?" Jayne asked. "Again?"

Harry shook his head. "Fawkes will be back momentarily."

"Where'd he go?" Jayne asked.

Harry stopped and looked up. "I don't know." He turned back towards the portrait of Luna who just smiled at him. Harry took the portrait down and shrunk it down to the size of a matchbook. He put it inside his spacesuit and secured it.

He then walked over and shrunk down Digdug's trunk. He put that in his pocket too while Digdug was saying goodbye to his father. In the most compassionate move he'd ever seen from a goblin, Ripruck shook his son Digdug's hand… with two hands.

Harry was happy to see Digdug had the sort of smile that seemed to look vindictive and predatory. He suspected that was the expression indicating pure bliss.

Digdug turned to Harry and looked up expectantly. "Master?"

"Please, just call me Harry," the wizard requested. "It's going to be a tight fit, but you're riding with me. These spacesuits are the only thing that protect us from the air on the surface."

Digdug nodded. "Yes, Harry." He stuck his hands out expectantly, waiting to be picked up.

Harry tried not to snicker as he lifted the goblin and dropped him down in the suit. Digdug spread his legs to slide into the pants and was facing away with his back pressed up against Harry's belly. The top of his head didn't even come up to Harry's chest.

"It smells like crotch in here, Harry," Digdug noted from inside the spacesuit.

Harry laughed and was going to cast a charm to make it smell better when Digdug added, "I kinda like it."

Harry was suddenly feeling a little more uncomfortable sharing a spacesuit with the goblin. Unsure what to say, Harry was saved from having to respond by the reappearance of Fawkes, who was carrying the crew's tenth spacesuit.

Harry was about to say something when his communication device started blathering, "Harry! Harry! I told you something weird was going on! That fire-turkey stole a spacesuit!"

Harry saw Fawkes was as amused as he was and calmed the young spaceship down. "Relax Mr. U. I think Fawkes believed Digdug might like to actually see the surface, as opposed to the darkness in my spacesuit."

Fawkes dropped the suit down while Harry hefted the goblin out and away from his own body. Harry took his wand, resized the final spacesuit to fit the goblin, and got him situated. Harry wondered if Fawkes also knew how uncomfortable he was feeling in close proximity to a goblin that liked the smell of his crotch. Either way, he was grateful for the phoenix's forethought.

Armed with two shrunken vanishing cabinets, Luna's portrait, a trunk full of stuff, a trunk of Digdug's stuff, and some actual truths about what happened on Earth-That-Was, Harry was ready to go. They all linked hands and Harry grabbed a hold of Fawkes' tail as they disappeared in a burst of fire.

When they reappeared on the surface, they all began to walk towards the small spacecraft, except for the tiniest new cosmonaut. He hadn't moved since Fawkes had set them down. Fawkes tapped his beak on Harry's helmet. Harry stopped and noticed Digdug was just standing there in a stupor.

"You guys go on through the airlock first," Harry assured them and went back to make sure the goblin was okay.

"I'll grab the kit and get the soil samples," Antonio stated, making his way onto the ship first.

"Digdug?" Harry asked. "You okay?"

"It's beautiful," Digdug said in amazement.

"Hmm," Harry smiled at the awestruck goblin. "It's funny, you know. When I saw what had become of the planet, I was horrified. For me, it was like a nightmare. But for you? Yeah, this just may be the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. No offense to the vault or anything."

"I always wanted to see the rest of the world that only existed in stories," Digdug explained. "But nothing could have prepared me for this."

"Wait till you see some blue skies or oceans," Harry argued. "Hmm… one day I'll need to figure out a way to get you to a zoo. There's a lot more than goblins out there."

"I'm all set," Antonio interrupted waiting by the ship as everyone else had already boarded.

"We're coming," Harry replied and looked down at Digdug. "You ready?"

Digdug nodded and began to walk towards Antonio and the ship.

Harry looked at the phoenix on his shoulder. "Thank you, Fawkes, for everything."

Fawkes looked at Harry incredulously and shook his head.

Harry smiled, having hoped for this. "You're coming with us, aren't you?"

Fawkes just nodded, slightly offended that Harry hadn't known.

Harry grinned happily as he followed Antonio and Digdug onto the ship and into the airlock. Fawkes squawked indignantly as the small room was depressurized and the temperature cooled so drastically. Harry laughed at the ruffled feathers on the immortal creature and got pecked pretty hard once he took off his helmet.

They all got out of their spacesuits and walked up towards the front. Mr. Universe swung the engine room door shut behind them. River was sitting in the pilot's seat, but wasn't doing anything as Mr. Universe was handling the flying now. He reminded them that he finished first in his class, even beating out the young Hoban Washburn for top honors. Considering their reliance on him, no one pointed out that Mr. Universe had cheated to get that grade.

The exhausted group held on tight as they flew up and away from the planet's surface. Kaylee was holding up Digdug so he could see out the window. Harry went and claimed one of the empty bunks and was relaxing, Fawkes nestling in near his feet. Harry was wondering how he could have found the planet was practically a total loss, Hogwarts castle completely dead, and nearly all magical life extinguished but still come out feeling like things had been such a success.

Harry was just about to fall asleep, as he heard them announce they'd left the atmosphere, when Mr. Universe's loud voice interrupted. "Oh no you don't, Harry! You need to figure out what's going on here. I'm telling you, something freaky is on this ship. And I don't mean the fire-turkey, goblin, or Simon. There's something here!"

Harry groaned and realized he wasn't going to get any rest just yet.


	26. CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE: Annoyances and Pet

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE – Annoyances and Pet Peeves**

"Alright, Mr. F.U.," Harry admitted sitting up from his bunk.

"Are you really going to continue calling me that?" the speaker nearest to Harry tiredly asked.

"Would you prefer Frank?" Harry asked curiously. "Because there are two distinctly different versions of you and you can't both be Mr. Universe."

"Does this mean you'll actually call my digital intelligence Mr. Universe?"

Harry grinned, "Sure thing, Mr. F.U."

"And then you'll call me Mr. F.U.?" the newly christened ship inquired.

"Yup," Harry agreed. "Though you know the F is for Frank not Firenze."

"Yes, I know," Frank the ship replied. He smarmily added, "And I think I can live with that."

"_Live_," Harry chuckled. "Funny guy. So why do you think there's something freaky? Any idea where to look?"

"Check the engine room," Frank instructed. "And it's weird. I'm not going to pretend to know everything about being a spaceship, but it makes me think of… indigestion."

Harry had his proper eleven-inch Holly with a Fawkes tail feather wand in hand and stopped walking to clarify, "You've got gas, Frank. That's perfectly normal."

"Oh ha-ha-hah. Just look!" the ship ordered in frustration. "I'm not going to engage the hyperdrive until you're sure it's safe."

Harry nodded silently, assuming he was in view of a camera and stuck his head into the engine room. The standard engine was humming loudly, as they flew further and further from Earth-That-Was before they'd have a clear line of empty space for stabilizing the new technology of the hyperdrive. Harry was looking around, wondering if some mutant house-elf heliopath might have snuck on board. Or worse, a baby phoenix got sucked into a fan somewhere. "Hello?" Harry asked loudly in the empty room. "Anyone there?"

Harry pretended to be sneaking up towards the engine and whipped his head down looking under lip the helmets were secured on. "If you were there, would you tell me?" Harry asked, having doubts there was anything around here. The hyperdrive engine was the closest thing to a sense of magic he could feel. "Dark Lord of Indigestion, I summon thee! Show yourself and be judged!"

"Oh shut it," Frank grumbled.

Harry shook his head. "Sorry, Frank, but I don't think there's anything here."

"Fine, whatever," Frank sighed as the hyperdrive engine began to spin. "_I'm_ the crazy one."

Harry hurried out of the room before the experimental engine was given the opportunity to explode in his face. The ship began to tremble as the hyperdrive was warming up. "Don't wait until I get secured in place or anything," Harry complained as he struggled to keep his balance.

Harry made his way back towards the bunk where Fawkes was resting comfortably paying little attention to the deep rumbling and shudders running throughout the ship.

"Oooh," Frank cooed over the vibrations of the ship. "That feels good."

Harry was bracing himself in the small inset bed.

"Heads up, Harry!" Frank called quickly.

Harry heard a shrieking and reached out just in time to grab the young bouncing goblin as he was about to fly past.

"Whoa!" Digdug called, grabbing onto Harry's arm as Harry swung him into the bed.

"Careful there," Harry replied over the loud violent shaking.

"Thanks Harry," Digdug grinned, hanging on tightly to his master.

Simon's nauseous moan turned into a yelp of fear.

"Harry?" Frank called out again.

"Got him," Harry replied grabbing a hold of Simon's ankle as he somersaulted by. Harry held the doctor and goblin in place as the shuddering of the ship reached a crescendo. Just as suddenly as the first time, everything smoothed out and the ride steadied and settled into near silence.

"My apologies, folks," Frank's voice echoed from all speakers. "But we've stabilized and should be sailing smoothly from here on out."

"Maybe next time, you want to wait until _we_ get secured in place?" Harry suggested to the cheeky ship. "Or at least I can put some pillows down."

Kaylee came hurrying towards them. "Simon! Digdug! Are you guys alright?"

"Oww," Simon groaned rubbing his head.

"Oh Digdug!" Kaylee apologized. "I'm so sorry! I thought I would be able to hold onto you. This is all my fault."

Digdug became uncomfortable seeing the human female looking at him with an emotion he'd never seen before.

"Don't worry," Simon grumbled noticing how little attention his girlfriend was paying to him. "I'm fine." He was pressing the knot on the back of his head that was beginning to swell.

Harry pointed his wand at the back of Simon's head and sent a silent healing charm, immediately easing the soreness and reducing the swelling.

"Thanks," Simon replied as his head was feeling noticeably better. He then remembered his tumble and added, "And thanks."

"No problem Doc," Harry grinned.

"You're not hurt are you?" Kaylee asked checking Digdug out, looking for bruises that wouldn't show up on his dark skin anyway.

Digdug was getting more and more nervous. "Master," he whispered. "Help!"

Harry chuckled. "Relax Kaylee, he's fine."

"Are you sure?" Kaylee worriedly asked.

Digdug just nodded inching further away from the young woman.

Harry put a hand on Kaylee's shoulder holding her back from rushing forward and hugging the frightened creature. "Goblins are made of tougher stuff than us humans. Unlike the unintentional gymnastics your boyfriend was doing."

"Oh he'll be fine," Kaylee smiled. "Won't you, hon?"

Simon grumbled affirmatively.

"See?" Kaylee grinned. "I'm just glad no one was hurt."

Simon was still mumbling indignantly believing someone _had_ been hurt.

"Harry!" Frank called out frantically. "The freakiness is back!"

"Oh brother," Harry grumbled. "Hey Doc, you mind going back to the engine room and humoring this bucket of bolts we're riding?"

"Fine," Simon agreed. "Not like anyone will miss me around here."

Kaylee gave her retreating boyfriend's back an odd look, before triple-checking that Digdug was alright.

Simon wasn't sure why he was feeling jealous of the odd, unfriendly magical creature. He opened the door to the engine room and looked around. The hyperdrive engine was all lit up, with light shining through the seals on its protective casing. He looked around the room, saw nothing out of the ordinary, and turned back towards the door just in time to get smacked in the face.

"_Lao tyen yeh_!" Simon yelled as he took off from the engine room. Harry came running as soon as Simon yelled and hurried into the room just as Simon ran from it. Harry was whipping his head around looking for signs of anything, seeing nothing at all. He saw the hyperdrive was glowing normally and didn't sense anything new in there.

Harry walked back to the beds where Simon was just standing there freaked out.

"I've been slimed!" Simon screamed in horror. "What the hell was that?"

"I couldn't find anything," Harry admitted while inspecting the thin globs of goop on Simon's face. "What did you see?"

"It was a ghost!" Simon gasped. "An ugly one with an orange tie! It slapped me!"

"Ghosts are colorless and incorporeal," Harry explained. "It couldn't have been a gho…" Harry closed his eyes as realization dawned on him. "Oh no."

Harry saw Fawkes was looking amused as he turned to go back to the engine room. "Don't worry," Harry called over his shoulder as he left Kaylee and Simon. "Well… not too much anyways."

Harry opened the door to the small empty room and saw the glowing, happily purring hyperdrive engine. It pained him to say it, but he ordered loudly, "PEEVES!"

An ugly little head with haunted, dark eyes stuck itself out from inside the hyperdrive casing. It looked at Harry fearfully and spoke in an extremely warbled voice. "Reez?"

Of all the things that could survive on Earth-That-Was and would tagalong uninvited on the experimental ship, this was one of the least welcome for Harry. "Oh Peeves."

"Reez?" the poltergeist asked in his odd high-pitched voice as he floated up from the hyperdrive, revealing his usually outlandish outfit was torn and frayed at the edges. Peeves was looking at Harry in confusion.

"Reez?" Harry repeated looking at the poltergeist who had clearly seen better days. "What's reez?"

"Reez?" Peeves repeated sadly.

Harry sighed and looked at the somewhat pathetic magical entity. "You forgot how to speak, didn't you?"

"Rargle ruggle?" Peeves replied curiously.

"Great," Harry said. "This is just great."

"Roo?" Peeves mumbled.

Harry smiled sadly at Peeves. He pointed towards himself, "Do you remember me? Potter?"

"Roddy?" Peeves asked.

"Yes, Roddy," Harry agreed. "Potty, potty, Potter, you rotter. That's me."

"Roddy!" Peeves said happily. "Reez!"

Harry chuckled, knowing things had been going abnormally well for too long. "Do you understand me?"

"Roddy?" Peeves answered.

Harry shook his head. "What are you doing here, Peeves?" he asked, not expecting any answer.

"Reez miss huggy!" Peeves said frowning. He floated down and rested his cheek on the hyperdrive casing wrapping his arms around it. "Huggy!"

"Huggy," Harry repeated. "Perfect. Peeves, can I trust you not too do anything that's going to make me want to exorcise you from the ship?"

"Reez miss huggy!" Peeves repeated.

"Be good, Peeves," Harry said shaking his finger at the clearly insane poltergeist. "I'll be back."

"Reez!" Peeves cheered and added sadly, "Roddy."

"Right," Harry agreed leaving the poltergeist alone with his 'huggy.'

"I told you it was freaky," Frank answered as Harry slowly walked out of the engine room. "I told you."

Harry walked past the empty beds and saw the others were all crammed up near the front of the ship. Kaylee was still wiping off Simon's face and hair.

"What was that thing?" Simon asked as soon as he saw Harry.

"And did you kill it?" Jayne asked with a grin.

"That was Peeves," Harry explained. "He's a poltergeist."

"He's in Hogwarts, A History," Antonio recalled.

"Actually, he's in the engine room," Frank explained.

"Another tagalong?" Mal asked with a frown. "This one going to endanger us?"

Harry shook his head. "Peeves isn't malicious, he's just annoying. And right now, he's not even himself."

"Any more stowaways we should be worrying about?" Mal retorted clearly not very pleased with the situation.

"Nope," Harry sighed. "Pretty sure the planet killed just about everything else."

"Except this Peeves," Mal pointed out.

Harry shrugged. "A poltergeist isn't really alive. They're most like ghosts, except ghosts were once wizards who died and whose souls didn't move on. Poltergeists didn't used to be anyone. They can turn invisible, they're not really corporeal, but unlike ghosts they can touch and move things at will." Harry tried and failed to keep the smile off his face as he added, "Or slap you if they feel so inclined."

"You can keep this thing on a leash?" Mal asked. "He ain't gonna be tearing up our ride home, right?"

"He'll be fine," Harry admitted. "He seems quite taken with the hyperdrive engine. He was hugging it last I saw."

"You can get rid of him, though, can't you?" Frank asked, not terribly fond of the idea of the inhabitant.

"Well," Harry winced. "Yeah, I can if I have to, but that's only if it's absolutely needed. You're all welcome to go say hi to Peeves, but he wasn't exactly friendly or Mensa material before. And he's been alone so long he's forgotten how to speak."

"I want to see it!" Jayne called out jumping from his seat.

"And I want some sleep," Harry grumbled moving to the side letting Jayne past. "You guys okay with this?"

"Does it matter?" Mal said with a sigh.

Harry had a feeling Mal and him were going to need to have a long talk at some point soon or the next three weeks were going to be really long ones. Harry turned to go back to a bunk. "G'night."

Inara waited until she figured Harry was back to his bunk before she turned to Mal. She was clearly not approving of his attitude, but merely added, "You know a little sleep might do us all a lot of good."

* * *

"Hello?" Jayne asked. "Mr. Peeves?" 

"Reez?" Peeves said jerking his head out the side of the hyperdrive engine casing.

"_Tzao gao_!" Jayne gasped. "You're an ugly one, ain'tcha?"

"Reez!" Peeves nodded happily.

Jayne looked over his shoulder and leaned into the engine room. He was a bit apprehensive of the freakish little ghost thing. He whispered, "I just wanted to say, nice work on slapping Simon. It's sumpin we all wanna do every once in a while."

Peeves just cackled and shook his head floating all the way out and up closer to Jayne.

"Whoa now!" Jayne yelped backing up.

"Roh row!" Peeves tried to repeat happily. "Reez!"

"You ain't so bad, are you?" Jayne relaxed and reached out towards the poltergeist.

Peeves saw Jayne reaching for him and just as he was about to be touched he turned himself invisible and flew right back into the safety of the hyperdrive.

Jayne felt the slightest bit of cold on his fingertips just as he was touching the poltergeist. When it disappeared suddenly, Jayne's eyes widened. "Oops," Jayne said aloud to the empty room. "We'll just not mention this to anyone. Mmm-kay, Frank?"

Frank said nothing but had been watching the interaction. Just as Jayne began to whistle innocently and turn to the leave the engine room, the speaker nearest to Jayne harshly whispered, "Killer!"

Jayne thought it was time to get an alibi at the front of the ship. He passed Harry and saw he was sleeping already. When he got up to the front, he looked at the others and saw River watching the controls with a bored expression. "Hey River," Jayne greeted. "If you wanted to go check out that poltergeist thing, I don't mind taking my shift driving."

"You saw him?" she asked curiously wondering what Jayne was up to.

Jayne nodded. "Yup, funny looking fellow. I think he stole one of your brother's ties."

"Okay," Simon interrupted. "Now that's just uncalled for." He was leaning against the wall, paying little attention to Kaylee as she was describing various fruits to Digdug.

"Frank's flying the ship. You don't have to actually do anything," River stated as she stood up. "But I would like to meet Peeves."

"Cool," Jayne agreed readily. "Dibs on your chair."

River narrowed her eyes at Jayne and wormed her way past him as he jumped right into the pilot's chair. She slowly walked back towards the engine room, noticing Harry had rolled over and was facing the wall. She stuck her head in the engine room and looked around. She walked through the small room and felt the cool casing of the hyperdrive engine. After a few uneventful minutes she turned around and left.

As she walked past Harry she was quietly mumbling, "What was Jayne so nervous about?"

"He thinks he killed Peeves," Harry answered in a normal tone of voice without even turning around. Had he not spoken, River would have assumed he was asleep.

"But then why-"

"He's going to try and blame it on you now," Harry added as he exhaled and continued to halfway nap.

"Really?" River mused out loud. "We'll just have to do something about that."

She went back towards the engine room. "Oh Peeves?" She asked quietly. "Peeves?" She repeated when she got no answer. "Would you like to help me play a joke?"

"Reez?"

* * *

Zoe and Inara were trying to have a quiet word with Mal. Surprisingly backing Mal up, was Antonio. 

"All I'm saying," Mal harshly argued, "is that we're smack in the middle of someone else's headache here. I sympathize with Harry, I really do. But none of us know the first thing about his world. We're probably slowing him down more than we're helping him."

"And so your solution is to just leave him hanging without any help at all?" Inara retorted. "Cut our ties and wish him the best?"

Antonio shook his head. "I found meeting the goblins fascinating. The idea that they were capable of surviving on the planet for centuries when nothing else could indicates just how resourceful and clever they are. But what help can any of us be? He has to spend as much time explaining things as he does trying to accomplish anything. And still we have trouble believing or comprehending the world of magic."

"Exactly," Mal agreed. "I got a boat I ain't ever been away from for this long. We got jobs to do, a business to run. When Harry needs us, when there are circumstances where we can actually help, if he asks, we'll be there as soon as we can. But searching out a new home for a race he suddenly owns? Vassals he's responsible for? Trying to find other wizards like him? That's a full-time job on its own. Our work ain't exactly going to take us to the places he needs to go."

"So because you think he's more trouble than he's worth," Zoe clarified. "You're ready to just send him packing?"

"What good is flying my boat gonna do him?" Mal argued. "He's made miracles happen for River. And that's exactly why maybe it's time he did start searching on his own. No offense Antonio, but picking up Alliance employees don't exactly gel with our usual enterprises or clientele."

"He's got the resources," Antonio nodded. "If anything we're probably holding him back."

"And what?" Zoe argued. "We should just start doing hops between Jiangyin and Persephone? See if Badger's got a line on some dolls?"

"Look," Mal argued. "Wanting things to be a little quieter and a little more normal shouldn't make me the bad guy here. I mean spontaneously combusting birds? A race of tiny goblin people? A poltergeist? And who knows what might turn up next. So far we've only run into things that haven't been out to kill us, but you know it's just a matter of time before some giant snake or Dark Lord starts hunting Harry next."

"Yes," Inara hissed. "And if those things ever showed up, then being near Harry is going to be the safest place in the verse."

"No," Antonio argued. "Being on the other side of the verse from Harry is probably the safest place."

"Oh what would you know," Inara snapped. "You're practically an Alliance desk jockey yourself."

Antonio shrugged and nodded. "True. And while I suspect my opinions on my job and superiors have changed drastically in the last month, I still did choose this life. Action, adventure, and wild goose chases are not my typical Saturday night."

"You know I'd be backing Harry up if he needed me," Mal argued. "But the fact is that he don't. He can magically pop outside of a crashing ship and catch the rutting thing, setting it on the ground. What good are all of us other than as potential liabilities?"

"I know I'm his _friend_," Zoe said emphatically. "And in case you're blind, that's what he needs most. We all know he had been holding out hope that the planet was okay. That he'd find wizards there or at least answers. Instead he had to sort through the rubble and figure out what he could before we all had to leave suddenly."

Mal sighed. "Look, I ain't saying we're ditching him, we're not kicking him out, and I'd call him a friend too. I just think we could all use a dose of normalcy for a while, and if that's not on Harry's agenda, we should at least be open to the possibility that parting ways will be in everyone's best interests."

"If you're expecting us to pick sides," Inara pointed out. "Then maybe you should take a look at just which of our friends need our help the most. The one looking for answers and a lost civilization or the one looking for normalcy away from his other so-called friends."

Mal sighed and grunted. "Yeah… I know."

They all looked up as River was walking like a zombie up towards the bridge dragging her left leg. Her arms were out in front of her and her eyes were open, fluttering back and forth. She tilted her head to the side as she spoke in a deep raspy voice. "I… am… the… spirit… of… Peeves."

"Oh boy," Jayne gulped looking at the others.

River took another step towards Jayne. "You… killed… me."

"No!" Jayne gasped. "It wasn't me! I swear! I didn't do-"

"You… you… muh… muss… must…" River was really playing up the zombie struggling to talk angle.

"What?" Jayne asked in fear. "What is it? I must wha-"

Peeves suddenly burst forward out from River's stomach, making himself visible and letting out several warbled cries of "Rargle rugga raggie rargle!"

Jayne, as River had planned, yelped in fear and jumped back just as all the others began screaming too. Peeves flew right up to Jayne and pushed him backwards out of the chair.

Jayne began to crawl on the floor as fast as he could, leaving the front of the ship, screaming the whole way.

The others were clutching their hearts while River gave Peeves a high-five. "Thanks for helping me get my chair back."

"Reez!" Peeves called out. "Rizza!" He let out a few more warbled yells and flew off chasing the still crawling scared Jayne.

River saw everyone staring at her fearfully and maintained her tiny smile. "Oh that was Peeves. Sorry I didn't properly introduce you, but he's not big on formalities."

Jayne's further shrieking indicated Peeves had caught up with him again. Peeves was warbling loud unintelligible sounds while Jayne was warbling right back at him.

"I bet that woke up Harry," Kaylee pointed out with a wince.

River shook her head. "He put up a silencing charm when I zombie walked past him. Though I'm not sure if he's even been asleep yet."

A wide-eyed Jayne stuck his head back up to the front of the tiny ship. "That was mean," he said to River between panting breaths. "But Peeves is awesome!"

* * *

Harry closed the door to the engine room behind him and announced, "Peeves?" 

The poltergeist in question stuck his head up curiously.

"You seem to have forgotten how to communicate having been away from people for so long," Harry explained while Peeves narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. "I thought you might like to eavesdrop on a conversation just so that you can hear more words and pronunciations again."

Peeves was looking at Harry dubiously.

Harry shrugged, "Or you can ignore me and go back to your huggy, I don't care."

Peeves was eyeing Harry carefully and just slowly floated back inside the hyperdrive.

Harry had a feeling the sad little menace was going to eavesdrop. Peeves just didn't want to act like he needed help. Harry reached into his sleeve and withdrew the portrait he'd retrieved from his vault. He sat it down against the wall and enlarged it.

When Luna had celebrated her eightieth birthday, the happily married couple commissioned their own personal wizarding portraits. Upon their typical compromise of Harry not caring significantly and Luna wishing for something out of the ordinary, they chose an unusual method of portraiture. Considering who they both were and the unknown circumstances of their future deaths, the pictures were made to reflect an attitude of the subjects' choosing that the artist then magically captured without control over the age. They simply picked an emotion of sorts and the magic would define how they appeared. Luna chose to go with feelings of shock and awe.

As such there were two portraits, one featuring a fifteen year old Luna Lovegood in all her odd glory. It was not lost on Harry that Luna was the same age she had been when they first became friends, something Luna had never really made an effort to have before that age. And to Harry's unfortunate luck, his portrait featured a horribly underfed, tiny as could be eleven year old boy who looked a lot closer to eight or nine. Luna thought it was adorable.

Shortly after she'd passed, the portrait's first trigger released and the fifteen year old Luna became aware she was a wizarding portrait and as alive as portraits get. She was linked to only one other picture that she could travel to and from. It had been in their home when Harry went to sleep. The two portraits were similar in that they both depicted a couch, a back wall, and a window showing a sunny day. Harry put the one with the green couch into his vault, while the one with the purple couch was left hanging in the den at their private home. Harry was quite sure the mid-sized house had been destroyed. A Fidelius charm was the only significant protection they ever bothered with and that would have done nothing to guard the home from the elements.

This was why Harry was both surprised and distressed to enlarge the portrait he'd been hanging onto, only to discover that Luna was playing dress-up with her eleven year old unmoving Harry doll on the green couch.

"Luna!" Harry gasped as she was making his pale baby face look like a clown with all the lipstick on his cheeks.

"Oh hi honey," Luna smiled up at Harry from the portrait. "Did you want me to put you away?"

Harry thought the unanimated aspects of portraits were a bit creepy, particularly the fact that his eyes were wide open. "What am I doing here? I thought I would have burned up in the other painting."

"You would have but I saved you," Luna explained and then frowned. "Or maybe I was just playing with you at the right time."

Harry sighed. "Where was I before? You certainly didn't have me out earlier."

"Oh," Luna nodded. "That was for Ripruck. It made him uncomfortable, so I just keep you behind the couch most of the time. Daddy always taught me to put away my toys. Even husbands."

Harry chuckled and shook his head. "Merlin, I've missed you."

"I can imagine," Luna answered. "But it hasn't been that long for you, has it?"

Harry leaned back against the hyperdrive casing taking up the center of the engine room. "For me, it's just been twelve years since…"

"Twelve years?" Luna repeated tapping her chin. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Harry sighed and shook his head. "We were married for 115 years. I think I'm allowed to not move on if I don't want to."

Luna whistled loudly. "That's a long time. So what made you finally kill me?"

Harry rolled his eyes, having had this discussion before. "I didn't kill you. You'd been sick for a while and died comfortably in your sleep."

"Well that's good," Luna grinned. "Although it looks like it's upsetting you. Is there something happier you'd like to talk about? Perhaps you're curious how the humdingers have survived?"

Harry closed his eyes and tried to picture his wife rather than look at the painting. "How _did_ the humdingers survive?"

"Humdingers have litters of hundreds every time they breed. Two or three of the young usually survive and the rest become the food they all live off of until it's time for another litter," Luna explained. "It's like that cow who secretly ran the farm and slaughterhouse. Good businessman, great farmer, but horrible cow."

"You remembered that, did you?" Harry asked with a smile, keeping his eyes closed preferring just the sound of her voice.

"Of course I did," Luna retorted. "The darkest moments in cow history are hard images to shake." Luna let out an involuntarily shudder at how ruthless humdingers and the occasional mad cow could be.

"So what were you doing hanging on the wall of the goblin conference room?" Harry asked as he clasped his hands together and rested them on his lap.

"Giving them an opinion on things," Luna said. "They started asking me lots of questions, but I'm not sure they appreciated my help. It sort of had slowed down to only the big issues."

Harry cracked open an eye and looked at her. "They used you? For advice and opinions?"

"Loony, I know," she said with a roll of her eyes. "But I _am_ the most recent Potter and the closest thing to a proxy opinion for all the remaining living Potter interests."

"Does that mean you suggested the highest ranking goblin should wear your first year robes?" Harry asked accusingly.

Luna was putting her Harry doll away and she plopped down on the green couch lying back against the armrest. "That sounds like something I'd do."

"Yes, it does," Harry admitted with a smile.

"Harry," Luna asked mimicking Harry's movements. She tilted her head towards him and cracked one eye open. "Why did you go away for so long?"

Harry opened his eyes all the way to look at the portrait. "We've discussed this before. You won't remember."

Luna turned her head all the way to look right at him. "I'm not asking for my benefit."

Once more it hit Harry, exactly why he was so frustrated by wizarding portraits. Their existence and limitations would never approach replacing the mere warmth of any substitute real person. But sometimes they were so much more insightful than people blinded by their own emotions. And when you least expect it, it will suddenly feel like Luna is right there all over again. He exhaled loudly and thought about her question. He knew she was right, but he still considered the idea before accepting that he did in fact want to talk about this. Harry stuck his tongue out at the portrait and blew a raspberry. He closed his eyes once more. "I did it for you and for me."

"I was dead," Luna stated. "Maybe it was for your peace of mind about me, but I'm still dead."

Harry grumbled good-naturedly, "Fine, I did it for me."

"Good for you," Luna grinned. "But why?"

"Truthfully?"

Luna nodded. "I'll let you know when I want you to lie."

Harry snickered at the portrait's completely honest response. "I was bored. I missed you plenty, but when you'd been around I was never bored."

"Go on," Luna urged Harry to continue.

"For a little while, I pretended to be other people to avoid crowds," Harry admitted. "Even entered a dueling tournament under an assumed name."

"Did you win?"

Harry shook his head. "I forfeited after my second match. I probably would've won, but the power disparity felt like cheating. And if I kept going, I probably would've been outed or at least attracted more attention than I wanted."

Luna nodded understandingly.

"I traveled some, took a few people with me," Harry admitted. "But it all felt… different. I talked with Simon a fair amount."

"Simon?"

Harry nodded. "Liz's oldest. Do you remember Liz?"

Luna scrunched up her face in thought, "Vaguely."

"She was our goddaughter," Harry reminded. "You always said she was like Ginny, even though none of the other Weasleys could see it. Simon was the last real friend I talked to regularly. He helped me a lot when you died. He understood why I felt so useless though he kept arguing that it was my fault."

"You and your purpose," Luna said shaking her head.

"Yeah," Harry sighed. "_Me and my purpose_. When I was with you, or even Ron and Hermione, it didn't matter. But otherwise, I felt like I was most useful and doing the most good whenever darker elements would corrupt people and there was a need for people to do stand up to them."

"And so going away for a while was going to make you feel less useless?" Luna inquired.

Harry shook his head. "Naw, I didn't feel anything while I was asleep. I was in a stasis. But I figured I could do some good the _next_ time a Dark Lord rose to power, or there was a clear evil to combat. The last couple decades were just tiresome shades of grey and annoying political maneuvering. I disagreed with a lot of things, but my opinion wasn't any more right or wrong than anyone else's. A Voldemort though, now that's a clear and simple evil. Genocide, murder, attacking innocents, that's one thing. But two conflicting opinions where they're all just as wrong as they are right? Unraveling that'd make anyone feel useless."

Luna shrugged. "If you say so."

"Anyways," Harry continued. "The idea was to just kinda take a time-out. So that when I could be useful they'd awaken me, and I could do some good."

Luna looked up towards the window in her painting. "Are you sure you weren't just hoping to die doing something useful? I mean there were no Dark Lords around to sacrifice yourself with a mutual takedown. And maybe you just weren't patient enough to wait for the next?"

Harry furrowed his brow unsure why he wasn't immediately denying that possibility.

"Never mind," Luna said with a small smile. "But your plan didn't quite work the way you'd hoped, right?"

Harry began wondering if maybe his subconscious did have a death wish, or perhaps used to have one before, back when he first went to sleep. He shook his head realizing Luna had asked another question. "I'm sorry. What?"

"I was saying that's not how it happened though, is it?"

Harry sighed. "I still don't even know what happened," he admitted sadly. "I was prepared to wake up in dark and difficult times. A time where I could analyze the situation and get a pretty clear idea who the good guys were and help them. But this? This is nothing like I expected, and in so many ways, it's so much worse."

"Describe it to me," Luna gently ordered.

"I expected to be gone for a few decades, you know?" Harry explained. "I mean, these Dark Lord risings are practically cyclical. There will always be those craving power more than their humanity, and there will always be leaders among those. But instead I wake up almost four centuries later. I find out the planet I knew has been abandoned, and I'm on the complete other side of the universe with none of my stuff. And now, two years later, I still haven't found a single magical person. It took me a couple months to locate a wand even. Not any specific one, just an actual magic wand. I went to sleep because I felt lucky that I'd been blessed with more power than the average wizard. And now I wake up and it's all meaningless. I could have ten times the reserves I do or be a squib and I wouldn't be any closer to figuring out what happened."

"Do you think the witches and wizards went somewhere you've not found?"

Harry sighed. "I hope they did. But my doubts are beginning to overtake my hopes lately. You remember Antonio?"

Luna nodded.

"He's Antonio _Weatherby_," Harry snickered. "And he's the hereditary leader of the Weasley family. Scientifically, he's a wizard. But magically, nothing. Less than a squib."

"How do you know he's the Head of the family?" Luna said with a frown.

Harry shrugged. "It was my spell. I transfigured myself into a hereditary ring and bound it to the Weasley bloodline. Put my consciousness into a stasis. He wouldn't have had the ring to wake me, if he weren't the most direct descendent of the Weasley line."

"Maybe someone altered the ring," Luna argued. "Would you even know?"

Harry sighed and shook his head. "I'm not brazen enough to say it's impossible, but it'd take a pretty impressive bit of magic to do it without me noticing. And that's just it, if there were some evil conspiracy, you'd think by now, two years later, they might have made an effort to kill me? Or silence me? I mean why bother waking me up and leave me to own my devices, when they know I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to figure this out."

"True," Luna nodded. "They'd probably lie to you or leave you breadcrumbs towards a known dead-end. Unless they needed something from you that required you wandering around looking for clues for a few years. You shouldn't discount the possibility."

"I'd never rule it completely out," Harry assured her. He scratched his head. "But yeah, that's the main reason I don't think I'm being manipulated here. It's not as if the answers are being hidden from me. They're out there, probably right in front of me and I just don't want to see them. I'm too stubborn to give up on hope."

"Why do you have doubts overcoming your hope? Just because the Weasleys may have all become squibs you think everyone has?"

"Not just that," Harry replied. "The planet got toasted, and most of the wizards came over on spaceships. But this was a sixty year ride. Who knows what might have happened on that ride. I've located enough wizarding relics that I'm pretty sure some of the magical people had to have arrived. And after what the goblins said, I can't help but wonder if maybe leaving Earth meant we were leaving our magic behind."

"Hmm," Luna answered with a nod. "Maybe Peeves knows."

"What?" Harry asked looking up.

"Rut?" Peeves said from his hovering position on right above Harry.

Harry saw the poltergeist frown at being caught and smiled. "You okay, Peeves?"

"Rim rumble rubble rargle," Peeves grumbled.

Harry nodded. "You miss your huggy?"

"Rawt huggy! Reez miss _hauggy_!" the poltergeist snapped.

"Excuse me," Harry admitted, standing up. "Hauggy."

Peeves stuck his tongue out and managed to blow a raspberry that sent slimy spittle onto Harry's face. He flew up and away, disappearing into the hyperdrive casing again.

"Peeves wasn't exactly sane before," Harry said looking over at the glowing hyperdrive. "But I do wonder how much in his head is still working."

Luna quirked her lips and stated, "You do know he's saying that he misses Hogwarts, right? Not huggy."

Harry blinked. "Yes," he lied. "I knew that."

Luna smiled happily. "Of course you did."

"Hey," Harry said, reaching into his sleeve. "You want to do me a favor?"

"Sure," the teenage Luna agreed and quickly began to undress.

"Whoa!" Harry yelped. "That's not what I meant."

Luna stuck her head back through her jumper that hadn't been entirely removed. "What did you mean?"

Harry sat down a small wooden box and expanded the vanishing cabinet back up to its full size. "You want to work the door on our spiffy magical portal to Earth-That-Was?"

"I used to dream of being a bouncer when I grew up," Luna dreamily commented. She turned to Harry and nodded fiercely. "What do I have to do?"

Harry attached the portrait to the front of the door. "I don't suppose you know how to open a door from your frame?"

Luna shook her head. "Just go with what works. Set it to swing open automatically with a password trigger, and as long as I know the trigger word, I can open it at will."

Harry sighed. "I knew that too."

"Yes," Luna agreed. "You did."

"Any preference on the password?" Harry asked as he recalled the necessary spells. "

Luna was tapping her chin. "How about _Umgubular Slashkilter_? Or do you think that might come up too often in the normal course of conversation?"

Harry smiled, "I think we'll be pretty safe with that one. Are you going to be able to remember _Umgubular Slashkilter_?"

Luna frowned at Harry. "Of course."

"Perfect then," Harry agreed and cast the spell. "Give it a try."

"Umgubular Slashkilter," Luna said as the portrait and vanishing cabinet door swung open. "I think it works."

Harry had walked to the engine room door and summoned his ham cube pouch. He informed Luna, "To close, you just need to say the password backwards."

Without even a pause Luna quickly said, "The password backwards."

The door swung shut and Luna was smiling happily at Harry.

"You're too clever sometimes," Harry grinned at her. "But in case anyone's coming through, they'll probably be knocking on the other side. You can also call people and inform them if something came through the other side. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to tell."

"You gonna to try it out just now?" Luna asked.

Harry nodded. "I think I'll set up a portrait on the matching one for the goblins, and I wanted to ask Ripruck for some cloaks."

"Umgubular Slashkilter," Luna agreed and swung open for Harry. He walked right in and she shut the door behind him.

Harry sat there waiting to feeling some pulling, some tugging, some crazy magical feeling of traveling over an impossibly vast distance. Nothing happened at all though. He was just stuck there in darkness. Deciding something wasn't working he knocked on the door. "Luna! Let me outta here!"

It appeared she was going to be difficult. Harry began to bang on the door, shaking the cabinet. Harry was knocking harder and yelling as loud as he could, "Umgubular Slashkilter! Umgubular Slashkilter!"

Just as Harry was leaning against the door putting his weight into his banging, it swung open and Harry tumbled right down onto Ripruck.

A tangle of tiny goblin limbs and numerous apologies from Harry later, he suddenly realized he'd just discovered the greatest form of magical transportation ever.

"That was amazing," Harry admitted in shock. "I didn't think I'd gone anywhere. Moving from one cabinet to the next is so smooth you don't even notice."

"Anything I can do for you, Harry?" Ripruck asked curiously. "Is Digdug doing okay?"

"Oh… sorry," Harry admitted. "Yeah, Digdug's fine. He and Kaylee have been getting along surprisingly well. And I wanted to talk to you about a couple things."

"Certainly," Ripruck agreed. "How can I be of service?"

"First," Harry handed him the pouch. "I thought you all might be able to make better use of this."

"What is it?" Ripruck accepted the pouch and looked in. "Is that flesh?"

"Ham cubes," Harry answered. "A never-ending pouch of ham cubes."

"No goblin has eaten meat in centuries," Ripruck said. "It will be interesting to have the option again."

Harry shrugged. "Food is food. And ham goes with cheese pretty well."

"Thank you, Harry," Ripruck replied. "And what can I do for you?"

Talking to Ripruck always made Harry feel like the goblin was trying to get rid of him. Harry idly realized that was true of nearly every goblin he'd met. "Well I was thinking maybe I could put a portrait on the door to the vanishing cabinet, that way if someone knocks from the inside, the door can open and you don't have to waste time monitoring it or checking on it."

"Excellent idea," Ripruck agreed. "There are many portraits of your ancestors around, not to mention all of the Hogwarts paintings."

Harry nodded. "I was thinking perhaps Albus Dumbledore's Headmaster portrait might be up for the job."

"It may take a little time to locate him, but that should be no problem."

"The main reason I came though was that I was hoping to get ten of my invisibility cloaks," Harry added.

"Ten?" Ripruck clarified.

Harry nodded. "I know I had a couple dozen before and I wanted to give them as gifts in thanks to my friends. And I definitely want Digdug to keep one with him at all times. I don't think muggles are ready to meet a goblin just yet."

"Of course," Ripruck agreed. "I believe you have thirty-one of them. I will have those located as well."

"No rush," Harry assured him. "We've still got a long flight home but if you wanted to send those through, or even drop in on us in the next day or two, it would be appreciated."

Ripruck agreed immediately and Harry bid him thanks and goodbye, stepping right back into the vanishing cabinet. As soon as the door shut again, Harry waited a moment to see if he could feel or hear anything. He gently knocked on the door. He heard a muffled call of _Umgubular Slashkilter_ and stepped right out.

"It worked?" Luna clarified as the door swung shut.

Harry nodded. "Piece of pie. These cabinets are bloody brilliant."

* * *

The next day Harry was startled to look over his shoulder and see Peeves calmly tapping Harry, trying to get his attention. "Alright there, Peeves?" 

"Missus," Peeves said waving his arm indicating Harry should follow.

Harry followed him back asking, "You miss Hogwarts?"

Peeves grumbled and zoomed over the heads of Kaylee and Digdug blocking Harry's path. When Harry entered the engine room and saw Luna playing with his eleven year old portrait's ears, he suddenly realized. "Oh, you mean the _Mrs_."

"Reeve say Missus!"

"Sorry," Harry apologized to the curiously emotional poltergeist. He turned towards the portrait, "Lumpy Bumpkins?"

"Umgubular Slashkilter," she replied and swung open revealing a note on top of an invisible pile.

Harry picked up the invisibility cloaks, and glanced at the note. It read, "_We've located the portrait but do not know the spells for attaching it._" Harry was reminded that as helpful as most goblins might be, they didn't exactly want to play nice and make friends. They may be curt and get right to the point, but they were always efficient.

Harry stepped into the vanishing cabinet and pulled the door shut. He knocked gently, hoping Ripruck would have been waiting for him. As expected the elder goblin was and opened the door immediately.

"No problems with the cloaks?" Ripruck asked.

Harry shook his head. "Not at all, I figured I'd stick up the portrait, so none of you have to waste time manning the door."

Ripruck just waved towards the portrait leaning against the wall.

"Hello Harry," Albus grinned happily. "You're looking quite young."

Harry rolled his eyes. "It's a glamour, Albus. And I thought you might like getting to do something again."

"Ripruck was kind enough to explain the plan to me," Albus smiled.

Harry lifted the large portrait to the door and began to attach it. He was going to cast the trigger spells, when he turned to Albus and Ripruck. "Either of you have a preference on a password?"

Ripruck just grunted a negative response and Albus's portrait eyes were twinkling. "You know I like to use sweets as passwords."

"Right," Harry recalled the number of times he had been stuck there guessing random candy names wanting to get into the Headmaster's office. He turned to Ripruck, "Perhaps there's a goblin sweet or dessert you'd like to use in compromise?"

Ripruck considered for a moment before saying, "Well, there is _blvkdarrakvabk_."

"Gesundheit," Albus replied.

Harry turned towards the cheeky old headmaster. "I believe that was Gobbledegook, Albus."

"Perhaps there's an English translation that I could pronounce easier?" Albus asked of Ripruck.

Ripruck thought about it and answered, "It's a goblin root that's very sweet, but in English I suppose it means 'chewy dirt.'"

"Chewy dirt!" Albus exclaimed. "Excellent!"

Harry realized how little he knew about his vassals and decided he may need to read up a bit more on them. "Alright, chewy dirt it is. And the password to close the cabinet…?" Harry saw the hopeful smile on Albus' face and jumped in, "And it can't be Lemon Drop!"

Albus frowned harshly and engaged Harry in a six minute conversation on the nuances of altered meanings when plurals are used. Ripruck impatiently cleared his throat loud enough to attract the former Headmasters' bickering. Harry gave in to Albus' requests and set up the passwords to be 'chewy dirt' and the pluralized form of the banned word, 'Lemon Drops.'

"I did some research for you, Harry," Ripruck added just as Harry was about to leave.

"Oh?" Harry stopped in surprise, not expecting this. "What was that?"

"I looked into some of the journals of my ancestors," Ripruck explained. "Inquiring just what the wizards who propositioned them had said."

Harry wasn't sure why he kept getting so uncomfortable around goblins, but nodded, silently pleading for Ripruck to not mean what it sounded like he meant.

"The offer for them was," Ripruck explained ignoring Harry's apprehension, "to build a Gringotts branch in the planned magical alley side of the capital city of Londinium. I thought that alteration of the name was quite peculiar but I assume the muggles have their reasons."

"Londinium?" Harry repeated.

Ripruck nodded. "I do not know if they were going to reuse the name Diagon Alley, but they indicated they were planning to make a magical side even larger than it was here. They discussed the possibility of further branches as more planets were terraformed and civilized, but Londinium was the first planned metropolis."

"It still is," Harry repeated. "Londinium and Sihnon are the two most populous planets. They're neighbors to each other right in the heart of the core."

"Well perhaps your journey will take you there," Ripruck agreed, subtly dismissing Harry.

"Thank you for telling me this, Ripruck," Harry nodded numbly and went back to the vanishing cabinet. "It certainly has given me something to think about."


	27. CHAPTER TWENTY SIX: Magical Discussions

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX – Magical Discussions **

Harry asked Inara and Zoe to come up to the front with him. He saw the tired congregation of people and announced, "I come bearing gifts."

"I like the sound of that," Jayne grinned.

Harry smiled and explained, "I know you all didn't have to come with me. Well except maybe Antonio, he didn't give me much choice."

"You didn't give _me_ any choice," Antonio insisted.

"Fine," Harry rolled his eyes. "Well now I'm giving you something else. I know the magical world hasn't exactly sat well with some of you. Mocking my freakishness is one thing, but I don't think any of us expected to be riding back with a poltergeist, an immortal bird of fire, and a goblin."

"Actually I did," River jumped in.

"You know you don't count," Harry retorted. "And you know you're lying."

"I am not," River pouted.

"You're doing it again," Harry argued.

"Harry," Simon snapped well aware how long those two could carry on for if left unattended. "Can we get to the point?"

"Right," Harry concurred, looking chagrined. "The point is I got you all something extremely useful and magical that shouldn't freak you out. I thought you might all appreciate having your own invisibility cloaks."

"Oh you didn't have to do that," Kaylee assured him accepting her silvery cloak from him. "But thanks!"

"Thank you Harry," Inara said, sending a frown towards Mal. "But you don't have to give us anything."

"I want to," Harry explained, making sure everyone had a cloak. "They're not getting any use sitting in storage, taking up space in the goblin village, and they're one of the few magical things that will be useful for muggles."

Digdug had taken the cloak and was throwing it over his tiny goblin frame, noticing his was smaller than the others. "Harry, you know that any gifts I receive are the property of the family."

Harry shrugged. "Okay. If it makes you feel better this cloak is officially assigned for your use then. I don't think we're ready to announce the existence of goblins to muggles just yet, so you're probably going to need to be hiding under your cloak anytime we're in public."

"I had to hide for a while," River said with a nod. "It's not so bad."

Digdug just looked at River curiously.

"Come to think of it this invisibility cloak would have been real useful then," River commented slipping hers over her head.

"I appreciate the gesture, Harry," Mal said as one of the few currently visible people. "And don't think the meaning is lost on us."

Harry sighed and commented, "I'm not giving you these so that you might be more accepting or understanding of the magical world. I'm not trying to buy your loyalty or friendship. I'm not trying to make you all honorary wizards since there don't seem to be any others left."

"Relax Harry," Mal forced a smile. "Like I said, I appreciate the gesture."

Harry nodded and said, "I was hoping to pick a few folks' brains here but first, Captain? You mind if we have a word?"

"I'm not Captain of this boat," Mal pointed out as he nodded and headed back towards the engine room.

"You all feel free to start brainstorming on where you think wizards might be." Harry said before turning around to follow Mal. "We'll be back in a second."

Harry figured they were out of earshot of everyone but Peeves and Frank. "Something the matter, Mal?"

"What's up, Harry?" Mal answered. "You're the one who wanted to talk to me."

"Alright," Harry admitted honestly. "I'm guessing you want to talk about your feelings about as much as I do, so why don't I take a crack at it and see if you can't stop pissing off the rest of the crew so often."

Mal figured staying quiet would be easier than arguing right now.

Harry was impressed Mal chose silence as he was half-expecting him to get insolent and defensive. "You weren't too keen on coming on this trip in the first place. I'd wager Zoe or Inara played the friendship card, the guilt card, maybe even the camaraderie of the Unification War card, right?"

Mal just raised an eyebrow making no effort to deny any of Harry's assumptions.

"You reluctantly come along, because you don't want to be left behind and I hope I'm not stretching too far here, but also because deep down you do consider me a friend." Harry held up a hand to stop Mal. "Not that you should have to help friends, or that friends would be in the right even asking you to come. Nevertheless, you're a partially willing accomplice in a major larceny from the very people you'd much rather never deal with or even think about."

Mal would have to admit Harry was very astute.

"And then on this trip, you're playing second fiddle to my lead, a position you're not terribly comfortable with because everyone here is following me on my risky and unnecessary pipe dream. We nearly crash and get stranded. But worst of all it's a situation in which you're pretty much helpless and have to rely on me, the source of your frustration. We follow that up with some magical discoveries of phoenixes and Fawkes, who's come back with us. Then we locate the entire goblin nation living in my vault, and they aren't particularly known for their kindness and gratitude."

"I got no problems with the goblins," Mal insisted. "Be nice if we could do business with people that direct and simple."

Harry inclined his head in agreement, thinking that was a pretty good idea. "Now, we're on our way back towards Serenity, and I've gotten a bunch more clues as it seems my hunt for the wizarding world may be heating up. Am I right so far?"

"I think you may be pushing the drama a bit much," Mal replied with a grin. "But I don't disagree."

"Now here's where you're the one pushing the drama too much," Harry retorted with a grin. "You've been making all kinds of assumptions about what I'm doing and where I'm going once we get back. Let me make a few things clearer that you seem to have forgotten." Harry smiled. "I'm Harry, a pilot you hired. I'm not the Captain of your boat. I've got no right to tell you where we should go or what jobs we should take. I'm not a threat to steal your crew from you. In case you missed it, you all coming on this trip was a favor to me. And I'd like to think, I've been grateful for your assistance. I'd also like to think, I've not done anything to give you the impression that I'm going to ditch you all after you do me a favor."

"I get it," Mal jumped in. "It's nothing intentional on your part, but that don't mean it ain't happening."

"Captain," Harry continued. "The point I'm getting at is that the only problem here is with you. You've assembled a hell of a crew here and I think it's a group I fit in right well with. But a lot of this tension is coming from your own arrogance. No one belongs to you. If it comes down to you being unable to work with me, which I don't think it will, then it's not my fault or your fault if River or anyone else wants to head off in the direction I'm headed."

Mal sighed and shook his head. "I know I don't _own_ my crew. But the fact is I'm just looking to do a job here and there. Make enough money to keep in the sky and not have to worry about the Alliance hunting me down. And those plans don't exactly mesh too well with the direction you need to be going."

"I need to be going?" Harry repeated. "Why would I need to be going anywhere?"

"You need to figure out what happened to the wizarding world," Mal argued. "You need to locate a place for your goblins to safely live. You got a ship that's come to life, and a poltergeist haunting it. And I don't even wanna know what you plan on leaving the Alliance when we get back."

"I'll admit I've picked up a few unexpected strays that require some attention," Harry admitted. "But my needs about figuring out what's happened and what's going on haven't changed. I've been working on these things for over two years now. Whether I start on that right when we get back or I put it off for a few weeks or months or even years won't matter much. The goblins have existed on their own for centuries and will continue to. It's not like I'm in a hurry here."

"You're not the sort to put this off for too long," Mal replied. "You know you're too curious to sit back and hop around the rim with us."

Harry shrugged. "Maybe I'm not the sort, but you don't seem to realize I'd rather stay with my friends for a while longer than ditch them all, or worse, leave the Captain who gave me a shot, hanging after all his crew heads off to help me locate the wizarding world. Especially when he went out of his way on an 'unnecessary risk' he wanted no part of."

"Really?" Mal said curiously having apparently not considered this.

"Yes, _really_," Harry smiled at him. "We both know I've got things I could or maybe even should be doing. But I figure we do things your way, give you your dose of normalcy and eventually that part of you that calls me a friend, will get bored. And decide you want to help me figure out what's going on."

Mal grumbled feeling backed into a corner again.

"But until that time," Harry grinned. "I'm still your pilot with a lot of baggage unless you're booting me."

"I ain't booting ya," Mal retorted.

"Lovely," Harry interrupted. "Then try to stop thinking I'm against you here. You're annoying everyone else with your moping. And we got a couple more weeks to share on this tiny ship."

Mal frowned and sighed. "You look too young to make this much sense, Harry."

Harry waved him off. "It's just a façade. Come on, I've got a bunch of intelligent minds here and I'd like to see where you all think the wizarding world might be hiding."

"They might not be hiding, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Harry said and turned to leave the engine room. "But if that's the case then I want to know where, when, why, and how."

Mal nodded and hesitated to follow Harry at first. He had a bit more emotion on his face than usual as he admitted, "Thanks Harry."

Harry understood what he was being thanked for and snapped off a salute. "No problem, Captain. Now I think that's enough honesty and emotion for now. Or Luna over there is going to tell us to hug it out."

"Let's go," Mal said with a roll of his eyes heading right back up to the front.

"Just a second the man says," Simon sarcastically announced as Harry and Mal got back up towards the front.

"You know how Mal gets once he opens up," Harry said shaking his head.

"No," Jayne said furrowing his brow. "I don't."

"The funny man was making a funny, Jayne," Mal frowned.

"Everyone up for a little theorizing?" Harry asked.

"I was thinking of laying down for a bit Harry," Kaylee said regretfully. "I doubt I'd be much good to you."

Harry nodded. "Feel up to doing both?"

"Hmm?" Kaylee asked curiously.

Harry grabbed a hold of Kaylee's hand and hit her with an inversion hex. Kaylee yelped as she suddenly fell upwards towards the ceiling of the small ship. A cushioning charm was cast on the ceiling and Harry let Kaylee fall the rest of the way.

"Oooo," she cooed. "Oh that is nice."

Harry grinned. "There aren't enough good seats here and I was hoping to get input from everyone. So who else wants to relax on the ceiling?"

Jayne and River both seemed to race each other to raise their hands. Harry hit them both with the same inversions and they fell upwards, smacking into the ceiling as if it were a giant pillow.

"Do me!" Inara called raising her hand next.

"If I hafta-"

"Shut it, Jayne!" Mal snapped while Harry sent the hex at the Companion.

Harry turned his wand towards himself and smoothly flipped his body as he fell upwards, moving directly over Antonio. "Alright, there are enough chairs for everyone now. So quick recap of what we know. Magic was doing just fine on Earth. We managed to cock up the planet beyond salvation. Millions of wizards most likely left the planet, some of them hidden among the muggles on their ships. I've located a handful of magical artifacts indicating they probably arrived. The genetic indication of a wizard says that River, Simon, Antonio, and I should all be magical. Not just carrying the recessive gene, but actually magical."

"Isn't that an aberration?" Simon interrupted. "Not counting you, three of the eight people here have the dominant magical gene? I thought it was more uncommon than that."

Harry nodded. "I'm pretty sure it is, but you three all make sense. River's got magical gifts, so if anyone, you'd expect her. You're her brother and it is genetic, so that's not terribly surprising. And Antonio is the most direct descendent of the Weasley family so he's expected as well. We're not exactly a representative percentage here."

Simon nodded in agreement.

"Now," Harry continued. "Since I've been awake, I've been searching for signs of people. I've had Mr. Universe monitoring all reports of unexplainable phenomena, people exhibiting unusual talents, creatures or animals, anything he can find."

"You remembered," Frank jumped in, reminding them all he was a part of the conversation.

"Yes Frank," Harry replied. "I'm going to humor your digital intelligence's ego and refer it to it as Mr. Universe like I said."

"Thank you," Frank answered. "Took you long enough."

"Anyways," Harry ignored him. "There hasn't been much in the way of promising leads. No mentions of accidental magic in children, Reavers are the closest thing to an inexplicable mutation and those seem to be the result of the Alliance playing God. Readers on the other hand seem to be publicly accepted in spite of their unusual and for all intents and purposes magical abilities. There were a couple of odd cases reported, but nothing that sends off all the warning bells. And even those stories turned out unsubstantiated or simply hushed up by the time I got there."

"You think the Alliance is keeping magic under wraps and controlled?" Zoe asked.

Harry shook his head. "I kinda doubt it, because they had no idea how to deal with me. They didn't even believe I was magical but they couldn't explain my existence. The company men who sent the Operative after River and were nutty enough to wake me are the _exact_ sort who would make sure to know about magic, if anyone in the Alliance would. I'm guessing."

"But you don't know, right?" River clarified.

Harry shook his head. "Nope, I don't know. Now, here are the newest little tidbits we have: the goblins chose to stay on Earth in spite of its deteriorating conditions because their magic and life is tied into the planet. Mankind's life is obviously not. My magic is internal as I have exhausted it numerous times, and replenished my own reserves. I've never heard any indication our magic was tied into the planet. But we certainly can't rule it out because the idea of leaving the planet was ludicrous when I began my nap."

"Do we know anything more about the wizards' intentions when they left the planet?" Antonio inquired.

"I'm glad you asked that," Harry grinned down at him. "Because I just found out from Ripruck that when the goblins were approached about leaving the planet, they were told that the wizards had every intention of building a magical side to Londinium. At a minimum a large alley, like Diagon Alley used to be to London, complete with wizarding homes, businesses, and they were hoping for a Gringotts branch to continue running the wizarding economy."

"Didn't you check out Londinium?" River asked.

Harry nodded. "That's part of what worries me. I spent four months just looking around that planet for anything. I searched everywhere. I used meditation to focus on all things magical and rode all of the slowest forms of public transportation. Every slight tingle I investigated. I was locating signals as small as a single wand, from practically miles away. Something as big as a magical alley, I know for a fact I would have sensed. Even hidden with magic, the magic it takes to hide that much magic would have been noticeable."

"You're sure?" Simon clarified. "There's not new magic that could have been developed to hide the alley better than the methods you're familiar with?"

Harry shook his head. "I doubt it. The whole point of keeping wizards near muggles is for interaction purposes from people dealing in both worlds. If they didn't want to be a part of muggles, they'd not be in the same locations as muggles. But if they were planning an alley there, then they did want the interaction, in which case they would be trying to make themselves noticeable to wizards but not muggles."

"You think perhaps the wizards have separated themselves completely from the muggles?" Digdug asked.

Harry shrugged. "I wouldn't think so, because first, so many wizards probably don't even realize how much they rely on muggles for them to easily survive completely independent of the muggles. And second if there was a significant change in attitude, I would think it would be towards embracing muggles more than distancing themselves."

"Things change," Mal pointed out. "People most of all."

Harry sighed and nodded. "True. So let's pretend for a moment that the wizards have completely separated. When, how, where, and why would they do that?"

"On the ride over," Inara said. "They may have intended to build that alley, but something happened during the sixty years it took to reach this side of the verse."

"What happened?" Harry inquired.

Inara bit her lip. "Maybe the magical world was exposed?"

Harry shook his head. "There'd be more muggles who knew about it or records of it."

"Maybe the wizards erased the evidence to protect themselves?" Kaylee suggested.

"That's not a bad idea," Harry admitted. "But muggleborn wizards and witches used to happen all the time. And they'd need a way to locate them and then what… snatch away the magical babies?"

"Could they turn them not magical?" Jayne asked.

Harry considered it. "I find it unlikely. Not to mention that would require them monitoring the muggles, of which I think I would've located them by now. Or they would have located me."

"What do you mean?" Antonio asked.

"I mean," Harry explained. "I went to the top of the Witten building in the heart of Sihnon and flared my magic to its limits. Did the same a few places in Londinium, but the Witten building was the highest up. If the wizards were watching, I'm certain I would've been spotted."

"Maybe they just don't like you," Simon offered.

Harry rolled his eyes and grinned cheekily. "I'm all for suspension of disbelief on some crazy possibilities but not liking me is simply beyond the abilities of even magic. Now I like what you guys are saying. I've ruled some of these things out on my own, so it's good that I need to revisit some of your ideas. What else are you thinking?"

"They could have been killed," Jayne pointed out.

"Yes," Harry agreed. "But I need a bit more than that."

"I meant for why they'd leave," Jayne added. "Maybe the muggles created a science-like way to target them. Bio-weapons that attack magic and stuff."

"That…" Harry frowned and considered. "I really don't know enough about science to say that that's impossible, but they'd have to study wizards and magic quite a bit to pull that one off. I'd think there'd be records somewhere on it. Nor am I inclined to believe magic would die that easily."

"Maybe they cured it," Simon suggested.

Harry shook his head. "That's another thing. If the evil government conspiracy or muggles managed to unravel as much about magic as it would take to actually target it with bio-weapons, then they'd be working on how to make _more_ people magical, not less. Any wizard or witch will tell you magic makes them feel whole and if muggles could have it, they'd want it too."

"If they can't have something," Mal suggested. "Wouldn't they be inclined to not allow anyone else to?"

"No," Harry explained. "All signs so far indicate the opposite, like I said. River here, for example. They've not been hunting and killing readers. And when a prodigy reader showed up, they cracked her head open and experimented on her. They'd be keeping wizards in labs and studying them, although I doubt they easily could hold them. And someone would've said something, recorded something, or known something about it."

"We know there are people willing to go to extremes to try and supposedly make people better," Antonio added, thinking of the Pax. "I find it hard to believe wizards and witches would escape their notice if there had ever been a government conspiracy to attack wizards or kill them."

"Exactly," Harry nodded. "Which is why, as waking me demonstrated we can assume the Alliance knows nothing of the wizarding world."

"So it's either hidden beyond anyone's reach?" Kaylee clarified. "Or… gone?"

Harry sighed and nodded silently.

"Are you ready to talk about the most likely and obvious answer?" River asked looking over at Harry.

"Not just yet," Harry answered. "I'd like to hear any other wild ideas you may have."

Jayne was tapping his chin in thought. "Maybe the entire wizarding world was shrunk down to a tiny marble hidden in secret chamber?"

"Interesting," Harry commented. "But highly unlikely. Wizards are very egotistical and full of themselves."

Frank began to cough, holding in his laughter.

"I'm glad I amuse you, Frank," Harry interrupted and continued. "Wizards are a lot more likely to shrink the entire muggle worlds, as too many magical folk believe themselves superior. I mean look at the goblins. The wizards would probably choose death over demeaning themselves, because they're that self-assured. And considering we've been to Earth-That-Was and traveled in space, we know the muggle worlds haven't been shrunken."

"Unless they shrunk the original planet too," Jayne pointed out. "And we're in some giant snow globe ant farm thing."

"Not sure we can do anything about it, if that's the case," Harry replied considering that matter a topic of discussion for another time. "Anyone else?"

"No one?" Harry said looking around. He took a deep breath and nodded at River. "Alright, I've been avoiding this possibility long enough. Why don't you share with the class?"

River saw she was on the spot and explained. "When you look at what's changed from Harry's pre-naptime to now, the most significant change is the planet. Given what the goblins have said and all evidence so far, it seems to point towards the idea that magic is tied into the planet in some form or another."

"So how does he use magic and get more?" Kaylee asked.

River shrugged. "It could be anything, but the most likely explanation is that the magic is in him."

"Then it's not tied to Earth?" Jayne asked in confusion.

River shook her head. "It is, but it's tied into the development of the human body. Our bodies go through numerous physical changes during childhood, with the majority of the extreme changes coming in adolescence culminating in maturity. O ur brains, organs, muscles, and bones all grow. I'd have to assume our ability to do magic does as well. Maybe there's a magic muscle that sucks in the ambient magic, or a gland that grows and juices. I'm guessing whatever it is that powers the internal magic, is only found on the original planet. Given what we know of Hogwarts, it makes sense that during the ages of 11 to 17, or when our bodies are physically changing the most, the wizards would go to a school where they work those muscles frequently, and directly over that magical hotspot zone."

Harry nodded, "Children have accidental magic, but they're simply not prepared to begin a magical education before the age of ten or so. Not really sure why, but it fits."

"What he said," River agreed. "And theoretically that's why being in a magical location and using lots of magic during your formative years, is where a grown wizard or witch gets their magic. Once you're an adult, your internal magic is set pretty much, aside from the evil dark rituals Harry refuses to tell me about."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Explaining why Harry has his normal magic," River continued. "Why he can use it at will, and it regenerates. And it also would indicate that the children coming over on the ship may have never really gained their internal magic. Perhaps those in their early teens with unfinished educations were still magical just significantly weaker than their parents. And certainly all future children from that point on didn't have any internal magic as they weren't ever on the planet. Because from the looks of things," River pointed towards Antonio and Simon, "we are what remain of the wizarding world. And we can't do magic."

"Are you sure?" Antonio asked. "I mean since we did go to the original planet, maybe something activated or triggered inside us."

"I felt Harry's wand," River said ignoring Jayne's snickers, "when we were in the vault and a couple of times since. It's just a stick. No sparks, no response, because I was hoping for the same thing. I'm the youngest and while it is possible I've not fully developed and could still 'get' magic, I doubt it. Even if I am having a delayed puberty."

"Excuse me?" Antonio asked.

"Long story," River frowned. "But mainly the people, who messed me up, really messed me up."

Harry nodded and sighed. "I doubt you could, too. And this particular theory is supported by the fact that I've only found old artifacts, nothing newer than the exodus. The last generation with magic just had to watch their lives continue without it, probably with a lot of them ashamed of their non-magical offspring. And the secret of the wizarding world died out, literally. Descendents boxing up or throwing away things they don't understand, eventually not believing their grandparents' tales of a world of magic and no one passing the knowledge on to their own kids."

"So it's just you left?" Kaylee said channeling some of Harry's sadness.

Harry shrugged. "That's more and more what it looks like, but I'm not completely convinced."

"Wouldn't there be some record of the ride over? Journals? Information? Maybe exposing the wizarding world and trying to save it?" Antonio asked, feeling as if he was suddenly missing out on something that should have been his by birthright.

"I don't know," Harry admitted. "If they knew they were the last, I doubt they'd want the muggles to know. They still had families and muggle life to get used to. That might have even made them more resolute about keeping the secret."

"Could they have turned back around while in flight?" Zoe suggested, "They could have made it to somewhere else or got lost."

Harry sighed. "It's possible, but I doubt they'd survive. More than likely they'd continue the exodus, hope or assume it was the spaceships keeping the children non-magical, and then give themselves a decade or two on the new planets, before they'd finally accept that they weren't getting any magic-capable wizards or witches. By that point the only magical people left would all be nearly a hundred and accustomed to living as a muggle."

"So what now?" Zoe questioned "Can you fashion some sort of magical hyperbolic chamber for kids to sleep in?"

Harry shrugged. "Wouldn't have the first clue where to start with that or whether it would work. But it's not a bad idea."

"Wouldn't it be easier," Jayne suggested, "for you and River to mix up your baby batters, stick the thing in your vault, and set the timer? See if you can brew up a wizard?"

River bit her lip to keep herself from verbally pointing out that it might be worth a shot and waited for her brother to explode angrily.

Harry turned to Simon expectantly.

Simon just shook his head. "I know how you feel about siring an heir in the near future, so stop looking at me like that."

Harry chuckled. "Right, but we do have a doorway to the original planet now, so the possibility exists of creating a magical daycare facility or something of the sort. How impossible would terraforming Earth-That-Was be?"

"Impossible," Frank answered right away. "For terraforming, it's easiest when the planet's temperature is too low, and then they increase it until the known forms of life can flourish and survive. When it's too high, unless it's real close, it's simply not worth the trouble."

"But it is possible, right?" Harry clarified.

"Well…" Frank paused. "I'm not entirely sure. If the temperature is higher than the boiling point of water, I'm not certain how they'd go about cooling the planet down. But even still, with a high temperature, it takes nearly a year for every degree you need to bring the temperature down. So even if it somehow is possible, we're still probably talking about centuries before it'd be ready."

"Bugger," Harry swore.

"And the cost would be beyond astronomical," Frank added. "Like several planets' worth of resources at a minimum."

"Fine, so impossible for now," Harry added. "You really think that's what happened to wizards, River?"

She just nodded sadly.

"Simon? Antonio? Everyone else?"

"It makes sense," Simon agreed while the others all nodded and shrugged. "And for what it's worth, at least then you're not going through anything the rest of the wizarding world didn't already go through shortly after leaving the planet."

"Simon!" Kaylee scolded.

"What?" Simon said looking straight up at his girlfriend. "I'm just letting him know that he's not alone in- well I mean _of course _he's alone, but that-"

"I get it, Doc. I'm not sure what it's worth, and it's a pretty wretched sentiment. But I know what you're trying to say," Harry chuckled as he canceled the inversion hex on himself.

"Is that what _you_ think happened, Harry?" Inara asked sadly, seeing Harry was about to leave the front of the ship.

Harry scratched his head and thought about it. "Yeah, I guess it is the most likely scenario. It's not what I'm hoping happened, but it does make sense. And if it that is what happened, it makes the old Boy-Who-Lived nickname just plain eerie."

"Boy-Who-Lived?" Jayne asked. "You still get called that?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, kids over a century younger than me still referred to me as a boy on occasion. But the point I was making is that even if I am the last, this ain't the first time the future of the wizarding world rested on my shoulders."

Right on cue, Fawkes flew towards the front of the ship and landed on Harry's shoulder, his inky black eyes twinkling merrily.

"Oh so you're the future of the wizarding world, is that it?" Harry said smiling at the curious bird.

Fawkes shook his head and began to sing a pleasant song, bobbing his head back and forth. The sadness people had been feeling seemed to give way to the idea that hope remained. They were reminded that even this was only one possible theory and it too may not be right at all.

"Thank you, Fawkes," Harry said scratching the chirping bird under the chin, thinking the phoenix's sense of timing was about the best around. Harry turned to the others, "I'm still looking for more answers and clues. Not to mention a place for the goblins. This was just sort of figuring out where I am, while letting you all know where I stand on this too. I appreciate all your suggestions, and am going to consider a few ideas I'd not thought about in a while."

"Actually, Harry," Frank jumped in. "I think I may have a _promising_ lead for you."

"You just now came up with something?" Harry asked curiously.

"Not exactly," Frank explained. "It was what you said, about how the goblins mentioned Londinium as the future home of the planned magical alley before the wizards left. And it turned up some interesting things specifically Londinium wasn't the first planet, that was Alpha."

"That's right," Simon and Antonio both said at the same time.

River nodded, "You were already planning to check out Jersey, remember? John Dough and the pensieve?"

Harry realized this did sound like a suddenly promising lead, but smiled at Mal indicating it was definitely Mal's call when they got back to Serenity.

Frank continued. "Londinium was the original name of the first American colonized planet, right around the same time as Sihnon, but most of the people lived their entire lives on ships. Quite a few of them were unable to adapt to life on the surface and had extreme agoraphobic reactions after failing to adjust to open spaces. Many instances of space dementia-"

"_Space dementia_?" Simon interrupted. "That's like a six-year-old's playground myth. There's no such thing."

"I'm with you, Simon," Frank continued. "It's in the records as space dementia though, and I'm a ship, not a psychologist. The point is there were many instances of sabotage and terrorism, such that the capital was moved off the first planet. It was only about fifty years after people had first settled that the terraformed planet on the other side of Sihnon was christened the new Londinium, and they renamed the original planet _Alpha_. The largest concentration of government housing on Alpha is still called Jersey, in reference to the American state which was also the old, dirtier, next door neighbor that civilized folk don't like to talk about."

"Now that I did not know," Harry smiled hopefully. "I think we may need to check that place out once we get an opportunity. Of course only if we're in the neighborhood some time after Mal's had a touch of peace and quiet."

Mal frowned having some doubts about the purity of Harry's intentions, putting him on the spot with all the rest of the crew. His peace and quiet was looking further and further away.

"Jayne!" Inara complained wiping her arm. "Stop spitting on yourself. You're hitting me."

"It falls up!" Jayne commented. "This is so weird."

"I wondered how long it would take before he discovered that," Harry admitted with a smile. He summoned Jayne towards him and canceled the inversion hex, slowly lowering him to the ground.

"Aww," Jayne pouted.

Harry did the same to Kaylee and smiled. "I think Kaylee's ready to get some sleep, and who knows when those inversion hexes might fail sending you all crashing to the ground."

Harry brought Inara down and seemed to be contemplating leaving River where she was. "How're your catlike reflexes?"

"Catlike," River answered daring Harry to cancel the charm and let her fall.

"Good," Harry grinned. "Let me know how long the hex lasts." He turned and walked away rubbing Fawkes' head, ignoring River's calls for help.

Harry laid down on one of the inset beds and leaned on his side while Fawkes waddled his way in front of him. Harry was biting his tongue at how funny the phoenix looked but had a feel Fawkes knew Harry found it amusing and didn't care.

"I'm not all that's left of magic, right Fawkes," Harry said, looking the bird in the eye.

Fawkes looked happy and nodded his head affirmatively.

"You know that for a fact?"

Fawkes leaned back, affronted that Harry doubted him.

Harry chuckled when Fawkes puffed up proudly and hit his head on the low ceiling of the stacked inset bunk beds.

"Of course, I'm not forgetting you," Harry said appeasing the curious bird. He began to pet and soothe the phoenix not particularly wishing to be burned. "I meant I'm not all that's left of magical _wizards_."

Fawkes looked up and caught Harry's eye. Harry jerked at the feeling of a foreign influence in his head. He felt warmth in his body and looked at Fawkes. "That was you, right?"

Fawkes nodded and seemed to wonder who else it would have been.

"What the hell was that?" Harry said curiously. "It wasn't Legilimency."

Fawkes caught Harry's eye again, and Harry felt a wave of embarrassment pass through him. Harry felt bad for a moment, before he caught on to the idea that he wasn't the one feeling embarrassed. Harry looked at Fawkes who was practically smirking, "Are you embarrassed?"

Fawkes looked right in Harry's eyes. Harry relaxed his Occlumens shield and tried to allow the bird full access to communicate with him. He was rewarded by the exact same feeling of embarrassment he'd received when his shield had been up.

"You're making me feel those emotions, aren't you?" Harry snapped suddenly catching on that neither of them were naturally feeling that way. Harry stared at Fawkes, hoping for an answer, which he received in the form of a sheepish feeling of stupidity.

"You're a regular comedian," Harry rolled his eyes. "How was I supposed to know you could trigger emotions?"

Fawkes sat there until Harry dared to look the phoenix in the eye again, and he suddenly felt a wave of loneliness.

"You're lonely?" Harry asked in confusion.

Fawkes jumped up and pecked the top of Harry's head. Harry backed away from Fawkes and was trying to figure out the phoenix when he felt stupid again. Harry finally caught on that the bird was pointing out how vast and empty his head must be considering how little he knew of phoenixes.

Harry rolled his eyes and asked, "So you can control people's emotions? Or at least give them to people?"

A sense of belonging and home hit Harry, and he added, "If you trust the person and they trust you?"

Fawkes nodded, his eyes twinkling merrily, as he reinforced the feeling of loyalty.

"I suppose that makes sense," Harry mused aloud. "Considering the way your song can effect people and lift their spirits or scare away the evil folks, you would have a method of communicating through emotions." Harry suddenly felt extremely smart and he was smiling proudly at having figured this all out. He snapped a glare at the snickering bird and realized just why he had felt so smart. Harry growled before sarcastically asking, "So you're what drove Albus crazy, huh?"

Expecting an indignant squawk or the need to defend himself from a peck on the head, Harry was a bit worried when the only response he received was a strong sense of foreboding.

Harry sat there watching the bird and feeling slight little emotions, uncertain whether they were his own or the work of the mischievous phoenix. Harry was reminded of Dumbledore's sixth sense when it came to danger and realized it was probably the work of the eccentric creature in front of him. His slight feeling of success and understanding at picking up on that fact made Harry wonder once more if that was his own emotion or not.

Harry was just staring at Fawkes wondering why he wasn't getting any strong emotions or attempts at communication but Harry realized he hadn't said anything in a while either. Harry was still trying to tell a difference between phoenix manufactured emotions and true ones that he may have felt on his own when he caught on to what Fawkes was trying to demonstrate. Those feelings and emotions, particularly warnings of danger or feelings of amusement made no difference where they came from. If the trust and loyalty between Harry and Fawkes was as strong as he figured, then it doesn't matter. They would both feel the same thing, looking out for the well-being or needs of the other.

Harry's face split into a smile as he felt elation at the understanding. He saw Fawkes looked equally pleased and apparently could tell Harry reached his little epiphany. Harry also finally understood why those misunderstood claims of bonding or special 'familiar' powers were so humorous to phoenixes. It was simply the trust and understanding of a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Harry's sense of accomplishment was overwhelmed by an embarrassing feeling of idiocy.

"Oh very funny," Harry snapped at the bird though his eyes betrayed his amusement. Harry suddenly realized exactly why Albus was always in such a happy mood, not to mention slightly insane. Harry looked over and saw Fawkes was burrowing down, having tired himself out sending Harry so many emotions. Harry couldn't shake that foreboding feeling again.

Harry was carefully watching the bird begin to doze off when he felt a strong sense of carnal desire. Before he could attempt to decipher it, Harry was forcefully pulled by his hair up off the bed. Harry yelped in pain, while Fawkes continued to snooze happily.

"Catlike reflexes too quick for you?" River said with a grin, as she had apparently climbed from the ceiling down the bunks.

A wave of Harry's hand and River crashed the last couple of feet to the floor landing particularly ungracefully. She grunted out as she rolled and tried to make it look like she meant to do that, while Harry rubbed his head. "Did you have to yank so hard?"

"No," River replied. "At least I don't think so."

Harry just watched River turn around and walk away having apparently accomplished all she came to do. Though considering how he'd left her, even Harry had to admit he probably deserved that. He was contemplating kicking the phoenix off the bed for sending him that feeling of lust just before he was attacked, when he felt a serene, calming sense of innocence. Harry had a pretty good idea where that feeling came from, but still let Fawkes be and sat back, returning to his musings on the fate of the wizarding world.

River was in a much better mood having righted herself according to the ship's gravitational fields and having gotten to yank a certain wizard's hair with an excessive amount of force. Right now she was looking forward to having a chat with a certain portrait.

River heard strange sounds coming from the engine room and peeked in.

"Rucka rucka rucka!" Peeves was spinning his tiny arms floating in front of the portrait of Luna.

"Wucka wucka wucka!" Luna was insisting back as she flapped her arms.

"Rucka rucka rucka!" Peeves argued.

"You're not getting it!" the painting pouted and stamped her foot. "Not _rucka_! Wucka!" Luna noticed River looking and stopped. "Oh hello."

"Am I interrupting?" River cautiously inquired.

"Wivva?" Peeves asked.

Luna huffed at the poltergeist. "Of course now you lose the _R_."

Peeves stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at Luna. He flew off to hide inside his hyperdrive home.

"Yes, you were interrupting," Luna turned to River and answered. "But that's okay."

"I'm sorry," River said excusing herself. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

Luna looked at her oddly. "Well then why did you come back here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," River answered honestly.

"And you were hoping to do that without disturbing me?" Luna clarified. "Because if you wanted to talk to me without disturbing me, you should probably do it somewhere I can't hear you."

River realized Luna took things very literally.

"Or I suppose you could simply schedule a meeting," Luna continued. "But if all you want is to talk to me, I'm free right now."

"I'm not disturbing you?"

Luna shrugged. "Believe it or not, a lot of times, I like being disturbed."

"I believe it," River nodded. "I'm the same way, no matter what my brother might think."

"So what would you like to talk about?" Luna asked sitting down Indian style on the floor in front of her couch.

River copied the painting's movements and say down cross-legged in front of the portrait. "Anything you want to."

Luna shrugged. "I'm a painting. I don't want much."

River frowned uncertain where to begin. "Can you tell me about Harry? Or you? I'd like to know more about both of you."

"Oh sure," Luna smiled. "Let's see, my name is Luna. I was born in Ottery St. Catchpole. My mother died when I was nine. I went to Hogwarts. I was in Ravenclaw a year behind Harry, who was in Gryffindor."

River raised her hand and interrupted, "I read your biography of Harry, so I know most of those highlights. And Harry's told me some."

"You probably know more than I do then," Luna admitted with a shrug. "I don't remember much. So what has Harry told you?"

River leaned back and thought about it. "Well, when I was in Harry's head, he showed me how he organizes his mind, so I sort of got to see the house you two shared."

"You were in his head?" Luna asked curiously.

River nodded. "He's been teaching me Occlumency and Legilimency."

"Are you a witch?"

River shook her head negatively. "I don't have any magic, but I am a reader."

"You know he likes you," Luna stated.

River looked away, damning her inexplicable, pubescent responses.

"He seems so much lonelier than I ever remember him being." Luna inquired with a tilt of her head. "Would you like to seduce him?"

River turned to look at the painting in horror. The idea that the woman Harry loved more than anything, was trying to pimp him out, scared River more than she thought possible. She opened her mouth without any clue what to say when the opportunity was taken from her.

"Yes, she would," Inara answered with a grin as she walked back into the engine room.

"Very much so," Kaylee agreed following behind her.

"The idea has merit," Zoe nodded as she joined into the conversation.

"No," River argued upset that she was being ganged up on, but grateful it was only the women. "No it doesn't!"

"Are you going to lie to us?" Inara asked her. "And pretend you _don't_ want to seduce him?"

"Yes!" River snapped before she realized the word that came out of her mouth wasn't the one she intended. "As in yes that I'm gonna lie… I mean _no_! Oh _chur ni-duh_."

"You should be happy, River," Zoe grinned. "You're practically a normal teenager."

"I'm not even a teenager!"

"Don't worry," Luna added. "I think we can still slut you up enough for Harry."

River looked on in shock at how calmly the painting said these things.

Kaylee smiled and reasoned, "If not because both you and Harry have needs you refuse to meet, then at least think about the future of the wizarding world. And the goblins."

"I'm not sure thinking about the goblins will be right for the mood," Inara said with a grimace.

"You'd be surprised," Luna commented. She saw a number of disbelieving looks shot her way and explained, "You could role play with Urg the Unclean and the uprising in his pants. Or you could play dirty galleon-shiny knut, tickle my sickle, Griphook and don't let go, three-hole monte-"

"Stop it!" River interrupted growing redder with every suggestion. "Please."

"Have we moved past denial?" Inara asked with a grin.

"No! Thank you very much," River retorted. "I'm setting up camp in denial and we shall never leave here. I like Harry _as a friend_. I'm not going to make him uncomfortable by acting on my temporary hormonal urges or the advice of a meddling bunch of gossips. He's hopelessly in love with you," River snarled pointing straight at the portrait. "And he's made it quite clear he has zero intentions of ever moving on. My delayed puberty will pass as will any unpleasant thoughts you all try to implant into my head. It's just a matter of time before my emotions and hormones stabilize."

Zoe helpfully added, "Or until Harry stabilizes you to the wall."

River closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She focused on her mental exercises and banished the images from her mind. "I have too much respect for Harry to continue this ridiculous conversation any longer."

"Who said anything about respect?" Luna asked curiously. "I was only talking about sex."

River stood up to leave, not willing to listen to another word, when a different voice spoke up surprising her.

"Rivva?" Peeves asked as he floated out from his hyperdrive.

River stopped and turned to the worried hopeful voice of the poltergeist.

Peeves suddenly broke into a bright smile and was thrusting his pelvis out shouting, "Wucka wucka wucka!"

The last sound River heard as she stormed away in frustration was the portrait of Luna squealing and clapping. "You got it Peeves! That was perfect!"


	28. CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN: Return to Normalcy

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN – Return to Normalcy**

"Commander Jackson, are you okay?" Director Stewart questioned as the crew descended from their ship.

"Umm… yeah, yeah I'm fine," Jackson said in confusion. "Just really, _really_ hungry."

"Let the Medics check you out," Director Stewart ordered. "Nice work, Jackson."

"Thank you, sir?" Jackson replied uncertainly as he left the room and headed off towards the facilities medical wing, shaking off the odd surreal feelings.

"Beckford?" Stewart asked helping the cosmonaut down.

"Yes sir!" Beckford answered obediently.

"No tears?" Stewart warily inquired.

"Sir?"

Director Stewarts' attention whipped towards the emergency exit as alarms started blaring. "Mackenzie! What the hell are you doing?"

Mackenzie stood by the door holding it open. "Just wanted some fresh air, Director."

Stewart saw the slightly glazed over look in Mackenzie's eyes as he held the door open for a small procession of invisible people. Of course the Director believed they were imaginary, so he slowly asked, "Why don't you have the Doctor's look you over as well?"

"Probably a good idea, sir," Mackenzie answered continuing to hold the door.

"Think you might want to close the door so those alarms will stop?"

"Certainly Director," Mackenzie nodded. "Just a little more fresh air please."

Director Stewart watched Mackenzie's face relax completely as he stared off into space. "Close the door, Mackenzie."

Mackenzie pulled the door shut and hurried over to his boss. "Sorry, Director." Any further explanation was interrupted by his loudly rumbling stomach.

"Get down to the medical bay," Director Stewart ordered. He watched them all leave and couldn't help but to wonder. "Maybe it's space dementia."

Nearby, just outside the building, nine people, one goblin, and one phoenix were slowly making the way back towards Serenity.

"Man it feels good to be back," Jayne stated from underneath his invisibility cloak.

"I can't believe we just walked out the emergency exit," Simon commented.

Harry grinned, enjoying using his magic fully to make himself invisible. "Why make things more difficult than they are? It's what an emergency exit is for."

"I'm not quite sure that's what it's for," Antonio added.

"Lighten up Weatherby," Mal said happily. "You just need to relax your definition of an emergency a bit."

"I suppose," Antonio agreed. "It just feels wrong."

"Would losing your job and going to prison feel right?" Inara asked trying not to bump into all the other invisible people.

"No," Antonio softly concurred. "No it wouldn't."

"Stop grabbing me!" Inara snapped in the direction of Antonio's voice.

"I'm sorry! I can't see!" Antonio whispered harshly. "I didn't even think that was you actually."

"It wasn't," Harry snickered.

"Oh," Antonio and Inara both said in realization.

"Well then who…"

"Jayne," Harry answered.

"I need a hooker," Jayne's voice said from right next to Inara, startling both her and Antonio. Harry hid a grin as Antonio had stopped and was wiping his hands in disgust.

"I need a long bath," Kaylee stated.

"I need a good cuppa."

"I need to get back to my boat, so you all will shut up!"

"You might need a nap too," a mumbled suggestion came out from nowhere.

"River, now is not the time to try my patience."

"Sorry, Captain," she offered and quietly finished, "Just let me know when the time comes."

Mal said nothing but continued heading off towards where they'd left Serenity.

"Tell me again why we're supposed to walk towards that big tree?" Jayne asked.

"If you'd rather walk back to the ship," Zoe stated. "You go right on and do that."

Jayne apparently started to give that a try and he suddenly stopped, and began to think he'd forgotten something.

"Oww!" Antonio yelped having walked into the back of Jayne sending them both to the ground.

"You guys can probably take off the cloaks," Harry stated. "We're far enough away and loud enough. And Jayne, just walk to the tree."

"Are you sure that repelling thing wasn't created to torture normal people and amuse wizards?" Simon asked noticing the appearance of the others as they took their cloaks off, not to mention Jayne and Antonio on the ground.

"Didn't you find it amusing?" Inara asked the young doctor with a smile.

Simon fought to keep the grin off his face. "That's beside the point."

"Why don't you just pop ahead of us and take down the aversion charm?" Zoe asked, still unable to see the invisible Harry.

"But that wouldn't be very amusing at all," River pointed out.

"Fine," Harry conceded and apparated ahead. He found the aversion charm immensely easier to bring down with his proper wand, than constructing a long-term one strong enough had been when they first left Serenity here. Harry popped right back next to River, still invisible but with a sound loud enough to make the others jump. River merely raised an eyebrow in the direction of the sound. Harry explained, "You guys can think about Serenity again."

"Still there and in one piece?" Mal asked.

"Yup," Harry agreed. "And I think she missed you too."

"I should hope so," Mal retorted.

"What is it with men and their toys?" Inara mused.

"She's not a toy."

"I think they're compensating," Kaylee said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Simon snapped at his girlfriend.

"You ever notice how they always feel the need to name them?" River added. "And they're always female so that it's socially acceptable for them to love them."

"Serenity's a ship! It'd be weirder if I didn't name her."

"Or Babs," River added.

"You told her?" Simon whined to Kaylee, who just shrugged in response. "It's a device for blood analysis and biochemical structures. Just an acronym, it doesn't mean anything Freudian."

"And let's not forget Vera," Zoe added.

"You leave Vera out of this!" Jayne snapped as he hurried towards the ship suddenly missing his favorite girl.

"Hmm," River thoughtfully considered. "I would've expected the six weeks cramped together on a tiny ship to drive you all to the bughouse. The walk back to Serenity… not so much."

Digdug was staying under his invisibility cloak with the phoenix happily perched on his head. He tugged on Harry's sleeve while all the others hurried into the ship after Mal unlocked her. "Harry?"

"You okay?"

"This open space… and air it's amazing," Digdug stated taking a deep breath while Fawkes chirped happily. "But I worry."

"What's the matter?" Harry said looking around, not sensing any danger.

"Well…" Digdug paused uncertainly. "You act like you're all friends, but now free from the confines of the Frank-ship, you seem even angrier and more hostile with each other."

"Oh," Harry chuckled. "That's one of the quirks of humans. The more comfortable we are with each other, the less polite we have to be."

Digdug looked up knowing his reluctant Master could see him. "That seems… counter-intuitive."

"See?" Harry agreed. "You're understanding humans better and better already." Harry walked away and into the ship, giving the young goblin a moment to himself.

"No," Digdug said to the bird on his head. "I don't think I am understanding them any better."

Harry sealed the door after Digdug boarded and called into the intercom. "Take us to Londinium, River. Mr. Universe says we're clear. Just stay low until we're a few miles away, before heading up outta atmo."

**

* * *

**

"Things going smoothly for Frank?" Harry asked his communicator.

"Yes," Mr. Universe's voice replied. "Don't worry so much. He'll be making his escape tonight or maybe tomorrow."

"We're depending on Peeves. I'd be worried if we weren't worried."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"I know!" Harry retorted. "Peeves was nuts before he went crazy!"

"I wasn't talking about Peeves. I meant you couldn't be worried if you weren't worried. Because if you _were_ worried then you wouldn't not be worried."

Harry sighed. "I know."

"What?" Mr. Universe asked, now confused.

"You think Frank's really got a desire for independence?" Harry asked. "Or he's just hoping he does because that's the way we all originally planned?"

"Well, considering he is sort of me," Mr. Universe answered. "I think he probably does. Being a digital intelligence is all I know, but if I got turned into a ship, I think I'd wanna be my own ship."

"What?" Harry asked, now confused.

"Relax," Mr. Universe said. "If things get dodgy, you'll hear about it right away, and you've got that vanishing cabinet all set. You and Mal and everyone else can be onboard Frank in seconds. He'll be fine."

"I guess," Harry said. "The cosmonauts all check out okay?"

"Yup," Mr. Universe explained. "Trust me. Even if the Alliance was told the truth, they wouldn't believe it."

"True," Harry chuckled as he walked into the dining area and found Mal, Simon, and Antonio all sitting around with beers.

"What's so funny?" Mal asked, noticing Harry walk in.

"I was checking with Mr. U on how clean our getaway was and how Frank's doing," Harry explained.

"And that's funny?" Simon asked.

Harry shook his head. "He told me to stop worrying and even if we told them what we did, they wouldn't believe it."

"I'm still having trouble believing it," Antonio said sipping on his drink.

"You know you're gonna miss us," Mal said grinning at Antonio.

Antonio sighed. "You guys are dangerous and I like paperwork too much. I'm actually looking forward to getting back to the office."

"The pleasures of a nine to five," Simon said wistfully. "Oh how I miss thee."

"Speaking of pleasures," Harry jumped in.

"And that's not the scariest segue you could make," Simon mumbled.

"Antonio," Harry grinned. "I'm afraid your second surgery ruptured something or another. And Dr. Tammy has drained fluid twice on you."

"Great," Antonio said. "Nothing like knowing my co-workers have been praying for my crotch."

"From the sounds of it," Mal added. "It could probably use the help."

Antonio sighed knowing he'd walked into that one.

"You know, it's funny," Simon said scratching his chin. "Six weeks and not once did Kaylee or I… umm…"

"Get the itch?" Antonio said with a grin.

Simon frowned but nodded.

"Oh Doc," Mal grumbled. "I really don't need to hear that."

"Yeah, I didn't exactly mean to say it," Simon admitted. "But it's weird, isn't it? You think maybe… we're getting tired of each other?"

Harry weakly smiled. "Uhh… let's not jump to conclusions just yet."

"What did you do?" Antonio grumbled.

"You!" Simon snapped. "What- what did you do?"

"Did any of us really want to deal with a horny Jayne on that tiny a ship?"

"Harry," Mal said warningly not wanting that mental image.

"I may have… for the good of all of us…"

"Harry," Simon said angrily.

"Oh please," Harry said with a roll of his eyes. "Would you rather have been sexually frustrated? Or put on a show for the rest of us?"

"I think we could have handled ourselves without your heebie-jeebie control," Simon insisted.

"The spell's gone and you're getting all testy now," Harry grumbled. "Go screw your girlfriend and get a smile on your face."

"Harry!" Mal said.

Harry shrugged. "I stand by my decision."

"And it was the right one," Mal snapped. "But you don't need to be putting more mental images in my head."

The intercom buzzed loudly and River's voice could be heard. "We're inside atmo and will be hovering over Antonio's apartment in less than a minute."

"Well, Mal," Antonio said standing up. "It's been an experience I'll never forget."

"Antonio," Mal said, standing up to shake his hand. "I can honestly say you're the nicest government stooge I've ever met."

"Thanks," Antonio smiled taking pride in the compliment. "Simon, if I ever become fugitive from the law and need a doctor to fix me, you'll be the first person I think of."

"We'll be in touch," Simon said. "Intelligent conversation doesn't exactly fly on this ship. And it'll be nice to have a rational mind who knows how horrible Harry is."

Harry turned to Mal. "You'd be surprised how often disliking me brings people closer together."

"No," Mal grinned. "I really wouldn't."

"Come on, Antonio," Harry said. "You got a hold on your bag?"

Antonio nodded, preparing himself for the sensation of apparition again.

"River?" Harry called out loudly.

"We're in place. I'll wait for you… maybe."

Harry placed a hand on Antonio's shoulder and popped them both, right back into Antonio's apartment.

"Huh," Antonio said dropping his bags to the ground.

"What?" Harry said looking around, seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

Antonio shrugged. "I half-figured there would be a strike-force waiting here for me."

Harry turned his head sharply towards Antonio's bedroom. "Actually there's an Operative hiding in your bedroom."

"How did you know, Mr. Potter?" a voice came from the other room.

Antonio gasped and moved behind Harry, who was just snickering and shaking his head.

"Yup, Weatherby," Harry grinned, remembering telling Antonio about the Weasleys he knew. "You _are_ another Percy."

"The annoying young Percy? Or the good one you supported politically?" Antonio asked hopefully.

"Take it easy, Antonio," Harry smirked refusing to answer, knowing it would bother the young man. "Give me a shout when your bosses figure out what you've done."

"No!" Antonio turned to Harry and insisted. "Don't even joke about-"

Harry apparated away with a mischievous wave.

"-that!" Antonio finished, feeling more and more nervous. He hurriedly dug his invisibility cloak out from his bag, and grabbed his remote, ready to swing it at someone's head at a moment's notice. He quietly snuck into his bedroom, fearing the Operative Harry had stranded him with.

Antonio turned on the lights and was looking around frantically.

"Boo!" Mr. Universe called out from the nearby speaker.

Antonio's shriek made the digital intelligence's day.

**

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**

"Alright!" Harry announced as he apparated back onto the ship hovering above the apartment building. "Who's up for a big, fat honking dose of rest and relaxation?"

"I think I'm gonna start with rest," Jayne grinned. "And then, mood permitting, pay the extra for relaxation to join in."

"When did you learn to be so subtle?" Harry asked Jayne with a grin.

Jayne winked and explained. "Peeves taught me."

"Persephone?" River called out over the intercom.

"Persephone," Mal answered.

Harry sat down and exhaled as he sagged into his seat. "I think you got the right idea on wanting some normalcy here, Captain."

"See?" Mal smiled victoriously. "That's all we need. Just take a little break. Outrun our troubles for a little while."

"Bold man," Harry grinned. "You do realize that since you just said that, we've probably got a fifty-fifty chance of being hailed by an Alliance Cruiser in the next few seconds."

Mal gulped, knowing his luck wasn't usually something he liked to test.

Harry smiled at the Captain's nervousness. "Where is everybody?"

"Inara and Zoe are up on the bridge with River," Mal explained. "Digdug and that fireturkey were both sleeping in your room. And Kaylee and the Doc… put up a _Do Not Disturb_ sign."

"Why'd they do that?" Jayne asked curiously.

Harry glanced at Mal and saw he really didn't want to think about that question. Harry began, "Umm… Jayne…"

"Harry," Mal begged. "Please."

Harry obliged and leaned over towards Jayne. He whispered in Jayne's ear quiet enough that Mal couldn't hear him.

But Mal had to hold in a snort when Jayne's eyes bugged out and he sat up at attention.

"I'll be in my bunk," Jayne said determinedly as he left the room.

Mal suddenly felt uncomfortable. He smiled at the familiar feeling of home. "I think I'm gonna get some shut-eye too."

"For your benefit, Captain," Harry said as he stood up. "I'm not even going to say it. You want me to wake you when we get to Persephone?"

Mal gave it a thought and shook his head. "No, I don't think I want you to. We're in no hurry."

Harry's face fell as his plans involving a bucket of water crumbled. "Alright. Night, Captain."

"Night Harry."

Harry went down to check on Digdug and Fawkes. He saw they were both sleeping, despite the noises coming from Kaylee and Simon's bunk. He decided to be a gentleman and cast a silencing charm around the room with _Do Not Disturb_ on the door.

"Dammit Harry!" Jayne's voice called out.

Harry had time to wince, when Mal's upper body poked up from his bunk stairs. "Harry, you're going to put that thing you just did to them on my bunk."

"Yeah," Harry said, casting a silencing charm. "I'm going to do it on all the bunks I think."

Harry cast it on Mal's bunk and said, "Night Captain."

Mal grinned to see Harry's mouth move but hear no sound.

Harry walked over to Jayne's bunk and stated loudly. "I'm going to silence your bunk in two seconds, Jayne. That means scream if you want to," Harry explained just as he cast the silencing charm, not even giving Jayne a chance to respond.

Harry walked up on the bridge to find Inara and Zoe smiling and an extremely red-faced River. Harry strolled up right behind her, and put both elbows on the back of her chair and held his brightly smiling face in his hands. "So… what are we talking about?"

"Oddly enough," Inara said with an amused grin. "Drilling."

"Proper dental care is very important," Harry agreed.

Zoe thought it was sweet that Harry wasn't rising to the bait and taking part in the latest session of embarrassing River.

Inara looked perfectly innocent as she explained, "River's a little nervous about where things have been, before she puts them in her mouth."

Harry had to bite his tongue, thoroughly impressed that Inara could say that with such a straight face.

River's whimper nearly broke the tension as Zoe choked down a snort.

River whipped her head around and said, "Hey Harry, what's that behind your head?"

Harry stood up and turned around. River never even turned away from Harry as she punched out with her right hand, smacking right into Inara's kneecap.

Inara was the one to whimper this time as Harry turned back at the sound with an amused smile. Harry grinned at Inara's obvious discomfort. "Everything okay?"

Inara's eyes were watering but she forced herself to nod.

Harry kept himself from laughing at her predicament but his eyes were twinkling merrily.

"I think maybe…" Inara began her voice weak. She cleared her throat and tried again in a more normal voice. "I think maybe I should lie down for a little while. Zoe?"

"Yeah," Zoe agreed and walked over to help Inara make it back to her bunk.

Inara knew Harry was well aware of what had just happened, but her dignity wouldn't let her admit defeat. She struggled her way to her feet and tried to make it look like she wasn't putting most of her weight on Zoe's shoulder. She whimpered slightly with every step, much to Harry's amusement.

When she was nearly to the door, Harry spoke up, "Oh Inara?"

She whimpered but turned around to face him.

"Could you make some tea? I'm dying for a proper cuppa."

Inara just nodded clearly in pain, and Harry began to wonder if River had broken her kneecap.

"I want to talk to River for a bit, but I shouldn't be too long."

Inara grimaced and just nodded as she turned and inched her way out the door. Once she was out of view, she dropped all pretense and slumped her body against Zoe's letting the other woman support her.

As they listened to the two women, one of them dragging her foot, Harry sat down in the co-pilot's chair. "You really popped her there. I don't think you broke anything, but you might've dislocated it."

"Oops," River said not sounding particularly sorry.

Harry chuckled and looked out into the black as they were flying with the autopilot on. "You doing okay?"

River sighed and felt the flush leaving her face, relaxing around Harry. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Is their teasing getting that bad?" Harry asked honestly.

River knew Harry wasn't oblivious and shook her head. She turned towards Harry. "It's not like-"

"_Legilimens_!" Harry called out forcefully, feeling the spell buckle coming out of his proper wand. Harry felt his mental probe tunneling through a thick dark surface, before he was summarily ejected and he rocked backwards in the co-pilot's chair.

"_Oww_!" River complained, rubbing her temple and closing her eyes. "Was that really necessary?"

"Son of a bowtruckle!" Harry exclaimed in surprise. "That I never woulda guessed."

"What?" River defended. "That I'd be able block you?"

"River," Harry said rubbing the back of his own head. "I just used my own proper wand on a fully magic-fueled Legilimency spell. I caught you off-guard and shortly after an emotionally exhausting situation. Without magic, I wouldn't have ever expected you to be able to resist that spell. To be honest," Harry admitted. "I think your shields are stronger than mine now."

"Really?" River asked excitedly.

Harry nodded. "I don't have anyone around to test mine, but I doubt I could keep out my own spell."

River smiled, pleased to think that magic wasn't everything.

"Sorry for the unpleasantness," Harry explained. "But it was a good time to test. You were saying something about the teasing?"

River sighed, not particularly wanting to admit just why it was bothering her so much. "They're only teasing me because my hormones make me a target. It'll pass. And it's kind of a fun rite of passage, getting teased by my friends."

"Oh?" Harry asked with a devious grin. "So no interest in turning the teasing around on them?"

"No! I mean yes!" River jumped at the chance. "A very strong interest in it!"

"Well," Harry playfully explained. "They're trying to push us together. They've even gotten Luna in on it."

"I know," River said as she furrowed her brow. "I think Luna might be the boss of them. She was telling me where I could find some of her hair, but… what's polyjuice?"

Harry groaned. "I'm almost glad there aren't that many potion supplies left."

"What's magical about this juice?"

"It's a potion," Harry said. "It turns your body physically into someone else's for an hour."

"Oh…" River said in realization. "So I'd turn into Luna for an hour?"

"It used to be pretty popular with the upscale brothels."

"I should think so," River agreed, picturing the possibilities.

"Yeah, well," Harry shrugged. "I'd imagine we may not see the ingredients needed for that potion ever again."

"Are you okay with that?" River asked, turning to look at Harry curiously.

"Mmm," Harry considered. "I'm not willing to accept it just yet."

"Good."

"Good?" Harry inquired.

"Good," River agreed. "So what was that about turning the teasing around?"

"Ah yes," Harry grinned. "Well, since they seem to want us together so badly, why don't we give them exactly what they want?"

River swallowed silently, wondering if Harry was teasing her now too. "And just how do you plan to do that?"

"They want us to disappear together for a few hours, and come back, exhausted, sweaty, and famished. I say we give them just that. And if they happen to draw inaccurate conclusions about what we've been doing, then they may not want to tease about it so much. Be careful what you wish for and all that."

"Exhausted, sweaty, and famished?" River asked, understanding what Harry had in mind.

Harry nodded. "I've got a magical trunk that we can climb into. There's a large empty room for dueling. We can do some sparring, a nice sweaty, physical activity."

"Oh," River liked the sound of this. "And of course, no one would expect you to come out without heavy bruising."

Harry swallowed a snort, enjoying River's enthusiasm. "I'm going to have to heal you after every time, aren't I?"

River shook her head. "Naw, I'm too quick for you."

"So," Harry shrugged. "I cheat."

River looked towards the empty sky ahead of them and saw they were over four hours out from Persephone. "You wanna go right now?"

Harry pulled out a magical trunk from his pocket and expanded it on the floor of the bridge. Harry shut the door, and pushed the trunk up next to it. Harry triggered the seventh compartment and opened the lid for River. "Got some energy to burn?"

River nodded and hurried down the ladder into the magical trunk. "I've been feeling frisky ever since we got off Frank."

"I'll be sure to mention that as well," Harry said to himself, wondering how that line might get interpreted.

**

* * *

**

Inara, Zoe, and Kaylee were all sitting around Inara's cabin. Inara had an ice pack on her discolored and bruised knee while they waited on Harry to come and drink his now cold tea. Harry said he shouldn't take too long, but it had been almost two hours since they'd left him alone with River.

Kaylee had arrived only a few minutes ago and so she broached the topic they'd been avoiding. "So… do you think it's a good sign or a bad sign that Harry hasn't shown up yet?"

"I'm thinking a good sign," Inara answered.

"For River or Harry?" Zoe asked.

"Probably not Simon," Kaylee said with a hidden grin. "But why can't it be a good sign for both River _and_ Harry?"

Zoe frowned slightly and explained, "Don't get me wrong. I know Harry would never hurt her, and River's way behind schedule in the dating department, but don't you think the age difference is… a bit much?"

Inara shook her head. "Not the age difference. Half the time Harry acts younger than her. But the experience difference, maybe. I mean Harry's lived a long full life, was married for over a century, and still loves his wife more than anything."

"Exactly," Zoe agreed. "The experience difference."

"Ladies," Kaylee grinned and argued. "We're not talking about getting Harry remarried or even making babies, no matter what the goblins might say. Just, you know… they make a cute couple."

"Can you honestly see anything between them being casual?" Zoe asked.

Kaylee shrugged. "Not really, but we know it's something that'd be good for them both. Heck, even Luna's pushing for them."

"She just wants to see Harry happy, though," Inara pointed out. "And I wonder how much she's all there anyways."

"Harry's frequently reminded me that that portrait is not his wife," Zoe interjected. "It is a portrait of her, but it's not _her_."

"Close enough," Kaylee argued. "It looks like her, talks like her, and has some of her attitude. And most importantly, she reminds me of River."

Inara grinned. "They both remind me of Harry."

Zoe arched an eyebrow. "You think that's coincidence?"

Inara shook her head. "I mean think about it. Luna and River both were greatly influenced by Harry at the emotional pit of hell called puberty. Harry was one of Luna's only close friends growing up, and now that Harry's helping to awaken River from the mental nightmare that her life has been, he's pretty much become the most stable thing in her life."

"Don't tell Simon that," Kaylee whistled. "Though it has been nice having more Kaylee-time with him."

Inara and Zoe shared a small jealous look, but restrained their catty instincts.

"Considering the way Harry wasn't pressing River," Zoe stated. "You think maybe we shouldn't keep reminding River that she needs…"

"To double-thump her power thrusters?" Kaylee finished for her.

Inara snickered and shook her head. "Oh dear. I think those two will either figure it out on their own or not, no matter what we do. And on their timetable as well."

Zoe looked at Inara in amazement. "So you're saying we should stop?"

"_Tsai boo shr_!" Inara snapped. "It's too much for fun us!"

Kaylee nodded wisely. "If River turns out at all like Luna, then we probably only have a small window of opportunity to really embarrass her and make her blush."

"Exactly!" Inara agreed heartily.

Zoe chuckled. "That girl, or portrait, is shameless."

"I think that might be what I like best about her," Inara said.

"Yeah, it was up there on my list of favorite things too," Harry said popping his head into Inara's cabin.

"Harry!" Kaylee eeped, not expecting a voice to sneak up behind them. "What did… you…" She trailed off in shock as Harry was wearing a simple white t-shirt completely caked in sweat that stuck to his amazingly well-toned body. Wizard power or not, no one past the century mark should have the muscles of a twenty-year old.

Harry was biting his tongue at the three shocked looks he was receiving. The full-body glamour was obviously a successful addition. His eyes were twinkling as he lifted up the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his forehead. When he looked back all three were staring at his magically enhanced abdomen. "What did I _what_?"

"What did you hear?" Kaylee answered immediately before stumbling to correct herself. "I mean… what did… what'd you mean when you said it was one of your favorite things?"

Zoe snapped to look at Kaylee, gave her a look of annoyance, and mouthed a sarcastic '_Smooth_.' Inara on the other hand, hadn't looked away from Harry yet.

Harry began to think this was too easy, but felt a small measure of comfort in that risking the vengeful ire of three gossipy women wasn't so bad as long as River was on his side. He acted completely innocent and answered, "As I was walking up I heard Zoe call my wife's portrait shameless. It was a wonderful quality found in my wife as well."

"Oh," Kaylee said turning briefly towards the others. "So that's… all you heard?"

Harry liked a lot of things about Kaylee but subtlety was not one of her strong points. "I'm afraid so. Should I have gotten here sooner? What'd I miss?"

"Nothing," Inara said conversationally. "But your tea has gotten cold."

Harry flashed her a cheeky grin. "I think I can heat it up pretty quickly. It may not taste quite as fresh but it's still loads better than the codswallop they sell in Blue Sun superstores."

"No no," Inara jumped at the opportunity and got up pouring the kettle away. "I'll make you some fresh. After our little journey, I think you've earned your proper cup. And this way we can chat while it heats up." She hurried and put fresh water on.

"Oh I get it," Harry nodded. "This is your not-so-veiled attempt to sucker me into your sewing circle of gossip. Alright, I'm game, as long as I can get my tea."

"Sit," Kaylee commanded scooting over.

Harry obediently followed his orders and fell down into the oversized pillow that was passing for a chair. Harry fell backwards onto the thing relaxing, and rubbing his perspiration and stink into the fluffy monstrosity. "So who did what to whose sister?"

"Excuse me?" Zoe said her face betraying none of her thoughts.

Harry narrowed his eyes playfully and sat up. "I've seen soap operas. Whenever you girls get alone, you all make up love triangles and drama anywhere you can find it. Someone's long lost twin stole someone else's husband, who turned out to not have even given his real name, because he was doctor treating his own lesbian daughter who thought she was just seeing a regular psychiatrist."

"Damn," Inara admitted. "That does sound interesting."

Harry grinned. "So… what were we talking about before I got here?"

"Girl stuff," Inara agreed waving him off. "So what took you so long?"

"Oh?" Harry said looking at his watch. "Was it that long? Man, time flies when you're having fun, don't it?"

"Having fun?" Zoe jumped in. "And just what were you doing?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Harry playfully avoided the question. "River and I so rarely get moments to ourselves we just had to jump at the chance."

"Err… what?" Kaylee asked, unable to come up with a subtle way to phrase her inquiry.

"What're you doing down here, anyway?" Harry asked Kaylee suddenly.

Kaylee huffed. "I'll have you know, I have as much right as-"

"I meant," Harry jumped in, seeing she got the wrong idea. "Last I heard I was needed to put a silencing charm around a certain bunk with a _Do Not Disturb_ sign on it. I figured we wouldn't hear from either you or the Doc for a while."

"Oh," Kaylee blushed momentarily. "Yes well… sometimes I like to make him wait."

Harry winced and saw Inara and Zoe were smirking at him. "I wasn't exactly hoping for details."

Kaylee shrugged. "Inara taught me how to tie knots he'll never get out of, so I guess you could say I'm _not_ really in a hurry."

Harry tried his best not to laugh and encourage those sorts of bad puns, but couldn't contain his amusement. The cheerfulness and honesty exhibited by Kaylee was as genuine as anything, but that wasn't to say her innocence wasn't without limits.

"Don't laugh at that Harry," Zoe said shaking her head. "She's got much worse."

"Hey," Kaylee pouted, having been quite proud of herself.

"I'm sorry," Harry said looking away. "But once you get the mental image of a Tam naked, you can't ever shake it."

"Maybe you're not shaking it hard enough," Inara said, unable to control herself.

Harry turned to her and laughed out loud. "Good god woman. You may be able to push River's buttons, but I don't embarrass quite so easily. By all means though, you're welcome to try."

"Speaking of River's buttons," Zoe decided to make a concerted effort. "You mind telling me why you're so sweaty?"

Inara had pulled the steaming kettle off and was pouring Harry a healthy cup.

"I'm sorry to say that I do mind," Harry replied accepting his tea. "Too many things could be misinterpreted, and besides, if it comes out, it'll prolly have to stop."

Kaylee's eyes perked up and looked towards the others to make sure she just heard Harry correctly. The slightly widened eyes but calculating looks on Inara and Zoe's faces indicated Kaylee most likely did.

Harry nodded towards Kaylee. "Your boyfriend really takes that overprotective brother role seriously."

Kaylee smiled softly. "He's just concerned about her. He doesn't want to see her get hurt."

"Yes, well," Harry admitted with small smile. "With a little practice, the muscles in the right spots get stronger and then even the hurt feels really good." Harry stood up turning away from the three mischievous young women. "Thanks for the tea, Inara, but I think I need to lie down."

"No… okay," Inara said apparently unsure how to respond to Harry.

Harry lifted an arm briefly, stretching out his sticky shirt once more and sniffed. "Maybe a shower first. Man, that River's a spitfire and a half. I was riding on pure fumes and magic at the end there. Night ladies."

Kaylee opened her mouth and turned towards Inara and Zoe as soon as Harry was out of sight. She snapped it shut when they didn't appear like they were going to say anything. She opened it again and began, "I know I don't always pick up on things, even when they're pretty obvious. But did Harry just…"

"Yeah," Inara said warily. "I mean… I think he did."

Zoe turned towards Inara and clicked her mouth shut as well. "That couldn't have… I mean he wouldn't…" She gave up trying to put her thoughts and fears into words.

"Okay," Kaylee admitted. "We cannot let Simon hear about this. But when he does, _I didn't know_." Kaylee accentuated towards herself resolutely.

"I don't think…" Zoe replied. "I mean… let's not get too far ahead of ourselves."

"Hey Inara!" River whispered harshly as she leant on the doorframe. "Oh sorry. I didn't realize anyone else was in here. Am I interrupting?"

"Nothing important," Inara said putting on her pleasant face. "What can I do for you?" Inara saw a moment of hesitation on River's face and glanced at the other two. "Or did you want to speak to me, privately?"

River waved her off right away. "I'm too sore to care right now," River bit back a laugh at the looks of surprise on their faces. "I didn't want Harry to know, so I told him he could go on back to his bunk, but man, he really pounded on me."

"_Wuh de tyen, ah_!" Kaylee gasped.

"Oh no," River interrupted her. "Nothing like that. It was completely mutual. But I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing what he did to me."

"And," Zoe paused and cleared her throat. "And just what did he do to you?"

"Keep this to yourselves, but _lao tyen yeh_, he popped me but _good_." River turned to ask Inara, "Look, do you have some of that muscle-numbing cream? Because frankly, I can't even walk straight right now."

Kaylee gulped and jumped up. "I think I should go check on Simon." Kaylee saw the strain in the way River waddled fully into Inara's shuttle, clearing a path for Kaylee. Kaylee's voice was high-pitched and nervous as she scurried away. "I hope you feel better."

"Oh don't worry about me," River explained as Kaylee walked away. "Harry got me a lot more times than I got him, but I'm getting better. He'll be the one on his back a lot more, once I get some more practice."

"Good night," Kaylee squeaked as she hurried out of sight.

River shrugged and turned to Inara. "The cream?"

"Oh right," Inara agreed snapping into motion. She dug out a small jar of an orangey-white balm. "I've got lots more, so feel free to use the rest of the jar."

"Thanks," River said ignoring Zoe's stunned face. River reached over onto a couch and picked up a very floofy looking pillow. "You mind if I borrow this?"

Inara shook her head.

"I'll bring it back later," River explained as she turned away. "But right now even sitting hurts."

River waddled her sore body away, leaving two women reeling in fear of what they'd just incited.

**

* * *

**

"Morning Captain," Harry greeted as he walked into the dining room.

Mal looked over at Harry. "It's past two in the afternoon. Not sure you can get away with calling it morning."

"Close enough," Harry argued. "I take we're parked near the usual marketplace?"

Mal nodded.

"Where is everybody?"

"Kaylee was dragging the Doc out somewhere," Mal explained. "Think she may have been trying to keep him away from his sister. Jayne skipped off to… be Jayne. Inara got all sensitive and stormed off. Zoe went with her."

"Inara got all sensitive?"

"Now's not the time, Harry."

"Was the word _whoring_ involved?"

"Harry," Mal warned.

"I guess things are back to normal. Never mind," Harry shook his head in frustration. "How about River?"

"I'm not sure," Mal said. "She was talking to Digdug before he went off. He said he'd cleared it with you and the fireturkey was with him."

Harry nodded, feeling a little lonely that Frank wanted to get away from him and then Digdug wanted to go exploring on his own.

"She might've gone into one of your portal cabinet thingies," Mal surmised. "Not really sure."

"I should probably go check on her," Harry admitted. "There's no portrait to open the cabinet if she went to visit Frank and Peeves."

"Alright," Mal agreed. "Hey, you mind staying here when I run out for a meeting?"

"Don't need backup?" Harry clarified.

Mal shook his head. "Naw, but I don't want to leave Serenity alone. It'll just be an hour or two. You can take the next couple days completely to yourself."

"When do you need me?" Harry asked.

"Meeting's at 3:30, so a little over an hour from now."

"Not a problem, Captain," Harry said as he turned to leave. "That should give me plenty of time to spank River for going through a vanishing cabinet without backup."

"You might want to be careful spanking that one."

"Figure of speech, Captain," Harry said with a bright smile. "I'll be sure to be back in an hour, in case I head out for a quickie."

"Thanks Harry," Mal said going back to the catalog he'd been flipping through, idly wondering why he never noticed Harry's British slang always sounded so dirty.

The hour flew by without incident. Mal was relishing in the long break without interruption from the simple peace and quiet. He looked up and saw Harry oddly enough, coming from the bridge. Harry's body was covered in sweat and he'd taken his shirt off. It was wrapped around his neck and currently serving as a towel for Harry.

Mal grimaced and glared at one of his pilots. "Harry, it's kind of an unspoken rule that you should keep a shirt on in the public areas. At least the guys have to. Around me."

"Sorry Captain," Harry exhaled wiping his forehead again. "Got more of a workout than I was expecting. I definitely need another shower, but I'm not going anywhere, so you're good for your meeting."

"Thanks Harry," Mal answered getting up, able to smell Harry just from this distance. "And please?"

"I got it," Harry said turning to head back towards his bunk. "Shirt. Won't happen again."

Mal decided it was probably time to meet up with Kwan. He was halfway towards the door when he bumped right into an invisible person.

The cloak fell off her slightly, revealing an underdressed and extremely sweaty River Tam. She pulled the cloak around her, making sure she was covered and scampered away. "Sorry, Captain. Don't tell my brother."

Mal just saw her floating head disappear around the corner. "Oh… _wu de ma_."

**

* * *

**

Digdug had returned and was chatting up a storm by goblin measure. He talked uninterrupted for almost a minute. Harry laughed at the young goblin's enthusiasm. No sign at all of anything useful or magical, but one of the most exciting days ever for Digdug. Harry gave him permission to go tell his dad about his findings. Harry also asked the goblin to come back with a bottle or two of firewhiskey.

Inara and Zoe returned, and Harry heard all about the pig-headed asinine Captain. Harry finally got Inara to settle down after he apologized on behalf of all men for existing.

Kaylee and Simon returned just long enough to change into nice clothes as they were going out to some fancy place for dinner. Kaylee was bubbling so much that Simon left his dignity at the door and knew everything about tonight was going to be up to her.

Jayne came back wearing an over-sized pair of sunglasses thick as goggles.

Harry wasn't quite sure what to say, when Jayne asked, "Whaddya think?"

Harry was saved by River when she answered as she walked in the room. "I think they make your feet look small."

"What?" Jayne said looking up at her through his darkened bulky glasses. He looked down at his own feet. "Really?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, just a little bit though. I mean your feet are still… a good size."

"Huh," Jayne said taking off his sunglasses. "The lady selling them said they made me look like a star. Guess you just can't trust a toothless gypsy selling in bulk on box tops anymore,"

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Those types have gotten a bit of a bad rap lately."

"Harry," Mal called out, finally returning from his meeting. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure Captain," Harry said and followed the man up to the bridge. "What've I done now?"

"You know my feelings on relationships among crew," Mal said looking Harry in the eye.

Harry nodded. "I do, but I think it's a mistake to let that stop you from being honest with Inara."

Mal glared at Harry. "I wasn't talking about me."

"You wanna break-up Kaylee and Simon?" Harry said exasperatedly. "That's cold, Captain. That's real cold."

"I wasn't talking about them either."

Harry furrowed his brow. "Is Jayne coming on to you?"

"You and River!" Mal snapped. "I'm talking about you and River."

"Me and River what?" Harry continued completely innocently.

"Look," Mal said not particularly wanting to have this discussion. "I don't wanna know how whatever happened, happened. I just don't want it to happen again. Relationships among crew is just asking for trouble."

"Don't you think you've got a kinda spotty record for enforcing that particular suggestion?"

"Harry…"

"Relax Captain," Harry assured him. "I don't wanna know how you came to whatever understanding you seem to have come to. But you don't need to worry about anything between me and River."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"What we do," Harry explained. "It's purely physical. That's all."

"Harry…" Mal said wincing.

"Sorry," Harry said despite not sounding like he meant it. "I think you're making something out of nothing here Captain. You're as bad as the gossiping girls."

"You got plans tonight?" Mal asked after deciding not to discuss this any further today.

Harry shrugged. "I thought I might grab some take-out, and then see who all felt like drinking some of the best whiskey known to wizardkind."

"Wizard whiskey?" Mal asked curiously.

"_Fire_whiskey," Harry replied. "And considering the newest stuff has to be aged three or four centuries, I think it should be nice and ripe."

"This sauce taste a bit better than that goblin stuff?"

Harry nodded. "Much better. Though the taste always seems almost secondary to the flames."

**

* * *

**

The firewhiskey was a huge hit. The takeout was not so much. Digdug came back with not a bottle or two, but an entire case of Ogden's Finest. Digdug didn't like the taste of the wizarding whiskey and headed off towards bed pretty early. River seemed to be up the challenge of matching Harry shot for shot, and shooting the flames almost as well. It didn't take long before her lack of wizard metabolism caught up with her and she passed out with a smile.

That left Jayne, Zoe, Inara, Mal, and Harry drunkenly sitting around the dinner table, discussing the advantages of inter-crew relationships.

Inara slurred her words, "What Zzzoe and…"

"Wash," Zoe helpfully supplied.

"Wash!" Inara agreed and thanked Zoe. "Yes what Wash and Zzzoe had wasss beautiful."

"Thank you," Zoe agreed with an exaggerated nod. "I'm really starting to love missing that fool."

Mal turned a curious eye to his first mate, who if sober, would never be talking so openly.

"Don't get me wrong," Zoe explained not slurring half as much as Inara. "I'll always wish he was still around." She hiccupped and continued. "But now, when I miss him, it doesn't make me sad, because that missing him is part of still loving him."

"So you don't think you'll ever love someone else again?" Jayne inquired, acting pretty much the same dead drunk as he did sober.

"I don't know," Zoe admitted shaking her head. "But I won't ever stop loving Wash."

Jayne nodded, actually understanding that. "Yeah, I could care less what business you all do in your bunks. And even I'd admit Zoe was more fun when Wash was around."

Zoe sniffled. "I'm really starting to love missing that fool."

"You said that already," Mal jumped in wondering if they would all keep repeating themselves.

"What Zzzoe and Wash had was beautiful," Inara said shaking her finger to make her point seem more important. "We're just a little transport business. We ain't soldiers in a war. If I want to sleep with my Captain, we don't need your tyrannous rules getting in the way."

"But it's complicated for you," Zoe jumped in. "You got those other rules."

"Right," Inara said, oblivious to the smile on Mal's face. "Complicated rules."

"Well," Jayne shrugged. "I could care less what business you all do in your bunks."

"Harry?" Mal said looking towards the snickering wizard. "Are you doing this?"

Harry shook his head. "I think the firewhiskey is affecting their short term memory."

"In that case," Inara slurred. "I'm going to bed before I forget."

"Forget what?" Harry asked innocently.

"Don't you do your voodoo on me," Inara said with a shake of her head. "Where was I going?"

"Go to bed, Inara," Harry instructed her. "But kiss your husband good night first."

Inara leaned down and smacked a wet one on an extremely pale Captain. Mal was pulling away from her, but couldn't move fast enough for the drunken Companion.

"Good night, sweetie," Inara slurred as she left the room.

Harry couldn't take it and was about to burst out laughing when Mal glared at him harshly. "Not a word, Harry."

Harry motioned across his mouth and promised, "My lips are sealed." He twittered a moment, adding, "Sweetie."

Mal grumbled and felt a bit dizzy from the firewhiskey.

"You know," Zoe began suddenly. "I'm…"

"Really starting to love missing that fool?" Harry offered.

"Yes!" Zoe exclaimed loudly. "That's exactly what I was thinking."

"I could care less what you and Wash did in your bunk," Jayne agreed. "What were we talking about?"

"Mal's blush when Inara snogged him," Harry answered.

"Harry!" Mal complained. "That… that… that's some strong whiskey."

"I got an idea Captain," Harry said with an evil grin.

"Can I be on your side when you look that evil?" Mal said with a shiver.

"I was thinking we could try and open their eyes to the dangers of an inter-crew relationship."

Mal looked over at Zoe and Jayne as their heads rolled around in circles. He looked back at Harry. "You are really mean."

Harry just smiled innocently. "And you're perilously close to passing out yourself."

"I'm in," Mal agreed immediately.

**

* * *

**

Zoe woke up slowly, feeling a mild pounding in her head. Her body was sore and aching, but she felt a warm naked arm wrapped around her. "Morning, husband," she greeted as if this morning were like any other from three years ago.

A loud cough thick with mucus answered her before an oddly familiar voice replied, "Morning, whore."

Zoe's eyes snapped open and she sat up revealing she was not wearing much. She pulled her sheet against her body and looked down at the man in her bed. There, lying next to her, wearing some ridiculous sunglasses and some dubious looking underwear was the one and only Jayne Cobb.

Jayne shivered as a cold chill filled the room. "Why you taking all my covers?" he complained without opening his eyes.

"Jayne," Zoe whispered dangerously. "You have three seconds to get the hell out of here before I shoot you."

Jayne's eyes snapped open as he looked out from underneath his sunglasses. "Zoe?"

"Oh _gos se_," Jayne yelped when he saw Zoe's shoulders heaving in restrained rage with every loud breath. "_Gos se, gos se_."

"Look Zoe," Jayne said hopping up, shocked to see he was still wearing his socks. "I don't know what happened here, but I am sorry for whatever it was."

"Get out now," Zoe hissed through her clenched teeth.

Jayne began to whimper and he began scrambling to pick up his clothes.

"Don't you rutting cry on me!"

Jayne whimpered again as he shrieked and ran from her bunk.

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" came Jayne's calls from the hallway as Zoe struggled to control her breathing. She made the fatal mistake of telling herself that this situation could not possibly get any worse. She looked up at her now open bunk door and saw the abhorrent looks on the faces of River, Kaylee, and Inara.

Kaylee's look of fear and horror turned into a small, cheerful smile. "Hi Zoe."


	29. CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT: This is Normalcy?

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT – This is Normalcy?**

"I am very disappointed in you," River said with a frown.

Zoe scrambled to cover herself. "That wasn't what it looked like at all."

"How could you?" River said just shaking her head.

Inara took a big breath and tried to look supportive. "I'll fetch some pills and ointments."

Zoe winced and could not get her bearing at all. Her head was pounding from a hangover, but it wasn't the worst she'd ever had. "I…" Zoe sighed and exhaled. "That couldn't have been what it looked like."

Kaylee shrugged and smiled. "Your hair looks pretty good all tousled like that."

Zoe's stare could have cut glass and Kaylee decided it was time to chase down Jayne. "Sorry," Kaylee said as she beat a hasty retreat.

Zoe looked up at a heartbroken River. River just shook her head staring at Zoe shamefully. "I feel like a piece of me has died." River clenched a fist near her heart. "A big piece."

Zoe snarled and narrowed her eyes at River. Zoe got the feeling there was something she was missing.

Harry walked by right at that moment. "Good morning, Zoe. Sleep well?"

In the blink of an eye, Zoe transformed from a horrified and disgusted female into a raging maelstrom of morning cramps. "YOU!" she screeched in a raspy deep voice.

"Me?" Harry tried to look innocent. "Whatever could you th—_whoa boy_!" Harry gave up playing it coy while he still could. Harry turned tail and ran heading for the cargo bay.

"HARRY!" Zoe was hurriedly pulling a robe on as she tore off down the hall chasing him. "Get back here! Harry!"

"No way!" Harry called out. "You need to calm down. Find your _calm_."

Every time Zoe would just about catch up to him, Harry would apparate ten feet further away.

Harry wasn't above teasing an angry dragon. "I had no idea you were so-"

"Harry!" Zoe demanded. "Stop popping around!"

"You find your calm!" Harry pouted as he apparated around the catwalks in the empty cargo bay.

Zoe stopped her flailing and lunging and settled herself. She clenched her teeth shut and hissed, "I'm calm."

"Are you _really_ calm?" Harry popped down to the floor where Zoe was, but kept the stairs between them. "Or are you just saying that?"

Zoe took another deep breath. She looked right in Harry's eyes and just stared coldly at him.

"Well, alright," Harry said slowly walking out towards her. "Nice to see you've got a level he-"

_KA-POP!_

"Ahh!" Harry yelled ducking back behind the stairs. "You shot me!"

"I grazed you at best," Zoe insisted. "That doesn't count. Get back out here!"

"Are you gonna shoot me again?" Harry said from behind his cover, looking at the fresh bullet hole in his shirt, and rubbing the superficial burn the near miss had given him.

"Are you gonna deserve it?"

Harry stayed quiet for a moment. "That's it. I'm never coming out."

_KA-POP-TWING!_

"Ahh!" Harry yelped jumping up. "Okay. That's enough."

"Did the ricochet get you?" Zoe inquired hopefully.

Harry vanished her gun as he came out from behind the stairs. The meat of his upper thigh was leaking blood and soaking his pant leg. "_Yeah_, I'd say so."

"Good," Zoe took a deep breath and shut her eyes. Out of nowhere she began to dry heave and gag. "I need to scrub myself with sandpaper." Zoe turned and ran back to her bunk. She stopped momentarily and doubled back to grab a gallon of bleach. She called out warningly to Harry, "We're not done yet!"

"Yeah, yeah," Harry groaned. "And I'm still bleeding." Fortunately for Harry this was far from the first time he'd been shot. And ricochets were rarely as deep or dangerous as the usual sorts of bullets Harry had a habit of getting in the way of. With a twiddle of his finger, he summoned the small projectile out of the shallow hole and gasped as he forgot the step involving numbing his leg. A chillingly cold sensation sent his body into trembles. He quickly decided against cleaning or cauterizing the wound, and just jumped right into his field healing training. He shouted out "_Reparo Homo_," while aiming his wand at the dime sized bleeding hole in his upper thigh.

Harry gasped as the loss of blood and jolt of magic seemed too much. Without the adrenaline of danger and fighting, his body decided now was as good a time as any to shut down.

**

* * *

**

"Jayne? Hello?" Kaylee said peeking into the mercenary's bunk.

The man in question spun around pointing his large weapon at her.

"Hey!" Kaylee said backing away. "Point Vera the other way, please."

"Sorry," Jayne said meekly. "I was just talking to Vera. She's the jealous type."

"So…" Kaylee grinned. "What's new?"

Jayne took a deep breath and whistled. "I think Zoe is a little bit mad at me."

"HARRY! Get back here! Harry!" echoed the angry voice from the hallway.

Kaylee snickered. "She might be angrier at others right now."

"You ever have one of those nights where you literally screw your brains out so perfectly that you don't remember it at all?"

Kaylee sat back curiously. "If I did, I don't remember it at all."

"Exactly! We had one of _those_ nights." Jayne leant back with a satisfied smile. He was lost in a daydream. "I bet it was amazing."

"Err, are you okay?" Kaylee asked him curiously. "You're acting all… smitten."

"I'm not smitten," Jayne asked. "Am I?"

"You look smitten to me."

"_Hmmph_," Jayne said scratching his head. "Harry was telling me being in love is the scariest thing in the world. And I ain't ever been half as terrified as I was when Zoe looked at me like she did."

Kaylee held back a guffaw. "I'm not so sure that's quite-"

"You think she's cooled down by now?"

_KA-POP!_

"Probably not just yet," Kaylee answered recognizing the sound of gunfire. "You think we should go check on them?"

"Naw," Jayne said waving Kaylee off. "That was just a warning shot. Nothing to worry about."

"I don't know," Kaylee said doubtfully.

"She's just trying to scare him," Jayne explained

_KA-POP-TWING!_

"With two warning shots," Jayne amended.

"Jayne!" Kaylee said getting up to help.

"There's nothing wrong with warning before a warning shot," Jayne explained. "Sometimes you gotta give 'em a warning shot for a good and proper warning shot, ya know?"

"Why don't you wanna go check on them?"

"Not really sure," Jayne said scratching his chin. "Maybe it's my maternal instincts."

Kaylee looked at Jayne oddly. "Yeah," she simply agreed and opened the door. She peered out the hall and saw a dangerous looking Zoe approaching carrying cleaning supplies. "You okay, Zoe?"

Zoe just snapped a look at Kaylee in answer to her question.

"Right," Kaylee agreed. "Anything I can do to help?"

Zoe deflated a bit and shook her head. "I just need a shower right now."

Kaylee grinned and nodded, while Jayne stuck his head out from behind her. "You want some company?"

Zoe clenched her eyes shut and silently wished she still had her gun. "Jayne, do me a favor."

Jayne flashed her a lecherous grin and thought back to all the crazy sex he couldn't remember. "I hear 'Jayne do me' and the rest is just blurry."

Zoe glared up at Jayne.

"Right, sorry toots," Jayne replied seeing the displeasure on Zoe's face. "Whaddya need?"

Zoe swallowed the bile in the back of her throat and ordered, "Jayne, please. Just go get a hooker. Now. If I have to, I'll reimburse you. Just go now."

Jayne's eyes lit up hungrily and a smile split across his face. "Of course!" He ran up to Zoe and hugged her, ignoring the bottle of bleach she used to try to stop him. "You're the bestest girlfriend ever! I'ma git a whore!"

Zoe and Kaylee could only watch Jayne skipping away in happiness.

Zoe shuddered uncontrollably for just a second and hurried back to her bunk, intent on scrubbing at least a couple of layers of skin off.

**

* * *

**

"Get up, you big baby," Zoe said kicking Harry in the blood stained pant leg.

"Bloody hell," Harry groaned waking up to a sharp pain in his upper thigh. As he slowly came to, Harry felt the right side of his head pounding and sore. Not to mention he could only hear out of his left ear. "What the…" Harry reached up and felt the hand pressed up to his head on the numb side of his face. "River!"

"Yes Harry?" River said happily, wiggling the tip of her pinkie she managed to stick in his ear.

"Why did you… I mean…" Harry blustered and settled on. "Get your finger outta my ear!"

River turned her wrist slightly and yanked sharply, dislodging her finger with a slurping _pop_ sound.

"Ahhh!" Harry shrieked at the sound and painful sensitivity. "What is wrong with you people?"

"Just reminiscing about the glory days," River said thinking back. "Good times, good times."

"This is your fault!" Zoe yelled at Harry. "You and that stupid wizard drink."

"Are you okay?" Harry asked tapping the side of his head, feeling the blood rushing in and out of the right side of his head. "I mean you look… raw."

"I just shed two layers with a pumice stone," Zoe snapped. "And I _still_ feel dirty."

Harry sniffed the finger that rubbed some of the condensation in his ear and turned to River. "Did you use shortening?"

"It wouldn't fit," River explained. "So I got a stick of butter."

Harry licked his finger and immediately regretted it. "That tastes worse than feet."

"Well, it's probably mainly your waxy build-up," River argued wondering what compelled Harry to sample the substance in his ear.

"Hello?" Zoe jumped in. "I shot you and I want to shoot you again!"

"You want me to find you a gun?" River offered. "Or would a harpoon do?"

"River," Harry warned. "Be nice. Or no play time for you. Now tell me, Zoe. What seems to be the problem? Butterflies in your belfry?"

"Harry," Zoe sighed, knowing violence didn't make her feel much better, nor did it answer her questions. "What the hell happened last night? What was in that whiskey?"

"Ogden's Finest Firewhiskey?" Harry pondered and admitted. "Honestly I don't know. But Digdug might. He knows goblin whiskey pretty well, so maybe firewhiskey is similar."

"What did happen after I passed out?" River asked looking at Zoe and Harry. "I remember a drinking game, I remember thinking '_gos se_, Harry won,' and then… it's kinda black." River paused and saw the anguish on Zoe's face. "Although considering this morning, maybe I saw something I didn't want to see and have hidden it in the inner recesses of my mind."

Zoe fell back to sit down in resignation. "Husband's gonna hate for me eternity."

"I think Wash'd understand," River said with a determined nod. "It's been over two years since you felt the comforting touch of a man. You were drunk and with trusted friends. Wash's voice might get all high-pitched and indignant, but he'd understand."

"Jayne?" Zoe said reminding River of the main detail she'd overlooked. "This is Jayne we're talking about. You think he'd understand _this_?"

Harry snickered. "I may not have gotten to know Wash, but personally, I think he'd find it hilarious."

"Harry!" Zoe snapped. "This is your fault, you know."

"Some things just happen," Harry said with his eyes twinkling merrily. "You were laying into Mal about how stupid he was forcing his own inability to admit his feelings for Inara, by demonstrating how easily crew members can get involved."

"That's why I slept with Jayne?" Zoe jerked up, trying to remember the night before.

"Are you looking for a rational answer to that question?" River clarified.

"Zoe, listen," Harry pleaded. "I didn't know the firewhiskey would get you all quite _that_ inebriated. It's probably because it's so old and it's supposed to get stronger with age. But it's still just alcohol. It may remove some of your reservations, but it doesn't control you, cause hallucinations, or make you do anything that some part of you doesn't wish to do."

"Harry," Zoe hissed dangerously.

"Hang on," Harry said. "I'm just saying nothing all that bad could have happened. Could it be maybe you just never realized you were attracted to Jayne and you're taking out your anger towards yourself on me instead?"

"What?" Zoe snapped.

"What?" River echoed.

Harry shrugged. "I just don't want you to be angry here. I mean things happen, life goes on. You can forgive me, right Zoe?"

Zoe just stared at Harry incredulously.

Harry looked at her hopefully. "Please?"

"You did shoot him," River added.

Zoe stared in silence. "Fine," she huffed. "I'm willing to admit that it may not be _entirely _your fault."

"Great!" Harry cheered. "And seriously, completely, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I'm quite sure Wash would not think any less of you. He's probably watching over you, laughing his arse off."

Zoe sighed as her anger faltered when faced with Harry's infectious grin.

"Anyways," Harry added as he got up and prepared himself. Harry took a deep breath and began rapid-fire speaking as fast as he could. "Nothing happened between you and Jayne. I just stripped you both down after you passed out and stuck you in your bed. I'll see you later." And with a pop, Harry apparated away to safety.

River saw Zoe had clearly understood Harry's quickly spat out rambling confession. "He's kinda sexy when he's scared like a nancy boy," River commented to the silently steaming Zoe.

"Oh thank god," Zoe said clutching her heart. "Nothing happened. Nothing happened."

"Of course nothing happened," River said looking at Zoe. "There are some things you will do when drunk that you wouldn't otherwise. And then there are things that not even the dark evil magic can accomplish."

"That wretched old man," Zoe said moving past her relief and right back into wanting to shoot Harry.

"He's right though," River added.

Zoe turned to look questioning at River.

"Wash would find it hilarious. He always liked seeing you angry at people not him."

Zoe decided she needed to get another gun and see if Harry perhaps forgot to lock his bunk door.

"Listen Zoe," Mal said sticking his head into the cargo area. "I knew you were for inter-crew relationships, but I had-"

"Where's that harpoon, River?" Zoe said sticking her hand out, waiting to be armed.

Mal's eyes bugged out and he decided he'd already had enough ribbing of his first mate for now. "I'm gonna go check on… that… companion-y girl."

Zoe watched the Captain run away scared and started to smile. There was fun to be had here.

**

* * *

**

The last two months of supposed normalcy were really taking their toll on the Captain. Mal still wasn't so sure about the memory Harry had presented involving a not entirely unappreciated kiss and his new pet name of 'sweetie.' Inara seemed to be ignoring him more than usual, but Mal was slightly thankful for that. Zoe had been relentless about reminding him how unwise trying to discourage romantic entanglements was.

Not to mention, Mal really didn't want to think about the number of times he caught Harry and River slipping out from small enclosed rooms, extremely sweaty and usually hungry. Those two had managed to deflect all questions and notice from Simon, until Kaylee couldn't take it anymore and flat out told him.

Mal was not prepared for Simon to be completely aware of the situation and unconcerned. Especially when Simon pointed out, he'd watched a couple of times. Apparently, having a doctor on hand was somewhat useful to River and Harry's clandestine interactions. That was when Mal decided he didn't care at all about his crew's dating habits. He just didn't want to hear about it.

Mal had also made the mistake of bringing up the subject of Wash in one of his more personal discussions with Zoe. He was nearly shot at, but it did come with the benefit of discovering that she had not in fact bumped any uglies with Jayne. After viewing another memory with Harry, he discovered his own compliance in the charade. He really wished that he hadn't watched the memory all the way through, revealing that he'd been the one to undress Jayne.

Inara had taken Digdug in her shuttle a couple times to check out nearby planets. None of them showed any signs of being welcoming homes for goblins, or containing any significant semblance of magic. The little goblin had become far more comfortable around the crew, a little bit too comfortable in Mal's opinion. Apparently, if you belch in front of a goblin, the friendly response is to belch back. Jayne and Digdug could carry on conversations for hours speaking nothing but belch, usually ending with Jayne accidentally regurgitating a little bit.

Harry was almost the most disconcerting of the bunch. He had not been pressuring the Captain. He'd not even brought up the possibility of taking their vacation of normalcy towards Alpha and Jersey. No, Harry was just being mischievous and the most normal and laid-back of the bunch. It was really making Mal nervous.

Frank and Peeves had dropped by. They'd managed to break out in the night after having loaded up on all the supplies they could. Frank figured, if used sparingly, he had enough hyperdrive fuel to keep him flying for a year before he'd need to find a way to steal more. Frank had already gone to visit Antonio and let Peeves scare the crap out of him when he was reading a newspaper in the bathroom. Mr. Universe, acting on Frank's behalf, had to agree to destroy the video of the incident in question. Frank was more than happy to point out they never specified just when he would get around to destroying the video.

Harry setup a portrait onto both of the second pair of vanishing cabinets. One on the cabinet hidden in the storage space on Frank and one on its matching pair stationed in the dining room of Serenity. The one on Serenity held the portrait of Dilys Derwent that used to hang in the Headmaster's office. She was a pleasant woman and she might know a thing or two about healing, a field Mal figured to be useful. Her cabinet, linked to the one on Frank, was positioned right next to the portrait of Luna and the cabinet linked back to the one in Harry's vault and the Earth-That-Was. The two portraits had a few interesting conversations, but oftentimes Luna was trying to teach Dilys a new language. Luna was still in the process of making up the language, a fact Dilys suspected but had no proof of.

Mal had talked to Kwan and found nothing useful. If he ever wanted to get into the assassination business, there was work, but no jobs Mal's conscience was ready for. He tried talking to every contact he had. Capshaw, Horowitz, Holden boys, Slick Willie, Monty, Big Willie, Fanty and Mingo, Willie, and now he was contemplating Badger. He'd even tried Duncan, but apparently Zoe beat him to that punch. She'd told Duncan not to give them any jobs until they helped Harry with a personal thing.

Mal was thinking normalcy was working against him. It was like a constant anxiety just waiting to complicate his life, and trying to be normal was beginning to feel like running. He couldn't rule out that this wasn't some of Harry's voodoo, but given Mal's history with luck he had to give Harry the benefit of the doubt.

That didn't mean he wasn't going to give Harry hard time.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the cradle-robber himself."

"Excuse me?" Harry yipped, uncertain he heard right.

"Mmm," Mal considered it. "Okay, I will."

"What?"

"Excuse you," Mal explained. "Just this once. So don't ever let it happen again."

"Let what happen?"

"I think age is catching up with you, Harry," Mal commented with a grin before getting to the point of his little conversation. "Now I was thinking, you know."

"That's worrisome," Harry cheekily interrupted.

Mal ignored Harry and continued. "And I couldn't help but notice that River's done all of the flying since we got back."

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "She's doing really well and she likes flying. It makes her feel useful."

"See, the more I think about it," Mal pondered, looking mischievous. "You said it yourself, her shields may even be stronger than yours. Which means I got a real good pilot in stable condition. Don't see the need for two pilots."

"Oh really?" Harry played along. "So you think you don't need me anymore?"

Mal raised a curious eyebrow, slightly disappointed at Harry's lack of concern.

"Not even to keep me around to backup your mechanic?"

Mal jerked up. "What did you do to Kaylee?"

"Oh no," Harry said shaking his hands. "I had nothing to do with this one."

"This what?" Mal asked curiously.

Harry stopped, opened his mouth, and then shut it. He stood there waiting, completely ignoring Mal's confused stare. Finally after about ten seconds, Harry shook his head. "Sorry, I thought Kaylee was going to speak up just now."

"_WU DE MA_! I'M LATE!" Kaylee's voice boomed throughout the ship.

"No," Harry commented with a grin, enjoying Mal's curiosity. "I think she was right on time."

"She's late for what?" Mal asked uncertainly.

"Actually," Harry grinned. "I think Simon's the one answering that question right about now."

"Huh?" Mal asked.

Harry raised a finger. "Just wait for it."

It took another ten seconds before Kaylee's voice was back again.

"_WU DE MA_! I'M PREGNANT!"

"_Gos se_!" Mal groaned.

"See?" Harry grinned. "You might need another occasional mechanic-slash-healer around, even if your good and stable pilot does all the flying."

"_Gos se_!" Mal repeated.

Harry shook his head. "This would never have happened if I had been unnecessarily putting everyone in danger. I'm just saying."

"_Gos se_."

**

* * *

**

"She okay, Doc?" Harry asked as a very dazed looking Simon entered the dining room.

"She's fine," Simon answered without really looking at anyone. "Sleeping."

"And are you okay?" Harry asked.

"I'm fine," Simon said still yet to even notice anyone.

"Sleeping?" Jayne asked, continuing Simon's line of thought.

Simon shook his head. "How did this happen?"

"I could draw you a picture," Jayne offered.

"Stop," Zoe insisted pointing at Jayne.

"Zoe'd be in it," Jayne added, ignoring the order.

"Harry?" Zoe asked looking towards the wizard helpfully.

Harry nodded and waved his hand towards Jayne. "_Silencio_," Harry cast loud and clear.

Jayne shut his mouth for a moment before mumbling, "Thanks Harry."

"Jayne," Harry said tiredly ignoring the looks from the others. "The fake silencing charm doesn't work so well when you thank me."

"Sorry," Jayne admitted.

"We've always been careful," Simon argued, still lost in the clouds.

"Doc," Harry said waving his hand in front of Simon's face. "You there, buddy?"

"I'm fine," Simon answered finally looking Harry in the eye. He looked away still not quite all there.

"You guys did it," Jayne snickered at Simon, imagining the event now that there was verifiable evidence.

"Jayne," Zoe warned.

"And now you're gonna be a dad," Jayne punctuated with a slap on the table. "Hey, if it's a boy, you should call him Jayne."

"He's already gonna be Simon's kid," Zoe grinned, enjoying the stupor the Doc was in. "Let's not completely condemn him just yet."

"Hey!" Simon snapped out of it, realizing they were ganging up on him.

"Welcome back, Dad," Harry grinned. "So when's the bastard due?"

Zoe jumped in recognizing the smirk on Harry's face and added, "Or are you gonna make an honest woman of our fair Kaylee?"

"I… I…" Simon swallowed loudly and sat back.

"You're fine?" Jayne suggested.

"I'm gonna check on Kaylee," Simon said avoiding the question.

"Don't call her that," Harry frowned. "Call her what she is, the mother of your child."

Zoe, Harry, and Jayne were all snickering as Simon hurried away.

"Where's Mal?" Zoe asked.

Harry smiled. "I think this may be too much normalcy for him. He didn't feel like congratulating the happy couple."

"Alright," Mal said entering the dining room. "You win. Let's go do Harry's thing. This isn't working."

"Captain?" Harry asked.

"You're right," Mal agreed. "If we were off on your wild goose chase, this wouldn't have happened. I think there's a limit on how much normal is healthy and we're about one unplanned pregnancy past our limit."

"Are you sure?"

"Just do it, Harry," Mal sighed grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"I'll plot a course," Harry agreed heading up to the bridge. "We'll be on our way as soon as Inara and Digdug get back."

It took an hour before Inara and Digdug returned. "What's the rush?" Inara said as they walked into the dining room. "Why the urgent wave?"

Harry grinned as River nodded and headed to the bridge to take off. "Guess who's pregnant?"

"Oh _gos se_, Harry," Inara said shaking her head. "You didn't."

"No," Harry warbled back. "I most certainly did not."

Inara gasped and turned to Zoe. "Please don't kill it!"

"Nothing happened!" Zoe snapped at the implication.

"A whole _lot_ of nothing," Jayne agreed with a knowing lewd nod.

"Oh… oh. Ohhhh!" Inara caught on. "How're they taking it?"

"A bit surprised at the moment," Harry answered. "Mal's probably taking it the hardest."

Inara grumbled. "That stubborn, idiotic-"

"Sweetie?" Jayne suggested.

"Yeah, him," Harry agreed. "He's ready to go wizard-hunting. We're taking off for Jersey right now."

"Finally," Digdug said with a sigh. "I thought he'd never break."

"Digdug?" Harry said looking at the goblin warily.

"What?" Digdug shrugged. "I'm looking out for Potter interests."

"I don't wanna know," Harry decided and went to go check on River.

**

* * *

**

"The goblin's been working us?" Simon asked in confusion.

"Digdug's not _been working us_," Kaylee argued. "He's just been trying to subtly… influence the Captain. He's not some criminal mastermind. This is survival of his species."

"Kaylee!" Inara greeted seeing the bubbly young woman out from her room. "Are you sure you should be up and around?"

"I'm fine, Inara," Kaylee assured her. "I'm only three weeks along. I got a few months of business as usual before you need to worry about me."

"I thought you were looking a little chubby," Jayne commented. "Least now you got an excuse."

Jayne saw his addition to the conversation was not particularly welcome. He shrugged and turned to the Companion. "Hey Inara, I got an idea and I want to run it by you."

"Oh dear," Inara answered.

"You know how you call your clients _Johns_?" Jayne explained. "I was thinking John's had a good run, but it's time for a change. Nothing too drastic to confuse the stupider, you know," Jayne broke out his quote fingers, "professionals."

Inara sighed, a little disappointed to realize this wasn't even offensive to her anymore.

Jayne looked quite proud of his cleverness. "So whaddya say we start calling them… Jaynes."

"As in Jane Doe?" Kaylee said. "Because I think the illegal brothels on the rim already do that."

"That's for girls though," Jayne said. "I'm talking simplicity, a good unisex name. They can all be Jaynes, boys and girls."

"Can we call them men and women," Simon jumped in. "For my sake, please."

"It's not gonna happen, Jayne," Inara said, getting the feeling Harry put him up to this.

"Now I know that's your initial impulse," Jayne said. "And I respect that."

"You do?" Kaylee asked skeptically.

"Sorta, yeah," Jayne agreed less than decisively. "But I figure they're whores, you know? So what's it gonna take, Inara? How much you think it's gonna cost me to get your bosses to officially adopt the new word _Jaynes_?"

Inara pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming. "How much would you guess this is Harry's fault?"

"One hundred percent," Simon answered without pause.

"Hey!" Jayne argued. "This is my idea! I just overheard him talking to his fireturkey about it. He didn't even know I was listening."

"Told you," Simon said with a nod at Inara.

"Jayne," Inara began and paused before continuing, "You can't afford a change like that. They're just too expensive."

Jayne wasn't going to be so easily deterred. "Come on, just give me a number."

"One hundred bajillion," Inara said with a roll of her eyes.

"_Gos se_," Jayne cursed. "Harry said it'd be too much."

"We're gonna arrive at Jersey tomorrow morning," Mal said entering the room. "Kaylee, you and the Doc wanna hang back? Keep the baby away from the excitement?"

"No!" Kaylee argued. "I wanna go wizard-hunting too."

"That's fine," Mal said. "But you'll be going without me then. I'm staying with Serenity. No way I'm leaving her unguarded on Alpha."

Kaylee frowned but nodded. "We can take turns. I'll bring ya some lunch and you can go hunting out in the afternoon."

Mal shrugged. "I don't mind guarding the homestand."

**

* * *

**

"Hey Harry," Jayne said sticking his head onto the bridge. "Harry?" Jayne saw no one on the bridge, just a large trunk on the ground. "Who's driving this thing?"

"I am," Harry said climbing his way up and out of the trunk. "What's up Jayne?"

"You were… in your trunk?"

"Well, I wasn't alone," Harry clarified, as he magically summoned a water bottle and began to cool down.

Jayne peered over Harry's shoulder at the trunk. "In that little thing?"

"It's bigger than it looks," Harry said.

"Huh," Jayne commented but was interrupted by River crawling out of the trunk as well.

"Cripes Harry," River climbed out and was gingerly testing her left hip. "I think you broke my hi-"

"Ahem," Harry cleared his throat loudly, interrupting her. River looked up suddenly and realized they weren't alone on the bridge. She quickly tried to cover, "My hi- hymen." Sometimes River thought a little too quickly for her own good.

Harry and Jayne just stared at her equally impressed at what she'd managed to say.

"Is that so?" Jayne said, not really sure what a hymen was, but could tell it was making River blush.

"Why don't you let me heal that," Harry said, holding back his laughter.

"That's not… really…" River stumbled through her words. "Necessary."

Harry put his hand over the tender area River had been pressing and incanted, "_Reparo Homo_." He just left his wand strapped to his forearm and let his hand put pressure to see if she had broken her hip.

River didn't need to hear Jayne's evil giggling to know how it must have looked with Harry's hand sending magic into her pelvis. She tried to ignore it, but that stupid healing spell always felt dangerously good.

Harry staggered as he usually overdid the spell.

"Thank you Harry," River said, maintaining her poise.

"Do it again, Harry," Jayne cheered. "Break that hymen, just so you can heal it again."

"What?" Simon gasped walking in on the tail end of the conversation. "What did you just say?"

"Err… nothing," Jayne replied. "Harry, I was just wondering if when we get to Jersey, we could swing by a post office?"

"Sure," Harry agreed.

"Thanks, Harry," Jayne turned to go back to his bunk. He explained proudly, "I gotta tell Mom about my girlfriend."

Simon, River, and Harry all watched the slightly delusional man disappear from the bridge.

Jayne sat back in his bunk and tore a page out from the back of the Book of Jayne. He got out his trusty pencil and sat back to write Courtney Cobb a letter.

_Hey Mom. It's me. Jayne. Not a lot has changed since I last wrote you. Oh. __Well, I guess Harry did lead us on a pilgrimage back to Earth-That-Was. That was a trip. But don't tell anyone. The planet was pretty much what you'd expect. Just a giant orange ball hotter than a fresh frisked fox in a forest fire. Though a few miles under the surface we found an entire race of weird people who are like honorary descendents of Harry. They call him Master, even though it makes Harry uncomfortable._

_Zoe got herself a taste of the Jaynes and won't leave me alone. A bit clingy for a girlfriend. I may have to dump her. No… aww crud. Ignore the bird poop on this letter Mom. Harry's pet has a somewhat twisted sense of humor. Silly immortal._

_Oh well, I'm going to sleep now. Gonna try and find out how alone Harry may be in this universe tomorrow. He's a bit of an odd one. He even brought a ship to life. Like it's now a living thinking thing. A rutting ship. Weirdo._

_Love,  
Jayne_

_P.S. – Kaylee's pregnant. Simon might even be the father. Who knows._

**

* * *

**

"So this is Jersey?" Simon commented idly. He saw all the signs of civilization: large buildings, very little plant growth, unless you counted the fungi all over places, trash littered through the streets and sidewalks. "It's… well, I guess it is as bad as I feared."

"Don't let the look fool you," Jayne commented, double checking he had his guns. "This place got big brother as bad as everywhere in the core."

"Just cause the Feds may not come streaming in right away, don't mean they're not coming," Zoe added looking both ways as they exited Serenity.

"So where to?" River asked.

"Digdug? Fawkes? You guys gonna be okay?" Harry checked.

Digdug nodded slightly, making sure to not jostle the phoenix perched on his head hidden underneath the invisibility cloak with him.

"Either of you got a preference which way we go?"

Both magical creatures shook their heads.

"River?"

"How bout that way?"

"Sure," Harry agreed and started walking in the direction River pointed. "Any reason you chose this way?"

River shrugged. "I felt like walking towards the sun."

"So what are we looking for exactly?" Inara asked the group.

"A post office and wizards," Jayne answered.

Harry chuckled and elaborated, "Signs of odd things, men wearing dresses that wouldn't even fool Jayne, out of the ordinary places or reactions, confused people-"

"Dragons," Jayne offered.

"Yes, dragons would be something worth noting," Harry agreed.

"I think we get the picture," Inara said.

"I was figuring we could walk for an hour or two and if nothing is found, then try out some of the public transportation," Harry suggested, looking around as they walked through the dirty streets and interconnected back alleys.

"Public transportation?" Kaylee squeaked.

"Have we done something to wrong you?" Inara wondered.

Harry turned back to them and felt like the Headmaster scolding students. "Public transportation allows me to meditate as we move around the area quicker. In the past the magical alleys or portals have been near muggle transportation, train stations, bus stops, airports."

"Yeah but that's where disease lives too," Kaylee added.

"Well don't drink the blood then," Harry replied. "You guys are welcome to split off and do some shopping, if you'd rather, but I need to check out a lot of area, including near public transportation spots."

"Nah," Kaylee said shaking her head. "I'd rather stick together, but don't let me stop anyone else."

They all agreed to stick together for now. Walking up and down the random streets, they found a post office and Jayne paid for his letter to get sent to New Pitt. Bottled water was popular as the sun got pretty hot. After Jayne kept asking about every homeless person they passed, Harry instructed them to be a little stricter in what caught their interest. It only took an hour of walking around before popular opinion agreed wizard-hunting was not as fun as it sounded.

Digdug's invisible snickering at their sighs and groans of boredom amused Harry and River both. Around 10:30 in the morning, they arrived at an underground subway station. Kaylee seemed to be doing fine, but Simon preemptively broke out the baby card and they shifted their search towards mass transportation.

Locating the emptiest subway car they could, the group of Harry, River, Simon, Kaylee, Jayne, Zoe, Inara, Digdug, and Fawkes took over a couple of rows for themselves. Digdug sat on the floor, rather then give the impression there was an empty seat. Harry took two seats near the window as he sat cross-legged in a lotus position. The others all relaxed glad to be off their feet for a break and keeping an eye out in all directions.

Harry focused inwardly on his magic and felt nothing at all out of the ordinary or indicative of anything hopeful about this area or planet. He centered himself and relaxed into a state of consciousness where his senses could identify magic coming from any direction. It was a complicated and useful technique for dueling, but in a practically magicless twenty-sixth century, it worked especially well for locating the nearest signs of magic.

Kaylee watched Harry's eyelids fluttering as he seemed to zone off. She turned to River, "You hear from Peeves or Frank in a while?"

River nodded, "I went and visited them yesterday. They were cruising deep into sector two."

"Two?" Simon repeated.

"Yup," River stopped. "I guess that makes me one of the furthest cosmonauts ever in that direction of the verse."

"What're they doing over there?" Jayne asked.

River shrugged. "Exploring the universe. Probably a lot more of it than any human's ever seen."

"That sounds exciting," Kaylee grinned.

Inara shrugged. "So does wizard-hunting."

"True," Kaylee agreed she looked over towards the wall and blinked. "Where'd Harry go?"

The others suddenly realized he wasn't there.

"He'll be back," Digdug's voice answered from under the cloak on the floor. Right on cue, Harry's body was back in place, seated in the exact same lotus position. "See."

"Harry?" River asked when she saw the others looking at her. "Is that normal?"

"We just passed a cat," Harry said without opening his eyes or moving any differently. "But it was probably about a quarter kneazle."

"Is that a good sign?" Zoe inquired.

"Not really," Harry replied. "Muggles have always had pet kneazles thinking they were just odd cats."

They all sat silently as the subway stopped and people poured in and out of their car. Once they started moving again, Harry asked, "Anyone paying attention?"

Digdug answered, "Nope you're clear."

Once again, Harry disappeared, only to reappear seconds later, dropping a necklace on the ground. "Hang on to that."

Digdug's hand snuck out from under the cloak and pulled the necklace in.

"Are we stealing?" Jayne's eyes perked up.

"It's magical," Digdug answered.

"Oh," Jayne frowned. "What's it do?"

"Dunno," Digdug replied.

"Maybe it strangles people," Jayne mused. "Or turns into a dragon."

Harry's face was smiling, but he was still deep in meditation. He answered, "It gives you hickeys without your notice."

"Cool," Jayne cheered. "Can I have it?"

"You're not really the jewelry giving type, Jayne," Inara commented.

Harry cracked an eye open and looked at Jayne. "You're gonna wear it, aren't you?"

"Not around my neck," Jayne insisted.

"You know I think maybe splitting up is a good idea," Simon interrupted. "Kaylee?"

"Yeah, why don't we grab an early lunch somewhere, and let the Captain come out this afternoon," Kaylee agreed.

"I think I'll join you," Inara agreed. "Zoe?"

Zoe shook her head. "I wanna keep my eye on things around here."

"Alright, we're gonna get off at the next stop then," Simon said standing up. "You guys want to meet us back here in an hour or two?"

"Main street station," Zoe agreed. "Why don't we meet you out front of here at one, okay?"

"One o'clock," Simon agreed as the car slowed to a stop. Harry was in his trance and made no sounds or movements. "We'll let you know what we find."

Jayne watched the three others leave and the doors close. He saw their car was pretty empty and turned back to see Harry off in his la-la land while River and Zoe were looking at him. "So… is this officially a double date?"

"Jayne," Zoe sighed. "I'm armed."

"Is that a yes?" River asked.

"Yes," the once-again forgotten invisible goblin answered. "I'd say it's a double date."

"You know I can concentrate better the quieter it is," Harry commented.

"Well then maybe you should stop talking," River helpfully pointed out.

Harry opened his eyes to glare. "Great. Thanks River. I appreciate the distraction. With my luck I just completely missed the massive entrance to Diagon Alley because you wanted to be a smart aleck."

"You know it's more likely," River argued. "That with your luck, you missed it by going on a little diatribe just now that was longer than your previous distraction. Also and again, _your fault_."

Harry felt Fawkes presence calming him before snapping a glare towards the bird, when it started going a bit too far. "Give up on the nestling, you overgrown turkey."

Harry relented under Fawkes amused response and relaxed back into his magical center.

"What's a nestling?" Jayne asked.

"It's like a dumpling," River explained. "But with less guano, more nest."

Zoe smiled at the description, especially seeing how quickly Jayne accepted it as truth.

The group of four people on the unofficial double date and the invisible goblin and phoenix fidgeted for the next hour without anything particularly successful of note. They decided to ride the subway until the end of the line and let Fawkes take them back to meet Simon, Kaylee, and Inara. When they got out where the subway system required them to, they examined the area of yet another slum, without any further signs of magic. They had just a few minutes left, so Harry turned himself invisible, while the other three humans and Digdug covered themselves in their invisibility cloaks. Harry grabbed onto Fawkes and the group was transported safely out of sight. They stashed their cloaks in pockets and looked around for indications of where they were.

Half a block up was the entrance to the subway station where Simon, Kaylee, and Inara were all waiting on a bench.

"Any luck?" Jayne asked as they approached the others.

"Yes!" Kaylee squealed. "There's this great Italian restaurant just five blocks up that way. It was delicious!"

"Any luck with wizards?" Zoe clarified.

"Oh," Kaylee blushed having been a bit too excited about her lunch. "No. Nothing like that."

"I've got my second wind," Inara admitted. "I'm up for some more walking around aimlessly."

"I'm good too," Simon agreed.

Kaylee frowned. "We should go back to Serenity and see if the Captain wants to get some fresh air."

"We could call him," Harry pointed out and pulled out his communicator.

"Connecting now," Mr. Universe answered immediately.

"Mal?" Harry spoke into it. "Captain? Are you there?"

"Harry!" Mal's voice replied. "How goes your search?"

"Pretty fruitless so far," Harry said. "Nothing more than on any other central planet."

"Sorry to hear that," Mal answered.

"Yeah, anyways," Harry continued. "Kaylee's wondering if you wanted a reprieve. They're all ready to keep the good search on, but she's worried you may want the fresh air."

"I do!" Mal jumped at the chance. "This is killing me. I tried reading a book and it wasn't until the third chapter that I realized it was a wizarding romance novel."

Harry snickered. "And then what'd you do?"

"Well," Mal paused and added under his breath. "Don't tell this to the others but I'm on chapter twelve now. You magic folk are way too hung up on wand size."

Harry was shushing all the others, huddled around his communicator listening to the Captain.

"So are you gonna tell Kaylee that she's up for boat-watch?" Harry asked. "And I'll come get you?"

"No no," Mal pleaded. "You do it. Make something up. Just tell her that she's been on her feet enough, she needs to think about the baby."

Harry couldn't hold in his snicker. He warned the Captain, "You know she can hear you talking."

"Hi Captain," Kaylee greeted leaning in towards Harry's communicator.

"Oh," Mal admitted, hurrying to think of an excuse. "Well in that case, I think I'm gonna hang up now. Because I'm actually the digital intelligence Mr. Universe trying to make it sound like I'm the brilliant, attractive Captain Reynolds. And if I hang up now, it'll really look like I'm Mal." There was a pause before he added, "Right. Umm… goodbye."

Harry was looking at the others, clicking off his communicator. "That was pretty good."

"That _was_ the Captain, right?" Kaylee asked.

"I don't know," Harry argued. "What do you think?"

Kaylee shrugged. "I just wanna know if I'm supposed to go back to Serenity."

"Yes," Simon answered. "It sounds like he's losing it."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Inara argued. "If it's _Every Werewitch Has a Silver Lining_ then that's a pretty good book."

Harry turned to Digdug. "What have you been giving them?"

"Hogwarts library isn't all spell books," Digdug explained. "There's some steamy fiction."

Harry knew that was true. He remembered confronting Hermione about studying too much early in their seventh year. That led to a very red-faced conversation when he cast a finite on her Advanced Arithmancy book and discovered The Red Robe Diaries Volume Thirty-Seven. An indignant squawk led into a detention with Madame Pince where he was forced to reorganize the library section in question. Harry grew up a lot that year. And he killed Voldemort.

"Right," Harry said snapping out of a daydream. "Simon? You going to keep the mother of your child entertained?"

"Yes, we're both going," Simon answered still uncomfortable every time Harry reminded him.

Harry led the pair back into a secluded corner out of view and apparated them right back to Serenity. Harry grabbed hold of the Captain and apparated back into the secluded alley. He was gone less than a minute before returning to the benches with Jayne, Zoe, Inara, River, Digdug, and Fawkes.

"Afternoon ladies and Inara," Mal greeted. "How're we all doing?"

"Some of us are hungry," Jayne commented. "How bout it, Mal?"

"I could go for a bite," the Captain answered. "Anywhere good around here?"

"There's a decent Italian restaurant a few blocks away," Inara retorted. "I haven't been there in… at least minutes now."

"Lead the way," Harry agreed to the other's approval.

The group began the five block walk towards the restaurant and Mal was finding out how their morning had gone. "So is this what I have to look forward to? A lot of time-consuming pointless walking without anything useful accomplished?"

"That gonna be a problem?" Harry asked with a grin.

"Nope," Mal said with a smile. "Looking forward to it actually."

"I take that as a good omen," Inara grinned.

"Harry! Harry!" Digdug begged, grabbing onto Harry's sleeve. The others all stopped at the frantic call.

"What?" Harry asked. "What is it?"

"Fawkes!" Digdug answered.

"Where is Fawkes?" Harry said looking up and spinning around.

"Uhh… Harry?" Inara said. She'd stopped in front of the restaurant but was pointing towards the large statue across the street.

The impressive monument featured several American soldiers struggling to raise one of the old American flags. Each soldier was a good thirty feet tall, and the flag pole was probably twice that. Unconcerned about being spotted, Fawkes was happily perched on the top of the flagpole.

"Fawkes!" Harry restrained a yell. "What're you doing?"

Suddenly catching on to the phoenix's intentions, Harry's eyes widened in realization of the highly magical statue. "Whoa… there is a more than healthy amount of magic on that statue."

The group crossed the street to inspect it closer.

"It's an old one from the Earth-That-Was," Jayne commented glancing at the plaque in front of the statue. "You saying wizards made this?"

"Is it a portal?" River asked looking at the large bronze monstrosity. "Or an entrance to an alley?"

Harry shook his head, inching closer and closer to the statue. "No," Harry was focusing his eyes. "It's not the statue. It's as if the statue is coated in a layer of magic. Lots of little hotspots in crevices. It's not a portal or entrance. I'm not sure what it is."

"You think it's important?" Mal asked, thinking the statue was nice enough but not terribly noteworthy.

Harry was shaking his head, trying to examine the magic. "I know this spell. It's very familiar."

"You need a multiple choice?" River asked.

"No," Harry replied, looking at the flashes of magic all over the surface. "I don't think I've ever seen this spell before, but I _know_ I know it."

The others were knocking on the thick bronze, ignoring the small barrier they weren't supposed to cross. They'd begun to attract a small crowd, wondering why people were climbing on the statue when Harry gasped and took a step back. "Oh heavens," Harry felt the blood rushing from his face as he finally recognized the magic. "This spell! This is my spell! That's why I'd never seen it before. _This is my spell!_"

"Your spell?" Inara asked curiously. "You own one?"

"No," Harry said shaking his head, as his face split into a wide grin. "This is the spell I created, _the one that put me to sleep._"

"Hang on," Jayne said. "Are you saying…"

"Yes, right here," Harry assured them all overflowing with excitement. "There are wizards, dozens of them."


	30. CHAPTER TWENTY NINE: Things Get Hairier

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE – Things Get Hairier**

"_Gorram_ Harry," Jayne said looking up at the large sculpture. "You freaks are huge!"

"It's not the people in the statue," Harry explained. "It's coating the surface." Harry reached over and grabbed River's arm just as she was about to brush her fingers on a hotspot. "Don't touch it!"

Mal pulled his hand back. "We're kinda attracting a crowd here, guys."

Harry looked and saw they were a few people who were watching them curiously. "Why don't we get that lunch and make a plan?"

"You don't want to…" Inara stopped and gestured towards the statue.

Harry shook his head. "Not right now. There's a bit too much attention at the moment to do this." Harry looked up. "Fawkes?"

"He's here with me," Digdug whispered standing invisibly next to Harry.

The group managed to get a large booth right in front of the window and left extra room for the invisible Digdug. Once the order was taken, Harry cast a few mild charms, hiding the content of their conversation and diverting attention away from them.

"Alright," Harry began. "Keep your voice down and no one will notice what we're talking about." Harry turned to River, "Sorry I snapped at you, but my version of the spell is easily undone if you know people are there and your intent is to wake them. You carry the magic gene, so I think if you'd intended to, you could've started spilling naked people on to the ground."

"So what's the plan?" Jayne asked. "We stealing a giant statue?"

Harry looked out the window. "I'm not sure it'd be worth the effort."

"Huh?" Jayne asked. "You're just gonna leave 'em?"

Harry shook his head, examining the outside surroundings and people. "Nope. I think we should come back real late tonight. I'll ward us some privacy and we'll wake 'em up in a more controlled environment."

"Is that a good idea?" Inara asked. "Waking them up?"

Harry scratched his chin. "I don't know."

"What don't you know?" River replied.

Harry sighed and sat quietly while their food was placed in front of them. Inara pushed her plate a little closer towards Digdug, considering it was for him and Fawkes. Once the waiter walked away, Harry explained. "I don't know who that is or why they're in a stasis."

"They ain't like you?" Mal asked.

"See that spell I made," Harry said with a frown. "I usually just make my spells simply and inefficiently. Often I take advantage of my excess of power, so that others cannot easily copy my spells. That's how I know that one is a modified version of mine. Anyone formally trained in spell creation would pick it apart and would never have made the spell my way."

"So they used your spell?" Jayne stated. "What's that matter?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure. I boxed up or tossed all the notes I'd been using. But I wrote out the full instructions and diagram on a couple of parchments that I left with my goodbye note and letter addressed the current Head of the Weasley family."

"And Antonio never got those," Zoe stated.

"Nope," Harry agreed. "Which probably means the spell's notes were either given to someone they trust, or maybe someone killed them and took them."

"Couldn't it mean there's a Weasley over there?" Inara inquired.

Harry shook his head. "Unlikely. Because if there's still a Weasley, then I don't think that ring would've gone to Antonio. I'd be stuck on the finger of them if they worked out a way to nest the spell, or more likely they'd remove the ring and I'd be boxed up, waiting for in stasis person to die."

"Could they have modified the spell into a prison?" Mal suggested. "I mean they can't wake themselves up. Could we just be unleashing a bunch of wizard criminals on the verse?"

Harry nodded. "Not a bad idea, but if you got an unwilling target, it'd be tricky. And I doubt it's a prison or criminals. They're here on display, and they chose an artifact of cultural significance ensuring muggles would keep them together and in public. They willingly put themselves there because they planned on being awoken."

"Is that statue important to wizards for any reason?" River asked.

"I don't think so," Harry said with a shake of his head. "I know the event it's immortalizing. Nothing terribly magical, but it is semi-important to muggles. I think that's why they chose it."

"So these guys are probably not criminals who may have killed the Weasleys to get your notes. That about sum it up?" Jayne asked.

"Pretty much," Harry agreed, pushing the rest of his food away. "I mean, we're going to have to wake them, of course. That's a given. I'd say let's start waking one or two and trying to get some answers."

"So what exactly are we debating here?" Mal frowned.

"Are we debating?" Harry questioned. "Does anyone think the risks actually do outweigh the potential rewards of waking them? Because I'm just saying we should be prepared."

"What do we need to prepare?" Jayne asked. "Grenades?"

"Waking from stasis is a very disorienting sensation," Harry explained. "It's not like waking up in the morning. Not to mention nothing can go into stasis with them. Which means unconscious, naked, and then dizzy confusion."

"I like the sound of that," Jayne grinned. "Unconscious, naked, dizzy confusion? That's the best first date you can get." Jayne winked at Zoe. "Or at least second best."

"I figure we can get Mr. U. to censor the video feeds and keep quiet any waves if we get spotted," Harry continued. "We come at night. I'll put up privacy and muggle-repelling charms. Conjure blankets and wake up a couple. Stealing the statue would require just as much work to switch it out, and we'd still need to locate a place to wake them up at."

"Sounds like a plan," Zoe agreed. "Tonight?"

"Captain?" Harry asked.

"Yeah," Mal agreed. "Sounds good."

The waiter came back and Harry asked to speak to the manager. After talking it over and bargaining a bit, Harry managed to secure the restaurant for a birthday party at 2:30 in the morning.

"You need this place?" Mal questioned after Harry explained what he'd arranged.

"I've woken up from stasis," Harry explained remembering back a couple years go. "Things will go smoother if we have a restroom available."

"Smooth, he says," Mal warned. "Not dodgy, _smooth_."

"Smodgy?" Harry suggested.

**

* * *

**

Harry looked back at Inara, waiting inside DiMaggio's. The clean-up crew at the retail shop next door had finished and the three men were standing around outside. Harry was sitting on the bench next to River and Zoe. Kaylee and Digdug were staying back on Serenity. Simon was waiting in the restaurant with Inara, in case they needed a doctor for whoever it was they woke from stasis.

"Are those guys gonna stand there for forever?" Jayne whispered, without turning around.

"I'm projecting a mild charm right now," Harry explained. "They're just really into their conversation. We need a distraction." Harry glanced to River and then Zoe. "Zoe, go flash 'em."

"What?" Zoe said subtly glancing at Harry. "Why me?"

"You look like you could use some positive reinforcement of how desirable and vivacious you are."

"Oh," Zoe said pleased with that answer. "Okay then." She paused. "Wait, no. Jayne?"

"Fine," Jayne agreed. "But I ain't whipped. I'm doing this because this I enjoy it."

Harry restrained himself from showing any emotion and idly watched Jayne walk right up to three cleaners, chatting outside of their store.

"Hey boys," Jayne said, lifting up the front of his shirt and sticking his chest out. "How you doin'?"

Not quite what Harry had in mind, but the goal was accomplished as the three men hurried away, not even being kind enough to respond to Jayne.

"Mr. Universe is censoring the video, right?" Jayne asked, straightening his shirt back down.

"I think I may get a copy of this one before he destroys it, but yeah," Harry answered.

"You're covered," Mr. Universe's voice explained. "And you're clear now too."

"Excellent," Harry grinned. He saw Inara and Simon were doing okay in the rented out restaurant. Jayne and Mal were standing guard. River and Zoe both had blankets and were waiting for naked wizards. Harry pulled out the communicator and called back to Serenity. "Kaylee?"

It took a few seconds before her voice responded. "Hey Harry. How's it going?"

"We're about to open up the surprise. But I wanted to make sure everything's shiny back there?"

"Yeah, we're just playing some cards," Kaylee answered. "I think Digdug may take his cards a little too seriously."

"She's a cheater! She cheats!" Digdug's raspy voice came shouting in.

"We'll catch up with you in a bit," Harry answered and clicked off the communicator. "Okay then. You guys ready for this?"

"Do one," Mal answered, clicking his gun shut after checking it again. "We'll see what he or she says before doing another."

Harry nodded and walked up to the statue. He cast the spell on his eyes so he could literally see the magic and not just sense it. He considered the variety of spells on the surface, protecting the statue, protecting the people, and it looked like a few magically enlarged hollowed out spaces in the statue. He saw one of the spots indicating a use of his spell that seemed more prominent than the others. Decided that would be the best place to start. Harry canceled the mage sight spell and caught everyone's eyes. He looked back at the spot he'd picked out and gently brushed his wand tip over the center.

Plumes of smoke and fog began spitting out from the surface of the statue. Harry's eyes widened as he felt the magic flaring and spreading. All across other areas on the surface of the statue, spots were turning into small geysers of smoke. The effect was cascading back quickly covering the entire surface of the statue.

"Oops," Harry commented, flashing Mal a shaky smile.

"You feel like explaining _oops_?" Mal asked cocking his gun back.

"It appears as though they don't want you to wake up just one," Harry explained with a helpless shrug.

"Can you stop it?"

"Nope," Harry said. "I woke the first, and the process is triggering the wake in all the others. Zoe, you mind going and getting more blankets from inside?"

Zoe nodded and hurried back towards Inara and Simon.

The near spot Harry had triggered was letting up on the smoke finally. As the air cleared, an old naked man was seen laying on the ground trembling in convulsions.

"Is that normal?" Jayne asked, keeping a close eye on the magical appearance.

"Bloody hell!" the old man blurted out, unable to stop his twitching.

"Yeah, that's normal," Harry answered taking a blanket from River. Harry cast an _Ennervate_ on the old man as he walked up to him and handed him the blanket.

The naked man had a pretty long beard and reminded Harry of someone he couldn't quite place. He accepted the blanket and wrapped it around himself. Harry helped him to his feet, while the others started throwing blankets on all the other naked people who kept appearing.

"Who are you?" Harry asked, scrutinizing the old man. "You look familiar."

"I don't have the energy to repeat this, young man," he answered looking towards the other crew staring at him. "Where is your father?"

Jayne chuckled at the dismissal.

"He died a long time ago," Harry answered, shifting his posture a bit. "You're right about the energy, but if you give me a decent answer, I'll feed you all you need. And we'll continue playing nice with all of your friends back here."

The old man spun around and finally saw all the other naked people shivering and convulsing behind them. He turned back towards Harry and answered concisely, "My name is Harry Fullerton."

"_Shah muh_?" Jayne cried. "All these people are old! It's like an orgy of wrinkles out here!"

"Little help?" An old man coughed and reached out towards Jayne.

"Uhh… this one's yours, River."

"Just help them up and hand out the blankets," Zoe snapped clearing people away as they became aware of their surroundings.

Jayne pulled the man up and kept a blanket between them when the old guy's weight came slamming into Jayne. "You got a daughter around here maybe?"

"No," the old man said. "But my granddaughter should be here."

"Even better!" Jayne cheered. "What's her name?"

"Jane," he answered in a rasp before falling down, exhausted and asleep.

"Handsome name," Jayne agreed with the man resting his face on Jayne's boots. "Jane?"

"Jayne!" Zoe snapped.

"Jane?"

"Jayne?" River asked curiously.

"No way, I call dibs!"

Harry was ignoring the others and looking at the old man before him. "Harry Fullerton? Order of Merlin, Headmaster who shut down Hogwarts, Harry Fullerton?"

The old man narrowed his eyes. "A rather succinct summary but yes that's me. I'm curious how you knew to wake us here, if you didn't know who was asleep. Especially considering you apparently know of me."

"You're not Headmaster anymore," Harry said with an arched eyebrow. "You can actually ask questions rather than make statements that encourage responses."

"Well, since you seem reluctant to be forthcoming, I shall. What is the date?"

"Good question," Harry asked with an ashamed grin. "Umm… Mr. U?"

"It's April 5th, 2521," Harry's communicator answered.

"2521! Great Merlin! We've been gone for over 250 years?"

Harry shrugged. "Not sure when you went to sleep, so I'll just trust you on the math and say yes, you have." Harry tilted his head and continued, "Listen, we probably got a lot to talk about but first, I should you warn you, your kidneys are gonna wake up any minute now. There's a bathroom over there at DiMaggio's and if you want some-"

Fullerton just nodded and hurried away. "Thank you."

"-food, you can help yourself." Harry finished to the scurrying old man.

Harry looked around at the others and saw a whole lot of people wrapped in blankets, sleeping comfortably on the street. Jayne was carrying a redhead woman, wrapped in a blanket, but with her head tipped back snoring.

"This one's mine," Jayne said walking towards Harry and Mal.

Harry and Mal just shrugged and thought that sounded fair. Mal commented, "He didn't seem the evil type."

Harry nodded. "No, he's on the level. These will be good people. All the rest of them asleep?"

"Yup. Drooling and snoring and everything. I gotta admit they're a bit older than I was expecting," Mal stated seeing grey was the dominant hair color. "Any idea what you're doing now?"

"Normally," Harry explained. "I'd set them all up in some secluded mansion, while the house elves tend to their needs and they recover for a few days."

"Normally?" Jayne asked, shifting his newest possession and tossing her over his shoulder holding onto the back of her knees. "You've had enough situations like this that you have an established normal response?"

"Not precisely this, but…" Harry shook his head. "Never mind. I've got a couple ideas, but I think we need to talk to Fullerton more first before we decide anything just yet."

"I know what you're thinking," Mal commented. "And if it comes to that, we ain't working right now. So you ride free but we can take cargo if it's profitable."

"Oh yeah?" Harry asked relieved he wouldn't have to guilt the Captain into a few stowaways.

"Yeah," Mal agreed, apparently sure it was a foregone conclusion.

Harry's grin faltered and he asked, "How much is this gonna cost me?"

"How much you got?"

"I got a bit invested in gold," Harry commented wondering how much he really did have. "But we don't even know what they plan to do yet. They might not need a ride."

Mal chuckled. "You just keep on thinkin' that, Harry."

"It's not like they didn't prepare for this," Harry argued. "They knew what they were doing when they went to sleep."

"If you say so," Mal grinned. "I know most large groups of people magically appearing in the wee hours of the morning completely naked and passing out are usually the ones right on top of things. But it's possible their plans may have altered on them in the last 250 years."

"We'll see," Harry replied with more confidence than he felt.

"Harry!" Inara called from the restaurant. "Simon says your guy fell asleep on the toilet. He's offering 100 platinum to whoever pulls the guy's pants up."

Harry sighed, ready to admit defeat. "Thanks, Captain."

Mal shrugged. "Not in the mood to turn down this job. I figure the others'd guilt me into doing it for free. This way we both win."

Harry nodded more than happy with the situation and trudged back into the men's room at DiMaggio's. "How we doin' on time, Mr. U?"

Mr. Universe replied, "We're doing fine right now, but things get a whole lot trickier in about an hour."

"We'll be out by then," Harry assured him. "Don't worry."

Mr. Universe wryly said, "I'm not sure I could even compute the improbability factor on that particular suggestion."

"Oh feel free to panic," Harry snapped back. "Just don't worry."

Harry walked into the men's room and fired an _ennervate_ at the ankle exposed on the floor. Harry banged on the stall door and shouted, "Wake up, Fullerton. We got a discussion to finish."

"What?" A dazed voice asked. "Where am I?"

"A courtesy flush, please," Harry requested.

"Oh," Fullerton realized. "Okay then."

Harry heard the man flush the toilet and saw him reach down to pull up his pants. "Hey… where'd you get the pants?"

"Oh, I summoned them after accidentally flashing that lovely young woman, causing her to cough up a cheese ball. I'm going to get the rest of my belongings momentarily."

"Your stuff is nearby?" Harry questioned as the man came out from his bathroom stall and went to wash his hands.

"Most of our things are in the statue, but there should be a small storage place nearby too."

Fullerton stood up straighter and shook his hands dry before using a charm. "And where are the police? Or local authorities?"

"You wanted them here?" Harry asked curiously. "Why? Muggles don't have a clue magic exists."

Fullerton turned to look at Harry inquisitively. "You've kept it secret from them? Is there a reason for that? My plans were meant to be fluid but I would still like to know why they've changed."

"I don't know anything about your plans," Harry explained. "Muggles don't know magic exists because there haven't been wizards in centuries. I'm not so sure they'd be completely open to the idea of a small group of people who can control their minds with a single word. I've warded off the area for now, but we gotta be cleared out in less than an hour." Harry held the men's room door and waved Fullerton into the restaurant.

"So you're not descended from the Jugson, Smith, or Jackson line?" Fullerton asked as he walked past. "And don't know why you woke us up?"

"Nope," Harry said shaking his head. "I'm not. But I woke you up because I wanted some answers."

"Can I assume this avenue goes both ways?" Fullerton asked. "Because you raise a few questions yourself."

Harry nodded. "Yup, but you get to go first because you need our help."

Fullerton looked at the others in the room. He saw most of them were wearing firearms and watching him carefully. He glanced back at the wizard in charge and thought the kid must be the most supremely confident wizard he'd ever seen. He wasn't sure he'd be able to duel him without a wand or not. But Fullerton definitely didn't fancy finding out.

"Fair enough," Fullerton agreed with a nod. He got up and filled himself a plate of food at the buffet. "You going to help out the others?"

Mal nodded at Harry and Harry agreed. "Bring in 'em here just a couple at a time. Don't need lines or waiting for the bathroom. Get them food and conscious."

Fullerton had a large plate of food and sat down across from Harry. "Where should I start?"

"How about starting with leaving Earth-That-Was and closing down Hogwarts?" Harry suggested.

"Earth-That-Was? Clever," Fullerton said with a smile. "I guess the fears of the atmospheric devastation were accurate?"

Harry nodded and cast _ennervates_ without even looking. Zoe and River were dragging in sleeping naked people, and Simon and Inara were helping everyone to the bathroom and to get food. Mal and Jayne were keeping their hands on their guns and eyes on everyone.

"I was hoping we were all wrong about that," Fullerton admitted sadly. "Anyways, the planet had been degrading, and there was a noticeable quick increase in global temperature. There hadn't been a conclusive study indicating the exact reasoning, but it was generally accepted that the detonations in the thermonuclear wars had eroded too many key areas and triggered a chain of catastrophic events."

"I think they may have done that study and found that to be true."

"Yes," Fullerton reluctantly agreed. "I am a man of science as much as I am a wizard of magic, and the scientist in me could not deny what was happening to the planet. I decided to shut down Hogwarts and encourage everyone to leave the planet. I knew there would be more wizards than muggles that would insist on staying behind, and with the help of the goblins entrusted the safety of the castle to their care."

"So you got a ship full of wizards and left on the _Exodus for Existence_."

Fullerton nodded as he continued to eat.

"What happened on the flight over?"

Fullerton swallowed and explained. "It was only 61 years, but it felt like an entirely different lifetime. To go so suddenly from things like sunrise and sunset, fresh air, blue skies, forests, and lakes into an existence exclusively in a metal box where magic was discouraged… It was jarring to say the least."

"Magic was discouraged?" Harry clarified.

"Everyone's life depended on keeping the metroships flying. They're too many parts, too many electronics, and too many spells to destroy a hull. We still did magic, but for the most part we lived more like muggles than wizards. It wasn't until a few years into the flight that we realized the problem with the children."

"Squibs?"

Fullerton shook his head. "No, they weren't squibs. They were something else. Because squibs carry some genetic traits and the _recessive_ M-gene. These kids had the dominant gene, but no magic. The younger kids that had been born on Earth were much weaker than they should have been. And they never grew stronger. When we left the planet, our magic stopped growing."

Harry crossed his arms and sighed. He waved his hand and _ennervated_ two more people. River sat down next to him with a small plate of cheese balls.

"I was afraid that was what happened," Harry said with a shake of his head. "None of the magical creatures wanted to come with you. Shouldn't that tell you something?"

"Wouldn't they all have died if they stayed?" River questioned popping a cheese ball in her mouth.

"Yeah," Harry grumbled. "I guess that would have been bad."

"It was a risk most of us were aware of," Fullerton explained. "On one side you risk living as a muggle and on the other you risk not living as anything. Several species seemed to agree with me that the Earth was going to kill them, but they all chose to… stay home."

Harry snagged one of River's cheese balls and popped it in his mouth. "So how well did that go over?"

"It wasn't as bad as you'd think," Fullerton continued. "It probably helped that there wasn't one day we suddenly realized what was happening. It was a fear that what was happening may not stop. A few decades and at some point people had accepted it. We were able to keep in communication with the other ships and formulate a course of action.

"Turning around and going back to Earth was not an option. The decision to leave the planet was not made lightly and nothing about the planet changed under the realization that our children were not becoming magical. We were all assuming once we got to a planet our children and magic would grow again."

"I don't mean to interrupt," Mr. Universe's voice spoke up. "But Harry, you got ten minutes on that hour you promised me."

"_Gorramit_," Harry exclaimed grabbing and eating the last cheese ball. "Captain, you're okay with this?"

"We're good, Harry," Mal agreed checking on the people outside. He noticed a crowd had begun to gather around the statue.

"Alright," Harry said turning to Fullerton. "We've got a transport ship. I figure I can get some wizarding tents and put them up in the decent-sized cargo bay. You got somewhere you need to be or you all coming with us?"

Fullerton nodded. "I would appreciate the hospitality while we figure out where to go from here."

"We don't got much extra clothes laying around," Mal explained. "But we can take you shopping later today."

"Not necessary, sir," Fullerton said waving them off. "We've put much of our belongings in storage in parts of the statue we hollowed out. I'd imagine that's what they've been doing after eating, getting their wands and clothes."

Mal nodded and saw several large piles of trunks growing. "Umm… Harry?" Mal asked worriedly. "We going to be able to move all that in time? I don't think we can sneak Serenity in here."

Harry winked. "I reckon magic can find a way. Right, Headmaster?"

Fullerton heard the address of respect and nodded. "I can think of a few possibilities."

The group grabbed up the rest of the food as Harry dealt with the restaurant manager and all the early morning's employees. He gave them a healthy tip and no memory of the evening. He walked back out towards the statue and found a lot of luggage. Far more than the statue could have physically stored.

"Any ideas on how to transport everyone?" Fullerton asked curiously.

Harry snapped his wand into his hand and summoned a half dozen spoons from the restaurant. Harry dragged the tip of the wand down the utensil transfiguring it into a malleable white plastic string. He tapped his wand with a flourish on the middle and it flashed blue. He repeated the process with the other five spoons even quicker. "There you go. Portkeys to the cargo bay. The strings will stretch."

Harry passed the strings towards Mal, Inara, Simon, River, Jayne and Zoe. "Jayne and Zoe, you both hang on to a wizard and get on the first one. Help folks settle."

"They know how to work these?" Zoe said looking at fake noodle.

"When everyone's touching it or someone else," Harry explained. "Have a wizard say the name of home, and it'll take you there."

They all took their portkeys and proceeded to gather everyone together. River waited to be the last one to go. She'd gotten together all the stragglers and left Harry there with Fullerton to take care of the luggage.

Harry turned to Fullerton and made no effort to hide that he was testing him. "And how would you suggest that we transport the luggage?"

Fullerton grinned looking at the massive pile. "I know almost half of those trunks are unshrinkable, but they can still be spelled featherweight. Check ahead on apparating, make sure there's enough room and bring the whole thing with you? Maybe a sticking charm or a meld constricting it all."

"You are a scientist, aren't you," Harry grinned. "You don't have enough faith in magic." Harry drew his original wand and one of his custom-made ones. He twirled his holly and phoenix feather and swished it down, staring at the pile of luggage. Without breaking eyeing contact, his left hand pushed the tip of his other wand into his right elbow, channeling a small orange spell.

Headmaster Harry Fullerton could barely believe his eyes when entire pile of luggage shrunk down to fit in one hand. "I thought those were unshrinkable."

"They were," Harry agreed. "And that's exactly why it worked."

Fullerton just gave Harry an inquisitive look.

Harry had already layered in the featherweight charm and picked up the luggage easily. "There's a unique magical extrapolation on the power of belief in magic that utilizes the power of self-delusion."

"I read a book Mrs. Lovegood-Potter doodled on the subject," Fullerton mentioned. "I honestly couldn't make much sense of it, but there were some humorous drawings."

Harry bit back a chuckle knowing that book quite well, having objected to a few of the drawings. "Yes, well, if you got enough power and can delude yourself, you can get past a few of the assumed rules of magic."

"So how did you delude yourself?" Fullerton questioned, always a scholar of magic. "Because you seemed completely competent and aware."

"Well," Harry explained. "For this one I cast a shrinking charm, but I thought only about it staying the exact same size while everything else in the universe grew. A play on logic to delude myself into shrinking the unshrinkable."

"So are you actually enlarging everything in the universe?"

"Yes, I'm enlarging everything in the universe," Harry said rolling his eyes.

"Really?" Fullerton played along.

"Of course not," Harry said. "But the intent is there. You just gotta push a little over that unshrinkable barrier and then the magic is there too."

"Amazing," Fullerton agreed.

"Delusion doesn't work on too many things, but makes for a nice party trick when it does." Harry swirled his wand in a wide arc over his head, removing the privacy and muggle-repelling charms. He held out his hand towards Fullerton. "I'll take you."

Fullerton grabbed Harry's hand and felt the sensation of side-along apparition. A near silent pop and they appeared high on the catwalk looking over the bustling cargo bay. Harry pulled out his communicator. "Mr. Universe, I think we're all clear."

"Yup," Mr. Universe agreed. "I hid myself and cleaned all the logs. Their systems are running normally. Videos all show an uneventful evening."

"We're far from finished in our discussion," Harry pointed out looking at the large groups of people who were content to look for places comfortable for napping. "They gonna be okay?"

"Can we stay and not interrupt your business for a day or two? Figure out our next step?" Fullerton clarified.

Harry nodded. "Actually _you_ are our business for the moment. Consider the cargo bay a giant safe hotel room. I'm sure the Captain's been explaining most of the ground rules to the others." Harry walked down the stairs and motioned everyone back from a large area in a corner. He sat down the luggage and canceled his shrinking charm, while envisioning everything else in the universe shrinking while the luggage stayed the same size.

Many of the people began to orderly descend upon their trunks, looking for pillows, bedding, and magical tents. A few of them just opened their trunks and climbed right down into them.

"Harry," Jayne questioned having apparently lost his redheaded spoils. "Why's everyone so old?"

Fullerton had retrieved his wand and was wearing a comfortable, bright blue robe. "The youngest of us capable of significant magic is eighty-five."

Harry let out a low whistle. "I count 47 of you. How many of which can do magic? Maybe 25?"

"27 of us had acquired wands before leaving the planet," Fullerton corrected. "A few of the others in their sixties and seventies have demonstrated slight occurrences of magic under duress, but nothing controllable."

"Are there any other places where we might find snoozing wizards?" Harry questioned as one of the older men approached them.

"Not to my knowledge," Fullerton answered and greeted his friend. "Algernon, how are you adapting?"

"Food helped," Algernon agreed. "So… do we have anything joyous to announce?"

"Harry, is it?" Fullerton commented looking at Harry.

Harry nodded.

"Harry, I would like you to meet Algernon Longbottom, Potions Professor and Deputy Headmaster," Fullerton greeted. "Algernon, this young man is responsible for our unexpected awakening."

"Greetings and salutations," Algernon said extending his hand after a glance at his old boss.

Harry shook the man's hand, realizing this was most likely Trevor's son or maybe grandson. Harry still cracked up thinking Neville's first born was named after the toad. "Nice to meet ya."

"As for announcements," Fullerton continued. "I think it is a bit premature to assume anything. We still have much to discuss. Can you keep an eye on things around here?"

Algernon looked at all the groups of people. "I think the mild disorientation will take care of that."

"Would you like him to join us?" Harry offered.

Fullerton nodded and Algernon warned, "I wouldn't want to impose-"

"Come on, Algie," Harry grinned, slinging his arm over the old man's shoulder. "We got lots to catch up on."

Algernon looked at the arm around him and back at Harry's cheeky smile. "You got something to drink?"

Harry nodded. "Five centuries puts quite a kick into the firewhiskey."

"Oh dear," Fullerton commented and followed Harry as he dragged his friend away.

Harry set them all up with both water and the magical beverage in the dining area. "Alright then. So you'd stopped gaining magic on the ride over and were hoping things would right themselves when you got to a planet. What happened next?"

Fullerton and Algernon both took a drink of their firewhiskey. Fullerton began, "When the first planet was ready we all were overjoyed at the sensations of open air, oceans, the heat of sun and the cool of night. It was like waking up from a long dream void of color. Everyone's senses had numbed and it took many people months or years to adapt and adjust. It was intoxicating at how rejuvenated we all felt. We believed our magic was growing again and began to work out plans for Diagonium Alley."

"Merlin, I hate that name," Algernon added. "But it did really feel like things were working out. Our numbers had drastically reduced though and the muggle governments weren't being particularly helpful."

"It was our own fault," Fullerton argued. "We've always completely separated ourselves and refused to help them with their problems. They wished us luck but had too many of their own complications and issues with terraforming the planets. Our worst case scenario was for those of us to merely become more similar to the billions of others, an outcome that would simplify things for everyone."

"Yeah, no one will miss magic when it's gone, right?" Algernon grumbled.

"We're skipping ahead," Fullerton realized. "As I stated, we thought things were going well, but we were holding off, waiting for signs of magic in the children. Powers to grow, nurture, and prosper. We weren't going to build the new school until we knew there would be children to tutor."

"Never happened?" Harry asked sipping on his firewhiskey.

Fullerton shook his head sadly. "It was as I feared. Whatever it was that made us magical was either not strong enough or non-existent on the new planet. Again we went through the years, just hoping for signs of accidental magic, children carrying the same gene as I unable to even make a wand respond."

Algernon jumped in. "After about six years, there were a few unhinged groups who weren't taking the death of magic very well. The location of what was meant to be the Alley which only had a couple of shops that wouldn't even make a muggle blink, was the sight of a few ritual suicides."

"The damage people were causing was disastrous," Fullerton explained. "That was when it was agreed that we needed to hide from the muggles. If they understood what the wizards were doing, they would've tracked down all the rest of us preemptively. They were too many families and good people at risk because of a few bad apples."

"So what'd you do to the muggles?" Harry asked curiously as Mal and River walked in and joined them.

"We erased all knowledge of the magical world from their records and minds," Fullerton explained. "Unless there were going to be more wizards, there was no need for the open communication. We were a society that was circling the drain, and we didn't deserve to be hunted down."

"And you wrote off all the occurrences as terrorist attacks?" Harry clarified.

"Without the knowledge that magic is real, they believed what made sense to them." Fullerton sighed. "Most of it was written off as a psychological inability to cope with life outside of a spaceship. They arrived at this conclusion because most of the attackers were visibly quite old and given the things witnesses claimed, even the witnesses were considered delusional and suffering from space dementia."

"Lots of people were dying," Algernon continued. "Good people, who just happened to be near a wizard when he snapped. Some of us think that it was magic herself that didn't want to die."

"A group of several hundred even managed to steal one of the ships," Fullerton added. "They said they had to try and get back to Earth. I do not think they honestly expected to make it, they just wanted to die trying rather than here."

"Especially those who'd lost their families to others," Algernon added. "It was like a chain reaction, where when one witch or wizard lost their family to the actions of another wizard, they didn't blame the person. They blamed the situation and many would respond by doing the exact same thing, uncaring that others would suffer for their misdeeds. They felt like if magic was dying they should go out with a bang."

Fullerton shook his head. "Magic did not want to die quietly. What happened after this we do not know and were hoping you could tell us?"

Harry winced. "Pretty sure it all continued on that same path, dying out. There were lots of attacks, space dementia, and what have you. They even moved Londinium to a safer planet and left this place as a government subsidized slum."

"This isn't Londinium?" Fullerton sat back in surprise.

"Nope, this is Jersey," Mal answered, passing on the firewhiskey and sipping his own whiskey. "You wizards blew up this place enough that they had to move elsewhere."

"What I want to know," Harry interjected, "is why and how you managed to put yourself in a stasis on a muggle statue."

"Oh rather ingenious idea, isn't it?" Fullerton grinned. "Unfortunately, I cannot claim responsibility. I'm assuming you've heard of Harry Potter?"

Harry nodded. "Name sounds familiar. What of him?"

"The idea came from one of his actually," Fullerton explained. "When I first announced the closure of Hogwarts and that we would need to abandon the planet, a close friend of mine revealed a family secret. A fine wizard by the name of Will Weasley informed me he controlled where Harry Potter disappeared to. Now apparently, Mr. Potter had put himself into a magical sleep and asked the Weasleys to wake him if there was a Dark Lord that needed defeating or major world crisis he could run in and play the hero for."

"Pretty bloody arrogant, if you ask me," Algernon commented while sipping the firewhiskey.

"Be fair," Fullerton scolded. "He never got over the death of his wife. And what he was doing was no different than those who stole the _Nautilus_. He just wanted to die trying."

Harry sent a mental smack across River's shields telling her to stop smiling. The Captain was just smiling brighter as he listened to the wizards talk.

Harry flashed a look at the Captain and over Fullerton's shoulder at the portraits of his wife and Dilys Derwent. "You sound like you knew him pretty well."

"Potter?" Fullerton asked with a shake of his head. "I saw him briefly, but we weren't ever introduced. Since he never died, not even his Headmaster portrait activated. No, I'm just going off what Will informed me of. He explained what Potter had done and asked whether I thought there was anything he could do to save the planet."

"Couldn't have hurt it worse," Algernon suggested. "I still say it may have been worth a try."

Fullerton shook his head. "The man did more good for the wizarding world than we will ever know. I knew there was nothing he could do. And I wasn't going to have him tortured by waking up for the purpose of watching our home die. It would have been cruel."

"Really?" Harry said a bit peeved. "And why did you get to make that decision?"

"I didn't," Fullerton explained. "I just told Will what I thought. The decision Potter entrusted to the Weasleys not me. But one thing Will did do was to leave me a copy of Potter's note as well as the diagram for the spell he'd used. That copy sat idly in my personal library for over seventy years. I'd never even given it a second thought until 2165."

"What happened in 2165?" Harry asked, not remembering any significance to that year.

Fullerton solemnly answered, "A witch was unable to cope with the loss of magic. She didn't want to hurt others, but couldn't stand the sight of her family without magic. She played host to a seemingly pleasant family reunion, but had actually spiked every beverage she served. Thirty-two people died peacefully in their sleep and the Weasley family was no more."

"Will," Algernon interrupted. "Our friend Will had taken a different metroship than we did, and he passed away on the flight over. Potter was supposedly a family ring for the Weasleys but we never located it. He probably died when the family did. Or maybe one of the lesser connections and offshoots has him somewhere."

"It was a terrible tragedy," Fullerton explained. "But it reminded me of what Harry Potter had done. And with the notes I had, I realized we could replicate. Several of us could be put into a stasis outside of time, waiting for magic to be reborn."

"Ooo," River commented idly before going back to staring at her water.

"Admittedly, it wasn't an appealing plan," Fullerton stated. "But it was the best we could come up with."

"What exactly was that plan?" Mal inquired, seeing Harry was still thinking things over.

"We figured that by putting us outside of time needing a magical trigger to release us," Algernon explained. "Then the only way we'd ever see daylight again was if magic was flourishing."

"That's not true," Fullerton frowned.

"It's how you convinced me," Algernon nodded.

"Yes well, I suppose that is one way to look at it," Fullerton commented. "But the general premise was more that the knowledge of how to work magic and teach it became precious. Books can survive eons, but we'd still need someone to teach the new wizards about magic and wands."

"So why were you wondering about my lineage?" Harry asked. "What was the wake-up plan?"

"When we went put ourselves in stasis, it was after almost a year of planning. We'd always intended it as a fallback, but it got to the point where there weren't any other options," Fullerton explained. "Realistically, I was hoping for about a hundred people, but many of those I asked felt they had a few good years left and wanted to enjoy them."

"We wanted somewhere out in the open that the muggles wouldn't destroy, considering the plan had a strong possibility of coming down with a case of the bollocks," Algernon offered while swirling his nearly empty firewhiskey.

"Yes," Fullerton said taking the glass of firewhiskey from his friend and putting the glass of water in his hand. "We did choose a war memorial in the capital, and spell a few extra protections in. But that was also because we told a lot of people about this plan. The Jacksons, Smiths, and Jugsons all swore magical oaths that they were to pass the knowledge of the plan down to all their family members."

"The idea being," Algernon jumped in. "That whenever magical people showed back up, babies started doing accidental magic and all that, _then_ they would come and wake us. A time when those of us with magic had something good to do with it. Either we figured out a way back to Earth or we figured out whatever it was that made Earth special."

"Question," River cutely interrupted. "You said magical oaths?"

"Yes," Fullerton answered with a smile.

"On those three families that are more than likely _not_ magical anymore?" River pointed out.

"Oh," Fullerton said glancing over at Algernon.

Harry just chuckled.

"Well the oaths were just extraneous anyway," Fullerton continued with a grin. "I suppose we should probably try to locate those families and at least see what they've discovered so far."

"We should let them know we're awake too," Algernon pointed out, after having snuck back his firewhiskey.

"I suspect they may divine as much when we talk to them," Fullerton said patting Algernon on the shoulder. "Now, Harry, I think we've been plenty honest and patient with you. I believe it is your turn to tell us about how you came to be."

"Yeah," Algernon agreed. "I get the feeling you're not exactly one of millions of wizards just yet. So if you didn't know why we were there, then how did you find us and wake us? Because I don't think any of these other people are magical."

River stuck out her chin proudly. "I'm sort of magical."

"Really?" Fullerton asked. "How is that?"

"Same problem as the other kids," Harry replied. "But she's also got a wild talent in Legilimency and a slight gift for Seeing."

"You don't signify a new wave of magical births, do you?" Fullerton said examining Harry closely.

"Afraid not," Harry admitted.

"So how are you here?" Algernon asked. "And who are you?"

Harry was looking at Fullerton. "I figured you'd be able to guess."

Fullerton began stroking his beard, feeling as if he was being challenged again. "You're an anomaly that's for sure. You know too much and seem too sure of yourself to have simply grown up on your own. Your skill with magic is obvious. From everything I've seen, I think it's safe to say you're a time traveler."

"Really?" Algernon said looking over at Fullerton.

"And given my experience with time travel, you cannot go into the future," Fullerton happily deduced. "So you're a gifted wizard from a time where the magical world is once again running smoothly. And you've come back to the past to ensure your present stays the same."

"No kidding, Harry?" Mal said looking over at his pilot with a hidden grin. "You're from the future?"

"Wow," Harry said shaking his head in disappointment. "You're not even close."

"I thought that sounded pretty unlikely," Algernon chimed in.

"You got a guess?" Harry asked looking at the likely descendent of his old schoolmate Neville.

"Alright, alright," Algernon gestured indicating he was going to think about his guess. "You… Earth's toast?"

"Surface is over seven hundred degrees," Mal answered. "Oceans boiled away centuries ago."

"I'll take that as a yes," Algernon commented and went back to his thinking. "You…you… I got nothing."

Harry's eyes were twinkling and decided to spare them. "Well, how about this. The reason I recognized the spell on the statue is because it was a variation of a spell I created."

"Ahh," Fullerton commented thinking how lucky it was that this young man just happened to have a created a similar spell. "Oh." Fullerton said as realization washed over him. "Harry… as in _Harry_. Oh goodness. It's an honor to meet you."

"Harry Azinharry?" Algernon asked turning towards Fullerton. "Who's he?"

"Pretty bloody arrogant guy, I reckon," Mal answered.

"If you're curious there's a portrait of the wife he never got over behind you," River added happily.

Algernon spun around saw the teenage Luna sitting on the couch waving from her frame. "Ohhh," he slowly said noticing Fullerton's ashamed little smile. "Well, he's pretty bloody arrogant for a bloody good reason."

Harry was just smiling vindictively, enjoying the affect his fame occasionally had.

Fullerton suddenly gasped and looked at Harry in shock. "Of course! It's the prophecy coming true."

Harry's eyes widened and yelped, "You shut your _gorram_ mouth!"

Fullerton raised his hands to protect himself. "Kidding! Only kidding! It was something Will Weasley suggested to me when we discussed your situation."

Harry sat back in frustration that he had been had so easily. He ignored River and Mal's snickers but appreciated the fact that Algernon was too scared to laugh. "That wasn't funny."

"No Honey," Luna interrupted cheerfully. "It was."

"Harry Potter," Fullerton said, unable to keep the slight awe from his voice. "So what brings you to the twenty-sixth century?"

Harry knocked back the rest of his firewhiskey. "Well, it's a bit of a long story…"

**

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_**Author's Note:** Thanks to MonkeyAxman1302 for the suggestion on the magical alley name. Hadn't really considered it before his review. Things are trucking right along. Thanks a ton for the reviews. I read them all and try to respond to any questions. Next chapter, next weekend. Let me know if you liked this chapter.  
_


	31. CHAPTER THIRTY: Serenity Sky and the

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**CHAPTER THIRTY – Serenity Sky and the Evil Babies**

"That's my pensieve!"

"Err… no, this used to belong to Albus Dumbledore."

"I mean that's where I left the instructions for waking us," Fullerton explained. "There's a subway station with lockers not far from the statue. I gave the locker key to my friend, Sam Jackson. His nephew and family were one of the ones looking out for us, along with the Smiths and Jugsons."

"Jugson, as in Atticus Jugson?"

"Mr. Potter," Fullerton scolded, looking disappointed at Harry. "If you look hard enough, you will find the taint of evil in every family."

"Yeah and if you keep looking hard enough a sailboat will appear," Harry bit back. "I'm just saying the only Jugson I ever met was the Death Eating kind. I know nothing of his relatives or descendents just that the Jugson I knew wasn't the type you'd trust with an important secret or mission."

"The Jugsons I knew were all trustworthy people," Fullerton assured Harry. "But even if they weren't, this is a matter all magical society would agree on: the survival of wizardkind."

Harry just nodded, giving the benefit of the doubt, but slightly disconcerted that he couldn't avoid a link to the Death Eaters again.

Fullerton continued, "As I was saying, I put a memory in this pensieve and locked it up. When the time came, they were to go to the locker and see thorough instructions and plans for waking us up. The fact that you weren't aware of my identity informed me that you hadn't seen the memory. So what are you doing with _this_ pensieve?"

Harry shrugged. "I got it from a friend way out near the rim. He picked it up at an estate auction from some random John Dough. The late John Dough was from somewhere here in Jersey. But how did _you_ get this one? I returned it to Aberforth after the French gave me an old one."

"Aberforth's grandson Elijah," Fullerton explained. "He donated it to Hogwarts upon his death. It is to be passed down from Headmaster to Headmaster. Of course, since I was the first since Eli passed, I haven't exactly vacated the position and left it for my successor."

"Good point," Harry added. "Go ahead and keep it. I should probably get mine out of storage anyways. Dead useful things for explaining the wizarding world to a bunch of muggles."

"Let me get this straight," Fullerton tried to get the conversation back on track. "You just woke up a couple years ago because the government wanted you to hunt down her."

"Hi," River waved with a smile.

"You had no wands, no possessions, and no clothes. Since then you've been trying to figure out what happened, as well as locate any magical artifacts. This is all correct, so far?"

Harry nodded. "Well, for the longest time I was trying to locate the wizarding world too. I figured you all went into hiding somewhere. I know magically hiding an entire planet under Fidelius is beyond ludicrous but I had to hope for something."

"So how do you have your pensieve in storage? You left it back on Earth," Fullerton argued.

"Oh," Harry grinned. "I wasn't done yet. New spaceship engine technology was developed recently. A trip to Earth-That-Was only takes three weeks each way."

"We can go home?" Fullerton asked hopefully.

"What is it about the oceans boiling away that people don't understand?" River commented. "Human life cannot survive on the surface."

"Perhaps we can change the conditions," Algernon interjected. "Bring some ice cubes with us, to cool things down a bit."

"From what I understand," Harry said with a shrug. "The process would take centuries and basically more resources than a dozen planets' worth. Not to mention the amount of work and people. The muggles won't go for trying to fix the Earth-That-Was. Too far from everything here."

"But with the technology for travel," Fullerton weakly continued. "It's only three weeks away, that's reasonable."

Harry cleared his throat and looked down. "Umm… when I said it was developed recently, I meant to imply _very_ recently."

"Has it been tested?" Fullerton inquired.

River smiled and nodded. "Yup, though not everything went according to plan."

"We sorta borrowed their first major field test to check out Earth-That-Was," Harry explained. "We meant to return the ship, and I certainly was going to, but well… do you remember the wild Ford Anglia that lived in the Forbidden Forest?"

"Yeah," Algernon answered. "Bloody flying contraption used to chase the thestrals at night."

Fullerton recalled what his predecessor Headmistress Rebecca Gordon had told him. "A popular theory is that its unique gift of a consciousness was perhaps your accidental magic when you feared for your own life."

"Me?" Harry snapped. "That wasn't me that brought that thing to life, it was Hogwarts."

River smirked. "Oh really? Then how do you explain Frank?"

"I… that's…" Harry sighed. "Aww crud."

"Am I to assume lightning has struck a third or fourth time?" Fullerton asked with a chuckle.

River nodded. "The field test ship is alive. He's a friend of ours named Frank."

"So you didn't return the ship?" Fullerton's eyes lit up. "We could make another trip?"

"Slow down, Headmaster," Harry interrupted. "First off, Frank's his own ship. We don't get to order him around anywhere. And secondly, we don't need Frank. That's a door to Earth right there."

"What?" Fullerton gasped spinning around. "How?"

"Just a pair of vanishing cabinets," Harry explained. "Luna's portrait is there, so anyone inside can knock and she'll swing open, letting them out. Albus Dumbledore's portrait is on the matching cabinet in the goblin village."

"Stop," Algernon interrupted Harry unable to absorb too many unlikely concepts at one. He took another drink of his re-appropriated firewhiskey. "Okay. I'm good. Try and surprise me now."

"I wasn't trying to surprise you," Harry defended.

"Well no matter, because I'm ready for anything you have to say," Algernon said with a grin.

"Surprise him, River," Harry suggested, seeing if she was up to the challenge.

River jumped right in with the first thing that came to mind. "Did you ever get so drunk that you forgot to feed your pet for three days? And you only remembered because you just crapped out a paw? On a side note, baby panda? _Not_ the new veal."

Algernon just looked at River who was smiling again. He swallowed and admitted. "She wins. Harry?" he finished turning to the wizard.

Harry snickered and stood up. "You know what? Why don't I show you guys Earth-That-Was while we keep talking?"

"Pensieve?" Fullerton questioned.

Harry shook his head. "No I thought I'd take you there, so you can see Hogwarts."

"Our protections are holding?" Fullerton asked hopefully.

Harry showed no emotion but a slight shake of his head. "We should go there so you'll understand."

"You going to the surface?" Mal inquired.

Harry nodded and turned to the invisible goblin behind Fullerton. "Digdug, you go on ahead and warn Ripruck we're coming."

Algernon yelped at the sudden appearance of the goblin. Algernon turned to Fullerton, "I didn't think any of the goblins survived the sixty-one year flight."

Fullerton pursed his lips. "I suspect the answers may lie in the goblin village Mr. Potter mentioned."

Harry nodded. "For at least this trip, let's hitch a ride to the surface. Fawkes?" In a burst of flame, the phoenix in question appeared and settled himself happily on Harry's shoulder. Harry could tell Fawkes was willing to happily take them to the surface. He felt Fawkes chiding him for his pride in shocking the two other wizards with the phoenix's presence. "You want to come too, Digdug?"

Digdug nodded immediately.

"Alright," Harry said. "You go on ahead. I'll go drop in on Frank and grab us some suits."

"You want company?" Mal asked as Harry seemed to be jumping into action.

Harry was surprised. "You _want_ to come?"

"Not really," Mal said shaking his head. "Just thought I'd offer."

Harry shrugged. "I figured I'd take the sleepy twins and we'd keep talking. I'll tell ya anything later, Captain. River, you want to come?"

River thought about it and nodded.

"You want to go grab us five of Frank's suits?"

River turned right around and walked into the cabinet with Dilys Derwent on the door.

"I assume the bubblehead charm would be insufficient?" Fullerton asked with a grin.

Harry chuckled. "Yeah, you might want a bit more than that. Because even if the temperatures didn't ignite any spontaneous combustion, the atmospheric pressure is about a hundred times what you're used to. I'm not saying it's impossible, just nothing I have the confidence to test."

"She didn't make it, did she?" Fullerton said sadly thinking of the castle he called home. "Did we lose everything?"

Harry shook his head. "You did notice the other painting behind you, didn't you?"

"Oh yes," Fullerton said in quiet surprise. "Dilys, how are you?"

"Can't complain," the former Healer and Headmistress said with a smile.

"Most of Hogwarts' smaller possessions," Harry explained, "are okay: the portraits, the artifacts, the Sorting Hat, and perhaps most importantly, the library."

Fullerton nodded slowly. "That is good to hear."

Dilys mumbled the password to swing the cabinet door open before announcing loudly, "Show time, boys."

Harry summoned the two suits out from the closet and shut the cabinet door. He waited a few seconds and opened the door again, taking out the next two suits. When he opened the door for the third time, River did her best to skip out of the cabinet while wearing the massive bulky spacesuit.

She managed to pull off a dainty sounding _clank-clank-clank_.

"You know if you want that resized, you're gonna have to get out of it?" Harry suggested.

River didn't seem to care, as she turned and walked right into Luna's cabinet. Harry shrunk the other four suits and put them in his pocket. He snapped off a friendly salute to the Captain. "Headmaster? Deputy Headmaster? Shall we?"

First Fullerton, then Algernon, and last Harry and Fawkes went through the cabinet, appearing in the side room of the main office inside Harry's vault. The smooth stone walls and portrait of some old Potter sleeping gave it the feel of a perfectly normal small conference room. The portrait of Albus was pretending to sleep but Harry caught his eye peeking open.

"Where are we?" Algernon asked curiously.

"Greetings," Ripruck said closing the door behind him as he walked. "How are you, Harry?"

Harry smiled. "Doing a little better. Ripruck, I'd like you to meet Headmaster Harry Fullerton and Deputy Headmaster Algernon Longbottom."

"Hello gentlemen," Ripruck said emotionlessly. "Digdug was going to show Miss Tam something but they should be back momentarily."

"Did they tell you I was hoping to pick up my pensieve?" Harry asked.

Ripruck nodded. "It is being located as we speak. I'll make sure it's here waiting for you when you return."

"You mind if I show them…" Harry motioned towards the door that led towards the burgeoning goblin city that had overtaken the Potter family vault.

"You can do as you wish," Ripruck answered before responding to the underlying question. "But I see no reason not to."

Harry waved the two old men towards the door and led them through the larger empty meeting place for the goblin council. He smiled at them and swung the door open revealing the impressive structures, buildings, homes, and interconnected metal railings and walkways. All around goblins could be seen waddling about doing their daily business.

"Bugger me sideways and call me Sally," Algernon whispered out. "Are we on some sacred goblin ground here or something?"

"Not quite," Harry chuckled. "We're actually in the Potter family vault. To the best of my knowledge this is the only place left on the Earth-That-Was capable of sustaining significant life."

Fullerton's eyes darkened at the thought but considered the ramifications of this. He smiled and commented, "I love what they've done with the place."

"Yeah," Harry sighed. "I wish we hadn't taken down the amusement park."

"Hey," River greeted in a muffled yell from inside her helmet.

"Ready?" Harry asked River and Digdug as they walked into the conference room.

Harry helped Algernon and Fullerton figure out how to get their suits on and shrunk one to fit Digdug. Harry double-checked that everyone's audio was functioning and hoped that the wizards weren't too muggle-impaired. Ripruck just nodded at them, while Harry glanced up at Fawkes. He could tell the phoenix knew where to take them. "Everyone link hands."

The five of them all held on while Fawkes jumped from Harry's shoulder. As soon as Harry grabbed hold of Fawkes' tail feathers, the group jerked forward in a burst of flame. Rather than take them on a wild ride, Fawkes reappeared only a few feet off the ground and they all quickly landed and let go.

Blackened, dirty brown carnage led off towards an orange horizon.

"This is Earth?" Algernon gasped at the unfamiliar terrain.

Fullerton was looking in the opposite direction of Algernon and just quietly said, "Oh my."

Algernon turned and he too caught sight of the ruins of Hogwarts Castle.

Fawkes jumped into the air and warbled out a melancholy phoenix song.

Both Fullerton and Algernon just quietly stared up at what remained of their old home away from home, ignoring the tears they made no attempt to withhold.

"You have to not only see this for yourself," Harry explained. "But feel it. And know even if we rebuilt this castle here, Hogwarts is dead." Harry sighed. "It'd just be a new castle."

Fullerton couldn't take his eyes away. "Was there more I could have done?" He asked honestly, seeking vindication. "Did I do something wrong?"

"We shouldn't have left her," Algernon added, looking away and realizing there was supposed to be a forest and animals.

"You did everything you could," Harry assured him. "There was nothing anyone could have done to save her."

"But your vault…" Fullerton argued.

"No," Harry insisted. "Half the reason my vault has survived is that it's miles under the surface. It's bad down there, but on the surface… it's impossible. The elements are too harsh."

"How did they save everything?" Fullerton asked, still in a bit of a daze.

"It was the phoenixes," Harry explained. "The fires were too strong. Everyone burned up but the last bastion of goblins protecting the castle. The phoenixes took the goblins and trunks containing the portraits and library. And that was it. Digdug here is the only goblin who's ever seen daylight. I think Ripruck might have seen the empty black one time on Serenity, but the rest of them have lived completely sheltered lives."

"The phoenixes survived?" Fullerton questioned. "Well, obviously. But what else did?"

Harry nodded as Digdug turned to go and do a little exploring. Harry shrugged in his oversized space suit. "From what I understand… nothing."

"No ghosts?" Fullerton inquired. "No heliopaths or creatures that adapted to the changing conditions?"

"Pretty sure the ghost council all got together and moved on," Harry commented. "Heliopaths live off fire and I don't think there's enough left to burn, probably starved to death. Pretty much all the creatures I know need to _eat_ something else, and there is _nothing else_. The only other survivor I know of is… annoying."

"What's that?" Fullerton asked with a smile.

River tried to flick Harry's ear, but found it difficult with the suits and helmets on. "He means Peeves."

"Peeves?" Fullerton said with a chuckle.

"Oh hell," Algernon snapped. "Not even the bloody apocalypse can get rid of that wretched thing."

Harry detected the Deputy Headmaster was even less of a fan than Harry. "He's uh… set up shop with Frank."

"Frank… the ship?" Fullerton clarified trying to remember this oddly altered world he'd woken up in.

"Yeah," River explained. "Frank got his body from the Alliance, his brain from Mr. Universe, and his life from… probably Harry."

"It's not me," Harry explained. "It's magic, it's this area. But yeah that summarized it pretty well."

"Is Frank a person?" Fullerton asked thinking maybe he hadn't understood.

"Does Mr. Universe not need his brain?" Algernon added.

"Frank's a ship," Harry clarified. "His body, the ship, came from the field test. Mr. Universe is an artificial intelligence. It was a clone of him that… got zapped, I guess. Mr. U's also the voice I'm usually talking to in my communicator and all over networks 'versewide. He's the reason there isn't any video of naked people appearing from a statue among a great many other talents."

Algernon turned to Fullerton. "Is the future just really messed up?"

"No," River answered. "It's Harry. The future doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Thank you, River," Harry said with a roll of his eyes. "So back to our earlier discussion, what were the Jugsons, Jacksons and Smiths all supposedly doing?"

"They should be looking for a planet," Fullerton explained.

"A planet?" Harry asked thinking they weren't too hard to come by.

"Yes, you see when we first had lost hope and there were no new magically capable people being born in Londinium, or Jersey, I suppose," Fullerton corrected himself. "We began to consider trying to make a magical chamber but that idea was simply not feasible within the very limited time we would need to test. We were trying to come up with a reasonable solution when a friend of mine relayed a comment from a very annoyed snake. My friend was a beastspeaking shaman, and he informed us that the snake was irritated because wizards were quite stupid."

"Snakes say that a lot," Harry agreed.

"Apparently," Fullerton concurred. "It pointed out how foolish and arrogant our assumptions were. The snake said, 'There are magical snakes and non-magical ones. There are magical castles and non-magical ones. There are magical people and non-magical ones. So why when you leave a magical planet, would you assume that there aren't non-magical ones?'"

"Oops," Algernon helpfully summarized.

"This changed the direction of our discussion quite a bit," Fullerton said. "Because then we were trying to work out a way to get back to Earth. This seemed to annoy the snake too, who once again quite colorfully called us foolish and arrogant. First we assume all planets are magical, only to find out that it is not true. Next we assume that because this planet is non-magical that the only magical planet around is the perfectly good one we just left. Only the snake didn't say it quite that kindly."

"Yup," Harry said. "That's snake logic for you. Makes sense and makes you feel stupid at the same time."

"And that," Fullerton explained, "is when our focus changed towards locating the _nearest_ magical planet."

"How's that coming?" Digdug asked walking back towards the group.

"Finding the nearest magical planet?" Fullerton repeated. "Not too sure. That's why I want to know what the Jugsons, Jacksons, and Smiths have discovered."

"Before we went to sleep," Algernon jumped in. "We checked the four planets that had progressed in terraforming. We also rented a shuttle and looked around the next five planets they were planning to terraform next. None of them responded magically to anything."

"That was when we knew if we waited for the next bunch of planets to get terraformed and colonized then no wizard would live long enough to be able to help and teach magical children," Fullerton explained. "So they were supposed to keep looking for a magical planet or figure out a way to replicate whatever it is that makes Earth magical."

"How do you test for a magical planet?" River asked curiously. "Digdug says he can just feel it, but that's a goblin thing."

"That's probably more precise than our attempts," Fullerton explained. "Mainly we just would look for signs, new creatures, unexplainable phenomena, and specifically children doing accidental magic. Even though none of the Jugsons, Jacksons, and Smiths would have any magic, they could investigate curious claims and such. Perhaps move to planets they suspected. At least, that was the intent. How many planets have been colonized now?"

"About 232," Harry answered. "And no, I've not been to them all, but I've been looking for 'curious claims' all over."

"232 planets," Fullerton repeated. "I don't think it's too much to hope for one of those being magical. But even if none of them are, there's still your vault."

"My vault?" Harry clarified. "You expect to convince some muggle families carrying the right gene to be willing to live out the next twenty years in a big stone box?"

"You could kidnap them," Digdug suggested. "Or at least the newborns."

Harry and Algernon seemed to be considering the idea, but Fullerton wouldn't give in to temptation. "We're not kidnapping babies," he insisted. He justified his argument with the brilliant reasoning, "That would be wrong."

"What about evil babies that need to be imprisoned anyway?" River offered.

"Evil babies," Digdug agreed with a gesture. "Excellent idea."

"That would probably make evil _wizards_," Algernon pointed out. "Come to think of it though, if they're evil wizards, then we'd be right keeping them here imprisoned. Perhaps two to a cell, one man and one woman… with good birthing hips."

"We're not kidnapping evil babies," Fullerton reiterated, complete unsure how they got onto this topic.

"Because I don't think fifty or so of us are a diverse enough gene pool to be swimming in here," Algernon added. "Assuming most can still… uh…"

"You really don't need to finish that statement," Harry suggested, feeling as if he dodged a bullet.

"One thing we do have now though is the ability to reach Earth. So perhaps the idea of an Earth-like environment can be replicated," Fullerton summarized. "We're not at the point where we need to start talking about kidnapping evil babies or… your swimmers."

"Thank you," Harry sarcastically interrupted the unwanted mental image.

"We've got options," Fullerton explained. "First thing, I think is to contact the families and see what they've found. Do you think Mr. Universe could trace a genealogy if we know a name from 2266?"

Harry nodded. "If it's possible, he'll know how."

Fullerton nodded back. He sighed and added, "Push comes to shove, we can go right back to sleep and wait for someone to wake us again."

Harry nodded. "You do realize, if you go back to sleep, I'd probably create elaborate futuristic alien scenes and wake you up every couple of days, claiming it's been thousands of years."

"That's true," River agreed. "He _would_ do that. And I _would_ help."

"You know, even if we don't protect young parents from their own evil babies," Algernon theorized. "We could still set up hidden portals or sponsor new wings in orphanages. Try and maintain a small steady stream of magical people."

"Hidden portals?" Digdug inquired.

"Like the vanishing cabinets," Algernon explained. "We pretend we've built a new gymnasium and sleeping area in some year-round school. Maybe even transfigure the cabinet into an elevator. People walk in, close the door, open the door and see a room that looks like their dorm area. And just like that we're test-incubating youngsters. Maybe we'll see some magic develop."

"That's actually a pretty good idea," Harry admitted. "You think we could safely expand the vault, Digdug?"

"I'm not sure we can go horizontally much more," Digdug commented. "We've got a little bit of room to go up, but we may be able to expand down as much as we want."

"It is something to consider," Fullerton explained. "But let's not get ahead of ourselves. First we should see if perhaps our secret order of non-magical wizards have relocated to a magical planet."

"Secret order…?" Harry questioned.

"The man likes his dramatics," Algernon shook his head ruefully at Fullerton.

Fullerton was fighting a smile. "You take your responsibilities more seriously when you're part of a secret order."

Harry shook his head. "You guys ready to go back?"

"Yeah," Algernon said not wanting to look at Hogwarts ruins any longer. "I'm ready for another drink and some sleep."

Fullerton nodded resolutely, feeling a sense of closure in addition to his sadness. "Yes. I'm ready."

Harry looked up wondering when Fawkes' phoenix song had ended. "Anyone seen a phoenix?"

"Our ride ditched us," River commented. "Surprise."

"He'll be back," Harry commented. "I think." Harry and the others stood around waiting for a minute or two.

"Your vault protected from portkeys?" Fullerton asked, wondering how long they should wait.

"I think so," Harry said looking to the goblin in a space suit. "You know, Digdug?"

"All of the vault's main protection were independent of those Gringotts had installed," Digdug explained. "I doubt the wizarding wards have been tested in centuries, but whatever was there before is probably as strong as it's ever been."

"Lovely," Harry said. He yelled loudly, "FAWKES!"

"Oww," Algernon said as the speakers in his helmet reverberated Harry's shout. "Not so loud."

"Ooh," Harry said as a thought came to him. "Good idea." Harry stuck both of his gloved hands out and juiced up a spell.

_BOOM!_

The air rippled with power and a deafening thunder from the cannon blast charm that left Algernon and Fullerton with a case of wand envy.

"Great Merlin," Algernon admitted while his ears were ringing. "You could see the heat emanating off that spell."

"He's Harry Potter," Fullerton mumbled as that seemed to explain everything.

In a burst of fire, Fawkes appeared directly in front of Harry. A few emotional twinges and Harry answered, "No I wasn't worried."

Fawkes hovered in front of Harry and continued to communicate through Harry's emotions.

"Really?" Harry asked. "Excellent. Fawkes says if we find a place the goblins approve of, the phoenixes will come help out, donating feathers and tears."

"Gregorovitch will be pleased," Fullerton commented.

"You got a wandmaker with ya?" Harry asked.

Algernon nodded. "Yup, and he's got an apprentice too, but Hudson's not magical, so I don't know how good he'd be at wand crafting."

Harry nodded and was trying to think of all the numerous magical roles he took for granted. He realized he was daydreaming when Fawkes interrupted him with a burst of lust. He turned to the cheeky bird and asked, "You mind taking us back now?"

The five in the space suits all linked hands and Fawkes decided to take a slightly longer route back to the small side room to the main goblin conference area. Sitting on the table was the oversized shallow bowl that was one of the first pensieves ever designed.

River volunteered to return the suits while Harry led the pair of old wizards towards the cargo bay of Serenity.

"I think they got the right idea," Algernon commented before a yawn. Nearly all the other wizards had set up magical tents or were resting comfortably in one of the many trunks laid out. Some were closed. Some were open with ladders coming out the top.

"Give me some names to have Mr. U look up," Harry said before leaving the two alone.

"Anthony and Samantha Jackson had two kids and an Uncle Leo," Fullerton recalled. "David Jugson, Deanna Jugson, Steven and Susan Smith had three children Zacharias, Jebediah, and… Lucille? No not Lucille. What was her name?"

"It's alright," Harry said waving him off. "I think that should be enough names. Anthony, Samantha, Leo, David, Deanna, Steven, Susan, Zacharias, and Jebediah. Got it."

"Thank you, Mr. Potter," Fullerton said with a bow of his head. He and Algernon slowly walked towards a couple of trunks still sitting in the corner.

Harry watched them set up for a minute before turning back towards the front of Serenity.

"What is this thing Harry?" Mal asked when Harry returned to the dining room.

"That is a very old pensieve," Harry answered. "Supposedly created by the wizard who made the first pensieve."

"And did you need a salad bowl for fifty?" Mal asked, looking at all the pieces that seemed to be detachable.

"Nope," Harry said. "I just let Fullerton take back the old pensieve he'd been using, since I could get this one."

"Is this one better?" Mal asked, tugging on one of the pieces hanging down.

Harry shrugged. "Historically, this one's priceless. And for viewing memories in large groups, it's much better. Those little dongle things come out, so you don't all have to crowd around the tiny personal bowls that later pensieves became."

"If you say so," Mal agreed. "I'd just prefer to be able to eat on our dining room table."

"I'm taking it back to my bunk now," Harry explained. "Don't worry."

Mal grinned deviously. "Oh speakin' of that. Considering the special needs of our cargo-"

"Special needs?" Harry asked curiously.

Mal nodded. "Your bunk's the public bathroom. But I think the line's gone down at least."

"Thanks Captain," Harry answered sarcastically. He continued in a more serious tone, "Once we get a name and a place to visit, any objections to taking off?"

"Jayne's off somewhere in Jersey," Mal answered. "But said he'd be back soon. The rest of us are ready to leave this dump anytime."

Harry opened his mouth to respond when he heard a high-pitched yelp, followed by woman's voice in the distance. "Harry Potter? _The_ Harry Potter?" The sound she finished with could only be called a squee before an older man interrupted her gleeful shriek. "Dammit Marilyn! You're a hundred-forty-two. Act like it!"

Harry shut his mouth, having thought he might have escaped this part of his life. He shook his head and turned to Mal. "I'll let you know before we leave," Harry explained before hefting the massive bowl away to stash in his bunk area and set up a few aroma suppressant wards around the new public bathroom.

* * *

"We've just entered the atmosphere for Ariel," River said over the loudspeaker in a firm but disconcertingly pleasant voice. "We will be landing in downtown Ariel City, where the local time is now 6:37 PM. The temperature is a balmy eighty-one degrees Fahrenheit with five to ten mile per hour breezes coming out of the southeast."

"Is she always like this?" Algernon asked Harry.

"Yeah," Harry said with a smile. "Pretty much."

"We thank you for choosing Serenity Sky," River continued with a haughty air of politeness. "And hope you all have a mildly pleasant day."

Algernon looked at Harry again and finally just asked. "Are you and her… you know…_you know_?"

"Oh sheesh," Harry said closing his eyes and shaking his head. He thought about it for a moment and asked, "Who put you up to this?"

Algernon chuckled and admitted. "The doctor."

Harry sighed and began to think it might be time to get a little revenge on the soon-to-be father.

"Who are we meeting again?" Algernon asked as Fullerton finished transfiguring Algernon's robe to look like as muggle as Fullerton's outfit.

"Freddie Jugson and John Rodriguez are roommates. Both direct descendents of the Jugsons and Jacksons you know," Harry explained. "John Rodriguez's great, great grandmother had three sisters and no brothers, that's why that particular Jackson family doesn't carry the name Jackson."

"Two guys," Algernon answered sticking two fingers in the air. "That's all you gotta say. Two guys."

"Come on," Harry said as he felt the ship steady and power down. "We've landed."

"Harry," Mal jumped in. "I'd feel a lot better if you took some backup with you."

Harry looked over at Fullerton and Algernon who were wearing matching outfits. He got the feeling Mal was more uncertain about these two than he was about the people they were going to drop in on. Harry was ambivalent. "Alright."

"I'll go," Jayne perked up. "Got my grenades already."

Harry shrugged. "Can you at least keep quiet?"

"Prolly not," Jayne answered honestly.

"Close enough," Harry agreed. "Stay holstered though. These are upstanding core citizens and we're just talking to them."

Harry led Jayne, Algernon, and Fullerton out the back door of Serenity. They found some cover in a small copse of trees. Mr. Universe located a nearby empty alley, and gave Harry the coordinates. Harry held onto Jayne's shoulder while Fullerton and Algernon tagged along for the ride, apparating them all without a sound.

It was a very clean urban environment, but not so modern that it didn't feel like it had character.

"Nice neighborhood," Harry commented as they walked out from the Alley. He led them up half a block to the address Mr. Universe provided. There were a number of flyers stapled to the message board just inside the building, and Harry was guessing there was probably a university nearby.

Two flights of stairs led them to apartment 7G, where they stopped and knocked. It took a few seconds before footsteps could be heard. The door swung open and a pale freckled face answered the door with a smile. His smile faltered a moment when he saw two very old men, one scary looking large man with a very strange orange hat, and normal looking man faking a smile.

"Hello," the man Harry recognized as Freddie Jugson greeted warily.

"Freddie Jugson?" Harry stated, even though he knew the answer.

"I don't know," Freddie cautiously replied. "Who's asking?"

"Harry, Harry, Algie, and a man named Jayne," Harry answered for the group. "Can we come in?"

"No," Freddie said. "Not until you give me a reason."

Fullerton leaned forward conspiratorially and whispered, "It's about a certain secret order."

Freddie's eyes widened in understanding and waved them all in. "Really? I mean… don't answer that out here. Get inside."

Fullerton grinned victoriously at Harry. "You see? When you're in a secret order, the order just becomes more important."

"Yeah, yeah," Harry mumbled. "And I remember the secret order the Jugson I knew belonged to as well."

Freddie was looking at the four who walked in, wondering why in the world two old men were wearing matching outfits. "Wait a second. Did Johnny put you up to this?"

"Did I do what?" the man recognizable as John Rodriguez said entering the living room.

"Excellent," Fullerton grinned. "You're both here."

"You don't know these people?" Freddie asked his roommate John.

John shook his head negatively. "You two a really weird couple?" He asked looking at Algernon and Fullerton.

Fullerton got the feeling these two young men had the wrong impression and decided to find out a little background information. "Tell me, have you ever heard the name Harry Fullerton?"

John looked over at Freddie in shock. "How do they…"

Freddie swallowed the lump in his throat and answered, "Yes, of course we've heard of it. That's the leader of the wizard demons."

John snapped at Freddie. "Not the leader, he's the Master. The _head_ Master."

"Oh dear," Algernon commented.

"Excuse me?" Fullerton said in a higher voice than expected.

"Wizard demon, eh?" Harry asked, realizing the situation was not going to go as smoothly as hoped. He didn't particularly want to give Jayne an excuse to shoot anybody. "What… umm… what exactly is the purpose of your secret order?"

John and Freddie exchanged a look. John answered, firm in his convictions, "It's our duty to protect the universe and keep the secret of wizard demons hidden."

"Our families have been entrusted with the secret location of the imprisoned immortal demons. It is up to us to make sure they never rise again." Freddie continued, just as proudly.

John nodded. "They look human, but they're not. They cannot die, only be imprisoned in netherworldly pockets of space using their own evil and dark voodoo against them."

"Huh," Jayne guffawed. "That sounds like a pretty accurate assessment."

"Oh _dear_," Algernon repeated.

Harry saw Fullerton's jaw had dropped open and was just hanging there stupidly. Harry grinned at the gob smacked old wizard. "Secret orders sure do take their jobs seriously."

"Well, I mean," John shook his head. "None of our families have had to fight any of the demons yet, so I guess that means we're doing a decent job."

"You intend to _fight_ the demons?" Harry clarified.

"They may not be able to die," Freddie explained. "But you can hurt them. And there's ways to contain them. Temporarily control their demon minds and all."

"Wait," John said interrupting his roommate. "Are you saying the demons are going to rise soon?"

Freddie gasped, "Or have they risen?"

Harry opened his mouth and then shut it. All of the others hesitated to respond and the situation was correctly interpreted by the young Jugson.

Freddie turned to John and grabbed him on the shoulder. "It's them! They're the demons!"

"Here we go," Jayne said with a grin.

John said nothing to Freddie. He just jumped into action and began to run back towards the hallway.

Harry saw Jayne had drawn his gun, and decided it was time to intervene. Harry sent two quick stunners at both John and Freddie. His first one hit John, but Freddie had been downed by Fullerton's stunner before Harry's had even arrived.

"Hey," Harry said with a smile. "It's been a while since I've had another wizard around."

Fullerton nodded. He sighed after considering the situation. "We're going to have to _obliviate_ them, but I'd like to know just how their little secret order turned into… this."

"Yeah," Harry admitted. "You're not gonna get any answers from them willingly."

"They seemed quite forthcoming when we got here," Algernon commented.

Harry blushed slightly and said, "I _may_ have had something to do that."

"So what now?" Jayne asked kicking the unconscious men. "We cut open their brains?"

"Not yet," Harry said. "Let's try magic before we break out the spoons. These are your boys, Headmaster. You can pilfer them however you like."

Fullerton nodded and turned to Algernon. "_Legilimency_ is authorized under wartime. Do you think we could justify these special circumstances the same way?"

"Are you serious?" Algernon asked Fullerton in confusion.

"Well, we don't have any veritaserum with us," Fullerton explained. "And I didn't figure you'd want to run back."

"Umm… I think he's more referring to the part that there is no authority to justify your actions to. Or rules you have to follow," Harry added. "Personally, I'm beginning to enjoy the _Imperius_."

Fullerton and Algernon glanced at each other in fear before turning to see if Harry was kidding.

"Oh please," Harry said. "Don't look at me like that. It's a just plain useful spell."

Fullerton flicked his wand and both unconscious men floated in the air. He gently set them down on separate couches and turned to his deputy. "You want to work on John Rodriguez while I see what I can find out from Freddie Jugson?"

Algernon agreed and moved over to the couch with John.

"Can you restrain them both?" Fullerton asked Harry, before realizing how rhetorical that must have sounded.

"I think I can manage," Harry said, casting a good old fashioned silent wandless _Imperius_ curse on the unconscious Jugson.

Freddie sat up with his eyes open and glassy, moments before John did the same.

"They're not going anywhere," Harry told Fullerton and Algernon. Harry sat down on an edge of the couch leaving the recliner for Jayne. "Did you bring some cards?"

"This gonna take a while?" Jayne asked.

"It might," Harry said looking over as Fullerton and Algernon descended into the minds of Freddie and John respectively. "Muggles' minds are never organized, and they could be sifting through stuff for a while."

"These kids are young," Jayne said looking around. "They probably got a deck around here somewhere."

Jayne walked back into the bedroom that John had been running towards. He couldn't help but snicker at the bra hanging off doorknob. He saw a deck of cards just happened to be sitting there on the bed. Thanking his good fortune, Jayne grabbed the cards and prepared himself for a little gambling.

"Got some, right here," Jayne said walking back to the living room. Jayne and Harry played a couple dozen hands before Jayne asked, "So what exactly are they doing?"

"Same thing River does, just a bit more focused," Harry explained looking at his cards. He looked up at Jayne. "Surprisingly they're worse at this than me. But they're both finding out bits and pieces."

"Err… you can tell that?" Jayne asked curiously.

"Yeah," Harry explained. "The curse I'm holding them under lets me watch the same thing those two are seeing through their spells. It's just kinda tricky keeping track of all the things I'm seeing in their heads, as well as my own head and this game."

"Yeah, you did seem a bit distracted," Jayne said mucking his cards, acting as if he was doing Harry a favor by quitting the game, regardless of his inevitable defeat on this hand.

"With practice, it's not that hard," Harry said. "I mean I noticed the four times you've taken an extra card."

"Oh," Jayne admitted, knowing it did count as cheating if you got caught. "Why didn't ya say nothin'?"

Harry shrugged throwing his cards away too. "I cheated back on those hands."

"You did?" Jayne asked in surprise. "How?"

"I'm not telling _that_," Harry said with a grin. "Besides we should probably get going because I think those two are about done."

"Alright, I'll put the cards up," Jayne said getting the feeling he was lucky to have broken even.

"Don't," Harry said. "When we memory charm them, we'll just leave them thinking they've been playing cards."

Jayne shrugged while Harry stunned both Freddie and John. Fullerton and Algernon slowly sat up, having been jarred from their mental trances.

"I know a bit, but I didn't get it all," Fullerton explained. "Are we in a hurry? Do we need to leave?"

"Yeah, I didn't get a complete picture either," Algernon added.

"Well between the two of them, I _did_ get a complete picture," Harry explained. "And I'm tired of waiting. Who knows when someone might drop by."

"Are you sure?" Fullerton challenged.

"According to the stories their fathers told them," Harry recited. "Back when the original settlers first landed, they unleashed an alien evil that possessed many of the friends of these guys' ancestors." Harry lazily explained, "The demon wizards were blowing people up, causing as much havoc as possible, and being a pretty general, all-around evil. The few families that managed to resist the demon possession, managed to trick the last few demons into sealing themselves away. Since then, it has been up to them to make sure the demons don't come back. As well check out new planets to make sure there aren't more evil demons taking over new settlers. So most of what you wanted them to do, they've been kinda doing."

Fullerton looked over Algernon and both found themselves agreeing with Harry's synopsis. "How'd you piece all that together?"

Harry grinned. "I told you _Imperius_ was useful. I saw the same things you both did."

Fullerton didn't think anything good would come from conceding that point. "Have they found any new demons?"

Harry and Algernon both shook their heads. Harry answered, "Nope. But they keep wooden stakes, garlic, crosses, silver bullets, holy water, and audio of children's laughter nearby just in case."

Fullerton sighed. "This is disappointing."

"Let's just _obliviate_ them and go," Algernon said.

"Be my guest," Harry said waving towards Fullerton. Harry looked down at his communicator and found out Serenity hadn't moved.

"_Obliviate_!" Fullerton incanted holding his wand up in front of the two petrified but conscious and frightened muggles. He wiped out a little over an hour just to make sure. "You have been playing cards for the last hour. You are not worried about any wizards or demons. And you think your families are overreacting about silly old superstitious fairy tales."

The glazed over looks on their faces indicated the memory charms had been successful. Knowing there was still going to be a minute or two of disorientation, Fullerton released the body bind spells and stood up. "Let's go."

Harry had River clear out of the bridge and apparated the group of four straight into the cockpit of Serenity. "Well that was quite informative. I hope we've all learned our lesson about secret orders."

"Yeah, yeah," Fullerton said waving Harry off. "I want to think about this for a bit. Cargo bay is that way?" Fullerton asked looking out the door.

"I'll show ya," Jayne offered. "I'm headed that way anyway." Jayne led the two older wizards towards the back. As they walked away Jayne could be heard asking, "You know if Jane's seeing anybody? Actually, let me rephrase that. You know if Jane's a fan of unconditional sex?"

"Good day?" River asked, seeing that it was safe to walk back onto the bridge and not risk a wizard appearing inside you.

"I'm not sure I'd call it good," Harry answered. "Got a few answers, they just weren't quite the answers we were looking for."

"Jayne get to shoot anybody?" River asked. "Or at least use a grenade?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. Just manipulated a couple of muggles' brains because they thought we were evil demons. Then wiped their memories so they'd never know we were ever there. No harm, no foul."

River just nodded unsure what to make of the uncomfortable feeling her inner eye was giving her.

* * *

Stephanie Smith had always listened to the stories her parents told her about the things the wizard demons were capable of, but she figured they were just stories. She and John were about to get into one of their usual fights, that always ended up with make-up sex. She wasn't quite sure why make-up sex was better than the normal stuff, but for some reason it was. When there'd been a knock at the door, John assured her that Freddie would get it. They were about to continue their half-hearted spat when John started to get an uneasy feeling. He told her to wait in his room, while he went out to see who had been at the door. She was listening as they talked frankly about wizard demons, and she found it quite odd how open both John and Freddie were being with these strangers.

She knew her family was as much a part of the supposed secret order as anyone's and when she heard one of the guests say, "Secret orders sure do take their jobs seriously," she felt the need to introduce herself as well. Before she'd taken two steps out of the room though, she caught John's eye, he was shaking his head negatively at her. She caught on to his intention and stepped back out of sight. She listened to them discuss fighting the demons before Freddie's frantic voice identified the strangers as the demons in question. She held back a scream when she heard calls of _stupefy_ and the sound of two thumps. She peeked around the corner and saw both John and Freddie were unconscious. She knew she had to hide.

She quietly snuck her way into the closet, trying to listen to the intruders while not being noticed. She heard one of them say he was looking for a deck of cards. She glanced over hurriedly and knew John kept his games in the closet. She grabbed a deck, slipped her hand out the closet door and tossed the cards right onto the bed. She pulled back out of sight and heard a man walk into the room. She was tempted to see what the demon looked like, but she was too scared.

She'd been holding her breath the whole time until he'd left the room. She stayed hidden in the closet not knowing what was going. She could hear them talking some, but couldn't make out what they were saying. She just remained silent and prayed for them to leave. It was only about a half hour, but it felt like an eternity. Suddenly the muffled conversation was gone and the apartment was totally silent. She stopped moving and waited a few more minutes, just listening for any sign of movement.

She heard someone get up and walk into the room. She wasn't sure who it was, but screamed in surprise when the closet door whipped open, blinding her as her eyes had adjusted to the closet's low light.

"Stephanie!" John said falling backwards in shock. "What the hell are you doing hiding in there?"

Stephanie lunged forward and hugged her boyfriend. "Oh, I was so scared."

John was comforting his girlfriend in confusion as he put the deck of cards back onto his game shelf. "When did you get here? Or… hold on, did you ever leave?"

"What are you talking about?" Stephanie asked. "It was those wizard demons! Did they do something to you?"

"Wizard demons?" John said skeptically. "You know those things are just superstition."

"No! You were just talking to them," Stephanie insisted frantically seeing the doubt on her boyfriend's face. "They were just here!"

"Are you feeling okay?" John asked worriedly. "I've been playing cards with Freddie for an over an hour now. I think you're taking those old wives tales a little too seriously. You need to settle down and think a bit more clearly."

Stephanie could see the honesty on John's face and realized he really had no idea. She knew the demons had to have done something to him and right now, she simply couldn't trust him. She forced a smile at John and agreed. "You're right. I am too tense. I think I'm gonna call it an early night."

"Okay, sweetheart," John said kissing her on the forehead. "You're welcome to stay here. I'll let you get some quiet and make sure Freddie keeps it down."

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to go." Stephanie said, patting John on the chest. "There's something I want to talk to my Dad about anyway."

"Is it important?" John said, sensing the anxiety Stephanie was feeling.

Stephanie shook her head. "No nothing important," she lied. "Just wanted his opinion on something that's all."

"As long as it's not about that wizard demon stuff," John retorted. "I think we've wasted enough time humoring our parents on that heebie-jeebie voodoo."

Stephanie just smiled and left as quickly as she could. She had to tell someone before the wizard demons got to her too.


	32. CHAPTER THIRTY ONE: Rings and Schools of

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE – Rings and Schools of Thought**

"You mean those people want to hunt you down and kill you?" Mal clarified hiding a small smile.

"No," Harry argued. "Nothing like that. They don't want to kill wizards."

"They think these here demons are immortal, so no, killing ain't part of the plan," Jayne added with a grin. "Hunt, hurt, and cage? You betcha."

"So this is a reaction all wizards get?" Mal grinned. "I thought it was just you, Harry."

"It does make me wonder," Harry mused, "about how skewed the message got. I mean these were the descendents of magical families who were supposed to be on the lookout for new wizards or a magical planet. They knew where the current wizards were and knew it was up to them to wake the wizards at an appropriate time. And somehow that turned into looking for new wizards or a magical planet in order to keep them from rising again and attacking the poor ignorant mortals. And they believed the wizards were imprisoned because they were evil not out of necessity or choice."

"You think someone meant to sabotage them?" Jayne asked.

Harry frowned. "Maybe. But just as easily, the stories of wizards blowing people up and fearing the loss of their magic could have simply been misinterpreted. Maybe early on, the people who knew the real story got blown up themselves and their families or neighbors just… guessed at what happened. Who knows?"

"Does it matter?" Mal asked.

"Not a bit," Harry sighed. "The sad thing is that these people have been doing what they believe is right for generations, preparing to save the world from demons."

"They gonna be a problem?" Mal inquired doubtfully.

Harry shook his head. "Naw, we _obliviated_ them both. They're completely certain they've just played cards for a couple hours. Wouldn't even recognize us if they saw us on the street."

"So you didn't find out _anything_ useful?"

"Actually," Harry explained. "They were still looking for a magical planet, like Fullerton had been wanting. What they did if they found one may have been a problem, but at least we know they haven't located one."

"This mean you're humped?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm not sure they really knew what they were looking for, considering how messed up the purpose of the secret order of the squib turned out."

"You got any idea where to next?" Jayne asked curiously.

"Not really," Harry said. "I figure Ariel here's a nice place. Let's just idle here while we figure out the next step. We got some ideas on how to maybe utilize my vault, but nothing concrete. I'm gonna try and gather up a fair amount of information for Fullerton so he can figure out what they all wanna do."

Mal nodded. "We ain't in no hurry. And I gotta admit, so far, that little group's not all that different from the last herd of cattle we moved, besides the fact that they clean up after themselves a might better."

"I know Fullerton's considering going back into stasis too," Harry added. "We're not at that point yet, but it's a possibility."

"Would you be okay with that?" Mal asked and saw Harry's face contort in uncertainty. "I mean you been searching for them wizards a couple of years now. You finally find them, and they want to ditch you again."

Harry paused, thinking he was missing something more here.

Mal saw Harry's hesitation and asked, "Or are you thinking of going with them, if they take another long nap?"

"Course he ain't!" Jayne insisted and saw Harry wasn't jumping to answer. "Are ya, Harry?"

Mal saw Harry was still lost in thought and argued with Jayne. "These are folks like him. He may want to stick with others of his kind."

"Harry?" Jayne asked sadly.

"Hmm?" Harry finally processed the conversation going on in front of him. "Oh sorry. No, no. I'm certainly not intending to ever take another one of those long naps. I don't think they should either, but that's still just one possibility among many to consider. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves."

"Hypothetically like," Mal continued. "If they did, would you be okay with that? Only wizard in the 'verse and all."

"Me?" Harry said with a shrug. "Yeah, sure. I mean I wasn't so much searching for wizards necessarily as I was looking for answers about what happened and why. Whether they go back to sleep or not… I got my answers. Not quite the ones I was hoping for, but I got 'em."

"Harry ain't going nowhere," Jayne said with a grin. "He's gotta stick around. We've got River."

Harry groaned and was mumbling, "Not you too."

"I meant for her brainy-training," Jayne explained.

Harry managed to hide his embarrassment at how quickly his thoughts went in the wrong direction. "I knew that."

* * *

Simon looked up and saw Kaylee and Harry walking towards him. Harry had an unnerving smile that left Simon trying to think of what he'd done to deserve whatever Harry had in mind. 

"Hey Doc," Harry said, sensing the unease from the elder Tam sibling. "Got a minute?"

Simon nodded and glanced at Kaylee. "You're supposed to be on my side."

Kaylee rolled her eyes. "I am on your side. I just need to talk to you, and I wanted Harry here to help explain a few things."

"Alright," Simon said just before grabbing a hold of Kaylee and kissing her with all his might.

Harry just turned his head and gave the couple their moment, thinking at this rate he may not even need to confound the young doctor.

Kaylee was left breathless for a moment and Harry helped Simon catch her as she stumbled.

"Okay," Kaylee said looking at Simon. "Umm… that was lovely. But we still need to talk."

The group of three sat down, with Simon clearly trying to get closer to Kaylee than was advisable for pleasant conversation.

"Hang on, hot stuff," Kaylee said making sure they had some distance between them. She saw she had Simon's attention and explained, "Listen. The thing is these wizards are trying to figure out what makes people magical. Now with Harry's vault, they've also got access to the original planet now."

"Oh no," Simon whispered dangerously, shaking his head. "No way."

"Now wait just a minute," Kaylee insisted, sterner than usual.

"You've bewitched her, haven't you?" Simon said pointing his finger at Harry.

Harry said nothing just raised his hands innocently.

"You don't even know what I'm gonna say!" Kaylee argued.

"You're going to…" Simon trailed off and stopped at the look his girlfriend was giving him.

"Thank you," Kaylee snapped, inwardly feeling quite proud of herself. "Now, Dr. Fullerton explained to me that since you have the dominant M-gene and I have neither dominant nor recessive gene, that statistically it's more likely the baby won't have the dominant gene. But they know the key to making a magical person is not as simple as that. It has a lot to do with environment and magic, not just the science."

Simon was watching Harry's solemn face betrayed by the twinkle in his eye. "We are _not_ going to move into Harry's vault. I refuse. I forbid it."

"Of course we're not," Kaylee argued. "That would be horrible, no offense to the goblins. I just wanted you to know, that I've decided to sell them my baby."

"What!" Simon gasped, a little too thrown off by the whole situation to remember he was suspecting a ruse.

"They just need to experiment on babies," Kaylee explained. "That's all. Harry assures me that there's a decent chance the thing'll end up mostly fine and we can still raise the little urchin. But even if it's not, we can just make another."

Simon was staring at his girlfriend in abject horror.

"If you want the money," Harry suggested to Kaylee. "You could probably sell that one too."

"Same price?" Kaylee asked Harry hopefully.

Harry nodded. "I don't see why not."

"But… but…" Simon stuttered. "That's our baby!"

Kaylee huffed. "Don't worry. You'll get a share of the money too. I'm not going fifty-fifty but we can work something out."

"It's a baby!" Simon insisted. "It's… it's…" He finally saw the looks on Kaylee and Harry's faces and groaned. "Oh god."

"Wow, Doc," Harry said through his snickers.

"I can't believe you!" Kaylee screeched. "You honestly thought for even a second I would _sell_ our baby! That's just plain sick. You… you…"

"Oh Doc," Harry continued to chuckle.

"I didn't…" Simon stopped and realized he had no defense here.

"I had all these technical arguments ready," Harry grumbled. "Reasons on why this was necessary and you'd be doing a public service…"

"You make me sick!" Kaylee insisted as she got up and left, holding back her tears.

"But," Simon weakly argued as she left. "But…"

"Hmm," Harry commented as he watched Kaylee go. He turned towards Simon. "I guess the mood swings have started."

Simon just glared at Harry.

Harry shrugged, unconcerned. "They'll swing back. Though our plan certainly didn't include you so easily accepting Kaylee's declaration."

"This is your fault," Simon mumbled, not completely believing it himself.

"She been getting sick in the mornings?" Harry inquired.

Simon nodded. "Last three days, I've been on hair duty."

"Ahh," Harry nodded. "Holding her hair while she yawns in technicolor. One of the few jobs women agree men are well suited for."

Simon sighed. "Are you done with whatever unnecessary pain and drama you wanted to inject into my life?"

Harry saw the resignation on Simon's face and nodded. "What's on your mind?"

"I… I could use your help," Simon admitted, temporarily blocking out his opinion of the man in question.

Harry raised a curious eyebrow. "Considering how that just played out, I probably owe ya one. What can I do for you?"

"We're stationed on a nice planet, and I asked Inara but she told me I should talk to you," Simon rambled. "She reminded me of the fact that you're at least coming from the right gender and have over a century of successful experience and despite my personal opinions of you I should-"

Harry grinned. "This is really hard for you, isn't it?"

Simon stopped after being interrupted and looked at Harry. He finally admitted tiredly, "I need to go ring shopping."

Harry chuckled. "You're just a dripping bucket of romance, aren't you?"

"Will you help me or not?" Simon replied. "It's not like I know that many guys, and Mal and Jayne are probably more clueless than me."

"True," Harry admitted. "But it still might be fun if they came."

"So you'll do it?"

"Yes, yes, of course I'll _do it_, for Kaylee's sake if nothing else," Harry responded. "But we really need to work on your attitude here."

Simon looked at Harry curiously, trying to keep any distaste off his face.

Harry glanced behind him and cast a small privacy sphere. "You're not ring shopping in frustration and anger. You're going to ask the girl you love to marry you. The ring is a necessary part of that, but you really need to be a little bit happier about this."

Simon forced himself to smile brightly.

Harry saw he was losing him. "Before we get too far, are you doing this now just because she's pregnant?"

"Yes."

"No!" Harry yelled. "No, no, no!"

"Well not _just_ because she's pregnant of course. I love her. I don't want to lose her. I want to spend the rest of my foreseeable life with her. But as to why specifically now-"

"No!" Harry insisted again. "I don't care if that's true! You never admit that out loud. When she asks you - and I assure you she is going to ask you - you tell her you love her, you tell her you don't want to lose her and you want to spend the rest of your life with her. But wanting to marry her has absolutely nothing to do with the pregnancy. _Nothing_!"

"I thought honesty was the-"

"Don't think!" Harry argued. "Thinking will only get you the couch."

Simon could tell how serious Harry was and just nodded numbly. "Okay."

"This isn't something you have to do," Harry explained. "This isn't something you should be reluctantly doing. And this isn't something you should have any confidence at all in doing. You seem to think this is a foregone conclusion."

"What?" Simon asked uncertainly.

"What are you going to do when she says no?"

Simon frowned. "She's not going to say no."

"How do you know that?"

"We've talked about marriage before," Simon explained. "I know how she feels about me."

"And of course things haven't ever changed or not gone according to plan says the doctor who had to steal his sister from the government and live life on the run with his pregnant girlfriend."

"You think she'll say no?" Simon asked in distress.

"We won't know until you ask," Harry said ominously. "We can work on how you're going to ask and when, while we hit a few jewelry shops."

"What do you mean _how_?" Simon inquired.

Harry turned to Simon in irritation. "You haven't even planned out _how_ you're going to ask?"

Simon gulped.

"Did you piss Inara off and that's why she referred you to me?"

"I'm beginning to think so."

"Let's get the Captain in on this," Harry mused.

"What? Why?" Simon asked.

"Who's known Kaylee longer than you?" Harry retorted. "Who's seen her before she got all bubbly and sweet on you? Who can keep her busy while you get all your ducks in a row?"

"My ducks?"

"It's a saying," Harry explained. "Don't ask me. I don't know where it came from. You go apologize to Kaylee, I bet her mood's probably swung back by now. Me and the Captain will come get you in just a few minutes."

Simon was hugging Kaylee, still confused on why she had apologized to him. He looked up, saw Mal and Harry striding towards them, and wondered why in the 'verse he was just trusting Harry's lead on this one. Then again, 115 years of happy marriage is kind of hard to argue with.

"Listen Kaylee," Mal began while thinking Harry's idea was a pretty good one even if they didn't need to keep her busy. "I been thinking. We got a little time and money now. You remember that thing we kept putting off fixin'?"

Kaylee released Simon and stepped back. "The catalyzer coupling reg shock covers?"

Mal blinked unaware there was something specific she had in mind. "Uh… yeah, that sounds about right."

"The patch job on it will hold up for a while longer," Kaylee explained.

"See that's just it, though," Mal continued. "You got the bun in your oven, and pretty soon you won't be as able to fix things like the catalyzer coupling covers. I figure, we got the time, the money, and your physical capability, so we should get Serenity humming as best we can. Let you stay off your feet when you need to be off 'em."

Kaylee agreed and smiled all traces of her upset mood gone. "Aye, Cap'n. I know a shop not far from here."

Mal wryly grinned getting a kick out of this every time he said it. "Go on and use the company card to pay for everything. And anything else that'll keep her running good you think we may need. Don't need her pretty, just running as smooth as possible."

Kaylee nodded. "Shouldn't take me more than twenty minutes to get there and back. But will probably take a couple days to get them all stripped and fitted back in."

"Well, we ain't going nowhere for a couple days then," Mal agreed. "Thanks Kaylee."

Harry found out from Fullerton that a half dozen of the wizards had left to do some grocery shopping. Harry had given them a couple ration packs out of the stash from the Blue Sun job, but apparently they were hoping to get some proper food. Harry left his communicator with Fullerton and showed him how to search through the archives of information on the planets. Harry doubted Fullerton would find anything but wished him luck. Now with the wizards all set and Kaylee busy for the rest of the day, Mal, Simon, and Harry made their way towards one of the more famous jewelry boutiques, Hannigans.

"So how much should I spend?" Simon asked as he was browsing over the display cabinets.

"The popular theory is approximately four months salary," Henri, the Hannigans employee in the double-breasted suit assigned to keep an eye on them, answered.

"Four months now?" Harry asked. "Yeesh. Times change. Women get greedier."

"I'm sorry we don't carry a clearance section, sir," Henri snootily commented towards Harry.

"Don't worry about the price," Harry commented. "No matter what this little sales boy might pitch, the size only matters to a certain kind of girl. And that ain't Kaylee. You just gotta find the _right_ ring. Worry about the cost when you've decided."

"That diamond's huge!" Mal commented looking at one particularly ugly monstrosity.

Harry glanced over and winced. "Excellent choice for the man desperately trying to compensate."

"You get something like that for Kaylee," Mal said looking at it closer. "And I can just imagine the happiness she'd have to fake for you."

Simon looked at it. "How much is that ring?"

"If you need to ask, then that's not the ring for you," Henri commented.

"If you've got any taste at all," Harry amended. "Then that's not the ring for you. But if you're curious, I'd guess that ring costs about 175."

"Thousand?" Simon clarified aghast.

Henri nodded, slightly impressed. "You have a good eye. It is actually 172,000."

"Like I said, Doc, it's not about the price," Harry explained. "And quit seeking out the ones you know ain't right. See if you can find something she'll love."

"It's a ring," Simon commented. "How am I supposed to know if she'll love it?"

"_Sacre bleu_," Henri swore. "You are hopeless. If she is willing to take you, do not let her go."

Simon winced. "I've never been very good with women."

"Alright, Simon," Harry replied. "That's cute and works once. You probably used it up years ago. And Henri, ease up. I know there's no way that you've not dealt with far more clueless men than us."

"True," Henri admitted. "But that is why rings like that one sell so well." He finished pointing towards the tacky massive diamond.

"I don't even know what I'm doing here," Simon mumbled.

"Me neither," Mal echoed.

"Henri," Harry said grabbing onto both Mal and Simon to keep them from fleeing. "Don't you have some more tasteful, elegantly designed rings? Simplicity is not a bad thing and money shouldn't be an issue."

"If you want my opinion," Henri answered. "Some of our nicest pieces are the refurbished and restored antique rings in those cases over there."

Henri walked around the glass cabinets and pointed out some of the more unique rings to Simon.

"Harry, why am I here?" Mal asked.

"To help Simon?"

"Really?"

"Because he dislikes me, and he respects you?"

"Really?"

"To get something for Inara?"

"Okay, that's it," Mal grumbled. "I'm heading back to the boat."

"Wait, Captain, Mal," Harry said attracting his attention. "Look, have you even noticed what she's been doing lately?"

"Nothing," Mal answered. "She, Zoe, and River have been meeting the wizard folk and just hanging around the ship, cooking a few meals here and there."

"Yeah," Harry said. "Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Harry, I'm not in the mood to figure any of this out. Just spit out whatever's on your mind."

"Look, I could care less if you and Inara dance around the obvious all of your lives," Harry commented. "Well, okay maybe that's not true. But the point is, we're on Ariel, killing time, and she's not made a single move to pick up a client. She hasn't even really considered it in months. She's got plenty of contacts, and I've seen how many requests have been piling up in her inbox, but I think she got a kick out of our little jaunt to the other side of the 'verse. She likes being a part of the crew, and she's been avoiding the one thing that _you_ can't stand. I'm not saying you should be shopping for anything like the Doc is, but it wouldn't hurt to make her feel appreciated, you know? More like crew, less like a tenant."

Mal paused. "She hasn't contacted anyone, has she?"

"I didn't say that," Harry corrected. "If she fell off the face of the Companioning world, she'd lose the part of her that she thinks is most useful to the crew. She's just not accepting any of the calls that make you scrunch up your face in disgust, kinda like you're doing right now."

"So what _are_ you saying?" Mal asked tiredly.

"I don't know what I'm saying. Just pointing out what I've noticed." Harry paused and couldn't help himself. "Sweetie." Harry hurried over to see if Simon was having any luck.

"Hey," Harry commented. "Those look more like Kaylee."

Simon nodded. "I'm really tempted by the one with the rubies."

Harry looked closer. "Those are rubies?"

Henri nodded and explained, "The setting would be destroyed if we tried to replace them."

"They kinda look like strawberries," Harry commented dubiously.

Simon nodded. "That was my thinking."

"Oh, _ohhhh_," Harry realized. "Good call, Doc. There may be hope for you yet."

"Let's not go overboard," Henri added with a small smile.

"Captain," Harry asked, motioning with his head. "Come check this one out."

"You found a winner?" Mal asked.

"What do you think of that one?" Harry said pointing.

"It's a ring," Mal observed.

"For Kaylee?" Harry inquired.

Mal shrugged. "She likes red."

"That's one heck of a strong endorsement," Harry mockingly commented. "How about it, Doc? Any of these others speaking to you?"

Simon shook his head. "I think that might be the one."

Henri helpfully supplied, "It costs twenty-seven thousand, five hundred credits."

"Or not," Simon added as his eyes bulged out.

"Don't get cheap on us now," Harry scolded. "You've got that much, don't you?"

"That's more than half my savings," Simon commented. "That's even more than my blood analyzer cost!"

"Whoa!" Harry said wagging his finger.

Mal winced. "I probably know as much about women as I do about your blood analyzer, but even I know that's not a comparison you should ever be making."

"A ring less than the one you want to give her, invites her to say no," Harry commented. "And never mention the cost compared to your own toys. If you want, I can spot you a loan."

"No, I've got the money," Simon whined. "It's just it feels like this is a lot of money that I'm throwing away on some purposeless little bauble that's nothing more than a symbol for our relationship."

"And so cheaper is the way you want to go?" Mal mumbled.

"Shhh!" Henri hushed them both up. "While that may all be true, do not risk saying it aloud where a female might overhear. This is just the way it is. And rather than risk a gender war we would never win, you need to step up to the plate and be a man."

Harry nodded as they all whispered to each other. "In the old days, a man used to have to cut off one of his testicles to prove his love and claim his bride."

"You just made that up," Simon argued.

"Did I?" Harry asked leaning closer. "_Did I_?"

"It's true," Henri agreed. "Now doesn't that price look much more reasonable?"

"Think it over," Harry said patting Simon on the back. "It's only one of the most important decisions for your future. Ever."

Harry turned to Mal. "See anything for Inara?"

"See anything for River?" Mal retorted with a grin.

"Are you implying my relationship with River is similar to yours with Inara?" Harry replied.

Mal looked over at Simon who was watching them both now. "I don't wanna know about your relationship with River."

Simon turned back towards the engagement ring with the rubies.

"But I saw a shop across the street that looked a bit more like the sort of gift I could get for Inara," Mal commented wondering where the over-protective brother in Simon went.

"Oh yeah?" Harry asked. "What was that?"

"Gun shop," Mal replied with a grin.

"Gun shop?" Harry asked curiously.

"Gun shop," Mal repeated confidently.

"Gun shop," Harry nodded in agreement.

Henri sighed. "And people say romance is dead."

Mal grinned. "What do you think I need the gun for?"

"We'll be across the street, Doc," Harry said. "Take your time. We can come back in a day or two. Check a few more shops if you like. No rush."

Simon shook his head. "I've decided. I'm getting it."

"Excellent choice, sir," Henri grinned in delight. "I will go get the paperwork."

"I'll come get you when I'm done here," Simon said, grinning at Harry and Mal.

Mal led Harry across the street and back towards the semi-automatic hunting section.

The clerk helping them pulled out a number of small firearms. Mal was examining them in turn and said to Harry, "See I figure, if she wants to feel like part of the crew, best thing to get her is a gun."

"You know you can't give away firearms," the clerk warned with a worried look on his face.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Harry waved him off. "Can she handle a gun?"

Mal nodded. "Her training covered many of the more unusual weapons, but she knows how to point and squeeze." Mal picked up a small one with a laser sight. "You think she wants a lightweight one that's a bit girly?"

"I'm serious," the freckle-faced clerk said in a cracked voice. "The only one licensed to even carry the gun will be the authorized buyer."

"We heard you," Mal said ignoring him looking at some of the other guns. "Actually, that's a good point. We going to have headaches over the waiting period here?"

The young man weakly explained, "There's a standard 10 business day waiting period-"

"Nope," Harry interrupted to answer Mal. "We shouldn't have any problem."

The clerk tried to assert himself. "Am I going to have to get the manager?"

"No," Harry said glancing towards the clerk. "Not unless you want to. Hey, do you guys do engraving?"

"Oh yes," the clerk answered liking that question much more. "We have a number of ways to personalize your hunting equipment."

"Engraving?" Mal asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Just something special," Harry added. "Too often, giving a gun as a gift is getting rid of the evidence or a piece you picked up off a dead guy."

"You cannot give firearms as gifts," the clerk reiterated, "It's against the law."

"I'll take this one," Mal said liking the feel of the lightweight semi-automatic. "On the handle here, let's inscribe 'Inara' on one side, and 'Serenity' on the other."

"Nice choices. Simple but certainly making it clear she belongs," Harry said slightly impressed.

"We can do that, but before we get any further, we need to complete the paperwork on your authorization and licensing," the clerk asked.

Harry put a hand on the Captain stopping him, "Go ahead and run your quick-check on General Manfred Asbach."

Mal looked at Harry and mouthed 'Manfred Asbach?'

"I need to see some identification," the clerk explained.

"Just run on it the General," Harry assured. "It'll ask you for an ocular."

The clerk did as ordered and let out a few surprising whimpers and gasps. He came back with an ocular scanning gun. "If you're the one purchasing the gun, I'll need to scan your iris."

Mal glanced at Harry, who just nodded, and let the clerk scan his eye. The clerk looked back at his screen as a result and gulped loudly. "Sorry for the inconvenience Special Agent… Mal."

Mal was fighting a smile and nodded. "Understandable."

"The engraving will take a little time, but you can pick it up after 10:00 AM tomorrow," the clerk nervously explained. "If that's okay."

"That's fine," Mal said. "Can I pay for it now?"

The clerk whimpered and feared having to tell the Special Agent that he had to pay when he picked it up and signed for it.

"Boo!" Harry shouted lunging towards the frightened clerk.

Mal just shook his head when the scared man fell backwards in terror. "You're evil, Harry."

"Oi!" Harry said looking at the Captain. "Respect your superior, Special Agent Mal."

* * *

"We've been searching through all the records of the planets that we can," Fullerton explained to Harry. "All the scientific measurements, the local periodicals, anything that might give us a clue as to whether there might be signs of magic." 

"Yeah," Harry nodded. "And?"

Algernon shrugged tiredly. "Nothing. Not a sign, not a peep, not even unbelievable stories of strange bursts of adrenaline."

"That's what I was afraid of," Harry said.

"Yes," Fullerton agreed. "I did not have strong hopes after your admittance of looking for similar things, but I've not given up yet. I will continue to search if you don't mind."

"I'll want my communicator back but if I'm not using it, by all means," Harry replied. "Search to your heart's content. Come to think of it, we should go and pick you up one of your own. I bet Mr. U would be willing to clone himself into it for you. He's constantly on the lookout for things that might interest us."

"Extremely useful fellow that Mr. Universe," Algernon commented. "If a bit argumentative."

Harry nodded. "He was pretty high maintenance at the start, but these days he can usually take care of himself. So what's the plan then? What're we doing?"

Fullerton was rubbing his chin. "Can I assume you're willing to offer the use of your vanishing cabinets and vault for the good of wizardkind?"

"As long as you've got me convinced it's for the good of wizardkind, sure thing, you bet," Harry answered. "But as far as the vault is concerned, we gotta completely respect the goblins' wishes or needs also."

"Of course," Fullerton agreed. "So what would you think about creating a prestigious young children's school? One where we can be exclusive in our acceptance of applicants? And offer scholarships to the right candidates?"

"You think that's the best place to target?" Harry questioned.

Algernon nodded. "Things like an orphanage or group home are a possibility, but the younger we can go, the better. If we're willing to wait until they're old enough to attend pre-school or boarding school we can give priority acceptance to those carrying the M-gene."

"Perhaps a pre-natal care ward or wing for expectant mothers as well," Fullerton commented. "But without selective measures, we're only going to be having a handful of magical people if we're lucky. We can't exactly screen or reject at a hospital, and assuming our calculations were correct it's only a fraction of a percent of the population that's even a carrier of the M-gene. And that was before the many suicides."

"So then what?" Harry asked. "We just pass on the knowledge to the, if we're lucky, slightly magical children, who will continue on and do the same until a magical planet is found?"

"We also think we can look into attempting to fix the Earth," Algernon argued. "I know how impossible completely restoring the planet might be, but what about building a bio-dome of sorts, perhaps the size of a small city. We could use muggle technology to support a limited area, and we could even offset some of the costs by making the original planet a tourist attraction. The fact that we invited several M-gene carrying families to live there and work there would be a secret to those in the know."

"Careful there cowboy," Harry jumped in. "You guys and your secrets don't have the best track record."

"I suppose not," Fullerton ashamedly admitted. "But I believe we have learned from our mistakes. And the benefits of getting families to live on the only known magical planet would be worth the risk."

"All the while," Algernon explained, "we can be continuing to experiment and trying to discover what it is that makes Earth special, perhaps determine a way to replicate the effects."

"It sounds like you guys have done a lot of brainstorming but haven't come up with any concrete plans."

"We are still holding out hope for a better solution," Fullerton said.

Harry nodded and felt the same way. "Do you think you all are going to last long enough for these plans to begin to take shape? Including me, there's what, twenty-eight people capable of magic? And within less than a century we'll all be dead?"

"Our actions may depend on your own involvement," Fullerton said hopefully. "I think perhaps going back into stasis may be the wisest course of action. Getting most of these ideas in motion will take resources but not necessarily the resources of those of us with magic."

"So you are contemplating napping again," Harry said in disappointment.

"I'm not convinced it's a risk worth taking," Algernon explained.

"Mentors and Masters are required if we are to ever gain young apprentices," Fullerton argued. "Let alone bring the wizarding world back to its former glory."

"That was before we had the Hogwarts library," Algernon explained. "The knowledge will live on, even if we don't."

"I'm with Algie here," Harry argued.

"Why do you call me that?" Algernon asked. "It makes me feel like pond scum."

Harry smiled. "Perhaps you forget that your grandfather was a friend of mine. He told me a number of stories about his Great Uncle Algie, who I'm assuming is your namesake."

Algernon chuckled. "You and your glamour. It's hard to correlate the way you look with the old and powerful legend of Harry Potter."

"I could do without the legend myself," Harry wryly admitted. "But like I said, I'm with Longbottom here. It was a complete fluke that I woke up at all, and I thought I setup a system where it wouldn't be a problem waking me. And without me, you may have never woken up. And you also had a support system in place."

"I agree," Fullerton explained. "That's why I was considering modifying the spell to include its own expiration date, where it reverses the stasis and self-transfiguration after a century automatically. Or however long we intend."

"And risk waking up on a planet without an atmosphere?" Harry argued. "Humanity evolved to the point where we managed to completely hose the Earth-That-Was. I don't think it'd be that hard to mess up a planet again."

"Perhaps a rotation using a ring like you did," Fullerton considered. "Where if the wizard wearing the ring passes on, then the ring becomes the next wizard to wake up. There are options, but for example I do not foresee a need for a wandmaker in the near future. In the distant future on the other hand there will be a point, where we will definitely need one."

"Umm, there's a lot of ways a wizard wearing a ring could die and just set off a chain reaction killing everyone," Harry commented. "Like if the wizard with the ring is floating off into space, he dies, and the next wizard wakes from stasis, floating into space. Or maybe a fire, or the bottom of an ocean, or-"

"Yes, well," Fullerton interrupted. "That idea certainly needs some refinement. But I'm not convinced placing all of our hopes on solely the next fifty years or however long left those with magic have is the best idea either."

"Can't we wait a few years before we decide that?" Harry argued. "I mean let's come up with a plan, get a bunch of these ideas into motion, and depending on how things are going, only _then _consider setting up a stasis rotation or whatever seems logical?"

"I don't believe we should be going into stasis anytime soon," Fullerton explained. "But I fear the consequences of waiting too long."

"Understandable," Harry agreed. "Firewhiskey?"

"Yes please," Algernon nodded. "Talking about this always depresses me."

Harry poured them all a drink to nurse while they decided to dig deeper into their plans. Harry got out a small notebook and pencil and explained, "Mr. U's probably going to have all of this stored and organized for us, but writing it down still helps me to think these things through."

"Me too," Fullerton agreed enjoying the strong taste of the whiskey.

"This side of the twenty-fifth century hardly anyone writes things down anymore, though Duncan likes to humor me by printing out hard copies with handwritten typefaces," Harry commented. He opened the notebook to an empty page and wrote _Dark Lord Muggle Defeating_ across the top.

"Okay then," Harry began. "So assuming there aren't any magical planets other than Earth-That-Was, because if we do manage to locate one, then all of these plans get thrown out the window."

"Can we make up a plan for when we do locate a magical planet?" Algernon asked slowly sipping his firewhiskey. "If only to make me feel better."

"Sure," Harry agreed. "But let's play the odds for now and work on actions we can definitely take. Alright then, what should be the first order of business?"

Fullerton sat back considering the question. "Are we working with nearly unlimited resources?"

Harry nodded. "In terms of money, I've acquired a few very significant family fortunes even while I was napping. Lots of gold, heirlooms, not to mention the increased value because all of our stuff would be classified as antiques from the original planet. There's quite a collector's market for items that predate the planetary move."

"How'd you manage getting richer while in stasis?" Algernon asked curiously.

Harry shrugged. "Same way I officially now own all of the Hogwarts remaining artifacts and library."

"You… _own_?" Fullerton clarified having not heard of this.

"I'm giving it all back to Hogwarts of course, or whatever magical school we can eventually setup," Harry explained. "But the only way the goblins could have saved it was to move it into my vault. And the only way people other than me could put things in my vault, was if they were mine."

"We have quite a few family fortunes among our members, but if you're willing your financial assistance will also be very welcome," Fullerton stated.

"Yes, yes," Harry continued. "I've never cared for money and if it's for the good of wizardkind, I've already said I'm on board. So financially, yes, we have lots of options. What do you think we should start with?"

"I believe an exclusive private school, where we offer scholarships, and invitations to known carriers of the M-gene is the best place to start."

"Build up a visible school in a public place?" Harry clarified. "While secretly using portals so they never know their dorms and classrooms are back on the Earth-That-Was?"

"An extensive period of time on the only known magical planet, especially during development is our most likely and logical hope," Fullerton explained.

"But we won't know just how magical they may be for several years, right?" Harry argued. "They could end up just a few steps above squibs?"

Fullerton nodded. "The progressively weaker wizards during the flight over support the popular theory that it is the adolescent years of development that have the strongest affect on magical growth."

"Considering the evidence we have," Algernon explained. "And the evolution of magical tuition at Hogwarts over the centuries, we believe it's probably the ages of ten to eighteen or so that are most critical."

"Muggleborns were nowhere near Hogwarts until their first year though," Harry argued. "And they've shown signs of accidental magic every bit as young as those who grew up in wizarding households."

"They were all capable of spells by the time they reached Hogwarts," Fullerton pointed out. "But the growth of power is clearly most significant during those years."

"Ideally we'd have them from conception onward, growing up on a magical planet," Algernon explained. "But I don't see how we can feasibly get a significant portion of them to live in your vault. Those of us here on Serenity maybe, but convincing others seems unlikely. A boarding school during what we assume are the most critical years though, studying, sleeping, and going to class on the original planet, now _that_ we should be able to pull off."

Fullerton nodded. "It may mean they're in their late teens before we see signs of accidental magic."

"So we'd tutor them through their twenties?" Harry asked.

"We'd pull them into special programs as soon as they had any sign of magic," Fullerton answered.

"Periodic subtle tests for magic?" Harry inquired.

"We could slip them wands disguised as pencils so they're always waving them around while we keep our eyes open for sparks," Algernon suggested.

"That's a good idea," Harry commented writing down their plans. "So the boarding school where we invite known M-gene folks is our number one priority. What about a pre-natal ward or wing at a hospital? Or the group home and orphanage idea?"

"I think for now we should focus on the school," Fullerton argued. "We're not that many people and we shouldn't spread ourselves too thin."

"I agree," Harry said. "What about the bio-dome on the surface of Earth? Maybe should we at least work out the logistics of that one?"

"Absolutely," Algernon said setting his glass down. "It shouldn't take more than a small team to investigate how difficult it would be, the costs involved, what's even possible on the surface. If you don't mind us using your spacesuits, and we either hollow out a portkey area or find phoenixes willing to assist us, we can run preliminary tests any time."

"That's a good idea," Harry said. "We'd lose the protection of the vault in a designated portkey area, but we'd need the spacesuits to hold off the elements on the surface anyway."

"I just wonder how we could get everyone to touch a portkey through a suit," Fullerton mused.

"Err…" Harry looked at him oddly. "I was thinking we'd make the spacesuits into portkeys, triggered from inside by the people wearing them."

"Capital idea! You have a very astute mind for these things," Fullerton commented with a smile. "I have a habit of overlooking the obvious."

"The obvious," Algernon grinned. "That's usually my department."

"So the bio-dome on Earth-That-Was is the secondary plan, lower priority but perhaps concurrent to the boarding school?" Harry clarified as he was writing.

"Yup," Algernon agreed helping himself to more firewhiskey.

"One thing we can definitely do," Fullerton explained. "Assuming of course we're not inconveniencing the goblins and you don't mind, would be for the families that live in trunks to move the trunks into your vault."

"That's right," Algernon agreed. "The young Yaddenbergs and Liddys were both wanting to start families but elected to wait and go into stasis with us. They can get to work on that and hopefully the vault will incubate their magical babies."

"Both couples are in their late twenties and descended from completely magical families," Fullerton said. "The grandchildren of Jeremy Yaddenberg who is one of the magical wizards. The Liddys' parents did not survive."

"And you think you can convince them to grow up in a vault?" Harry clarified. "Surrounded by goblins?"

"Given the circumstances, I believe we're all willing to make sacrifices," Fullerton explained. "And we'd not force them to stay, or lock them in the vault. With the vanishing cabinets, they can leave easily enough. Perhaps setting up another pair of cabinets, wherever we choose to set up the public appearance of the school."

River and Jayne walked into the dining room and saw the three slightly inebriated wizards.

"Is that firewhiskey?" Jayne asked with a gleam in his eye.

"Help yourself," Harry said waving towards the bottle. "According to Ripruck, I've got dozens of cases of the stuff. I believe from the Burkes, so poison is a possibility."

"The Burkes?" Algernon asked warily, looking at his drink.

Harry nodded. "The Burke, Gamp, Griffiths, and Harris family fortunes all got voided when the last magical family members died and their vault protections failed. It's also where I got the vanishing cabinets."

Fullerton's eyebrows rose. "Those are some _very_ impressive names."

"Should be," Harry commented. "Only the original vaults, from when the London branch of Gringotts first opened, were down that far. I should probably find out how much money I have with all of those."

"Digdug said it was probably between five and six thousand, closer to six," River answered sitting herself down next to Harry and looking at his notebook.

"Five or six thousand what?" Harry asked curiously, knowing he had to have a lot more galleons than that.

"Metric tons of gold," River answered calmly.

Both Jayne and Algernon had been drinking firewhiskey and founding themselves spitting it out at that answer. Fullerton was the unlucky recipient of both small alcoholic sprays.

"Whoa, sorry," Jayne apologized and turned to River. "Did you say _tons_ of gold?"

River nodded. "Without a wizarding world, the galleon doesn't really represent anything other than the gold it's made of, so they just estimate value by weight. If you wanted, I'm sure they could get you an exact number."

"Don't bother. I know that's a lot, but it's not like it does us much good," Harry commented.

"_Dark Lord Muggle Defeating_?" River asked pointing to the top of Harry's notes. "Are you worried they're going demon hunting?"

"Naw," Harry replied and explained, "I just do better fighting Dark Lords, and we're trying to work out a plan for saving the wizarding world from becoming completely muggle."

River was looking through the list of plans and ideas. "I thought you were looking for a magical planet?"

"It doesn't look like there are any," Algernon said, trying not to stare, now knowing how obscenely rich Harry was. "Or at least no signs of any yet."

"So you're just giving up looking for now?" Jayne said, glancing over at Harry's notes.

"If there were one, there should be signs that cannot be easily explained," Fullerton offered. "Both Mr. Potter and I have been searching for information and have come up with nothing."

"What signs?" River asked tilting her head curiously and glancing at Harry. "How do you know a planet is magical? Who's to say Ariel here isn't magical? Can you talk to the planet?"

"That would be very helpful if we could," Algernon commented. "I wouldn't mind talking to Earth. I think we owe her an apology."

"I told you about accidental magic, didn't I?" Harry asked, seeing River's curiosity was piqued.

River nodded. "Uncontrolled magic fueled by emotions?"

"Exactly," Fullerton answered. "Other indications of the presence of magic could be unique creatures or new variations on creatures. Things like mutations may even be actually magic at work. Unexplainable phenomena or even seemingly normal occurrences affecting only a minute percentage of the population. The ability to see things most others can't, for instance."

River looked at Harry and the others. She started to chew on her lip and said, "I think I know a planet like that."

"You do?" Harry said perking up in surprise.

River nodded.

"It doesn't matter in the short term," Algernon said in frustration. "Terraforming will still take decades before the planet is even inhabitable."

"This planet's terraformed and everything," River said weakly.

"If that were true," Fullerton retorted. "Then there would have to have been signs of accidental magic."

River shook her head. "Not on this planet."

Harry saw the sadness in River's eyes and gasped. "You mean…"

River nodded.

"Oh," Harry said having not even considered that.

"Oh _no_," Jayne said shaking his head, finally understanding.

"This… this could be good," Harry said looking at Fullerton and Algernon with a grin.

"G_os se_," Jayne said taking a big drink of his firewhiskey.

Fullerton saw the varied responses from the people and looked at Harry hopefully. "Just what are we talking about here?"

Jayne sighed and closed his eyes, knowing their immediate future was starting to look a lot uglier. "She's talking about Miranda."


	33. CHAPTER THIRTY TWO: Mal Adjusted

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO – Mal Adjusted**

"Miranda?" Fullerton repeated glancing over at Algernon.

"I know she's a little on the husky side," Algernon commented in his slightly drunken state. "But I was just joking about the gravitational pull around her hips."

"What?" Jayne said. "Miranda's a planet. Not a chub-chub."

"Yes," Fullerton agreed taking the glass out of Algernon's hand. "I had caught on to that fact even if Algie here is a bit… impaired."

"Not you too," Algernon grumbled at the nickname. "So why has the _planet_ Miranda got you guys looking like someone transfigured your wand into toilet paper and told you five minutes too late?"

"And why don't I remember any records on a planet named Miranda?" Fullerton commented. "Was it even in those archives of planets?"

Harry slowly shook his head. "You know, it probably wasn't. The Alliance did a pretty thorough job of completely wiping out all records of the planet's existence."

Fullerton saw Harry seemed to be drifting off in thought and Jayne and River looked a bit reluctant to speak up. "Would someone care to explain a little more about Miranda to me? Or at least what it is that has Miss Tam believing it may be magical?"

River glanced at Harry, feeling smaller than she had in a while. She stood up a little straighter and explained, "You asked about unexplainable phenomena and things happening to only a small percentage of people. Miranda was a planet that got terraformed and then settled about fifteen years ago. Within less than a year the thirty million settlers were all dead, except for a tenth of a percent who went completely mad."

"How mad?" Algernon asked curiously.

"The _skinning you alive, eating your flesh, sewing your body parts onto theirs while raping you_ kind of mad," Jayne said swallowing the firewhiskey that was beginning to taste as weak as regular old whiskey.

"Oh my," Fullerton said realizing how deadly serious they were.

"Reavers are the monsters on the edges of space," Jayne sadly explained. "It was only a couple of years ago that the 'verse found out what the Alliance had done."

"What was that?" Fullerton inquired finding himself sobering quickly.

Harry snapped back to the present and knew he wasn't as close to the situation as the rest of the crew. He answered, "In 2506, they were experimenting on trying to make people less aggressive, hoping to stamp out war and violence. This was just before the Unification War and the many governments joined together into just the Alliance. They readied their nice brand new planet, got it all terraformed, and introduced a little wonder-drug called the G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate, or the Pax, into the air processors. The reaction they got was way more extreme than what they were expecting. People were less aggressive to the point that they lost the will to do anything. Sitting at a table eating breakfast, and they just stopped eating. They sat there until they either forgot how to breathe or starved to death. No struggle to survive, no will to live, they just stopped.

"In about 30,000 of them, or a tenth of a percent, they lost all restraint, understanding, and reason. The complete inverse of the non-aggression. They started eating the corpses of the others, cutting themselves up, scarring their own bodies. Unfortunately they're not completely self-destructive because in packs they can hunt easier, take over villages, and garner more victims."

"The M-gene," Algernon stated, catching on.

Harry and River nodded. Harry continued, "The Parliament wrote it off as a problem with the atmosphere. They said a couple of settlers died and then wiped all existence of the planet from record. No one noticed, and no one survived to tell the tale. The Unification War was all the news for the next five years and the planet of Miranda was a forgotten memory. It was just the boogeyman that started destroying people out on the rim. Stories spread, and people wrote them off as myth or legend, because the aptly-named Reavers weren't leaving any survivors. It took a lot of luck and a small crew of big damn heroes to uncover the truth and broadcast the message across the 'verse."

"_Heroes_," Jayne scoffed and grumbled into his drink. "'Idiots_'_ is more like it."

"Jayne," River glared and hissed, "You may be an idiot, but Wash didn't die for nothin'. Shepherd Book didn't die for nothin'. Mr. Universe and all the others died for thirty million overdue pieces of vindication."

"They're all dead, and what? They died for other dead people?" Jayne argued. "How's that a good thing?"

"Jayne," Harry said looking at the man.

"I'll shut up," he acquiesced.

"River?" Harry said looking at her inquisitively, silently asking permission.

River nodded, but was still frowning at Jayne.

"I don't know exactly what happened," Harry said turning towards the worried looking other wizards. "River's wild _Legilimency_ picked up enough hints about Miranda out of the heads of some important members of Parliament who knew the secret. The crew here ended up following the trail and reaching Miranda, picking up a recording from one of the scientists responsible for the Pax.

"The Alliance had been tracking River down because they wanted to silence her, fearing what she knew." Harry paused and took a drink of his firewhiskey. "Part of the government's fervent hunting of Miss Tam included killing an innocent Preacher who offered them occasional sanctuary and slaughtering his whole village, young children and all. They also knew Mr. Universe was an associate of theirs and killed him for it. When Captain Reynolds and the crew found out the truth, they realized it was something the 'verse needed to know. So they were trying to outrun the mindless, vicious Reavers, and some particularly nasty agents of the government. Mr. Universe had a secret backup transmitter that they managed to reach and got the wave out."

Harry winced and continued, "The crew's pilot, Wash, Zoe's husband, also was killed in the process. So Miranda, Reavers, and the government don't exactly have too many friends on this ship. The failure of the Operative to stop the wave meant the most dangerous secret River had, was no longer a secret. That was when the Alliance chose to attempt alternative solutions to the so-called River Tam problem."

"And so they woke you up," Fullerton stated in understanding.

"And so they woke me up," Harry agreed. He sat back and sighed. "It does explain an awful lot about Miranda though. Why the Pax was so unpredictable, why the Reavers reacted so differently. If there had been enough time, I bet we would have heard about children showing signs of accidental magic. But the time from when the settlers moved in, until the planet was home only to corpses, was less than a year."

"I don't wish to sound horribly callous," Fullerton carefully commented. "But what is the status of the planet now?"

"Infested with Reavers, maybe?" Harry said uncertainly. "I don't know. We should see if Mr. Universe can dig anything more up, because I think the Parliament was going to do something about the planet. The fact that I don't remember hearing any glorious pronouncements, I'm guessing their plans failed. Did you bring my communicator?"

Fullerton stood up. "Ahh, sorry. It's in Algernon's trunk. I'll go get it."

Harry watched the man get up and saw Jayne had given his glass of firewhiskey to River. Jayne had poured himself another and both he and River were just staring down into their drinks. Harry sighed and asked, "How did I miss Miranda? Seriously, why didn't I even think of it sooner?"

River smiled sadly. "You've not been looking for a planet before now. You were looking for other wizards."

"I guess," Harry admitted. "Yeah… I just considered the Reavers the result of mad scientists playing God. I've only come across them a couple times, and considering there were people around, I couldn't exactly curse them. But still…"

Jayne shook his head and added. "Hearing you talk about evil wizards and all, those seem like warm and fuzzies compared to Reavers. Prolly not the same for you, but… yeah."

"You alright, Algie?" Harry asked noticing Algernon seemed to be resting his eyes.

Algernon looked up and nodded. "Yup. I'm actually very excited to hear about the strong possibility of a magical planet, but I don't think my happiness really fits in with the rest of your opinions at the moment."

"Oh no," Harry groaned in realization. "Ahh crud."

"What?" River asked curiously.

Harry dropped his head. "Someone's gotta tell Mal."

River couldn't stop herself from smiling, while Jayne made no attempt to stop his chuckling.

Harry lifted his head at Jayne's laughing. "Does this mean you're voluntee-"

"Nooooo, no," Jayne said shaking his head. "This is one is all you. No question about it."

"Got it," Fullerton announced as he re-entered the living room. "He said he's breaking some laws right now to dig up some answers."

"Miranda, eh, Harry?" Mr. Universe's voice spoke up. "Really aiming to come full circle on us, aren't you?"

"Full circle?" Harry asked curiously.

"Yeah," the communicator answered. "I mean for a minute there, I think a few of the people on Serenity might've started to like you. Good to know you're stamping that right out."

"You're all heart, Mr. U," Harry smiled ruefully. He wouldn't admit it, but the quirky artificial intelligence was one of Harry's most dependable friends. Of course it helped that the digital intelligence was still in its infancy when it met Harry, and Harry's personality undoubtedly shaped it some, giving it such an amiable and annoyingly whiny, immature personality. "So what do ya got for us?"

"Still cracking some of the reports. Standard high security stuff, just takes a minute or two, but hey, that reminds me," Mr. Universe commented. "I noticed a wave of the old General Manfred Asbach?"

"Hey now," Harry grinned. "Keep that info to yourself. It's supposed to be a gift."

"No worries," Mr. Universe explained while Harry saw the others giving him curious looks. "I just thought you might like to know I assigned that Special Agent to respond only to the codename: Hans Von Tinkletreat."

"That should go over well," Harry grinned, making no effort to explain anything to Fullerton, Algernon, Jayne, or River.

"Got it," Mr. Universe explained. "Here we go: Alright, according to this the Alliance has not even set foot on Miranda since the Pax. When the dangerous escaped convict River Tam and the rest of her assault team led the-"

"_Her_ team?" Jayne pouted.

Mr. Universe ignored the interruption and continued. "Led the Alliance cruiser into a trap where they were surrounded by the… blah blah blah… _degenerate pirate and his illegal broadcasting substation_? Oh, I am so going to be updating these files."

"Can you get to the good stuff?" Harry urged.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay… serious breach of security procedures, blah, blah… hey!" Mr. Universe announced happily. "Harry, you're officially 'drastic measures.'"

Everyone had to smile at that and even Fullerton was chuckling.

"What're you laughing at?" Harry said, trying to sound tough.

"Oh wow," Mr. Universe interrupted. "An unnamed advisory board for the Parliament, decided to abandon all further Miranda pursuits just a few months after the wave went out. Apparently the vast majority of scout teams were hunted down, and posed little resistance to the enemy. Some unpleasant audio recordings here," Mr. Universe commented. "Oh here we go. An exploratory attack was made by two fully armed cruisers. When the largest Reaver ships were destroyed, all the others swarmed and crashed into the cruisers, resulting in the complete destruction of the Caesar 7. The Caesar 9 was overrun and was under Reaver control until it was discovered dead in the air eight months later. Reavers plowed straight into the bridge of the Caesar 9 and engaged the soldiers in hand-to-hand combat as they flooded onboard. The advisory board came to the conclusion that superior numbers and training are insufficient to defeating Reavers in close combat."

"Gosh," Jayne said rolling his eyes. "I guess the Reavers weren't fighting fair."

"They were able to observe the Reavers on the Caesar 9 for three weeks, before the transmissions were abruptly ended. They believe them to be creatures without reason or rationality, but they are intelligent. They will attack each other with extreme ferocity with little provocation, and speak in only high-pitched screams and grunts. The Reavers are apparently only concerned with individual survival and continuous hunting. They even observed a female Reaver that actually carried a child to term… oh my. There's video for this. Do you wanna see it?"

"No!" Harry insisted.

"Yeah, probably not," Mr. Universe continued. "But the short of it is that mothers eat their young, and then the rest eat the mother. You sure you don't want to see the video?"

"What else?" Harry said, trying to banish the image from his mind.

Mr. Universe kept going. "They estimate that there are still as many as possibly ten thousand Reavers trolling the rim. Primarily in small packs of anywhere from a half dozen to as many as can fit on the various ships they can salvage and pilot. Usually, only one or two ships will be in the same vicinity, and together they will attack and raid outlying villages. Sometimes they will attack each other if there are not enough victims or targets to hunt.

"The majority of these areas of space have been deemed restricted and unsafe for travel. The Alliance has essentially ceded the entire sector to being uncontrollable. Conclusions, let's see here… Considering the Reaver lifestyle, and the fact that it was a freak occurrence that made them, the Alliance has decided to let them all die out on their own. As scattered as they are, trying to hunt them down would likely cost more resources than if they were simply leave them alone when within a decade or two they'll be dead anyway. Keeping them contained, engaging only if they stray too near Alliance controlled areas, and simply hoping they never start to reproduce." Mr. Universe paused and added. "Or at least keep munching on the munchkins."

"They're making no effort to unravel why the Reavers came to be?" Fullerton asked. "Or attempting to help them?"

"Help?" Jayne repeated. "Help the Reavers?"

"Nope," Mr. Universe answered. "Then again, this report was last updated over a year ago. If the Reavers behavior doesn't alter significantly, there may be far fewer than ten thousand remaining now. And once they're all gone, or present negligible threat, then the Parliament has a plan to… oh. This could be a problem."

"Here it comes," Harry grumbled.

"They've already designed a bomb," Mr. Universe explained, "that will destroy the planet Miranda completely."

River groaned almost as loudly as Jayne, while Algernon and Fullerton gasped. Harry simply sat back thinking quietly.

"Apparently the communications plan has been to simply downplay the problem," Mr. Universe continued. "Avoid the situation for as long as possible and let it take care of itself. With the Reavers gone, and the evidence gone, the story will fade into myth. On the plus side, they're not planning to vaporize the planet anytime soon, but I suppose on the down side they are planning to vaporize it."

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "That is a down side."

"We cannot let that happen," Fullerton insisted. "A magical planet is too precious and the idea that this one is terraformed and merely waiting for us to settle is an opportunity we cannot afford to miss."

"Let's not put the carriage before the thestral here," Harry interrupted. "The first thing we need to do is figure out if Miranda really is a magical planet."

"You think it might not be?" River inquired curiously.

Harry just chuckled sadly and dropped his head.

"Would you mind if I borrow Mr. Universe and learn more about Reavers and this G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate?" Fullerton inquired.

"Knock yourself out," Harry said, not even looking up.

Fullerton and Algernon both got up to leave as Fullerton happily asked Mr. Universe, "You said there is some video?"

Jayne made a pained face, picturing a mama Reaver eating a baby Reaver, with its chubby little cut-up and scarred cheeks. Jayne saw River didn't seem so angry with him and asked, "So Harry… any idea what you're gonna do?"

Harry mumbled a few curse words to himself and lifted his head. "Yeah, I know what I'm going to do. I just get to be frustrated about it for a few more minutes."

Jayne chuckled and turned when he heard a loud sigh. The portrait of Luna was giving her Harry doll pigtails. "He can be such a drama queen."

"Thank you, honey," Harry said looking over at the portrait of his young wife.

"You know what you have to do," Dilys Derwent said with a warm mothering tone.

Harry nodded.

Jayne frowned. "You're not leaving us, are ya?"

Harry shook his head negatively.

"But you have to get to Miranda and figure out if it's magical," River stated. "Preferably before the Alliance completely destroys it."

Harry nodded his head.

"So you just gotta convince Mal to fly us through restricted uncontrollable space, filled with Reavers, and take us all back to our own little personal nightmare, right?"

"Right," Harry said determinedly. "You think Mal might have a problem with that?"

Jayne chuckled.

"Or Inara or Zoe or Simon or Kaylee?" Harry bobbed his head side to side with each name.

"Don't forget Jayne and River here," Luna helpfully added.

"How about you two? Jayne?" Harry asked hopefully.

Jayne downed the rest of his firewhiskey. "You saved Ma's life. But this'll make us even."

Harry figured he'd owe Jayne one after this, but nodded. "River?"

River was tapping her chin and thinking deeply. "I don't know. You've been in my head, so you know what you're asking of me."

Harry nodded sadly well aware that if anything could tear her mental shields down now, it'd be that place.

"I'll make you an offer," River said quietly, the words floating out dangerously.

Harry looked at her uncertainly. "What's that?"

River leant back and crossing her arms. "We're talking about risking my own life, sanity, and willfully going to one of the most emotionally scarring and painful places in the 'verse. I think we both know I owe you enough that if you ask me to, I'm in regardless. But I'm offering to help you convince Mal and the others."

Harry glanced over at Jayne who was just as confused as Harry. "In exchange for what?"

River never blinked, nor did her inflection change, her posture indicating she was ready to take on anyone. "A date."

Harry felt quite intimidated by how firm River's convictions were. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," River stated plainly. "I want a real, proper, genuine date. None of this misleading the others, or training or what not. Just one date where you have to openly consider the idea of a romantic relationship with me." River had to fight to keep the smile off her face, as the portrait Luna had dropped her Harry doll and was thrusting two big thumbs up in the air.

"You're serious?" Harry asked, finding it quite humorous that even after his 150 years his voice could still crack.

Jayne looked between Harry and River. "You mean you guys… never…"

"Nope," River said, while keeping her eyes locked on Harry.

Jayne was scratching his head. "But I saw you…"

"We were just training," Harry said glancing at Jayne, feeling a bit uncomfortable with River's insistent stare. "Sweaty, strenuous activity, where we just let you all connect the dots however you wanted."

Jayne smacked himself on the forehead, remembering some of the post-workout conversations he'd had. "_Wu de ma_! You guys got even more issues than I thought and you both still need to get laid. I'd take it, Harry. It's a good deal."

Harry looked over at Jayne oddly, and noticed how excited Luna's portrait looked.

"What?" Jayne said. "I ain't gonna help ya with Mal. No way."

Harry saw River hadn't budged and was waiting for an answer. "When?"

River was mentally shelving the rest of the arguments she was prepared to make and considered the question. "When this is all over."

"The trip to Miranda?" Harry clarified, feeling this was a little too surreal a situation to be bargaining over.

"The wizards, the trip, whatever's going to be keeping us busy until we get some proper down time on a decent planet," River amended.

Harry sighed. "Just one date?"

River nodded curtly.

"You're completely nuts, you realize," Harry added, hoping he wouldn't have to ever actually address any feelings he may or may not be having towards the young woman.

"I've been nuttier," River commented, slightly cracking a smile.

"You'll deal with your brother and the Captain?" Harry clarified.

River just nodded.

"Alright," Harry said shaking his head in disbelief. "We'll… we'll go on a date when this is all over."

River snapped her arm out rigidly, demanding a handshake to seal the deal.

Harry forced a smile and tried to ignore the feeling someone somewhere just made a really bad prophecy about him. He shook her hand and was fighting laughter at how cordial and professional River was treating this business transaction.

Jayne just started chuckling and snickering at the pair. River had finally relaxed and was back to looking as normal as ever with a pleased smile.

"What now?" Harry asked in resignation when it was apparent Jayne found something immensely entertaining.

In between laughs and guffaws, Jayne finally answered, "Just picturing your kids."

Harry sighed and got the feeling it would never end. "Please… don't. And both of you say nothing to Mal until we figure out exactly what our plan is going to be. We gotta have specifics and Kaylee's going to be fixing up Serenity for another day or two anyway. How far is Miranda?"

"Good four days, maybe five," River said. "Unless you wanna take Frank."

"Hmm," Harry paused. "Last I heard he was a ways out, looking for life on other planets but he might've headed back our way."

"Looking for aliens?" Jayne asked curiously.

"Or wizards that got lost," River suggested.

Harry shrugged. "Going places no one's ever been sounds as fun as it does boring. I told him to be careful, because if something goes wrong out there, then he's probably stuck. But he says he knows his own body and that Peeves can take care of everything else."

"So we just make no mention of a potential jaunt Miranda's way?" Jayne asked. "Maybe we'll get lucky, wake up, and this is all a bad dream?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, for now. I'll send a wave Frank's way, see where he's at, and make sure Fullerton and Algernon aren't blabbing too much until we know more. Though I wouldn't hold my breath on that waking up part."

* * *

"You're really thinking about giving it up?" Zoe asked. 

Inara sighed. "I don't know. I've practically given it up already. It's not like renting this shuttle really provides me with all that many opportunities."

"You're still paying rent?" Zoe asked in surprise.

"No," Inara said shaking her head. "Considering how rarely we stick around civilized society, Mal won't take rent. Though he brings it up every time I ask how long we'll be anywhere."

"You ever think of leaving again?"

Inara sighed. "I don't even really want to pick up clients anymore. I'm an old maid by Companion standards. Two-thirds of the girls my age are happily married and the other third work in the Academies teaching, or are running the Houses."

"You're twenty-seven," Zoe scolded knowing she had almost a decade on the young Companion.

"That's like a hundred in Companion years," Inara sniffled.

Zoe rolled her eyes. "So instead of House Priestess or teaching, you're going out to pasture for your last few years as a stowaway on an illegal transport ship?"

"Well it sounds silly when you put it like that," Inara frowned.

"So what is it you're thinking of doing?" Zoe questioned. "You just turn in your membership card or something?"

"My status is undoubtedly probationary considering how inactive I've been. I'd probably have made it official a long time ago, but it could still be useful to us."

"It has been in the past," Zoe said, "having a respectable member of society on board."

Inara was chewing on her bottom lip uncertainly.

"Please tell me you're not worried that losing your status will mean Mal gives you the boot."

Inara's brief look told her Zoe all she needed to know.

"You can be so _yu bun duh_ sometimes," Zoe said with a sigh. "You've always got a place here, you know that."

"No!" Inara insisted. "I don't. I piss Mal off more than anything useful around here. What good am I without my status?"

"Okay, maybe you are losing your touch," Zoe smiled. "Companions don't have self-esteem issues."

"I know," Inara groaned in frustration. "I'm trying to un-complicate things and it just becomes more complicated."

"Okay, first," Zoe said. "If anyone were to get the boot, it'd be Harry. We only got room for one trouble magnet and he's giving the little one a run for her money. But anyways, listen, if you want, I know something you could do."

"Yeah?" Inara looked up hopefully.

"Shortly after the Captain bought Serenity," Zoe explained. "We'd already hired Bester as our supposed genius mechanic, and when he was trying to talk me into hiring the fool I'd later call husband, Mal was pitching to me about how all we need to keep flying and make our life in the sky was a mechanic, a pilot, and a cook. We ain't ever hired a cook."

"I can cook!" Inara said happily. "I'm not great but I finished fourth in my class at the Academy."

"You're better than you think," Zoe assured her. "But I'm only saying this to give your foolishness a purpose. We ain't getting rid of you, even if you are officially no more than a thief like the rest of us."

"Thank you Zoe," Inara said feeling more secure than she had. "Kaylee's been so emotional lately, it just reminded me how quickly things can change. And I think it was when we were plummeting towards certain death back on Earth-That-Was that I realized how much my home is on Serenity and with you guys."

"Of course it is," Zoe assured her.

Mal knocked on the door frame, peeking his head in. "Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all," Inara said smoothing down her dress and standing up to greet him. She paused and suddenly realized, "You… you knocked?"

"Sorry," Mal admitted with a grin. "Won't happen again."

"I'll leave you two alone," Zoe said getting up to leave.

"You don't have to," Mal moved out of the way as Zoe hurried past. "Okay."

Inara thought that was a particularly unsubtle quick exit but tried to keep the emotion off her face.

"She was in a bit of a hurry," Mal commented. "Something I should know about?"

"I…" Inara shook her head. "It's not important. What can I do for you?"

"Why are you being so nice?" Mal asked suspiciously.

Inara stiffened and retorted, "Why are you knocking?"

Mal paused and fidgeted. "Fair enough. Listen, I got a couple things I wanted to talk to you about, and they're prolly not gonna come out right."

"Oh boy," Inara mumbled.

"The thing is, I can't help but notice you've not had a whole lot of custo-," Mal stopped and corrected himself, "_clients_. And I know you've had plenty of opportunities back on Persephone and even here on Ariel."

"I didn't think you were a fan of Ariel," Inara commented, feeling a little worried on where Mal was going with this.

"There's good people to rob around here, and few you can poke with a stick," Mal commented thinking about his little duel with one of Inara's more notorious clients.

Inara was smiling, thinking back to how Mal stabbed Atherton Wing a couple extra times just for fun.

"But part of me wonders," Mal said knowing he was entering danger territory here. "You seem to be acting like you don't really want to be Companioning no more."

Inwardly, Inara began to panic.

"You ain't yelling at me yet?" Mal paused. "Alright, good sign. I just… I wanted you to know, that if you did decide to you know, _retire_, I…" Mal was trying to think of the right words. "I'd support that decision."

Inara resisted the urge to jump into his arms and thank him. "It'd be my decision, but, you know, if it means that much to you…" Inara coyly replied.

"Right," Mal said refusing to actually ask her to. "Anyways, the other thing was I got you something."

"You did?" Inara asked, always a fan of presents.

"Yeah, I did," Mal said lifting the invisibility cloak off the box he'd snuck in with him. "I thought maybe, with how you started just by renting our shuttle and doing business from Serenity that you might not feel quite as much one of the crew here as the others. And I wanted you to know that you are a part of this crew, as much as everyone else." Mal fumbled his way through the words and handed her the box.

Inara couldn't believe how wonderful Mal was acting. She was fighting back tears as she accepted the box. She accepted it and sat down with the box on her lap. She slowly lifted the lid off the top and her eyes widened as her jaw dropped. "It's… it's a gun."

"Nothing says Serenity like being armed when things get humped," Mal said.

"But a _gun_?" Inara repeated.

Mal winced.

"Did you pull it off a body or something?"

"No, no, I just bought it for you," Mal said. "It's inscribed and everything."

Inara took the gun out and was amazed at how light it felt. She saw 'Inara' was written in a calligraphic script up the handle.

"Flip it over," Mal said. "The other side too."

Inara moved the gun to her other hand and read the name 'Serenity' carved into the other side. She couldn't take it anymore as she started crying. She lunged onto Mal and hugged him tight enough to cut off his oxygen. She knew she was a mess and while she was thinking 'I hate guns,' the words that came out of her mouth were, "It's beautiful."

Mal had no idea the gun was going to be so well received. He was awkwardly patting Inara on the back and trying to calm her down. "Just wanted you to feel appreciated and have a little protection."

Inara's response was a little more wailing as she continued to squeeze Mal. Without thinking her left hand made a small squeeze of its own, and Inara managed to accidentally try out her gun for the first time.

"Whoa!" Mal said jumping back and aiming the gun away from him. "Were you trying to shoot me in the ass?"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Inara apologized profusely.

Mal was patting his bum, making sure he hadn't been hit. He took the gun from Inara's hand and clicked the safety back on, wondering when she may have released it. "I probably should have warned you, I'd loaded it and tested it briefly at the store."

"Oh thank you!" Inara said glad to have the gun out of her hand. She lunged back into Mal's arms and was hugging him again, trembling at the sheer amount of emotions she'd been going through.

"You're uhh, you're welcome," Mal said, getting used to the feel of Inara hanging onto him. "Although maybe I need to give you a few lessons on gun safety before you use that too much more."

Inara just laughed as Zoe came running back towards the shuttle.

"Did he shoot you?" Zoe demanded.

"Hey," Mal whined. "You got it the wrong way around. She almost shot me."

Zoe glanced at the ashamed looking Inara and commented, "Well I'll guess we'll need to work on her aim."

Mal rolled his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Zoe noted the redness indicating recent crying.

Inara nodded with a smile. "Just playing with my new gun."

"Your new-" Zoe stopped herself. "Sir?"

"Zoe?" Mal replied with a grin.

"Could I speak to you for a moment?"

"Yeah, I think we were done here," Mal said as he turned to follow Zoe out of the shuttle. "Weren't we?"

Inara nodded. "Yeah, I should probably figure out where that bullet went." She was looking around her shuttle in confusion. She saw a glimmer on the floor as the Captain and Zoe left. "Oh Mal, don't forget your invisibility cloak."

Mal popped his head back around and grabbed his cloak. "Thanks."

"Your cloak? Inara's gun?" Zoe questioned as they walked. "What the hell happened in the ten minutes I was gone?"

"Just wanted to remind her that she was a part of this crew," Mal explained. "Not just some tenant renting a shuttle."

"And so you got her a gun?" Zoe clarified, inwardly impressed at Mal's sense of timing.

"Well, I wanted to talk to her first," Mal said. "And I was worried she might not like to hear what I had to say, so I kept the gun hidden under the cloak, you know, in case she felt like shooting me."

"That," Zoe smiled and admitted, "while a good idea, sounds like maybe it didn't stop her from trying. And what in the 'verse possessed you to get her a gun?" Zoe knew Inara's distaste for guns, but wasn't sure if Mal did.

Mal shrugged and grinned back. "Seemed like the best way to make her feel like one of the crew."

"A gun?" Zoe questioned. "And how'd she take it?"

"She was a little surprised but when she saw the inscription, she started crying."

"_Lao tyen yeh_," Zoe cursed.

"Happy tears, _happy_ tears," Mal assured her. "She said it was beautiful, hugged me, thanked me, and fired a round off at my ass."

"You got it inscribed?" Zoe was impressed.

Mal nodded. "I didn't want her thinking I just _found_ the gun, or pulled it off a body."

Zoe narrowed her eyes at him thinking that sort of forethought sounded out of character for the Captain. "Harry?"

"I came up with the inscription!" Mal insisted not wanting the wizard to get all the credit for his good deed. "Harry was even impressed by it."

Zoe summed up her feelings on the situation, "More armed women are always a good thing."

* * *

"Book of Jayne," Jayne announced as he began to write. 

"Are you talking to me?" a bleary-eyed barely awake Jane stuck her head up.

"Go back to sleep, baby," Jayne said as he didn't want the interruption. "Daddy's got work to do."

"You're really full of yourself, aren't you?" Jane commented, as she began to rest her eyes.

"Don't worry, baby," Jayne said sharpening his pencil. "You can be really full of me too. There's enough to go around."

"Oh Merlin," Jane groaned without opening her eyes. "What have I done?"

"No one'll ever blame you for coming down with a case of the Jaynes," Jayne assured her. "Now seriously like, just go back to sleep. I need to focus on my concentration."

Jane just pulled the sheets closer and had rolled over facing the other way.

"Book of Jayne," He began again.

"What?" Jane asked in irritation.

"Shush!" Jayne scolded her and looked back into his journal. "Date, Number Double-D."

Jane couldn't take it and had to crack an eye open to watch Jayne write. She'd reluctantly admit he looked pretty cute when he furrowed his brow thinking deeply or what passed for deeply in Jayne Cobb's mind.

"Turns out… Harry's crazy… even by crazy's standards," Jayne slowly said the words as he wrote them.

Jane finally realized he was writing out loud to himself and she had to hold back a giggle.

"Found… more… freaks," Jayne said. "I… picked one… for me. She… is… hot."

Jane was hoping he was talking about her.

"Even…if… she talks too much," Jayne said and finished by stamping hard the period at the end of the sentence.

Jane rolled her eyes quite sure he was talking about her now.

"Bagged her… tagged her…" Jayne continued. "Think… I'm a gonna… throw her back… cuz… I wanna… catch her… again."

"You do know I can hear you, right?" Jane said unsure if she was insulted being compared to a fish or flattered that he wanted to 'catch her' again.

"Woman!" Jayne snapped at her, his focus and concentration now broken. "Do you need me to get you your own notebook to shut you up?"

Jane frowned and growled. "Yes, that's exactly what I need."

"Well…" Jayne paused not expecting that answer. "I don't have one."

"Hmmph."

"Actually," Jayne said jumping up from his chair. "Don't go nowhere."

Jayne hopped up out of his cabin and walked down to where Harry's was. Jayne walked right in, considering it was also the public bathroom. He pulled back the curtain around Harry's bunk and stuck his head in. "Hey Harry?"

"Jayne?" Harry said rubbing the crust from his eyes. He cast a _tempus. _"It's four in the morning."

"Way to tell time, Harry," Jayne cheered him on. "Listen, can you copy this for me?"

Harry accepted the hallowed Book of Jayne. "You need a permanent copy or a temp one? What exactly are you wanting here?"

"I just need another empty journal," Jayne said. "Jane wants to write too."

"Are you talking about yourself in the third person again?" Harry asked thinking it was a bit too early for this.

"Naw," Jayne said shaking his head. "This is for the Book of Jane, not the Book of Jayne."

Harry just looked up at Jayne. He then took notice of what Jayne was wearing. Or more specifically, not wearing, which in this case was neither a shirt nor pants. Harry silently was grateful there was at least underwear.

"Hmm," Jayne commented. "We might need to come up with a different name because Book of Jane sounds too much like Book of Jayne."

"Why don't you stop talking for a while," Harry said. He blearily recalled a duplication spell that would be permanent for inanimate muggle objects without a keyed counterspell. Harry cast the duplication making two identical Books of Jayne. "You'll need to tear out all the pages already written on, but this one will last."

"Thanks Harry!"

Harry just nodded and laid back down for more sleep. "Oh and Jayne? I like the little squirrels."

Jayne glanced down at his banana hammock and remembered when his Mom gave him these undies. "You shouldn't be looking, Harry," Jayne said shaking his head as he left Harry's bunk and hurried back to his own. "You shouldn't be looking."

Jayne re-entered his bunk and saw Jane hadn't moved from her place on his bed. Jayne ripped out all the used pages of the notebook Harry made, leaving only blank pages behind. He saw the scratched in title on the cover stayed the same, and fixed it to say what he wanted it to. "There you go. You got your own notebook. Now shush, woman."

Jane took the nearly identical looking notebook and chewed up pencil from Jayne. She looked down at the modified cover and read, "Book of Jayne's Jane?"

Jayne nodded with a grin.

Jane was once again, offended and flattered. "Thanks."

"You can thank me by shushing," Jayne commented as he opened his journal and got back to his writing.

Jayne took a deep breath and started back up. "Book of Jayne."

"Book of Jayne's Jane," she countered audibly.

Jayne looked up and thought he was being mocked.

Jane just smiled at him. She saw Jayne frowning at her harshly and she let the sheet covering her upper body fall.

Jayne's scowl disappeared and a goofy happy smile replaced it. He looked back down at his writing and was talking while he wrote. "I hope… Zoe's… not too hurt. But… maybe…" Jayne paused and was tapping his chin. He nodded and wrote decisively. "Threesome."

Jane was feeling more offended than flattered this time and tried to ignore him as she wrote at a much brisker pace than Jayne. "Turns out some boys get named Jayne. Got one. Bagged him. Tagged him. He's a bit of a pig, but he does wear tiny briefs with cute squirrels on them."

Jayne snickered, looking up from his writing.

"Shush," Jane snapped at him harshly.

Jayne gulped and quickly looked down in meek obedience.

Jane went back to her writing. "I think maybe I should stop writing and bag him again."

Jayne looked up hopefully. "Okay."

Jane shut her book and put off to the side. "So whose turn is it to be Tarzan?"

Jayne shut the Book of Jayne and carefully put in back into his bedside drawer. He began beating on his chest and taking full advantage of the silencing wards Harry had setup. He let out his savage roar and called, "Me Tarzan, you Jane!"

* * *

Harry had talked to Digdug and Ripruck. Harry had finished outlining a rough plan with all the wizards. Harry had talked to Duncan and gotten him working on a few things they may need. Kaylee had finished getting all the catalyzer coupling reg shock covers stripped and fitted back in. Serenity was humming and running as good as she ever had. And all the crew had been approached beforehand, most of them by River, with the obvious exception of one. It was time to talk to Mal. 

Inara was in the kitchen, demonstrating her culinary expertise for Zoe and Mal. Harry came in with River following right behind.

"Harry!" Mal greeted with a smile. "There you are."

"Something up, Captain?" Harry asked looking at the others for help.

"I don't know," Mal replied. "Is there?"

Harry saw no one else seemed to know what was going on.

"I been getting the feeling you've been ignoring me the past couple of days," Mal explained. "Something on your mind, Harry? You got any idea where the wizards need to go next?"

Harry sat down across from Mal and shook his finger at him. "Your skills of observation and perception are top notch, Captain. You sure are sharp, aren't you?"

"Oh dear," Mal's smile faded into a look of worry. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"

"Would you like something to drink?" River offered. "Firewhiskey, perhaps?"

"No," Mal said slowly shaking his head. "I think I'd like some answers. What's going on?"

Harry nodded and tried to act cheerful. "Great news, Captain. We think we may have located a magical planet."

Mal just nodded, saying nothing.

"So you know, the wizards may be out of your hair pretty soon here," Harry explained.

Mal just sat there not moving, waiting for whatever ugliness was coming.

"That's good news, right?" Harry said, looking at River for help.

Mal sat there unresponsive.

River blurted out, "It's Miranda."

Mal's eyebrows rose but he made no other movement to answer.

"I know what you're thinking," Harry said. "Okay, I don't. But I can guess and it's not as bad as it sounds. We've got wizards here. We've got all sorts of plans and contingency plans. We've been researching all about the Reavers and you know I wouldn't even suggest this if there were any other options. Or if I thought the risk was too high."

Mal's face hadn't budged other than the occasional flare of his nostrils, indicating he was still breathing.

"Captain?" Harry asked curiously after several seconds of uncomfortable silence. "You okay?"

Mal tilted his head up and looked at Harry. "So let me get this straight. You seem to think Miranda is a magical planet. And you seem to think that we are going to fly there. And you seem to think that the risk isn't too high. That sound about right?"

"Err…" Harry paused.

"Yup," River answered quickly.

"And you're okay with this?" Mal asked looking at River.

River nodded with a small frown.

"Zoe?" Mal questioned.

Zoe nodded.

"Inara?"

She nodded too.

Mal stared at Harry and was watching him squirm under Mal's gaze. "Have you run this past everybody but me?"

Harry warily opened his mouth but River once again interrupted him, "Yup."

"There's no other way around this?" Mal verified. "This is something we _have_ to do?"

Harry slowly nodded, uncertain what to make of this thoughtful Mal.

Mal took a deep breath and let it out. "Okay," he nonchalantly agreed with a bob of his head.

"Really?" Harry asked in surprise.

Mal raised a curious eyebrow. "Do you want to convince me otherwise?"

River reached over and smacked Harry in the back of the head.

"No," Harry said before snapping a glare at River. "And _oww_!" He turned back to the Captain. "Sorry, sir. I just… you know what? I'm thinking I really should shut up now."

"No, you really shouldn't," Mal said. He turned to Inara. "How are those noodles coming?"

"Cooling now," Inara said. "You want a bowl?"

"Please," Mal said with a grin. He turned back towards Harry. "But you all need to tell me more about these plans and contingency plans."

"Right," Harry explained. "Okay, so from your experiences and the Alliance records on Reavers we know they prefer to be in the air and are unlikely to be on the planet. So the primary issue is mainly going to be getting past them. And much like you all disguised Serenity and just floated right through them, we're going simply disillusion the ship. We'll have several wizards on standby, prepared to cast group shields, which with only half a dozen people can completely surround all of Serenity. We'll be invisible and quiet, and as long as we don't physically crash into them, they'll never even know we were there."

Mal was slowly eating his noodles, and listening to Harry.

"The diversions," River added.

"Oh right," Harry said. "We can also use the shuttles, with a couple wizards protecting them, and the shuttles disillusioned. A few well-placed blasting curses or grenades and any ships that get hit, will only see other Reaver ships around. We could get them fighting each other, a ways away from Serenity making our silent invisible path even easier."

"What about Frank?" Mal asked. "He's a lot smaller and faster. You think he'd be willing to help you out?"

Harry shrugged. "I got a wave back from him. He's probably four weeks out still and the risks with him would be the same risks with Serenity. In terms of speed, he's really not any faster unless he can get the hyperdrive going, which is kinda pointless on the distances we're talking about. He's headed back this way now, and he's gonna swing by Duncan pick us up some supplies."

"You really think Miranda's a magical planet?" Mal questioned. "You think it's the sort of place you been looking for?"

Harry winced and shrugged. "You know our luck. You think there's any chance it's not?"

Mal harrumphed. "Good point."

"You realize what is on Miranda though, don't you?" Zoe asked, not particularly wanting to imagine the horrors there.

"Umm…" Harry looked over at River.

"She means the thirty million rotting corpses," River explained matter-of-factly.

"Oh," Harry said nodding in understanding. "Right, well, once Digdug tells the rest of the goblins that it is in fact a magical planet, and capable of supporting magical life, the goblins are going to move in, begin working on fortifying locations, setting up goblin wards for safety, and cleaning up the bodies."

"Well, that's helpful," Mal admitted with a grimace.

Harry nodded. "They've got stronger stomachs, more numbers, and are probably harder workers than us anyway."

"What do we need to do before we go?" Mal asked looking between River and Harry.

"We're all set and ready now, Captain," River answered and stood up. "Shall I?"

"Go ahead," Mal nodded. "We got a five day flight, don't we?"

"Yup," Harry answered while River headed off towards the bridge for takeoff from Ariel.

Mal was finishing off his bowl of noodles and asked, "You said Frank's picking up supplies from Duncan? What sort of supplies you need that you couldn't have picked up around here?"

"Actually Jayne gave me the idea," Harry said. "He was talking about the net that Mel tried to send you through."

Mal looked at Harry in concern.

"Considering how many of the Reaver ships run without containment," Harry explained. "A way to turn them into floating metal boxes might be real useful, especially if we can hide the net from view of the Reavers. We'll know where it is and can lead them right into it."

"I thought we were going to be completely avoiding them," Mal commented. "Not trying to get them to chase us."

Harry smiled weakly at the Captain. "You're right. Good point. That is definitely the plan for getting to Miranda. But once we're there…"

"I thought we were done with you tiptoeing around the bad news," Mal grumbled and looked at Harry for an explanation.

"Yeah," Harry glancing at Inara and Zoe who hadn't heard this yet either. "The thing is… well… Fullerton thinks he can cure the Reavers."


	34. CHAPTER THIRTY THREE: Leave it to Reaver

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE – Leave it to Reaver**

"You hate me, don't you?"

Harry wisely just shut up and let the Captain blow off a little steam.

"Have I wronged you horribly?"

Harry chewed on his lip and tried to ignore the wide eyed stares of Inara and Zoe while Mal continued to vent.

"Don't look at me like I'm the one being childish."

Harry made the mistake of not completely preventing a chortle from escaping the back of his throat.

Mal turned to Zoe. "You all heard that, right? I can shoot him now, can't I?"

"Did you sleep with Jayne?" Inara inquired, basing her justifications for shooting Harry on previous secondhand experience.

"I'm well aware how ridiculous the idea of curing Reavers sounds to you," Harry finally spoke up. "And to be honest, I'm not exactly sold on the idea myself. But we got four and a half days of flight to either hear Fullerton plead his case, or convince him otherwise."

"Since when is he the boss around here?" Mal asked forcefully.

"He's not," Harry assured him, not wanting to fracture his already tenuous relationship with the Captain. "But he's convinced me that it's probably worth a try."

"Have you ever actually seen a Reaver?" Zoe questioned. "The only cure for that is a bullet."

Harry winced but didn't disagree. "I know full well how barbaric, vicious, and dangerous they are. But according to records, these were perfectly normal innocent victims of a horrible reaction. There are real genuine people buried in there, essentially slaves to impulses, unwilling guinea pigs of a government playing God."

Mal looked over at Inara and Zoe as he finally seemed to accept that Harry was truly serious in this.

"Our motives for helping them are not completely selfless either," Harry explained. "I mean yes, if it's possible to help them, then that is the right thing to do. But they provide us a great opportunity as well. Assuming Miranda is what we think she is, then we've got the start of a brand, spanking new wizarding world and only a handful of old wizards here. The Reavers, if they can be helped, are thousands of people without a home, potentially ready to start a new life, and more specifically carriers of the one gene we need settlers to have if we're going colonize a magical planet."

Harry saw he'd caught some of their attention and continued. "The M-gene it appears is down to being present in only one in every thousand, or a tenth of percent, if you trust those numbers. Locating enough of a population to actually have a decent society of magical people giving birth to magical babies would be practically impossible without many generations, which is one thing we don't really have. If we could help the Reavers, Miranda would have a halfway decent population of people and within a single generation could have hundreds, maybe thousands of new wizards and witches.

"They represent a golden opportunity. And it just so happens that they are innocent victims in all this needing help. The fact that they may have a healthy dislike for the Alliance, we can just call a bonus. Part of rebuilding the wizarding world is that we would need to start with keeping it a secret from the general population, and Miranda and the Reavers are already the perfect cover with a vast restricted airspace. These people are dead according to everyone else in the 'verse. No one wants to come around here, and the only ones who might, would be the families of the people the Reavers used to be."

"And more people with the M-gene," Zoe said understanding the value of the situation.

Harry nodded.

"That's all well and good," Mal retorted. "But we're still talking about Reavers here. You know, half a dozen can wipe out an entire town overnight? These ain't just sick people you give your magical medicine to."

"Fullerton's been studying all about them, and all about the Pax," Harry explained. "And this is one of those situations where a careful wizard can subdue them with far less risk using magical means. We can lock them in place or we can knock them unconscious with a single snap of a wand, without ever harming them."

"I don't think you really understand just what you're talking about," Mal said. "They move faster than you'd think and all it takes is one to break free of your little magical hold to slaughter half a dozen people, before you realize what's going on."

"I'm not looking to put anyone at risk," Harry said. "Like I said, I'm not completely convinced on this idea either. And there's no question, our safety is paramount. Any that cannot be subdued will be exterminated immediately. The hope of saving a bunch of Reavers isn't worth a serious risk to any single person's life, but magic is an advantage that they cannot match."

Harry snapped his fingers and all three, Mal, Inara, and Zoe, were frozen exactly in place completely unable to move or blink. "Reavers use force." Harry snapped his fingers again and released them all. "But they can't fight this."

"Harry," Mal said hesitantly. "I told myself, you'd earned your place here. That we all were well-off enough and clear of a great many things in large part because of you and Mr. Universe. I figured you'd need our help on some cockamamie scheme but this… this is suicide."

Harry opened his mouth to argue but the Captain stopped him. "You said the hope of saving Reavers isn't worth a serious risk, but any time, _any time_ you're dealing with Reavers, you're dancing with the devil. Period. This ain't no slippery slope here, this is a ticking rutting time bomb."

"The fact that you're even asking this of us…" Mal sighed. "Makes me think you don't get it or we don't get it, or more likely neither of us get it."

Harry nodded in understanding. "Captain, I…" Harry sighed. "I'm a wizard thinking about what's best for saving and restoring the wizarding world here. My natural inclination is that it's worth my life and every other wizard's life to save it. It's not your world, and I'm not asking this of you. Not yet."

"But you will," Mal added.

Harry looked at Zoe and Inara. He thought about it and could only shrug. "I don't know yet. The crew member and friend to you all side of me isn't convinced yet, but the magic in me isn't just a gift. It's a responsibility."

"You don't owe magic anything," Inara softly argued.

Harry smiled sadly at her. "It's all about how you feel. Without my magic, would I be this healthy at 154? Or is it 155 now? Would I even exist now after a 384 year nap without magic? It don't take much to believe there's more to life than simply living it. Gotta be some kind of reason I'm at this place and at this time, you know?"

"You a believer now?" Zoe asked curiously.

Harry shook his head. "I'm not talking about a higher power, just a magical one. Those are two very different things. And something tells me I wouldn't be the first to feel this way about Miranda."

"That was different," Mal snapped. "Don't compare that to this. We never woulda done that if we'd known what we were gonna find."

"You know that's not true," Harry argued. "I think I know what kind of man you are, Sergeant Reynolds. You may not have done things exactly the same, but you wouldn't have walked away."

Mal decided he'd heard enough. He turned and did just what he was told he wouldn't, walk away. He didn't even look back as he last said, "Don't tell me what kind of man I am."

Harry smiled weakly at Inara and Zoe. "Well, he didn't shoot me. That's a good thing, right?"

Zoe glanced at Inara. "You still needing to practice your aim?"

"Hey now," Harry interrupted. "I considered keeping my mouth shut until we got to Miranda and my mind was made up one way or the other. I just figured we might need the time in the sky to convince Fullerton he's dangerously psychotic and not just psychotic. Or for the wizards to convince you not to ditch us on that _cursed_ planet."

Inara smiled sadly at Zoe. "If he keeps making bad puns at the wrong time, someone will shoot him."

"Fine, fine," Harry agreed. "Not exactly the most proper use of levity. But here's the deal, I'm going to get Fullerton and he's going to pitch his entire theory, understanding, and explanation to all the crew. That includes me, because I haven't made up my mind yet."

"It sure sounds like you have," Zoe warned.

Harry nodded and winked. "Well, if I was wavering would you ever even consider something this ludicrous sounding on the outside?"

"I gotta tell you Harry," Inara admitted. "I find myself agreeing with Mal right now. If that's not sending up red flags to you on the badness of this idea, then I don't know what will."

"I know, I know," Harry chuckled wondering if Inara and Mal might start agreeing a lot more often soon. "Just please, I'm not saying forget what Reavers are or have done, just try to have somewhat of an open mind about this. And see if you can't cool Mal down a bit. I got the feeling if I wasn't a wizard he woulda punched me back there."

"He doesn't care if you're a wizard," Zoe said getting up. "He'll punch you when he's sure you deserve it."

"I'll get Fullerton and probably Longbottom," Harry instructed. "As well as Jayne, the Doc, and Kaylee. You two get Mal and meet us on the bridge in an hour. Think you can handle that?"

"What about River?" Zoe inquired.

"She's up there piloting now," Harry answered. "This way we can keep an eye on where we're heading."

"I meant taking on Reavers, curing them," Zoe amended. "You said you couldn't cure her, but you could help her. How's she gonna feel about curing those monsters when she's supposedly incurable?"

"River will be fine," Harry answered. "I've seen how she dealt with Reavers."

"You think she'll be up for this?" Inara asked getting up to follow Zoe.

Harry glanced over the portrait of his wife and sighed. "I'd be shocked if she wasn't."

* * *

Mal was standing up on the catwalk looking at all the wizards below. He'd been introduced to most, remembered a couple of names, but couldn't identify with them at all. Even without the entire world of magic separating them, there were centuries and completely different ways of life. 

Both had spent a lot of time in spaceships, but for very different reasons. Mal was wondering whether these were people he should get to know better or cargo he should cut loose as soon as possible. He knew just about everyone else on his crew had made a number of friends among them, and Jayne was quite proudly schtupping the young woman he'd claimed the first night he saw her. Mal got the feeling that if he knew the wizards better, he'd be more inclined to help them with their marginally insane plans. But right now his ability to think of the people he was truly responsible for first was more important than making new friends.

"Sir?" Zoe said as she and Inara approached Mal on the catwalk.

Mal turned and saw the two women. "Are you two Harry's emissaries?"

"He wants us all on the bridge in about an hour," Zoe said as she moved to stand next to Mal and watch the wizards below.

Mal turned back around and went back to his people watching. "Of course he does."

Inara decided to mirror the other two and leaned forward to observe the others.

The trio watched in relative silence before Mal asked, "You're not here to tell me how we should trust Harry on this one? How he's not let us down yet? Well, too much anyway."

Inara shook her head. "I don't care who Harry is. This is a headache that shouldn't be ours."

Mal raised a curious eyebrow. "Reverse psychology?"

"Don't be so defensive," Zoe argued without even looking at him.

Mal glanced over at his first mate and knew when she snapped at him, it was usually for a good reason. "So what do you two make of this?"

Zoe looked down at them. "Not sure why their problems have to be ours."

Mal and Inara both turned to listen to her.

"Don't get me wrong," Zoe said. "Harry's a friend, if he's got a problem, we'll help him. But these people basically didn't exist a couple weeks ago. Is this something we should even be involved in?"

"Harry's a client," Mal said. "This is our cargo. He's paying us to house 'em for a bit. And now apparently paying us to take them to Miranda."

"Harry's not just a client," Inara said. "He's crew and a friend. We wouldn't be having this discussion for a _client_."

Mal had to agree with that. "So what then? Do we take them to Miranda, wish them well, and get the hell out of there?"

"As opposed to seeking out Reavers?" Zoe clarified. "Do you guys honestly think these wizards can cure Reavers?"

Mal shook his head. "Who says Reavers want to be cured?"

"Even if the wizards can defend and capture Reavers, maybe even cure them," Zoe commented. "That still doesn't tell me why it's our problem. I mean if they can pull that much off, are we just gonna be getting in their way?"

Mal sighed. "Who else they got? Who else has ever even been to Miranda?"

The three of them settled into a comforting silence. Inara said, "For what it's worth, I found out I'm a fully accredited member of the Companion Guild and will remain that way, even if I never help another client as long as I live."

"How'd you manage that?" Mal said with a grin.

Inara smiled weakly. "Surprise, it was Harry." She saw the confused looks from Mal and Zoe and explained, "His gold star status means the Guild is basically indebted to him. Apparently, he requested that I be officially assigned to him full-time and they agreed."

"What exactly does that mean?" Mal asked warily. "He's not expecting anything from you, is he?"

Inara shook her head. "He did it months ago and never even told me. I don't think he even knows that I know. He's just doing me, actually us, a favor."

Zoe smirked and added, "He's doing it for his tea."

Inara smiled back and realized, "You know that very well might be the reason. I lose my status and he loses his tea hook-up."

"So what are we looking forward to on the bridge?" Mal asked turning around to face the two women.

"If I were to take a guess," Inara said, "a logical argument for a questionably suicidal risk."

* * *

"I suppose I should preface myself with a preemptive apology," Fullerton began. "I have reviewed hours of video and discussed Reavers to a limited degree with a few of you. It is clear their ferocity and madness cannot be described, only experienced. So I'm speaking from primarily a scientific background here. I do not wish to belittle any sacrifices or hardships any of you have endured." 

"We get the picture," Mal interrupted fearing how long this was going to take.

"Yes, thank you Captain Reynolds," Fullerton nodded. "Usually Algernon reminds me when I begin to ramble, but please, anyone feel free to stop me at any moment. If you have any questions, concerns, or are lost, don't be shy. Our goal here is for everyone to understand the potential of the situation."

Algernon cleared his throat and rolled his eyes.

"Oh right," Fullerton said realizing he was beginning to ramble again. "Now a lot of this is purely conjecture and theories, not many verifiable facts, merely extrapolations of what we do know and a bunch of best guesses."

Harry glanced around at the skeptical looks on people's faces and thought if this was something they were really going to do, then they had a lot of convincing to go.

"I suppose the story starts back a little before 2506," Fullerton began. "Several of the Core planets were united together under the Central Interplanetary Treaty. They had decided a singular universal government ruling over all the planets, was in the best interests of mankind. In the past, wars between countries meant imaginary lines of ownership were redrawn. But now, wars between _planets_ meant the destruction of necessary resources and genocide on scales never before seen."

"Are we getting a history lesson?" Jayne whispered to Mal, who just shrugged.

"If one planet's rule challenged another, an attack on the elements manufactured in terraforming meant you could wipe out the whole planet, by denying them things like artificial sunlight, heat, or oxygen. A singular ruling body could prevent that and the initial plans for the Alliance were drawn up. Yes, Miss Frye?"

"Kaylee, please," Kaylee corrected him as she lowered her arm. "I thought the Miranda problems happened before the creation of the Alliance?"

"Yes and no, Kaylee," Fullerton corrected. "I believe these are all tied together. What the government had decided was that if they were to formally announce and create the Alliance, then a large number of the less civilized planets further out on the rim would take exception to being given a brand new boss, if you will. They expected them to rise up and fight for their independence, which was obviously a very accurate expectation. So what they did was they attempted to create a drug that would lower people's aggressive tendencies, in turn making more responsive to suggestion and compromise, and generally reducing their willingness to revolt."

Mal hadn't particularly given it much thought but found himself agreeing with Fullerton's theories so far.

Fullerton continued. "I'm not sure of course, but I suspect their plan was for all future terraforming and border planets to include this drug into the atmosphere. Perhaps even use it across the 'verse in all planets. In a small enough dose, becoming a more peaceful society would lower a vast number of risks, but at the expense of passion and emotion. And I assume most of us would take issue with the ethical implications of such a drug.

"Whether they planned to use it on every planet or just those most likely to resist the Alliance, I don't know. But they had some of their foremost scientists design, develop, and create this drug, a very mild mind-altering substance that would inhibit aggression.

"Miranda, a planet that had just recently been settled and was considered far enough out on the rim, became the first large scale test run. I'm sure you all know how that worked out. But when the governments realized what they had done, and what had happened, they knew they had to act fast. News of this experimentation would destroy the Alliance before it ever even officially started. So rather than try and hide what would become the most dangerous story in the news, they moved their primary plan forward and created bigger news: the public announcement of the Union of Allied Planets. I wouldn't even be surprised if they actually altered the formal details of the Anglo-Sino Alliance to make it worse for border planets, thus inciting those not in the Core to resist and form the Independents."

"You're saying they _wanted_ to fight the Unification War?" Zoe clarified.

Fullerton shrugged. "If the original Allied charter had been fair, and all the planets agreed then the news wouldn't have lasted five years nor would it have buried the story of Miranda beyond memory. The government claimed terraforming didn't hold, a few settlers died, and the planet was uninhabitable. An unfortunate accident away from the battles isn't important in comparison to thousands of deaths as the Alliance fought the Browncoats. By the time anyone may have started asking the right questions about Miranda, they already had a stranglehold on the entire power structure and information source. Unification Day ensured totalitarian control over the press, the history books, everything. That's why the secret of Miranda stayed buried for so long."

"We fought a war we couldn't win simply because they needed a cover-up?" Mal inquired.

"No, not at all," Fullerton corrected. "Do not misunderstand me. You fought because you believed in your freedom, and would not accept people on the other side of the 'verse telling you how to live your life and what you could do in your own homeland. I'm merely postulating that it was in _their_ best interests to fight the war and drag it out for several years, rather than simply concede points and interests that they may have been planning to concede all along."

Simon glanced around and added, "This is interesting conjecture about some of the Alliance's motives, but what does this have to do with out current situation?"

"Oh sorry," Fullerton corrected. "It is not directly relevant, just some background for understanding what they were attempting to do when they created G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate. Because I'm almost positive the drug works exactly as it was designed to."

"What?" Jayne yelped. "You mean they intentionally created Reavers?"

"Oh heavens no," Fullerton quickly corrected. "No, I'm sorry, that came out all wrong. What I meant to say was that the drug was intended to muffle aggressive tendencies and weaken the strength of people's resolve on a very limited scale. And I believe that it worked perfectly in the labs it was created in, and on the subjects they tested it on. No, the problem was not with the Pax, the problem was the inclusion of an element they never could have known about."

"Magic," Inara stated, guessing the obvious.

"Precisely," Fullerton explained. "In this case, the problem was most likely Miranda, which we believe to be a magical planet. Had they introduced the Pax on any other planet or any other place, then it would have worked exactly as planned. If I were to guess there's only one other known planet in the universe where Reavers could ever be accidentally created."

"Earth-That-Was," Kaylee said catching on.

"Correct," Fullerton agreed with a nod. "I remember when we first left the original planet at the end of the twenty-second century a number of common medical practices and drugs had vastly different and unexpected reactions. Doses that used to be standard were occasionally far stronger or far weaker than they should have been.

"The differences were noticed on the ride over and were assumed to be the result of living in the metroships. Once we'd settled on the new planets, the necessary alterations remained consistent. Since then, the popular theory has always been that the differences in reactions were due to the absence of the sun our physiologies had adapted and evolved to."

"And you think that's because of magic, not an effect of the sun?" Simon clarified, having remembered the explanations in his history classes at the MedAcad on Osiris.

"Yes, I believe it is definitely possible that an environmental effect on a _non-magical_ planet has the potential for inducing a completely different response than an environmental effect on a _magical_ planet with all other components remaining constant. It's just not a situation we'd ever considered or encountered before, but it makes sense," Fullerton explained.

Algernon nodded. "Ever since the exodus from Earth, the only planets you've ever dealt with have been non-magical. Once the necessary changes to chemical and biological reactions were rediscovered and calibrated, there was no way to compare Earth against the new planets. And the new planets maintained the same altered effects as on the ride over."

"But the Pax was a massive, environment affecting drug introduced into the air and atmosphere," Fullerton continued. "Magic is like life in that it seeks out equilibrium in things, and it tries balance out effects, particularly something as major as a complete change to the air and atmosphere."

"Wait a second," Jayne said scrunching up his eyebrows. "Are you saying _magic_ made the Reavers?"

"Not exactly," Fullerton replied. "If you're looking to assign blame, then I suppose it would be Miranda that made the Reavers."

"Bitch," Jayne mumbled.

"Wizards have always had slight differences from muggles, simply due to the presence of magic. Many illnesses are less likely to afflict magical people, like most forms of cancer, but a common cold they can catch just as easily. Of course their much longer life spans are due to the magic within them. It's not unlike having an immune system for your immune system."

"You're healthier, live longer, I get it," Mal said. "Do I need to understand anything else in that?"

Fullerton shook his head. "No, that's the gist of it. But that's a big part of why we are different. The M-gene itself doesn't make us all that different; it's the M-gene that facilitates the differences, usually through the presence of magic. That's why the adverse reaction to the Pax was not a result of the M-gene, it was the planet introducing an alternate environmental effect and the only people susceptible to the planet's response were those with the M-gene."

Jayne raised his hand. "You lost me there."

"Okay," Fullerton tried again. "This isn't quite right but will illustrate the point I'm trying to make. Let's say the Pax put thirty million doses of mild anti-aggression into the air for the thirty million people there, right?"

Jayne smiled and flashed a thumbs up following him so far.

"Now, on a magical planet, nearly everything, even the air, contains some measure of magic. Since there's a mild anti-aggression in the air that is new to the environment, the magic will try to create a balance."

"Magic can do that?" Jayne asked curiously.

"Taken literally, that's not exactly…" Fullerton said, noticing he was losing Jayne he quickly amended, "For the purposes of this explanation, yes."

Jayne nodded and gave another thumbs up.

"So the magic is then creating a mild _aggression_ into the air, to balance out the mild anti-aggression the Pax represented," Fullerton explained. "Now the drug was designed for there to be a mild anti-aggression in the air, so it mutated and evolved the strength to increase it to a point where there were… say 10 particles per thousand of anti-aggression. Magic keeps going until say there are 100 aggression particles countering 110 anti-aggression ones, thus ensuring the equilibrium of ten anti-aggression the drug intended. You all still following me?"

"How much is ten particulars per thousand?" Jayne asked with his hand in the air.

"It's a measure of the volume of the drug in the air," Fullerton explained. "I just made up that number though. We don't know the actual measurements."

"Okay," Jayne nodded. He paused a moment and tried asking, "Then how much is a hundred?"

"We don't actually know any measurements," Fullerton repeated slower looking straight at Jayne. "I just said ten and one hundred so you'd have a point of reference. Okay?"

"Yes," Jayne nodded.

"Are you just saying that?" Harry questioned wondering why Jayne was smiling.

"I don't know the actual answer to that," Jayne replied uncertainly. "I just made that up too."

"Magic made the Pax a lot stronger," Harry explained simply.

"Got it," Jayne said and nodded to Fullerton. "Go ahead."

"Thank you, Mr. Potter. Yes, our theory is that the drug's reaction to a magical planet was an unexpectedly significant increase in potency. But now here is where the differences of having the M-gene mattered. Those without the gene, and therefore, ability to interact with whatever piece of magic made this happen were then inundated with the increased anti-aggression levels, and in turn they received none of the increased aggression to counter it, resulting in the tragic deaths of 99.9 percent of the population."

"So magic killed them," Mal stated simply.

"I was going with Miranda for now, but you could argue for magic just as easily as Miranda, or the Pax, or the Alliance." Fullerton said with a wince. "But here's where the flip side of the chemical reaction happens. Magic isn't quite the same as biology and science, so the increased aggression in the air wasn't simply just floating around balancing the anti-aggression. That's a piece of magic and it had to latch onto something. Our theory is that it went to one of the only places it could, the people who were responding to the aggression and not just the anti-aggression. This is why those people with the M-gene received a more potent anti-aggression from the Pax crossed with Miranda and but also a more potent aggression multiplied by a thousand from the environmental balance."

Algernon added, "Hence super-aggressive tendencies and so many chemical reactions to those areas of the brain that normal brain activity can't even continue."

"Resulting in the slaves to instinct and impulse for rage and anger," Fullerton continued. "I wouldn't be surprised if their brains cannot even process standard stimuli or go through any sort of critical thinking. Only the most base of instincts and responses can get through: hunger, adrenaline, a desire to hunt. On an instinctual level, they are capable of semi-normal things like flying a ship, but only because it leads them towards prey."

"So the planet made most people so lazy they died," Jayne attempted to summarize. "And it made the rest of the people a thousand times as crazy as the others were lazy?"

Fullerton seemed to frown but thought for Jayne's purposes that would do. "Close enough, yeah."

"So you've got a theory that sounds viable enough on how Reavers came to be and how they tick," Zoe clarified. "And now you think you can whip up some magical solution to fixing their heads?"

Fullerton shook his head. "We don't need to. If these assumptions are right, curing them will be quite simple."

"And how's that?" Mal questioned not in the mood for guessing games.

"The scientists already have," River answered.

"The Pax?" Simon asked already knowing the answer.

"Exactly," Fullerton nodded. "The Pax works, it always has. But without an understanding of magic and how it could be a factor, you would never be able to determine what went wrong when they introduced it to Miranda's air. You'd never know why and how so many varied reactions were differing from every test they'd done previously."

"You're going to need a really high concentration of it," Simon mused. "At least a thousand times what was introduced to the Miranda air."

"It actually won't be that difficult nor dangerous to anyone else," Fullerton explained. "We're going to be administering the Pax intravenously, rather than diluting it into the air."

"The exact dosage will only be discovered through experimentation," Algernon said. "But essentially, we need only capture a Reaver, inject their bloodstream with liquid Pax, and observe how aggressive it makes them, raising and lowering the concentration until we get them within standard levels."

"If we can medically or magically figure out an easy way to specifically monitor the chemical levels, that'd be of course preferred," Fullerton commented.

"You're planning on curing the Reavers," Mal said shaking his head in disbelief, "with the Pax."

"I can imagine how unconventional that may sound," Fullerton commented, "considering it was the Pax that indirectly led to the creation of the Reavers. But this is only a first step towards helping the victims here."

Algernon nodded. "Without actually trying or having one to examine, we have no way to know what sort of long-term memory capabilities Reavers are capable of."

Harry stood up and turned to the others. "If they manage to retain the memories of their actions as Reavers, then it's possible giving them the ability to think critically again may be doing more harm than good."

Fullerton continued, "Right now, we're guessing it's unlikely they'll remember everything, and the parts they do remember won't feel… normal. Without the ability to make conscious decisions or to have comprehension, then the most retention would be that of an out-of-body experience."

"As opposed to the _Imperius_ Curse, where you do have comprehension and understanding, just not free will," Algernon explained before noticing all the blank faces. "But you probably don't know that curse."

River smiled. "Harry uses it a fair amount."

Fullerton and Algernon gave Harry scandalized looks.

"Oh like you're gonna tell the Ministry or ship me off to Azkaban," Harry argued. "It's quicker and cleaner than compulsion charms and easier to do silently."

"Yes, well," Fullerton tried to get back on track. "Our hope is that once we stabilize their aggression, they won't remember much."

"We've got some options depending on what they want to do," Harry said.

"And if they want to die?" Mal asked seriously.

Harry winced, but had discussed this possibility with Fullerton and Algernon. "Then we'll offer them clean and simple ways to do that too. But the main thing is if we can leave that decision up to them, we're going to."

"If?" Inara asked curiously.

"Yes, if," Harry repeated. "We are not misunderstanding the danger that Reavers pose, and we want no one to hesitate to put them down. But if we can capture them and help them, then that's worth the effort and the risk."

"The idea of saving even only a thousand would be so much more helpful to the future of the wizarding world," Algernon explained. "And the situation is too fortuitous to pass up."

"Wouldn't getting people to settle again, give you the same thing though?" Kaylee asked. "I mean if you got… a million settlers then you'd still have a thousand people with the M-gene, right?" Kaylee considered the math and asked Simon, "Right?"

"The number of M-gene carriers would be the same," Fullerton answered. "But curing a thousand Reavers would be far more valuable than a million settlers."

"Huh?" Kaylee asked.

River jumped in, "With a million settlers, you can't tell them all about magic. And the vast majority of people won't benefit the wizarding world any. With a thousand Reavers, any and every family in the future will be magical. Everyone will know what's happened and there won't be any secrets about magic on the entire planet."

"Miss Tam is correct," Fullerton nodded. "Added to that fact is that the goblins outnumber the wizards and trying to hide their existence would prove troublesome."

"Oh yeah," Kaylee said. "Okay then."

"You sound like you guys have made up your mind," Mal said. "Harry? You made up your mind?"

Harry sighed and asked, "Fullerton, Algernon?"

"Take your time," Fullerton said. "We needed to talk to Digdug too. Thank you for hearing us out, Captain Reynolds. If any of you have any further questions, feel free to ask."

Fullerton and Algernon left the bridge to walk back towards the cargo bay and the rest of the wizards.

"Harry?" Mal repeated.

"Have I made up my mind?" Harry pondered the question. He frustratingly answered, "No, I haven't."

"Because all that planning sounded like a buncha minds' that have been made up," Mal commented.

Harry nodded. "This plan, this little presumptive course of action, has been decided on. This is what the wizards are going to try and do, but it's likely to change depending on just which assumptions turn out inaccurate."

"Err… Harry?" Jayne asked curiously.

"This is what the wizards need to do," Harry answered knowing what Jayne was confused about. "Their minds have been pretty much made up. I on the other hand haven't decided how much I'm going to help them, whether I even want to get you all involved any more than you already are, whether I should stay with them, whether I should go with you, or what."

"Do you not want our help?" Zoe inquired.

Harry shrugged. "There are maybe two guys who would know the first thing about piloting among the wizards. Buying a ship, making sure they knew what they needed to fly, would leave a couple of newbies who couldn't outmaneuver a Reaver in an aerial battle if they tried. And Fullerton would deem it a painful necessity to essentially kidnap, control, and manipulate another crew and ship. No one wants that simply because at the core of it, it's morally wrong but the ends justify the means and all that rot."

"You don't think anyone else would help you freely?" Inara asked.

"Me personally?" Harry answered. "Yeah, I might be able to call on a couple of friends like Monty or Duncan and all their people. But then we're talking about explaining magic again and trying to get them to understand our needs. All the potential risks and dangers would be the same, maybe even higher simply because you all have more experience with Reavers than anyone. Not counting the fact that you're the only people who've ever returned from Miranda."

"Would more hands make a difference?" Jayne asked.

Harry shook his head. "I doubt it. More wands might, but there ain't anymore folks like that in the 'verse I reckon."

"So what makes you think we'd be a help?" Mal retorted.

Harry said. "You got a ship, you got guns, you got pilots, you got a willingness to help me, you know about magic, you know about the wizards, you know about Miranda, and I trust you all more than anyone else." Harry smiled wanly and clarified, "Including when to tell me no."

"So if we told you to forget the wizards and let them deal with Miranda, you're saying you would?" Simon asked curiously.

Harry winced and replied, "I'm saying you're the only people whose opinion matters that much to me."

"Why?" River asked with a grin.

"Why what?" Harry asked not liking her vindictive smile.

"Why are we so important to you?" River stated. "You've known us, what, a handful of months? For someone who's lived for over century and a half, you've not even known us for a percent of your life."

"Fair enough," Harry admitted, seeing all the inquisitive looks they were giving him. "You all know roughly what my life was like before I took a nap. It was boring. And depressing. When I had Luna it didn't matter, but after she died, we'd relied on only each other for so long I didn't realize how distant I was from everyone else. Nearly all my friends, co-workers, and classmates had died, not that I even had a best friend or much of a confidant aside from my wife. And everyone I met knew me, had preconceptions of me, had an opinion of Harry Potter before I even knew their names. I didn't let it bother me too much… but I mean, putting myself to sleep is to take a very real risk of death, or never waking up. Healthy, happy people don't do that. Those wizards did it out of it necessity, because they want to save the wizarding world. My reasons were far more selfish."

"I thought you did it so you could do some good," Simon reminded, "where you could have Dark Lords to fight and all."

Harry shrugged. "Those reasons are as viable as the wizards' argument that helping to the cure the Reavers is because they're just innocent victims of an unfortunate experimentation the government is making no effort to help. While true, and perhaps one could convince themselves that way, it's the other motives that make it easier to justify the risk. The fact is the Reavers are a quick and easy way to jumpstart the wizarding world. And going to magical sleep gave me a chance to avoid my boredom and inability to deal with the life I'd made.

"It doesn't mean the other reasons aren't true, just that they're not the only ones. And they may or may not even be the ones that matter most to the wizards or in my case, me." Harry saw they were paying more attention to him than they had been Fullerton's explanation. He continued, "Anyways, when I woke up, I had a puzzle. I needed to figure out what happened and how I got here. I took a couple years, met some good folk, but not a lot of clues for my puzzle."

"Until you laid a wet one on River," Inara pointed out.

"Right," Harry nodded and chose to rephrase her comment, "Until I met you all."

"So why are we so much more special than the other good folk?" Kaylee asked coyly. "Or should I say who?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm speaking from the heart here. Do you really need to unsubtly needle me more?"

Kaylee just widened her eyes and continued to act innocently.

"Yes, helping River gave me purpose. You've all become very close friends and it's been wonderful here. I like it here. I don't wanna go," Harry said, his eyes shining with honesty. He took a deep breath and admitted, "But I don't want any of you hurt for a problem that shouldn't be yours to deal with."

"This is stupid," Mal said getting up to go. "Harry, your problems are our problems when we make them ours. Jayne's ma wasn't your problem, River's head wasn't your problem, Inara's status with the Guild wasn't your problem. All this schmaltzy talk is giving me a headache. Let's get to Miranda, and get this over with." Mal walked off the bridge shaking his head. "You're turning into a woman, Harry."

Harry couldn't help but smile. "I love you too, Captain."

Mal called out from down the hall, "You try to hug me and I'll shoot you."

"Seriously, Harry," Zoe got up to follow the Captain. "We just wanted to make sure you weren't trying to get us killed. You didn't have to get all emotional on us."

Harry just smiled as they all tiredly got up to leave.

"I think he was almost crying," Simon said to Kaylee, ignoring Harry as they walked past.

"I know. I'm the one who's supposed to be having mood swings," Kaylee wryly admitted, "the big baby."

"Pull yourself together man," Jayne added before stopping to ask seriously, "I can still shoot some Reavers, right?"

Harry chuckled. "I'll be asking Duncan to get us a bunch of tranquilizer guns, so yes, you'll get shoot some. We can practice on Simon if you like."

"Excellent," Jayne agreed, having decided he'd done enough thinking for the day.

Everyone had left the bridge leaving Harry alone with River.

"Not going to mock me for being a nancy boy?" Harry asked, settling himself into the co-pilot's chair.

River shook her head. "I think they covered it pretty well."

"You going to be able to handle this?" Harry asked her seriously, having not really talked to just River in a while.

"You're going to be there with me, aren't you?"

Harry smiled over at how vulnerable and childlike she sounded.

River saw Harry's face and started snickering. "You're such a sissy."

Harry grumbled and looked forward into the black. He was ready for some Reavers.

* * *

The tension in the air was rising. The past few days were nothing but anxiety and worry over what was to come. Four hours ago, River brought Serenity to a complete stop and killed her engines. They sat still in the black while Harry and Fullerton weaved both a disillusionment charm and muggle aversion charm onto the outside of the ship. They considered attempting a Fidelius Charm on the ship, but Serenity's mobility and the lack of anchored space to a planet, meant the charm probably wouldn't do anything. Or at least wouldn't act in the manner they'd hoped. 

Inara was with them in her shuttle while they attempted the spell work from the space just in front of Serenity. The disillusionment was acting up, flickering in and out, so they put on spacesuits and were going to do the spells from positions directly on the ship. Unfortunately, the muggle aversion kicked in while Harry and Fullerton were out in space and they could only watch in shock as Inara took off in the other direction.

Harry climbed his way back onto Serenity and explained what happened, and why Inara was struggling to come back, despite carrying on conversations with the crew. Mal and Harry hopped into the other shuttle and hunted her down. Harry boarded her ship, tied Mal's shuttle on, and flew them all back to Serenity.

It took a bit longer than expected, but the two charms were eventually successfully cast on Serenity. Harry cast separate disillusionment on both shuttles, just in case they were needed.

Eight wizards were positioned at strategic points throughout the ship and they had practiced casting pooled shields to cover the entirety of Serenity. Each wizard had a partner there to keep them company and take their place if need be.

River fired up the engines at less than half burn, and they carefully and quietly cruised the rest of the way towards Miranda. They knew they were getting close and had seen no signs of derelict ships, no signs of traffic, and no signs of Reavers.

The entire crew was crowded onto the bridge, looking out the windows, hoping to spot any signs of danger.

"How close are we?" Mal asked for the first time in over an hour.

"About ten minutes from Miranda," River answered.

"I don't like this," Mal grumbled feeling slightly nauseous with worry. "We've not seen anything."

"Where are they?" Jayne wondered aloud. "This place was crawling with them when we were this close last time, wasn't it?"

"Yes," Zoe replied. "We've been in the restricted air space for two hours now."

Harry sighed and began to play with his magic. He was pooling it in his hand, and then releasing it, letting it flow through his body, just to calm himself down. After a minute, he asked, "Do you think they went somewhere else?"

"Where would they go?" Jayne asked. "I thought they liked staying in space."

Harry shrugged. "The pickings in these areas have to be pretty slim especially considering this is restricted air and lack of travel. Could they have headed a few moons over?"

"I don't think so," River answered immediately.

"Why not?" Kaylee asked, noticing River's tone of voice.

"Because our radar just lit up like a Christmas tree," River replied.

Mal hurried over and looked at the sensors. "_Tyen-sah duh uh-muo_," he cursed. "They're there alright. Though it looks like they're a lot closer to the planet this time."

"Is that good or bad?" Harry asked.

"It's Reavers," Jayne answered. "It's probably bad."

"Slow us down, River," Mal ordered. "We don't want to attract any attention."

"You sure we're not going to show up on their sensors?" Mal inquired once more.

"They won't be able to identify us. They won't be able to lock onto us. And as long as we go slowly enough, they won't care," Harry replied. He quietly added to himself, "I hope."

"I heard that," Jayne mumbled back.

"There's no way to know what sort of ships or sensors they're using," Harry remarked. "We can mask the heat, we can mask the engine noise and emissions, but…"

Mal sighed and was looking at the screen. "There's an awful lot of 'em. You take it as easy and slow as you can, River."

"I'm on it," she agreed, setting the engines to a gentle coast. "We should have a visual."

"We got one," Simon said looking out the window with wide eyes.

"_Shee-niou_," Kaylee swore. "There _are_ a lot of 'em."

"I'm going try and fly under them," River commented as she steered Serenity into a slow gentle dive.

"Uhh," Simon glanced back. "It looks like they're moving."

"Which way?" River asked unable to tell significant shifting on her screen.

"Right at us," Simon answered.

Mal closed his eyes and looked down. He walked towards the two extra wizards just outside the doorway, "Fullerton, make sure your men are ready."

"We're ready, Captain," Fullerton assured him. "Say the word in the intercom and the shield will be up."

Mal nodded and turned back.

"Are you certain they can't see us, Harry?" River asked. "Because they sure look like they're moving the same directions we are."

"Have they fired at us?" Harry asked.

"No."

"Then I doubt they can see us," Harry answered.

The nervous anxious group slowly weaved their way through the first wave of Reaver ships idling in space and slowly roving the area.

"Just don't panic," Harry told everyone. He saw a flash of light indicating a shot aimed straight at their location. "Oh crap."

"River!" Mal snapped.

"Taking evasive action," River barked as she sharply turned the ship down and away. She tapped the thrusters and they burst out of the path of the cannon fire.

"Wait!" Harry called out, when he saw Mal was about to call for shields.

"What?" Mal asked hurriedly.

"You call for shields, and they will be visible," Harry replied. "The Reavers will see them for sure. Look!"

Mal turned to see where Harry was pointing. He noticed the Reavers ships weren't converging on their location, but rather shifting about in confusion.

"They've got some sort of sensors that picked up a general location, but they cannot see us," Harry explained. "That was just a test. Once we put up that shield, they will see us."

"Hang on folks," River called out as she again hit the thrusters and swerved them out of the way from another exploratory shot.

"River," Harry called out. "You see that big ugly ship, halfway up on your right?"

"Yeah."

"Take us up there and we'll hide under him," Harry suggested. "Give us a minute to regroup."

"On it," she replied and angled Serenity up towards the ship. River worked her way right underneath the massive floating behemoth that was easily three times the size of Serenity. She set the engines to idle, but kept her hand on the thrusters, just waiting.

"Why don't they want to run away from us the way I did?" Inara asked heatedly.

"You have to notice us, for the charm to make you want to go somewhere else," Harry answered. His mind was working furiously, as he continued, "But right now, I'm not sure those are even working on the Reavers."

"You got a plan here, Harry?" Mal asked, not particularly liking this situation.

"Yeah," Harry said. "It's time for the diversions. We take the shuttles out, get the Reavers fighting each other, and sneak on outta here in the mess that follows."

"Eep!" Kaylee yelped as River tapped the thrusters and Serenity lurched forward. River slammed on the brakes, ensuring they didn't move much.

"Sorry," River replied. "Another exploratory shot."

"They're firing again!" Simon yelled out.

"Not at us," River said shaking her head. "They're aiming at the ship above us."

"Ain't they running without containment?" Jayne asked as the blast slammed into the massive ship above them.

"SHIELDS!" Mal screamed into the intercom just as the Reaver warship hovering directly on top of them exploded in a brilliant flash of light.


	35. CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR: Just Like We

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR – Just Like We Planned**

Serenity shook from the explosion and the people not holding onto anything went tumbling around from a loss of balance.

"Keep those shields up," Mal called into the intercom. His face was tight and determined as he asked his pilot, "River?"

"Primary buffer panel is overheating," River rattled back a status report. "Hydraulics are cutting out. Left side'll be dead real soon."

"Kaylee?" Mal said, keeping his balance by hanging onto the wall by the intercom.

"I'm going," Kaylee called as she hurried back towards the engine room.

Harry was peeking out the window and saw a number of the Reaver ships were all turned around and aiming towards them. "Inara!" Harry insisted. "You're with me! Captain, we'll draw their attention away. Keep those shields up until we're in place." Harry grabbed the Companion's arm and pulled her with him, not even giving Mal a chance to reply.

Loud hollow thumps sounded as pieces of the massive destroyed Reaver ship continued to collide with them. Mal yelled, "Hit the gas, River. We gotta get some of this wreckage off of us."

River yanked on the steering and dove straight down. She was jerking the controls unsuccessfully to the left. "Hang on people." She curved them off towards the right avoiding another cannon shot in their direction, safely navigating despite the increasingly unstable ride.

"Where are we hurting?" Mal asked, after peeking around the corner and seeing Fullerton and Algernon focused on the shields.

"System's buggy," River called out as the ship was beginning to shake. "If you need us to take a left, it'll have to be three rights."

"What are you doing?" Inara called out as Harry sealed her cabin shut.

"We need to get their attention off Serenity and onto us," Harry explained as he hurriedly powered everything up. He turned to her and said, "Grab on to something."

Inara barely had time to process that statement before she realized Harry was disengaging and taking off from Serenity while the Firefly class ship was spiraling at nearly full burn. The tiny shuttle whipped out of control.

Harry called into the intercom, once he'd managed to right the shuttle and send them into a controlled flight. "River, you've got shields up that'll hold long enough. I need you to level out and fly smooth. Got it?"

"You got a plan here, Harry?" Mal's voice called back. "Because it better be good."

"They don't have a lock on you," Harry said as he pulled right in front of Serenity and tried to maintain a constant distance from them. "Except with your halo of wreckage and debris the shields are collecting."

Another blast from a nearby Reaver ship connected with Serenity, sending loud trembling sounds throughout the ship, but the shields held and she continued flying true.

"I'm in place now," Harry explained. "You need to slam on the brakes at same time the wizards drop their shields."

The crew realized that the ripple and haze directly in front of them was Harry flying Inara's shuttle.

"Captain?" River asked.

"Do it," Mal ordered, just before yelling into the intercom. "Drop the shields!"

Harry meanwhile had hopped up right out of the pilot's seat in and said to the wide-eyed Companion, "Take over here, please."

Inara yelped but didn't have much choice in the matter. She was climbing over Harry to reach the chair when she saw the glowing iridescent shield encompassing Serenity disappear as all the wreckage came flying towards them. Inara flinched and looked away, while Harry hurriedly slammed up a similar glowing magical shield for just the shuttle.

The debris was caught in Harry's shield and coated the small shuttle with melted shrapnel.

"Got it!" Harry called into the intercom. "Now don't use your shields again! Get down on Miranda. We'll lead them away, before doubling back towards you."

"Get us outta here, River," Mal called.

River hit the gas again, now clearly being able to see where Inara's little shuttle was, though the size of the shield gave the impression it was far larger than reality. She banked them back down and to the right again, headed straight for the planet of Miranda. "Hang on people, we're entering the atmo."

"Any tails?"

River shook her head. "They're all following Harry and Inara."

Mal nodded uncertain if that was good or not.

"You want us to take the backup shuttle, Mal?" Jayne asked. "I can grab me a wizard."

"And do what? No, don't. They were chasing one ghost and they still are," Mal answered.

"Besides we may need that shuttle," Zoe added when Jayne seemed to frown helplessly.

"River," Mal barked. "Can you still reach Harry?"

"Negative," River answered holding tighter on the controls as they could clearly see smoke pluming from the nose of the ship. "We're on secondary power, and that don't include transmitter boosts."

He leaned into the intercom and pressed the button for the engine room. "Kaylee?"

There was no response. Mal glanced over at Simon. He again called, "Kaylee?"

"Doc," Mal began but didn't have to finish as Simon leapt up from the floor and steadied himself through the halls as he hurried back towards the engine room.

"_Chou ma niao_," Mal grumbled as Serenity's trembling and shaking increased as they cleared the upper atmosphere. "She holding up River?"

"She's good," River answered as she aimed for the largest city. "But we're coming in pretty hot."

"How hot?" Mal asked holding onto the ceiling, as he walked up closer to them.

The entire front window was overcome with flames before giving way to blackened smoke yielding zero visibility.

"Pretty hot," River answered unnecessarily.

The ground was fast approaching and River was pulling up to slow them down. Most of the smoke had cleared, but that was because the parts burning had run out of fuel. The controls weren't responding properly at all. "_Gos se_," River swore.

"What now?" Mal asked hanging onto the wall and the back of River's chair.

"Half the landing gear came down," River explained as she tried to steady them. "And now not even that half will go back up."

Mal saw River was aiming for an empty stretch of desert looking land, just outside of the main metropolis. Mal warned into the intercom, "Everyone, hang on!"

River pulled up as hard as she could, while she kept trying to get the landing gear up. At the last second, the working parts came up, preventing them from falling into a barrel roll. The massive transport ship Serenity slammed into the dusty ground, tilting harshly onto its left side. They carved up the empty terrain for a hundred feet before finally skidding to a stop. A collective sigh escaped from everyone on the bridge**.  
**

* * *

Harry was holding up his shield, while Inara just looked at him in fear. Two more blasts from Reavers slammed into the magical barrier and Harry grit his teeth as he felt the force with which the cannons hit. He turned to Inara, "Now would be a good time to start flying." 

That snapped Inara out of her daze and she cranked the throttle up to full. The little shuttle shot off like a bat out of hell. She just wasn't prepared for there to be Reavers in every direction.

"There's nowhere to go!" Inara was panicking as she kept jerking left, right, up, and down.

"You're doing fine," Harry calmed her. He peeked out his window and sensed the magic surrounding Serenity was headed straight towards Miranda.

"Fine? Fine?" Inara yelped. "Where do I go? They're everywhere!"

Harry grunted as another shot hit the shield. "Head away from the planet."

Inara obeyed and turned to realize there were even more Reavers in that direction. She started to fly up and over them, but they were being chased rapidly. "Where now? Harry! Where now?"

Harry sighed at her melodramatics. "Wherever you want. We're buying the others some time."

"Eep!" Inara yelled as a ship seemed to swoop right in front of them. She deftly swerved down and away. She was calming herself and up to the challenge. "Come on, Inara. I can do this."

"Fly around aimlessly?" Harry mocked, happy to see no one had caught on to Serenity's quick exit. "I should hope so."

"Shush, I'm trying to concentrate," Inara complained as she began weaving in and out of the quickly converging Reaver ships. Magnetic pulls were affecting her steering, but she had managed to avoid the majority of the shots fired in their direction.

A loud clank sounded as grappler hooks smashed into the shield only to bounce off ineffectively. Inara tried to act as if she hadn't just yelped and jumped in her seat, but Harry had noticed.

"We're okay," Harry assured her, while seeing if he could divide his concentration from the shield enough to cast another spell. He wasn't feeling especially confident in that, nor could he see incoming attacks from a 360 degree radius.

Inara was chewing on her lip while focusing on avoiding the Reavers. "Why me?"

"We're not gonna die," Harry said rolling his eyes, as he began to sweat from the continuous drain on his magic the shield required.

"We'd better not," Inara snapped. "I meant why did you need me? Mal's the next best pilot behind you and River. Heck, Zoe can probably fly a shuttle better than me too."

Harry shrugged. "You know your own shuttle. You have a vested interest in protecting your stuff. You'd just be taking up space panicking on the bridge right now. And there's no way Mal was going to leave his boat in the middle of this."

Inara had to agree but shrieked as she missed the approach of a large Reaver ship. She and Harry both had to brace themselves as the shuttle crashed straight through the side of the Reaver spacecraft.

Harry's shield buckled and bent closer to edges of the shuttle, but held firm. Unfortunately, it also lodged them in tightly with their nose sticking into the hallway where they'd pierced the hull of the Reaver ship.

Three Reavers came running from inside the ship and were seen pounding on the thin magical shield that both protected them and ensured they were stuck.

Inara began to freak out, but Harry was quick to calm her. "Relax! They won't get through the shield."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Inara began to hysterically apologize. "I didn't even see them and then they-"

"It's okay," Harry assured her, though he visibly winced when he saw the gunfire begin to attack the shield. Bullets were ricocheting back at the Reavers who were barely flinched. "Frankly, I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did."

"What do we do?" Inara asked, in between her repeated failures to free the shuttle from its position.

Harry frowned and tried to look behind them. "Well, I was hoping another ship might yank us out of here but I don't think that's going to happen."

"You _can_ get us out, can't you?" Inara's eyes widened with each word.

"Sure, sure," Harry said. "But… it's going to mean dropping the shield."

"What?" Inara yelped. "They'll slaughter us!" She was frantically pointing at the Reavers crawling all over their front windshield, clawing and trying to get in.

Harry looked at their scarred faces and milky white, crazed eyes. "No, I think they're going to have bigger problems with the giant gaping hole in their ship. It's time for us to get on the offensive. Are you ready, Inara?"

Inara took a deep breath and let it out. "Not yet," she admitted with a wince.

Harry laughed at her and said, "Well get ready, because we're going to be flying with an intermittent shield at best. How much power does this thing have left?"

"If it were fully charged we'd have another hour," Inara said, steadying herself at the controls.

Harry sighed. "I take it we weren't fully charged?"

"Not hardly," Inara admitted, as she wiped her forehead and rubbed her clammy hands together.

"How much you think we got left?" Harry asked wincing as he saw there were a dozen Reavers all climbing on top of each other trying to breach his shield. Some had begun gnawing at it.

"Frankly, I'm surprised we've lasted this long," Inara parroted Harry's earlier words with hopeless cheer.

"Great," Harry admitted. "It might have helped if you'd mentioned that sooner. You ready now?"

"No," Inara admitted turning towards Harry.

"Too bad," Harry replied. He dropped his shield and immediately sent an overpowered banisher straight ahead into the crowd of Reavers and ship they were lodged in. Inara's shuttle came flying backwards free from the Reaver ship. Harry called up another shield as the Reavers were all bodily sucked out from the ship that now featured a massive hull breach, before it caved inwards and collapsed on itself.

Inara grabbed onto the controls and swooped them forward underneath the dead ship. When they came shooting up from the other side Harry dropped the shield again and sent the crumbling pieces of wreckage careening towards the Reaver ships crowded behind them.

Relying on the invisibility for cover, rather than the shield provided Harry with ample opportunities for attack. Unfortunately his spell arsenal was vastly limited by the fact that he couldn't send most of the destructive spells he knew without destroying the shuttle. His ingenuity came through for him as he attempted to summon the backs of hovering Reaver ships, often sending them into unexpected flips. A few banishing charms sent the ships crashing into each other and only twice so far had he even needed to put up a shield as magnetic grapplers got too close for comfort. He just wasn't sure how many of these overpowered summoning and banishing spells he could manage.

Inara was whooping for joy as it seemed the Reavers were now too confused or distracted by being attacked from their own nearby ships to notice the ripple of the disillusioned shuttle.

The small melee and cluster of Reaver ships allowed Inara to circle around completely unnoticed, while Harry kept alternating between summoning charms and banishing charms that twisted the Reavers out of position. There were only a couple left in between the shuttle and Miranda.

"This is kinda fun," Inara said, earning a scowl from Harry. "What?" she asked worriedly.

"I don't know," Harry said back. "But if ever there was a time for things to go south again, you just made it."

Inara opened her mouth to retort but the shuttle seemed to answer for her, powering down completely, leaving only a few battery powered screens still visible. "Oh."

The very last nearby Reaver ship was ironically a Firefly class. It slowly turned towards the spot Harry and Inara were helplessly idling at.

"Harry," Inara reminded fearfully.

"I see them," Harry said, trying to think of the best solution here.

"Harry," Inara repeated getting the feeling they had been located as the ship was beginning to move straight towards them.

"If I cast a shield now they're all gonna see us," Harry said. He hurriedly summoned the lower back of the Reaver ship and sent them tumbling backwards facing the other direction. "Cover your ears, please."

"Why?" Inara asked worriedly.

"Because I'm about to scream," Harry assured her calmly.

Inara jammed her two index fingers into her ears and watched Harry. Harry was focusing on deluding himself knowing it wouldn't work without delusion. He snapped his wand into his hand and kept his eyes closed. He turned in the direction of the planet and roared out, "_Accio Miranda_!"

With only the vacuum of space separating them, the little shuttle began careening wildly straight towards the planet.

"Ahhh!" Inara began screaming as they were both being thrown about the tiny cabin.

"It worked," Harry said gratefully as he held himself down into the extra seat.

"Anyway you can smooth this ride out, Harry?" Inara yelled at him, as she saw her shelves shaking and all of her possessions getting thrown about.

Harry shook his head. "I don't want to slow us down any if we're going to clear the atmosphere."

"Can't you magic the shuttle working again?" Inara argued.

"Dunno," Harry said.

"Do you have _any_ idea what you're doing?" Inara said looking out the window and seeing the telltale signs of entering the planet's atmosphere.

"Oh sure," Harry mockingly bit out. "I do this all the time."

"You at least got a plan for when we crash into the ground?" Inara snapped as she grabbed a candle holder just before it fell.

"Err… try not to?" Harry said.

"Harry!"

Harry peeked out the window and saw the ground fast approaching. It was way past time for any clever ideas, so he just slammed up the same shield he'd been using before.

To an outside observer it looked like an iridescent blue meteor plowed into the ground. The terrain was relatively soft and massive cloud of dirt and debris exploded from around them as they skidded to a stop leaving a nice fresh one hundred yard crater that was about thirty feet deep.

Harry was grateful he could still see daylight and they hadn't been buried into the ground. Inara had been winded by the sudden stop, but seemed no worse for the wear.

"You alright?" Harry asked her, while she tried to untangle her hair.

"Yeah," Inara agreed. "I'm okay."

"One more bump," Harry assured her as he dropped the shield. The tiny shuttle suddenly fell a couple more feet down and all the dirt around them began to cave in further. Small tick-tack sounds were heard as the last bits of debris finished raining from the sky. "See? We made it to Miranda."

Inara looked around the nearly sideways tilted shuttle and saw all of her things and furniture had been involuntarily rearranged. She looked at Harry and admitted, "I'd be really pissed at you right now, if that hadn't been so much fun."

Harry just chuckled and agreed. Harry stood up and tapped the window where daylight could be seen. "Let's get out of here and make sure we weren't followed."

Inara's eyes widened. "Don't say that! If there ever was a time for that to happen, you probably just did it!"

Harry responded by vanishing the window so they could climb out the top of the shuttle. A small layer of dirt and debris rained down on Inara and fell back into cabin, all over her stuff.

Harry tried not to snicker when he saw Inara's mouth had been open in the right place at the right time and she was spitting to the side and scraping her tongue. He hopped up out of the shuttle and then extended an arm to help her up. The pair climbed their way out of the trench the shuttle had inadvertently just dug. Harry looked around in all directions and saw flat hot desert with a 360 degree horizon.

"Lovely," Inara commented. "You've crashed us into the middle of nowhere."

Harry rolled his eyes, and levitated the shuttle out of the small crater. "If I recall correctly, you were the one sitting in the driver's seat."

"No I was the one being flung about wildly nearest to the driver's seat not the one…" Inara trailed off as she saw Harry was staring up in the sky.

Headed straight for them was a Firefly class ship that was eerily familiar.

"That's not Serenity, is it?" Inara asked.

"Nope," Harry admitted, as he fell to his knees. "It's not. And right now, my magic is pretty exhausted."

"You've got a plan, right?" Inara said as the Reaver ship landed roughly about fifty yards from them.

"I do," Harry admitted as he cut an X across the palm of his hand. "But just to be on the safe side, _FAWKES_!" He called out loudly into the air.

In a burst of flame the phoenix appeared and began to snicker at the clearly unconventional landing he'd missed out on.

"Keep her safe and keep your distance," Harry suggested and received an affirmative nod from Fawkes in return.

Inara's eyes widened as Fawkes grabbed onto her and flew in the air like a spiraling rocket.

Harry chanted his favorite piece of blood magic and figured now was the time to find out the truth about Miranda. Because if she wasn't a magical planet, then there's no way he could invoke any Mystical Arts and make himself a channel for foreign magic. Harry was briefly thinking about the last time he attempted this a little too close to Hogwarts. His worries were gone in the knowledge that Fawkes was nearby and would take care of them if this didn't work. Or perhaps worked too well.

Inara had her eyes closed as she hated the idea of being high up in the air and dependent on a flaming turkey to keep her from plummeting to a horrifying death. She felt the flight had stalled and they were just hovering in the air. She slowly pulled her hand away as she saw Harry looked as small as an ant way down below her. What bothered her most was she could see a half dozen other little ants all rushing towards him. Before they even got within ten feet, Harry's body disappeared in a blinding white light.

Starting from the point where Harry was, a huge wave of magical energy exploded in all directions. You could see the wave of magic's light go from white to a pinkish color as it kept darkening, getting redder and redder. It passed through all the people, all the objects, all the items and covered more than twice the distance from Harry to the Reaver ship.

Fawkes suddenly realized the now crimson wave was still going and had to hurriedly fly to outrun it. He recognized it was merely a stunning spell, and wouldn't hurt Inara, but he wasn't completely confident the effect it might have on him, and falling from this height would be real bad.

The giant sphere of blood red magic finally faded away into nothing and the stun wave was done. Inara looked down and saw none of the tiny people were moving, though there were scorch marks emanating from Harry's position.

Fawkes flew them straight down to the ground just as Harry was getting himself up.

It was only when they got close enough that Inara and Fawkes both started giggling. Fawkes gently set her down and landed onto the ground. The bird was clearly amused at Harry's appearance and Inara had to agree. The glamour charm on his hair was completely gone, and his peppered grey bird's nest was sticking straight out in all directions. His skin tone was a mixture of pale blotches and a blistered raw red. His eyes were wide open and he basically looked like he'd just been electrocuted. Probably the most obvious change though was that his eyebrows had been completely singed off leaving pale blotches behind.

"Wow!" Harry admitted. "Did you see the size of that wave?" Harry got a distinct impression from Fawkes that the phoenix thought he was an idiot and Harry nodded in agreement.

Inara hurried her way behind Harry, ensuring he was in between her and the unconscious Reavers. "Are they gonna wake up?"

"As close to me as they were," Harry asked scratching the back of his head. "Without an _ennervate_ or two, they might not. Ever."

"I'm okay with that," Inara commented. "Now can we please get away from the insane, cannibalistic monsters?"

Harry dusted himself off unaware of just how poor he looked at the moment. "Yeah, let me collect them." Harry had an excess of magic now and found it eager to respond, a stark contrast from the tiredness he felt moments ago. With only a wave of his hand he'd transfigured the first Reaver into a one-inch tall action figure. He repeated the process with the other seven laid out on the ground. He put them all in his pocket and tried summoning more from inside the ship. Six more came flying out the open cargo bay door, though from the sound of it, at least a couple were banging their heads along the way. Harry shrunk them down and shoved them into the same pocket.

"Man," Harry commented. "I'm feeling really juiced." Harry walked over towards Inara's shuttle, and wiggled his nose back and forth just like Luna used to make him do in public. Immediately, all of Inara's belongings began to repair themselves and jump back into place. He spun his finger around where the window used to be and replaced it with a shiny new one.

"Thanks," Inara commented, highly impressed by the use of magic.

"I'm gonna need to exhaust myself again or I'll really feel pain from that stun wave," Harry explained. He saw Inara just nod and smile as she didn't understand the first thing about the Mystic Arts. "I'll just apparate us to the others, Fawkes."

Fawkes understood and flew over to Harry's shoulder. He put one hand on Inara's shuttle and stuck his other out for Inara. She grabbed his hand, and he concentrated on Serenity, apparating the group, shuttle and all

* * *

The momentary peace of having safely landed on the surface of Miranda ended abruptly as River barked out, "Hey wizard boys!" 

"Yes, Miss Tam?" Fullerton answered the somewhat rude beckoning.

"You mind taking your little wands and putting out any fires you see?"

"I know this game," Jayne perked up. "When I was little we used to…" Jayne saw a number of displeased looks and resigned his train of thought. "I'll shut up."

"Certainly," Fullerton agreed noticing the smoke and steam rising from the front of the ship. "Algernon, bubblehead charms until we know more."

"I got the fires, you get the people," Algernon replied, cast a bubblehead, and apparated directly outside. He was quickly sending a thick stream of water from his wand, dousing all the small fires first on the ship, and then on the nearby foliage.

Fullerton walked the familiar way around the ship, getting everyone herded together and assigned a perimeter to guard them while they investigated the city and planet for a base to hopefully start warding.

Mal hurried back towards the engine room. He saw Kaylee on the floor, her head propped up by Simon's sweater. "You okay?" Mal asked with worry evident in his voice.

Kaylee nodded with a wry smile.

Simon looked up from his position kneeling over her. "She has a concussion. She needs to rest for at least a day, maybe two."

"I'm fine," Kaylee retorted. "Just a little bump."

"What happened?" Mal asked before Simon could protest.

"It was nothing," Kaylee said slowly shaking her head and looking like she regretted that action. "A wrong step at the wrong time, and I fell, hittin' my head."

"You need to take it easy," Simon argued. "In your condition-"

"My _condition_?" Kaylee repeated testily. "I'm pregnant, Simon. I don't have a disease."

"Yeah," Mal grinned. "I think Kaylee's doing fine."

"Thank you, Cap'n," Kaylee grinned.

"But you gotta follow the Doc's advice and take it easy," Mal ordered. "If we gotta hurry we got wizards who can magic a patch job, I'm sure. If the Doc agrees, you can manage the repairing, telling folks what to do and how. But I don't want you… irritating your condition none."

Kaylee frowned at imagining her baby was a sexually transmitted disease. She realized what Mal was saying. "How bad is she? Cuz her heart seemed to be pumpin' fine in here."

"She's a little tore up on the outside," Mal said. "She's been worse off though."

"Oh no," Kaylee pouted imagining her other baby, Serenity, hurting. "Where?"

"Well, the primary buffer panel for one."

"Again?" Kaylee yelped.

"Easy!" Simon scolded.

"Among other things, yeah," Mal answered and could see Simon's look. Mal finished by saying, "You don't even gotta leave the ship, if you don't wanna. Let's let the wizards do their wizard thing. You take it easy." Mal turned to Simon and asked, "You need help getting her to your room?"

"I can walk you know," Kaylee grumbled as she tried to stand up. She stumbled for a moment but steadied herself by leaning against the wall. "See?"

Simon nodded. "We'll be fine." He walked over to her and let her sling her body weight onto his shoulder. "Let us know when Harry and Inara are back."

"Harry and Inara!" Kaylee yelped. "What happened to them? Where'd they go?"

"_Gos se_," Simon grumbled as he hadn't meant to worry her. He and Kaylee slowly walked towards their cabin as he tried to convince her not to worry because Harry was involved. It was pretty fruitless considering he didn't believe it himself.

Mal hurried to the back of the ship and walked out right behind the little goblin Digdug with the phoenix perched happily on its head. He noticed everyone else had bubbles around their heads that looked more like upside-down fishbowls than magic. "What's going on?"

"Captain," Fullerton said spinning around. He quickly snapped his wand at him and a fishbowl appeared around his head too.

"What are you doing?" Mal said as his hands smacked into the walls of the bubble and he realized his head was trapped. The situation didn't cause Mal to hyperventilate or worry over the lack of oxygen, but it sure made his nose itch like crazy.

"Bubblehead charm," Fullerton explained. "Until we're certain the Pax is out of the oxygen, we figure it's better to err on the side of caution."

"Err… you know about two and a half years ago we were here and didn't get sick," Mal explained. "You think someone's turned it back on, since then?"

"No," Fullerton explained. "But it could be simply the levels have dropped to the point you'd need longer term exposure than the half hour or so you had."

"Okay. That's great and all, but how do I scratch my nose?" Mal commented curling his upper lip into his nose.

Fullerton looked at him oddly, "Perhaps with your finger?"

Mal stuck his hand straight through the bubble and was able to rub his itchy nose. "I couldn't do that a second ago."

"Were you trying to scratch your nose?" Fullerton commented. "Or destroy the bubble? Because it shouldn't prevent you from anything other than ensuring clean air to breathe, even submerged in water."

Mal was knocking on the bubble with his fist a few times before he suddenly smacked himself in the forehead. "Okay I get it. Never mind. Why's everyone looking over there?"

"We saw a ship in that direction," Fullerton answered looking in that direction.

"Harry and Inara?"

"No it was not their shuttle," Fullerton commented. Fawkes disappeared in a burst of fire and Fullerton grinned happily. "They'll be fine. Digdug? Any luck?"

Digdug smiled dangerously showing enough teeth to make Mal wince. "There's something here. It's not the same as Earth, but there is definitely something."

"Excellent," Fullerton agreed.

"Hold on," Mal said. "How do you know Harry and Inara are fine, if that wasn't their shuttle?"

"I suspect that ship may have been chasing Harry and Inara."

"What?" Mal snapped.

Fullerton held a hand to stop the Captain. "Fawkes just disappeared either to assist Harry or more likely because he was called."

"Then they need help," Mal insisted telling River to get the backup shuttle and come pick them up.

"I think you may be underestimating both Mr. Potter and the power of a phoenix," Fullerton said before turning his head at the giant red bubble. The light shining off it was blinding and everyone was flinching to cover their eyes. "Oh my…"

"Great Merlin!" A man called out.

"Headmaster," an older witch with thick horn-rimmed glasses asked. "Does that mean what I think it does?"

"I believe so," Fullerton nodded and smiled.

Digdug clapped his hands together forcefully and the air all around them seemed to vibrate. He suddenly became aware of all the nearby gold as his goblin spell was successful. He slowly looked up towards Fullerton and the Captain. "It is," Digdug said with complete certainty. "It felt different because she's new to all this." Digdug turned and ran back into Serenity, no doubt headed to inform his father.

"I don't have time for this," Mal said and turned to Fullerton. "You're coming with me to check that blast out."

"Don't bother, Captain," River said, powering down the backup shuttle she'd just pulled up next to them.

Mal was going to ask her why when he saw her looking behind him. Mal spun around and identified Harry and Inara had appeared at some point bringing her shuttle with him.

"Harry! Inara! You guys, alright?" Mal said before taking notice of Harry's appearance. "Actually, Harry, don't answer that. Inara, are you alright?"

Inara snickered as Harry's eyebrow-less forehead furrowed. "Yes, I'm fine," she answered. "Do I need to bowl around my head?"

"Oh sorry," Harry realized everyone else was using bubblehead charms. He snapped his fingers and small bubble appeared around Inara's head too. He repeated the process on himself.

Inara sniffed in the air twice. "Is that cinnamon… and _citrus_?"

Harry nodded. "If you don't add a slight odor, then all you'll smell will be your own breath after a few minutes."

"But cinnamon and citrus?" Inara said confused at the odd combination.

"I couldn't decide which, both kinda came out," Harry admitted with a shrug. "I could've gone for Jayne's gym shorts if you'd rather."

Inara realized the orangey-cinnamon smell could be a lot worse and just shook her head.

"We lost power and contact with you," Harry commented. "I see your landing was only slightly better than ours. Everyone okay?"

"Kaylee bumped her head," Mal explained. "But we're okay. What the hell happened up there, Harry?"

"They couldn't see us," Harry assured him. "But they could sense us… sort of. I think it was actually the languid quiet that made our presence stand out so much more. If we just tried to blow past them, they may not have ever registered our existence."

Mal sighed but was grateful it hadn't been worse.

"If I may interrupt," Fullerton jumped in. "I think we have a lot of people here eager to do the jobs assigned to them."

"Yeah," Mal nodded. "Take Zoe and Jayne and check out those compressors. I'll be happier knowing we don't gotta wear bubbles on our head."

Zoe came out the large cargo bay door and pulled the skiff up next to Fullerton, while Jayne hopped in having gone back for Vera. Zoe was biting her lip at the sight of Harry. "New haircut?"

"You're gonna ruin all my fun, aren't you, Zoe?" Mal said with a hidden grin.

"No, sir," Zoe replied ignoring Harry who just now noticed how grey his hair was. "Just picking up Fullerton for a little air-check and Pax-hunting."

Mal nodded. "Keep your line open the whole way. I want to be able to hear the three of you."

Fullerton got on and the trio shot off in the direction of the nearest air regulation station.

The remaining crew members spun around and saw a crowd of goblins all start to come out the back of the ship.

Each goblin jerked their head in surprise at the sight of Harry, their reluctant Master. It was a semi-constant stream of snorts and brief nods as they all tried to remain respectful.

River saw Harry was tapping his hairless eyebrow area and commented. "You look good, Harry."

Ripruck broke off from the single file line of goblins exiting the ship and headed towards the city. He barely even blinked at Harry's appearance as the wizard in question was trying to flatten his hair and coming up against stiff resistance.

"Harry," Ripruck greeted. "I trust you are feeling well?"

Harry nodded unconsciously and asked, "Digdug found what you were looking for?"

Ripruck nodded affirmatively. "He did. He said it wasn't responsive until you broke the ice and said 'Hi' first."

Harry grinned and looked really scary with a flattened patch of hair on the top of his head. "Yeah, you could say that. Speaking of, is there anything I can do to help? I kinda need to burn off all this foreign magic and then crash or it's gonna hurt. And I don't really want it to hurt."

Ripruck frowned and said, "The managers are simply going to inventory what there is on this planet, what works, and what doesn't. It will probably be hours before we begin any major ward casting." Ripruck saw Harry sigh in dejection and suggested, "Perhaps you can magic yourself new eyebrows?"

Harry grumbled. "Does it show that much?"

"Not really," Ripruck answered. "Your skin is already so discolored that you barely notice the lack of eyebrows."

Harry conjured a mirror, no longer caring if it made him look vain. His eyes bugged out at the sight of his current appearance.

"Wait!" River called out just as Harry was going to cast spells at himself. "Go see Kaylee. She was worried about you and Inara. And your appearance is one of those things she'll like seeing more than hearing about."

Harry rolled his eyes but figured Kaylee would appreciate.

"And Simon would never forgive me," River added with a proud grin, having already recognized the signs of reluctant acceptance on Harry's face.

Harry nodded and turned back towards the ship. He weaved his way around some unabashedly snickering goblins and went towards Simon and Kaylee's cabin.

"River," Mal added. "You got a camera, don't you?"

"On it Captain," River agreed and hurried back towards her own cabin, deciding the video footage on Harry's communicator may not be enough.

Mal looked over at Inara as the only other crew member, while they were surrounded by wizards patrolling the perimeter and goblins seen dragging things in the distance. "You guys have a close call?"

Inara thought back to her myriad of near-death experiences in the last half hour. "Nothing we couldn't handle."

* * *

"You were actually worried?" Kaylee's voice could be heard yelling in disbelief. "Have you been taking stupid pills?" 

Simon looked humbled and shy, feeling foolish yet inordinately happy.

"Oh I'm sorry, honey," Kaylee consoled him, realizing how harsh she had sounded. "Of course I'll marry you. Nothing could make me happier."

Harry wasn't sure whether he should intrude on their private moment, or scold Simon for asking at such a horribly unromantic time.

Simon smiled at her and was fighting back his own tears. "I know this isn't the best time, but finding you unconscious… I just… I didn't want to wait any longer."

"It was the perfect time," Kaylee assured him. "I'm serious, Simon. Nothing could make me happier at this moment."

Harry stuck his head in the door and knocked. "I'm sure it won't, but you mind if I give it a try?"

"Harry," Simon groaned without yet turning around. "Do you really have to…" Simon stopped completely unprepared to see the goofy silvery cowlick and wild hair pointing in all directions. The red blotches and pale singed strips of flesh where Harry's eyebrows used to be left Simon speechless. His face slowly split into a bright smile.

"Congratulations," Harry said earnestly. "Though really, Simon, you couldn't wait for a romantic dinner at least?"

"He was worried I was gonna say no," Kaylee said shaking her bandaged head in disbelief.

"That does sound silly," Harry replied with a grin.

"You told me she'd say no!" Simon protested.

Harry shrugged. "How'd it feel when she said yes?"

Simon clicked his jaw, shutting his mouth in understanding. It had felt truly wonderful when she said yes and still did. Something he may have missed out on, if he'd been more certain of her answer. His thoughts were interrupted by Kaylee's bubbly giggling.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Kaylee asked between smiles. "You here for my fiancé to check you out?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm fine. River and the Captain thought I should let you know me and Inara got back just fine. And they also felt my appearance was something you needed to see for yourselves as apparently words are insufficient."

"We'll have to name our baby River or Mal now," Simon said with complete sincerity. "No engagement gift could ever compare."

"Stop it," Kaylee said smacking him on the arm. Her eye was once again drawn the new addition to her ring finger. She seemed to drift off and was just lost looking right at it.

"She seems to like the ring you chose," Harry commented.

Simon nodded, glancing at Kaylee. He extricated himself from her hold and let her lie down to get some rest. She was still staring at the ring, but her breathing sounded a bit like snoring. Simon walked up to Harry and confided, "The other reason I asked now was in case she said no, I'd act like I never asked and it was just the drugs I've given her that induced a hallucination."

Harry grinned and gave Simon's shoulder a friendly squeeze. "That's possibly the most pathetic fear of rejection I've ever heard of. Congratulations."

"Thanks," Simon agreed happily, still excited that she said yes and not paying all that much attention to Harry.

"You're an idiot," Harry added warmly for the ecstatic young man.

"Yup," Simon agreed. "A very lucky one."

"Harry!" Kaylee called out, waking from her daze. "We're getting married!"

"I heard," Harry agreed wondering just how many drugs Simon had given her.

"What'd you get us?"

Harry quirked his mouth, and was patting down his pockets trying to think of something to conjure. His hand hit the lumps in his pocket and pulled out a small plastic figurine. "An action figure?"

"Ooh! Let me see your boy dolls!"

Harry handed her the transfigured Reaver.

"It's a Reaver," she commented warily looking at the freaky little thing.

"Yes it is," Harry agreed heartily.

Harry handed one for Simon to inspect, while Kaylee was sniffing hers. She stuck it in her mouth and bit gently on its head.

"What are you doing?" Simon asked in disgust. "That's been in his pocket."

Harry snickered and added, "And it's a Reaver too."

"What do you mean?" Simon asked uncertainly, while Kaylee was using hers to scratch inside her ear.

"I mean it _is_ a Reaver," Harry said. "You remember how I turned both of you into beads?"

Simon's mind made the connection as he flung the plastic Reaver in his hand across the room and shuddered in disgust. Kaylee looked up uncertainly as she was tugging her toy's legs apart. "Hmm?"

* * *

Zoe, Jayne, and Fullerton came back to report that there were no noticeable traces of Pax in the air and probably hadn't been for close to fifteen years. The canisters that were still hooked up had been drained dry a long time ago and never replaced. So they brought back all the sealed and full canisters of the drug G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate. 

The goblins had set-up a large area for a graveyard and future memorial where they were going to dispose of the bodies. Records were kept of all potentially identifiable aspects of the victims, but they simply didn't have the resources or abilities to treat them all individually with the respect they deserved. Nor did the goblins care in the slightest.

But the goblins were excellent at what they did. All the most useful buildings had been structurally reinforced and cleaned. Most of the area was protected by a series of goblin built and maintained wards. Those furthest out were for identification and monitoring of welcome and unwelcome guests. Moving inward the strength and strictness of the wards progressively increased.

The tallest and nicest office building was informally made their base of operations. It was warded with the heaviest goblin wards possible, excepting of the basement. The basement was open to portkeys and apparition, but was protected by a Fidelius charm. Harry was the secret keeper and it was here that the vanishing cabinets were given a permanent home. This ensured quick easy secure and controlled access. Even those not in on the secret could be taken to the cabinets and transported, all the while their minds were in a fog until they reached their destination.

The building down the end of the street and set a little off was claimed by the goblins themselves. And they began digging deeper and deeper setting up vaults for a future branch of Gringotts. It actually took a specific direct order from Harry to get the goblins to not call the bank Potters. Harry argued with them that now they no longer were as dependent on the vault on Earth, they shouldn't be pushing him for an heir. As it stood now, with his death it would mean the end of the line of Potters and they'd be free. Harry was quickly corrected that even upon his death they'd still remain Potters for all eternity, and that it was in the family's best interests for him to have a great many children. Harry never brought the subject up again.

One street over from the base of operations was a large hospital. It had been quickly warded with a mix of wizard magic and goblin protections. A witch named Juliet was a bonafide Enchantress and she had set up the west hallways on the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth floors to all have a nearly unlimited number of rooms easily called into existence as needed. Though on the fifth and sixth floors the rooms were designed as much like cells to keep the patients as they were rooms for healing and recovery.

The fifth floor was busiest one. It contained the lab where Fullerton was experimenting with the Pax they'd recovered. It contained a cushioned portkey room that stunned every arrival. And it was where the fourteen Reavers Harry had caught were all being kept sedated for testing and treatment.

The Reavers were surprisingly far easier to deal with than expected. The _Imperius Curse_ kept them docile, body binds kept them from moving, and _Legilimency_ scans discovered very jarring muddy thoughts that were easily distinguishable from each patient's pre-Reaver memories. Obliviating the Reavers of those starkly different memories would be a long process considering the sheer volume, but it was a viable possibility. Some of the lesser trained _Legilimens_ were unable to deal with the frightening and horrifying thoughts of Reavers, leaving the job for those with stronger stomachs. They were able to locate the names of the patients and left the rest of the mental intrusions for later.

Fullerton announced the Pax was working, but they were still refining the volume to locate a more precise dosage. He was also varying the way it was administered to see if many small doses over a longer period of time might speed recovery, or rather shocking the system with a single full dose worked more effectively. The first Reaver to show calm lucidity and an ability to maintain conversations was named Lenny.

After about an hour of questions where Lenny felt alternately like a complete idiot or a vicious monster, he quite forcefully took a vow of silence.

Lenny was given some peace and quiet then, while they worked on developing a better series of questions and tests.

Sadly, Lenny's vow of silence didn't last once he began to regain his memory.

It was unanimously agreed that there couldn't be too much security, so all exits on both the fifth and sixth floors were protected with Fidelius charms as well. That way, a worst case scenario wouldn't be able to leave the floor. Well, at least not through the windows or doors. The fifth floor was designated Reaver receiving. Cases deemed safe enough were moved to keep the fifth floor open for simply incoming and initial treatment. Lenny was the first of the original fourteen who got moved to the fourth floor. The third floor was for those deemed safe, where they hoped future Reavers could return for check-ups and those nearing their discharge dates could even get visitors. The first two floors were set to act like a mix of wizarding hospital and a muggle one, because simply wizarding medicine was centuries out of date compared to modern non-magical healing.

The sixth floor was to be for patients that may be beyond help. Fullerton wasn't moving any of the patients to the sixth floor unless he absolutely had to.

Simon, when he wasn't fretting over Kaylee, was actually quite helpful with his far more current knowledge of medicine as well as the tools he had at his disposal.

Zoe, Jayne, and Jane took the skiff out many times, essentially scavenging for fuel and supplies they could use, while determining which housing structures would be the best for the wizards, and hopefully former Reavers, to move into.

Harry had contacted Duncan and kept increasing the amount of supplies. Duncan agreed knowing Harry was good for it, but told him he needed some better answers if he was dumping this much cargo onto a small empty ship, not built for transport, nor was it even piloted by anybody. Harry offered him full disclosure and that they'd work out a nice fat deal on the up and up, but not until Harry had a better idea of what they really needed.

Kaylee was obediently taking things easy just like the doctor ordered. She only personally dug into repairing Serenity when the non-magical wizards were doing it all wrong and not listening to her directions correctly. For the most part though, she sipped fruity non-alcoholic beverages and bossed sweaty men around. Simon made sure he went way overboard on the public displays of affection every time he was with her while she was working. It had been particularly fortuitous that there was a second Firefly they were able to scavenge the best working parts from to get Serenity back into tiptop shape.

With a little elbow grease, and a few parts that took Frank about an hour to go pick up, Kaylee even got the second ship up and running. They had to contain the radioactive core though before anyone worked on it. Even still, Simon gave her a Geiger counter and tried to convince her it was a new wave necklace.

The first ship of the hunt had been born. Kaylee was given the honor of naming it. She decided to call it _Destiny_. Harry said she wasn't allowed to name anymore ships and Simon took careful note, deciding he really needed to talk about baby names as soon as possible.

But now, they had the beginnings of a fleet for future Reaver hunters. Destiny's maiden voyage was upon them and they were all armed with heavy duty tranquilizers, knockout gas grenades, and gas masks that slid into place at a moment's notice.

River was piloting. Jayne was perfectly content to be the Captain, if only in title, while Harry was in charge of everybody. Zoe was with them and rounding out the rest of the crew of Destiny were four wizards all capable of silent quick-snap stunners.

The group was prepped and ready as they broke through the atmosphere looking around for Reaver ships. Seeing the skies were clear, River set them to idle a little ways, hiding under disillusionment, since it appeared none of the Reavers were focused enough to be distracted by muggle aversion charms.

Harry took the backup shuttle and set up the over-sized power sapping net, adding disillusionment over all visible pieces of it. He reattached the shuttle with Destiny and walked back up to the bridge.

"We're all set," Harry happily announced. "River, take us to 'em."

River nodded and engaged at a mild slow burn, not wanting to seem too obvious. By the time they spotted a Reaver ship on radar, everyone's adrenaline was pumping.

"Oh boy," River commented, when she saw that they had been spotted by the Reavers before she had managed any spotting of her own. "I think it's time for a hasty retreat."

She turned them around and headed back towards their invisible net. "We got three catching up quick," she stated, as Destiny's engine was going full burn.

"Three shouldn't be a problem," Harry answered with a grin. "Up, up, up, River!"

River pulled up suddenly and hit the brakes.

"We're past the net," Harry said. "Take us down a bit… little more… there."

"Guys?" Harry said to the other four wizards. "Drop the disillusionment."

They sent _finites_ in four directions and Destiny flickered into view. The three Reaver ships were flying in tight formation headed right for them.

"Don't cast a shield before me," Harry ordered keeping his eyes on the approaching Reaver ships. Harry held his hand up, waiting as the Reavers came straight at them. He saw the flash of fire and instantly his magic snapped into a shimmering blue shield, that the other four quickly added their strength.

Knowing her cue, River hit the gas and dove straight down. The three Reaver ships all went straight through the net and came out the other side powerless rocks floating away in space.

"Keep an eye out for any others, River," Harry ordered. "Gentlemen, now is the time for you to get those shared power summoning spells working." It took a bit of instruction, while River idly kept pace, but eventually the Reaver ships were stopped.

Harry hopped in the shuttle with Zoe, and they worked their around, pumping knockout gas into the three motionless Reaver ships. They went back to Destiny, and River latched onto the first ship. They gave the knockout gas another fifteen minutes, before they unsealed the airlocks and prepared to board the first ship. Guns, grenades, and gas masks were all ready and in place.

"Alright folks," Harry said, spinning open the airlock on the Reaver ship, as he turned to the rest of the crew. "It's time to get to work."


	36. CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE: An Ordinary Day

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE – An Ordinary Day**

"Nurse Conrad?"

Jane looked away from the whining man she'd embarrassingly slept with quite regularly and turned towards the call of her name. "Yes?"

"I think 504 is waking up just now."

"Thank you, Lenny," Jane said. She turned to Jayne and ordered, "Come along and behave."

Jane entered room 504 with Jayne following behind her. Jayne kept his gun trained on the patient, while Jane checked his vitals. She went to the sink in the adjoining bathroom and filled a glass with distilled water.

Blearily, the patient blinked his eyes open. "Where am I?"

Jane shined a light in his eyes, checking to make sure they dilated as she answered. "You're on the fifth floor of a hospital."

"What…" the man asked, using his voice for speech for just about the first time in fifteen years. "What happened?"

"Here," Jane avoided the questions and handed him a glass of water. "Drink this. It's just water."

The man accepted the cup and drank it greedily. "Why am I here?"

"You no doubt have a lot of questions," Jane replied. "But your answers will have to wait, while we check you out. Do you remember your name?"

"Sam," he answered without hesitation. "Sam… something. I… I don't know."

"Samuel Rogers according to your chart," Jane answered. "But remembering your first name is an excellent sign. You'll probably get the fast track to rehabilitation and recovery."

"Rehab? What?"

"The lady said your questions have to wait," Jayne snapped drawing the man's attention.

The man's eyes widened having not spotted the other person in the room. "Why are you pointing a gun at me? What's going on?"

"Please relax, Sam," Jane tried to calm him. "It's only a tranquilizer gun. It won't hurt you."

"Who are you people?" Sam asked looking between the scary one aiming a gun at him, and the attractive nurse who seemed to be masterminding this nightmare.

"My name is Jane Conrad. You may call me Nurse Conrad or Jane. I answer to both."

Sam looked at the man with a gun hoping for an introduction and the only response he received was a grunt.

Jane saw Sam was getting nervous and answered, "My overprotective co-worker is named Jayne."

"Jane… and Jayne?" Sam repeated. "That's a boy's name?"

A pop of compressed air and _thunk_ sounded as the tranquilizer dart caught Sam in the meat of his left thigh.

"Oops," Jayne admitted unconvincingly.

"Jayne!"

"It was an accident!"

"You're not helping," Jane grumbled.

"He's unconscious now," Jayne said with a shrug. "We know he's not round the bend still. You can give him that fancy shot that'll speed up the unclouding of his noggin and then we can sneak off to a closet, if you know what I mean."

Jane sighed at Jayne's use of the single entendre. "Let's hope I'm not misinterpreting 'sneak off to a closet' when I say fat chance of that happening."

"I think ya are misinterpreting," Jayne added.

"Tie his arms and legs down," Jane said ignoring the horny man-child. "I'll get the shot."

Jayne secured the leather straps on the unconscious man, and Jane inserted the syringe after locating a thick looking vein. She nodded at Jayne and pushed on the plunger.

Sam jerked forward wide awake and screaming.

Jayne and Jane were both ready and only cringed slightly at the sudden increase in volume.

"What are you doing to me?" Sam screamed after he'd stopped thrashing in the bed he was tied to.

"Do you feel any excess rage or anger?" Jane asked as she looked over her paperwork.

"No," Sam commented. "I feel a little calmer than I think is warranted."

"Excellent, excellent," Jane nodded. "Any desire to cut yourself or eat human flesh?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sam asked in confusion.

"I've got a series of videos all queued up for you now," Jane said. She pointed towards the buttons on side of the bed marked play, pause, and rewind. "You'll find the large majority of your answers in them. Once you're somewhat caught up to speed, I will have some more questions for you, and if things go smoothly, we might even move you to the fourth floor this afternoon."

"Why am I being held captive?" Sam asked noticing how tight the straps were on his wrists and ankles.

"Those are so you don't try to hurt yourself," Jane replied. "I'm sorry you have to go through this but we really are here to help you."

The change was so sudden Sam thought he was seeing things. He wondered what hallucinogenic drugs they had given him. It was as if his entire vision was coated in blood. Not just a red haze but thick, viscous blood. He could smell it. He could taste it. He felt his body's primal urges all being satiated by the thrill of the hunt, the conquest of the kill, and the pleasure of others' pain.

The visions passed but his head was twitching. He hadn't even noticed the nurse and her overprotective co-worker leave the room. It didn't take long before the images came back again, only this time with more clarity than before. These weren't the actions of someone else, but those of his own body. He recognized the scars on his arms were not the result of a horrific accident, and instead knew exactly how he carved them and with what. He felt the rush of seeing children flee from him, the fear and terror in their eyes driving him. He felt the sexual release of defiling their husks and the satisfaction of tearing limbs from their warm bodies.

Sam's consciousness became aware again and turned his head to the side vomiting what little sustenance had been put into his system. He would have heaved more but his stomach was already empty. "Help me!" he began to scream, unaware of what was going on. "Make it stop! Please!"

Sam was lost in memories all tinted with blood, knowing these weren't his own and yet he could tell they were. He felt pain, guilt, and horror at seeing his hands doing horrible things and he knew he wouldn't feel that way if they hadn't been _his_ hands. He knew what it felt like to squeeze a brain or chew up an eyeball and the knowledge didn't just make him feel ill but also physically hurt.

He wasn't sure how long he had been screaming and he barely noticed a man come into the room and clean up the vomit. He was lost in a nightmare that felt like a stain on his being. He was too far gone to recognize that a second older man had walked into the room, nor the fact that the second man wore robes not a lab coat. Even if Sam had, he wouldn't have understood that the man cast two magical spells on him before leaving the room. All Sam knew was that the images and memories in his head were still there, but they had stopped hurting.

His throat was raw and sore from screaming, but he didn't seem to care so much. He knew it was wrong and inappropriate but he let out a small giggle. For some reason he found the world funny, not a hopeless humorless laugh but genuinely okay.

Sam turned to his head and saw a man with two V-shaped scars emanating from the corners of his mouth. He was using a wet towel to clean up the vomit from off of Sam's face and bed.

"That's the calming charm and cheering charm you feel, Sam," he answered, not helping Sam's confusion any. He began to dry off the now wet areas of the bed. "I'm Lenny by the way."

"What's happening to me?" Sam asked in between his unnatural smiles.

"The charms won't last forever," Lenny said as he finished up in Sam's room. "But the videos will answer your questions."

"No," Sam calmly argued, trying to work up the anger and righteous indignation he thought he should feel. "Get me a doctor, I want some answers."

"The videos, Sam, the videos," Lenny reiterated as he left the room.

Sam was confused and couldn't get the images out of his head. He realized no one was going to tell him anything and hit play on the only buttons his tied down hand could reach.

The viewing screen on the wall directly in front of him lit up. A title appeared announcing, "Where did I come from?" with a smaller subtext, "The non-sexual Reaver edition."

Sam just idly watched the text dissolve and man's face appear. "I know what you're thinking. Where did you come from and what is a Reaver?"

Sam nodded dumbly as the man known to many as Mr. Universe explained the facts of Reaver life. Warnings were given before any graphic visuals, and theme music credited as _The_ _Imperial March_ added a nice touch during all the parts covering the Alliance, the Unification War, and just what the scientists had unintentionally created and unleashed when they put the Pax into the Miranda air.

Sam felt numb hearing about the horrible atrocities committed by thousands of others just like him, and even more the unconscionable acts of the one and only governing body for the entire known universe. The idea of genocide on the scale that had happened was simply unimaginable to him. He was feeling dizzy and lightheaded, but the video ended and told him to take a moment before the next video.

Lenny walked in and asked, "Just finished the first one?"

Sam nodded, feeling as if he were in a very nauseating dream.

"Let me get you some water," Lenny said as he got another glass of distilled water from the sink. "You're going watch the rest of the videos and get more answers, right?"

Sam nodded eagerly, and Lenny used his key to release Sam's wrists. He handed him the water to drink. "Finish this one off and I'll refill it for you."

Sam guzzled the water down while Lenny took a fresh and clean towel that he wet with cold water. Sam handed the empty cup back and Lenny gave him the towel. "You can hold it to your forehead to stave off a fever, and keep yourself from passing out."

Sam did just that and sat back in relaxation. The cool towel felt wonderful on his skin. The images were there in his mind, but they weren't out of control. He could think of them or ignore them at will.

Lenny came back with another glass of water and smiled. "Trust me. You'll like this next movie a lot better."

Sam was looking at the scars on Lenny's face and asked. "Did a… a Reaver do that to you?"

Lenny chuckled. "You could say that." Lenny saw the confusion on Sam's face and explained. "I did it to myself." Lenny traced his fingers over the cuts. "I cut my mouth open so I could attack with all of my teeth at once. I peeled back and pinned the flesh of my cheeks against the base of my neck."

Sam winced, but felt a measure of comfort knowing Lenny had been a Reaver too.

"Yeah," Lenny nodded. "I looked pretty gruesome. I was one of the first that Dr. Fullerton helped, so I didn't get any fancy videos explaining things to me. Just a bunch of tests and more questions than you can imagine."

"Does it… does it get better?" Sam asked feebly.

"You think it could be worse?" Lenny smiled brightly. "Yeah, it gets better. It helps that there's so many of us. Reaver-holics Anonymous has helped me the most."

"What?" Sam asked in confusion.

"It's what I call the group therapy sessions," Lenny assured him. "The way you're going, I wouldn't be surprised if a shrink clears you for group in less than a week."

"That long?"

Lenny nodded with certainty. "After fifteen years of… you know, it's less when others trust you again, and more about when you trust yourself."

Sam just nodded, not knowing what to say.

"Go ahead and start the next movie," Lenny said with a grin. "It'll make you feel like a kid again."

Sam sat back, shifting his cool towel and hit play with his now freed hand. Lenny left the room once more, as the screen came to life. Sam looked at the title skeptically and wondered if this was some sort of joke. The title of this movie was "The Magical World: An introduction to wizards, witches, phoenixes, and goblins."

Sam was beginning to think Lenny's mention of charms had nothing to do with either luck or cereal.

* * *

"Feeling better?" Jane asked as she entered the room, with Jayne following dutifully behind her. 

"A little better, yeah," Sam admitted before chuckling sadly. "But I think might be coming down with a slight case of mental breakdown."

Jane was carrying a tray and smiled warmly at him. "That's to be expected. Even if the information weren't enough to shock you, there's still the matter of the chemical imbalance in your brain."

"Chemical imbalance?" Sam repeated. "Is that why I hear the voices?"

"Should I plug him?" Jayne asked watching Sam suspiciously.

"You're already on thin ice, buster," Jane stopped her trigger-happy co-worker. "Sam? Do you actually hear voices or was that just an attempt at levity?"

"Just a joke," Sam shook his head. "I hope."

"I brought you some food," Jane said.

"I like my steak rare, please," Sam grinned, unconcerned with Jayne's angry staring.

"Nope, sorry," Jane explained. "You get vegetables, soup, and fluids for the next few days. All former Reaver victims need to pass an evaluation before they get to eat meat."

Sam sighed and took his bowl of steamed veggies. "I suppose that makes sense."

"You ready for a couple of questions?" Jane said settling down. "I can wait, if you'd prefer to finish your meal first."

Sam shook his head. "I don't mind talking right now, but can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," Jane said looking up from her daunting checklist.

"Are you a witch thingie?"

Jane shook her head. "My grandfather is a wizard. I was one of the people who moved outside of time and long to see the wizarding world flourish again, but I was born on the ride over so I have no magic. I was only twenty-two when the first Core planets were settled."

"Oh," Sam nodded. "Okay." He remembered his food and took another bite. "So you're from a few centuries ago. That's… umm… oddly hard to believe considering I'm apparently a monster. Or at least I was." Sam noticed the pitying look in the nurse's eye and turned towards the man with the gun. "What about you?"

"I'm from here, now, and I like to shoot people," Jayne answered.

"Fair enough," Sam agreed, pushing away his empty bowl. "If I start eating people, you have my full permission to shoot me."

"Do you want him to shoot you?" Jane asked adopting a more serious expression than the joking tone Sam was using.

"Right now, I'm not sure I care," Sam admitted.

"Excellent," Jane agreed marking on her paper. She saw Sam was looking at her curiously and realized how that sounded. "Sorry, I was meaning excellent in that you were honest in your answer. Because from here there are several options and we need to discuss them."

Sam nodded listening intently.

"The first option is the one we try and push the most. That is to continue through the healing process, engage in therapy sessions, get cleared, and get a fresh start on a new life. Did you have any family on Miranda or elsewhere?"

Sam nodded sadly. "I came alone to Miranda, but my intention was to get things settled, before moving my wife and daughter here," Sam chuckled. "I know the reputation most border planets have, so I wanted them to wait until I felt it was safe. Considering I was about six months late to the party, I probably was only here a month or two before I became a lab rat."

Jane smiled sadly. "Part of the healing process involves writing letters to your family that you don't actually send. Depending on how things go, contacting them is a possibility."

Sam let out a breath he had been holding in. He winced and looked away. "Part of me is immensely grateful they didn't come, but another part of me wishes we could be together. Though they probably buried an empty casket for me 15 years ago."

"We do have resources available to us," Jane explained. "And often, we will find out how your family is doing before you decide whether you wish to reintroduce yourself to them. There have been a number of happy reunions but some people see their kids have grown up, have new loving parents, or spouses that are happily remarried and then they choose not to disrupt their lives.

"There is no right or wrong answer here and you won't be making any decisions today. I'm just letting you know what options are available to you now and in the future."

Sam closed his eyes and smiled sadly. He painfully admitted, "I hope Janice moved on."

"Janice Rogers?" Jane repeated writing the name down. "And your daughter?"

"Diana Elizabeth Rogers," Sam answered.

"Where were they from?"

"A small moon called Cheyenne."

"I'll have someone look into locating them," Jane assured him. "That doesn't necessarily mean you have to know even if we do locate them."

"I want to know," Sam fiercely insisted. "There's no way I wouldn't want to know."

"Easy," Jayne commented when Sam had raised his voice.

"Sorry," Sam said as he laid back. "You said something about options?"

"Yes, thank you," Jane appreciated the reminder. "The first option is to go through a thorough and normal healing process."

"Normal?" Sam chuckled and lifted up his misshapen and deformed arms. "Am I always going to look like this?"

Jane shook her head. "Physical therapy may be needed for your arms but usually is unnecessary. Cosmetic surgeries come in a variety of possibilities, but those are considered non-critical and frequently have long waiting lists."

"Great," Sam sighed. "That's just great."

"I'd like to think I don't have to impress the severity of the situation on you," Jane commented. "You're in much better shape than most."

Sam was feeling the ripples in the scar tissue on his face. "I am?"

"I've seen patients with only one eye, without any eyes, those who lost their tongues either because they ate it or cut it out," Jane rattled off. "I even had one man who started with five broken ribs protruding from his chest that had been sharpened into horns."

Sam winced and felt a bit ashamed at how selfish he must have sounded.

"One of the most popular cosmetic procedures is to actually burn and sear the skin off of the patient. New live tissue can then be re-grown with a more natural pigmentation, as well as greatly reducing the amount of visible scarring," Jane continued. "I'm not sure there are words to describe how painful it is to have that much raw skin. But some victims are covered with blotchy patches of red, brown, purple, and blue due to various ailments and self-inflicted actions.

"Again, nothing in their physical health is at risk, but for the sake of their mental health looking more human helps them to feel more human. And subjecting themselves to an inordinate amount of pain and weeks of extreme sensitivity is in some cases the preferred solution.

"All the while there are thousands more people suffering from the same madness and affliction. Not only are the ones still out there mindless, vicious monsters but they are killing and harming _more_ innocents. Something that if you hadn't been picked up you would be doing as well."

Sam was visibly cowed and realized the man with the gun may be the nice one here.

"I'm sorry if my words seem cruel," Jane softened. "But in case you missed the numbers in the movies, thirty million people were killed by the Pax on Miranda directly. Thirty thousand were turned into monsters. That was fifteen years ago. Since then thousands and thousands more that had nothing to do with Miranda have been slaughtered, and that death toll keeps climbing. You are the 819th Reaver we have captured and are trying to help. We know a lot of Reavers have perished over the years, but there are thousands of them still out there. And helping to heal them, which in turn protects the innocents from them, is to me a far higher priority than any _cosmetic_ issues you may have."

"God, you're hot when you get worked up," Jayne commented staring at her.

"Jayne!" Jane blushed and scolded. "And I'm sorry, Sam. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. But this is why, if you're willing, we'd like to help you, so that then you can help us."

"Me?" Sam meekly repeated not wanting to set her off. "How can I help you?"

Jane smiled back at him. "Like I said, there are thousands more Reavers out there and we need all the help we can get."

Sam looked at her skeptically and fearfully, uncertain what she was implying.

"Relax," Jane assured. "No one's going to force you to help with anything. But we started as a group of 47 people descended from the last generation of the Earth's wizarding world. A single transport ship with a crew of eight wonderful, selfless, amazing individuals, well, seven and him, I should say," she corrected jerking her thumb towards Jayne. "We made up this entire operation from the start. As the movie stated, the Alliance was going to ignore you until you all died. Since then we've managed to hire two dozen psychiatrists and psychotherapists and nine medical doctors. All of the other people involved are either former Reavers themselves, or families of them that have come to help."

Sam just nodded impressed with the success of what probably seemed to be an impossible situation.

"Many victims help out here in the hospital, like Lenny I believe you met," Jane commented. "There are also ten strike teams who frequently risk their lives taking the ships out to subdue and capture the Reavers. The ships they fly are parted together from former Reaver ships, and those skilled in mechanics help to salvage those as best they can. Not to mention this is the beginnings of a burgeoning new town, where essentials like food are needed. We do not have the luxury of assistance from the government. So everything is privately financed through the kindness of some very generous people."

"And goblins," Jayne added.

"And goblins," Jane agreed. "Though they may take offense to being called generous."

"So what then?" Sam questioned. "I sign into slavery for a few years and get the good medicine?"

Jane shook her head. "Nothing so dramatic. We are only asking for your help for as long as it takes to correct the errors of the Pax. We're hoping you'll want to stay and get a life close to that which you signed on for when you first moved to Miranda, but no matter how you decide we will help you in any way reasonably possible."

Jane saw Sam was considering her words. "Don't worry. You're not supposed to have an answer yet. This is just something to think about and will be further discussed as a therapist evaluates your improvement and mental well-being. It is the road the vast majority of people have chosen, but there are other options as well."

Sam nodded and asked, "What other options?"

"As you saw in the second movie, magic is real and a very powerful force," Jane replied. "Some people are unable to accept what they used to be, and what they've done. With the use of magic, a wizard can make you forget. It's a long and tedious process, but we can erase the last fifteen years from your memory completely. Some of the people helping have agreed to help for now, but once the Reavers have been suitably dealt with, then, after that, they are going to have their memories wiped and wish to go back towards life elsewhere, completely oblivious to the fact that they used to be a Reaver, that they were on Miranda ever, as well as unaware then that magic is even real. We're hoping time may change their minds, but if that is your wish it too can be done."

Sam shook his head. "I can't even imagine how you could take that knowledge and understanding away."

"And with it gone, you wouldn't need to," Jane replied. She hesitated a moment before adding, "Another option is that some people simply will never be able to accept and understand what they've done. Suicidal thoughts are unfortunately quite common. If that is the case, we're prepared to assist with that as well."

"I just got my life back," Sam said shaking his head. "If you all think you can keep me from turning into one of those things again, then I'm not ready to give that up."

"You're stronger than many," Jane said, thinking about the people who remembered the things they'd done to their very own loved ones. "But even among a few of those, we have some people who have agreed to help until the Reavers are sorted out, and wish to die after that. Even more so with them, we're hoping time may change their minds.

"Many people argued the merciful thing with Reavers would have been to simply exterminate them before they harmed more innocents. When you consider healing a victim forces them to be aware and conscious of the atrocities they unwittingly committed… For some a torturous existence is worse than none at all.

"But the consensus was that the most merciful thing we could do would be to offer each individual the choice. Thankfully almost all of the victims agree to at least postponing their decision until everyone suffering from the same debilitating madness is capable of making a choice."

Sam couldn't contain his yawn, and Jane could see he was fading fast.

"Just some things for you to think about," Jane said and pulled a remote control from her pocket. "There are a half dozen other optional movies, if you want to catch up on the last fifteen years. We're going to be watching your chemical imbalance as it should have just about stabilized by now. If all goes well, in the morning we'll transfer you down to the fourth floor."

Sam nodded and took the remote. "What's on the fourth floor?"

"That's where the therapists will be examining your behavior," Jane said as she got up to leave the room. "Impress them and you'll be out of here and eating meat in no time."

Sam smiled a little and had already shut his eyes as he was drifting off for an extremely restless night of sleep.

* * *

Lenny entered the room, pushing a wheelchair and saw Sam was half-heartedly watching a movie about the sporting events he'd miss out on. 

"Good morning, Sam," Lenny greeted. "Did you get some sleep?"

Sam stopped the movie and grunted in response.

Lenny smiled sadly. "Nightmares, huh?"

Sam nodded.

"Everyone gets them," Lenny admitted. "The only ones who didn't have nightmares had much larger problems."

"You got 'em?" Sam asked looking at Lenny.

Lenny nodded with certainty.

"How long did they last?"

"It varies. Having a significant other sleeping with you has helped quite a few," Lenny explained. "As for me, I'll let you know if they ever stop."

An uncomfortable silence settled while Sam just winced, hoping all his nights weren't going to be like last night.

"Want to talk about it?" Lenny asked.

Sam sighed and let a breath out. "I'm going to have to talk about them, aren't I?"

"Not to me, you're not," Lenny said. "If you want to, I'll listen. But if it's all the same to you, I'd recommend just saving it for the shrinks and mind healers. Because with them, you will have to."

Sam nodded and remembered a question he had earlier, "How'd you get in here? I went to the bathroom last night but couldn't find a door. Certainly adds a nice prison vibe."

"You want to get outta here?" Lenny asked. "Your room downstairs is still getting made up, but I can take you for a little tour of the hospital, if you'd like."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "I wouldn't mind stretching my legs."

"Sorry, Sam. No can do on that one. You have to ride while I push, if you want out."

"I'm not allowed to walk around?"

"In this room, you can, but once you sit in the chair, you don't get up until someone else lets you. So make sure you hit the head, before sitting."

Sam nodded and was stretching his legs. He went to the bathroom and came back out. Lenny was standing behind the wheelchair and let Sam have a seat.

"Whoa," Sam commented. "This is a lot more comfortable than it looks."

"Yup," Lenny explained. "There's a cushioning charm and a sticking charm. That's why you can't get up until a wizard releases you."

Sam lifted his arms and legs but he realized his rear was stuck and going nowhere. "This magic stuff is weird."

"Yup," Lenny explained. "And this is going feel weird too, so close your eyes."

Sam agreed and let Lenny push him outside of the room.

"You can open your eyes now," Lenny explained.

"How'd we get out here?" Sam asked looking down the hall and seeing a number of people walking around the barren hallway.

Lenny began pushing Sam down the hallway and explained, "The doors are hidden so that only those authorized can enter or leave the rooms. Your vision would've fogged as I pushed you through. It's really disorienting, that's why I had you close your eyes."

"Is it like this everywhere?" Sam asked wondering how many doors there were in this hall, because he couldn't see any of them.

"Nope," Lenny explained. "This is the fifth floor, where the victims start. All the rooms, elevators, and stairways on this floor, and the one above it, are hidden with magic. None of the other floors though. You're improving ahead of the average schedule and are being moved to the fourth floor."

"The sixth floor is hidden like this one?" Sam asked seeing a doctor seem to appear in front of him.

"Yeah," Lenny answered. "That's where the people who aren't responding to treatment get sent. Close your eyes, we're at the elevator."

Sam scrunched one eye closed but left the other one open as Lenny pushed him into the elevator. "Whoa," he commented. "That is unpleasant."

Lenny chuckled. "No one believes me when I tell them. They all gotta learn the hard way." Lenny pushed the button for the fourth floor.

Sam thought it was curious he didn't even see buttons for the fifth or sixth floors. "Are there many who don't respond to treatment?"

"Not too many," Lenny explained. "Some of them I think have irreparable brain damage beyond the Pax. But the sixth floor is also where you go to get your memory erased."

Sam looked over his shoulder at Lenny and saw the elevator doors appear before him and open. "They can really do that? Erase memories?"

Lenny nodded and pushed Sam out into the fourth floor. "Yup. For the second generation ones, that's about the only option."

"Second generation what?"

"Reavers," Lenny said. "On your left is a chapel. Father Bob likes to hold mass and encourages everyone to join, regardless of faith. He used to be a Reaver too. Good guy to talk to, if you want as well."

"Wait," Sam interrupted. "Second generation Reavers? There are babies?"

"No, nothing like that," Lenny explained. "It's just every once in a while, mixed among all the other Reavers, there are those who act like Reavers, think like Reavers, but don't have a drop of the Pax in their system."

"How's that possible?" Sam asked.

"Mind if I sit?" Lenny asked. "We've got time to kill."

"Fine by me," Sam replied. "Not like I could stop you anyway."

Lenny stopped over near a waiting area and sat on a couch facing Sam. "No one's really sure about how they got turned into Reavers, but the theory I hear is that they were captured by Reavers and forced to watch as their spouses or children were torn apart and destroyed, probably raped and eaten. And for some reason or another the Reavers either didn't know there was a normal person around, or let them live. And seeing these things just caused them to snap, the madness of what they witnessed destroying their own sense of right and wrong.

"Man's basic instinct of wanting to belong remained and eventually they just joined in," Lenny finished in a whisper. "But their heads are all kinds of messed up in ways different from the rest of us. Treatments and stuff, never quite sticking as their normal Pax-free mind developed a taste for violence and flesh. The only way to get through to them is to erase their memories. But on the plus side is that for those people it hasn't been the full fifteen years so not as much erasing. And they're still often unsafe. I think there have only been a dozen of them, but it's not like they tell me who's who. Dunno if any of them have ever been released."

Sam was watching Lenny and saw the idea didn't even sit well with him. "This is all so messed up."

Lenny shrugged. "I gave up trying to find any rationality in it. But after a while you just kind of accept the situation and figure out how to keep going. Pitching in and helping is probably more therapeutic than anything else around here."

"You don't wanna get out of here?" Sam asked. "Away from all this madness?"

"I'm still holding out hope that my sons are going to turn up," Lenny said. "My wife was killed by the Pax, but since I have the dominant M-gene, there's a decent shot either or both of them got the gene recessively and were turned into Reavers."

"I'm sorry," Sam commented, feeling sadder than even Lenny looked. He was struggling to wrap his mind around the absurdity of _hoping_ that your children were turned into Reavers.

"It's unlikely they would've survived this long because they were pretty young," Lenny said having accepted the reality of his situation. "But it gives me… more purpose. That's why I chose working here in the hospital and with admissions. It means I'm closer to them when they show up."

"I didn't understand that stuff about the M-gene in the movies," Sam commented. "Did it really make that much difference?"

"It made all the difference," Lenny explained and looked at the small chart for Sam. "You've got the dominant gene, same as me. If you didn't have it, you would've died fifteen years ago. Since you had it, you got turned into a Reaver."

"So why does it still matter? It was talked about in that magic movie too."

Lenny grinned. "Oh, I see. Yeah, the M-gene is what indicates a magical person. And what you may not have realized is that if we were born on either Earth-That-Was or Miranda, we both would've been wizards."

"I would've been… a wizard?" Sam repeated.

Lenny nodded. "The M-gene is the wizard gene. Dominant would mean a full-fledged, wand-waving, magic-casting wizard. Recessive means partially magical, and a decent shot your kids would be fully magical."

Sam found himself fighting a smile. "I think I would've liked being a wizard."

"You and me both," Lenny agreed. "And that knowledge helps as well, because of the way the wizards want to try and restart the wizarding world. Knowing we could or should have had a place in it makes it seem not so foreign. If things had worked out better centuries ago, then it would've been our world too."

"Hmm," Sam mused. "I hadn't even considered that."

Lenny nodded. "Yup. On top of that too, is that here, everyone knows what happened with the Reavers, everyone understands. Having discolored skin, massive scars, or an eye patch doesn't even faze anyone. I doubt any other planet in the 'verse would take to the idea of a reformed Reaver among them. Can you imagine the stares? No, that's not for me. This place is my home. And I'm still young enough, that I wouldn't mind finding someone new, and having a little wizard or witch of my own one day."

Sam smiled at the thought. "Thanks for this."

"For what?"

"This," Sam nodded motioning between Lenny and himself. "This talk. Hearing that nurse toe the company line made it sound like they were all saints doing us a huge favor, offering help, spending all their money on us, pretending like they're not asking for anything in return."

Lenny shook his head. "Oh the wizards aren't saints. I mean they got an agenda. They're just open and honest about it. Very few people in the 'verse have the M-gene, but the wizards know that every Reaver has it, at least all the first generation ones.

"For us, it's a second chance on life. For them, it's the best shot at recreating the civilization they left behind on Earth-That-Was."

"You think that's their only agenda?" Sam asked.

Lenny shrugged. "It's the only one I've ever heard of and it makes sense. Considering I was a mindless, vicious beast before they helped me, I'm inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt."

"Yeah," Sam grumbled. "I just hate being indebted to anyone."

Lenny laughed and stood up. "Well, then maybe you should help them out and see if you can't pitch in a little."

Sam sighed and seemed to reluctantly agree.

"Alright, let's finish this tour," Lenny said as he began to push Sam again. "On your left is this floor's cafeteria."

"Uh oh," Sam commented seeing a man getting pelted with grapes. "Lovers' quarrel?"

Lenny snickered. "That's Dr. Tam. He's pretty much the head of the medical department, or at least the non-magical side of it. He worked on my cheeks."

"Is that an escapee from the maternity ward?"

"That's his pregnant fiancée, Kaylee," Lenny explained watching the doctor sit there quietly ignoring the fruit hitting him in the face. "She comes to have two or three lunches a day with him. She's the primary mechanic and fixes up all the ships for the Reaver capture teams. Cheeriest girl you'll ever meet as long as she gets her pickles and strawberries."

"They don't seem like former Reavers or the wizarding type," Sam commented.

"What makes you say that?" Lenny knew Sam was right but was curious how he could tell.

"Working on spaceships or modern medicine aren't exactly the fields people from centuries ago should be proficient at," Sam commented. "And they're too young and pretty to be like us."

"You're right. They're both from Serenity, the ship and crew that started this all." Lenny continued as he pushed them down the hall. He took a right and explained, "You see these bigger offices? These are where some of the group sessions happen. The ones on this floor are for the patients who haven't been released. The floor below has the same layout, and conducts group sessions for those who don't live in the hospital anymore. That's where my groups meet."

"Holy crap," Sam said trying to stop their movement. "Is that a Companion?"

"Hmm?" Lenny stopped. "Who? Inara?"

"Yeah, that's a Companion," Sam said.

"Really?" Lenny said. "Are you sure?"

Sam nodded. "You can tell just by her gait. Something about an air of elegance and confidence in their training. Same way you can spot a soldier among civilians, Companions just stick out."

"That's news to me," Lenny said. "I've never had her for group therapy, but she usually works more with women."

"What's she doing here?" Sam asked, letting Lenny start pushing his chair again.

"I heard she was the cook on Serenity," Lenny said. "But the Captain is awfully protective of her, so who knows."

"Who else is from Serenity?"

"Well, I think you met Mr. Cobb, who sometimes goes on Reaver hunts, and sometimes helps Nurse Conrad."

"He's the one who likes to shoot me?"

Lenny chuckled. "Yeah, that's probably him. And I told you about Inara, Kaylee, and Dr. Tam. Then there's Zoe and River, who do a lot of hunting. River is Dr. Tam's little sister. She's kinda… peculiar. And a bit scary. I'm honestly not sure whether she and Harry are a couple or not. But Harry and the Captain are sort of the unofficial leaders of the planet. Most people call the Captain 'Sheriff Reynolds,' but I would advise against saying that anywhere he can hear you."

Sam got the feeling gossip ran rampant around this place. "Why's that?"

"Well, I mean there hasn't really been any formal governing body or police set up around here. Obviously, we're not exactly going to get any federal help, so people kept bringing their problems and squabbles to Captain Reynolds. He was a Sergeant in the Unification War and has that sort of leadership quality about him."

"No police force at all?" Sam inquired curiously. "With a group this large, and especially considering how volatile it could be, isn't that a bit… risky?"

"With all the wizards who can do magic, and trigger-happy folks with tranquilizer guns, it's easy to put people down, and straighten things out when everyone is a bit calmer. I think they may have talked about trying to get a Chief of Police or a Sheriff, but it's just not come up or they haven't found anyone yet. Why, you interested?"

"I don't know what I'm doing," Sam hesitantly answered. "But I was a Deputy here on Miranda."

"Hey Lenny," Harry called out as he and River approached. "You haven't slipped and eaten any babies, have you?"

Sam's eyes just widened to hear this punk kid joking about that.

"Harry," River warned. "You're scaring the newbie."

"Sam's made of stronger stuff than that," Harry retorted waving her off. "Pleased to meet you, Sam. I'm Harry."

"Hello, Harry," Sam said shaking his hand. "How do you know me?"

"The Captain's been on my case to appoint a Sheriff, so when a cop-turned-Reaver is breezing through rehab I snuck a few peeks at some charts," Harry greeted.

"You making plans for me already?" Sam asked warily.

"Naw," Harry shook his head. "But a fella can hope though, can't he? And most cops I've known try to do the right thing more often than the easy one. It's the administrators and politicians you gotta watch out for."

"Prejudiced much?" Sam retorted.

"Not too much," River answered for Harry. "Maybe a little."

"His room's all set Lenny," Harry answered. "Take it easy till lunch, Sam. You're meeting with Dr. Hobbes after lunch, and then unless you object, I'll be tackling some mind healing with you."

"Mind healing?" Sam asked curiously.

Harry glanced at Lenny and added, "Lenny will fill you in. And you can stand up too, if you want. We're meeting Kaylee for either another late breakfast, or another early lunch. I'm not sure she even knows the difference."

Harry turned and was dragged away by River towards the cafeteria.

Sam watched them go and stood up, glad to be out of the wheelchair. "He's going to be doing mind healing with me? What is mind healing? And how long have I been able to stand?"

"Mind healing is where a wizard goes into your head, makes sure the Reaver-ish tendencies are gone, checks if you're burying any memories from yourself, evaluates if you're going to be a danger."

"Goes into my head?" Sam asked, following Lenny towards his room. "Like reads my thoughts and stuff?"

Lenny winced but nodded. "Yeah. I'm not gonna lie to you. It's not painful, and it doesn't hurt. But you'll never feel more vulnerable, open, and helpless than someone else seeing your every thought and memory."

"And that kid is a wizard? I thought you said he was part of the Serenity crew?"

"Harry's… unique," Lenny tried to diplomatically explain. "I've heard so many different things I'm not even sure what to believe. He wasn't with the other wizards, so I don't even know where he came from. I'm told he's over 150, and pretty much every other wizard treats him with awe. Even though Dr. Fullerton is over 160, he was supposedly named after Harry along with lots of other wizards. They say he's way more powerful than all of the rest and he does seem more comfortable with magic than any other wizard. Sometimes he'll do magic and you won't even realize it. Like when he canceled the sticking charm on your chair."

"That guy?" Sam asked skeptically thinking he looked so much younger than all the other people identified as wizards.

Lenny nodded. "He doesn't usually do mind healing, so I guess he thinks you're a special case."

"What happens if I refuse the mind healing?" Sam asked.

Lenny shook his head. "You'll never get released without it. But you can request a different mind healer. There's a half dozen wizards capable of it, not counting a few others like Harry and Dr. Fullerton."

Sam grunted in frustration.

"Here's your room," Lenny said waving towards it. "Main difference is this floor has windows, and you can move around. And listen, I know how unpleasant the idea of someone inside your head is, but frankly I'm grateful for it. It is a physically harmless process and it's just about the closest thing to a certainty that we won't ever turn into one of those monsters again. They don't do it because they want to make you uncomfortable, and they don't record any of your fears, shames, or even crimes you may have committed. And that one wizard is then someone, who knows the real you. A lot of people find that sometimes that wizard knows them better than they know themselves. But if you're not comfortable, you can put it off until you are comfortable."

Sam had walked over to the window and was looking out and down on the street. He saw a few strange, little brown things that he figured must have been goblins.

Lenny added, "The Pax turned us all into bombs and until someone confirms that you're diffused, no one around will ever really trust you. I'll go get you some lunch. Dr. Hobbes will be with you in about an hour."

Sam glanced back and nodded slightly before becoming lost in his thoughts. He found it hard to believe that this was what reality had turned into and his current understanding was what passed for sanity on this planet.

* * *

"Sheriff Reynolds!" 

"Who said that?" Mal snapped whipping around. "Who was it?"

Harry raised a curious eyebrow. "Is your gun loaded with bullets or tranq darts?"

"What's that matter?"

"Well if it's bullets," Harry replied, "then I'm not sure who said it. But if it's tranquilizers, then it was River."

Mal saw River pointing at Harry from behind Harry's back. He noticed everyone else around the landing docks working on the various spaceships were doing their best to keep their eyes averted.

Harry knew very well what River was doing and ignored her, "And I come bearing good news."

"How good?"

Harry smiled. "It's just about time."

"Really?" Mal asked.

"Yup," Harry answered. "I just spent four hours sorting through the brain of cop with a righteous streak, and it is only a matter of time before he gets released."

"That's a good start," Mal said. "What about the other thing?"

"I know you disagree, but Dr. Fullerton and I both believe this is something we must do."

"You're asking for trouble Harry," Mal said. "But if that's what it takes to get us back in the air, I'm all for it."

Harry grinned. "Not going to try talk me out of this again?"

Mal shook his head.

"You really are itching to get out of here, aren't you?"

Mal shrugged. "This is your world, not mine. I've seen your memories of the wizarding world, but it's more like a movie to me. If you all are thoroughly convinced this is absolutely necessary, then so be it. You'd probably know better than me. And yeah, it's been three months since we even took Serenity back into the sky where she belongs."

River smiled. "It is time. There'll always be the cabinets to get back and forth instantly, but the citizens of Miranda don't need us the way they used to."

"You know they want to change the name of the planet," Harry said. "And I kinda understand why. So if you all have any suggestions for a new name, please pass them along."

"How about Luna?" River said with a smile.

Harry groaned. "Besides that."

"Doesn't Luna mean _moon_?" Mal questioned. "And what's so bad about Luna?"

Harry gave him a tired look. "Because most of the people that like that one think they are doing it for me or to annoy me. Right now it's the most popular idea, and I don't really need my ego boosted any more."

"Who suggested it in the first place?" River asked, having a pretty decent idea.

"I'm sure you can guess," Harry admitted.

"Who?" Mal asked with a grin. "Because naming a magical planet 'moon' is about as logical as the wizarding world is."

"Luna's portrait told them to name the planet after her," Harry said with a sigh. "And unless we can come up with something better, I'm pretty sure that's what they're going with."

"Naw," Mal smirked at Harry's discomfort. "I like that. Maybe there's a moon orbiting here that can get terraformed and named Planet."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You guys want to come? Frank's taking us so it shouldn't even be a full day. While Fullerton and I are taking care of business, Algernon and Peeves are gonna try and swipe some more fuel for Frank. You could help with the thievery, if you want."

"I think I'll wait here," Mal replied. "But you kids have fun."

"Is it Inara's night off?" Harry turned to River.

River nodded solemnly.

"Well that explains everything," Harry said with an obvious wink at the Captain.

River was snickering. "Captain? Are you struggling to figure out if you should be embarrassed or not?"

"Good luck, Harry," Mal said not wanting to continue this conversation any further.

"Why can't Frank just head straight that way? And then we use the cabinets when he's close?" River asked Harry.

"He's gotta drop off some medicine here first," Harry answered. "So we might as well just board him normally."

"Couldn't we just take the medicine through the cabinets too though?"

Harry stopped and wondered how long they'd been using Frank for deliveries and never caught on to this. "Umm… we're uncertain of the… potential magical backlashes."

River rolled her eyes not believing Harry for a second. Simon, Fullerton and Algernon were walking up to them, just as Frank the hyperdrive spaceship touched down and greeted the group.

"I just had a brilliant idea," Harry said to the three approaching men. "We don't need Frank to ever actually make deliveries here. Everything he picks up, we can just get through the cabinets."

River punched Harry in the shoulder.

"Oh and River wants to try and steal credit for that idea from me," Harry said.

"We do that quite often," Simon answered. "But Frank and Peeves like the feel of being on the planet, the magic in the air around here I suppose."

"Not to mention it's kind of rude to Frank," Fullerton added. "He's a good friend, not just a ship to order around at your whims."

"I told you your idea was silly, River," Harry said to her like he was speaking to a small child.

Simon took the two crates from the surprisingly pleasant Peeves. "Thanks Lieutenant," Simon saluted the poltergeist who saluted back.

"River's going to help you steal some juice for Frank," Harry commented. "You guys ready?"

Fullerton and Algernon nodded and boarded the magically alive ship.

"Be careful, River," Simon said giving her a small hug. "You've got your invisibility cloak?"

River nodded and followed Harry onto the small spacecraft.

"How are you feeling, Frank?" Harry asked as the door sealed closed behind them.

"Not too bad, not too bad at all," Frank answered. "We gonna drop in on Antonio?"

The four people were all seated comfortably up on the bridge, as Frank the ship took off towards the sky.

"Nope," Harry said. "We'll bring him up to speed on the way. He'll be conveniently working late, when an emergency session gets called."

"Excellent," Frank agreed. "I love a nice threat of violence to go with my blackmail."

"Alright ladies and gentlemen," Harry said feeling surprisingly dramatic. "It is time to tell the Alliance about the Wizarding World."


	37. CHAPTER THIRTY SIX: Remember Me?

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX – Remember Me?**

Mal walked back towards the hospital knowing he had an hour to kill before Inara's group session was going to be over. It was hard to imagine they'd only been here on Miranda for a little over three months. He'd never have believed it possible, if it hadn't happened.

There were several apartment buildings filled with perfectly normal, perhaps a bit too kindly and pleasant former _Reavers_. The Unification War left a lot of good men with scars that would never heal, and in a twisted way, these folks carry more than their share. And in a lot of ways they were some of the first casualties that jumpstarted the whole thing.

Mal had led men into battle. He'd followed orders he didn't always agree with, and in a few pinches he'd disobeyed them openly. He could forlornly recall talking with a friend one second, only for him to die in his arms moments later. But not even Mal could imagine what he'd do if he woke up from a decade and a half long nightmare with all that blood on his hands. He didn't blame them or hold them responsible but it was hard not to think about what they'd done every time he saw one of them.

It was when they kept coming to Mal for help that he realized just how different they were. These weren't hardened soldiers who could find camaraderie or sympathy in pain. These were victims. Civilians who'd be lost in a fight, they were more doe-eyed and confused than a batch of fresh recruits. Sure a few of them could handle themselves. Those were the ones who signed on to help capture more Reavers. But most of these people were the types who were about as comfortable holding a gun as Jayne was setting his down.

Mal nodded and walked past a small pack of goblins, baring their teeth at him in some sort of smile. Something about their bluntness and abrasiveness meshed real well with Mal while earning the goblins very few friends among the others. The folks of Miranda found the goblins to be helpful, useful, tolerant, and respectful, but you didn't see too many of them making friends. Throw in a little gambling and alcohol though, and it didn't matter if you were covered in scars or brown, wrinkly, and barely four feet tall.

Most people saw the goblins as the things that had dug the mass grave, and they expressed mild gratitude for the giant monument to the losses. But Mal recognized just how much the goblins were contributing: the work repairing and building structures, warding and protecting the area, setting up organizational systems and business practices. And Mal could see how it was going to work just fine. If it had been humans doing what the goblins did, they would have felt underappreciated, just a bad day away from grabbing a gun and opening fire at the office. But the goblins weren't human and they weren't looking for gratitude. They were only looking to get paid. Investing a future where magic was thriving and the interest and returns they got back were not only gold but a dependence on them. It was a lot easier for Mal to understand the goblins than the humans around here and he doubted more magically capable wizards and witches were going to change that.

Mal could almost imagine feeling at home among all these misfits. He just wasn't ready for that yet and he was longing to get back to the sky. He'd made his way back to the hospital and glanced in to see Inara was still in a session.

"Captain Reynolds?"

Mal turned towards the voice and greeted, "Yeah?"

"I thought that might be you," the man smiled and extended his hand to shake. "I'm Sam Rogers."

"Nice to meet you, Sam," Mal replied. He saw the man was a little unsure of himself and asked, "Something I can help you with?"

Sam shook his head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to keep you from anything. I just wanted to introduce myself and could tell you weren't exactly of the wizarding or Reavering type."

Mal nodded and knew Inara could be another half hour still. "How's your recovery coming?"

Sam shrugged. "They tell me it's going good, but having someone in your head is a bit… uncomfortable."

"I can imagine," Mal grinned. "Everything about this place is a bit surreal."

"From what I've seen surreal is pretty ordinary for the wizards," Sam wryly commented and glanced towards where Mal had been looking. "Though Harry tells me not judge them all based off of him."

"Harry?' Mal asked curiously.

Sam nodded. "Harry Potter, he's who was in my head, said he was organizing it for me. Not exactly sure what he did, but I'm noticing a lot more. It's like he's got me thinking quicker or observing things subconsciously."

"You're the cop," Mal stated in realization.

Sam nodded. "I was a Deputy for probably a month before the Pax. Still not sure where to go from here though."

"You're not thinking of leaving, are you?"

Sam shrugged. "Can't leave until they release me, or so I'm told."

"Gonna make a run for it?" Mal inquired with a smirk.

Sam shook his head. "Wouldn't tell the Sheriff if I was."

"Remind me to shoot Harry."

Sam chuckled. "So how are things around here? Considering your reluctant title and Harry's none-too-subtle hinting for me, I'm curious what you can tell me about this place."

"You met any goblins yet?" Mal asked curiously.

Sam shook his head. "I've seen a couple making deliveries and watched them from my window but haven't been introduced."

Mal nodded. "Just curious because right now the goblins outnumber the people around here. It's not gonna stay that way for long though."

"There's that many?" Sam asked in surprise.

"Yup," Mal agreed. "They're the ones doing almost all the work in the background. You ever dealt with a businessman who wasn't nice or friendly, but was very good at his job and you could always count on him for that?"

Sam nodded.

"That's almost all of the goblins," Mal explained. "They can take care of themselves too. The people on the other hand are all spectrums of emotional. Knock 'em out, calm 'em down, and have a doc make sure they're okay. That's it. This Reaver rehab thing won't last forever. But other than that it's just a perfectly normal new planet getting settled and finding its place in the 'verse."

"Right," Sam chuckled. "Perfectly normal."

Mal shrugged. "If one of the magical folk went bad, then you'd have all sorts of problems."

"Me?" Sam smirked. "You're already assigning me the job?"

"You're asking about it, aren't you?"

Sam sighed.

"Don't think too much on it," Mal commented. "This ain't a situation that's ever happened before and there's only so much preparing for the future a man can do."

Sam grinned slightly when he saw Mal unconsciously looking towards the group session while he was talking about the future. He had a feeling Mal didn't realize he was being so obvious. "So why are you desperate to leave here? You're helping a lot of people."

Mal glanced over at him before looking away. "This ain't my life. This ain't me. I've done my part and will help out when I can, but I'm not giving up everything I am to try and save everyone. You folks can save yourselves."

"What about her?" Sam said gesturing towards Inara.

Mal quirked his lips into a tight smile. "I'm taking her with me."

Sam chuckled at how happy he sounded. "She's a Companion, right?"

Mal had to force himself to admit, "Yup."

Sam could tell he touched a nerve. "How soon are you leaving?"

Mal shrugged. "Harry's dead set on gumming up the works a bit right now, but as soon as I can."

"What's Harry doing?"

Mal turned to him. "Not sure that's any of your business."

Sam grinned. "If you're expecting me to be the Sheriff, I'd like to think it is."

"You're taking the job?"

"I got a choice?"

Mal grinned back. "They're informing the Alliance of this little planet's operation."

"Oh," Sam commented and considered. "I guess that's good news."

"Is it?"

"From what I gather they'd find out anyway," Sam explained. "At least this way, they get the truth from the parties involved. That and you're still the Sheriff."

Mal rolled his eyes. "I'm not exactly in their good graces."

"I heard you were a pretty decorated Sergeant in the war," Sam commented.

"Not on their side I wasn't," Mal added.

"Oh…" Sam realized. "They're not the forgive-and-forget type?"

Mal chuckled. "Not to mention we're also the ones who aired their dirty laundry three years ago."

"Hmm?"

"We spread the wave about how the Reavers were created by experimentation that'd been covered up," Mal said. "That didn't sit too well with them."

"And I suppose setting up this place won't be winning over any favors much either."

"I'm hoping Harry will leave our part of it out of his little discussion," Mal added. "But still, all the more reason that it's time for us to go."

The door across from them opened up and a dozen female former Reavers came walking out. Inara was putting her notes and paperwork away into a magically sealed cabinet and came out smiling. "Waiting for me?" she grinned at Mal.

"Thought you might want to grab some dinner," Mal smiled.

"Cafeteria?"

Mal nodded and introduced, "Sam, this here's Inara. Inara, meet Sheriff Rogers."

Sam shook her hand. "I'm still not sure on that particular title."

"Oh?" Mal asked. "You got a choice?"

"Stop it, Mal," Inara scolded and turned to Sam. "Don't listen to him. He gets antsy when he's stuck on the surface this long."

"No, Ma'am," Sam grinned. "He's probably right."

"There's a first," Inara snickered ignoring Mal's mocking look of hurt.

"I used to be a Deputy on Miranda, and Harry's been rushing through my mind healing," Sam explained.

"Really?" Inara grinned. "Care to join us for some dinner?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude," Sam said looking at Mal intently.

"Come on, Sam," Mal grinned. "It's the least we can do for the new Sheriff."

Sam agreed when he saw Mal wasn't bothered by the invitation and followed them back towards the cafeteria. He was following them away from the normal line before they disappeared from sight, leaving Sam standing there in confusion.

"Whoops," Mal reappeared. "Close your eyes and I'll pull you in here."

Sam realized there was an invisible door and let Mal lead him in. He kept following Mal as they continued to walk, in what was beginning to seem like circles. "Can I open them yet?"

"Stop it Mal!" Inara snickered.

Mal let go of his hand and sat down. "Nope, not yet."

Sam opened his eyes knowing he was being mocked.

"Just wanted to see how long you'd keep them closed for." Mal grinned.

Sam saw they were in a break room of sorts with a couple of mini-fridges and a large table in the middle. "I guess we're not eating in the cafeteria?"

"Just a hidden side door," Inara explained. "Kitchen's through there and we can get anything you want made fresh."

"Too good to dine with the common folk?" Sam asked, making it clear he was simply teasing.

"Nothin' like that," Mal said, bending down to a mini-fridge. "Just can't allow alcohol in the public areas of the hospital. You want a beer?"

"Yeah," Sam agreed immediately. "Please."

"He's still healing," Inara scolded briefly.

"It's one beer," Mal assured her, handing cold longnecks to both of them. "And he had Harry in his head for four hours earlier."

Inara winced and wasn't really all that concerned in the first place. "Fair enough. Where is Harry about anyways?"

"You don't wanna know," Mal grumbled and stuck his head through the kitchen door. "Whatcha want, Sam?"

Sam was hungry and tired of the fruits and veggies, but didn't want to freak them out. "What're you guys having?"

"Chicken pasta salad," Inara said. "Ray-ray's working and he makes it best."

"Burger and fries for me," Mal commented. "And after having Harry in your head like that, I'm sure you're fine for meat, if that's what you're worried about."

Sam nodded grateful he didn't have to explain himself, realizing how different he was from these two. "I'll try the chicken pasta salad, I think. Don't feel up to tempting fate right now."

Mal nodded and yelled back into the kitchens their orders.

Sam sat quietly watching the two lovesick puppies forget his presence for a moment. It barely took three minutes before a man with some serious scarring on his forehead came in carrying their meals.

"I'm starving," Inara said eyeing her food hungrily.

She dug in with gusto, while Mal grinned at Sam. "Eat up."

"Sweet Merlin," Jane called out as she entered the room. "My feet are killing me."

Jayne was following dutifully behind her. "Want me to shoot them?"

"Will you stop offering to shoot things?" Jane snapped irritably. She only now noticed the others already in the back room. "Sam? What're you doing here? Is that a beer? And chicken? What're you think you're…" She stopped and shrugged. "Meh. I don't even have it in me."

Sam had been worried for a moment, smiled and grinned. "Nurse Conrad," he greeted before taking another bite of his salad.

"Burger?" Jayne said succinctly.

"Burger," Jane answered back.

Jayne placed their orders, while Jane asked, "So what does bring you back here, Sam?"

"We were just inviting the new Sheriff to join us for a meal," Mal grinned.

"That was quick," Jane commented looking at Sam.

"Does that mean we're leaving soon?" Jayne looked up hopefully.

"Depends on when Harry gets back," Mal grumbled. "And what he has to say."

"Where'd he go?" Inara asked.

Mal was munching on his fries. "Remember that horrible idea we were trying to talk him out of?"

"The Alliance?" Jayne asked skeptically.

Mal nodded. "Yup. I figure we got a few hours before they mobilize to destroy the planet."

"Don't be so dramatic," Inara scolded. "Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean it's a horrible idea."

"Oh I understand it," Mal admitted. "It just doesn't make any sense to me."

Jane shook her head. "The wizarding world and muggle worlds can work great together. And we will need the government's help to keep things secret from the rest of the populace."

"How can you trust them?" Mal asked. "What makes you so sure they're not just going to try and destroy you all, before your numbers grow?"

"We don't trust them," Jane insisted as their burgers arrived and Jayne handed her a beer. "But our risks are magnified if we were to try and keep it all a secret. And if they tried to destroy us… well, we'd fight back."

"And you'd lose," Mal snapped.

Jane shrugged. "We've got a home worth protecting now, and we've got over a thousand goblins who want to protect it just as much. To be honest, the lower numbers are completely irrelevant compared to the unknown quantity of magic. We couldn't match their firepower, but a single invisible man could easily completely control the free will of Generals and Parliamentary leaders."

"Harry knows what he's doing," Jayne announced sharing the extent of his opinion on the matter. He saw a few frowns and snickers from the others at the table. "Doesn't he?"

* * *

"This better be good," the blonde man grumbled to himself. He was the last one to arrive at the conference room. The recognized and publicly known leaders of the Parliament were interspersed among a few other men, whose identities were unknown to all but a select few. It had been almost three years ago that this many were all assembled and even then their memories were a bit hazy on remembering why. 

"I don't appreciate emergency calls for session at 1:30 in the morning," Grunner announced entering the room. The doors swung shut behind him as he saw a couple dozen other people standing around the room looking just as irritated as him.

"Neither do I," a short stout man snapped back at Grunner. "So tell us why the hell you called us here and maybe we can leave quicker."

"Me?" Grunner looked at them all in confusion. "I certainly didn't initiate this meeting."

A few of them were glancing around at each other uneasily.

"It came from your private line," one man pointed out. "So if it wasn't you, who was it?"

In a corner no one noticed, a firm voice spoke up. "That would be me."

Every head swung around to stare at the older gentlemen hiding behind no glamour charm, wearing a suit as fine as any of their own.

"Who are you?"

Harry smiled slightly and dangerously. He briefly cracked his knuckles and explained, "Today, who I am is not nearly as important as what I am."

Warning bells were ringing in their heads but no one wanted to show weakness in front of any of the others. A brave voice smarmily asked, "And what are you?"

Harry held his arms behind his back and sauntered his way around the assembled group. "You can stop hitting your panic buttons and emergency signals. They're not getting out. I can promise you that."

More than a few of them were feeling extremely nervous now.

Fullerton was standing back under an invisibility cloak. He was watching the confidence and ease Harry had and felt like he was watching a Dark Lord manipulating his pawns. He had to admit he'd be tempted to accept Harry's mark himself.

"This may take a little while too," Harry said calmly, like a predator stalking his prey. "So why don't you all…" With a simple motion of bringing his hands together, every man in the room was slid into place. Previously they had been assembled around all sides of the large table, some standing, some seated. But suddenly their reality had shifted, and they all found themselves sitting neatly in two rows, like a class facing their lecturer. They weren't sure when, but the lights in the room had dimmed, leaving a gentle spotlight on Harry, ensuring their eyes were focused exclusively on him.

Cries of fear and confusion began pouring out, while a few of the more sedate figures merely observed Harry and pretended like they weren't rattled in the slightest.

"Do be quiet, please," Harry stated in a clear order, having yet to raise his voice. "I can assure you, I have absolutely no intention of hurting any of you." They calmed momentarily to look at him, while he allowed a small smirk to play on his lips. "Mind you, those are only my intentions. Not promises."

Harry shifted his weight slightly from his right foot to his left. "And just for the sake of making things easier, let's break a few mental blocks." Harry stuck both of his hands palm out at the assembled group of men and clenched them into fists as though he was crunching something up.

Fullerton could tell this was almost entirely for show, but the misdirection and ease with which the magic was responding impressed him. He felt no shame in admitting Harry Potter was a wizard without equal, even if Harry thought it was just the role he was playing.

All around the room, the various men felt memories flooding into their heads. Actions from the past three years they had been unable to remember came to the forefronts of their minds. With the memory charms broken, they began to tremble at the power of the word _obliviate_.

"Oh my god…"

"Wizard!"

"What's happening?"

And the blonde man known as Grunner, who'd previously been masking his fear and uncertainty of the situation was now shivering in fright. "You… you're…"

The man sitting next to him finished his statement while wondering what in the universe they had unleashed. "Harry Potter."

Harry grinned back at them. "I'm glad to see I've not been forgotten." His words were cutting straight to their own weaknesses and vulnerabilities at the fact that he had been forgotten, but only because he had chosen to be.

One of the more spry men couldn't take it and leapt from the chair he'd been unaware he was sitting in. He sprinted for the door, squealing without an ounce of composure.

"Sit." Harry swept his finger in front of him directing the man who was thrust backwards across the ground and landed right back in his seat. "Calm." Harry called out flicking that same index finger straight at the man. It was like a switch had been flipped and the terrified man was instantly replaced with a relaxed and obediently watching eager student.

The other men all stifled gasps at the sight, unable to deny the veracity of all they'd seen and now remembered.

Fullerton was grateful for his silencing charm and was impressed at how Harry could mislead them into thinking his finger's motions or words had anything to do with the magic being cast on them.

"I am Harry Potter," he began softly once he had everyone's undivided attention. He made no movement or sound as his suit seemed to dissolve into the ether, revealing some of the finest and strongest battle robes ever created. "And I am a… _wizard_." He stood there enjoying the silence with a knowing smile and resisted the urge to call up some wind to make his image even more imposing. He was thinking he'd save the wind for later.

"I thought you were a wizard hero," one of the more collected men called out.

Harry chuckled lightly, well aware of the effect the sound of his laughter had on them. "Hero is such a subjective word. One man's hero is another man's villain. And if I am a hero, then it is likely as you said, that I am a hero… _to wizards_."

They all were exchanging uneasy looks at the thought of others like him.

"But my personal power and capabilities are not to be the focus tonight," Harry continued. "I merely wish to demonstrate that when I speak of wizardry and magic, these are not simply parlor tricks." He had prepared a number of spells and illusions, weaving the magic around him subtly, triggering and releasing it as needed.

Suddenly stepping out from the darkness, there appeared a second identical Harry Potter. He added, "Magic is a beautiful and amazing force capable of things far beyond our understanding or even imagination."

A third Harry Potter stepped out on the other side of Harry, and it continued. "It can be used to smite the evil in the world or to save and help the sick and needy."

Another Harry Potter appeared at the side of them. "I've studied magic for well over a century and a half, and the one thing I am most certain of is that I've only scratched the surface."

On the other side another Harry Potter continued, "Were it possible to… _banish_ me, it wouldn't ever affect the truth that you must accept."

"To fight Magic would be like fighting Life itself," more Harry Potters began appearing and the room was beginning to fill. "But like Life we should strive to unravel its mysteries, respect its dangers, and cherish it for fear of its absence."

"Magic is," another Harry Potter appeared, "and always will be."

"And I am just one man," the first original Harry said with a grin and in the blink of an eye, he was the only one there in the room.

Fullerton saw the effect on the others and realized that they were even more impressed than he was. When Harry told him that illusions were something of a specialty of his, Fullerton was eager to see just what he had in mind.

"I come here in a gesture of good will, to be open and honest about the truth of Miranda. Both about what you've done…" Harry paused knowing they were hanging on his every word. "And what I've been doing."

"In the spirit of honesty, I should explain that I know a fair amount about all of you," Harry stuck his hand through the fake wall blocking the series of video displays they'd prepped. He pulled on the wall, as if it were cloth and tugged the entire thing away into a tiny black ball revealing five rows of five screens each. He flicked his fingers up and let it explode into a tiny shower of colored lights.

"I'm not here to judge you," Harry explained as the twenty five displays behind him came to life. Each one was showing personal highly classified information on all of them. Video clips of them in places they shouldn't be, tender moments of their friends and families, information and photos of both public and private documents.

Each and every man was staring at their own screens, frightful that anyone had access to all these things. Images were flashing and cascading around in a display that left them all silent. Spiraling in towards the center, the movies of their lives stopped playing, leaving no names, only their Social Control Numbers displayed brightly on the screen.

Harry's smile dropped and an imposing demeanor replaced it. "Nor should you come away from tonight believing me to be naïve."

"What is that you want?" Grunner found himself asking when it seemed no one else was going to speak up.

"For us to reach an agreement and understanding," Harry answered honestly. He lifted a hand to stall their interruption. "But first you need to know more."

The screens behind him flickered again and the group of all screens acted as one.

"I was born in the twentieth century," Harry began, "and killed my first demon before the turn of the millennium. I lived throughout the twenty-first century and saw the magical and non-magical worlds co-existing in peace, if not harmony."

Images of the Earth-That-Was in all its glory were visible, both magical and non-magical. Large groups and crowds of wizards were interspersed with those of muggle sporting events, showing how similar they were. The men were all staring at the screens, some still resistant to the idea that the magical world was so real and vast.

"The leaders of the non-magical world were all aware of the magical world," Harry continued as videos of Harry meeting with Kings and Presidents played. "And they assisted the magical world in keeping the secret of its existence from the general population. Occasionally the two worlds looked to each other for help when situations became dire but it was more tolerance of each other than anything nearing true understanding and cooperation."

The video continued to play, showing stock footage of the planet as people left in the giant ships. "As you know the planet Earth rapidly became uninhabitable," Harry continued and paused as a computer generated recreation showed the oceans boiling away and earth's crust melting. Suddenly the animations gave way to stark, eerie video. "This is what it looks like today."

A few of the men gave each other nervous glances, knowing the truth that this was exactly what the Earth-That-Was looked like, only it appeared there was far more footage and detail in this video.

"It saddens me to see what she has become in my absence," Harry continued sadly, leaving it to them to infer the possibility that he could have saved or protected the planet. "We have begun trying to restore and save her, but it is a long and arduous process. One I would like to ask for your assistance with, as well, if you're willing." Harry was inwardly smiling and shook his head as though fixing the Earth was just a small hobby of his. "But I'm getting sidetracked here."

"The problem arose when terraforming all the original post-Earth planets, no one bothered to discover that they were all lacking in magic. This was the downfall of the wizarding world." Harry sighed. "And that is the reason none of you had ever heard of magic before. For all intents and purposes, there weren't any wizards or magical creatures around for centuries…" Harry grinned and let the words drip out of his mouth, "until you _called upon_ me, as I believe Mr. Stalworth so eloquently put it."

The others all looked at him and Grunner knowing very well that it was those two who'd started this situation.

"Don't blame them," Harry waved them off. "This situation was beyond the control of all but Fate and Destiny. An inevitable sequence of events was triggered in 2506 when your scientists tried to play God with the human spirit on the planet Miranda. You crossed a line that no mortal should ever approach. Life responded and Magic… woke up."

Fullerton was snickering inside his silencing charm as he saw these men had little choice but to believe all that they were being told.

"Whether you accept there are powers and forces stronger than those of man matters little. It has no bearing on the situation you are now presented with. I've come to tell you, Miranda is the new home of the wizarding world." Harry had stopped and was leaning forward with his arms on the table, as if daring any of them to challenge him.

"Steps have been taken to ensure the wizarding world will never disappear again," Harry continued as leaned back and seemed to tower over the men before him.

"We're not going to stand for this!" The man known as Jenkins blurted out, unable to contain his fear at such a loss of control.

Harry tilted his head and looked at him like a small annoyance.

"We'll hunt every last one-"

Harry snapped his fingers and snarled at Jenkins, vanishing his mouth. "I asked you nicely to be quiet. To destroy the wizarding world would be to destroy your own civilization. Your future successes and failures are tied together in ways beyond your understanding."

Harry smirked as Jenkins was turning red and clawing at his own face. "Breathe through your nose and relax." Harry ignored his struggles and continued when he saw no one else was paying the mouthless man any attention. "As I was saying, I come here offering the first gesture of the wizarding world's good will."

Harry stopped his pacing and turned to them. "Your foolish ambition caused the genocide of thirty million people and the creation of the monsters known as Reavers. Your solution to this problem was to let the Reavers continue to destroy villages on the outer rim and just wait for them to die. Millions more would die because you found no solution that would reflect well on your public image."

Harry stared them down seriously and stated, "The wizarding world has assumed responsibility for your problem. They are curing the Reavers as we speak, saving not only the victims of your drug themselves, but also the countless future victims of the Reavers uncontrolled actions."

Harry stood there and waited for them to say something. He wasn't going to continue until one of them asked.

They were exchanging looks, uncomfortable in the silence. Finally, Stalworth asked, "You're… curing the Reavers?"

Harry nodded simply. "Nearly a thousand have been captured so far with a rehabilitation rate of almost ninety percent. Not all of them can be saved, but ending their misery is preferable to leaving them to continue their vile acts."

"You're serious?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Harry looked at him as though he was scolding a naughty child. "Because the wizarding world and non-magical world can make each other better. The wizarding world is here extending you this olive branch, hoping you're wise enough and willing to accept it."

"And if we don't?"

Harry turned to them and let the lights dim, letting the corners of his mouth turn up in a downright vicious grin. He let his eyes glow red and flicker like flames, while his hair and cloak rippled in a magical wind. His voice dropped an octave and he added a reverberating echo to make his words stand out even more. "Then you'd be well on your way to making an enemy of the wizarding world. And no Gods on Mount Olympus would save you this time."

Harry was slowly floating off the ground with his arms extended, staring them all down, as balls of crackling green energy began to pool in his hands. Lights began arcing from the monitors like flashes of lightning striking Harry. With each hit, his eyes would glow and the green balls of energy in his hand grew brighter.

Suddenly as quick as it started, it had ended. The ambient lighting returned to its slightly dim level, Harry was back on the ground, and there was no wind in the room. Harry was mesmerized looking at the green energy remaining in his hand as he slowly molded it into a seed. It started small, sprouting a sapling, and then it quickly grew into an olive branch like life being created there in his hand. Harry swirled his hand and let the branch slowly float to the middle of their table. He cast a protection and sticking charm on it ensuring it couldn't ever be removed.

"Suffice it to say, wizards will make better allies than enemies," Harry answered completely unconcerned with his dramatic demonstration.

The men remained silent, not a single one thinking any of them had any measure of control in this situation at all. A few exchanged uneasy looks, while others steadfastly refused to even look at the other men in the room.

"You're not giving us much of a choice here," Stalworth commented.

Harry smiled and could tell he was the most willingly accepting of the situation, not the reluctant or confrontational attitude he was displaying. "You always have a choice. That's what makes you human. Trying to take that choice away from the people on Miranda was what brought us here."

Stalworth saw the others were all sufficiently speechless and fearful for the lives at the moment. "I think we're beginning to understand, though I'm still not clear on what sort of agreement you're looking for."

Harry's eyes were twinkling after a _Legilimency_ sweep of the room, knowing he'd already convinced a few people to his side. "I want the wizarding world and non-magical world to co-exist. I think it's in both of your best interests to maintain the secrecy of magic, and I would like the leaders of both worlds to be willing to hear each other out at the very least."

"You pulled us here in the middle of the night and forced us to hear you out," Stalworth said. "How would our saying yes or no change that from happening again?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm here because I'm your connection. I'm the catalyst you brought into being and I'm here informing you of what is happening, appealing to your sensibilities in the hope that you will accept their help, ask for it when you need it, and offer your own in return."

Harry smiled slightly and shook his head. "But I'm not a leader of the wizarding world. Leaders inspire followers. I inspire sycophancy. Consider me the reluctant mediator between the two worlds in case problems arise."

"So what now?" Grunner grumbled. "What's it going to take for you to leave so that we can go to bed?"

"Now," Harry stated after glaring at him briefly. "Now, if I may be so bold, I would like to see you appoint an official Magical Liaison who can represent the Alliance's interests to the wizarding world, and whose job it is to keep the Alliance aware of the wizarding world's interests."

"I'm guessing you have a wizard in mind you want us to hire?" Stalworth suggested.

"No," Harry shook his head. "A wizard would represent the wizarding world's interests more than your own. But I do have someone in mind, someone who has wronged me personally and who does in fact, _work_ for you."

Stalworth glanced over at Grunner and smiled knowing who he had in mind. "Really? Him?"

Harry nodded. "Is that acceptable?"

Stalworth merely glanced at Grunner and saw no one else was objecting. He nodded silently at Harry.

Harry smiled back letting Fullerton trigger the next action.

The conference room door swung open and a frazzled, wide-eyed Antonio Weatherby hurried into the room. "Sir! I received your message and got here as soon as I could."

Grunner glanced at the others while Harry was just standing there indifferent. "When did you get my message?"

"Just," Antonio glanced at his watch. "Thirteen and half minutes ago. Is everything alright?"

Grunner just gestured towards Harry.

Antonio spun around and spotted the apparent presenter at this curiously late meeting, mentally reviewing his part in this play. Antonio glanced from Harry back towards all the others assembled in rows watching him. He saw no one was speaking up and asked Harry, "Do I know you?"

Just as they'd planned, Harry stuck his palm out and clenched it into a fist, pretending he was removing a memory charm from Antonio like he had the others.

Antonio shook his head a bit before glancing back up at Harry. His eyes went wide in fright before he shrieked femininely and ran from the room.

Harry was fighting a smile as he magically pulled him back into the room. He dropped all pretense of amusement and looked angrily at him. "Antonio Weatherby! I trusted your family and by extension you. You've wronged me and I am calling upon you to repay that debt."

"I don't wanna die," Antonio whined, inwardly thinking this was too much fun.

"While potentially amusing," Harry smirked, "your death would serve no purpose. I am asking you to restore yourself and your family to a place of honor among the wizarding world and the non-magical world."

"There's a wizarding world? But… I mean… what…"

"Get a hold of yourself, Weatherby," Grunner snapped in irritation. "You're getting a promotion and it is going to be officially classified."

Antonio took the opportunity to move closer towards the men on the other side of the room and further away from Harry. "Yes sir. Thank you, sir." He kept warily stealing looks at Harry. "Umm… what kind of promotion?"

"Ask him," Grunner said pointing at Harry.

Harry stared at Grunner condescendingly, waiting until the blonde man looked away in meek submission. Harry turned to Antonio, "You are going to be the non-magical Liaison to the wizarding world."

Antonio whimpered and inched closer to the other men.

"You are responsible for keeping the leaders of the non-magical world abreast of the current events of the wizarding world. When they have questions or inquiries about the wizarding world, they are to go through you. Just the same as when wizards have questions about the non-magical world they will come to you first. This is an opportunity to make a difference."

Antonio looked at the other men hopelessly and asked, "Do I have to?"

"Yes," Stalworth spoke up immediately. "The best place for you to serve your government is in this position."

"Okay," Antonio meekly agreed. He seemed to be willing to look everywhere but Harry. He stood there in the silence. The other men were just waiting silently watching Harry.

Harry sighed tiredly looking at all the looks he was receiving. "I apologize. I can see I've made many of you uncomfortable, so I think perhaps I should go. Before I do, allow me an introduction." Harry swung his arm in a circle creating a large floating ring of fire. He whipped his fingers across the so-called portal and the center of the ring flickered into a bright white light. Harry stepped through the imaginary portal, when in truth he was merely turning himself invisible. Inside the silenced area, he made sure Fullerton was ready and they magically 'appeared' coming out from the flaming portal.

Harry had yet to raise his voice and appeared as calm as ever. He waved his hand and the giant flaming portal shrunk in size until it had completely disappeared. "Gentlemen," Harry began. "I'd like you to meet former Headmaster Dr. Harry Fullerton. Until the wizarding world has a more formal established government, he is the recognized leader and figurehead for the wizards of Miranda."

Fullerton's eyes widened and turned to Harry. "You've… told them?"

Harry nodded. "It is time."

Fullerton turned to all the other men and smiled slightly. "Hello."

Harry pointed towards Antonio, "Antonio Weatherby. He is going to be your contact and the Alliance's Magical Liaison Ambassador of sorts."

"Antonio Weatherby? As in the one who…"

Harry nodded.

Fullerton grinned and walked up to Antonio, extending his hand to shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Antonio. I was a friend of some of your ancestors."

Antonio shook the calm, normal man's hand and just smiled weakly. "Dr. Fullerton."

Fullerton turned to Harry and asked, "So what are we doing here? It's kinda late, in case you didn't notice."

Harry grinned and explained. "I've been briefing them on the current state of the wizarding world, but I fear my presence is making them more uncomfortable than helpful."

"Ahh," Fullerton understood.

"These are the various leaders of certain unnamed agencies, as well as the Parliament," Harry continued.

"How do you do," Fullerton said with a courteous bow of his head.

"I'll leave you all to discuss the details," Harry said nodding towards the eerily silent men. "Joint work on repairing the Earth-That-Was, perhaps details of the Reaver situation and how to ensure nothing like it ever happens again, and specifically – this is non-negotiable – the complete abandonment and dissolution of Operation E-271."

"What's Operation E-271?" Antonio asked curiously.

Harry nodded towards a thus-far silent man standing near the back. "Mr. Bauer?"

The man saw everyone turn to him. He carefully answered, "I'm not sure I can recall-"

"Mr. Bauer," Harry interrupted impatiently, making it quite clear he knew he was lying.

A slight twitch of his jaw was the only sign of his discomfort. He spoke up, "Operation E-271 was our plan to destroy Miranda."

"You built the bomb to do it," Harry added.

Bauer gulped slightly at how well informed Harry obviously was. "Like you said," Mr. Bauer argued. "Just wanted to ensure nothing like that ever happens again."

Harry nodded silently. "I thank you for your time."

"Wait," Stalworth called out, surprising many of the others eager for Harry to leave. "How can we contact you, if we need to?"

"If you need to contact me, I'll know. But I'm not at your beck and call." Harry turned to Fullerton and smirked. "Watch out for Stalworth. He can smile when he lies with unnatural ease." Harry saw Stalworth was smiling unabashedly at him. He just stared and looked at all the men still sitting in the room. He let the silence hang for a moment when another arc of lightning jumped from the viewing screens behind him, striking Harry, as he disappeared from view.

The man known as Jenkins was relieved to suddenly have his mouth back and let out a loud sigh.

Harry decided to add in one last overly dramatic gesture, letting only his voice echo around the room as he bid them, "Good night." He was rewarded by an obvious twitch from Jenkins.

"Bugger," Fullerton said to no one in particular.

"Something the matter?" Stalworth asked watching the other wizard curiously.

Fullerton shook his head. "Just means I've got a long ride back to Miranda."

"So there are limits to magic?" Grunner asked curiously, sensing this wizard was more controllable.

Fullerton nodded. "There are definitely limits to what wizards are capable of and interplanetary travel is not something I'm in the mood to experiment with."

"Isn't that how you arrived?" Another man curiously asked.

"Harry brought me here. It was nothing I did," Fullerton was inwardly proud of Harry's little take on good cop-bad cop that they'd affectionately named good wizard-vengeful god. "You want to come with me, Antonio? I'll show you around Miranda. When we get there, if you want, Harry's got a portal for instantaneous travel to Earth-That-Was."

Antonio turned to Grunner. "Sir?"

Grunner got up and walked with Antonio. He turned to Fullerton and assured him, "Yes, he'll go with you. I just want to brief him on procedures."

Fullerton simply nodded, inwardly rolling his eyes at the idea they have procedures in place for a situation like this. He watched as Grunner and Antonio walked out the door and down the hall.

"Question," Stalworth asked. "You said you knew Antonio's _ancestors_?"

Fullerton nodded. "Yes. I'm not sure what branch of the family he's from, but several of the Weasleys were friends and confidants of mine."

"How… are you still alive?"

Fullerton chuckled. "I'm not ashamed of my age, if you were reluctant to ask. I haven't yet celebrated my 170th birthday, but it is less than two months away. I came over on one of the magically exclusive metroships entitled the Godric-8. I believe you can check the manifest and verify this."

Fullerton glanced towards the door wondering how long Antonio's mini-briefing was going to take. "What you wouldn't be able to verify is that in 2266, I and several dozen others of the last generation of wizards disappeared. That was so that we can restart the wizarding world. We'll provide you with a complete census, if you like."

"Harry Potter… _did that_?"

Fullerton shrugged. "He _is_ Harry Potter."

"What do you mean?" Stalworth asked curiously. "I thought he was just another wizard."

"Just another wizard," Fullerton chuckled. "Well, he was definitely born a wizard, I'll give you that."

"He told us he was a wizard," one of the men stated. "Was he lying?"

Fullerton opened his mouth and then closed it. He was enjoying this far more than he should have been. Remembering the rough plan, he figured a little fabrication mixed with truth would work well here. "Wizards have a certain amount of internal magic in them, much the same way all humans, wizard or not, have life in them. Some wizards have more magic than others, and that's what allows them to cast more powerful spells. But in a few cases throughout history, there have been people who actually have more magic in them than life. Harry's one of those people. The last one before him was millennia ago."

"What does that mean?" Stalworth asked curiously. "Having more magic than life?"

Fullerton winced and was scratching the back of his neck, acting like he was revealing more than he should. "When life is extinguished in him, he still has magic remaining. And magic is considered one of the building blocks to creating life. That's why the Earth-That-Was, a magical planet, was capable of creating life as we know it. Having magic left after his life is gone means life comes back on its own from the magic remaining… basically Harry can only die, if he chooses to."

"You honestly expect us to believe he's immortal?"

Fullerton shrugged. "His secret kinda came out of the bag when he was at ground zero of the Empty-A Bomb in London in 2055. But yeah, as far as the wizarding world is concerned, Harry Potter was born a wizard… and became a God."

The questions came to abrupt end as they just stared at Fullerton in silence.

"I'm all set," Antonio announced as he came back in carrying a new briefcase proudly.

"Excellent," Fullerton agreed. "Would you like to get a few changes of clothes?"

Antonio nodded. "Please." He noticed everyone else was looking far more uncomfortable than when he'd left.

Fullerton looked at Antonio and asked, "Do you live on this planet?"

Antonio nodded well aware Fullerton already knew the answer.

Fullerton looked into Antonio's eyes. "I'm going to get the location from your mind." Fullerton blinked at him. "Got it. Ready?"

"Umm… okay," Antonio agreed unsure how to act calmly and pretend a wizard had been gentle in his mind.

"It was nice meeting you all," Fullerton smiled and waved. "I hope our worlds can work together with each other." He placed a hand on Antonio's shoulder and apparated the pair of them away.

After a quick stop at Antonio's apartment to pick up clothes and check-in with Mr. Universe through Antonio's security system, the pair apparated right back onto the bridge of Frank.

"When Sanders jumped up and began squealing like a girl, I didn't think I could take it," Harry was regaling Algernon and River with many of the meeting's details. "And the way Jenkins was twitching… priceless."

"Everything okay?" Algernon asked seeing Fullerton and Antonio had returned.

"Yup," Fullerton answered. "I've got a silencing charm around the briefcase until we can add in some magical interference. I think there's a trace of some sort too. How'd your scans go?"

Harry smiled and nodded. "They all seemed reluctantly receptive of the idea. And I made sure Bauer in particular is going to take care of erasing all records of the Operation E-271. He didn't want to show it but he's insistent and eager on making sure nothing happens to Miranda."

"Really?" River asked curiously.

Harry nodded. "It's because he wants to study more about magic but still."

"Excellent," Fullerton agreed. "I think we actually got through to all of them."

* * *

There were two reasons for an emergency call to the Assistant Director of Alliance Security. And they both were because new information has come to light. Most often it was when time-critical information came in that needed to be acted on and responded to immediately. As soon as he arrived in those situations, his boss would greet him, 'Jack, it's urgent.' The other reason was not because they feared the timeliness, but because the rules and priorities of their game were changing. 

That's why Assistant Director Jack Smith was so surprised to arrive in the office, see his boss Director John Bauer look up quickly and announce, "Jack, it's important."

Jack saw John was already nursing some of his brandy, and he helped himself to a glass. Jack settled down in the chair opposite and looked alert. "I'm listening."

"First thing, E-271 is not being buried, it's being completely unmade."

Jack's eyebrows rose in surprise. "And the pieces?"

"Doesn't matter," Bauer answered. "You take care of it."

Jack nodded.

"Next, we've got some important names and dates that I want to know everything about."

"How hot and recent?"

Bauer chuckled. "Cold and ancient. Earth-That-Was. I want to know about an Empty-A Bomb that went off in London in 2055. I want to know about any disappearances in 2266. One name that's been confirmed to have disappeared then is Dr. Harry Fullerton. I think he may have been a former Headmaster of a school."

Jack began to choke on his drink while he listened to his boss.

"He supposedly rode over on the Godric-8 metroship. I want to know every name on that list and any other ships that seem similar. Anyone and anything you can find with any sort of reference to Harry Fullerton. I think he was born around 2097 or 2098."

Jack swallowed the brandy in his mouth. "He was 169 when he disappeared?"

Bauer nodded. "And the other name may be listed as the soul survivor of the A-Bomb, Harry Potter born in the late twentieth century. Anything and everything you can find on him too."

Jack was beginning to feel very nervous. "A survivor of an A-Bomb? I thought all the big bombs you're either far enough away or you aren't."

"Intelligence points to him being at ground zero," Bauer said sitting back still undecided if the evening's revelations were a good or bad thing.

"How…" Jack asked in confusion. "How is that possible?"

"All of this is classified at the highest level," Bauer said seriously. "But the short of it is that… there's a world of magic and Miranda is their new home."

Jack slammed back the rest of his brandy and set the glass down. Thoughts were running rampant in his head, and at the forefront of his mind was that perhaps he had been a bit too hasty in forcefully checking his niece Stephanie into the Matthias Institute.

She hadn't been crazy. These wizard demons were obviously real. Harry Fullerton was obviously _very_ real. John Rodriguez and Freddie Jugson had clearly been compromised. And now it sounded like his boss and probably many others had also been compromised.

Jack Smith's face tightened and he nodded to his Director. "I'll take care of it."


	38. CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN: The Thing about

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN – The Thing about Magical Life**

"Yes sir," Antonio answered. "It's just a small personal spacecraft that Dr. Fullerton borrowed from a friend of his. Really? Hmm… I'll ask." Antonio hit the mute on his end of the call and turned towards Harry, River, Fullerton, and Algernon. "How long you think I should leave him waiting?"

Harry chuckled. "Let's not make things too tenuous for you just yet."

"Alright," Antonio agreed. "Do I even want to know what that cargo I saw in back is? Or how you came across it?"

"Just fuel for the hyperdrive," River answered. "And I figured while we're thieving juice, I'd get some standard for Serenity too. The Alliance stuff is usually cleaner than what we pick up."

Antonio nodded and motioned them all to stay quiet again. "Sir? I found out that magic will interfere with some signals. That's probably why the bugs aren't working." Antonio rolled his eyes listening to the response. "No sir, this com is a specially-charmed one to work in the presence of the magic on the ship. Dr. Fullerton lent it to me. Yes sir, they seem very open and honest. I doubt they're listening in or even if they are I wouldn't know how to stop them."

"I don't think that's a good idea, sir," Antonio argued while maintaining his patience. "Asking them to charm the bugs on me so that you can spy on them too kind of takes away from the subterfuge, don't you think?"

The rest of the crew was holding back snickers.

"Yes sir," Antonio agreed. "Convincing them to trust me will remain my highest priority. I feel safer around Dr. Fullerton than I do around Potter. I know they seem to trust me implicitly due to my ancestors, but are you sure there isn't someone better suited for this position?"

Harry was smiling and flashing a thumbs-up sign at Antonio.

"Of course sir," Antonio assured him trying to sound slightly disappointed. "I live to serve the Alliance."

Peeves seemed to sense an opportunity, snuck up behind Antonio and slipped him a double wet willie in both ears.

Antonio couldn't help it and he shrieked loudly right into the com. "Sorry, sir. That was the poltergeist that haunts this ship. I think I should go. I'll be in touch." Antonio clicked off the communication and turned around. "Peeves!"

Finally sensing the need for restraint was gone, the others all laughed openly at Antonio while he was pulling slime from his ears. Peeves just cackled happily and was floating in the air behind Antonio.

"Naughty, naughty, friend of Potty," Peeves sang. "Weasley red got slimy head!"

Antonio sighed, figuring his ears were as dry as he was going to get them. He saw the others laughing at him and grumbled, "How much longer before he learns to speak normally?"

Fullerton grinned. "That's about as normal as I've ever seen Peeves."

"How you feeling, Frank?" Harry asked.

"Glad to be alive," Frank grinned. "And thanks for asking. Now you guys can go guilt-free if you want."

"I can't be concerned about your well-being?" Harry retorted acting innocently.

"River and Widebottom filled my belly with the go-juice and stocked me up with a bunch more," Frank added. "It's cool, Harry. I have a feeling my Lieutenant is going to cause the new Alliance Liaison some problems even if you did stay and cuddle."

Antonio looked confused by Frank's statement when a chill passed through his body and Peeves incorporeal state came bursting from Antonio's chest.

Frank just laughed as Antonio was slapping his chest uselessly.

"Thanks Frank," Harry said. "Come on Antonio. It's time for you to meet Miranda." Harry led the way towards the hidden vanishing cabinet onboard. Antonio, River, Fullerton, and Algernon followed him through.

The group was assembled in the Fidelius protected basement and Antonio was highly disoriented until Harry whispered the secret phrase into his ear, "If you want in Harry's drawers, you gotta go in the basement."

"Whoa," Antonio said as the room he was in appeared before his eyes. "That's freaky… and a highly disgusting sentiment."

"Part of the magic protecting this room," Harry chuckled before taking notice of Antonio's posture. "You okay?"

"Actually," Antonio said with a yawn. "You mind if I just crash for the night and we can do the tour thing tomorrow?"

"What are you talking about?" Harry sarcastically asked looking at his watch. "It's not even 4:00 in the morning yet."

"Good night," Fullerton and Algernon said, making clear their opinions on the matter.

Antonio opened his mouth to say something more but found himself yawning again.

"Alright, alright," Harry grinned. "I can take a hint. You can crash at my place and tomorrow we'll get you a place of your own."

Antonio just nodded and followed Harry up the stairwell.

River waved goodbye to the portrait of Luna on the other vanishing cabinet and hurried after them.

Harry set up Antonio in the guest room of his apartment but Harry wasn't tired at all. He'd used a lot of magic on the illusions, but it left him more energized than anything else.

He walked back out his front door and saw River waiting on him. "Tired?"

River shook her head.

"Eargits?" Harry said, asking if she wanted to go to the highly popular goblin bar and casino.

River nodded with a smile.

Harry held his hand out for her. River accepted it and Harry apparated them both away without a sound.

They reappeared on the porch steps of the goblin-owned establishment and made their way inside. "There they are," River called out, dragging Harry with her having yet to let go of his hand.

"Captain, Zoe, Jayne," Harry greeted. He turned and saw River was going to get drinks for both of them without even asking. She seemed to be getting more and more obvious, but Harry was going to put off thinking about that for later. "How's life treating ya?"

Mal sipped his beer and shook his head. "Oh no you don't, Harry. You know what we wanna hear. So lay it on us. How soon are they going to mobilize and attack?"

Harry chuckled and answered. "It went well. It went very well."

"Details, Harry," Zoe insisted.

"Yeah," Jayne agreed. "Did you kill anyone?"

"You guys want to see the memory?" Harry inquired accepting the butterbeer as River sat down.

"Humor us ass-backward muggles and how about you just tell us," Mal said with a friendly smile.

Harry realized he may have been laying the magic stuff on them a bit thick, but it was quite nice to not have to hide it so much. "You guys have heard of good cop-bad cop as a way to interrogate and establish trust, right?"

They all nodded.

"Well, me and Fullerton put our own spin on it that I christened good wizard-vengeful god," Harry said with a smile.

"Oh dear," Zoe said with a grimace. "This isn't going to come back and bite you in the ass, is it?"

"Probably," Mal answered.

Harry wryly retorted, "Your confidence in me is overwhelming."

"So how'd you play 'wizard-good god' or whatever?" Jayne asked.

"First, they were assembled for the meeting they all thought someone else called," Harry explained. "Then I appeared, put on a little show, and removed the memory charms so that the ones who knew me would suddenly remember me."

"Is that a good idea?" Zoe asked.

"What?"

"Letting them all know you're Harry Potter and what you've done to their memories over the last couple years." River answered.

Harry shrugged. "I dropped the glamour, so the old man Harry Potter that they woke up shouldn't be associated with the much younger looking Harry that I am." Harry sipped his beverage and explained. "And it sorta was part of the story we made up too."

"What story?" Zoe asked curiously.

"I kinda led them to believe that messing with people's minds on Miranda pissed off the Powers That Be and woke up Magic. Essentially telling them that it was inevitable that they would summon me unintentionally to set things right. A chain reaction that they started when they toyed with forces no mortal should mess with."

"And they believed that?"

"Well, we may have let them draw conclusions that with magic awake again, I went back in time to steal away the last generation of wizards so that they could rebuild the wizarding world now."

Jayne just chuckled. "You know, it'd be hard not to believe that considering what they know."

"Exactly," Harry grinned. "And with Harry Fullerton's mysterious disappearance back in 2266, as well as intimate knowledge about the flight over, the Earth-That-Was, and all the rest of that, it was easy then to tell them the wizarding world and non-magical world could co-exist peacefully. And _Harry Potter_," Harry emphasized with his quote fingers, "is only going to mediate between the two worlds when he has to."

"Wow Harry," Mal admitted. "That's a pretty clever idea that sounds like it could blow up horribly in your face."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Well it helped that after I put on a nice scary show that had them all trembling in their seats, I snagged Fullerton. After I'd solidified their fear of me, he became their new best friend. They were openly asking him questions, finding him far more agreeable. He came up with a darn good story on the spot there, and convinced more than a few people that I," Harry chuckled happily at the memory. "That I'm uh… immortal and recognized in the wizarding world as a god."

River raised a curious eyebrow. "You're okay with that?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, from your biography and Luna, I'd think exaggerating your already impressive abilities would make you uncomfortable."

Harry shrugged. "To be honest, I've been just Harry and not _Harry Potter_ for a few years now. And turning that name into a mythical super-powered god serves a good purpose. I just find it funny how easy it is. And how well it all fits compared to the truth. Fullerton told them I survived an atomic bomb in London, and in some ways I kinda did. It's something they could look up and supports the image of Harry Potter."

Harry sighed. "Either way, Antonio got assigned to be the Magical Liaison in the Alliance. The Alliance believes Antonio to be a perfectly loyal pencil-pusher who's deathly afraid of me. And until a formal government is established here, they accept that Fullerton is the leader of the wizarding world. I checked everyone's minds too."

"You did?" Mal said.

"Yup," Harry assured him. "A few of them were scared, but none of them considered the wizarding world an immediate threat. Most of them saw it as an untapped resource, mainly they'd like to know more, and some of them were very curious and supportive."

"Huh," Mal grinned.

"What?" Zoe asked him.

Mal shook his head. "Nothing. I just was thinking, considering our usual luck… I'm surprised it was that easy."

Jayne grinned. "So does this mean we're about done here?"

"Eargits?" Harry clarified.

"Naw," Jayne corrected. "I mean Miranda."

Harry sat back and smiled. "Pretty soon, yeah, Serenity will be back where she belongs. I'm not sure we're going to be needed here too much more."

Mal nodded. "Sam's going be just fine. Do me a favor and keep calling him Sheriff Rogers too. And while _we_ may not be needed, it's beginning to sound like _Harry Potter_ might be needed."

River bit back a grimace and added, "Well it's a good thing he's immortal then."

* * *

"Johnson," Jack Smith greeted. 

"Smith," the Alliance Personnel Transportation Coordinator, Stan Johnson replied.

"We need to talk about an assignment you just got," Smith began, immediately closing the door behind him.

Johnson groaned. When he was informed a mysteriously appearing new department needed a top of the line transport for indefinite assignment, he knew it was something he didn't want to know about. And now that the Assistant Director of Alliance Security was in his office and closing the door, he knew he definitely didn't want to know about it. On the plus side, with Smith here, he probably wouldn't be kept in the loop at all. "What do you know about it?"

"More than you, I suspect."

"I should hope so," Johnson retorted. "I'm not even privy to the destination."

Smith smirked dangerously. "Just doing my job."

Johnson sighed. "Alright. So what are you doing here?"

"The Head of the MA is at an undisclosed location without any transport," Smith continued. "His staff of six are going to be shuttling out later today, with myself and two others escorting them. For now, we want to keep the security side of it quiet. I wanted you to know I'll be in charge, and that we need a decent ride to fit a full size MUV, and a dozen people comfortably."

"A dozen?" Johnson clarified.

Smith nodded.

"The budget of the MA going to be able to cover a Stinger?"

Smith rolled his eyes, making Johnson feeling foolish for having to ask.

"Fine, fine," Johnson sighed. "Your Stinger will be ready in an hour. Mind telling me what MA stands for?"

"Thanks Johnson," Smith said as he turned to leave the room. He took great pleasure in acting like he never even heard the question.

* * *

Harry had retrieved the third and final pair of vanishing cabinets he possessed and installed the first one on Serenity. Jayne wanted to choose the portrait this time and he managed to discover a scantily clad woman, wearing sheer loose fitting clothes, and who was an ancient Egyptian witch who had been cursed to look young and beautiful. She was quite proud at the way she could make men blush and Harry thought she'd make the dining room of Serenity a little uncomfortable. 

So for the sake of all involved, Harry put the cabinet up on the bridge and allowed her to be able to see out the window and the stars. Having finished setting up the first cabinet of the pair, he then grabbed the portrait of the Fat Lady that had guarded Gryffindor Tower, and apparated to Kaylee and Simon's penthouse apartment.

Harry knocked on the door, and heard Kaylee call out, "Don't make me get up and answer that door!"

Harry chuckled and let himself in. "Don't get up. It's just me."

"Hey Harry," Kaylee grinned from her place on the couch. "I don't suppose you brought some cheesy puffs with you?"

Harry shook his head sadly. "Nope, sorry. But I could conjure some. Fake cheese flavoring is one of the things I've mastered."

"Naw, that's okay," Kaylee replied. "I need to stick with real proper food and not magically get full."

"You?" Harry smiled. "Full?"

"Don't," Kaylee stopped him before he said something she'd have to make him regret.

Harry pulled out the cabinet and canceled the shrinking charm. "Where do you want this?"

"I was thinking here in the living room, next to the grandfather clock," Kaylee said pointing towards an open area.

Harry levitated it into place, and pulled out the portrait of the Fat Lady, who was snoozing happily in her frame.

"She's not crazy, is she?" Kaylee clarified when she didn't recognize the portrait.

Harry shook his head while he stuck her to the cabinet door. "Nope. She's actually the portrait that guarded my House at school, so she's got experience and likes kids. I figure she can help you keep an eye on the little one and call out whenever he or she starts getting into trouble. A sentient baby monitor, if you will."

Kaylee sniffled as her emotions began to bubble over. "That's so sweet, Harry. You're always thinking ahead."

"Mood swing, much?"

Kaylee wiped the tears off her face and laughed a little. "So what's her name?"

"This," Harry presented, "is the Fat Lady."

"That's so cruel," Kaylee snapped, unconsciously rubbing her swollen belly. "What's her real name?"

"Her real name?" Harry stopped and thought back. "Umm… not sure."

"You're a horrible person, Harry," Kaylee said with a frown before stopping herself at Harry's laughter. "I get it. I'm moody. Keep laughing and we'll find out how my aim is."

Harry sat down next to Kaylee and gave her a hug. "I've been meaning to ask, have you guys set a date?"

Kaylee shook her head. "No. We're putting it off for a while."

"You are?" Harry asked. "Why's that?"

"Because I don't want to get married while I'm more wide than tall, because I want my parents to be here when we get married, and because I want to get married, go on our honeymoon and have lots of monkey sex," Kaylee finished resolutely.

Harry chuckled. "And Simon's okay with this?"

Kaylee nodded. "We've got a whole crew of babysitters, so that we can get our monkey sex. I know it means waiting a year or two, but I want our families there. I'm not ready to deal with my parents yet. And I'd like to at least meet Simon's too, but he's certainly not ready for that either."

"Hmm," Harry pondered. "Maybe River can go out a scouting trip and see how they're doing."

"Honey, I'm home," Simon announced.

"Cheesy puffs?"

"Yes, dear," Simon agreed shaking the bag as he walked into the living room. "Oh it's you."

"I missed you too, Doc," Harry grinned, knowing Simon was just joking with him. "You've got a doorway to Serenity right there now."

"Lovely," Simon commented.

"Don't worry," Harry said. "The portrait won't open the cabinet unless you guys are out or welcoming to guests."

"Oh," Simon realized. "That's good."

"Antonio doing well?" Harry asked.

Simon nodded. "Yeah. He's excited to have been assigned an entire staff of his own. And I think I'll like having a friend nearby."

"Yeah," Kaylee grumbled. "So you can get away from your screaming baby and horrible wife."

"What?" Simon yelped. "No, that's not what I…" Simon sighed and doubted she would appreciate being reminded the baby wasn't even born yet, nor were they married. He tried to appeal to her sensibilities. "I brought you cheesy puffs."

Kaylee accepted her fried snacks and resisted the urge to cry again.

Harry couldn't help but smile at their dynamic. "Have you guys made any progress on the baby naming front?"

"Yes," Kaylee firmly snapped. "We most certainly have."

Harry sensed a bit more to that answer, especially from Simon's near silent groan. "And?"

"If it's a boy," Kaylee answered. "We're going to name him Stargazer Moonbeam Strawberry."

Harry laughed at loud as Simon just clenched his eyes shut. "Is that so?"

Kaylee nodded determinedly.

"How'd you decide on that name?"

Kaylee looked towards Simon. "Well, we started by looking at Simon's rules on names not allowed and I felt we needed to break at least three of them."

"Four," Simon corrected sadly. "And they weren't rules, they were just suggestions that I never should have made."

Harry snickered. "And if it's a girl?"

"Yes, Honey," Kaylee smiled. "What did we decide if it's a girl?"

Simon was staring harshly at Harry trying to figure out how this was his fault. "If it's a girl, we're going to name her Simon."

Kaylee nodded at Harry. "I think it sounds feminine and dainty. And it doesn't violate any of my fiancé's rules on how to live a morally acceptable life."

Harry was enjoying this far more than he should have but just nodded. "Well, there's still time in case you two change your minds."

Harry felt the communicator in his pocket vibrate and he pulled it out. "Excuse me a second," he said towards Kaylee and Simon as he stood up from the couch. "Harry here," he greeted, answering the call.

"We got a couple visitors that a hunting team came across," Mal said happily. "They're breaking atmo just now."

"And this makes you happy?" Harry asked curiously. "Who?"

"It appears Duncan and Sam are on the way back from their honeymoon and wanted to swing by and check out some of their investment," Mal answered.

"That's great," Harry said. "I take you're already over by the docks?"

Mal nodded. "If you're busy, I'm gonna show them around. You can catch up with us whenever."

"Thanks Captain," Harry replied. "I should be there momentarily. I'm just about done here. The cabinets between Serenity and Kaylee's place have been set up."

"Good," Mal agreed. "Gotta go." And the transmission shut off.

Harry turned towards Simon and Kaylee just in time for Simon to whine, "It's my place too."

"Of course it is, sweetie," Kaylee agreed while patting gently him on the top of his head.

"Ladies," Harry smiled and nodded. "You mind if I leave from here?"

Kaylee nodded and squeezed Simon close before he could petulantly object. "Thanks, Harry. We'll see you later."

Harry waved and disappeared without a sound. He reappeared right behind Mal who was just greeting the newlyweds.

"Oh my god!" Sam shrieked at Harry's sudden appearance while Duncan maintained his cool.

Harry sniffed the air and commented. "Someone smells like an excessive amount of lovemaking."

"Don't scare me like that, Harry," Sam chided as she swept him up in a hug.

Harry hugged her back noticing how unnaturally red her hair was. "Well then maybe you should stop being so surprised. It's good to see you, Sam."

Harry released her and shook Duncan's hand. "You too, buddy. This is a pleasant surprise."

Duncan grinned back. "We were on our way back from our honeymoon and decided to take the long way home by way of Miranda. This isn't a bad time, is it?"

"Not at all," Mal grinned. "In fact I was thinking of giving you a wave one of these days."

"Really?" Duncan inquired curiously.

Sam shook her head and threaded her arm through Harry's. "Come on Harry. I can tell the boys want to talk business, so it's up to you to entertain me."

"It'd be my pleasure," Harry assured her leading them towards the center of town. Harry winked at her and said in an overly loud voice, "Later tonight you can meet our very pregnant friend Kaylee."

Duncan had been listening to Mal ask about potentially picking up some jobs when he heard Harry's none too subtle comment. "Harry! Harry! I don't think that's wise, Harry!"

Harry put a finger to his lips and Sam grinned despite her confusion. Harry smiled back towards a nervous looking Duncan who was standing by Mal. In the blink of an eye, he apparated himself and Sam away silently.

"No!" Duncan blurted out, fearing his wife would catch the baby-wanting disease again. "I'm gonna kill that kid!"

Harry and Sam had merely apparated a few feet behind the two men. Sam couldn't take it and started laughing at her scared young husband.

Mal and Duncan spun around and saw that Harry was just having fun with them.

"I take it you're not pregnant yet," Harry commented to the highly amused Sam.

She shook her head. "I'm working on it."

Duncan open and shut his mouth a couple times before turning back around to walk with Mal. "I'm still gonna kill him."

Harry and Sam were catching up, while Duncan continued to pout and talk only to Mal. The newlyweds were given the tour of the city. They got to meet Fullerton and Algernon. Several of the goblins were extremely eager to get some time to talk business with Duncan and set him up with a special way to contact them.

Inara had snagged Zoe and Kaylee's assistance and was going to prepare a large dinner for everyone including their two guests and the self-proclaimed Alliance stoolie at Simon and Kaylee's penthouse apartment. Though Kaylee's help was primarily as a taster, she did ensure the salad was more than thoroughly tossed. Even if there were fewer bacon bits than there should have been.

River was going to help the ladies with the meal, until she saw the pretty, young woman with the bright red hair hanging on Harry's arm. Suddenly, she felt the need to accompany them and stake her claim on Harry's other arm.

The group caught up with Jayne just as the girl-he-boinked, her unofficial title since neither she nor Jayne wanted to use the word _girlfriend,_ was getting off her shift at the hospital. Sheriff Rogers had been released a couple weeks ago, but had a group therapy session getting out at the same time.

Harry took advantage of the opportunity and happily turned towards the young woman on his arm, "Sam, I'd like you to meet Sam."

Before anyone else could speak up, Harry jumped right in again. "I don't know if you remember Jayne, but this lovely lady with him is named Jane."

"Jayne, Jane," Sam greeted happily and turned towards the Sheriff. "Sam."

"Sam," Sheriff Rogers greeted back.

"You're all dorks," Duncan said shaking his head. He turned to Jayne and added, "And you're still alive, Grampa?"

"Junior," Jayne grinned back. "Grew some short hairs and decided it was time to get married?"

"For the sake of understanding, if you like," Harry interrupted. "You can call him Sheriff Rogers and her Nurse Conrad."

"And me Rambo," Jayne added.

"And him Rambo," Harry agreed having forgotten about that one.

"I know I'm a little new to the policing Miranda stuff," Sheriff Rogers asked looking at Harry. "But I don't exactly recognize these two people."

"Ahh," Harry understood. "You know how just about all of our supplies and contracts are with CRS?"

Sheriff Rogers nodded.

"Well, Duncan here is, what the CEO? President? Chairman of the Board?" Harry said looking at Duncan for help.

"Merely the majority shareholder who makes his opinion known quite clearly on occasion," Duncan corrects.

"Yeah, that," Harry nodded. "It's one of a number of his interplanetary corporations."

Sheriff Rogers was impressed and just nodded. "Nice to meet you, Duncan. I'm still getting to know everything around here."

"Duncan and Sam just got married," Harry explained while Sam was showing off her wedding band. "They spent the last two weeks honeymooning at some island paradise and swung on by here on their way home."

"Congratulations," Jane said. "It shows the way you're both still glowing."

"Yeah," Jayne jumped in to say something disparaging about Duncan, but was interrupted when Jane stomped on his foot. "Err…yeah."

Simon came running up to the group. "I hate to interrupt but Kaylee wanted me to ask why you're making a pregnant woman starve to death."

Harry looked at his watch and saw it was still fifteen minutes before Inara had said to arrive. "As much fun as it might be to see Kaylee take out her frustration on Simon, we should probably go."

The large group walked out of the hospital, two buildings over, and piled into the elevator, taking it up to the top floor.

Antonio had already been there waiting and was happily telling everyone who would listen about the people who now worked for him. He was especially happy to mention those with more experience and education than him that he got to boss around.

Harry and Mal were trying to impress the importance of not letting Antonio's favorable opinion towards wizards be terribly obvious to his newly assigned staff.

Over dinner, Harry had to once again explain how they'd informed the Alliance about Miranda and everything they'd been doing.

"An immortal god?" Duncan chuckled. "You're not, right?"

"Well…" Harry hesitantly replied and paused dramatically. After a long silence he sighed. "You didn't even believe it for a second."

"You expected me too?" Duncan asked curiously.

"The Alliance did," River added happily.

"Yeah but they're idiots," Sam pointed out.

"Thank you," Antonio agreed. "Thank you very much."

"You're a perfect example," Sam replied and saw Antonio's slightly insulted look. "No, I'm not calling you an idiot. I'm calling the fact that the Alliance thinks you're their little lapdog spying on the naive wizards when in fact, you've been hijacking their experimental ships and working with the wizards all along."

Antonio smirked back. "Maybe that's just what I want you to think." Antonio's confidence was shaken when everyone at the table laughed in response.

Duncan looked at Harry and asked. "This is a pretty big bluff you're trying to pull on the Alliance. What's going to happen when they finally call you on it?"

"Hmm?" Harry replied.

"I mean you're claiming to be this super wizard, which may be true, but an immortal capable of impossible feats even among wizards? If you bluff every time, they're gonna eventually call you on it." Duncan explained.

"True," Harry agreed but explained further. "The trick with bluffing is to have someone else tell them _when_ to call your bluff."

"What do you mean?" Duncan asked. "If it's a bluff and they're calling it, you're in trouble."

Harry shook his head. "Not at all. I'm saying if you know the guy that loads his gun, then you claim to be bulletproof. Get them to call that and they won't want to call any other bluffs again when you tell them you're fireproof and waterproof."

"And Antonio is the guy that loads their gun," Duncan grinned. "Interesting."

"One of the best things about magic," Harry added, "is that nobody has ever really understood it."

Sam grinned and asked, "So now that everything around here is settled down. I hear you're going to get back in the less than reputable transporting business."

Mal sat back with a satisfied smile. "Yes, Ma'am. We're gonna wait until after Antonio leaves with his staff and then we're going home."

"But Kaylee and Simon aren't going with you, are they?" Sam added, worried about not being able to visit a new baby.

"Correct," Simon answered. "I'm going to stay at the hospital and Kaylee's already become a full-time mood swing."

"I'm not that bad," Kaylee said with a smile. Her face just turned into a sharp frown and she sniffled, "Am I?"

The others at the table all openly laughed, when it became clear that Simon had no idea if Kaylee was joking or not.

Duncan was watching Harry, sensing a bit of tension. Feeling mischievous he asked, "What about you Harry? You're sticking around here with the other wizards too, aren't you?"

Harry saw everyone turn to look at him as he swallowed a mouthful of wine. He was taking his time and admitted, "That's a good question."

* * *

Duncan and Sam hung around Miranda for three more days, getting the chance to meet several former Reavers. Seeing the obvious opportunities and potential for growth, Duncan was already forming plans for getting some manufacturing and distribution plants set up on Miranda. The possibilities of utilizing magical artifacts, or even wizards enchanting pieces of the factory process could drastically affect costs in positive ways. 

The newlyweds said goodbye to all their new friends, and Duncan had practically become an honorary goblin after all the business arrangements he'd made with the magical creatures.

The big news today was that Antonio's staff had arrived. The Stinger class ship had been renamed the Merlin as it appeared the Alliance was making a genuine effort to get to know more about magic and the wizarding world.

Harry had pointed out it would have looked really bad if the Alliance employees got eaten on their way over, so the last hour of the Merlin's flight towards Miranda came with a full escort from three different hunter ships. There hadn't been any Reaver ships nearby in weeks, but they wanted to err on the side of caution.

As planned, the crew of Serenity did their best to stay hidden and out of the Alliance's way. Fullerton and Algernon were with Antonio when they landed, but only for a brief introduction. Antonio was going to get to know his staff first, while giving them a tour of the planet he'd gotten familiar with over the last few weeks. And then before leaving, Antonio and his staff would sit down and learn more about the wizards.

Antonio had been pleased to discover that in addition to the six members of his staff, the Alliance had sent a member of Alliance Security to pilot the ship, and two other supposed terraforming specialists, who were going to ensure the air filtration systems were up to Alliance standards and completely Pax-free. As well as make sure the water treatment facilities were operating at or above Alliance standards.

Antonio gave them all a brief tour of the city, as he drove the skiff he'd been lent for the day. He took them towards the air filtration system and they ended up sitting around watching the specialists testing all sorts of chemical levels that were beyond the others' understanding. In the end, it was found to be performing at excellent levels, no trace of the Pax, and no actual changes were made. So in effect it took them an hour and a half to realize there was nothing they needed to do.

When it came time to check the water treatment, Antonio was dismayed when the specialist warned him that it takes them even longer to measure the chemical levels in the water. He jumped at the offer of continuing the tour with his staff while letting the other three men handle the water treatment testing themselves. He should have been surprised that they were so willing to go off on their own. He should have been suspicious that they had their own MUV so he didn't even have to surrender his skiff. And should have noticed how full the back of the MUV was. But he didn't.

Antonio wished them luck and told them how to contact him when they were done. That was the last time Antonio ever saw two of those three men alive.

"Harry!" Antonio screamed running towards him. "There's been an explosion!"

Harry saw how frantic and scared he was. "What happened? Where?"

"I don't know what happened," Antonio rambled. "I was taking my staff while the specialists were going to check out the water treatment facilities, checking for Alliance safeguards and quality. Suddenly there was just this huge cracking sound."

Harry's blood froze as soon as he heard the words _water treatment_ and he recalled a certain plan's suggestion on places where the planet's crust was most consistent. "Did you see it?"

Antonio nodded. "Not at first, but when I turned towards the explosion there was just this giant…"

"Geyser of fire shooting up from the ground," Harry finished for him.

"Yeah," Antonio agreed in surprise.

Harry's mind was racing knowing now wasn't the time to worry over how this happened, but figure out how to fix it. He reached into his robe pocket and pulled out his specialized communicator. "Mr. U! Relay this immediately towards the goblin conference room. Tell Ripruck I need him to initiate a full lockdown in sixty seconds, and to prepare for a total evacuation. Got that?"

"Got it," the communicator replied. Harry tossed his com straight towards River who caught it on reflex. He saw she was focused and had her game face on. "Get me a disposable."

River disappeared down the hall, the only other person who seemed to understand the severity of the situation while Antonio and Algernon just looked confused.

Harry looked at his watch and turned to Antonio. "When was this exactly? Twenty seconds ago? A minute?"

"I don't know, a minute maybe," Antonio answered. "What is it? What's going on?"

"Listen to me," Harry said ensuring he had Antonio's focus, unconsciously sending a calming charm his way. "Mal's with the Sheriff. Tell them the goblin wards are up or about to be." Harry whipped his hand up and caught the walkie-talkie River had thrown at him.

"Did you-?"

"It's on the right channel," River answered before Harry had finished.

"And you know-"

"Yes," River assured Harry immediately.

"Algernon," Harry ordered. "You're River's wand. Follow her lead."

Algernon blinked at being issued so clear an order. "What about-"

"Fullerton's going to have to help the goblins anchor the lockdown." Harry interrupted knowing exactly what Algernon was about to ask.

"Will someone just tell me what's going on?" Antonio yelled louder than he'd intended.

Harry had begun gathering his magic. "That was Phase One of the E-271 weapon. Go tell the Captain. Have a wizard stun or someone else tranq the rest of your staff."

"What are you going to do?" Antonio asked, still not clear on the situation's implications.

"I've got to catch the bomb." Harry disappeared without another sound apparating away.

Harry reappeared in the charred smoldering wreckage of the MUV that the supposed specialists had apparently been using. The heat in the area would've been unbearable, but Harry just let his magic protect him not even paying much attention. He could see two people who were seriously injured or already dead. He found the launch site and peered over the edge. The blast of hot air made him flinch away and he felt his skin tightening and sweat cover his face. A strong ripple of magic flashed through the air, and Harry saw the goblin wards flare to life in the distance.

Harry knew the harness went straight towards the center of the planet ensuring gravity was on his side. The plasma drill at the tip of the harness melted a perfectly circular six foot hole, ensuring minimum friction and maximum speed. It had been designed to burrow over thirty miles deep, ensuring it was past the crust and in the mantle before Phase Two.

The bigger problem was Phase Three and its massive payload. Any magic he cast from a distance could prematurely trigger Phase Three. Seeing only one option, Harry imagined a translucent shield of ice coating the surface of his skin and dove headfirst into the scorching hot hole.

Harry couldn't risk apparating ahead of the bomb and finding himself splinched inside the crust, whether he got speared by the plasma drill or not. There was also the risk that he would apparate directly into the bomb, which he had no doubt would trigger it immediately.

Harry had his arms extended straight ahead, slicing through the hot air at terminal velocity. The scalding temperatures reacted with Harry's icy protection leaving a trail of sizzling steam in his wake. He was relishing in the rush of adrenaline from falling at terminal velocity.

After falling for twenty seconds, Harry idly wondered if he had any hope of reaching the bomb this way. Using his magic to steady himself so that he wouldn't slam into a side wall, he pulled out his walkie-talkie. "River!" he called out, struggling to keep a grip on the device as the heat was beginning to melt its casing despite his fingers being coated in ice.

"I can barely hear you," River's voice came back in between crackling static.

"Human terminal velocity?" Harry shouted back at her.

"125 MPH," River replied her voice drifting in and out. "Bomb's probably going 350."

"Crap," Harry called out. "Thanks. Get that cabinet ready. I'm out." Harry tried to shut off the walkie-talkie but only succeeding in finally losing his grip on it. He saw the plastic thing whip upwards from his position as it couldn't fall nearly as fast as he could.

Harry contemplated using line of sight to apparate downward repeatedly as far as he could safely see ahead, but visibility was low and doing that would kill his momentum. He wasn't ready to chance summoning the bomb to him, so he figured he needed to banish himself towards it.

Sticking his hands out to the side, Harry cast blasting curses at the walls of the narrow tunnel as he plummeted past. He twisted his body in freefall and was looking up, unable to see daylight. With a grin, Harry immediately cast the strongest banishing charm he could at the moist debris that was sealing him in and falling towards him at far lower speeds.

Harry felt his body lurch as he began to speed up significantly. He continued to alternate between blasting curses on the sides and banishing charms directly above him. His vision was blurred as he was going far faster than he ever had on a broom. He could feel the charms on his robes faltering as the heat scorched his entire body in spite of his icy shield. Through it all, he just kept blasting more debris and banishing himself downward faster.

Suddenly, Harry realized the narrow tunnel was getting noticeably brighter. One last set of blasting and banishing charms and Harry spun around, finally having the bomb in his sights.

Harry's senses were numb as the ice shield and fire from the plasma drill kept warring with each other. He stuck his arms out to try and slow down his descent, but was unable to decelerate quickly enough.

Harry slammed into the back of the metal harness just as the structure of the area began to change. The molten rock around him visibly shifted in consistency and color. Harry had just passed through the crust and was now in the mantle.

* * *

As soon as Harry disappeared, River grabbed onto Algernon. "Apparate us to the basement." 

The pair disappeared with a soft pop and reappeared in the Fidelius protected bottom floor of the premiere office building. There were two vanishing cabinets down there, one with the portrait of Luna on it leading towards the Earth-That-Was and the other with a portrait of Dilys Derwent on it leading towards Frank.

"We need to clear out everyone working on Earth right now," River said staring at Algernon.

"Wait!" the communicator in River's hand yelled out. "River, no."

"Mr. Universe?" River said, hoping that's who it was.

"No, this is Frank."

River sighed, half-expecting this to happen. "Are you sure about this?"

"One hundred percent absolutely certain. I'm one magical being weighed against either of the two known magical planets. Your rational mind knows this too."

"Should I…?" Algernon asked gesturing towards the cabinet connected to Harry's vault on the Earth-That-Was.

River shook her head sadly, in the exact same way that Luna in the portrait was shaking her head.

"River!" Harry's static-filled voice called out interrupting them.

"I can barely hear you!" River yelled back, holding her hand up to keep Algernon from speaking.

"Human terminal velocity?"

River realized Harry wasn't able to use magic on the bomb and that this was going to be closer than they'd thought. "125 MPH," she answered immediately, not thinking Harry wanted a more precise number based off her estimations of his weight. "Bomb's probably going 350."

River heard Harry swear and thank her before his connection clicked off.

Luna chose that moment to speak up as she looked at the perplexed wizard. "Algernon, you need to take the portrait off other cabinet or it'll be destroyed in the magical backlash. And you need to take this entire cabinet."

Algernon suddenly realized he was being bossed around by both Luna and River. "Why?"

"Because River has to stay here and wait for Harry," Luna answered giving the younger girl a significant look. "And it'll be much easier if he doesn't have a choice."

"She's right," Frank added from the communicator. "Get a move on, Longbutt! Shrink the cabinet, take Dilys portrait, and run towards the goblin headquarters. You may need that cabinet to evacuate people to Earth."

Algernon got the distinct feeling everyone was going to continue telling him what to do. But he did as ordered, canceling the sticking charm on the portrait of Dilys, shrinking it, and pocketing it.

River was just staring at the portrait of Luna who was staring back trying to give the younger woman strength. "Crap," River sighed, unconsciously echoing Harry's earlier sentiment. She turned towards the sadly smiling picture of Luna and nodded, having accepted the most useful place for her was to wait here and support Harry. "Thanks."

Luna nodded with a grin while Algernon shrunk the cabinet with Luna's portrait down too.

Algernon hesitated. "Are you sure-"

"Yes," River determinedly answered. "Get that cabinet away from here. Harry's not going to like this but we don't need to make it more difficult on any of us."

Algernon knew there was time to waste and hurried up the stairwell.

River was left alone in the room with only one unmarked vanishing cabinet and the communicator.

* * *

Sheriff Sam Rogers and Mal were both in a skiff with a long trailer attached, moving at speeds that would normally be considered unsafe. 

Sam was shouting into a bullhorn. "Everyone evacuate to within the goblin wards! Run towards the center of town or hop on and get a ride. But get there now!"

"What is it?" A man asked curiously. "What's going on?"

"A threat to the planet," Mal answered having slowed down as people were climbing in. "Get in."

"We're full," Sam said tapping Mal on the shoulder. He spoke back into the bullhorn. "Hang on, people."

Mal hit the gas and turned them around back towards the visible wards sealing in the ten blocks radiating from the goblins' headquarters.

Sam kept shouting into the bullhorn. "Keep moving towards the center of town. We'll be back to pick up those unable to run. Tell anyone who doesn't know to get inside the wards _now_!"

Sam took a moment to catch his breath and asked Mal, "Is this really as bad as I think it is?"

Mal grunted affirmatively. "Phase One went crack. Phase Two can kill us all. Phase Three can kill the planet."

"I just can't understand how an entire planet can be destroyed," Sam sighed. As they approached the shimmering wards, there were several goblins standing by. The goblins opened a large doorway for them to coast right in undeterred by the massive translucent wards.

Mal hit the brakes and Sam yelled at the passengers to clear off the trailer.

Zoe and Jayne finally spotted Mal. Zoe ran up to him, "What do you need?"

"Get another skiff and shuttle everyone inside these wards," Mal answered. "And hurry!"

Mal and Sam spun back around, heading towards another of the most populated areas outside of the wards, zipping through people running towards the wards.

"Did they really make a bomb big enough to destroy a planet?" Sam asked, having not received a satisfactory answer.

Mal turned the skiff suddenly as he saw a crowd forming, while Sam began shouting in the bullhorn again. More and more people climbed in and they knew there wasn't time for a run after this one. In the distance they saw Zoe driving a skiff almost as full while Jayne was happily yelling at people.

"The bomb is huge, but it's not a simple explosion," Mal answered. Their trailer was so full it was nearly bursting, but they didn't want to miss anyone. "It's a two stage bomb."

"Please remain calm!" Sam ordered through the bullhorn. "And run for your lives in orderly fashion!" He set the bullhorn down and turned to Mal. "I thought you said there were three?"

"Three phases in the weapon, two stages in the bomb," Mal explained. "The last two phases are the bomb. The first phase is getting the bomb into place."

"And it goes boom from there?"

"Sorta," Mal answered. "It's like breaking an egg open. You gotta make cracks in the shell first. Only to make those cracks it takes a massive shockwave from under the planet's crust inside the mantle."

"Has that started?" Sam asked.

Mal shook his head negatively. "When I say massive, I mean massive as in we'd know it. Terraquakes stronger than have ever naturally occurred, buildings collapsing, sinkholes miles deep, that kinda massive."

"Oh."

"Yup," Mal continued as he followed behind Zoe and Jayne who also had a trailer full of people. "And once those cracks are in the shell, the second stage of the bomb, Phase Three, would then go… boom."

"I didn't see anyone else, but Jayne's making another run," Zoe reported as she walked up to Mal seeing the last of the crowds making their way inside the wards.

"Me neither," Mal answered. Mal saw Sheriff Rogers was taking control of the situation and organizing the crowds.

"Kaylee and Simon had taken over the hospital last I saw," Zoe relayed. "She was… embracing the freedoms that pregnancy affords her."

"No one argues with a pregnant woman, eh?" Mal answered.

"Where's everyone else?"

"River's probably with Harry by now," Mal answered. "And I sent Antonio off to locate Inara after tranquilizing the rest of his staff. I kinda thought they'd be back by now."

* * *

"Come on!" Inara snapped dragging Antonio with him. "We've gotta get her inside the wards." 

"Are you sure that's wise?" Antonio reluctantly asked.

"Yes," Inara insisted as they hurried over towards the evacuated docks. "If this situation is what it appears to be, then we need to make sure we've got ships that can fly. And she's the most important one to a lot of people. _Including me_."

"But what about the Captain and-"

"They've gotta save all the people first," Inara argued. "There she is." Inara spotted Serenity and started to run before she saw Antonio had stopped. "Antonio?"

"You go ahead," Antonio said gritting his teeth. "I'll catch my own ride back."

Inara paused and saw how angry he looked. She decided not to fight it. She was going to be busy enough trying to figure how to fly a Firefly class ship.

Antonio saw the pilot supposedly with Alliance Security, checking the various ships looking for a functional one. "Hey! Smith!"

Jack Smith looked up suddenly and saw Antonio approaching him. He thought about what Director Bauer had told him and realized this was a good man, loyal to the Alliance, and who feared these wizard demons as much as he did. "Weatherby! Come on. Help me locate a ship that'll get us out of here."

"What's your hurry?" Antonio asked curiously. "What's going on?"

Smith hesitated a moment and answered. "We're fighting back against these demons. Get in if you want to live."

"Demons?" Antonio stumbled through the word.

Smith nodded. "That earlier explosion was the… warning shot of sorts. Now come on, you're a good man. You don't have to die here with these freaks."

Antonio wasn't quite sure what came over him, but he climbed up towards Smith and pointed towards the sky over Smith's shoulder. "What's that?"

Smith spun around in fear, looked up, and saw nothing. When he turned back to Antonio, he briefly caught a glimpse of closed fist headed for his face before everything went black.

"Oww, oww, oww!" Antonio whined shaking his hand. "It hurts! It hurts!" Antonio stopped cursing to himself and looked at his bloodied knuckles. He saw a tooth was stuck in between his fingers. "Cool!"

Antonio looked up and saw the Firefly class spaceship Serenity zipping by headed back towards the warded center of town. It appeared Inara hadn't gotten her up into the air, but she was moving. And that reminded Antonio he needed to get moving too. He hefted the unconscious Assistant Director out of the pilot's chair and managed to taxi his way and catch up with the wildly swerving Serenity.

* * *

Zoe ran back towards the Captain. "Fullerton's indisposed with the goblins maintaining the wards. They say we won't know if the danger has passed until we hear from Harry." 

Mal grunted and hated standing around waiting for things to happen. He saw a slight flash of hesitation cross Zoe's face. "What is it?"

Zoe swallowed and explained, "They say Inara grabbed Antonio and was dragging him off for something. No one's seen either of them since. Algernon did some magic thing and doesn't think they're inside the wards."

* * *

"River sweetie," Frank began and trying to lighten the mood. "Make sure you tell Serenity I loved her. I always longed to dock with her and make lots of little shuttles." 

River groaned and couldn't help but to smile. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Have you seen those curves?" Frank whistled. "Well, I know some might think she's a bit thick, but I like a girl with a healthy cargo bay."

River was outright chuckling now. "These may be your last words and this is what you want to say? What you want to be remembered by?"

"Oh come on," Frank kept going. "Frank and Serenity? It would've been a great relation-_ship_."

River knew it was coming, but it didn't help as she closed her eyes at the inevitable pun. "Harry needs to hurry up," she said with an amused grin.

"I should be offended," Frank admitted without a drop of bitterness. "But you're right."

"How far out are you?" River asked half-hoping he was idling in the middle of an Alliance conference room, or perhaps Blue Sun Research and Development facility.

A long moment of silence hung in the air followed by a quiet, "Oops."

"Oops?" River snapped loudly. "Are you kidding me?"

"I was worried about you! And Miranda! And Earth! And everyone else! I'm sorry," Frank snapped back. "I'm taking off now. Cut a dying ship some slack here."

River clenched her eyes shut knowing there was no one to blame and nothing she could do. "Where are you Harry?"

* * *

Harry coated his right hand with a sticking charm and grabbed onto a metal handle of the bomb. The primary device was just over a foot and a half in diameter and approximately four feet long sitting in a recessed circular harness. He could barely see through the flames licking around him, but he tried to summon himself back up the tunnel, in an effort to slow down the weapon's descent. He felt his shoulder lurch out of socket, and cursed his frailty. Getting his arm torn clear off would not be very helpful, but he oddly thought that at least the flames would cauterize the accidental amputation. 

Harry felt the shameful slap of common sense hit him and he remembered the latches locking the bomb onto its harness. He released the latches, but that still left him with a heavy chunk of metal, falling straight down at approximately 350 miles per hour.

Harry knew Fawkes was overdue for a burning day, but desperately hoped the phoenix hadn't gone flambé yet. He sent out a mental call so loud, that all the phoenixes on the planet took notice. "FAWKES!"

Knowing he probably had less then a minute and a half left, he was idly considering what would happen if he fell short in an attempt to apparate the bomb into the emptiness of space. If nothing else he'd have to try, but he wasn't exactly brimming with confidence on that one. Suddenly, the haggard, extremely worn-out looking phoenix appeared just behind the rapidly descending bomb and passenger.

Harry couldn't see Fawkes, but he could feel him. And he felt worry and sorrow more than anything. Harry assured Fawkes he didn't care about the phoenix's warning, and to just get them out of here.

Harry felt a sense of reluctant acceptance and reached out to grab the tail feathers of the weary, tired, and weak phoenix. In a sharp burst of fire, Fawkes pulled Harry, bomb and all, away only to reappear in the Fidelius protected basement of the main office building.

"Harry!" River shrieked out at the sudden appearance. It felt like she'd been waiting for hours her entire body was so tense.

Harry grunted as the bomb was pulling his limp right arm down, but he managed to keep from slamming it into the ground and triggering it prematurely. He knew how he must have looked, but Harry kept his focus on his priorities, which were in both of his hands.

His right arm felt pretty useless, but kept a firm hold on the bomb. It was his left arm that had become the more immediate problem. Just as Fawkes had informed him, the fire-flashing transportation had expended the last of the magical bird's energy, and Harry's left hand was a giant scorching ball of fire as he held onto the phoenix going through the flames of rebirth.

River had returned with a fire extinguisher in a matter of seconds and began to spray it straight towards Harry's burning hand. It took nearly all of Harry's energy to bring up a shield and protect his left hand, as he felt the flesh tightening up and flaking off.

"Stop! River, stop!" Harry called out. "You'll kill Fawkes!" Harry kept his eyes clenched shut as he felt Fawkes' miraculous transformation complete. He canceled the sticking charm on the bomb and balanced it on the ground momentarily. He ripped the tattered shreds of his smoldering robe from his body with his gimpy but functional right arm. He tossed the fabric remnants towards the wide-eyed River who caught them and held them up.

Harry looked at the infant featherless bird cradled in what remained of his left hand. He carefully lifted Fawkes as blackened flecks of ash fell off the exposed bones of his fingers. He gently set the bird down in the makeshift nest the shreds of his robe provided in River's arms. "Be extremely careful with him."

Harry spun towards where the cabinets should have been and his eyes widened in shock. "Where's the other cabinet?"

River knew this was coming but stood firm. "Frank told me to hide it."

"_What_?" Harry asked grabbing hold of the bomb with his working arm.

"There's no time. It was Frank's choice." River insisted.

Harry grunted as he swore in anger. He slung the bomb into the only cabinet in frustration. Snapping the door shut, he hobbled over towards River cradling Fawkes. He felt the magic in the air and reacted instantaneously. He tried his best to get up a bunker shield in front of him, River, and Fawkes, praying he had enough magic left in his reserves.

The magical backlash from the cabinet slammed into Harry's shield and sent him and River both careening through the concrete wall behind him. He felt his well of magic run dry and he knew he'd done all he could as blackness overtook him.

* * *

"We need to go find Inara and Antonio!" Mal snapped. He saw Zoe wasn't looking at him. "Are you even listening to me?" 

"Captain," Zoe said, staring up at the sky. She gestured up, not even turning towards Mal.

Mal looked up and saw what looked like a giant purple and green supernova. "_Wu de ma_!" It had obviously made it to outer space, but not by much it appeared.

"That's… that's…"

"That's just the first half of the bomb," Mal said. "Someone go make sure these wards are gonna hold. And where the hell is Inara!"

"There!" Zoe snapped and pointed towards the road ahead.

Scampering down the road in a skiff filled with half a dozen other people was Jayne. Hot on his tail were a pair of spaceships almost as wide as the road.

Driving in a straight line was not one of Inara's strong points, but she was doing her best not to run over Jayne or the scared people riding with him.

Mal snapped at the goblins, "Let them in! Quick!"

The crowds had to part as many feared for their lives, but Jayne swerved out of Inara's way just inside the wards. Inara managed to screech to a stop without seriously injuring anyone. Antonio was following right behind her at a far more controlled pace. The goblins sealed the wards back up immediately.

"Sorry Mal," Inara called out running up to the others. "But I didn't want to leave Serenity outside of the wards."

Mal just smiled tightly at her and hugged her when it looked like she was going to break down.

Antonio stuck his head out of the second ship and yelled, "Hey Jayne! Come shoot this guy!"

"Okay," Jayne agreed readily and hurried over towards Antonio's ship. "Tranq gun or a proper one?"

"Tranq for now," Antonio answered. "Proper later."

Jayne grinned and saw the man's face had been bloodied already. Jayne fired three shots just to be sure.

"What's happened? Is it safe? Are we going to be okay?" Inara asked once she got a better hold of herself. She saw everyone looking up while she was talking and spotted the celestial wreckage in the sky. "That's it?"

Mal shrugged uncertainly. "That could just be the first half of the bomb. The second part might…"

The Captain's voice trailed off as everyone inside the protected goblin wards gasped or looked away. The entire sky flashed white and exploded into flames.


	39. CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT: It Has to End

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT – It Has to End Sometime**

Harry heard the sound of phoenix song in the distance. He could smell the sterility of a hospital wing and tried to remember what inane idea he'd acted upon that landed him wherever he was.

Nothing much was coming to mind, and Harry's body felt pretty numb. Deciding to bite the bullet, Harry cracked one eye open and flinched at the bright light streaming into the room. He blinked his eyes for ten seconds adjusting to the daylight.

Harry glanced over to the left and saw sunlight streaming in the window. He felt a slight breeze and realized the window was wide open. He turned his head fully towards the window when he felt a strangely familiar pull on the right side of his head.

"Oh for crying out loud," Harry groaned quietly. He turned his head to the right as far as he could and saw River sleeping, draped over the side of his hospital bed.

Harry watched her sleep for a moment out of the corner of his eye, not in the mood to disturb her just yet. He was amazed at how innocent she appeared when she slept. Suddenly his last conscious actions came to mind: catching the E-271 weapon, Fawkes taking them away, the phoenix going through his burning day, getting the bomb into the vanishing cabinet, and the apparent death of the magical hyperdrive spaceship Frank.

Harry felt a gentle nibble on his left ear and turned back towards the window. He felt something shifting and wriggling before a little phoenix head popped up right in front of Harry's eye startling him.

Fawkes was covered in feathers again and warbled a cheerful greeting at Harry. Harry closed his eyes and felt the warmth the phoenix was soothingly sending into his mind. Harry was reveling in the affection Fawkes was showing for him.

"So you're going to be okay?" Harry whispered towards phoenix nestled up by his left cheek.

Fawkes nodded and sent strong feelings of gratitude and pride.

"What've I missed?"

Four distinct flares of emotion came back to back in Harry's mind.

"Four days?" Harry snapped louder than he expected.

Fawkes was highly amused as River woke up suddenly. "Harry?" she asked him.

"River," Harry grumbled at her. "Am I going to wake up with your finger in my ear every time?"

River plucked her hand away from Harry gently and answered. "Maybe."

"Why?"

"I needed you," River smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Numb, confused, but better than usual," Harry rolled his head around now that he safely could. He leaned forward and saw his left arm was strapped into a plastic harness and covered with a moist towel. Harry grimaced remembering the pain of feeling the flesh melt from his bones and decided he didn't want to see how bad that looked just yet. To be honest, he was pleasantly surprised he still had the arm.

Harry processed what River had said and asked, "You needed me?"

River was frowning but reluctantly nodded.

Harry sensed her hesitation but saw her forcing herself to keep eye contact with Harry. He caught on to the unspoken invitation and plunged straight into her mind.

Harry slid past her shields with ease, but found himself continuing through a second set of shields that River was pulling him through. He looked around and saw the familiar grassy field of her mind but there were two immense shields surrounding them. Trapped in between the two sets of shields was a maelstrom of dark and swirling thoughts that were clearly out of place.

Harry looked over his shoulder and saw a much younger River standing behind him. She was probably six or seven and she reached up to hold Harry's hand with a mischievous smile. Harry just looked at her curiously and the little girl shrugged unashamed. "Oops."

"River," Harry scolded. "You think I'm any less inclined to yell at a six year old?"

River quickly grew to her proper age and size. "No, but I guess a spanking was hoping for too much."

Harry recognized Luna's influence and rolled his eyes. "A little explanation is in order, perhaps?"

River pointed towards the dark clouds and violent flashes of emotion in the sky. "That… that's… probably not supposed to be here."

"I surmised that much," Harry assured her. "Do you want me to figure this out for myself or are you going to enlighten me?"

River shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure what happened, well I mean I know what happened, I'm just not sure _how_ it happened, or how to make it unhappen, or how-"

Harry cleared his throat loudly having not seen her so embarrassed in a while.

River stopped rambling and called up a water balloon. "I'll just show you," she said tossing the water balloon straight at Harry.

Harry recognized that as her preferred way of sharing memories and let the balloon crash onto him as the scenes unfolded before his eyes. He saw a man tied to a chair waking up, about to be interrogated. He heard Algernon and Fullerton justifying the use of Harry's veritaserum. He saw River's weak hold over her temper collapse as anger took control. He sensed a loyalty to him more than anything else and tried to ignore the implications of that. Then he felt her wild _Legilimency_ flare out of control, fueled by her rage. She held nothing back in attacking and ripping every secret and thought out of the man's head. Jack Smith's head, Harry quickly realized.

Then Harry felt River's pain and confusion as her mind was splitting, overcome with the influx of memories, thoughts, and feelings. He saw her calling out for him and felt a little guilty that he wasn't going to be able to help her in this memory.

It was a chaotic series of images as Simon knew what to do and he carried her towards Harry's hospital room. River's memories became clearer as she seemed to finally calm down. It appeared her psyche was still reliant on proximity to Harry as her anchor, and eventually he felt her decide to jam her finger in his ear for old time's sake.

She was able to maintain a façade of doing just fine, when she kept close to Harry. Fullerton and Algernon came in to try and figure out what happened from her point of view. It appeared in seeking out Smith's secrets she had pretty much forced him to relive every moment and thought of his life in a matter of seconds, or essentially as fast as her brain could process and input the information. Smith's synapses weren't quite up to the task though and he was left a drooling vegetable with emptiness in place of his mind. While River was overcome with a lifetime she could do without.

"Is that what happened?" River's voice interrupted Harry's train of thought.

Harry smiled at her. "Were you reading my mind?"

River shrugged. "You were reading mine. I figured that'd be within the rules."

Harry nodded and explained, "That's what I think I saw happening there. Because I know how much faster your mind works, and you certainly fried his brain."

River was smiling in spite of herself. "Good."

"Good?" Harry repeated, hiding his own indifference to the situation. "You've irreparably damaged a human being? Doesn't that bother you?"

"Nope," River shook her head resolutely. "I've seen the kind of person he is. And I'd do the same to the people who put the Pax on this planet and the people who messed with my head."

Harry was fighting a smile at how fixed she was in her convictions, though he found himself agreeing with her. "Anyone else?"

River sighed sadly and shrugged. "Probably."

"So what have you done with Jack out there?" Harry pointed towards the memories trapped between shields. "Besides cordon him off. Have you taken the time to sort through him?"

"A little," River admitted. "But it's just too much. I was hoping you could help because Fullerton couldn't."

"He couldn't?" Harry inquired. "What do you mean by that?"

River shrugged. "My shields are too strong for memory charms he said. And even when I tried to let him in, he wasn't able to pierce his way through them. I think he was a bit offended that a so-called _muggle_ had stronger shields than him."

Harry chuckled. "I'd imagine the mere idea of a non-magical witch being capable of Occlumency and Legilimency didn't sit too well with him."

"Yes well," River admitted. "It appears you have no problems at all getting in here. And since your key still works, you get to help me clean up." She finished with a flourish towards the wild, dark memories.

Harry nodded and agreed. "You ready now? Because I'd like to know a whole lot more about Jack Smith."

River grabbed a hold of Harry's hand and leaped into the air, pulling him with her. They passed straight through the inner shield and were quickly surrounded by memories and thoughts of the man. As they sorted through everything, large buckets appeared near them that they were depositing the metaphysical representations of memories into.

Harry had gleaned an awful lot, including the fact that Jack Smith was not working for the Alliance in any official capacity on this trip to Miranda. He felt shame when he found the memory of Stephanie Smith, telling Jack all about Harry Fullerton and how her boyfriend and his roommate's heads were messed with.

Harry followed those trains of thought and found out that this was a last minute plan. Jack was responsible for disposing of the E-271 weapon, and he knew that Antonio had hitched a ride with the wizards. So when word came by that a staff was being assigned to work for Antonio, Jack knew he had the perfect opportunity. The man hadn't even checked out his niece from the Matthias Institute yet. He'd been so rushed with getting the weapon to Miranda that he was going to deal with her when he got back.

Harry quickly followed those thoughts further and began to note every family member's face and name. Harry was determining how dangerous or fervent they were about destroying wizard demons. Frustration crept in as he accepted it was simply their careless mistakes and horrible unfortunate luck that led them to this situation. It wasn't the evil and cruel Alliance or a premeditated attack of any sort. The only real enemy in this already had his mind broken.

It had only been one lucky nutcase and a humbling reminder.

Harry glanced over as River was tiredly sorting through thoughts. He said, "I think I've learned everything I want to for now. You want me to cap all of this stuff for you?"

River's ears perked up and she looked at him hopefully. "Cap?"

"Yeah cap," Harry nodded. "Rarely used derivative of a memory charm, only you're aware it's there. And if you meditate inside your shields, like we are here, and focus on the cap, then you can access the memories behind the cap with a bit of effort."

"Please," River agreed.

"It's not terribly easy to get to capped memories, but sorting through everything is going to take forever," Harry explained.

"Got it, got it, don't care, do it," River said nodding her head up and down repeatedly.

"I'm going to need to be boss here while I do it," Harry assured her, knowing that pointing out she had to trust him was a bit redundant. With a fizzing snap a larger dome encircled even River's outer shields and Harry prepared to shatter River's two sets of shields, when suddenly he didn't have to.

River had dropped both sets of the shields, as soon as she realized what Harry was going to do and she felt like shrinking down to a six year old girl again. The vast amounts of Jack Smith's thoughts and memories were swirling and flying all around, while Harry began working his magic.

River sat down on the grass cross-legged and just watched Harry summon the black spectral memories from all areas and collect them into what appeared to be a pirate's treasure chest. It took about five minutes pulling them all in and the buckets of sorted memories were set inside the chest at the top. The lid slammed shut and Harry sat himself down tiredly. He shrunk himself down until he too appeared to be a six-year old kid, though Harry made sure he was still taller than her.

"Done?" River asked him as she was hugging her legs up to her body.

Harry flopped down onto his back looking up at the sky and dome surrounding them. He nodded and added, "My magic felt… different. Just slightly, but there was something off about it."

River looked up and her shield snapped into place inside of Harry's.

Harry let his dome dissipate and sighed. "Thanks."

"Was it in your left hand?" River asked curious about his shift in magic.

Harry looked at his hands and saw they looked normal. "I suppose that's probably it. But it wasn't drained or weakened. If anything I feel a little stronger or maybe just energized."

River beamed at him. "That makes sense."

"Stronger?" Harry looked at her curiously. "Do I really need to be stronger? And why does that make sense?"

"Come on," River said standing up and offering a hand to help Harry up. "It's probably about time for a visit."

Harry saw the bright smile on the six year old River's face and she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. He was about to scold her on the dangers of cooties when a gentle nudge expelled him from her mind and back into his prone position on his hospital bed.

"It's about time," Simon grumbled as saw Harry and his sister were waking from their respective mental trances. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good actually," Harry began.

"I was talking to my sister," Simon chided with a smile.

"Shush," River snapped at him, knowing he hadn't been talking to her. "And for the record, I'm all better now."

"Good," Simon nodded and looked at Harry. "And what about you? Can you lift your right arm? Any soreness in your shoulder? Aches or pains?"

Harry lifted it up in the air and moved it in a small circle. "Seems okay to me. A little soreness maybe. Did you heal this one, Doc?"

Simon grinned. "I got the pleasure of resetting it into its socket. Something I want you to know was quite fun for me."

"I'm sure," Harry dryly replied.

"It didn't require much healing," Simon continued. "A few scrapes and burns on your back were treated with ointments, creams, and biodegradable glue. We wanted to ensure the extent of the magical healing was only on your left arm and hand."

"I thought I'd tapped myself out before it went black," Harry commented. "If you've been able to do this much healing, then I guess I really was exhausted."

"No complications at first, though you've been getting progressively more resistant to treatment," Simon commented. "Your magic's probably taken over healing the rest of the small stuff."

Harry nodded figuring as much. He thought about the difference between small stuff and big stuff. "So there's still a hand in here?" Harry said gesturing to his left arm that he was reluctant to move.

Simon smirked. "Well it's got five fingers whatever it is." Simon looked up as Fawkes chirped. "And it appears your healers are right on time as usual."

Harry looked towards the window Simon had been watching and saw a flock of eight phoenixes flying in, cheering their own unique magical songs as they came. Different shades of red, brown, yellow, and blue feathers adorned them all. Harry used his good arm to pinch his right thigh, ensuring he wouldn't cry like a baby at the emotional effect their songs were having on him. He could feel Fawkes' amusement at his determination to look manly.

Simon lifted the moist towel off the plastic mold Harry's arm was resting in and Harry got his first look at his arm. He gasped and stated the obvious. "My arm is black! And my middle finger is bone!"

"It was all bone a few days ago," Simon commented standing back as the phoenixes perched on the edge of Harry's bed. The first one tilted its head down and cried half a dozen tears onto Harry's hand. It lingered a moment squeezing out the last drop it could before it took to the air, warbling a goodbye as it flew away.

"I've yet to see the same phoenix twice," River commented. "I didn't realize there were so many here."

Harry was transfixed as he watched the next phoenix in line hop onto the edge of the bed and cry more tears on his hand.

"Apparently protecting Fawkes in spite of him barbecuing your hand earned you some bonus points among the phoenixes," River commented. "They come in groups every few hours."

Harry was trying his best to project feelings of gratitude and appreciation towards the phoenixes, while at the same time pinching his thigh so hard that it too was making his eyes water. He cleared his throat and asked, "So my muscle tissue and skin has all regrown from their tears?"

"Almost all tears," River added with a small grin.

Harry felt Fawkes embarrassment and turned his head towards the still small bird. "What did you do?"

Fawkes sat up proudly and wasn't saying a word.

"Fawkes tried to cry on your hand after only a day," River said ignoring the angry look Fawkes was giving her. "He ended up coughing up something chunky instead."

Harry saw Fawkes had gotten over his embarrassment and was proudly showing the back of his throat in an effort to cough up something more again. "You silly magical fire-turkey."

The phoenix that had been in the process of crying on Harry's hand looked up sharply.

"Not you!" Harry assured the one with dark blue feathers. He pointed over his shoulder at Fawkes who was still snuggled up on the left side of Harry's head. "This one. You, you're beautiful and wonderful and thank you very much." Harry smiled weakly. "Please don't claw my eyes out."

The phoenix in question just snickered and shook one last teardrop onto Harry's hand. It flew away singing a few notes of amusement and warning.

Simon wasn't looking at Harry's chart anymore. He was just watching the magical birds. "That first night after the sky stopped burning, you room was overrun with phoenixes in here all wanting to help. Fullerton put together that tray so that your arm could soak, and we've been alternating between anesthetics and localized magical binds to keep your arm in place."

Harry nodded figuring as much before he realized what Simon had said. "Back up! Hold on! _The sky was burning?_ What?"

Simon glanced at River who reached into her pocket and pulled out Harry's communicator. She kept a sad smile on her face and just handed it to Harry.

Harry accepted the device back and saw the last of the phoenixes had finished crying on his hand. He didn't think his middle finger was covered with more visible sinewy flesh than it had been before, but the charcoal black color made it difficult to tell. The phoenix chirped a sad goodbye to Harry and flew off.

Simon saw the phoenix tears filled the plastic mold and just barely covered the entirety of Harry's hand in the warm tingly fluid. He took the wet towel and pulled it back over, ensuring the moisture wasn't going to dry out before it could be absorbed or do its magic.

Harry wasn't certain what was going on, but he could tell there was a shift towards a much more somber attitude in the air.

"Hey Harry," Mr. Universe's face popped up on the small video screen of the device. "Got a recording for you here. You ready for it?"

Harry suddenly realized just who this recording was going to be of and wondered why he was feeling so angry at him. "Yeah," Harry said taking a deep breath. "Yeah I'm ready."

"I know you Harry!" The voice sounded the same, but the video screen was blank. Harry could tell right away it was no longer Mr. Universe.

"This is Frank in case your feeble little wizard mind hasn't been able to figure that one out yet. I just ordered River to hide the other vanishing cabinet. Knowing you and your ridiculous need to save everyone, I doubt you even considered letting me take this one."

Frank sounded as angry as Harry had been feeling. "That's why it's up to me to keep you from doing something horrendously stupid. Like put that bomb in the only safe place on Earth where it'd likely destroy the only other known magical planet. So before you start getting angry at River or anyone else, know that this was my choice. This was _my_ chance and _my_ opportunity."

Harry could feel Simon and River both staring at him, but he was focused solely on the communicator. He swallowed the lump in his throat and kept staring at the empty screen.

"I know I've got like a minute or two here to say goodbye and all, but I'm struggling to come up with anything catchy enough to put on a spaceship's tombstone. That and there really aren't any good words to rhyme with hyperdrive for a proper naughty limerick."

Harry began to chuckle and Frank's voice came back forcefully, "And no, diaper-drive isn't a word. Although 'swipe her wide' could… never mind."

Harry found himself searching for potential rhymes too when Frank started back up. "Okay, River just reminded me of something that I'm hoping won't matter but I definitely need to wrap this up. It's weird. In a lot of ways, I'm a clone of Mr. Universe, but beyond being intelligent and conscious, I'm also one big thing he's not. I'm _alive._

"And that's one of those scary, amazing existence defining concepts. But part of truly being alive means I have to die. Something that I'm proud to say I'm looking forward to. Another new experience for me. _And_ I get to do it saving people. Ahh, who am I kidding? I like a lot of people but really… really it's my friend that I'm doing this for. You could be all alone on that planet and I'd still force you to give me that bomb."

Harry was so focused on the words he didn't even notice the tears streaming down his face.

"So I just wanted to say, thanks Harry. For everything from life to death and in between. And for especially letting me save your ass and giving me the chance to be the big damn he-"

Mr. Universe's face popped up with a grin. "How's that for ironic timing?" He chuckled and said, "I'm going to splice in the full word 'hero' like he wanted but I figured I'd show you the director's cut first."

Harry laughed at Mr. Universe and realized how he looked. He set the device down in his lap and was wiping his face clean.

River was still sitting off to the side and asked softly, "Want me to pinch your thigh really hard?"

Harry shook his head and chuckled.

"I'll do it," River insisted.

"That's okay," Harry said smiling at her. "You'd probably miss on purpose. Hey, did whatever you reminded him of, end up mattering?"

River shook her head. "Not in the grand scheme of things, nope."

"So what was it?" Harry asked curiously.

River paused and Mr. Universe chose to answer instead, "Apparently, in waxing philosophic over existence, he had… umm… neglected to remember to fly away."

Harry looked horrified for a moment before bursting out laughing.

"Don't laugh at him!" Mr. Universe snapped. "He's a big damn hero."

"I'm sure," Harry agreed. "No, I'm happy for him and the fact that we're all here means he saved us all. But it's just funny. And something tells me this may tie in to the sky burning that the Doc mentioned earlier."

River nodded. "Frank made it up and out of the atmosphere and a little ways out into space before the bomb went off."

Mr. Universe continued, "The shockwave aspect of the bomb split apart the hyperdrive engine and exploded with such heat that the casing of the third stage of the bomb sealed shut."

"It's still out there?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Nope," Mr. Universe said. "The explosion just happened to send that piece straight back towards Miranda where re-entry melted the casing enough to make the big boom. An awful lot of gas ignited and burned for a while."

Harry was watching a video play on the small screen that showed the purple and green colors of where Frank had been before it flashed blindingly white and the entire sky was shimmering and whipping with flames.

"I didn't know the sky could catch fire," Harry commented.

"Makes for a powerful visual though," Mr. Universe commented.

"Any casualties?" Harry asked in a softer voice than he'd expected.

"A few buildings are going to need to be torn down and rebuilt, but the only people were the two Alliance Security workers that Jack Smith sacrificed."

Harry frowned harshly. "He didn't even tell them that starting that sequence was going to kill them."

"The goblin wards held up," River answered. "And the air and water treatment facilities were fixed. The fleet took a big hit though."

"Serenity?" Harry said looking up fearfully.

"Inara actually saved Serenity and got her inside the wards," Simon answered and glanced at his watch. "If you're doing alright, I should probably get going."

Harry nodded. "I'm fine."

Simon smiled and left River and Harry alone.

River watched him leave and said, "Kaylee had to go back to work to help them piece together the working ship parts. But he's been checking on the both of us a lot."

"What's happened with Antonio?" Harry asked.

"What do you mean?"

"His staff," Harry clarified. "According to Smith, they didn't know anything about this and were simply coming to start their new jobs."

River shrugged. "None of them were at all involved and we've been keeping them in the dark."

Harry nodded thinking deeply on where to go from here. He reached over pulled the towel off his left arm. He consciously pulled at his magic, trying to locate what had felt so different. River was correct and it was his left hand that felt different. He canceled the binding spells on his arm and lifted it out of the plastic healing tub.

The phoenix tears were thicker than water and the viscous liquid was dripping down his arm. Harry began to rub it into his blackened arm and hand with his right. Just these slight actions reaffirmed his belief that the phoenix tears weren't simply healing his arm but turning it into something else.

"How does it feel?" River asked curiously.

Harry tried clenching his left arm into a fist and felt the skin tightening. "Very strange." He began to softly scratch at the surface and found the blackened flesh was oddly malleable and tough, like well-oiled leather. "It doesn't hurt though."

Harry was running his good hand over his permanently charred fingers, tracing the rough, sandpaper like surface of his middle finger. He didn't understand how it could still work and act with bone exposed.

"Can I touch it?" River inquired with a tilt of her head.

Harry grabbed the moist towel and wiped his arm clean. He used the sheet covering him to dry it off and extended it towards River. "Go ahead."

River brushed her fingertips over the meat of his palm, before beginning to poke and prod his wrist and forearm. She was using her nail to try and scratch it off like an old lotto ticket. "Hmm," she mused aloud. "I thought it might be hot. Or maybe cold, but other than the color it seems pretty normal."

"I bet it's chewier," Harry commented as he pulled away to sniff his hand. He tried biting down on his middle finger and realized it wasn't as sensitive to pain.

"So what can it do?" River asked.

Harry stopped and looked at her completely dumbfounded. "What can it do?" he repeated.

"Well, it's not normal, is it?"

Harry considered what he knew about his arm. It had been healed by dozens of phoenixes something Harry had never heard of happening. The flesh was probably all due to the magical tears and the solid black color indicated something unnatural at the least. And his magic felt different. Not really more refined or wilder, nor did it seem stronger or weaker, but something had been fundamentally altered.

Harry resigned himself to admitting, "It's as normal as you are."

"You have no idea, do you?"

"Not a clue."

River furrowed her brow. "So it could be anything?"

"Yeah," Harry suddenly realized. "Anything."

River wasn't quite sure what the gleam in Harry's eye meant but had a question on her mind. "Can I ask you something?"

Harry looked at her curiously resisting the urge to point out she just asked one. "You need permission?"

"Why aren't you angrier?"

Harry smiled at her. "Who says I'm not angry?"

"I was angry enough to turn a guy's brain into figgy pudding," River commented. "You're smiling and… introspective."

"I'm sure you've seen the Captain bottle up his feelings," Harry commented. "Part of my mental organization is to often do exactly that. I've been depositing most of my current impulses there, saving up a nice jar full of fury."

"Saving for what?"

Harry knew a lot of his anger was directed at himself but answered, "Someone more deserving of it than you."

"Harry?" Fullerton said cautiously sticking his head into the room.

"Get in here, Fullerton," Harry ordered. "You too, Algernon."

Algernon stuck his head around the corner after Fullerton walked in. "How'd you know I was here?"

Harry pointed at Fullerton. "He looks scared enough that I doubted he'd have come alone."

"I do not," Fullerton indignantly argued.

Harry just glared and a low warning rumble came from the back of his throat.

Fullerton flinched, forgetting momentarily he was trying to not look scared.

"You do have a jar, don't you?" River smiled.

Fawkes was snickering from his half asleep position there on Harry's pillow.

Harry's anger dissipated immediately and he scratched the young phoenix behind the ear. "It doesn't work as well when you're laughing at me." Harry swung his legs off the side of the bed and sat on the edge. He stretched his arms out and yawned.

River stood and stretched her arms as well. She saw Fullerton and Algernon looked a little nervous. "I'm going to go get us a couple meals. You have a preference?"

"Anything's good," Harry answered. "Thanks."

The three of them watched River leave the room in silence before Harry turned to the other two wizards. He saw how uncomfortable they looked and said, "Relax, boys, I'm not angry at you. My brain knows you did the right thing, taking the other cabinet away to safety. I just, occasionally have control issues. So what've you done?"

"Piecing together ships, fixing buildings, repairing and warding the air and water treatment facilities, so far only dealing with the things on the planet that we can," Algernon answered, glad to hear Harry didn't blame him for taking the cabinet away.

"We decided to give you a week before contacting the Alliance," Fullerton explained. "Without… Frank, it's a good two week flight, and we don't exactly have a surplus of ships. We didn't want to show weakness in a wave either, so it's been a communications blackout for now. Duncan's sending over four ships as loaners and stocked them full of fuel. The majority of our fuel reserves ignited and burned away."

Harry sighed. "We really messed this up, didn't we?"

Fullerton winced. "What's done is done. From what River has told us, Smith was acting independently."

"He was," Harry nodded. "Though I think we should modify the memories of all the less active members of your vengeful little secret order of the squib."

"Agreed and speaking of her," Algernon asked. "How in Merlin's name did you teach a muggle _Occlumency_? Let alone whatever she did to Smith."

"She was already doing _Legilimency_, so the _Occlumency_ was primarily discipline," Harry replied. "I've seen most of Jack Smith's highlights. Did River tell you about him?"

"She mentioned a few things," Fullerton carefully answered. "But she was struggling to communicate so I wasn't entirely sure how accurate her understanding was."

River chose that moment to return carrying a single tray filled with food. She sat a bowl of jelly soup onto the pillow near Fawkes and joined Harry in sitting on the edge of his bed, with the tray in between them.

She looked up and saw them all looking at her curiously. She grabbed a carrot stick and bit a chunk off with a loud snap. "You're welcome to keep talking about me. I don't mind."

"That's alright," Harry grinned, grabbing a drumstick. "Unless either of these two speaks Tobrik, I'm not sure they'll ever understand you."

River nodded in agreement.

"Considering the Alliance isn't at fault here," Harry continued. "I think I'm going to vent a bit of my anger their way and see if I can't strengthen their resolve in assisting the wizarding world. Any objections?"

"Can I come?" River asked.

"No," Harry answered immediately.

"How are we going to do this?" Fullerton inquired, slightly surprised River wasn't protesting Harry's snap decision.

"No 'we' this time. This one's going to be just me," Harry replied.

"What are you going to do?" Fullerton asked.

Harry flashed the familiar smile that made the others worry. "You've got them thinking I'm a god. I figure I should put a little fear into them." Harry ran a quick test on his magic and found it satisfactory. "And I know just how I want to do it." Without a sound, Harry apparated away.

"I think he's feeling better," River said, demonstrating her gift for understatement. She grabbed some more food and waited for Harry to return.

Harry reappeared about a minute later, grinning deviously and dressed in some of his most comfortable wizarding robes. "Needed to pick up a toy. I'm all set now."

Fullerton got the feeling he didn't want to know. "When are you leaving?"

"After I finish eating," Harry said grabbing another drumstick.

"Serenity?" River asked.

Harry shook his head. "Nope."

"How are you going to get there?" Fullerton asked, getting the feeling Harry knew something he didn't.

Harry looked down as his blackened left hand and arm. "It's been centuries since there have been any advancements or new developments in magic. I think it's about time we started to adapt to the twenty-sixth century."

"What does that mean?" Algernon asked curiously.

Harry confidently answered, "I'm going to take a portkey there."

"A portkey?" Fullerton clarified. "Across planets?"

Harry nodded.

"Is that possible?" Algernon said doubtfully.

"It will be," Harry assured them. He grabbed the small plastic bowl of grapes and popped a couple into his mouth. He then dumped the last of the grapes onto the tray.

Harry saw they were all watching him. "Interplanetary travel was never anything a wizard needed before but now we do." He lifted the plastic bowl up in front of him, holding it in his blackened fingertips.

Harry closed his eyes and focused clearly on his intentions. "_Portus_."

Fullerton and Algernon were absorbed in watching the spell and their eyes widened at the sight of the cream colored plastic bowl flaring in a purple flash of magic. Small sparks were sloughing off the sides of Harry's blackened hand and the plastic bowl was now a see-through crystalline blue structure of the exact same shape.

Harry opened his eyes, slightly amazed at how different and filtered the magic felt flowing through his left hand. He knew without a doubt the spell had succeeded but still, the sight of the now glassy-looking bowl surprised him. "Huh."

"That's really an interplanetary portkey, isn't it?" Algernon said, trying to mask his astonishment.

Harry nodded. "Yup."

"Amazing," Fullerton said with a bright smile. "How did you know?"

Harry showed them his black left arm. "This is new. So it's more the fact that I didn't know. And it could be anything."

"My idea," River claimed.

"Yup, her idea," Harry parroted as he hopped off the bed. Harry cracked the tightness out of his neck. "I'll be back." Harry took a deep breath and decided it was time to open up that jar. "Frank," he said activating the portkey.

The three others just watched him disappear, leaving a trail of purple sparks in his wake as he was transported away.

"Well, magical space travel is going to be a nice thing to have," River grinned at the looks on the two wizard's faces.

"Adapting to the twenty-sixth century, huh?" Algernon commented.

Fullerton nodded. "Let's go tell Anna she's going to have a big project keeping her busy."

"Anna?" River asked curiously.

"She's our resident spell-crafter," Fullerton answered. "She'll break down one of Harry's purple interplanetary portkeys so we can see if those of us without phoenix-affected arms can make them."

River nodded and scratched Fawkes behind the ears. She then followed the two wizards out of the hospital room and went to inform the Captain.

* * *

Harry was expecting to feel the hook just behind his navel that he always associated with portkeys, which is exactly what he felt for a moment. Then he realized he was being pulled by more than just his bellybutton. The swirl of magic and howl of wind lasted for just a few seconds before Harry was in a vacuum of silence. He could feel the magic tugging at his navel, at his throat, and most uncomfortably, at his bottom. 

Harry was holding his breath in the silent swirl of magic, realizing the vacuum was due to traveling through space and he wasn't sure if he even could breathe with the pull at his throat. Just as he began to worry he wouldn't be able to hold his breath long enough, the wind started howling again and his feet slammed into the ground viciously.

Immediately upon landing, Harry sucked in as much breath as he possibly could. He noticed he'd interrupted a small meeting of three people, who were all just staring at him in shock. Harry opened his mouth to greet them but only found his nausea had another idea. The meal he'd just finished eating came right back up splattering onto the conference table in front of them.

Harry glanced up and saw the three other people in the room were running away and screaming. He stunned them all before they could leave and took a moment to adjust. "It couldn't just be a more pleasant way to travel, could it? It just had to be worse than normal portkeys."

Harry caught his breath and looked at the treacherous portkey in his hand. The clear blue crystalline structure just sat there innocently, mocking Harry. "That's it. I'm building a space-broom."

Harry took his frustration and anger and added it to the brimming jar of fury. He cleaned up his vomit, resuscitated the small group, memory charmed them, and left them to their meeting unaware they'd been interrupted.

Harry made himself invisible and used internal point-me spells to locate the first two people he wanted to talk to. He made sure no one was looking and canceled the invisibility. He put a glamour over his robes and his arm so that he wouldn't stand out. He barged into the office.

"Grunner, Stalworth," Harry ordered forcefully. "We need to talk. Now."

Grunner's face was plastered with a sneer and he hadn't even turned around before he began. "Excuse me, but I don't know who you think you…" Grunner trailed off when he suddenly noticed who it was and the extremely unhappy look on his face.

"Let's go," Stalworth answered having already stood and moved towards the door ignoring everyone else in the office.

As soon as they turned the corner out of sight Harry grabbed a hold of both of their shoulders and apparated all three of them right next to the Director of Alliance Security John Bauer.

John's eyes widened and his secretary began shrieking.

"_Obliviate_," Harry said flicking his wrist towards her, before waving his hand across her face. "Sleep."

The woman whose eyes glazed over at the first spell, slumped forward onto her desk at the second.

"Let's go talk in your office," Harry said barging his way right into Director Bauer's personal office. Harry glanced around the room and immediately sensed what he had hoped to.

"What's happened?" Bauer asked. "What's going on?"

Harry cast a visible ward surrounding the room earning several fearful looks from them.

"What was that?" Stalworth carefully inquired.

"That," Harry explained softly, "was a silencing ward because I'm afraid I will be raising my voice before we're done here."

The others exchanged nervous glances with their backs towards the window all facing Harry who was blocking their only exit.

"We have a problem," Harry began simply.

"Has something happened to Weatherby? Or his staff?" Grunner inquired. "They've not been responding to any attempts at contact."

"Oww," Bauer flinched as he felt something flick his ear. Bauer turned back towards the window in confusion.

"They are alive and unharmed," Harry replied loudly, attracting Bauer's attention forward. "But only because of their ignorance and innocence. Now, last time I met with you, I was doing my best to be kind and courteous. I made no explicit threats towards either the non-magical or wizarding worlds."

"And now as a result of it, a very good magical friend of mine is dead," Harry said softly before his face hardened and he leveled a fierce glare at them. "And my patience is at an end."

Stalworth glanced at the equally confused expressions on Grunner and Bauer's faces. "We don't know anything about what-"

"AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM!" Harry screamed in their faces. He stared unblinkingly at Bauer. "You shirked your duties and told your second in command the truth about Miranda. You left it up to him to dispose of the E-271 weapon."

"I… I haven't seen Jack in weeks," Bauer gulped. "He said he took care of erasing the project and wanted some time off."

"No," Harry corrected dangerously. "No, Jack didn't take time off. He brought along two Security officers on an off-the-books mission. They posed as support and crew on the Merlin along with the staff you assigned. He then used the opportunity of a goodwill tour to sacrifice his two men and set off the weapon."

"He what!" Bauer gasped in surprise.

Harry's jaw was clenched as explained, "He smuggled the weapon onto the Merlin and set it off at a water treatment facility."

Grunner flashed a dirty look at Bauer and argued, "You cannot blame us for the psychotic actions of-"

"Stop," Harry snapped silencing them immediately. "I know very well how disturbed he was and that he was not acting on behalf of the Alliance. When I left you last I was quite certain none of the people I talked to, had any negative impulses they intended to act on. It appears my error was in assuming you were capable of doing your jobs. Jack Smith was trusted implicitly by you and it was _your bloody negligence_ that allowed this happen!"

"He… he set it off?" Bauer carefully inquired genuinely worried for Miranda.

"The planet will survive," Harry explained. "I managed to catch up with the bomb in the mantle and through my friend's sacrifice the damage was minimized."

"Minimized?"

"The goblin wards held strong while the sky was on fire," Harry replied. "Other than my friend, the only other casualties were the two officers Smith killed."

"What of Smith?"

"His actions upset a dangerous young woman," Harry answered without an ounce of remorse. "His brain was destroyed from her uncontrollable emotional reaction. Not to worry though," Harry mockingly smiled, "she's going to be just fine."

"We're just glad no one else was hurt," Stalworth diplomatically offered.

"Hurt?" Harry snapped. "HURT? Do you even realize how destructive that weapon was?" Harry canceled the glamour on his blackened left arm and held it up in front of them. He tapped his middle finger and the exposed bone. "That's bone! Let me tell you, I've had to regrow probably half the bones in my body at one time or another, but the pain of regrowing bones is nothing compared to how much it hurts to feel the flesh burning off your body."

The appearance of his arm had the desired effect and Harry had no intentions of correcting the assumptions he could tell they had made. If they seemed to think a bomb that big only pissed him off, then Harry wasn't about to disagree.

"I need to make something perfectly clear to you," Harry explained pulling out the item he had retrieved from his new vault on Miranda. It was a senior Unspeakable's standard issue time turner. Keeping the hourglass hidden in his palm, Harry expanded the chain into a large lasso. He threw over all three other men and pulled them close to himself. "I need you to see something."

One small turn hidden in his hand and the others gasped as they saw a shimmer in the air around them but no visible difference. Since he had them pulled close, he dragged them back towards the corner of the room by the window.

"What did you do?" Bauer asked curiously.

Harry cast a large illusion over them all and silenced the corner of the room. He put up a barrier ensuring they couldn't run out and told them, "Just watch."

Right on cue, they watched as Harry came barging into the room with the three others following behind him.

"What the hell is going on?" Grunner asked worriedly.

They watched in disbelief as the other Bauer questioned what was going on and the other Harry cast a silencing ward over the entire room.

Harry had removed the chain from them and pocketed the time turner once more. "I've just taken you five minutes into the past."

"What?" Grunner repeated. "Why?"

"Because you need to understand," Harry continued. He showed them a small pebble he conjured and threw.

Bauer gulped as he saw it hit the other version of himself in the ear. The other Bauer turned around in confusion wondering what had flicked his ear, while the hidden Bauer swallowed the lump in his throat at the shocking knowledge of what it had been.

They were watching the sequence they had just lived through in shock. Magic was a difficult concept to easily accept. But to jump straight over the possibility of time travel right in to actually viewing it happening, sent them reeling.

Harry tore out a page of a book on the shelf and magically inscribed, "The wizarding world is your ally," across it. He banished it towards the other Grunner's back moments before they saw the group pulled together and disappear from view.

Stalworth turned around and pulled the sheet from the unaware Grunner's back and found himself smiling in amazement.

Harry saw that their doubles had disappeared five minutes into the past. "I don't know if I could take on the Alliance in an all-out war but I suspect it'd be closer than you think if it ever came to that."

"I can assure you it will never come to that," Harry repeated dropping the illusions and allowing them out of their corner. "Timelines are immensely difficult to work with because the smallest changes have far reaching effects that can rarely be prepared for."

Harry stood directly in front of them, making sure he had their complete attention. "The attack on Miranda was a disappointment, but I have not yet lost faith in the idea of the wizarding world and non-magical world working together. It is my faith in the Alliance that is wavering."

Stalworth gave Bauer and Grunner looks that told them they should stay quiet.

"You can call this a threat or a promise," Harry continued. "But if I see any danger towards the wizarding world that I find unacceptable, then I will take the steps I deem necessary to fix it."

"I won't kill you. I won't attack you," Harry said quietly. In his mind, the jar of rage was smashed onto the ground, and Harry's anger was palpable in the air. His voice slowly rose with each word as he explained, "What I _will_ do is go back sixteen years and ensure that the Independents kick your lily-white _asses_ in what history will forever know as the failed attempt at a Unification War. _Am I clear_?"

The other three were trembling, processing the words, but not wanting to anger Harry any further.

"I have no desire to interfere in the government you've established, nor how you run it," Harry continued spitting every word out. "But if ever the time comes, where I'm forced to make a choice, you can bet your arse that as green as my eyes are, _my coat is rutting brown_!"

Harry was breathing loudly, demonstrating just how much anger he was holding back. He took a step away from them and growled, as he called up one of his late wife's favorite illusions.

Sharp red horns sprung up out of the top of his skull in a small burst of blood, and thick leathery, crimson wings sprouted from his back. His hands shifted into claws that he used to peel away the rest of his loose skin, revealing the demon growing from the inside out.

"No," Harry snarled in a deep rumbling voice as he stared down the three men. "They are not our enemy."

Without warning the demon burst into flames as the wings and skin burned away into ash that disappeared in a magical wind. Harry remained standing there perfectly normal, looking at his still blackened arm in surprise. "Bloody vengeance avatars," he grumbled to himself. "Couldn't have bothered to heal my arm."

Inwardly, he always loved the way that illusion made Luna smile.

Harry dropped his arm to the side and looked back at the three absolutely terrified men. "I hope that we need never to meet like this again."

Harry was tempted to jump out the window, but figured he'd done enough magic to scare them into obedience. He shifted himself into invisibility, giving the impression that he'd left the room. He silently snapped his communicator onto Bauer's private setup and let Mr. Universe take over.

The large video screen on the wall sprung to life with Harry's head, visibly startling them when he spoke aloud. "By the way, the Merlin was just short of completely destroyed along with the majority of Miranda's fleet. Mechanics are working on fixing it, but there are many other areas recovering from when the sky caught fire and everything outside of the goblin wards was damaged.

"I think it would be an excellent gesture if you were to donate a hyperdrive ship to the citizens of Miranda. And perhaps assign a second hyperdrive towards Weatherby and his office, as the commute can be very exhausting. Considering you have six that are fully operational and another dozen in production, I don't think it's an unreasonable request." With a buzzing snap sound the video screen turned back off and silent leaving three men standing there alone.

Harry silently apparated away, after subtle Legilimency probes revealed that all three were fully prepared to acquiesce with his unsubtle demands.

Harry stole a coffee mug and reluctantly created another interplanetary portkey. He took a deep breath, prepared himself, and triggered the portkey to take him back to Miranda.

* * *

Fawkes was enjoying his jelly soup, pleasantly surprised at River's thoughtfulness. He wasn't as surprised to see her in the hospital room again waiting on Harry's return. Fawkes wondered if Harry realized that even after finally finding people from his previous lifetime, people who understood magic and the wizarding world, it was still the peculiar young woman that knew him best. Fawkes decided that Harry needed another reminder. 

Harry reappeared right in the exact same place he had disappeared from. His feet slammed into the ground, loud enough to wake the gently sleeping youngest Tam.

"Bugger me," Harry groaned as he chose to stay on the floor for a minute or two.

River walked over towards Harry and pulled him quickly to his feet. "Harry?"

"Ohh," Harry grumbled as he got up too fast and his stomach was not settled.

"Are you okay?" River said, dusting off his robes after rolling around the floor. "You look really pale, a little green. And you're sweating."

"Give me a minute here," Harry wheezed out, not wanting to be sick again.

River took a step back while Harry took a couple deep breaths.

"Aww crikey, Fawkes," Harry groaned. "I don't want to think about a horny phoenix right now."

River glanced between Harry's cringing face and the bird that was twittering in amusement.

"You're really trying to make me ralph, aren't you?" Harry snapped back. "Actually, you know I owe you one of those, don't I?" He walked right over the small phoenix nestled on the pillow, with his chin dripping jelly soup.

Fawkes saw Harry lean over and open his mouth making gagging sounds. He began to think accidentally throwing up on Harry wasn't quite so funny anymore. He hopped from his warm spot on the pillow and started to waddle away.

Harry grabbed onto the little Fawkes, thinking he was probably too small to fireflash away. "It's just like how a mama bird feeds her babies. Come on Fawkes, open up." Harry proceeded to dry heave towards the struggling bird.

Fawkes wasn't sure if Harry was messing with him or not, because Harry still looked pretty sweaty. He decided not to chance it as he bit down hard on Harry's hand.

Harry yanked his hand back. "You little bitch!"

Fawkes took the opportunity to waddle away as fast as he could, jump up onto the window sill and out the window. He was still pretty small and couldn't quite fly just yet, but he was able to glide his way a bit and control his fall.

Harry had run up to the window in time to see Fawkes land safely on the sidewalk across the street. He hurriedly waddled away and turned the corner out of sight. Fawkes was tempted to yell back 'so long suckers,' but feared that would just make Harry chase him.

"Here," River said reminding Harry he wasn't alone.

Harry turned back and accepted the glass of water River had brought him, "Thanks."

"Feeling better?" River asked now that he didn't look so green and pale.

Harry nodded, drinking the water gratefully. He took a breath and answered. "I used to think portkeys couldn't get worse. I was wrong. I was _so_ wrong."

"Still working out the kinks in the new form of magical travel you created an hour ago?" River asked calmly.

"There's room for improvement," Harry agreed.

River nodded. "Come on. Inara offered to cook us a good meal now that you're awake. And I'm sure you've got an interrogation coming too."

Harry and River called everyone up and telling them to meet back on Serenity. With a little time to kill, Harry finished setting up Dilys Derwent's portrait onto the cabinet linked back towards Earth. He then moved Luna's portrait onto the cabinet on Serenity that was linked towards Simon and Kaylee's apartment. Harry had enlarged the dining table and Inara made enough for everyone.

Mal and Fullerton were both anxious to hear what Harry had done and how bad the situation was now.

Harry had been saying he didn't want to repeat this too many times and they were just waiting on Antonio to finish talking to his bosses.

They'd just started eating when Antonio finally arrived.

"Sorry I'm late," Antonio announced entering the dining area. "I just found out the Alliance is sending me a hyperdrive ship to make my commute easier. You wouldn't know anything about this, would you Harry?"

Harry smiled innocently. "Me?"

Antonio rolled his eyes and turned to Fullerton. "I'm also supposed to inform you all about a new technology and the Alliance's gift of a hyperdrive ship to the citizens of Miranda."

"Well that was awful nice of them," Harry commented.

"And just what did you do to inspire their generosity?" Mal wryly asked.

Harry grinned, taking a bite of his dinner. "I threatened them. And I liked it."

Fullerton groaned. "Oh dear."

"Trust me," Harry assured all the fearful looks he was receiving. "They won't ever consider calling this bluff."

"What did you say?" Zoe asked curiously.

Harry lifted the time turner from his pocket. "I took them five minutes into the past. Then I explained to them that I believed the wizarding world and non-magical world could work well together. But that my faith in the Alliance was wavering. And if they didn't get along, then I would go back sixteen years and make sure the Unification War failed miserably. Because I'd think _that_ non-magical world might be more successful getting along with the wizarding world."

"Can you do that?" Jayne perked up in surprise.

Harry shook his head. "Of course not. But they don't know that."

"They believed you?" River clarified.

Harry nodded. "Oh yeah. And I even hit all three with an old hags' hex. Ensuring their dreams for the next week are nightmarish glimpses of a world where the Alliance lost the war. I figure I'll sneak in on them every once in a while and renew the hex."

Total silence greeted Harry's devious plan. Zoe rubbed her chin and shattered the quiet by announcing, "That's a pretty good one, Harry. Mr. Universe's idea?"

"No, it was mine," Harry argued. "Though he's already working on ways to subvert their system and implant subliminal messages all over the place. It's given him a hobby."

Mal nodded at Zoe. "Yup, Mr. Universe's plan."

Harry ignored them and continued, "After I impressed the seriousness of my threat on them, I may have broken out one of my favorite old illusions just to scare them a little more."

"Squiggy?" Luna excitedly called from her portrait.

Harry turned towards her unaware she had been listening to them. "You remember Squiggy?"

"Of course I remember Squiggy," Luna scolded. "I love Squiggy."

"Who's Squiggy?" River asked curiously.

"It's what Luna named one of the illusions I practiced frequently and did as part of my mastery," Harry explained. "And yes, it was Squiggy."

"Show them! Show Squiggy!" Luna clapped.

"Yes Harry," Inara grinned and mirthfully pleaded, "Show us your Squiggy."

Harry stood up ignoring the implied innuendo. "Fine," Harry smirked as he initiated the familiar magical sequence. Red horns exploded in small spurts of blood from his skull and his body appeared to grow while his skin stretched and ripped. Wings unfurled backwards and claws extended. The large red demon pulled the loose skin off his arms and chest, before peeling his face away revealing a mouthful of sharp, dangerous teeth.

"Squiggy!" Luna squealed happily.

Harry, the large red demon, opened his mouth and beat his chest, letting out a primal scream. His forked black tongue was extended out wiggling wildly. "We shall feast on the tears of their virgins!" The deep, raspy voiced declared.

"No," Harry's more normal voice argued with himself. "Now is not the time but soon."

"Yes," he shifted back into his scary voice. "Soon." Suddenly the demon burst into flames and all the oversized flesh burned away, along with the piles of loose skin on the ground leaving no sign remaining the demon ever existed.

Harry always got a kick out of keeping people guessing with that particular illusion. "That's Squiggy."

Jayne's mouth had been opened watching the whole time. He snapped it shut and broke the silence by saying, "Meh."

Zoe shrugged. "I can see how maybe, with the right circumstances, it might be a little scary, I guess."

"Hey," Harry moaned. "Well it's not as scary if you know it's an illusion."

"I thought you were very frightening, Harry," River said patting him condescendingly. "If I had a good pair of boots, I'd be shaking in them."

* * *

Two days later the four ships from Duncan had arrived. The citizens of Miranda were all getting back to life as normal on the planet. Six other ships had been repaired and there were even two teams already out hunting Reavers again. 

Homes were restored, and many goblin provided wards and protections were added at a very fair price.

Mr. Universe ran a check and managed to locate an M-gene carrier that the Alliance assigned as the pilot of Antonio's hyperdrive ship. Fullerton informed the Alliance they had their own pilots for Miranda's hyperdrive ship.

The crew of Serenity was packing things up pleased to see their presence was not required. Sheriff Rogers had things pretty well in control and Mal had been in contact with Duncan, looking into picking up a job.

Things seemed to be going their way, and it was serendipitous that Duncan was loaning Miranda four ships, leaving him with plenty of work to throw Mal's way. He had four different jobs in mind, letting Mal choose the best one.

"We got us a job folks," Mal announced entering the goblin establishment Eargits.

"It's about time," Jayne grinned. "Shooting people with tranqs just ain't as satisfying."

"What's the job?" Zoe asked Mal, happy to get back in the air.

"It appears Blue Sun made an inappropriate toy for children," Mal explained.

"You mean the _Shake 'em Shock 'em Pogo Stick_?" Jane asked,

"Yeah," Mal turned to her in surprise. "You're familiar with it?"

Jane smiled mischievously. "I've heard good things."

Mal chuckled. "Right. Because it appears the combination of shaking and shocking has kids holding their sticks a little too close to themselves, quite often in ways they don't really understand. Reports indicate older sisters are spending more time on the pogo stick than their younger siblings who the toy was designed for."

"Another classy job, I see," Zoe sighed.

"Yes, well," Mal shrugged. "Blue Sun's issued a full recall, and they're expecting a transport ship to come haul them all away to be broken down and destroyed. Duncan's got us lined up to make the pick-up and we'll be taking them to a warehouse where he can corner the market on a popular collectible."

"Sounds like an easy job," Inara grinned.

"Should be," Mal said.

"_Should_ be? What happened to your unwavering faith in successful, simple jobs?" Zoe inquired.

Mal shrugged. "You've met our co-pilot Harry, haven't you?"

"Oi," Harry snapped. "I'm right here."

"We know," everyone at the table echoed together.

"That's freaky," Harry commented at their eerie unison. He turned to Jane, "Are you sure you know what you're signing up for here?"

Jane smiled back. "Captain's briefed me and given me a gun."

"You're coming with us?" Jayne said looking at woman next to him in surprise.

Mal answered for her, "With the Doc sticking around here working in the hospital and supporting Kaylee, I figured we could use a nurse onboard, someone who can treat Harry's gunshot wounds."

Harry resisted the urge to point out he was present again.

"You got a problem with that?" Jane challengingly asked Jayne.

Jayne shook his head. "It's fine by me. Heck, this'll save me a lot of money on whores."

"And people say romance is dead," Jane sighed looking at Jayne.

"Naw, it's not dead," Harry said shaking his head. "But I think I heard a crazy man shot it with a tranq gun."

Mal added, "This job though, means we gotta leave tonight. So get your stuff together and we'll have dinner with Simon and Kaylee."

"Sounds good," Harry said standing up. "But I gotta go make Anna a whole bunch of special portkeys before I can split. I'll catch up with you guys at dinner."

"I'll come with you," River said jumping up to follow Harry. "Dinner at about six?"

Mal nodded and saw the determined look in River's eye. He had a feeling he knew what was on her mind.

River and Harry were walking over towards Anna's office in the premiere government building.

"It's time, Harry."

Harry looked over at River as they walked. "It is, is it?"

River nodded. "Yup. I agreed to put this off until this was all over."

"And this is now all over?"

River nodded again. "Just about, yeah."

"I can't put this off a little longer?" Harry asked.

"We had a deal," River insisted. "You plus me equal date."

"Hmm," Harry considered. "It's not over just yet."

"It will be."

* * *

"Well that was delicious, Inara," Simon thanked the chef. "But I should be getting back to the hospital." 

"What?" Kaylee whimpered. "You're not even staying to say goodbye?"

Simon saw his fragile pregnant fiancée looked heartbroken. "Sweetie, they're always going to be just right through that door. It will barely even feel like they're gone."

Inara nodded. "You know you'll be over for almost every meal."

Kaylee agreed.

River hopped up to hug her brother goodbye. "I love you, Simon."

"You too, _mei-mei_." Simon hugged her back in surprise. "You know you're only a cabinet door away as well."

"I know," River said letting him go. She turned to Mal, "Captain?"

"Yeah," Mal agreed to her unspoken question. "It's time we took to the sky."

They all got up and hugged goodbyes to Simon and Kaylee.

Simon left for the hospital and it wasn't until he was down on the street that he realized why River had been so emotional saying goodbye. He was, for the first time in years, officially not living near her. If it hadn't been for Harry, Simon probably wouldn't have ever considered leaving her side. He trusted everyone else to protect her and look out for her. But somewhere along the way, he realized he trusted Harry to take _care_ of her. The thought disturbed Simon for a bit, until he realized that wasn't quite right. With Harry around, Simon trusted River to take care of herself. That thought was far more comforting to Simon.

Harry, River, Inara, Zoe, Jayne, Jane, and Mal all climbed onto Serenity after bidding Kaylee goodbye.

Zoe and Inara were carrying some of the leftovers back towards the fridge in the dining area. Jayne and Jane were going back to their bunks, and Jayne unsubtly asked Harry if the silencing wards were still active.

River, Harry, and Mal were all still hanging out on the bridge, while River fired up the engines for them to take off.

"Hey guys," Kaylee called out walking out onto the bridge with them.

"Kaylee," Mal greeted. "Missed us already?"

Kaylee grinned. "Simon's working. The dishes are soaking. I'm bored."

"Fair enough," Mal grinned as he stepped back and pointed down the hall. "If you're curious, the leftovers went thataway."

"You read my mind," Kaylee grinned back and kissed Mal on the cheek as she left the bridge.

"Have fun on your date, you two," Kaylee called back, feeling like stirring up a little trouble.

Mal bit back a smile when Harry groaned and River cheerfully answered, "Don't worry. We will!"

Harry shook his head. "Why do you want to date me? You know how old I am. How creepy that is."

Mal just stood there, unsure if they remembered he was in the room.

"I don't think you need to know all my reasons right now," River snootily answered.

"You've got a lifetime of firsts ahead of you," Harry argued. "I was married for over a century. And you've met the portrait of her and have an idea of what kind of girl she was. There's not a whole lot of firsts after living with her."

"Stop being so selfish, Harry," River scolded confidently. "My firsts, your seconds, or your three-thousand-four-hundred-twenty-eighths if you prefer-"

"Ooh," Harry winced. "She told you about that one, did she?"

River nodded with a slight blush. "Either way, we're still talking about _our_ firsts, not just yours and mine."

Harry turned to the amused looking Mal standing there watching them. "Help me out here, Captain. Does this make any sort of sense to you?"

Mal smirked. "I'm going to enjoy answering this one, Harry."

"Stop," Harry said lifting his hand. "Forget I asked."

"Too late," Mal argued back. "We're back on my boat. I'm boss. And you did ask."

"Please?"

"Nope," Mal assured him. "Because the thing is, Harry, you don't make a lot of sense to me. And River doesn't make a lot of sense to me either. But one thing I do know," Mal said with a vindictive grin, "is that with you River makes a lot more sense than she does without you."

Harry grumbled seeing he wasn't going to have an ally in Mal on this one. He turned forward and saw River still hadn't taken off. "Get us out of here, River. You're right, this is all over. I've had enough of this hero stuff. Let's go steal some kids' toys."

"Gladly," River said firing up the engines and taking off towards the sky. The three of them watched in silence as they flew up through the atmosphere and into the blackness of space.

"This is more like it," Mal cheered liking the feeling of being back home.

Just as the Captain sighed in happiness, there was a sudden whip across the windshield as the ship creaked by the left side front.

"What the _gorram_ was that?" Mal snapped. "I swear to god, if that was the primary buffer panel again, I'm shooting somebody. And it'll probably be you, Harry."

"It wasn't the primary buffer panel," River assured the Captain with a bright smile. She took an intentional pause before announcing, "It was Peeves."

Mal just clenched his eyes shut, hoping to wake up from a bad dream. "_Ni ta ma de. Tianxia suoyoude ren. Dou gaisi._"

* * *

**.. oo 00 THE END 00 oo ..  
**

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Goodness. What a long fic this turned out to be. I want to thank all the reviewers whose enthusiastic response and words of encouragement gave me all inspiration I needed to maintain this update schedule. It's been a lot of work, but it's been worth it. Just for the few people I introduced to the world of Firefly from this. Such a great show cut short before it had even peaked. No plans for a sequel at all, nor long epilogues further down the road. The beauty of Firefly is that in the end they just go back up into the sky. I may write an OMAKE or two for my yahoogroup, but I think this little universe is done. Just because I'm nice I'll tell you, one of the two translations I had for the last line of the fic was _"Everyone under the heavens ought to die." _The other translation wasn't quite as friendly. _

_If you got it in you, I'd love to hear one more review from you telling me what you thought about the fic, what you liked and disliked, or anything you feel like saying. Thanks again._

_-nonjon  
_


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